FART THREAD I'm getting maaaad farts boy. They're

>>729591751
let me tell you kiddo
I eat Raisin bran for breakfast and homemade vegetarian chili extra spicy for lunch and diner everyday.

open up an can of chick peas and kidney beans at the same time and inhale deeply, cuz thats what my room smells like all day.

I also drink plenty of cheap beer so that also helps

>>729592109
God damn man, I'm jelly. I took antibiotics recently and dairy started to give me farts. But man, my gut was producing gas so fast I couldn't fart it out fast enough without laying down on my left side. Gut started to hurt so I'd have to lay down every 10 minutes.

Man tho, I'd let out just a mass all at once. The relief felt so satisfying/ They were very thick and warm too. The stench was electrifying.

Was kinda scary actually how much I was farting but I'm good now.

you nasty fucks

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>>729592834
>not enjoying the smell of your own intestine gas

Does anyone have the comic of the girls farting while getting decapitated?

>>729592811
I have to wear sweat pants while I sit around at home, it feels absolutely disgusting if I dont pull them down to air out. we're talking some serious volume here.

sometimes its so much I feel the need to wipe my ass after, but I have not sharted yet.

>>729593154
Yeah. I know what you mean about feeling like you have to wipe. I'm thinking it's just moisture coming out with the fart, especially when they feel thick and warm.

I don't get why I'm farting today tho. All I ate was burger king 2 bacon burgers and a bunch of onion rings.

bump looking to get some more fartbros in

>>729594867
we should probably go to r9k
/b/ is to infested with normies nowadays

>>729595704
Yeah I don't get this. I seriously doubt most people don't like their own farts. I really bet that the vast majority of those who say they don't are just too ashamed to admit it even to themselves.

>>729596015
take a look at /b/ though, almost all the threads are about porn or sex cartoons, and I'm fairly sure they arn't fantasizing about their farts. the degenerate crusades from /pol/ have reached almost every board and they definitely arn't making it easier

Combination hungover from wkend plus brown beans for supper. I'm getting some really good feedback here not much on smell but some deep gut rollers. If I ate some sour cream right now it be rank dank n stank

is it ok if I pretend you're all petite girls and fap to this

>>729596705
If you're going to sleep soon, you should probably make something with sour cream to chow down. Can you imagine what ecstasy realm you'd wake up in?

I lost a bet to my ex and had to take a few farts to the face from them. AMA

>>729597528
Describe texture and flavor ASAP

>>729597058
None in the house but a big glass of milk might do the trick

Lately ive been having some mean farts let me tell you a little story
>be me
>have a swollen hemorroid
>watching naruto on crunchyroll
>feel a big guy building up in my intestines
>scared im gonna shit myself
>say fuck it ill just toss my briefs if i shit
>let that fucker rip
>sounds like someone just lit 100 firecrackers
>asshole starts to hurt
>smells good man
>took a lot out of me
>arms get heavy
>knees weak
>realize it was my moms spaghetti

>>729597799
I'll give you a warning about that man. I once drank a really big glass (like a pint I think) of milk and shortly after I had some diarrhea. It was sudden too.

Just a warning, maybe it was because of something else but it might have been the milk.

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nigga when you got a hard, pressurized swampy fart, but it's trapped underneath your ballsack. just kinda ferments let the fucker go anytime you want by moving lefty.

feel the warm air embrace my cock

>>729597788
uh...warm?
it wasn't strong enough to taste but it sure smelled like shit. Like rotting vegetables and beef, it was terrible.

>>729598521
>terrible
Please explain to us how your own ass breath smelled "terrible"

im jelly of ppl with IBS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxiNZevdyv4

>>729598521
Did it lead to sex?

>>729598377
I know what ya mean Lactose is a sumbitch that's y I usally go for sour cream all the stank Gass without the squirting for some reason . Figured this out a few years ago.

>>729591751
What the hell is wrong with you anon?

>>729598687
what

>>729598704
No, kind of a mood killer

>>729598827
Your telling me you dont let one rip and just inhale that fresh smell?

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>>729598688
>extreme constipation
fuck that

>extreme flatulence
LITERALLY A DREAM COME TRUE

I have a story about microwavable bacon in 6th grade. kind of greentext worthy

>>729598900
No, he said he has his ex gf fart down his nostrils. I'm OP and tbh another person's wind feels slightly psychologically damaging

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>>729599072
do it

>>729599103
My mistake i strongly agree with this statement, its its not you, toot-aloo

>>729599231
Man, do you ever get those weird farts where it smells like someone else's? You want to enjoy it but it's just so alien, it brings back flashbacks of the times you smelled it when you didn't let anything out...

Every time I eat dry spare ribs from the Chinese and drink a shit ton of beer
The farts smell just like the meal it's weird
I had an aprentise working with me last summer a real smug little shit so I packed up on cabbage blue cheese pickled onions and garlic sausage removed the window handle on van he got in for a hours drive to site
Realised the ass fragrance all the way there his face was one of panic and disgust
Now he is qualified and has is own van he dose the same

>>729591751
I can adjust the perfect amount a pressure when I have enough built up. I usually make my daughter laugh when I start ripping it. I control it by having deep throttle ones with every step I make as I walk through the living room or something. Usually make it last a good solid 7-8 steps.

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>wake up
>dad made microwavable bacon
>tastes okay, eat like 6 pieces and drink a glass of milk
>go to school
>first period (class, hour, etc) english
>desks have metal cages underneath so i'm resting my feet on the one infront of me
>class is shooting the shit with each other before final bell rings
>fucking seismic shockwaves from lower bowls
>ohfuck it's about to get quiet for pledge
>9.3 shicterscale
>cringing, holding back as hard as possible
>fuckit, can't take it anymore
>sounds like a harley turning over
>kid infront of me looking up
>"aw, who's doing that??"
>act like I know fuck all
>sounds like an A10 strafing run at this point
>"dude who keeps doing that noise??" looking around
>slowly breaking the sound barrier of all the classroom banter
>bell rings
>fart ends with a hiss
>holyfuckthatwasclose

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>>729599801
>9.3 shicterscale

>>729599573
Hmm, I dunno man. I think with great power comes great responsibility and I do control it around other people. However, if they come in my room then they themselves passed that barrier.

But it sounds like the van torture chambers is what keeps that business going. Maybe it even brings all the employees closer together. Hey, I won't shame you, if it works for you and others then it's fine.

>>729600049
I also gave a guy a three man lift and some juice went on his face he threw up pretty bad

>>729600894
Man I dunno that's too much. I wouldn't abuse people with my stench like that.

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>>729601292
>smelling other people's farts

>>729599448
Hate when that happens, here i am trying to have a nice sniff after i let one loose and it smells like some foreigner just left a chocolate hotdog on my counter

>>729602707
Man yeah it's terrible. And I have noticed that the gas from different foreign asses smells really similar.

>>729601554
>this whole thread

I fart like 100 times a day. I'm under pressure.

>be in history class like 9th grade
>friends with one kid In the class, sits one row to the right and up like 4 desks
>this kid is crazy. Skinny as fuck, like a skellington, akward as hell
>hard to describe him honestly. He's native American with shaggy curly hair, has ZERO sense of societal norms, talks all zany like ooooOOOOOooooOOOOO
>class is dead silent, he is sitting on his chair all weird both feet on chair and arms bent all crazy
>accidentally rips ass
>as soon as he does he let's out an "oh.."
>I look at him and he looks at ME like asking for help with his eyes
>half the class looks over at me

It was like half second hand cringe from him and cringe from everyone looking at me. Idk why this memory sticks with me but it does

>>729591751
I've smelled my own shit before. Hell, I've even shit into my own hand a couple of times. Once, when I was homeless and living in my father's car, I felt my intestines doing the fucking wave. My heart literally jumped into my throat. It felt like I was sinking and going to die. I tried to hold it, because there was nowhere to go. I was clenching my rancid asshole tighter than a rodeo clown wearing red. I tried, I really did. I was starting to shake and sweat.

It was the worst feeling of my life. I was reaching the end, so you know what I did? There was a garbage bag placed over the passenger side window so people wouldn't look into the car and watch me sleep. I had to fucking yank it off, open the bag, hop into the backseat, and literally shit my guts out into a trash bag in the backseat of my father's '06 Impala.

The entire car immediately smelled like death, and I got some yellow, liquid shit on my fingers. I had to use old newspapers to wipe my exploded asshole clean, and then stuff them into the garbage bag.

From there, I started up the car, rolled down the windows, and drove as fast as I could down the street. I had to air it out while looking for a place to throw my garage bag full of excrement.

Long story short, I found an empty parking lot dumpster, and threw it in there. It probably burst.

And to think, after all of what I had to go through, people wonder why I'm so depressed. :'^)

>>729596514
/b/ is dead, /b/ro. It's just a cesspool of furries, cucks and normies anymore. Everybody else has moved on to /r9k/ or /pol/.