Help /b/ my friend stayed over and got really drunk. He shit

Set it on fire

>>729358532

Buy a new one immediately. Your friend pays.

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It'll need a crane to get it out

>>729358532
You can't, the shit is inside the mattress and in the fibres, it'll stink until the end of the world. Throw it out and buy a new one. Do something nice for her to apologize.

>>729358532
Dice Decor.. i take it you were going for crack house chique?

>>729358532
You can't, you buy a new mattress.

give it to the in laws. what are you, retarded?

The two problems with cleaning up shit is the smell and the stain it leaves. In order to get them both you need to make a very powerful double action cleaner. To do it correctly get a medium size bowl. Mix together equal parts bleach and ammonia. Stir it very well. Then using an old rag you scrub out the shit. It will work like magic

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>>729358532
Nah, this kind of desaster is too much.
Get a new one.

>>729358706
No I see more of a neometh vibe going on.

>>729358671
ffffffffffffffffffuck

>>729358532
You and wife sleep in a twin?

>>729358825

google shit before you do anything though! :D

You need to burn that mattress and buy a new one (but try to make your friend pay for it).

>>729358532
What... What the fuck is that...

Mixing bleach with ammonia generates toxic chloramine vapor. Mixing bleach and ammonia is extremely dangerous, since toxic vapors will be produced.

>>729359016
No its the spare bed we have. She will fucking lose it if she sees he shit the bed.

>>729358532
You cant clean that. Just threw it out and get a new one.

dont fuckin mix amonia and bleach..unless you wanna sleep on the matress immediately and permanent:)

>>729359153
Just tell her to chill the fuck out as it's just a bed, don't a fucking pussy, it's not even your fault.

>>729359146
Thanks anon.
Looks like we will be mattress shopping next weekend.

>>729358532
>>729358593
>>729358669

/thread

>>729358704
I actually keked loudly

>>729358532
No you need to shit on it more.. spread the shit evenly then scrub to die it slightly shit brown she will not notice then!

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ARE YOU ACTUALLY A RETARDED PERSON?

Skeet skeet skeet

reeeeeeeeeeeee

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fire

set it on fire and post pics

We'll look at the surroundings it looks like you're a fucking tramp gypsie so your wife will do whatever she is told. You should probably just keep hitting her like you normally do.

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He pissed all over our back door and it fucking froze onto the glass. Jesus fuck.

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>>729358532
Put a washing powder on it. Cover it with a matress cover. Next week throw iy away and buy a new one.

flip it

>>729358532
Flip it over, and throw a sheet on it.
Problem solved

>>729358532
thanks OP i lost pretty hard needed a solid chuckle

>>729360068

mix equal parts alcohol and water in a spray. shake well. spray. alcohol doeant freeze so it might lower the freezing temp of the ice and plus its not bleach so no poison gas.

Pics of it at the curb or didn't happen

>>729358532
I hope thats not your home.

>>729360068
Your "friend" sounds like a real jackass

>>729358532
UNFIXABLE.
Your mate needs to buy you a new one.
No other options. The shit is inside the mattress.
To remove the shit you need to wash the mattress at 100 degrees Celsius. If not the mattress will stink indefinitely

>>729358532
I hope that's your outhouse because your place looks poor as fuck. Not even tiles on the floor, just garbage.

>>729360068
Your friend pisses custard?

>>729358532
What kind of hovel is this?

I'm thinking of saying the dog vomited / shit on the bed. Its an old mattress so I couldn't be bothered cleaning it up. Throw it on the back of my truck later.

>>729360814
he took the picture with a tablet. I think he can afford a new bed

>>729360068
Your mate seems like a real prick. He probably hates you. Even a drunk man will respect the people he considers friends.

>>729358532
i live in a third world country
and even i won't sleep in your place even if your bed was clean
where are your from nigger?

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>>729361150
Yeah he has been staying in a room connected to the shed.

>>729361150
From Niggerstan clearly.

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>>729361548
a-are those used condoms?

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Get the wife to clean it up, she'll know how.

>>729359320
>Looks like we will be mattress shopping next weekend.

so for now you'll sleep on the shit-stained one? lel

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>>729362990
This.

>>729360103
underrated post

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>>729362990
Its in a room connected to the barn. We dont sleep on it. And to be honest I don't think my friend cares about the shit.

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>>729364003
what the FUCK

>>729358825
kek

>>729364003
OP why do you do this to yourself

>>729364003
>what
>the
>fuck

>>729358532
Just explain your fetish to her. Maybe she'll even join you and your friend so you can all shit on each other.

>>729364003
Holy keks
My sides are gone

>>729358825
This

Also what the fuck kinda mattress is that. Nigga you're either short and fat as fuck or really tall and lanky

>>729358532
Never mind the mattress. Your house looks like a shithole.

>>729364003
ITT: anon seek help and advise on how deal with his kiddnap victim

>>729358532
Get a sheet, twist it in to a rope, screw it to the ceiling and put it around your neck, jump off the mattress, This will work because she wont care about a shitty mattress if her husband is dead, hope this helps OP.

>>729358532
Seriously, if your friend did not stay and help you sort this mess, dump him from your friend circle.

Think of the mindset, he shits your bed, but for some reason just says sorry bro if at all and then leaves this behind for you to sort out.

(I know this is fake or copy/pasta but just discussing as if this really happened to you)

>>729358532
throw it out, new matress

>>729358532
Just tell your wife what happened get your friend to buy you a new bed and burn that one with fire and take it to the tip

>>729366562
kek'ed

>>729364003
Holy. Shit.

You know the rule faggot, timestamp

>>729364003
What kind of shithole life do you live?

Shit isn't the worst of your problems based on that image OP

Find where your friend lives and nail the mattress to his fucking wall

Put it on craigslist as a brown mattress (Free to take)

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>>729358532
>>729360068
>>729361548
>>729364003
Bumping potentially epic bread. post timestamp OP if you're not a complete faggot.

>>729358532
Throw it out when your parents get home tell them what happened and why you threw it out. Thats what your parents are going to do

>>729358532
throw out the bed lol

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ive been here for years and this is the first time ive found a solid gold thread. jesus christ op just burn your house down and claim insurance