Pick a super power, first reply to it is the conditions in which

>>729127663
sucking dick everyday

>>729127695

being asexual

>>729127695
whenever you blink

>>729127746
that was OPs condition

what homofaggot thinks that would be a superpower

>>729127759
you get molested by your uncle

>>729127746
but everybody fucks you in the ass constantly

absoloute omnipotence

>>729127746
must reach 300kg before you can split

the ability to teleport once per day (Universally) but requires something to charge it per tp

>>729127878
but you are bound to a wheelchair

>>729127820
>ikr

>>729127878
but can't make a weight that you can't lift

>>729127907
there are no chargers

infinite homosexuality

>>729127907
you aren't following the rules... can't make up your own condition...even if in part

>>729127907
being asexual

>>729127989
but no one likes you

The ability to read minds and control people

Be normal

>>729127961
you are charged for child abuse

>>729128027
but you and they only get every third word.

>>729128024

did you just assume my powers requirement ?

>>729128024
but no one likes you

>>729128028
But then you're a filthy normie. Get the fuck out.

>>729128028
only when no one is looking

>>729128049
16 is legal here

>>729128028
whenever you sleep, the rest of the day you're OP

Ability to pause time for everything but you

wish for whatever i want, unlimited wishes.

>>729128130

copping a load from a horse in the ass

>>729128130
wishes come true upon your death

>>729128126
The air also pauses and you can't breathe while time is paused.

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>>729128126
How?

>>729128126
Only when you are sleeping

>>729128111
as long as you trip on acid

>>729128130
but everytime you do it a horse cums in your ass

power to turn women into jockstraps

>>729127663
Only while telemarketing.

Unlimited shape shifting ability

>>729128184
as long as he isn't breathing

>>729128130
you can only wish for more wishes

>>729128246
youre gay

>>729128246

your fathers finger needs to be in your asshole for the power to work

>>729128263
can only shapeshift when orgasming

>>729128192
Even if you can breathe for a second you wpuld be blind, and what happens with all the momentum you have form earth's spin, and the pressure change?
Tired of all that " time stopping" bs.

>>729128246

>>729128254

>>729128199

the thousand year door must be the best game of 2000-2010

Able to create 13 tapes before an hero.

the power to turn anything into solid gold

someone screencap dis

>>729128399
But now that gold is so plentiful, it is effectively worthless.

>>729128399
Molten gold

>>729128399
But you die

>>729128379
you can't count

>>729128450
but the gold is in reality dirt

Immortality

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>>729127663
can turn myself into a diaper

>>729128526
only when you're sleeping

>>729128526
but 4chan shuts down. permanently.

>>729128535

Only when the full moon has appeared and you have drop kicked a baby as sacrifice

>>729128499
Ask for help

The ability too make any women do what I want

>>729127663
The united states of America

>>729128615
help

>>729128581
you are forced to socialize

>>729128631
Only while telemarketing.

>>729128631

but the closest men will also do what you command the women to do

>>729128631
only when they are tied up in your rape dungeon

Able to cure /b/'s cancer without being cancer

I can sleep as long as I fucking want

>>729128749
but you are a newfag

Can make anyone orgasm just by winking at them.

>>729128775
Only when you sleep

>>729128749

but then you lose internet forever

>>729128775

but only during daylight hours

>>729128797
that thinks 4chan is the deep web

>>729128812
but you have no eyelids!!

>>729128883
but you are in a tanning salon

>>729128812

but you will never cum again

I'm faster than the Flash

>>729128749
solving the paradox causes universal system shock, the plus 4 dimensions collapse into a singularity. all life, time, space become static...

>>729129044
But youre a faggot

I faster than >>729129044

>>729129168
And a bigger fag

>>729129044
But the laws of physics still apply to you and if you go too fast you burn up and die.

>>729129044
speed surpasses both weak and strong nuclear force, upon you first 'real' run you manage to separate your and the surrounding materials atomic structure. the chain reaction. the citizens of Trappist-B1, a planet within a system 40 lightyears away a nearby star has gone nova

>>729129237
but you're on the sun

I'm the sun

I can fart Zirkon B.

>>729127663
Something I've always wanted, even fantasized and dreampt about, is telekinesis. But telekinesis to such a degree that you can "see" and "feel" atomic structure around you.

>>729129663
but you are a newfag

>>729129637
as long as you eat hair

>>729129663
You just want to grope people, don't you?

>>729129692
but you are an oldfag

>>729127695
Everyone's excretions effect you the same way that pure capsaicin would

>>729128263
Can only shapeshift into that you understand completely. Molecular structure, ect.

>>729128526
That, in it self, is the ultimate curse. See everyone you've loved die. Everyone that you might love die. Everything you've loved die. No wonder God left us.

>>729130161
but, fuck people. I could carry out a meaningless existence of just existing. If I ever got truly bored I'd just do a GTA rampage for eternity.

>>729129747
That raises the question. Would an immortal be able to survive the destruction of the universe?

>>729130161
This really doesn't apply to people on 4chan

>>729130250
but you can't have more than 2 stars

I can summon deadly killer robots out of thin air and control their actions

>>729127803
OP

>>729128159
Lmao

>>729130355
But you can only tell them to kill you

>>729130355

>>729128025

The ability to tell if a woman likes you

>>729130477
But only if she's an anime

>>729130477
but the answer is always "no"

Learning and remembering knowledge with ease

>>729128674
Easy, just telemarket your dick

I can summon any woman at will who will follow my every command.

>>729130528
But you're executed by the CIA

>>729130528
>Update

but the more you learned the more you forgot about your family and friends.

>>729130528

>>729128840

>>729130412
>Implying I didn't want them to kill me

>>729130620
Well then guess I'd be dead

>>729130586
Every woman you summon is a literal 0/10

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>>729128233
You're telling it in such a way as though it was some bad thing.

>>729130586
but you have no cock

Being a big guy

>>729130729
Do you know what what website you are on, pal?

>>729130768
for a total of 4 seconds a day and only if you had tuna that morning

Wolverine-level healing factor plus I feel no pain

Every time I whistle, a black person dies.

>>729130818
worth tbh

>>729130820
but you have to lick out all of smeagles dick cheese

>>729130820
you don't feel anything at all, nor sadness or hapiness

>>729130843
Everyone on earth is white except you

>>729130250
True. I mean you're immortal but noting else. Meaning it will take you a long time to reach the next galaxy. And if you move like that, just drifting from one place to the next, you might end up far enough that the original starting place has developed life again.

>>729130843
but you can only double whistle

I can summon hordes of zombies to do my bidding

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The power to grant wishes with unforeseen consequences

>>729130978
but the zombies have no legs

>>729130978
You must suck their cocks first

>>729130991
Only when you swallow a gallon of semen before granting the wish

>>729131024
Crawlers aren't fun either, you just gave him free reign you fucking monster

Ability to increase/decrease the IQ of anyone I want
I can make myself a super-genius and make other people retarded

>>729130991
the consequences are that you always end up copping a load from a horse in the ass

I can turn anything i want into gold

>>729131049
You say that likes it's a bad thing

>>729131074
>mfw I never specified how many crawlers I could summon
Lock the fucking doors

>>729131110
But you have the head of a man and the body of a baby.

>>729131110
It only works via touch and the object turns into molten gold

Ability to lose my virginity to a cute girl who isn't a trap

>>729131110

>>729128437
>>729128504

>>729128027
In order to do so, you must be taking a shit

>>729131110
You have to physically touch each part of the object. I.e. untouched parts will remain normal, including below the surface.

>>729128126
Every time you unpause time, every person you touch knows that it was you

>>729131242
but you cum in 1 second and the girl laughs at you

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I can make people's waifus become reality.

>>729131097
No restriction

>>729131423
But they all want me

>>729128263
Every time you shapeshift, you are stuck in that form for 1 week. Also if it is an animal, you will automatically be female and in estrus.

>>729127663
Only work when speaking with non-humans. Can't understand non-humans still.

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>>729131465
How greedy

>>729129567
But you can't use a computer since it would melt

If I roll dubs I gain the power to roll dubs whenever I feel like it.

>>729131552
otherwise you die

>>729131242
You suddenly find lanwhwales cute

>>729128631
But everytime you make a command, you become impotent for the duration of the command.

>>729131605
Hardmode

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Omniscience: I know anything I want to know

>>729128775
But every time you sleep for over 8 hours, you are rocked with dreams of fucking everyone in your family.

The ability to cure third wave legbeards of feminism but you have to fuck them to orgasm, and it must be witnessed by random pedestrians.

>>729128812
Every time you wink, you also take a shit

>>729131759
you born bored, and you know it can't change

>>729131759
You must activate your omniscience manually, and you don't know you have the power in the first place

>>729131814
Also it helps if I read the whole fucking post before I reply. I kind of missed half the point.

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Ability to make friends

>>729130477
Everytime you find out, you instantly lose all sexual feeling towards the woman in question

>>729130586
Every woman you summon immediately grows a 12' cock and loses their pussy

>>729131938
But they're all on terrorist watchlists

>>729131938
they are imaginary
>but you won't know

The ability to wipe memories from peoples minds including my own.

>>729132134
you won't know why you are in alcatraz forever

Ability to make every woman that i wink at have the most explosive orgasm theyll ever experience

>>729132134
But those memories are replaced with memories of you and your dad fucking.

>>729132229
But you will never come up with an original idea for a post ever again.

>>729132283

no more 4chan and infinite bitches

winwin

>>729132229
and you will know of this power once you've been condemned to life imprisonment in Alcatraz

Ability to ignore all restrictions for the next superpower I post in this thread

the ability to get dubs

>>729132229
But they literally explode and your held responsible

>>729132229
But you will have to brush your teeth with cum every night for the rest of your life

>>729132362
Only on reddit

>>729132229
But you only have eyelids once every 50 years.

>>729132356
But you dont get a superpower from your next post

>>729132356
But the ability turns you into the world's biggest cuck

The ability to change gender (Not Genderfluid hurr durr SJW fuckwits)

The ability to make anime real

>>729127663
not being able to speak

The ability to die and live in hell as a slut who takes lava hot poz loads from Mohammed

>>729132499
When you gender swap you still have a dick

>>729132499
But as well as gender you change into a slug

>>729132499
But the ability only works to certain degrees.
ie you will look like a girl with a beard or a guy with a set of titts

>>729132554
I see no downside.

The ability to manipulate matter.

>>729132528
But you shit out your mouth

The ability to come up with great ideas for movies

>>729132598
>Implying I meant it as a downside

>>729132512
but the anime becomes real

>>729132605
Can't manipulate self. (Someone can pull a sneak attack.)

The ability to never have to do captchas ever again

>>729132673
But you must buy 4chan gold

>>729132673
But you had to pay $1000000 to get a gold membership.

>>729132673
but you're a spambot

>>729128111
Tripps checked and post confirmed

The ability to circumcise anyone who doesn't reply to this post or your mother will die in her sleep

I can cum on any woman's face

>>729132725
You get (you)'s

>>729132716
Not mein shekels!

>>729132725
Has to circumcise with your teeth

The ability to resurrect Hitler

>>729132800
He loves Jews now

>>729132744
But every time you do a picture is taken and sent to your mother.

>>729132800
But you become jewish

>>729132800
But he doesn't hate jews anymore

>>729132800
but you're hitler

>>729132744
Then they beat you to death

Ability to stop wasting my life on this fucking cancerous time suck image board known as 4chin

>>729132229
But the woman actually explode

>>729132867
But you get real peepee cancer and die

>>729132836
Kek

>>729132867
But you quickly realise normies are actually so much worse.

>>729132867
but you move to 9gag

>>729132867
Wasting your life on 9gag instead.

>>729132899
Probably true
Dubz don't lie.
I guess I'll stick around.

>>729131938
they're all sjws

I get play of the game

The ability to become my fursona ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

You turn black but...?

>>729132977
You always lose

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>>729132973
<3 your here forever

>>729132991
But you get mauled by a wild animal and die

>>729132864
but you went to art college instead of becoming a dictator

>>729132800
He's a nigger

To make traps not gay

>>729128126
But you have to suck every dick that you go within five feet of when paused.

>>729132997
you start enjoying the private company of elder men

>>729133027
Fucking Hotel California

>>729132725
Is the ultimate faggot

The ability to have a The Star Platinum stand in jojo

>>729132997
You are deported back to Africa

>>729133071
Why else pause time nigger?

>>729133068
but liking traps is still gay

>>729132725
go to /x/ faggot

>>729133112
But you cannot summon it and don't know it exists

>>729133068
but you become a slug

>>729133068
Then you only like real women pussy
Boipussy makes you vomit

>>729132997
You can read

you become jewish

>>729132997
you have a father

The ability to turn into a slug

>>729133208
But Hitler's is alive again

>>729133112
Wut da fuck is dis

>>729133208
you don't got Jew sorcerer powers

>>729133231
You become a snail

>>729133208
In nazi Germany, in anne franks house

>>729133231
but you have clothing made out of salt on 24/7

The ability to secrete chocolate milk from my nipples

>>729133251
the better

Furries are real and you can fuck them

Ability to get quads

>>729133251
A slug with a home? Bonus.

>>729133292
But you have no nipples

>>729133292
No downside

Quads

>>729133315
but no furries want to fuck you

>>729133315
but you'll get in alcatraz by doing so

>>729133348
>>729133327
You neck yourself

>>729127663
you must be completely naked

>>729133292
Entire planet is lactose intolerant

>>729133327
But you have bad luck

>>729133348
But when you get quads you die

>>729133367
>hot cosby

>>729133327
it doesn't always works

>>729133389
Ok

>>729133415
>but you cant ever put your weenie in a furry

Ability to not murder anyone today.

being a nigger

All men kiss girl feet and pegged by blacks

>>729133537
cant call other niggers nigger

The ability to transform into a rabbit and fuck all of the female rabbits

The ability to breath in the vacuum of space

>>729133546
black women

>>729133503
Fuck you got me but what about the reverse because im a degenerate?

>>729133586
>breathing in space

>>729133586
it tastes like shit

>>729133563
Get shot and served for dinner.

>>729133529
But you murder tonight

>>729133586
congrats. you would still freeze to death. no extra rule need apply

Eat anything I want without being hurt

>>729133529
No stipulations from me...

>>729132362
But they never get checked

>>729133557
Ouch. What even is the point then?

>>729133595
Yeah, that post sort of implies the men will be getting pegged by negresses, because why would a man use a strap on?

We all become friends

The ability to turn invisible (inb4 the inability to turn the visibility back on, it doesn't matter).

>>729133705
But you have no friends

>>729133705
but constantly try to kill each other

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>>729133699
Checked

>>729133691
But you cant pass it and shit begins to pile up in you

>>729133705
but they're all on the internet, so it doesn't count

The ability to watch vid related without cringing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tS44zE7bAY

>>729133705
Then make suicide pact

>>729133788
But your a shill who dies

>>729133777
Tripps of truth

>>729133710
Dick doesn't work when invisible

>>729133807
This
Kek'ed

Niggers take over the world

Ability to make all traps disappear.

/pol stops hating kikes and niggers

>>729127663
The ability to make slugs obey me.

>>729134046
Then hates whites and Christians

>>729134077
but only snakes do. fuckin harry potter amirite?

>>729133788
lost at that transition