Awkward and virgin situations you had in your life GO >be

>>729731410

Have another one

>be me
>17/18
>just broke up with my ex gf
>sad af
>friend with tattoed face asks me to go out late at night
>go to a club
>dont know what to do with my hands and with myself in there
>hot girl pass by
>my friend tells me "that one is hot af"
>agree
>moments later, maybe 20 mins after she passes by again
>this time too close to me
>passes by and grabs my hand
>become desperate and quickly take my hand off of hers
>yell "SORRY"
>girl looks at me with her "u a virgin?" face
>realizing what I just did
>staring at the floor in disgrace and quickly see if my friend realizes
>he was staring at me with a smile on his face
>covers his face and starts laughing
>start to stare at the floor again
>say to myself "why are you like this"

LOL maaannn i felt awkward for you after reading these....ppffttt hahaha omg

>>729732836
yeah, awkward and cringey as fuck, on the first one I was in a relationship with my gf at the time, so thats why I acted like that lol

The second one i would do just as your buddy did lol omg thats funny

In 2011 gf n I had sex for the 1st time, I was so nervous I couldn't get hard. Lost virginity in 07 n had sex with a few other girls. No problems prior.

?????

Fuck green text.

>>729734365
so you didnt like your gf then lol

>>729731410

>be me in the last year of HS, 2015
>attending a school ball in January
>dancing, ceremony, etc. as part of leaving the school
>dancing with this girl who has a bf
>after the ceremonies me, her and one other classmate spend some time together before deciding it is better to get the fuck outta there
>decide to go the classmate's house for sleep over
>"anon, you don't drink alcohol, can you drive us there?"
>sure, babe
>she is sitting next to me in the passenger's seat and I asked her how to turn on something as I had no idea
>she shows me and "coincidentally" brushes her hand on my deek
>whatishappening.png
>arrived at the house
>it's cold af inside
>friendo gets some movie in the TV
>since it's cold I decided to put my jacket over me and the girl

part1

>>718816401

>watching the movie
>friendo falls asleep
>she starts getting closer to me
>shitjustgotreal.jpg
>puts her head on my shoulder and starts moving her hand on my thigh and body
>I am internally screaming for God to help
>movie ends and we go upstairs to sleep
>friendo says we have to sleep together in his parent's bed
>ohshit.jpg
>get in bed in underwear and t-shirt
>lay there like a dead man
>she gets touchy again
>puts her hand on my semi chub
>not a semi chub anymore
>she wants to spoon
>I get behind her with my dick touching her firm ass
>I put my hand on her head caressing her hair
>fall asleep
>in the morning, we get up and I drive us home

and that is the closest I ever got to getting laid. It's been a few years since then.

>be me
>21
>still a hugless, kissless virgin

the end

>>729731410
dirty thot got out classed.

>>729731410
Pretty alpha tbh.

The more thots get put in their place like that the better

>>729734780
HOW DID YOU FALL ASLEEP DUDE YOU HAD TO KEEP PUSHING HER WITH YOU DEEK

>>729734780
thats painful to read, especially since youre still a virgin even though she was fucking begging you for it. buy a hooker while you still have a chance. we have enough wizards in this world, go get you some.

>>729735009
had to act that way, was in a relationship at the time and didnt want any problems tbh

File: Hellu+daily+remindarr+tu+stay+hydrated_5dea44_6070950.jpg (57KB, 657x527px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 657x527px

>>729735156
I was the same way until I realized women are incapable of love the eay men are.

Now I fuck whenever I get the chance without commitment.

Women are poison.

>>729735011

Easier said than done.

>>729735102

Still pains to think about it to this day.

But, this year's goal is to get laid. No hookers.

File: 1471558565024.gif (1023KB, 265x260px) Image search: [Google]

1023KB, 265x260px

>Go to party with some of my co-workers
>One of them is a girl that I was attracted to, but didn't think that I had a chance with
>For whatever reason, I'm on fire that night, and we talk for hours
>She's giving me little involuntary cues (playing with her hair, touching me, etc)
>I start getting tired/drunk, and decide to head home
>Girl: "Do you want some company, anon?"
>Me: "That's ok, I'm just going to crash out as soon as I get home. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

It wasn't until quite a while later that I realized she was all but saying "I want to have sex with you". I've got shit self-esteem, and it didn't even enter the realm of possibility in my head at the time.

File: c44.png (311KB, 483x701px) Image search: [Google]

311KB, 483x701px

>>729735263
And Im exacly like that now

>Be me
>26yo next month
>Fuck tourist bitches since 18yo
>Never used condom
>No DST yet
About losing virginity I was stonned as fuck and couldnt find where to incert my penis

>be me 23
>9/10 local just broke up with ltr
>am drunk
>fuck it why not
>text her
>apparently she's really into me
>we become really good friends
>self conscious so never made a move
>get drunk and literally ask when we're gonna fuck
>she says she's sorry but feels it's too soon still
>she leaves eventually
>I jerk it because she knows I'm a footfag and she let me play with them
>a text appears
>"I'm coming over anon, let's do this"
>post masturbatory answer
>"Nah I'm good I just jacked it"
>realize what I've done
We never spoke again and she's dating an ugly drug dealer now :(

>>729735349
I think most of us can relate to this

>>729731410
>"Ron and coca cola"
>Ron

>>729735565
why are you like this

>>729735263
faggot in training. 5 years from now you'll be sucking cock in a san francisco bath house.

>>729735695
I still fuck women and am attracted by their appearance.

Their behaviour is repulsive, however.

>>729735349
>>729735623
Totally

>>729735349
>>729735349
most people have done something like this. also it was probably a good call. never shit where you eat.

To me these are great experiences,most people on here don't get this close

File: Sweet release of Death.gif (2MB, 390x285px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 390x285px

>>729735565

>>729735565
that is funny as shit - dude nothing wrong with that. these stories are mostly you just blowing off some chick - they aren't even cringeworthy, just mildly entertaining.

>>729735645
Rum***
Had to translate from spanish and I missed that lel

>>729735824
Yeah,they will be better when you can look back and laugh

>>729735869
too bad I thought Ron was awesome

File: 7b5108dfe04ba08226a1354d47b31608.jpg (35KB, 356x539px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 356x539px

>Jajajaja

>>729736074
Gingers have no soul

>>729735695
cuck

File: Sofi Valiño 20160614_020356.jpg (19KB, 552x550px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 552x550px

>>729736146
Omfg
>jajajaj

>>729731410
>be me
>be in my 20s
>go to church
>play in youth band
>17 yr old gril takes a liking to me
>in youth grp so often chat to her
>blonde, blue eyed 7.5/10
>invites me to her place one day
>parents aren't home
>wants to show me her room
>imokwiththis.jpeg
>"so waddya wanna do" I ask
>she grins
>"we can do anything you want" her blue eyes staring straight into mine, assuringly wanting cock, nervously grinning
>"ok let's go outside for a walk" I reply

Wasn't a virgin but will nevar forget that golden opportunity turned autism

>>729736734
>>729735565
>>729731410
This is not an alpha thread

File: GGBGKou.jpg (190KB, 801x1200px) Image search: [Google]

190KB, 801x1200px

>>729731582
Omg man, the thing with the club.

I'm at uni and I am fucking helpless in a club. All my life I've had this things where I can't let anyone see me dance or move in anyway that isn't just normal shit like walking.

What the fuck do I do? Clubbing is all anyone does at uni for going out. I will not dance, no matter how drunk (and I have been wasted in clubs), I still find it fucking embarrassing.

why am i like this

>>729736734
>assuringly

Not even a fucking word, kek. My derp

>>729736734
I would have done the same thing, I just cant flirt or fuck minors

>>729736845
Clubbing is for losers; don't bother.

>>729736932
I hate it, but at uni with my current flatmates the alternative is sitting in my room on my computer instead.

>be me
>first relationship was a random girl in group of friends at high school lunch.
>she ask me out
>ok.jpeg
>start walking home together
>lasted 2 weeks,ended as dumb as it started
>lets just friends
>ok.jpeg
>later see her with some other guy
>wtf.avi
>brain shut down on romance, decide never again
>wasn't hard because I was never hit on again
>graduate
>work
>currently 25 yrs old

No regrets, just waiting for wizard status.

>>729736845
YEAH DUDE, I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT IF I DANCE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
Thats why I just sip my beer and stare at everyone with my best indiference face.

I hate clubbing in general, like the whole ambient of it, so i just do that.

>>729736925
Ausfailia fag here
She was legally allowed to fuck (16 or 17 yrs) so age wasn't a problem

>>729737038
You shouldn't resort to doing something you hate in order to fit in.

>be me
>17
>Decide to meet old internet friend irl
>Already sense weird vibes the first day I meet him
>Learn that this is actually sexual tension a year later
>Dude is very nice looking
>Cute 6'2 8/10 very easy to talk to
>Start hanging out every day
>He's very physical and touches me often
>Also makes sexual jokes often
>Too naive to know his intentions
>He greets me with hugs every day
>One day he grips my hips and presses against me a little more than usual
>Figure He's just playing because I didn't think anyone would be interested in me
>Go to his room to play halo 3
>Eventually runs his hand up my thigh
>Let out the most awkward fucking laugh and close legs
>He backs off and acts like nothing happened
>Sweating and red faced because Im nervous and flustered
>Say thank you for having me over
>Leave his house aroused and confused
>Realize that I really want this dude
>Call him the next day
>Have a long conversation about life
>He starts asking sexual questions
>Asks if I'm a virgin
>I say yes
>Says he doesn't believe me which I didn't get and it kinda annoyed me
>He pauses for a second and asks "do you want to lose it soon?"
>Holy shit is this what I think it is
>Really want to say that I'm willing to lose my v-card to him
>Say no thanks for the sake of not looking slutty
>Instant regret after ending the call
>Go to his house again a week after
>Same shit, physical affection and sexual tension
>Starts talking about his gf and I'm pretty sure he wanted to make me jealous
>99% sure he didn't have a gf but that made me back off
>Immediately place myself into the friend zone because morals
>Lose my chance completely
Still a virgin to this day

>>729736222

>>729737087
Yeah it's shit. What I usually do is walk between the two bars, buying drinks and then finishing them while waiting to order another, just so it looks I'm doing something.

It's pretty tragic

>>729737173
Good, stay that way.
Rise above the whore norm.

>>729737124
It's not really even fitting in, but staying home alone when people are out is shit. I want to go out.

I wish I actually enjoyed it, because it seems like it could be fun.

>>729737311
This

File: 2f7.jpg (28KB, 601x508px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 601x508px

>>729731410
>be me
>enrolled in online homeschooling program
>every once in a while they schedule meetups for the teachers and the students
>had a huge crush on my friend (who i spoke to online) who was going to go to a meetup in my town
>fuckyeah.rar
>cut to that morning when we're waiting all at the front
>i see my crush
>immediately run to hug him
>he moves out of my way
>mfw

>>729737258
I'm trying dude I just feel like I'm missing out sometimes. Peer pressure

>>729737252
And this too

File: XeSEOuw.jpg (33KB, 398x500px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 398x500px

>>729737258
>thinking casual sex makes you a whore in 2017

>>729737378
You are not missing out, you just have to find the right person and moment.
Because if you dont, you end up like the majority of women now a days

>>729737446
Pro-tip:
>it does, especially if you were a virgin beforehand

>>729734780
Come on man you didn't even fuck up that hard at all. All you had to do was show interest and meet up with her again. She obviously knew you wanteds to with your hard deek

>>729737446
Found the whore

>>729737446
It actually does.

This generation and this era is normalizing everything, from casual sex to identying as an ewok to magically transform into a woman when you are a man...
So yeah, it does make you kind of a whore. Goes for men too

>>729737446
This.
If you think otherwise you are straight up stuck in the past, you boring mofos

>>729737659
Identifying*

Lel fucking typos

>>729737061
Dude l'll help you
>Do cocain at home
>On your way to the clubs careful cus cocain makes you go faster than you think you are
>Drink maximum of 4 beers
The rest will just happen
Just dont start using cocain all the time and never go out with some

File: okthen.jpg (4KB, 165x163px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 165x163px

>be me
>17
>at house party for exam results
>everyone is drunk now
>qt 8/10 I know really has a thing for me
>asked me out a year ago and I turned her down
>she now has a boyfriend
>walk up to her and group of people at party
>"hey what's up"
>"well, basically, I love you but I can't tell you" and buries her face in the sofa
>silence.jpg
>after about 5 seconds of silence I walk away and pull the jim face
>just pretend nothing happened
>tfw she was touchy the whole night and I could have fucked

>>729737173

tits or gtfo

>>729737258
kill yourself my dude.

>>729737659
What is wrong with casual sex?

>>729734807
Underrated post

>go see paranormal activity with hot scene girl named audra. First date
>kids behind us constantly talking
>getting mad because autism, more mad that I am too scared to say anything
>kid makes a comment about pig squealing scene, hear him say "that's a ten out of ten in a death core band"
>core music sucks but I hear audra audibly sigh, get even more mad because m'lady.
>starts kicking the back of my chair. Kick. Kick.
>I am visibly shaking with rage
>it finally stops
>KICK
>I no longer can take it, however I can't bring myself to say anything
>because of being pissed about the kicking and being pissed about myself being a coward, I go into some kind of autistic meltdown
>begin rocking back and forth as far as the chair will allow, while loudly grunting and snorting like an angry bull
>face is beet red and pure rage, teeth are clenched while rocking and grunting, breathing so hard saliva is flying out between teeth
>popcorn falls on floor, Pepsi spills on audra
>stop and collect myself, half the theater is literally turned around glaring at me because of how loud I was snorting
>audra is looking at me in shock, I don't think she even realized he was kicking my chair. This came out of nowhere for her
>after the movie is done take a piss, come back out and she is gone
>text her "hey great movie, can't believe I was so scared and freaked out like that right in the theater!!! Haha" exact words
>call after two days and she'd blocked me through her phone company

Was really hoping to get sex that night.

>14 yrs old
>Become infatuated with girl in my class
>Start talking to her all the time
>Eventually proffess feelings by asking friends to tell her
>Her friend tells me next day she isn't interested
>Continue to hang out with her
>Become massive bitch, do whatever she wants
>Think eventually it'll happen
>It never did
>Stayed obsessed with her till I was 17
>Everyone in school could see me being a dipshit clear as day

>>729738041
Its nothing WROOOONG with it, its just that in her case she should find someone that she really likes and viceversa.

We all love to fuck n shit, but lets just agree that its not that self respectful to us.
Idk just my opinion

>>729738178
this is god-tier autism anon lol

>>729738178
Jesus. At least you're self aware

>>729738588
[spoiler]you still are[/spoiler]

File: Drop H 20170313_155718.jpg (36KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 640x640px

>>729738178
And I thought I was autistic

>>729738041
There's nothing wrong with it per se, but people who indulge in it often are not relationship material nor ever will be.

>>729738893
True dat... to some extent.

File: 1492537877278.png (200KB, 356x256px) Image search: [Google]

200KB, 356x256px

>>729737446
Idiot

>>729738178
>because m'lady
>m'lady
>m'lady
>m'lady

>>729735565
god dammit anon, why? :(

>'I love you, anon'
>'I know'

File: 1492598753943.jpg (5KB, 285x285px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 285x285px

>>729739778
Alpha af

>>729736932
Why faggot?

>>729734780
wow i hate that i can relate to this

>>729740025
Because it's a breeding ground for whores and underachieving degenerates

>>729737061
Your name is Jonathan martin

>>729734807
I don't know how you can even be hugless, kissless, maybe, i could believe that because you actually have to do something not beta, but hugless? Just how fuck ugly or autistic or a combination of the two are you?

File: 1489742616524.jpg (25KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 500x500px

>>729740196
Sounds like you've never been to a club

>>729735263
people are strange ... women seem wicked when you're unwanted

>>729737038
What it's either clubbing or sitting at home on the computer?
Jesus christ what kinda empty headed close minded fuck are you? Go for a walk

File: han-solo-death-star.jpg (449KB, 1600x683px) Image search: [Google]

449KB, 1600x683px

>>729739778
>Han Solo is a /b/tard

>>729740658
Actually it sounds like exactly every club I've ever been in.

>>729740912
You've been to some weird clubs then

>>729741006
>implying clubs differ

This happened to a friend of mine, actually couldn't believe that 1 he told me and 2 he was that autistic. Genuinely thought it was a greentext and he was trying to pull a joke but hes too 'alpha' for 4chan.
>Be me
>20 y. old kissless virgin
>Gone on holiday with Uni flatmates to watch the darts
>End up in Amsterdam
>oh boy heres my chance.jpg
>fast forward
>see some ridiculous grils in the window
>go through one of the doors
>i go how much
>she says 50
>im like what do i get
>in her accent she goes blow job and sex
>thought yeah good value 10/10 girl
>agree
>takes me into a room
>50 euros please
>hand the dosh over
>she goes can I see your banana
>exact fucking words
>get the mamba out
>she puts the condom on but im still floppy
>'this bird has no charisma not into it cant get hard'
>then she goes 'do u want full package'
>im like u fucking wot mate
>the fuck is full package?
>'blowjob, handsex, fuck. 100 euros'
>wait wait wait
>start arguing about previously agreed apon deal
>'no no no blowjob HANDsex 50 euro'
>was not having this
>argue with her for a minute or so, floppy still in her hand
>demand my money back
>still says no

>>729740855
Dubs of truth

>>729736845
It's best to keep your cool bro. One embarrassment can follow you for life.

>>729741054
I've been to clubs, they do

>>729741258
Smarty anon

>tfw never had any experiences like this, never even got close to being alone with a girl ever

I suppose the closest thing I've got is:

>day of school music night
>biggest one of the year, we have it in a hall in the city
>all the kids fagging around at school in music building in morning waiting for bus to arrive so we can load up
>me standing there, alone, with my trombone
>see cute clarinetist I'm attracted to, she must be a couple years younger I think
>she's with her friends, doing girly shit like giggling and talking etc
>swear they just looked over at me, nah, must have been imagining it
>they do it again
>nope.avi
>stop looking at them
>clarinetist walks up to me and says "ummm....oh my god!" walks away blushing
>Alrighty.then.jpg
>spend rest of day and night avoiding eye contact, staying as far away from her as possible, legs literally shaking the whole fucking day until night time
>she doesn't approach me again
>she never does

And that is the closest I've ever gotten to a girl romantically, I'm 25 now.

>>729735541
country of origin, foreign sir?
Also, why no daylight savings time?

>>729736822
2/3 of those are pretty alpha moves. Double alpha if you add a slap on the rump to OPs post.

File: 3bfc905de592abb3d857760d36e4bc0b.jpg (90KB, 720x720px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 720x720px

>>729741701
I expected more tbh

>>729736845
What country you in? MDMA helps.

>>729741258
That is just awful advice, anon. Just awful.

>>729737857
ma g

>>729738178
Screen capping this. Good going mate. You ever been laid since?

>>729742620
So a social idiot with no experience dancing should flail around? I guarantee everyone would notice.

On top of that you, yourself wouldn't forget it. His restraint is a side effect of a fragile ego. No attempts to debase oneself should made.

File: giphy (2).gif (2MB, 250x188px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 250x188px

>>729735565
Fuck.

>>729741054
You don't live anywhere near a large populous of other homo sapiens do you? Come london fam, will show you how different clubs can be.

>>729743736
Sorry m8 I grew out of clubbing by age 19

>>729743318
You are basically saying 'don't put yourself out there nor open up to making any mistakes, lest your one night of flailing literally haunt you til your grave'

Fuck man, I dance like a retard every time I go out. Literally how I get attention: pull a stupid face, convulse like an epileptic. Provided you don't go all in and after a few minutes max you smile and nod at whoever you were fitting at and go and get a drink things are fine. Although, tbf, this is with reference to DNB, dubstep and other 'dance' parties rather than fucking lil yachty or whatever shit they play in nigger uni clubs.

>>729743911
After going to a total of...

>>729744354
Dozen times. Drugs included.

I prefer hiking with my dog.

>>729744243
Exactly.

What made you more out going is all circumstantial to how you were raised. His spaghetti paired with stilted behavior is a disaster.

People in that situation are lucky they didn't spend the weekend with final fantasy xixoxoxoxcvi and 5 cats. Pushing one's comfort zone rarely turns out positive. And absolutely brutal in hindsight.

>>729744793
Hey faggot Final Fantasy is a good series and I love my cats.

>>729731410
I am a retard who cant green text.

Ok here goes.

Not a V anymore, go to Gold Coast with big group of friends.

Girl I liked for ages has gone with us. All tanked in nightclub, been dancing with her and all is going well.

Remember grinding with girl she says lets go to the beach, yes fucking please I say.

Go over, its dark, im pissed.

Fuck her and do my load, all very hazy.

Walking back she asks if I want to go back to her room, i look at her and do a double take she says "What?" i say "I thought you were someone else".

She ditches me on the spot, fucking moron was night 1 of 5 I would have been set for week.

>>729745131
I don't get it

File: 1467549723038.jpg (13KB, 468x398px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 468x398px

>>729745131
I'm a fucking disaster with remembering faces and names. Lost out on a lot of pussy.
Turns out that girls really don't like it if you don't remember who the fuck they are after talking to them for several days.
When I'm drunk it's even worse

>>729745131

Second story, was 19 lost my V to 36 year old, hot body ok face.

Been tuning her for a while at work, parents away so invite her back to mine.

Have no clue what im doing put on condom she says "oh cute" i feel like a fucking child.

do my load in about 60 seconds flat probably not even that.

just as I cum, sister pulls into drive, fuck, quickly close the door, she knows something is up and I tell her im getting changed, tell the chick to lay quietly come out of room and try to get rid of sister.

As im talking to her with towel around me condom drops off my cock, sister is like wtf. Makes eye contact and walks off.

Fucking panic and tell her I was wanking.

So fucking embarrassed.

>>729745362
Ha good to see im not the only one, my life is full of embarrassing moments I feel like George Kastansa at times

File: e284867fffbb8b1b8ec6a029453eb6de_george-costanza-meme-becomes-costanza-meme_894-894.jpg (368KB, 894x894px) Image search: [Google]

368KB, 894x894px

>>729745680
>George Kastansa

>>729744903
Sorry FF is for fat goth chicks and effeminate hot topic junkies.

>>729745748
Ah katsustazu-san.

>>729745680
They think that I don't care but I just cant do it.
I have a mild form of autism, but saying that to a girl is hardly making the situation better.

>>729737173
tits

>>729746186

I think I am kinda in the same boat, I don't give a fuck about people, never really have. But I care what others think, doesn't make sense.

I never forget a face but am shit with names.

I always say the wrong thing in social circumstances.

>>729745859
Sorry, am a regular non effeminate semi popular dude, and I dig FFIV,VI,IX,X and XII

>>729744243

Not too long ago. Forcing people out of their shell was helpful. Today it's like a mental ward in every home.

>>729746633
Whatever Jeff. Go play your wii u.

>>729744743
To be fair, I greatly enjoy both. Different clubs are as different as different hikes though, and I stand by that. Enjoy your bitchwalks though anon.

>>729744793
Without pushing the comfort zone, literally no progress would be made. Ever. Make the ego more fluid and life becomes easier.

>>729746718
>Final Fantasy
>on nintendo
The 80's have passed dude

>>729746774
You enjoy your clap from clubrats.

File: 1481987508593.jpg (88KB, 919x720px) Image search: [Google]

88KB, 919x720px

>>729746831
The clap is nothing.
If I stay alone for much longer I would fuck someone with aids.
I need my human contact.

>>729746774
Yeah, but the dude runs the chance of regressing all together. Imagine if you tripped up while dubstepping or whatever. You'd laugh it off. If one of these glass autists did it. Suicide wouldn't be unrealistic.

>>729746831
> bring pussy with me
> take pussy home again
> only let pussy pick up more pussy
> enjoy the drugs and dancing
> never tested anything but clean

... yeah, it's cool I'm sure I'll work stuff out.

OK, greentext V story from back in the day:

> Be me
> Be 14
> Sitting on ground outside some bullshit parents event next to river
> Slut cycles up
> (OK, going by current standards and being honest, 5-6/10)
> chat shit, 'you like music? I like music'
> she's obviously a slut, im obviously a virgin
> her 'wanna go out'
> fuckyes.jpg
> went out in local town, literally took her to fucking games workshop and shit, worst geekiest first date ever.
> she had to ask if i wanted to make out.
> kissed her once
> she comes over a couple of days later
> I have no idea how to handle this shit.
> go upstairs, she has to ask if i want to touch her
> fingerinfingerinfingerho.png
> 'would you like to go down on me, anon?'
> sure why no- WOAH
> couldn't handle bush+smell
> literally gag
> she can do NOTHING to me, as my foreskin is too tight to allow head out
> couldnt hack it, broke up a few days later due to restrained bellend and cray smelly slutness.

Man, forgot what it was like back then.
Yeah, these days is sweet.

>>729747529
Fair man, I get it, there but for the grace of god. Just always try and bring people out rather than rewarding reluctance. I understand your risk assessment though.

File: 1423622223774.jpg (16KB, 200x303px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 200x303px

>>729747884
Look at Chad 'The Clubber' McThundercock over here

>>729747884
>male
>enjoys dancing
That's a thing? I thought non-faggots only nod their head and tap their foot.

Wait...

>>729731410
>Be me, 10 circa 1998
>had a bully problem at school
>dad tells me to punch him if he takes my stuff again, and to punch anyone who does the same
>Take the words to heart
>Week later, dont do my math homework
>dad is pissed
>yanks my gameboy from my hands, tells me to do my math
>punch him straight in the balls
>he falls and breaks my gameboy
>We both cry all night

I actually ruptured one of his testicles. Turns out one of them was enlarged and softened from a hernia

>>729748379
Did that gain your respect in school, or did they think you where a fag for crying?

>>729748144
Genuinely surprised myself... thought I was going to end up a wizard til my mid teens.

>>729748350
The drugs help.

>>729741258

Conceal! Don't feel!

>>729739778
Thought this was a beta cringe thread, not fucking badass alpha thread.

>>729748350
Happily samefagging, but this kid will get relentless head. Guys, girls, whatever, he's gunna get the pick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saALceuoPcQ

>>729743146
Unfortunately no

>>729749591
yeah right. The first chad he meets in high school will beat the shit out of his skinny ass.

>>729749591
He'll get his shit kicked in for being a faggot

File: image.jpg (125KB, 711x687px) Image search: [Google]

125KB, 711x687px

>>729735541
>I was stonned as fuck and couldnt find where to incert my penis
HOLY SHIT!

>>729750269
That sucks man... honest wishes go with you.

>>729737173
I tip my tendies to you female sperglord

>>729750310
>>729750580
... OK you guys literally either:
a) havent ever been good at anything
b) havent tried to chat up a teen lately
c) either

Seriously. Go out. Go to festivals. Go to raves. Meet some fucking teens. Learn about the species you fucking fap over on creep threads. Fuck man, I never realised it was gunna be hard to be oldfag.

>>729751236
>caring about what teens appreciate

R
E
T
A
R
D

>13
>was in 7th grade
>hot girl classmate talked to me
>told me to come to her home after class
>parents out of town
>went to her house
>told me to go upstairs
>saw her on the bed
>masturbating
>I ask: what are you doing?
>she looks at me, surprised
>did not even let her answer
>just asked her if she wants to have some pizza
>after that she didn't invited me anymore to her house.

>>729751320
... which is maybe why you're on the wizard thread to contriboot current life stories.

No offence to the current wizards, just to the keyboard ninjas who can't take good play-tested advice.

>>729751038
Hey can I get that screen ( never been capped before

>>729751450
You literally exchanged Cheese Pizza for cheese pizza. Fuck, that sucks mate.

File: audra and the autist.png (33KB, 848x412px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 848x412px

>>729751742
Here ya go bro, you're immortal now. Don't mind the file name, no offense meant.

>>729751727
>Said the pot to the kettle

File: 20170419_104515.png (188KB, 1080x660px) Image search: [Google]

188KB, 1080x660px

>>729751937
I got capped a few times too

File: 1491048500815.jpg (21KB, 384x384px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 384x384px

>>729751810
Feels bad man.

>>729736845
Just get on the dance floor and do the gun reload motions from Call of Duty

File: vovgiWR.png (337KB, 2296x760px) Image search: [Google]

337KB, 2296x760px

>>729752355

>>729751966
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my club in sexy dancing, and I’ve been involved in numerous glamorous parties with model teens, and I have over 300 confirmed threesomes. I am trained in teen interests and I’m the top pick up artist in the entire club scene. You are nothing to me but just another beta. I will wipe you the fuck out with badass dance moves the likes of which has never been seen before from ibiza to aya napa, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, beta coon spittle. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of sluts across the party scene and your poor quality rebuttal is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, left footed nigger. The saturday night storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can dance anywhere, anytime, and I can out sexually-maneuver you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed cunnilingus, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Underground Slut Arsenal and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable bumbling ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you cunt. I will riverdance fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>at small get together with a group of new friends from new school
>drunk asf
>go for a piss and 7/10 girl asks if i need help with my holding my dick
>"K. Nope im fine :^)"
>girl 9/10 comes to party and pretty sure she knows i have a thing for her but she has a bf
>"Hey Anon! wanna play beer pong"
>play beer pong with her and essentially spend night with her trying to get into her pants
>i am a very angry drunk and almost fight my best friend so i get forced to lay down for a bit
>7/10 girl comes to bed with me and is also extremely drunk
>starts touching my dick through my pants asking what i think of her and what id do to her
>"your neat and all but i like the other girl :^)"
>mfw i realise what i say and the grill left
>mfw other girl has a bf and just wants to be friends and was leading me on all along
>mfw still trying to get 9/10 girl to this day
>feelsbadman

>>729737857
>just don't start using cocaine all the time
>kek

>>729738178
hoooooooooooly shiiiiiiiiiiiit

>>729737857
So
>don't do coke

>>729751937
Thanks man!!

>>729752625
Actually kekd

>>729755162
Cheers, took me a solid two minutes of synonimising.

File: c51.png (150KB, 630x315px) Image search: [Google]

150KB, 630x315px

>>729735565
>Nah I'm good I jacked it

>>729731410

It took me three tries with my first gf to end up fucking.

Every time we'd try I'd attempt to put it in and it'd just stay there, I might as well have been trying to penetrate a wall. It was fairly painful for her, too, not that I could ever get more than half the head in. Very quickly the lack of progress and her exclamations of pain would make me lose the boner and we'd quit. It got to the point where she started sobbing because she didn't know if there was something wrong with her.

About the 3rd/4th time we finally managed, I lubed myself up with spit and got inside at last.

I'm still not sure if it was incompetence on my part or if she's just kinda fucked up. It still causes her lots of pain to have sex at first, unless we've fucked once every day for 2-3 days before, so I lean towards the latter. I think she has some sort of physiological/psychological fuckup.

>>729756327
I managed to get a girl naked, willing and in my bed.

I didn't fuck her because she was nervous therefore tight.

Also a few times they couldn't take it in at all without xrying in pain. +8in here

>>729731410
Hottest girl I know talks to me out of nowhere. "Oh yeah I remember you" conversation ends

File: post-25720-bustin-makes-me-feel-good-gif-UbEj.gif (458KB, 393x221px) Image search: [Google]

458KB, 393x221px

>>729756683
Is it just me or are these
>I accidentally blew a girl off
seem alpha as fuck when taken out of context or viewed through a female perspective?

>>729756590

I'm certainly not 8'' but I think I am thicker than average, so that didn't help.

What sucks is she's the only girl I've ever fucked so I have absolutely no reference for comparison. It gets so fucking tedious that everytime we get in bed I have to wait through 5 minutes of her squirming, gasping, and squealing in discomfort before I can actually start, yknow, fucking.

Jesus, I'm almost certain she's a below average fuck. And that'll never change because anytime I either A) Say she should see her doctor about why sex is painful or B) Hint that she should improve her technique otherwise, she says "It's okay sex isn't very important to me".

Why'd I have to fall in love.

>>729735335
>>no hookers
I remember I used to have a form stance on this.
But then I fucked a hooker, shit was cash. Go to back page it's like window shopping for pussy, it's awesome.

>>729757170
Run, dude.

Trust me.

File: Ralitza-Tchiorniy_Brown-Headed-Parrot.1-4454a1.jpg (720KB, 1050x700px) Image search: [Google]

720KB, 1050x700px

Speglord tyme
>be me
> b14
>b at first highschool dance
>gurl named harmony wants to dance with me
> she is a 7/10 if you dont like short hair and like a 9.9/10 if u do
> she is hot but weird and theatre-y
> by dance she meant "mate with me thru my clothing"
>insta.boner.exe //: execute
> be sly and flip that shit up into my waist band
>sheknows.jpg
>rubs that ass into me hard
>doxxing my penis with that ass
> bust in my fukkin shorts
>she turns around smiling
>say "thank you"
>hug her and scuttle into darkness.
>things are still awkward and i haven't even seen her in 5 years.

>>729735645
Anon can smell rons cum in a drink. If that's wrong I don't want to be ron.

>>729734780
>last year of highschool
>2015
You'll be fine

>>729737378
I think you're missing out, safe sex feels great and is good for your health. You need to fimd a friend you trust and ask him to take your v card. Id be flattered if a friend of mine asked me and id do it.

>>729737367
Holy shit that sucks

>>729758067
>safe sex feels great
>fucking a friend
>losing your virginity to one
Don't reproduce please.

>>729737446
Lol you are talking to mostly wizards and other dudes that can't get laid when they want to. Why not go to /pol and try to convince them Trump is a terrible president.

>gf and I both 14
>long distance relationship over msn
>chatting shit for a few months
>gf plans visit in summer
>ask her "anything you especially wanna do while you're here?"
>replies "No...like what?"
>I elaborate "anything sexual?"
> *gf logs out*
>gf breaks up with me for vague reasons a few days later

File: Epson-EX5240-XGA-3LCD-Data-Projector-Review.png (221KB, 798x375px) Image search: [Google]

221KB, 798x375px

>>729758251
Woah there, Epson.

>>729758251
Yet here you are

>>729738893
>> or ever will be
Lmao yeah because I like to have sex with hot women when I want I'll never have a meaningful relationship. Lemme guess you know this because you are alpha and bang chicks all the time so you can relate?

>be 19
>at uni for 2 years and still virgin
>girl on same course messaging me a lot randomly
>eventually spends night at my place watching films spooning
>I ask if she wants me to go down on her
>she's like no wtf I don't like that
>sleep in same bed, nothing happens
>sleep round hers few days later
>too beta to make a move
>we both pretending to sleep then she initiates
>feel the pressure and can't get hard
>soldier on with semi-hard penis in vagina
>same thing happens a few nights later
>move away

>>729758676
I fuck chicks every once in a while because I don't actively pursue sex.

I don't date or cohabitate anymore, though.

>>729758676
Did you skip primary school my dude?

I lost 20 IQ points trying to make sense of what you wrote.

>>729758919
So you have casual sex? And that has somehow prevented you from being in a meaningful realationship?

>>729759046
No, I don't date women who glorify casual sex or think highly of it.
It's a sure fire way to get cucked, and the bottom barrel ones can do whatever they want.

>>729758995
Apologies, please allow me to translate.
I find this amusing. The mere idea that having sexual relations casual could possibly effect future realationships is laughable. I am assuming you posted this because personal experience has lead you down a similar path?

>uni year abroad
>meet conservative asian gf
>literally spend months before getting close to sex
>she's so nervous and not remotely wet
>occasionally coax her to give me a blow job
>blow job terrible - can see pure disgust on her face
>she recoils in pain at the slightest penis-vagina contact
>can't keep dick hard with her not enjoying it
>feel like total failure
>wonder how rape even happens?!

>>729759176
But you participate in casual sex? Shouldn't that mean it should be difficult for you to form a meaningful relationship? Or are you saying that whores who fuck a different dude everyday have difficulty with realationships?

>>729759271
I've come to realize that men and women who overindulge in it are usually either fucked up or untrustworthy; or both.

>>729758629
Yeah there are always going to be somewhat normal people in these threads. But the vast majority is wizards/beta.

>>729759431
I'm saying that I don't want to date a whore again.

Just because I get hit on and fucked once in a blue moon doesn't mean I appreciate the notion of it. Just not a fag to decline poon

>>729731582
whats this "are you a virgin" face, never seen it

>>729759524
Merely calling someone a wizard or using beta as a noun makes you one.

>>729733371
first one was funny af

File: 132.gif (2MB, 300x225px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 300x225px

>>729759565
>pic related

>>729735565
Omg are you the guy who posted this once before but in several parts only to end it with something like "Nah, already jerked off"

>>729759821
No, but I think I know the grntxt.

Same shit happens worldwide I guess.

>>729735565
fucking badass

>>729759589
*citation needed

>be me
>be 12
>just found out what sex is
>have a horny 16 year old cousin
>kinda chubby but damn big tits
>nice ass too
>she's spending the night one night
>decide to try something
>lay closer to her
>wrap my arms around her
>she sinks into me
>rub my hand along her waist
>she's brearhing heavily already
>she's either a pedophile or a slut
>im 12 i'll take either
>she says, "You can touch me and do whatever you want to me"
>fuckyes.png
>take her shirt off
>poke her nipples
>undress both of us waist down
>rub my head against her pussy
>say, "That was great, thank you"
>super confused look on her face
>asks me three times "Are you sure you dont need anything else?"
>smile and say "No"
>think i got laid
>two years later
>realize what i did
>think about doing it again
>she developed depression because of what we did
>she thinks she broke me
>she blames herself for my faults
>mfw i never smashed

File: h2kfGPp.jpg (17KB, 284x339px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 284x339px

>>729731410
I kek'd but goddamn bro

>>729759458
Different strokes I guess. Maybe I am biased because I used to have alot of casual sec and I am now in a meaningful realationship.

>>729760093
Kek I had a bit older girl rape me too she feels really horrible about it and avoids me

What she doesn't know is that I still jerk it to her

>>729760250
I'm sorry if I stepped on your toe. I dated a girl for a couple of years, then a whole shitshow happened.

>>729760332
I've been there man. All bitches are crazy. You just have to find the ones that can control it.

>>729760260
Me to anon, but it turned into a two year fuck buddy thing instead if her being appaled.

File: 1489427048806.jpg (23KB, 377x264px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 377x264px

>>729738178
lost hard

>>729760488
Yeah, I was 8 and she was 14.

I ended up dating her cousin, who cucked me hard; the rapegirl took my side, kek.

Tbh I didn't mind being raped at all it was hot.

>>729760488
Man, i wish mine turned out like yours

File: Capture.png (966KB, 944x503px) Image search: [Google]

966KB, 944x503px

I have so many virgin stories but here is the one where I came the closest to getting laid
>be me, about 14 years old
>crush on a cutie a year older than me, she was a rawr xd girl but ticked all the right boxes
>from talking to her lots she also liked me but she already had a boyfriend so we couldn't do anything
>waiting patiently in the friendzone the day finally comes
>few days prior her bf dumped her so she was ready to go
>invited me over for an innocent "sleep over"
>my anxiety and nervousness is through the roof, as is my excitement

cont...
also pic related, she looks almost exactly the same

>>729748379
>We both cry all night
topkek

>>729737857
Don't drink too much while on cocaine. It synthesizes a new chemical in your liver called cocaethylene. Very dangerous. I had to go the ER cause of it once and never did coke again lol

>>729760867
>Cocaine + Ethyl alcohol = Cocaethylene

Go figure

>>729760846
>get there around 3pm
>basically stay in her bedroom the whole time watching shows and playing videogames
>we are both lay in bed, shes lay down horizontally across the bed for some reason with her legs on mine
>she moves her feet closer to a certain area
>starts massaging my crotch with her feet and holy shit did she know how to use her feet
>im fucking super diamonds already
>her mum opens the door so she quickly drops her legs on my dick to hide my boner
>we stop messing around for a little while

cont

>>729761219
Yeah. Shit is cash is you're careful though. Just don't be a retard like me.

>>729761336
>later on her mum heads to bed
>before she does she jokes and said "if you're gunna fuck her make sure its anal so you don't get her pregnant"
>we are in bed and she starts getting harassed by her ex thru text and im a beta so i cant do much
>she suddenly jumps on me and clings on for a while just hugging me
>me thinks this'll be the most action ill ever get but just wait till later
>she puts on some shitty youtuber movie with shane something or other in it

cont

>be 16 in class (4 years ago)
>bored as fuck I don't have much friends in this class most of them were nerds or fags
>use to chill in the back with these kids who weren't fags but not really that much of my friends either
>talked to them sometimes
>Cute Spanish girl (whom I never really talked to) asked if she can play with my hair
>had long hair but not shoulder length shit but took good care of it besides combing it
>I said sure why not
>have her fingers going through my hair
>ok this is weird never happened before
>didn't mind one bit lol
>She complimented on my hair
>said thanks in a good way
>she went back to her seat


Not a beta so I don't really have to much stories lol. Do you think she was hinting something? Was confused as fuck at the time

>>729760093
Ugh, you retard.
Alright this is what you're gonna do: text her in a happy way and try to meet up with her (just say you gotta catch up n shit). This can go 2 ways, she goes full blame mode and you're going to talk all day and night or she says yes. If she does the first thing, try to smoothe her into meeting slowly. If she does the 2nd thing, get her to sleep over you can do this 2 ways: straight up ask her OR fill her whole day till late night and invite het (fill her day to fill her holes). When you spoon you do the exact same thing as you did when 12. This time make sechz to her. Next morning dont make things awkward and tell her its okay n shit. Congratz you have a sechzbuddy now

>>729761783
>movie finishes (thank god) and we just sorta lay and talk for a while
>we get on the subject that im a total beta
>"hey anon, wanna become more of a man?"
>suddenly grabs my hand and stuffs it down her bra
>i sorta just leave my hand there for a while not knowing what to do, but then I actually start groping her tits
>i quickly get up and go for a piss (even though i had another boner which would stop it)
>come back and shes sunk into the covers hiding herself, i think i know what shes done
>get in bed and she presses her bare breasts against me
>yep shes topless now fun
>i get both my hands in there and grope them
>time passes, ive been playing with them for like 10 minutes and nothing else has happened
>i stop for a bit and legit nothing else happens
>go to sleep with her arms around me (wow this is not like the movies this is really uncomfortable)
>next day, friends tell me to stop being a beta and ask her out
>i do and she straight up declines (oh well maybe she just needs more time, she does like me and all)
>i leave and later that day her best friend (an internet friend who shes never met irl) proposes to her and she fuckin accepts it
>i was incredibly pissed but thankfully that didnt last too long
>turns out she was rp'ing through text with him the whole night i was there

In the end i was being cucked and i didn't even know it : ^)

File: 951.gif (65KB, 400x296px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 400x296px

>>729731410
>be me
>be 8
>sister 11
>sister and her girlfriends with me in room
>they pull down pants and compare pussys
>turn around cause girls are disgusting

>Be me in HS
>Undercover chad, at first im the shy, cute guy, once i get confidence around others i become the cool guy everyone likes
>Also nice looking
>There's literaly two girls literally figthing for me, both 100% hit chance, both show obvious signs of liking me, one is half a slut and leans on me often, the other conservative but still touches me often in a discrete way
>By figthing i mean, that they literally once fought
>Friends tell me that in wichever i choose, i will get laid
>2 innocent 4 this
>Highschool's over, i'm still a virgin

>>729764102
next story

>be me
>be in kindergarden
>after sport girl walks up to me
>"i could see your peepee while dressing"
>"aha"
>walk away without any thought of picking up the conversation from there cause im a child and innocent

File: 9c0.jpg (43KB, 600x480px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 600x480px

>>729764102

>high school at 16
>GF breaks up with my friend
>I always had good chemistry with her
>sitting in study hall
>she talks about how she can't stand being single for too long
>oh really OK, talk, flirt
>walk home with her after school
>make out, she's rubbing my cock
>I tell her I can't do this to my friend
>she tells she broke up with him to be with me
>make out more, tell myself this is wrong
>tell her we should stop
>we stop
>friend didn't find out, she became a bit more distant with me
>thinking back, I should've fucked her anyway.

>be me
>Freshman in college
>never been laid
>whale sits next to me during "battle of the bands" concert
>she's a fatty but I like them kinda thick so that's okay
>gives me her number

Next day

>texts me "wanna come to my dorm and cuddle?"
>fuck yeaaaaaaaaaa
>get into her dorm
>playing piano
>singing
>ask her "okay, can we start cuddling now?"
>she laughs and goes "cuddle? I'm waiting for you to fuck me"
>"oh. I gottta go to work maybe later..."
>after work I fuk her brains out for 3 seconds

>>729764807
> fuk her brain out for 3 seconds

>>729734558
It's called nerves my dude. You'll learn when you finally lose yours you faggot.

File: 425.png (167KB, 655x562px) Image search: [Google]

167KB, 655x562px

>>729764807

>>729731410
>Be me
>18
>At party
>Girl comes up to me, blatantly says she wants to fuck me that night
>I tell her I'm gay to get her away from me
>I'm not actually gay, I just fucking hate women
>Start thinking maybe I'm gay after all

File: 1fdzgm.jpg (60KB, 700x700px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 700x700px

>be 16, virgin
>New Year's Eve
>rent house with friends, invite couple of girls
>midnight, we all go out to see the fireworks coming from town several kms away
>go to this chick I liked (8.5/10 qt) confidently, like this is my big time
>"Hey, do you know what usually Americans do at midnight?"
>looks at me with smile, "Uhm, no, Anon. Would you show me?"
>instantly kiss her
>feelinglikeaking.jpg
>she takes my hand, leads me upstairs, pushes me onto the bed
>mfw after 2 hrs of foreplay my dick was still flaccid, no matter what she did to it, meanwhile she being completely naked for the whole time
>mfw I was too nervous to get a boner when I had my first chance to lose my virginity
>finally got up, rushed out with a bottle of vodka and slept in friend's car

Wasn't that bad though. I banged her 2 weeks later and she became my gf for 2 and a half years.

>>729765141
I did that once just to get one off my back.
Was at a party [I hate parties] and she was basically molesting me in her stupor.

>>729731410
>be me
>17
>airforce cadet comp weekend
>us and the other two regional squadron's teams get together to go bowling night before main event
>am highest rank their so make sure i get alley with a buddy and some chicks from another squadron
>uh we mingle and shit while i smash everyone in the first game
>qt from some place like 1000 km away form my hometown asks for help with her game going into the 2nd one
>she gets v close and all touchy
>officer comes over and tells me that if im gonna just make sure none of the younger cadets are around or find out
>aight so i get onto other squadrons bus to go back to barracks and actually start to have conversation with this girl
>talk about school ask her what subjects she does
>turns out shes like 15 so and not yet choosing courses this weirds me out a lil
>she ends up changing the subject and asking me what i was going to do when we get back to the lines
>"im going to make sure all my cadets are ok and then get a good nights sleep for the comp"

File: 1492495039435.jpg (122KB, 800x600px) Image search: [Google]

122KB, 800x600px

>>729765579
Essentially, I hate parties too and never went to another one after that.

Guess I'm just a massive fag or something.

>>729765527
oh, well that's alright then

nice one

>>729765100
kek Cyka Blyat

>>729759565
Like a "what are you fucking gay?" Face
Or when they imply you are a "loser" or something like that

Good stuff yall xD

Too much of a social retard to even know if I've been in one of these situations.

>>729737173

How big/small are your tits?

>>729735565
nice pasta dude almost forgot about that

File: 1464863159419.jpg (194KB, 1280x853px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 1280x853px

> be male, 15
> never had a real relationship just kiddo on the phone ones
> play in a band
> have a gig and invite QT emo girl and her friend
> at the gig
> there are like 5 people there, excluding the ones we brought ourselves
> doesn't matter, we have fun anyways
> at some point our drummers chair breaks and he falls backwards off the stage
> it's a disaster
> after the gig we drink
> the emo girl always wants to sit next to me
> constantly tries to talk to me
> because I felt fat and ugly I never thought she would be interested
>evening ends, it's dark now, we're all a bit drunk
> she comes closer to me and says something flirty
> she closes her eyes and readies her lips
> in front of everybody
> I don't know why she's doing this, can't be that she wants to kiss
> ask her if she's thirsty
> just looks at me
> everyone does
> the guitarist gets really fucking angry and shouts at me how fucking dumb I am
> girl just looks at the floor

I still remember everyday in the shower.
What makes me feel better:

> after guitarist literally spells it out for me I realize
> feel so fucking dumb
> car arrives, emo and friend are ready to be picked up
> ask: " is that your father or hers?"
> "hers"
> after that I just started kissing her full power

We got together after that, never got to 3rd base, wish I did

She was so goddamn beautiful

> still masturbate to the thought of her sometimes even though I'm in a steady 4 year realtionship right now
> still kinda miss her

>>729737038
go to a bar or home partys
clubbing's stupid af IMO

>>729741205
they all do that fucking time

>message girl on fb
>Never met before
>Tells me to come over
>I drive to her place
>Doesn't look like fb pics
>300lbs
>Fuck it
>Go in her room and she starts sucking my face off
>Gets off of me and tells me to take my shorts off
>Starts sucking my jawn
>Slobber runs down my balls
>Teeth grind off my dick
>Start regretting my decision
>She puts a condom on my dick
>Spreads her incredibly large legs
>The sent of 1000 rotting cabbages
>Get out of her bed
>Put shorts on with condom still on
>"We should do this another time I gotta go"
>Leave her house and go get high

I was 16 when this happened
>parents were richfags and I got to visit Japan
>have a rawr xD girl that I was good friends with in the states consistently AIMing me
>I told her all the shit that I was buying and bring back to USA
>she asked me if I could get her an iPod
>sure, it's not even that expensive
>come back to USA
>I show her all the shit I brought back and flashed the iPod
>she says lets go to her house and chill a bit
>sure why not? Got time to burn
>we watch a movie and she starts getting really close to me, putting her head on my shoulder, touching my leg
>feelsgoodman
>she says lets go upstairs I wanna show u something
>go upstairs and shows her iTunes library and then all of a sudden she pushes me onto her bed
>I hit my fucking head on the wooden frame and I start yelling at her
>she says omg I'm so sorry and rubs my head and shit
>I told her to fuck off and never do anything like that again and I storm off to my house

File: Smiley.jpg (7KB, 272x185px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 272x185px

>>729731410
>be me
>be 17
>At ghetto party
>Shitty alcohol, weed, lot of black ppl
>friend introduces me to qt black neighbor
>7/10, mostly due to ass
>dance for a while
>asks me if I'm a virgin
>say yes
>runs off with friends and comes back
>"I'm gonna fix yo problem Anon. You're gettin' it tonight"
>leads me to room
>getting nervous, hands twitching
>Begin kissing
>Still trying to comprehend situation
>Begin feeling light headed
>Barely able to take off her shirt
>laughs, thinks I'm just nervous
>Try to lie down on bed to feel better
>The music is getting louder every second
>sweating profusely
>She begins removing my pants
>pass out
>Wake up in hospital
>Doctor tells me I had an epileptic seizure
>"You may have to deal with tremors for a long time, Anon"
>Never invited to parties again bc of incident
>Even my own body doesn't want me to get laid
>qt didn't fucking go to the hospital to see if I was OK

>>729767626
This should be a scene in a teen comedy

>>729767933
>expecting someone you just met to see you in the hospital
Lmao

>>729734807
>hugless, kissless virgin
I feel sorry for you anon...

>>729764973
Im op lol
Im just a normal guy with kind of beta behaviours sometimes

>>729767933
>Qt
>Nigger
Sorry Anon, try again

>>729768357
I'm a slav, we don't have nigresses here, I'd fuck one in a heartbeat.

>>729768521
Gtfo nigger lover

File: 1492512346233.jpg (42KB, 512x429px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 512x429px

>>729768634
What is this, To Kill A Mockingbird?

>>729768634
>fuck
>love
I'm racist, but you're just close minded.

>>729768724
Nigger lover gtfo

>>729741205
>>729767497

I have a similar story to this... i was just a by stander.
My story in Amsterdam

> Be me, this year.
> I travel Australia to London for a Tour
> First Day we travel from London to Amsterdam.
> Our tour guide takes a group of 20 year olds out to see Amsterdam at Night
> She takes us see a Sex show through the Red light district.
> After the sex show. We all split off in to groups.
> Our tour guide tells us to stay together in a small group.
> We all kinda form groups.
> My Group, One of the guys wanna fuck a prostitute.
> We like yeah what ever.
> He goes up to the first window
> He asked "how much?."
> She replied "50 Euro"
> He Goes "Fuck yeah!!!! Can you guys wait for me to finish"
> We all sitting around these windows
> 1 Chick and 5 dudes
> The chick is saying "how fucking awesome tonight was"
> A random guy comes up and ask "Do you guys need anything???"
> One of the guys (we well call him dan) repiles "Yeah...cocoa cocain,"
> Dealer replied "30 Euro, Come with me"
> Dan and Sara (the girl in our group) walk off with dealer in a dark area behind the houses
> So it just me and this other guy (call him dave)
> Dave goes "Fuck man i really have to pee...."
> I said back to him "Go between that side gate over there"
> Dave starts walking over the the gate...
> Next Minute as he has approached the gate..
> "HEYY.... YOU..... YOU CAN'T PEE THERE...FUCK OFF...."
> As fucking black tranny pops her head out of the window...
> I fucking lose it... Legitimately Laugh out loud
> Dave starts to freak out and walk away....
> The Others then came back with the cocaine.

anyone wanna here more?

>>729769465
Yes

>>729769659
give me a minute im baked as fuck right now

>>729769710
Me too breh

https://youtu.be/gjsbHTx0uMQ

>>729769465
I got caught pissing in the street by an old policeman on a motorbike in Arnhem the morning after koenigsnacht celebrations
>literally grabbed my arm mid-piss shouting at me in dutch
>apologized so much and dutch buddy talked him out of giving me a 120 euro fine or whatever
moar

>>729769465
part 2

> Now they have to go the toilet
> Sara has this brilliant idea.
> "Let's just go use the prostitutes toilets"
> Her and Dan go up to a windows and ask her if they could use the toilet
> At this point in our trip we found out everywhere in Europe charges 1 Euro to use the toilet
> The prostitute goes "Yes 50 euro..."
> They reply "1 Euro"
> She lets them both into her window door.
> They walk in as the other guy (greg) comes out from the other prostitute
> Greg goes up to Me and dave and ask us For another 50 euro....
> At this point i had no money i just bought 4 grams of weed "10 euro a gram" and 2 joints for 5 euro each... I only took 50 out at the atm so i had nothing...
> Dave gives him 50 easy... I go thank fuck for that
> Sara and Dan walk out and go where is greg?
> I then asked them "Did you use the toilet?"
> Sara reply "Na, A bouncer guy told us to fuck off..."
> I then tell them "Greg is paying another 50 euro"
> Sara goes "why...?"
> I reply "fucks me"
ill post more

>>729735263
TRP

>>729770377
>>729770677
lol dubs

> Greg comes out....
> We all ask him "How did you go,,,?"
> Greg shrugs "It was alright, I guess"
> Dan pulls out the coke shows everyone one...
> At this point I have seen Coke before but never done it because in Australia it cab be Fucking expensive like $300-400 a gram.
> Dan tips come on the bottom of his thumb
> Snorts it and asks "if any one wants Some...?
> Sara goes "Fuck...! Yeah!"
> Dan pours some on her thumb
> Sara has a go and says "This is the first time doing cocain"
> Greg than has a go
> I go fuck that....
Thinking to myself 30 euro is 3 grams of weed


have a bit more gets weird from this point

>>729731410
+44 7808 194643 Call me for butt stuff ask for pearboi

>>729771409
>>729771409
sorry im to baked

>be me, 15
>female friend of mine broke up with bf
>feeling depressed
>I was still getting over my gf
>"lets hang out" I say to her "maybe It'll cheer you up"
>She excitedly agrees
>We hang out in her room all day, she shows me all her hobbies
>We move to the couch
>boner.jpg
>She starts talking about sex
>"I love sucking dick"
>"haha yeah me too"
>I really said that. On god.
>We move closer
>Dick is diamonds at this point
>She moves her foot onto my boner
>Bring our faces close together like we're about to kiss
>She grabs my hand
>Puts my hand on her tit
>I recoil like a snake had jumped out at me
>jerk the hand back at lightning speed
>"whooooaaa" I say autistically
>she blushes
>moves away from me
>we wait for her dad to come home so he can drive me back
>jerked off 3 times that night to her
>She never talked to me again

>>729771772
you are lucky you didn't fucking jizz your pants

High as fuck at a rave party is this dodgy warehouse.

Really have to go piss... stagger into the bathroom. Hot teenage girl, probably only 17 or so (I'm 23), clearly wrecked out of her mind on something, is on her knees in the washroom blowing like 3 guys at once right in front of the urinals.

I'm standing there and I really need to pee, but can't cause she is right at dick level looking up at me with her eyes saying 'WTF is your problem? You going to let me suck that or not?'

I just really need to pee... please leave me alone I say. Finish and walk out of the washroom.

Slapped myself on the head the rest of the night for being such a pussy. Do another couple lines and get back to dancing... I don't rave to meet slags anyway. Reach for the lasers....

>>729731410
my dituatoin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9gY5eWIPeY

>>729771772
ill try to type faster

> We all headed out to a Nightclub near where we were.
> There are bars all over the City. Amsterdam is pretty much one massive night club in the middle of the town
> We Finally get there and I can't get in because i was wearing a pair of shorts
> Mind you I have been wearing them since 8am its now 1-2am
> "Fuck... Fuck...Fuck..." Dan goes.
> Dan then goes "Fuck it we will get a cab"
> We Jump in the cab Dan is sitting in the front seat.
> At this point i was the only person not on coke
> Ive smoked 2 joints and and had a pot red valvet pot cake. (Tasted amazing)
> We all Dancing to some dubstep beat in this cab.
> Cab asked "Where are you guys wanna go?"
> Dan yells "A Night Club we can get into wear shorts?"
> Cabby drive starts to drive
> We all start asking the cab driver questions, trying to make small talk.
> Dan asks " Do you have cocain...? "
> He goes "Yeah sure i do..."
> Dan then asks "How Much"
> Cabby responds "60 euro"
> Dan replies "No...noo..no..noooo!"
> Cabby Continues to drive
> All the rest are just sitting there observing Dan talk to the cabby...
> Dan waits and says "30 euro"
> Cabby replys "Hellll...! Yeaaaahh!!!"
> Pull a little paper envelope out of his roof
> Dan does the deal

I think i can remember this soo well is because im stoned as fuck as i was that day

File: robert u dumbass.jpg (46KB, 640x960px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 640x960px

>Be prom
>go to pre-prom, where group organized a party bus
>People are dancing on party bus
>Bus stops hard into a red light
>Hot girl falls on top of me
>OH FUCK.JPG
>Get instant boner
>Prom date sees it
>Rest of the night was very awkward

>>729772349
sorry dude i can't watch this its tooo long