can we get a work stories thread going? >be me >working

>working at thai restaurant
>fat woman enters
>'I have a reservation for Anon'
>you're not in our schedule
>'ye I do I spoke on the phone with you guys yesterday'
>we were closed yesterday
>'are you calling a liar?!'
>no, it's just maybe you've got the wrong place
>THIS IS PIZZA RESTAURANT ROMANA RIGHT?!
>fucking buddhas everwhere, thai people, asian music

Lame story i know, kind of drunk, i want to punch people in the face so often during work.

>>728940192
mmmm number 5

>intern as a junior IT admin
>alone in the office
>decide to wank
>open up some porn shit
> start jerking off
>the moment i came someone walks in
>she didnt see my dick from the table
>she asks for something then leave
>i wipe my dick into my college's chair.

The perfect crime. Btw I wank'd in every job ive ever had. Thats a routine I have.

>>728941878
>That's a routine I have
So much edge

>>728941917
keknoice

>>728941878
>wank off in office
>somehow get my dick to cup of a coworker
Yeah no

I used to work at Residence Inn last year.

One morning all the cleaning ladies were freaking out - shouting, yelling, cursing. I went over to see what the commotion was. Apparently some dude had a crazy fecal sex party in his room. There was shit all over everything. There was shit in the bed, the chairs, asses were wiped with curtains, smeared on the windows, in the DVD player - everywhere.

We had the guy come in to see his bill. He was very professional about it.

>>728945705
.
>how was your stay?
>it was pretty shitty

>>728940192

>be me
>working at local pizza joint summer after senior year before uni
>deliveryguy.jpg
>waitress was like two grades older when I was HS freshmen
>small town skank, but hot
>manager up and leaves for the night to get drunk
>me, waitress, and chef
>slow as fuck and we're closing
>waitress says, "hey anon, you and the other drivers always got shit on you, what do you have?"
>fatsackofweed.png
>three of us get baked as fuck
>chef goes home
>waitress and i smoke more and start in on some beers from the walk in
>bullshitting about HS and people we know
>waitress leaves for more beer
>comes back silently starts making out with me
>fuck yes
>end up rawdoging her, don't even care if I get AIDS
>which I can't because we're both white and live in podunk no black USA
>happens next night
>night after
>so much busting nut in pussy
>leave for college
>never hear from her again
>pretty sure I never knocked her up, though she's got like a ton of kids now so who knows?

>Be me
>working as a lab technician at the hospital,
>in charge of blood type analysis and shit
>Mostly nigh shift 'cause it's better paid but I have to manage the blood bags distribution
>In the hospital there are a few interns
>One of them has absolutely no idea about how blood types work
>Asks for universal donor (O-) every fucking time because he can't understand the basics
>O- is rare and reserved for emergency
>Have to argue with him each fucking time
>Nurses can't stand either
>Actually made them bring some blood bag back when he thought it wasn't compatible
>One night I chat with a nurse about the intern
>Dares her to tell him the blood is "too cold to be transfused" has to wait
>Total bullshit but the patient is not an emergency and it will piss off the intern
>Half an hour later I get a call from their service
>Retard intern said the patient could not wait
>Fucking moron micro waved the blood bag
>Blood bag exploded
>half cooked human blood everywhere
>The doctor I have on the phone wants to know if I suggested anything about heating up the blood before transfusion
>The guy sounds so exasperated
>Apparently the intern tried to accuse me and the nurse
>I have to bite my cheek not to burst in laugh
>Honnestly I can say I never spoke to the intern and never talked about microwaving blood products
>I have to write the incident down and deliver them another blood bag
>Everyone's pissed at the intern
>After that night intern is fired
>2 years later we still laughed about that guy who tried to microwave a blood bag

>>728940192
>work at Old Navy
>Lost prevention guy was a Paki
>White guy shoplifts something
>LP guy ran after him
>Mall security saw a Paki running and thought, he shoplifted something from the store
>White dude got away
>LP dude almost got arrested

> be me, always drunk at work

> anon, the next time you're drunk at work you're fired

> yeah, k. drunk for next three months straight

> anon youre fired

> fug. the end of anon.

>>728940192
Stop the government and isp from monitoring your online activity, use a VPN http://vpnprogram.com

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>>728940192
>someone calls to complain that their sandwich has nothing in it, it's just bread

>>728947839
Oh my god, I don't even work with blood or hospitals or anything of the sort but that legitimately enfuriated me

>work for a supermarket
>woman comes in, dumps ziploc bag filled about halfway with a brown squishy substance on the service counter
>"this bbq sauce gives me heartburn, i want a refund"
>no.jpeg
>"but it gives me heartburn you have to take it back"
>"uh lady, this is a ziploc bag... do you have a bill?"
>"no, and i' don't remember where it bought it, but it's like a dollar, just give it to me."
>flat out refused her, she threatened to call head office to file a complaint, i told her to go ahead... she left. retard.

>>728948897
yh that happened

>>728949004
all the time... walmart life is full of retard incidents. had to look for another masturbator in the store today (didn't find him, but he's not the first or only masturbator... only the latest one).

>>728948878
Shut the fuck up you absolute cunt

>Work at gas station up in the mountains
>Slow day, me and the mechanic are drinking coffe talking shit
>Loud grinding sound outside
>Big city guy walks in wearing sweatpants, a jacket, shitty boots
>"Hey, I bought a snowmobile from a guy here, brand new, it seems to be having some issues"
>Me and mechanic go out to look at it
>It is almost completely cut off between the bottom and the top
>One single poor "piston" (english is not native language) is holding this whole thing up
>"Can you tell what is wrong with it?" Completely serious
>Mechanic turns around and walks in, holding his head
>I cant even laugh
>Ask him "How the fuck did you even drive it here?"
>"What? Whats wrong with it?"
>"Its completely busted! Cant you see that?"
>"Im not good with these snowmobiles, can you please tell me whats wrong?"
>I explain the situation
>He looks at it for a while
>"Can I still drive it?"

Also the amount of 12 year olds who think they can buy cigarettes because they change their voices really fucking amazes me.

There was also this guy who went up biking on the mountain during a fucking snowstorm, wearing nothing but sweatpants and a windjacket with some sneakers. He almost froze to death.

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>>728949175

> tfw you gotta rub one out in the kids toy aisle

I love these kinds of threads.

>>728949735
no... they're a group of old men (70 to 85 years old, we know their ages from the cops) who do it in the men's toilet, sometimes together.

>>728949303
Y so angry ?

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>>728949901

I started a job at a second rate advertising agency as a graphic designer. None of their computers had tablets. I lasted a day working with a stupid fucking mouse.

>>728940192

>27/m
>broke
>has had over 50 jobs
>no record
>past 3 jobs ive worked ive quit the first day

whats wrong with me

>>728950300
most of us are able to lie to ourselves about how much work sucks, because we know we gotta do it if we want to pay the bills. some jobs are really hard to do without massive amounts of denial. maybe you're just really bad at lying to yourself.

>Worked at T.W. Ponessa in Lancaster PA
>They brief us on child abuse / mandated reporting
>One day my client has a black eye
>I report it
>My boss tells me not to report it because they'll lose money
>I tell her that's stupid and illegal
>She tries to force me into doing it
>I quit
>Sad and unemployed
>Try to talk to a lawyer, nobody takes me seriously
>Less than six months later that company gets into trouble for trying to cover up child abuse

>>728950555
for what it's worth, you did the right thing, anon

>Work in an alzheimers ward
>Fucking off in the nurses station shortly after our evening med pass
>Decide to go check on everyone
>Walk into the hallway, immediately spot one of the patients (M) stark fucking naked in the middle of the community living area
>Approach her
>All of her clothes were neatly folded on a nearby dining table, including her depends
>Ask her why she's naked
>"I was hot"
>fair enough

I have another one

>Work at a retirement home
>One of my co-workers is an incredibly fat girl who eats a whole pizza every lunch/dinner
>One of the residents there is cool as hell
>Walks around telling people to fuck off
>Guy is like 80
>He and an elderly woman have gotten married and they constantly have sex in eachothers rooms
>Fucking alpha
>One day
>He walks up to me and says: "There are 2 fire exists, right?"
>"Yes, there is. Why do you ask?"
>"Because if that fat cunt is trying to get out, we will all burn to death."

One more
>Sunday
>Priest is there and they have their sunday sermon
>Im there watching
>Priest is going on about sins
>Alpha guy tucks my shirt
>He says audibly: "I'll gladly burn in hell if it means I can have booze and some pussy."
>Everyone stops and stares at him
>Priest clears his throat
>A few seconds of silence
>Me and the alpha guy both start laughing our asses off in front of all these religious people and the priest

I miss working there, it sucked with the shitting, pissing and vomiting but it had its moments.

>>728950544
if im not doing something constructive, or if im hired on and im immediately the smartest guy there, i leave.. sometimes though its just the thought of standing there to make money, something that is created from something i use for oxygen.. i dont get it.. funny im in this thread because i quit a job today and i feel like a complete failure and dumbass. im running out of options and the care to want to succeed anymore is starting to vanish. ive eaten peanut butter and jelly for months straight now. its decent buti havent pooped in 2-3 days

>>728950702

I'm glad to hear other people say that. I wasn't easy coming out of college and being unemployed for so long because companies were afraid to hire me after that.

But yeah, they have a tendency to hire scumbags and cover up abuse. This happened a little later:
http://lancasteronline.com/news/local/former-counselor-accused-of-sex-offenses-involving--year-old/article_0a1ec02a-170c-11e6-86f5-77231b398040.html

>working at burger bar
> 15 year old autist
>hot as fuck sweating doing dishes
>co-worker is hauling massive container of chemical down the corner
>dislocates his shoulder in front of me
>starts breathing heavily and says call an ambulance
>act like i cant hear him and saw nothing and continue doing dishes
>after a few seconds of ignoring him he screams for help
>told the manager i was just tired and zoned out
sucks having social anxiety

>>728951170

>if im not doing something constructive, or if im hired on and im immediately the smartest guy there, i leave


Honestly this attitude is probably why you can't hold down a job. I think you're probably young so you're new to this, but if you're the biggest fish in the bowl then you're in the wrong bowl.

The thing is that everybody thinks they're smarter than most other people, so it's kind of meaningless to say you are. What you're really saying is that you just think you are, which makes you probably a pain to work with.

>>728951516
This. You beat me to it.

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>>728950282

>>728950958
Why did you put m in brackets and then refer to the person as her?

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>>728951922

>>728951516
i've held management positions, its not that im a dick thinking im the greatest employee, but some people just really dont know what theyre doing.. for example.. how many times do you have to tell someone to do something before they should do it? most people would say something like, well if theyre busy than blah blah, or it depends on what youre asking... no.. just no, the answer is the first time i ask you to do it and i also live by a principle that there are a million ways of doing something the right way, and only one way of doing it wrong and thats the wrong way.. i dont know, ive been working since i was 12 so im quite over working my life away. ive found out way more about myself being broke than i ever did when i had money, its nice

>>728952196
You are a loser

>>728952312
the best

>>728950555
Sounds like Lancaster to me. Montco fag here

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>>728952196
>>728952196
god you sound like such a bellend

>Work as bank teller
>Contrary to popular belief, it's actually a cool job with a stupid amount of power
>I can look up pretty much anyone's info in the state and find out where they live social security, really anything
>Also work with some total bros, and the job pays great for entry level


>One day
>Smoke weed for the first time
>Get high as shit
>Next morning my brain feels super slow and fuzzy
>Go to work since I worked that saturday
>Boss isn't there, it's just me and my bro running the drive-up per the usual
>A lady cashes a 5k check
>She wants 2000 in hundreds, 2000 in fifties, and 1000 in twenties
>Cash machine only has 900 worth of 20s somehow
>I think I have to get that number up to 2000
>Grab another 1100 in twenties from the vault, send it out to her with the other 2000 in 50s, 2000 in hundreds
>She leaves, I go back to look at the check
>5000 dollars
>Wait....2000 + 2000 + 2.....oh shit
>Try to call her and her husband who is super rich
>I eventually can't reach them and leave a message on his business phone
>Think I'm about to be fired
>Send email to manager explaining what had happened
>Manager calls me in to office the next day
>He's a good guy, but can be tough some times
>Expect to get axed
>He says, you're fine, don't worry, that guys an asshole
>Allofmywut.jpg
>Turns out he called him and complained that a lowly teller had left a message for him, in those exact words
>We get the thousand dollars back, all is well
>Thank god they didn't drug test me


I have more cool stories if anyone wants to hear.

>working at SportsDirect
>Fellow Britons will know it
>it's as bad as you've heard
>place is horrible to work at
>searched on way out every single day
>managers are all fuck sticks
>ads everywhere in staff room about bonus schemes and company trips and parties
>only managers allowed to go
>work there 4 years and no bonus at all
>no over time
>work weekends and bank holidays
>every one has a radio to comm in big store
>take one home one day by mistake
idea.jpg
>go up to work in friends car with radio
>sit in car park
>every time a manager gets pissy on radio
>get friend to answer back
>"Hey ANON! could you walk all the fucking way back over here and pick up this tiny ball of paper that i could pick up and save time but i'm gonna make you walk 30ft to be a cunt"
>tell friend what to say
>"how's about you pick it the fuck up yourself you prick wipe"
>"WHAT DID YOYU SAY> FD>WSE"!
>managers going fucking mental
>every one in that day questioned
>several new people lose their jobs
>they never really found out who it was

>be 16
>3rd shift at steak n shake
>some girl yells at group of 3 black guys for something (not sure how it started but she ran her mouth)
>black guys told her to stfu bitch
>3 drunken white guys with her jump up chest puffed out
>fight breaks out
>everyone fighting 1v1 even the guy with a cast on his leg
>first group tussle, right hook to the white guys face blood happening
>guy with broker leg trips and hits head on counter top causing him to leak
>he gets up and continues to try and fight, black guy pushes him around
>3rd fight, neither one really seem to want to fight but white guy backs up until he hits the wall
>fight or flight time
>the tussle and go at it pretty good
>bobbing and weaving and couple shots connect to each others face.
>Manager comes out yelling she called the cops
>girl is crying holding the guy in a leg cast
> the black guys rush out to their car and try to get away, police intervene with a quickness (they are close by due to a known bar that has problems)
>eventually everyone leaves and there is still a bloody mess
>a group of drunk people come in
>ask them "Would you prefer bloody or non bloody section?"

>>728952642
of course

>>728952196

Again, this attitude just reinforces my point. It's one thing to try to take the moral high road when it comes to not working but, unless you're living with your parents or someone else is supporting you, you're going to have to work to survive.

When I was in college I thought I was hot shit - because I was. I was waaay younger than most of my classmates, flew through classes effortlessly, was in tons of clubs, graduated high school early, had tons of scholarships, was a veteran, finished multiple majors and minors, and still managed to graduate early. The thing is that I wasn't challenged by anything going on, so I easily monopolized most discussions because nobody at an undergraduate level I met could keep up.

Then I joined this online discussion group. I was immediately totally humbled by how much more so many people there knew than me. After going into a totally different field and growing up a bit, I learned that, at really prestigious jobs and universities, everybody thinks they're the smartest guy in the room. And when somebody thinks they know everything, they absolutely awful to work with. They refuse to admit mistakes, they aren't team players, and they try to get as much control over everything they can because they don't think anyone else is competent enough to do it. You trying to appeal to the fact that you were in management positions and dropping anecdotes about how people don't do what you tell them kind of proves my point that you're in the wrong bowl - that is, you're talking about entry level jobs. Of course you're going to have dumbasses working there.

My point is, if you don't get your act together, you'll be working with those dumbasses for the rest of your life - making you the worst kind of dumbass.

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>be me
>working at subway in some small town
>hate half the customers
>have meat that's messed with for them for being shitty
>it's 2am
>high as fuck friend drops in
>coworker who messes with the meat too isn't here atm, but he wants meatball so it's k
>give friend his sub
>coworker comes back
>tell him about tell him about 420marinara
>wut.exe
>coworker start laughing his dick off
>he pissed in the meatballs
>wellfuck.jpeg
>2 days later
>see high friend, still high
>said he loved the sub, saying it was way better than usual
>me trying to hold my laugh before I lose my dick

>>728952923
>it's not that I'm a dick
>except I'm a complete dick

>>728944498
Is there a part 2?

>>728940192

>be 17
>work summer job at a deli washing dishes and cooking sometimes
>just find out about how awesome weed is from coworkers
>always toke after work, but never before
>open kitchen and boss doesn't like us looking stoned or hungover that close to customers
>still do occasionally anyway
>one day come across some pot brownies
>buy a few and eat like 1/2 of one before work
>didn't realize it would hit me like 2 hours later and last about 4
>driving into work
>feeling fine... feeling fine.... feeling fine....
>oh shit.... it hit me
>walk in and immediately go hide behind pile of dishes in the dish pit
>start scrubbing
>shits going well
>like too well
>as im knocking out what felt like 20 or so pans, realize supervisor is staring at me
>looks worried
>comes over
>fuck....
>asks me:
Anon, you feeling ok?
>y-yeah.... why?
Ok. I was just a bit concerned because you've been washing the same pan for like 5 mins
>look down and realize I had just been putting pans into hot water and not on the rack
>laugh and try to play it cool but just end up semi sperging out
>boss kind of shrugs and goes back to the line

Felt like a total dick, but a week or so later my work crush got caught toking behing the store and they made me "supervise" her (aka show her how to smoke on the shift and not get caught). Worked out better than I anticipated...

>>728951170
>if im not doing something constructive, or if im hired on and im immediately the smartest guy there, i leave


Honestly... at no point are you ever the smartest guy there.

I seriously doubt that you would be the smartest guy anywhere.

>>728944498
Top kek

>>728941250

Actually the feels. I work at a seafood joint, in a town with like 4 other seafood joints with similar names, menus and white college kids working the FOH.

>Picking up order for Anon?
>uhhhh we dont have an Anon, are you sure you ordered with us?
>WHAT?
>HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY..
>wait is this _____ seafood?
>.... no
>oh..... well excuse us.

It happens like 2-3 a day when we're busy.

> software dev
> work in finance tech
> manager decides a bug in one of our product would take too much time to fix
> I never have anything to do
> I fix the bug in 5 minutes
> ask manager if she wants the fix to go to testing
> manager gets really angry and I get scolded for doing unplanned work
> like downright scolded and treated like a child
> Sunce then I've said fuck it and browse 4chan during downtime instead of trying to work
> fix goes into testing anyway and ends up in the next release
> during next customer presentation the key account managers are happy to proudly announce this fix

Way to motivate your employees.

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>Work in national grocery warehouse chain
>Get offered opportunity to transfer locations
>transfer comes with a 20% raise, and promotion to receiving crew lead
>FUCKYEAH!.jpg
>jump on that shit like a motherfucker
>move half way across the fucking country
>second day on the job walking out toward break area for a smoke
>See pic related outside the maintenance cage
>DEAR GOD! What have I gotten myself into!

>>728953092
i am simply in the wrong work environment. ive lived alone for 8 years and have put in a lot of my life to be as good as i am at what i do. most people just want a paycheck. they are there solely to make money. and this is most of my work life, most people just do not care lol

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>be me
>working at an urban farm
>it's a farm. in a city
>packaging food for the market
>chatting with cute girl
>a bit hipster, but bubbly and cute
>random small talk about music and shit
>conversation gets more interesting
>she asks "what are you passionate about"
>suddenly realize I don't have an answer for this question
>spend the rest of the day asking myself this question over and over again in my head while measuring out fucking sprouts
>it's been 9 hours since she asked
>is this what an existential crisis is?

>>728953762
you take it so literal, im not talking about an IQ test my man. im talking putting the effort into my work so things are done right and most efficient

>>728954553
Shut the fuck up

>>728954553
>simply in the wrong work environment

You sound a proper cunt.

Whose fault is it where you work

>>728954531

I don't know what this is.

>>728954855
you must be new here

>>728954553
>most people just want a paycheck. they are there solely to make money. and this is most of my work life, most people just do not care lol
then you might as well stick with the same job, because you will find a large amount of people like that in nearly every job you will ever do. only exception might be a highly skilled profession. but you'll never get to a highly skilled profession unless you get skills, and you won't get that by moving from job to job. so suck it up and learn to deal with clock watchers because you will never, ever, ever get away from them.

>>728954952
No.

U.

>>728954531
Did your ass pucker up tighter than a snare drum? Or did you go to the non perishable section looking for lube?

>>728951355
What kinda pussy calls an ambulance for a dislocated shoulder, just pop it back in.

>>728954933
It's SUPPOSED to be support for the Detroit Tigers. For someone who spends far too much time on the internet though, it's a declaration of loving cock.

>be me in highschool working at bagel store
>first time smoking a few hours before work in the morning
>customer asks for a plain bagel with butter
>spreading the butter on the bagel
>wtf is wrong with this butter? fuck it
>serve him his bagel
>watch him take a bite and go "what?!...ehh fuck it"
>realized I drenched his bagel in mayo and he kept eating it anyways

>>728954553

Okay, so you not only think you're smarter than everyone, you think you're better than them too. I'm not buying it because:

> 1. While posturing about how smart you are, you're writing at less than a 4th grade level.
> 2. There's no way you're chilling out at your own place with internet access if you're eligible for work because you feel like it's beneath you.

Then you talk about this whole "most people are just there to make a paycheck" thing as if there's another motivation for going to work, which really makes me question how much work experience you actually have. Of course most people work for a paycheck - you need money to live in this society. Even people who live off the grid have to pay taxes on their property.

If you want a job you're passionate about, go get an actual skill and stop working at places like Residence Inn that are a magnet for fuck ups who can't succeed at real jobs.

>>728952691
>if anyone wants to hear.
that's why the thread is here

>>728954641

I've actually been in that place before.

I just graduated college and couldn't find a job. I spent every waking moment looking for a job. The only time I took breaks was to go on hikes in the nearby woods.

But seriously, I was applying for almost 100 jobs a week. Nobody was biting. It took almost two years before I landed the gig I'm in now. Then I had all this free time and realized I almost forgot all the things I love. Rediscovering them has been a joy.

I would say spend time writing (pencil and paper - no computer) and try to figure out the things you used to do or spent most of your time doing. Just please don't end up like one of those faggots who "Is passionate about video games" or something.

>>728952083
Because it's copied from another another, longer, greentext

>>728954724

He's not failing to understand it, you fail to communicate it - reinforcing his point that you're just a knob who thinks he's smarter than everyone else but is actually a fucking dumbass.

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>>728953734

Another one, but from a different place:

>first week of work in a new kitchen
>have a buddy who got me the job but he isn't there at this time
>just me, an old prep guy and the sous who was a total stoner
>sous and I knock out prep with little lunch
>this makes the afternoon a cake walk
>decide we could spark up and make ourselves food before the dinner shift
>sneak out back seperately
>prep dude sees us, but doesn't say a word
>get a bit high
>kind of giggly
>walk back in past same prep cook
>he still stays silent
>the 2 of us walk up front to get the FOHs lunch order too
>talking to managers and boss
>immediately lose it laughing at nothing
>this triggers the sous to lose it laughing too
>can't get the order out, laughing too hard
>sous and I need to sit and recover
>while we're sitting, prep cook walks up front and sees us struggling to keep a lid on
>shakes his head and leans to the boss to say
"You know, I think they're laughing cause I just caught the 2 of em out back blowing each other"
>we lose it again
>boss loses it
>manager loses it
>waitresses lose it
>I think there was a regular customer there who lost it
>come to realize smoking at work is sort of encouraged to break up the monotony

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>Be last year
>Get job at a local distribution center
>Seems like a decent chance to make some better money
>Day 1 training walk in and see this
>Dafuq?
>Needless to say it wasn't exactly the best job in the world.

>>728954760
>>728954760
holy fuck anon

>>728954205
man I fucking hate this there's really too much bug in softwares nowadays

>>728956507

You know I work as a software engineer and the big thing that fucks stuff up is:

>Poor management
>Lousy deadlines
>Lack of documentation / emphasis on testing

Anytime there's buggy software or services failing, I've always found one of those three things are responsible.

>>728951355
Yo i don't see any social anxiety, you're just a faggot

>>728956674
I know I was working in the same job the biggest problem for me was deadlines as soon as the managers new the software was approximatly ready they were telling us to stop debbuging

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This is a story about how I got fired from my first job /b/, enjoy.

>Be state worker
>Work at beach
>First time working there so i get stuck with all the shit jobs
>Usually stuck at what we call "checkpoint'
>you have to guard the 4x4 access to the beach during the day
>They usually leave me there for my whole shift
>I start bringing my lunch because they usually forgot to pick me up
> One day a fox comes over while Im eating
>I toss him a bit of my sandwich
>We become buds after that.
>I set up my own little station overthere after a while, with an umbrella and radio
> Fox bro start to hang out in the shade of the umbrella and keeps me company
> One day a Normie in a huge ass truck comes
>he asks me why the gate to the beach is closed
>Tell him its due to the bird mating season (I had no idea why it was closed, and still dont)
>Offers me $50
>tell him to fuck off (If they found out i took a bribe I'd get fired on the spot)
>Tells me if I dont let him on he'd run down the Rickshaw
>Get infront of his car because Im looking for free college
>He gets out of the car and I can tell he's gonna throw some punches
>Fox Bro wakes up from his nap due to yelling
>Just as he's aboutta throw a punch Fox bro attacks him.
>He yells at me to help him
>I dont
>he eventually gets Fox bro off him and drives away.
>about 20 mins later park management shows up
>They try to explain that they support me, but that Im fired due to PR.
>They allow me to resign
>I visit Fox bro time to time after that
>One day he isnt where he usually is
>Walk around abit, and find a fox carcass
>He was ran over.
>Give him a proper burial and visit his grave every year after his death
>Rest in Peace fox bro

>>728958070
Aw, man.

>>728940192
Mike?

>>728956086
yea, the same place flew me to LA and I made like 4k in 2 weeks

>>728958070
you legit made me cry

>>728955798
kekk

>>728958070
RIP in peace foxbro!

>>728959677

I have another from yet a different restaurant:

>be on the line
>just creeping on swing
Swing means you're splitting 2 shifts but you have to prep between lunch and dinner, then work the dinner shift at this place. A long day, but no clean up so it's a lucrative shift. Anyway
>gets to the turnover
>place empties out, save myself and a handful of other people
>everyone is stocked, prepped and wiped
>ready to go, but no tickets
>start busting down parts of the kitchen we wont need for dinner like the prep line and walk in
>get the newest guy to do bulk of moving shit and other bitch work
>a few tickets trickle in but we can cook and clean, no problem
>get to a good point to focus on orders and stop cleaning
>ask green guy to come to the line when he's done
>tells me he's done and ready to cook
>"one more thing, go grab the biggest pot you can find"
>fetches like a 25L pasta pot (a pretty big one)
>"Ok, now go over to the coffee maker and find the hot water tab"
>goes over, finds it
>"Can you empty that? It's gonna go for a while, but it should drain after about a pot and a half"
For those of you that dont know, it's connected to a main water line, hence the water wont stop unless the main is shut off entirely.
>Other cook and I are dying laughing, can't even call orders rolling in
>still manage to hold it down
>Expo chick eventually points this out to the shift manager and she flips the fuck out
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??? WERE ABOUT TO GET SLAMMED AND YOU'RE MAKING HIM DO THAT BULLSHIT????"
>Can't breath
>greenie is pissed
>manager is furious
>I quit like 2 days later with no fucks given

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I'm down
>2013
>working as an overnight co-manager at Wal-Mart
>about 2 am, foot traffic's slowed to a trickle
>in walks this skeleton looking fucker
>at least 6' 5"
>skinny as fuck
>eyes sunken in
>pale as fucking White-Out
>needless to say, dude looked shadey so I followed him from a distance to make sure he wasn't pocketing shit
>he enters and makes a B-line to the meat section
>and just fucking stares.
>stands there staring at the poultry section for a solid 16 fucking minutes
>I know 16 minutes because my lunch was coming up so I was constantly looking at the time
>grabs about 6 packs of raw drumsticks and goes to check out
>it's lunch time so I shrug it off and go to clock out
>get in my car and start driving around the back of the store to head to IHOP for lunch
It was easier to get out that way.
>turn the corner
>headlights hit Skeletor
>crouching down, just fucking eating a raw drumstick like it's his first meal in months
>we lock eyes
>he drops the chicken
>runs, scales a 16' chainlink fence in no more than 2 seconds
>and just bolts into the forest behind the store
>my fucking face when
>head back inside, gtab a security guard
>we check the spot where Skeletor was
>chicken bones fucking everywhere
>4 out of the 6 packs torn open and presumably eaten
>my fucking face when... Again.

>>728961942
Yo, Wtf. Where was this?

>>728940192
>be me, patient care tech at a reputable hospital
>work 12 hour shifts (day shift) 3 days a week and make awesome money plus benefits.
>get a bariatric patient who has just had a total knee replacement
>wants to use the bedside commode
>he is too fat for the bedside commode so we have to go and get him a bariatric commode.
>takes us a long time to get him from the bed to the commode even with just a stand, turn, and pivot
>finally sits down
>"hurr false alarm durrr"
>later, he wants to pee
>wants to use a tiny basin used mainly for spitting when you're brushing your teeth in bed....as his bed pan
>dudewat.jpeg
>"sir why don't we use the regular bedpan? this one is going to just leak everywhere..."
>he looks at me
>"when you see down there you'll understand"
>no joke
>this dude had a penis so small it was literally hiding inside of his body. It was like a pinky sized clit hidden away in the folds of his foreskin.
>feel so bad for the guy I just let him try it that way
>30 minutes later, nothing. bladder scan him. 800cc of urine
>straight cath that mother fucker. he whines like a bitch.

Hospitals, man.

>>728961942
>be 2 am
>it's lunch time
Stopped reading fag

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>>728962301
Houston.
I've come to the conclusion that it was a methhead, but still weird as shit.

>>728962487
>Overnight
Learn to read, faggot.
Clocked in at 10, breaks at 12 and 5, lunch from 2-3, clocked out at 7.

>>728962487
He works graveyard shifts. What would you call a meal at 2:30am?

>>728962487
Do you even read nigger?

>>728941917
Always a favorite of mine

>>728962487
Fucking dumbass

>apply for Amazon FBA job
>boss outright tells me its a slow job with lots of downtime
>basically do 30 minutes of work every day and watch youtube for 8 hours

and not a single fuck was given that day

>>728949175
Why, weren't there any mirrors in the toilet?

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>>728963891
Dude, if you handle that you are a stronger woman than I.
My last job was logistics coordinator at a metal fabrication company and it was pretty much what you described and it was so fucking mind-numbingly boring and unfulfilling I ended up coming in afterwork everyday learning to weld so I could move to welding and leave that shit.

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>work for school district
>handle all surplus computers
>largely unsupervised
>steal tons of computer parts, hard drives, graphing calculators, electronics, cameras, etc.
>find a buyer
>smmake thousands extra each year for several years

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>>728949303
butthurt

>>728951170
Neckbeard?

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>>728955353

>Be me working at Autozone after class
>do this for about a year
>start failing some classes due to workload becoming too much
>boss was cool at first but turned into a douche
>asked for a change in schedule so I can get Sunday's off so I can study for classes and bring grades up
>" well you did say you can work whenever so I'll see what I can do"
>come in to work next day and see the new schedule for the week
>I only work one day a week for 4 hours
>start panicking cus I can't pay my car payment with 40 dollars
>I say fuck it and decide to quit
>give him two weeks notice
> "naw you can stop working today or tomorrow if you want"
>tell him that I'll stop tomorrow and go back to work
> decide that since I'm quiting I can mess around
> work as slow as possible, take random breaks, talk to coworkers
>get a text from boss late at night "come in to work at 5:30 to 9:30"
> my last day was on my birthday
> get called in early by coworker bro who was my temporary manager since real manager was not there atm
>walk in and clock in
> see boss and say hi before I get to work as usual
> he sees me and yells at me asking what I'm doing here so early
> tell him that coworker bro who's in charge told me to come in
>he doesn't care, makes me clock out and wait until my shift starts
> fine whatever now I'm really gonna slack off and get paid for it
> work slower than before
> have conversations with my coworker bros before end of last day
> got paid for doing nothing the whole time
Left the store and found out that they haven't been able to get someone for my position because of the workload and boss being an ass

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>>728949901

>>728964614
Yup. Absolutely spot on. I just enrolled in union classes to become a construction crane worker. White collar jobs are not for me. Been there about 2 months, rewatched all my favorite shows and movies, a few audiobooks, some albums. Just about ready to kill myself.

At least I can post on 4chan all day though

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>work as a loader for UPS years ago
>trainer is walking me through the warehouse and giving me the basics of the job
>tells me "REMEMBER, THESE PACKAGES ARE FRAGILE TAKE THE UTMOST CARE WITH THEM." like 4 times
>eventually get to the loading section
>working with 5 dudes
>they fucking threw the packages into the truck from 30ish ft
>kicked the packages in
>one dude dropkicked a big box into the truck
>saw a dude pull off a flawless verticle suplex on a 6ft long box
>pretty sure it was filled with fluorescent bulbs
>heard shattering
All in the span of about 45 minute.

>>728966310
BAH GAWD BAH GAWD THAT MAN IS BROKEN IN HALF

honestly sounds fun as fuck. My friend said that UPS is the fast track to getting into a union, but its a shit job. Can you confirm?

>>728965864
Finally, somebody gets it.
Every time I tell someone about the job I get the same fucking reaction
>You get paid how much to sit around all day!? I wish I could do that!
No you fucking don't, it gets so damn boring you get to the point you're looking forward to have some actual work and you're contemplating coating the breakroom walls with the inside of your skull.

Call me weird, but I get, Idunno, depressed when I don't feel like I worked for a paycheck, know what I mean?
I got into welding, burnt myself constantly, shocked myself, came home covered in dust and shit and felt like "Fuck yea, I earned that fucking money."

>>728950555
Dem tripz

Another Bank Teller story

>Be working with my two bros, call then ben and tanner for now

>Ben isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but super nice, and always happy
>Tanner is smarter, and also chill and comes in drunk some days, but he's good at hiding that shit
>All 3 of us are working one evening after the managers gone
>As a teller, you profile people, as in you eventually can tell the type of person who would commit a crime, or the rich person, or the person driving the shitty car who's actually filthy rich
>We're all working together one evening at about 5:30, manager and other banker have gone home
>We're chilling and telling great stories about our lives, when this dude comes in
>He wants to cash a 5000 dollar check that doesn't look right and he doesn't have an account
>We tell him we need 2 Ids, says he doesn't have one so he'll come back tomorrow
>We know it's off then, but don't say anything cause that means we have more work to do
>He comes back 15 minutes later in the drive-up with the same check
>We all are super excited cause now we can actually call the cops on him
>Ask for a fingerprint on check as is standard policy
>he does it
>We tell him okay, we just have to get the cash from the vault
>4 minutes pass
>About a minute later, he puts on sunglasses and tries to lean into the car, clearly suddenly aware of all the cameras on him.
>another minute goes by and he starts asking for his ID's back
>Me and the other teller are cracking up at this point cause it usually takes the cops between 5-7 minutes to arrive
>Tell him we're counting the cash as we speak
>He sees a cop car pull into the driveway
>Speeds off, doing 30 out of the parking lot
>goes into the road, turns out and is immediately signaled to pull over
>He pulls over and we watch this guy get arrested 300 feet from the bank

>>728966827
Don't know, it was a seasonal job i did during the Christmas break in college, I wasn't there quite long enough to really see where it was going.

Wouldn't recommend it though. Co-workers adamantly hated the job and the pay was shit.

>>728967155
Yeah, I'm with you. I think it has to do with wanting to work with your hands, to create something, as well as being goal oriented. A lot of people don't have any goals or creative ambition and don't mind sitting in that office chair until they're 400 pounds and bald. My whole life I was pushed to the humanitarian white collar lifestyle by my family and everyone around me. Took a lot out of me to tell them all to fuck off but I am glad I did. Are you already working in welding or still training?

>>728940192

>working at restaurant
>foreign man with strange accent asks for knives
>says it like "noives"
>i say what? over and over
>his gf gets mad and says he wants knives
>i get knives for them but his gf says some rude shit to me in french
>i speak french
>i get in angry yelling match in french with some customers while holding a knife in each hand
>boss walks in

>>728967437
I figured as much. I've never seen a UPS/Fedex worker that didn't look like they were going to go home and hang themselves that night

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>work as retail staff a theme park
>relieving colleague for their break
>basically stand by a freezer out in the scorching sun selling ice creams
>big negro creature approaches
>herewego.avi
>'I bought a bottle of water here, but I left it'
>'Sorry sir, I can't give away products that I didn't see the sale of'
>negro gets very close to my perfect white face and looks at my name badge
>'anon, let me speak to your manager'
>'okay'
>radio through to ask for assistance
>over the loud speaker
>'NEGATIVE DO NOT GIVE HIM THE WATER, IF HE STARTS FREAKING OUT CALL SECURITY'
>negro goes full tard mode
>tips over freezer with drinks
>drinks everywhere
>mfw

>>728967703
sacrés français

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>Used to work at a comic book store in my town
>town of 15,000
>iowa city, so not too many bad people
>one day, some crusty looking fella walks in
>full fedora and everything
>"IS DISH WHERE DUH MAJICKK TOURNAMENT ISSH?"
>had to wipe spit from my face
>"Yes sir, would you like to buy a pack?"
>look up from counter
>he sits down at one of the tables
>pulls out a piece of pizza from his backpack
>picks lint off it
>visiblydisgust.jpg
>walk over to him
>"Sir, we have a No-Food policy in pl"
>interrupts me with a large BRAAAAAPP
>"Hehe That Was My Dragonshout."
>Hand him a stack of cards
>"Oh, Muh Fwends aw comin nowe"
>an overwhelming stench of nerd fills the store
>all with cargoshorts and either weeb or comic shirts
>store owner comes in
>"What is that horrible smell?"
>sees disgusting group of manlets
>shooes them out
>owner tells me to go home and rest
>next day, no more magic signs or cards
>store is quieter and quainter
>of course, until that night
>guys riot in the store
>say that "DEY TOOK AWAY MAJICKK"
>guys pitch a fit in the store
>owner grabs a fucking .40
>cocks it
>guys run
>well, more like fastwaddle
>Owner puts sign outside window
>"No Card Games Allowed"
>mfw my job became easier from there

>>728940192

>work at jimmy johns
>just started but its not bad
>coworkers are great except one
>comes into work high as shit
>stinks of piss and stale cum
>never washes his fucking hair
>filthy ragtag neckbeard with loose hair for sandwiches
>coworker comes in one day, pure white in the face and fire red eyes
>mumbles something about green text
>fucking idiot sent two slices of bread to a customer
>I think since hes worked here for 10 years, he will assume responsibility
>He doesnt, so I get lit up like Basrah by my manager
>smelly cunt stoner coworker sniggering behind manager
>I pretend to cry to save my job, I need to pay for college
>Manager leaves and coworker is staeing at me with a fucking grin across his face, eyes pure red
>he turns around and walks away in his stupid fucking gait like ozzy osbourne
>go home and look at his kikebook
>has a pillow he is "married" to
>kekk

>>728967611
Got into the welding department in December after about two months of afterwork practice. No schooling, no apprenticeship, just practice and not a damn thing I've ever done has failed quality control.
My family's a bit more supportive. My younger brother is going to uni for mechanical engineering or something like that and every now and then I'll jokingly ask my dad who he's more proud of considering my brother's gonna be an engineer and I'm a filthy, wet back laborer. He makes it clear that he could give a hot fuck about what we're doing as long as we enjoy it and, homie, I fucking enjoy what I do.

>>728968267
That's nice man, good on you. You in the US? I'm in NYC myself, a bit tough to not get sucked into office work/culture.

Anyway best of luck to you

>>728949303
Found the intern

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>>728968210
i live in ic as well.

>work in jewelery store
>some fuckhead coworker always giving free services to people
>sends customers "diamonds" out for repair (like cleaning and polishing)
>coworker quits two days later
>customers "diamonds" come back a couple weeks later
>repair people didn't do any work because obviously not diamonds
>first time any of the rest of us have seen this repair.
>most obvious not diamonds ever
>old coworker wrote they were in fact diamonds.
>put an insane replacement value
>customer claims to have sent "diamonds" out all along
>brings in ancient receipt from Sears in the nineties.
>spend 500$ on some
diamonds who's pictures don't even match the description of what coworker sent out
>lady gets free diamonds.

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>>728968451
I'm a Houstonfag.
Houston is the place to go if you want to get your hands dirty and work.

As the saying goes, enjoy your job and you won't have to work a day in your life.

Good luck to you too, dude. Have fun with the construction crane work, shit seems like a blast.

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>>728968229
>have to cry for your job
>but he's a pathetic cunt so I win
That guy punked the shit outta you, dude.
You needa start coming up with something to get him back.

>>728960346
>RIP in peace
Fuck me anon its already dead

>>728969074
another
>standing around staring off into space
>some old lady comes in
>I HAVE THESE TWO RINGS I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYMORE. SOMEONE AWFUL GAVE THEM TO ME
>alright well would you like me to send them for appraisal so you can sell them for a value
>I WANT TO JUST GET RID OF THEM TODAY I WANT THEM UNSOLDERED

like people will fuze one ring to another so they look like one ring

>well we don't buy jewelery but I'd be happy to tell you some avenues you could go or you could
go across the away and have them m fixed today so you can sell the other online or maybe to a pawn shop
or something
>lady has been fairly normal to this point
>NO I DONT WANT THAT NOW I JUST WANT IT GONE
>lady procedes to verbally freak out making some awful noises. she was prolly like 65-70 years old
>screaming and summons some insane strength
>rips the fucking rings apart from eachother breaking them in the process
>still verbally raging and throwing a fit with shards of rings in her hand
>tell her she needs to leave
>she freaks the fuck out over to the trash can inside the mall
>throws rings away
>goes into sees candies

rings weren't anything crazy but definitely retail
prob 500$ so she could have least gotten 100$

fuck green text...

In IT.
new admin assistant needs a image viewer for opening and converting obscure graphics format images.

In IT, we call shareware that has NO restriction except advertisment to purchase, "Nagware"
And we also say, "Just use it, it is not crippled"

remotely install it for new user.
call them over phone, explain nagware, tell them it is not crippled.

Next day, new admin assistant rolls by me at lunchline, in wheelchair....

>>728969567

Are you fucking retarded?

Read the post it replied to.

>>728970161
are you sure you replied to the good post ?

>>728969867
you didn't take the rings?

>>728970485
nah not worth risking my job even tho it wasn't thrown away in my
store. wouldn't have been worth the hastle she damaged them beyond repair. was just scrap and a couple diamonds.