Advice Wanted >Be me >Have a little Cabin at the end of

>>729377011
leave a note saying 'watch out for the dogs, you left your coathanger btw' The normality of the note will scare them off.

>>729377011
Just lacerate the achilies tendon with one quick swipe of a bucher knife.

Let your dogs eat em up for a bit then pull them off telling the burglar to stay put on the griund or youll let your dogs loose again.

Rear naked choke him the fuck out. Bound his hands before he wakes up.

Net gun. Lol.

Set a pit trap in front of the window. Or bear trap. Ouch. Make sure you cover it.

Pepper spray and wrestle him down.

>>729377011
>>Britbong so no guns available

I think you mean guns not viable. Not "no guns available"

>>729377684
This might work. Maybe set a motion activated camera on the other side of the window with flash.

>>729377684
Actually like this a lot, issue is if they are too thick to read...

>>729377011
Dig some pits, put spikes at the bottom and empty your septic system into the pits.

>>729377011
when he come back
*Teleport Behind Him*
and whisper - Nothing personal, kid

>>729377784
Semantics aside, they aren't an option

>>729377784
he would have to get a license and have a valid reason like farming/hunter. Even then your best bet is an air rifle. Its pretty much guns unavailable.

Hit them with a cricket bat you Brokeback Island cuck

>>729377926
Is the whispering alone sufficient, or do you suggest another course of action after that?

>>729377978
Could make one. Would only need ammo then.

>>729377920
>>729377011
Wheres that info graphic on makeing a land mine of sorts useing a shotgun shell and some small plastic pipe?

>>729377978
Yeah, I can lay my hands on hammers/knives/cudgels but thats about it

>>729378050
Yeah but saying stuff on the internet isnt the same as doing it in real life.

>>729378036
slice him in pieces with your ninja katana

>>729377011
Grab a hammer.
A big fucking hammer.
Even a big fucking stick would do.
Leave a note saying you know what they're trying to do and that there's a camera watching the cabin and they're all on camera trying to break in.

>>729377011
Careful, you may get arrested for having assault dogs.

>>729377011
First thing you should do is take all your valuable shit inside.

>>729378131
and in the time it would take me to build a gun, I may as well just dig punji stick traps in my garden
>>729378150
But I am not a master of Sudoku senpai

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>>729377011
This is a bit old fashioned, but you're supposed to wait for them to come and paintball them.

>>729377011
Pepper spray and huge zip ties or club him till he's dead or near unconscious state

>>729378226
Not at all, if he has a sign saying beware of the dogs he cant get in trouble, this is the UK not land of the sued.

>>729378131
Depending on the ammo all you will need is a tube with a handle that you can slide in another type with a sealed end and a nail to hit the firing pin.

>>729378226
This is my worry, the law is pretty harsh on people laying in wait, but I contacted the non-emergency police number and they told me not to worry.

I can muzzle the dogs if need be, they are big enough to still be a threat to intruders.

>>729378313
I have one on the front gate, might move it onto the cabin

>>729378392
having your dogs in the garden isnt laying in wait.

>>729377784
this

contact your drug dealer or a friend someone is bound to be able to get you a gun.

britbong here too but i know someone who sleeps with a loaded 9mm in his bedside table

>>729378232
Sounds reasonable, gonna shift all my tech stuff and clear some space in case shit goes down.

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>>729378285
I'm this guy and do britfags have paintball guns or airsoft guns? I figure you guys must, right? They aren't real guns. The norm in my area is to wait for them to come (if they're the type to keep coming back) and then paintball the shit out of them.

>>729378456
Yeah id do that and take photos of it, realistically though if they know you know, ie the note tactic. They will leave you alone. In their eyes you have no idea and everything is fine. The uncertainty of a brief note will make them think your waiting for them/have cameras or even have existing footage of them. Any sane person would desist after that.

>convert to islam
>stone them to death or behead them
>claim benefits

>>729378490
Such a stupid suggestion, one buying an illegal firearm thats untraceable from a gang or arms dealer in the uk is incredibly expensive. Then if you actually use it to stop a criminal, you get done for possession of firearm and probably manslaughter.

>>729378285
This.
Also, if you're looking to tag the burglars, try filling a super soaker with tie dye. My asshole neighbor used to do this when we were kids and it stained the shit out of clothing and skin.

bro seriously go to sports direct and get a baseball bat

http://www.sportsdirect.com/wilson-baseball-set-890004?colcode=89000499

my drug dealer has one in his livng room

>>729378484
Hadn't thought of it like that, but fair point.
>>729378585
Probably have some old airsoft guns somewhere, but I would rather stop them for good as opposed to have them return later but pissed off.
>>729378490
I guess, but the aim here is not to get arrested for defending my property. All well and good if I stop the thief, but I don't want to go to prison for possession of a firearm

Four winds shotgun. Make two and fill them with rocksalt shells. Make them carry the first guy you hit off. Aim for the balls.

>>729378258
teleport behind him and sodomize his arse with your 10 inch penis

>>729377011
Just stake out in your car. Call the police when he arrives and keep them on the line and informed until they can get there and nab him. Follow suspect if you must. Do not alert him.

Wait next to the window at odd hours with a big kitchen knife and shove it under the window when he puts his fingers under to pull it up.

>>729378730
are they really gonna to to the police though?

"so i was robbing this guys house and he pulled a gun on me"

by then op has got rid of the gun and hidden it so even if they did come he doesn't have anything in his property

>>729378809
pulling it out should be enough to scare them away anyway right?

cant picture having to actually use it

>>729378945
The suggestions of a child or an idiot.

>>729378915
This is the right answer. The police exist for a reason.
Assuming you've got nothing illegal on the property, try baiting your cabin with some heavy boxes, wait by a window or something and call the police when they show up.

>>729377011
Where in england? Ya know, incase im close by

>>729378617
It bothers me to think they will just move on to someone else, but if it protects my home and my stuff it may be worth it.
>>729378945
Farmer got sent down for murder after he shot burglars a few years ago, even if I don't intend to use a gun, always a risk things could go down badly.
>>729378769
I've got hammers and hunting knives and stuff. does a baseball bat offer any particular benefit over that?

>>729378945
>>729379049
If I've learned anything from service, it's never to point a firearm at another person unless you intend to use it.

>>729377011
Turn all the lights on. Open the curtains. Take off all your clothes.

Stand in front of the windows masturbating. Staring out blankly into the night. Don't make facial expressions or noises. Just slowly, steadily beat your meat, staring out the windows.

They won't come back.

>>729377720
>achilies tendon
That's the way to go anon. FUCK. THEM. UP. Go full sociopath on them.

>>729379049
then why get a real gun at all? Get a BB gun. These are all stupid suggestions. The note or some form of fear tactic is the only thing needed. This is going to be a garden variety thief (lol) they dont want to murder anyone or get violent as soon as they know they're compromised they will leave.

>>729379081
>I've got hammers and hunting knives and stuff. does a baseball bat offer any particular benefit over that?
Reach. Aren't there also different laws regarding self defense using knives?

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Who are you kidding, Britbong. You're just going to wind up shitting yourself.

>>729377011
do they have guns though
don't blame us for getting yerself killed

>>729378926
Lol ouch.

>>729379322
No theif robbing a suburban garden in the UK is going to be armed with a gun. Most british people go their whole lives without ever seeing a gun outside of a range or a farm.

>>729379060
I'm clean, so the police trawling through my stuff isn't an issue.
>>729379061
I live near Dartmoor.
>>729379158
Exactly, I'm prepared to rough someone up a bit, but I'd prefer not to have a death on my hands.
>>729379260
Reach could be good, but I reckon my dogs will do most of the work. I'm just going to jump in if I get put in danger.

>>729378128
Use surveillance.

>>729379484
Dogs. A big fucking pack of them.

>>729379565
I've got two, mastiff lab cross and a foxhound. I reckon they will do

>>729379081
This shit pisses me off. Guy defends his home/family shooting an intruder and goes to jail. Wtf?

There was guy who broke into a home through a "moon roof" window type of deal. He fell inside the home and broke his leg or somthing and he successfully sued the homeowner for having that window on his roof.

Only in the fucking USA.

>>729379764
Whenever it happens here the homeowner plays the Englishman's home is his castle card, and then the judge fucks him off and sends him down

>>729379764
he fell onto a pile of kitchen knives and sued the old woman that lived there, literally only in murica.

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>>729378077
i've got you

Purchase a large machete or the like from a landscaping supply store or something similar. Dress like a burgular and hide somewhere in your yard. Start to walk up after they're at the shed. Tell them that they're "on your turf" and you "don't play well with others", but you won't "do something I'll regret with this machete" if they give you their wallets and get the hell out of there and never cross you again.

>>729379896
where did this thing originate?

>>729379988
might as well just rob his own house.

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Idk if these are regulated there in foggy Muslim town, but here in the states our most effective weapon is a board with a nail through it.

Don't let this power fall into the wrong hands.

>>729380010
no idea, i've got a folder of them i've saved over the years.

>>729379187
Dont even need to be as precise as the achilies. Targeting the calf muscle will fuck them up and render them imobile just as well.

I tore my calf muscle exercising once. Hands down the worst and most painful injury ive ever had.

>>729380034
we dont build our houses out of flimsy wood over here though. 2x4s aren't really a thing.

>>729377011
If you have dogs DO NOT use pepper spray.
As for the robbers ls I'd suggest waiting/working inside the cabin until the actual break in - so that you're considered to be acting on self defence
Other than that just fuck their shit up OP

>>729379896
*denzel washington training day meme "my nigga"*

Got me on that too?

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>>729380702
this one?

>>729380690
10 points to you for thinking about doge.

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>>729377926
Shut the fuck up

Cheers /b/ros,
Update on the home defence
>Moved the Beware of Dog sign, so it can now be read from the cabin window they tried getting in.
>Called in on my neighbour, who has turned her CCTV to face the entrance to my garden.
>Moved most of my expensive stuff into the house, will finish that up later
>Grabbed my hunting knife, and a medium sized hammer and chucked them by the back door. Just in case.
>Not taking my dogs out for their walk, with luck this will make them more energetic and keep them up.
>Moved a woodpile from near my house to the garden gate, just so in the dark it will be really fucking annoying to climb over.

Anything else needed

>>729380690
I was thinking of just napping in the day, and then working late in there so I can be 'surprised' by the intruder

>>729380848
Yep.

>>7293809
wait until they try and break in and just pop up in the window naked and start jerking off. i doubt they will come back after they witness your fury.

>>729380943

Got a GoPro?

No one said tazer? Also i like the bear trap idea.... Yes it was mine :(

>>729381036
They would likely just wait another night to try breaking in. A lot of people will wait weeks between attempts as well.

>>729381036
Sounds good - if you're really going with this I also suggest using the hammer more than the knife, aim for the wrists/groin/kneecaps

>>729380360
Well I guess you're fucked then. Best thing to do now is strip naked and position yourself in the doorway in a way to optimally receive forced anal sex.

>>729380943
Good man.
Try and see if you can update us on how things go later tonight. We are with you.

>>729381324
Fair enough, the knife is going to be a fall back. As in, they pull one on me and I don't want to be straight up shit creek.

If they escalate further than that, unlikely as it is, I'm just going to have to hope my dogs help me out.

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>>729381324
They will just run away as soon as they know their caught, this is the UK. No one needs to be cappin

>>729381444
Cheers man, I will post an update tomorrow morning.

With any luck, you hear about what happened from me and not the news ;)

>>729381421
At least we didnt vote the guy from the apprentice as president. (althought saying that alan sugar would be pretty chill)

>>729377011
motion camera or motion light. problem solved.

>>7293872938
Just lay low near by and pop out of nowhere with a big "AHHHHHHH ARAHHHHHH!!" with your hands up and scare the shit out of them. Watch them run like hell.

Burn your place down and nobody will be stealing shit from you again.

>>729381670
to be fair, having speakers in the bushes and playing horrifying sounds would genuinely scare people off.

>>729381698
This seems a little defeatist

>>729377011
Improvise an explosive and rig it so if they come into your little toolshed they lose a leg.

>>729377011
isn't it illegal to do anything to them? just leave it open next time.

>>729381514
Fingers crossed OP, keep us posted

>>729381737
Agreed if i was the burgler i'd be like "nope".

The movie silent hill has some good creepy tones in it.

>>729377011
>>>/adv/

Move to a free country.

>>729377011
Op, tar and feather.

>>729377011
Put some wires in the borders of window, add some electricity to it

>>729382242
The UK is one of the most free places on earth. More so than modern America.

>>729382118
I'm a long time /b/tard, I come to my own for help

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>>729380943
>>Called in on my neighbour, who has turned her CCTV to face the entrance to my garden.

TFW neighbour gets robbed tonight instead

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>>729377011
>>Britbong so no guns available
It sucks your country wont allow you to defend yourself against. Robbers/Murderers.
Just stay inside and call the police.
Don't put you or your pets lives at risk.
It will suck losing everything you own out there.
But the immigrants/Muslims need it more.
And your government agrees.

>>729377011
Jeez
You actually want advice?
> Exeggerate the story and go take it to the local (weaponless) brit police office.
> Dummy camera's, bulletproof vest steady to use and a baseball bat.
> In case theyre black, use another extra knife.

Go to hardware store and buy a nail gun. Aim for anywhere, really.

>>729382605
She's paranoid as fuck, turns out she was robbed a few years ago (before I moved here) so she set up the CCTV.

I'm guessing she has the whole alarm/camera set up good and she can spare me one for the night

>>729382546
Brazil is more, trust me. We have many laws, but they do not work. If you know how to break them you can do anything you want

>>729382618
fuck em, bastards can rob someone else.
Have your little battle OP

>>729382709
Crossbow? Bow and arrows?

>>729382708
hurhghgh murica guns! WEAPONS! school shootings, massacres.

>>729382810
I was the one that asked where you were as theres been dozens of things like that here this month. Im in Yorkshire though, also one of the few that has a 12 gauge in the house

>>729382822
Most of the rekt threads are just videos from Brazil. Brazil is free in the sense a post apocalyptic world would be free.

>>729382546
Of course. You have the protected right to say what you want (hate speech isn't a thing right) and you can't have guns (who cares what your opinion of them is) and your tax rates are way better too right? The only thing I can imagine since you don't have the freedom to make or spend the money the way you want that is more free is you can drink at 18. Other than that there's no protected rights and you can't even defend yourself if they come specifically to fuck you up in that garden.

>>729377011
>>Britbong so no guns available
Yet you praise the queen for your imposed cuckoldery.

>>729382970
Yeah, the dales and dartmoor are pretty similar in geography I imagine. Fuck all people, a lot of land and not enough police presence to do anything about minor crimes

>>729383049
Those are some awful points to make the UK look bad. If thats the worst you can come up with then the UK still seems like a great place to me.

>>729383030
True, but it still being freedom

>>729383197
Really? You don't like the ability to speak the way you want without being arrested (obviously except for when life or property is threatened?) The UK looks bad because if the forefathers that died in WW2 and before for the freedoms that country has left saw what it is now they would've encouraged Germany to finish off Europe. Britain will never be what it once was and it's because people like you don't even care about basic protections. Nice naming the freer aspect of the UK that would make it better than the US. I don't want to make the UK look bad because I don't have to. It won't have its prim and proper image for long when Shari'a Law takes over in London

>>729383688
>Shari'a Law takes over in London

No one in the UK likes the Londoners anyway

>>729383688
Everything you said is so hyprocritical, you're the sort of person that makes America look cartoonish and ridiculous to outsiders. Good luck with all the protecting you need to do.

>>729383886
He probably thinks the UK is just London and Scotland.

>>729377926
>nothing *personel* kid