D&D thread You Find yourself in a busy town to your left

>>729524370
Masturbate where I stand to impress the ladies

What equipment do I have and who am I?

If I'm a decently equipped warrior, I'd go to the inn and ask about rumors. If I'm completely unequipped, I would go to the market to get some equipment.

Pick up a whore in the Inn. Fuck her. Roll a natural 20 crit on a backhand to her nigger face.

>>729524513
A woman screams and a gang of street child start to beat the shit out of you and attempt attempt to pickpocket you but before they can two guards kick them off you and begin to drag you away...

I enter the Inn and ask for there strongest alcoholic beverage

>>729524686
your a villager of "a" race you have your life saving in silver. (name your self)

>>729524740
JUMPED BY CHILDREN? WHAT THE FUCK KINDA DM ...

Start pissing on a guard.

>>729524801
a large man place a tankard with clear liquid in it in front of you... 5 copper

>>729524844
They call me Twisby

>>729524891
the guards start muttering about criminal scum and start beating and kicking you to shit, they spit on you and leave you in a side street... you arm is broken and you find it hard to breath

>>729524939
I give him the money,and check to see where he puts it

>>729525135
Go to the inn.

>>729525054
Twisby, you're in the market... you notice a few shops, general goods, snake oil salesmen and food and trinket peddlers...

>>729525201
he places it in his apron pocket and tips his cap at you, the contents of the tankard burn your nose... (also I need a name for you)

>>729525208
you enter the inn its packed with people

>>729524370
C'mon, at least call yourself Dungeon Daddy or something to identify yourself OP...

But I go into the Inn with my drum, and attempt to rile up the population of hard workers and drunkards into overthrowing the local authority,

>>729525506
Find nearest open chair and sit. Investigate my surroundings.

What is in my inventory?

>>729525417
My name is Vokun.

>>729525298
Can I see a shop that sells weapons and armours?

>>729524370
Depends on. Am I a nigger or a fine white man?

roll for divine intervention

use my fus ro dah to impress all the townfolk in my immediate vicinity

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>>729524513

>>729525635
You see a burly man which you begin to assume is the Inn keeper.
There is a noticeably rambunctious table in the far corner.
Several mundane people scattered throughout.

Your inventory is a chipped tooth, 4 pieces of silver, and a rusty nail.

>>729524370
As a talented wizard I go straight to the market to buy all the components I need for a spell of mass domination. Also cheese.

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

>>729525653
I Drink my beverage whilst contemplating my current predicament. I am currently on the run from law enforcement for stealing a prized magical amulet from a local lord.

>>729526464
>a rusty nail
Obviously important, stow that away.

>4 pieces of silver
Heh. Guess I had a job, didn't I?

>a chipped tooth
The hell, this ain't mine. Save it for the pillow I guess.

Grasping my arm and holding it close to my chest, I make my way to the bar. Calling the inn keeper, I inquire on renting a room and a strong draft to ease my pain.

Can you be slower to respond lame ass OP?

>>729526997
He choke on a Doritos. RIP in peace OP.

>>729524370
Go home, log onto the World Wizard Web on my crystal ball and search for Dwarven traps in dungeons while I polish my wand

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>>729527151
>Dwarven traps

DND DISCORD

Discuss campaigns with other DMs and explore the lore! Join campaigns in our DnD rooms or roleplay in the tavern room!

https://discord.gg/v3eVb5R

>>729527255
The best kind

>>729526758
A stoutly man approaches, "Brew and board?, We can do that."
He slides you a tankerd.
"The double Jack, it's the strongest that you can afford."
He asked for 1 silver, and hands you a key.
>Room 10

>>729527362
Shiiiiiiit took so long for that ?! Fuck this bread

>>729527362
I pocket the key, toast the keeper, and head to an open chair.

After finishing my drink, I place the tankard on the bar and head to Room 10. I lock the door and check my surroundings.

>>729527464
Could you imagine if this is how MMOs worked for reals?

>>729527595
i remember play-by-mail games advertised in dungeon magazine

>>729527727
Looks like he can barely handle one single player, that's too bad. We need a better DM

>>729527917
I guess going from "lol derp fap in the streets and piss on a guard" to "environment checks, inventory checks, conversation and item management" probably caught him by surprise.

I'm glad he remembered those fucking street urchins didn't take my silver.

I wouldn't be at the Inn if they did. A broken arm is a bit easier to deal with and recover from than imprisonment and destitution.

>>729527595
Not DM.
Hijacking thread.

You enter and make note of a simple wooden bed with hay bedding. A wardrobe and small cabinet accompany the room.

You hear faint whispers coming from the wardrobe.

>>729526464
>you begin to assume
Shitty dm, bailing

>>729528257
>You hear faint whispers coming from the wardrobe.
Great. A portal to fucking Narnia. Whatever.

I pile the bedding at the door and prop the bed upright, blocking the door and covering the pile of hay.

I search the cabinet.

>>729526717
Anyone going to respond to this?

>>729528467
Hastily opening the cabinet, you find a bald naked man, gagged and tied up with red and silver rope.
Squirming and flailing whilst trying to shout.

>>729528941
So a cabinet is a wardrobe. I guess my character is also mentally retarded alongside his physical retardation.

Funderful.

Close the fucking cabinet. I can't deal with this sort of bullshit at the moment. Check the whispering wardrobe.

>>729528671
Not OP nor the hijacker, but I'm taking care of your storyline. This is now a multi D&D thread.

The moment you finish your drink, you spot the face of one of the local lord henchman in the polish metal shield behind the bar. He seems to be looking around and didn't spot you yet. Behind him is Garreth, another henchman known for his little magical talents and his absence of a nose.

(Note that i'm a french speaking person, so the responses may not always make sense)

>>729529110
You character IS mentally retarded. That's what you find in the cabinet. The fucker is crammed in there.
As you start to check the wardrobe, you get a peek inside, some sort of small wire cage. As you hear knocking coming from the door.
"Oy! You in there, it's the keep, I gaves you the wrong room."

>>729529714
> as you hear knocking
Jesus, how many times do I need to fuck up?
>Time to an hero
Get someone competent to take over.

>>729529714
In a tiny cabinet, huh? Sure. Why not. YOU'RE THE DEE EM.

I shout back to the keep "What? I can't hear you. Ears aren't what they used to be and all. Can you speak up?"

I look around the room for a window or a light source.

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>>729530093

>>729529364
I ask the bartender for a room before the henchmen can notice me.

>>729530340
>>729528257
> A wardrobe and small cabinet

>>729530093
It's not tiny nigga, it's ~small~.

There is no window in the room. A light source is coming from the cracks in the door in front of you.

"Open up ya cunt! Yar in the wrong room. I'll get ya resettled."

>>729530373
"Sure thing stranger, what kind of room would you like to rent? We got some space in a common dormitory, for a couple of copper pieces or a private room for 2 silver pieces. Put another silver on the table and I can even arange a hot bath and a nice breakfast in the morning."

As he goes on like this, the henchmen may spot you (the last two digits are the percentage and they must get below to succeed)

They got a 60% chance to spot you.

>>729530899
(To be clear, they failed to notice you)

>>729530093
>>729530853
>From the other side of the door, you make out several more voices alongside the inn keeper.

>>729531101
I refuse, go outside, and shoot a random black man in the head after forcing him to say my ex girlfriends name.

>>729530853
>the only light source is what you bring and the hallway
Damn. This Inn is terrible.

Shout to the keep "Sorry friend, I'm a bit... well... preoccupied at the moment! You see... I haven't had a lady in a while and men get lonely! And I haven't had the easiest of days... Can you give me 5... no 10 minutes? I couldn't see a thing when I stumbled into this dark room, but I did find the bed. Please, my friend, 10 minutes!"

After saying this, I slowly make my way to the door and ready my rusty nail.

Fucking bullshit ass mother fucker.

>>729530899
I quickly give him the innkeeper the 2 silver pieces for the private room

>>729531391
"Good choice!" He gives you the key and escort you to the door of the room. It's crowded enough so you go upstairs unnoticed and are alone in your room. After you lock the door and observe your surrounding, you notice a window, a comfy bed and a pisspot. You also hear the henchmen talking as they knock at the first door of the hallway (you're in room #5).

>>729532053
What floor am I on?

>>729531326
His shouting relaxes.
"That is fine, not your mistake. I need you to leave quickly, the previous owners did not finish their stay."
"Mistake happens ehh? Just come out and we'll get you a new room and maybe new drink?"

>50 and lower post number and you fail to hear someone call out to you from inside the room.

>>729532274
Second

goto the inn for a brew and a bath

>>729532311
>>50 and lower post number and you fail to hear someone call out to you from inside the room.
What does this even mean? Whatever. Explain it next time.

Set the bed properly on the ground, and replace as much of the hay bedding as I can.

I check the wardrobe and the wire cage once more. Do I have a belt? If so, I also attempt to make a sling so I don't have to carry my arm anymore.

>>729532435
I draw my dagger, hide under the bed and prepare for a fight.

any rub n tug slave girls around?
I have few copper pieces ya?

>>729532725
I meant the last two digits of my post number determine the success/failure, of you noticing someone trying to reach out to you.

As you examine the wire cage more carefully, you discover a diminutive creature, with glistening blue skin, velvet ears, and silted red eyes.
It pierces you with it's gaze, you feel it compelling you.

You don't get to wait that much, for as soon as the henchmen knock at your door, Garreth mumble something in the draconic tongue and then shout "it's in there, I can sense it! Smash that door at once!" Then the door get smashed open in a single blow. "This way, under the bed!" As you hear the other one draw his shortsword, you know you're in for an unfair fight...

>>729532725
You have a hempen rope tied around your waist.

>>729533386
I roll out from under the bed and try to stab the back of closest henchman's knee with my dagger

>>729533383
Close the fucking wardrobe. WHAT KIND OF GOD DAMNED TAVERN IS THIS? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Rearrange the room and leave it as well as I can how I found it.

I unlock the door and stumble out with the stupidest grin on my face. I beckon the keeper and wrap my good arm around him.

"I thank you, I'll take your offer on that drink, too, for giving me the wrong room and all, haha! I may be a deaf bastard, but I'm a drunken deaf bastard who could hear promise of beer underwater!"

I hand him the room key and make my way to the bar. "Please, a bit stronger this time! This arm gave me a bit of trouble in there, I'll have you know!"

>>729533386
Okay. So i....roll...iiiinitiative? Right?
How many dice do i roll for that again? Is the pointy ones this time not the round ones. Yeah?

>>729533791
You miss the target (70) and the henchman counter with a direct thrust of his blade (75)

so no rub n tug slave girls available?

>>729534108
The blade finds its target and you feel a seering pain on the shoulder. You're lucky that you don't drop your dagger. It seems that Garreth is waiting for the other guy to finish you up, as he stands there, doing nothing else then grin.

>>729534425
I lunge at Garreth before he draws his own weapon, attempting to force my dagger into is stomach

>>729534727
Taking by surprise (35) he's not fast enough to cast any defensive spell of his arsenal and you plunge your dagger into is stomach. His eyes open wide as he put both his hands on the wound, the panick clearly visible on his deformed face. The other henchman now flanking you don't waste any time and try to slash you to pieces (55)

>>729535085
You step aside at the last second, making him trip on Garreth. The two henchman, with only one able to fight, now stand before you.

>>729533954
As you leave the room you notice the inn keeper, standing in front of 2 figures.
One male, short chestnut hair, cheeky demeanor and flamboyant commoners clothes, with a sword at his side.
The other, hooded and in brown leather, a travels sack in hand, his gaze fixed at the room.
The inn keeper takes you by the shoulder and escorts you to the bar.
"Come, come, sit and drink."
He reaches behind the counter and pulls out a amber bottle.
"What brings you to town stranger, you a fighter of sorts, don't like it?"
Slides it to you.
"We get all kinds, seeing how close to the glade we are."

>>729535430
"Don't look it"*
fixd

>>729535240
I attempt to force him to drop his sword by stabbing his arm

>>729535430
I catch the flask as it glides toward me. I pop it open and take a whiff.

"Hah, I wish. Soldiers and mercenaries live a much more exciting life than me. I'm a simple vagabond. I wandered here, made a fool of myself, and decided to sleep it off. "

Hear a rabble in the hall I look behind me

"You have a problem with the youth here? I swear a group of them just about killed me before the guards beat them off and tried to arrest me. Luckily, some quick negotiations landed me a free man."

>>729535802
You hit the mark with extreme precision (35) and the poor guy drop his blade on the ground. Not really in the mood to meet his maker, he takes care of Garreth and try to leave you be "We are sorry sir, so sorry. It's our master, he just wants his amulet back. Really dangerous, magical and dangerous is what he said. Don't kill us, we say we didn't find you and got attacked by bandits or something. We good?"

grab his kok

>>729536358
I pickup the henchman's shortsword

"You have 1 hour to leave this town" I say to them.

I return to the bar and ask for another drink

>>729537149
The Innkeeper looks anxious, for he recognized Garreth and guess that you are the one that stab him. "You shouldn't stay in town tonight, they will be back, with more muscles" He pours you a drink and gives you another advice "There's a band of adventurers who passed here yesterday. They were heading for the Wood of Mirrors, near the town. Maybe you should go and seek their help, cause the lord is one hell of a sorcerer and he seems to want you dead..."

>>729536047
As you inhale the aroma, you get hints of malted barley, pine bitters with hints of burnt coffee and wet dog.

"Ay they do, they also die in more exciting ways than we. I'll tell ya, i've met a lad that came in here not to long ago. Bright eyed, full of grit, wanted to prove his jib,britches too large for his pecker. Saw him few days-go missing an ear and his left hand."
"He wanted to wreck the world, and the world wrecked him back."

He picks up a tankard, spits in it and starts to clean it with a dirty rag.

"The youth? Not enough work, if-ya ask me. No-one cares, what they do as long as they don't do it to them."

You hear, some guy covered in blood say. "You have 1 hour to leave this town."
He sits down at the bar and asks for another drink.

>>729537696
"I am aware of this band of adventurers, in fact I have been tracking them down for the past week. They are the reason I'm in this mess, but that's a long story for another time" I say to the innkeeper.

>>729537811
Not to be rude, I drink the foul smelling grog.

"Work is what you make of it. If they have no work, they'll make work. And it seems they want to make work of people. Not a good business. Always ends in death or being alone. What of the Lord? His town seems to be run by childish thugs and-"

I'm almost brushed off my chair by the man taking his seat next to me.

"A police system that doesn't seem to have much respect for it's people." I jiggle my broken arm a bit to emphasize.

Turning to the man next to me, I ask with a drunken grin.

"Got a spare arm for sale? I small knife would make my days a bit easier. Give me a price and I'll see if I can oblige."

>>729538315
"You do? Well that explains the poor lad you stabbed. They looked powerful enough, so you must be too eh! Well if you want a good ride to get there, don't ask Willis, he's a thief and a crook. Go see Farna instead, she's not the prettiest, but her horses are the best. Tell her I send you, she might gives you a fair deal.

>>729539022
"Thanks"
I finish my drink then head to see Farna

>>729539688
After a long and painful exchange with the "lady" she stops telling you about that time when the sheriff ask her out to the Petals Festival and finally let you go with a strong brown horse. Listening to her rambling monologue was part of your bargain strategy and she found you so sweet that you almost rob her with the purchase. You head east, where the Company of the Black Stalion, with the great Vitalis Lazaro as their leader, are not expecting you. This amulet will come in handy.

>>729540431
I get off my horse and walk towards their camp

"I got you the amulet you asked for, how about next time you ask someone to get you to risk their life for the most guarded amulet in the kingdom, you actually deliver on your promise to provide backup."
I give the amulet to Vitalis Lazaro
"now where is the money you offered me"

>>729541342
The shock is palpable in the camp. A dead silence reign as Vitalis looks upon the amulet. "You survived?" Aurelius, the mage of the group, joins with his leader and say "I told you, the kid got the Solomon's blood in his veins" The other ten members of the Black Stalion come around and you can hear their whispers. "Well, here's the money boy. You can keep the amulet. It's yours by birthright anyway." He gives you a mighty heavy pouch.

>>729524370
ill bite, whats my gear gold lvl alignment i only play 2.5 so thaco is good.

>>729542202
"What do you mean it's mine by birthright? This thing has kept locked away in that castle for centuries" I look at the blue gem in the centre of the amulet "I don't even know what it does"

"It doesn't do much" Aurelius reponds, it's all in your blood. You are what I believe to be a direct descendent of the Emperor Andromalius Solomon. And like him or any of his living grand grand children, you have a gift kept dormant in you. Well, that's my theory anyway."

"And with that much potential power, I was willing to test that same theory by hiring you to steal your own heirloom." Vitalis add. "Now let's see if the old fool was right. Let's witness the effects of the Eye of Andromalius on you"

Vitalis draws his bastard sword, advancing toward you with intend to kill...

>>729524370
Cast magic missile, attacking the darkness, drinking MY FUCKIN MOUNTAIN DEW

thread gonna 404, so i guess i'm gonna leave.

>>729544078
"I guess I was wrong" says Aurelius, as he gazed upon the corpse of the thief. "You always make such a mess Vitalis. Let's grab the amulet and get out of these woods."