minor crimes you never got caught for ill go first >get $150

>>728468077
I jerked off in a park once late at night.

I thought it would be a thrill and i would cum extra or some shit, it wasn't that great.

>>728468077
Is /b/ related to strawberry clock?

>>728468415
I jerked off in class once during finals to this bitch in a low cut skin tight dress

Stole a pen from my bank three years ago.

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>>728468077
>spend $150 to get fake $100
>not understanding return on investment

>>728468749
what do you mean?

>>728468749
>>728468847
He spent 150 to make 100
when he could've just used the 150 to save 50 dollars

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>>728468847
If you really don't understand, let's talk business:

I will sell you right now all the materials you need to get 100 fake $1 bills for $150. Does this seem like a good idea to you?

>>728468077
You're a fucking retard.

>>728468749
>get
>implying he bought the materials

Stole roughly $200 with my bro from a store over time.
Not that big of a deal, if my parents had ever found out they would've beat the shit out of me, though.

>>728469072
yes, because they normally go for $165

>>728469115
If he did acquire them, he wouldn't have thrown the price of them

i sneak into my neighbours houses and raid their laundry for their little girls dirty panties

i do this every month and i dont hit the same house more than once a year

>>728468595
calling the cops

>>728469161
damn, was it a rush?

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>>728469179
well played, anon

well played

>>728469193
And if he purchased them he would have said that too

>admit to crimes
>isp can leak info to anyone
You guys are smart

>I've shoplifted several times
>defaced British currency
>fished several times without a license

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I changed one of those electronic highway traffic signs to say "Lick my ballsack" about an hour before rush hour started. They didn't fix it until the afternoon.

>>728469209
Cool, can you send me some?

>>728468415
Had sex in a park at night. Cop passed by just earlier and put his lights on us. We thought he'd come around again and the sex was intense. Had to cover her mouth so she wouldnt scream

>>728469179
But... You still are spending more money on those materials than the fake money you get in return?

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>>728469213

pls no

>>728468077
made $1500 on youtube monetizing copyrighted content

>>728469266
if he STOLE them he would have said so

plus, what kind of retarded crime is to steal materials to counterfeit a mere $100 that is probably going to take more time and effort than actually WORKING for that amount?

>>728469330
Kek, proof?

>>728469289
I have defaced currency before

>>728469277
>"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood"
>"Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact"

i've posted 3 fake stories in this thread already

>>728469440
No proof, but if you wanna give it a try it's pretty easy to do. The door to the controls are usually unlocked and there are manuals inside of them. Mine even had the passcode written in sharpie on the inside of the door.

I've jaywalked hundreds of times with no negative consequences.

>>728469209
You have 12 neighbors that have got young girls

>>728469209
pics.....

>>728469548
this i believe

Guys, I.

I ripped the tag off of a mattress.

Without purchasing the mattress.

I now have to live with the eternal shame.

>>728469673
You sick fuck

>>728468077
Used to make buildings' foundations unstable using thermite. Just enough for the city to come by and condemn the building. Never burned them down all the way.

>>728469673
This is too much, why haven't you been punished yet?

LOCK HIM UP

>>728468077
>Stole 50 bucks at the store I worked at.
>Never really came out.
>Got fired half a year later anyway cause they were cutting staff.

>steal yo-yo from store
>broken after 10 mintes

>>728469839
Way to minor of a crime for this thread.

Used to sell fake acid to kids in high school. I wouldn't sell them a dangerous drug or anything like that, I would just get the blank sheets of paper with the pictures and perforations on them off amazon and shit like that for pennies, then sell 100 tabs a sheet at $5-10 per tab. Most of the time you can only sell to someone once for obvious reasons but I had a few stupid kids who kept coming back, I feel kinda bad about it

>>728468077
FBI here.
prepare to rot in jail you scum.

>>728470333
kekked and chekked

>>728468077
>be me
>steal packet of gum

i still dont feel bad for it, but i dont do that shit any more.

painting graffiti

>>728470218
Really? Shit. Gotta step up my game. I once had sex in the missionary position. For the sole purpose of procreation.

>>728468077
>stole a few straws from a local wendy's
[spoiler] dubs xd [/spoiler]

I put 5 donuts in my bag
>use self checkout
>only pay for one

Been doing this for years, once took about a dozen and paid for two
>I only ate one

>>728470602

I used XD and failed spoiler tags on /b/. I'm going to go turn myself in now.

>>728470647
Damn, you smart.

>>728469209
Pics of panties !

>>728468077
Hit some guys and a chick with a bat in the face and ribs in the middle of a gas station parking lot when i was younger,
they were trying to take my area i ran for smokes to sell at the schools.

I usually make off with around 4-5 grand working as a Salvation Army bell ringer.

The lock on the kettle is a fucking joke. It's not even a lock. You can use a screwdriver to turn it. On my way to drop off the kettle, I'll take a couple handfuls of change and a few of the bigger bills. You'd be surprised how many people drop 50's and 100's in those bastards.

The guy who trained me in taught me all this. He said don't worry about getting caught, they expect you to steal. The people that you turn the kettle in to? They're taking a cut too. Everyone's fucking taking a piece.

>>728469161
Hi fatman

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>>728469179
Nice

>>728469193

Eh. It's possible he didn't pay. Statement and usage is ambiguous.

Stole the Declaration of Independence

>>728468077
Spent $150 to make $100. Sound investment my friend. BTW I have some land in Syria I'd like to sell you.

>snuck into sorority house
>stole sofa cushions
>stole big paper mache pineapple tree
>pissed in pair of sneakers left near one room
>never found out

>>728468077
stole from many shops, mostly little stuff, was caught the last time but nothing came of it because it was "the first time" and decided to stop doing it for a while, caused a divorce by reading tarot cards (not exactly a crime but i guess it counts), cheated on a specialized test for college

>>728471633
Go away, Cage.

>>728470647
Works with produce too. Just use a cheaper price/lb item code than you're actually buying.
I am the grape bandit.

Stole a pack of condoms when I was 15 just to know how it would feel to have one on. Had to wear it for like 2 hours before I coult take it off, when one of my sisters almost caught me wearing it.

Did a lot of graffiti graff life and stole some beer

burglury, stole as much alcohol as we could fit in a car. Sold it to friends and family.

>>728470333
nice, well done
too bad you can only skin a cat once

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>>728468077
Stealing towels from a hotel I was staying at.

>>728468077
List so long I don't know where to start
>fucked up countless property of public/private
>driving without license many time since I was 14
>driving drunk without license when I was 16
>not reporting very serious crimes that I knew of to the authorities
>selling green and paper
>not paying any import taxes nor taxes on international orders summing up to a 10k usd
>beaten up a security guy with the lads

These are the ones I could think of right now, but there are a lot more things I have done tho

>>728473290
bad trigger discipline.
they are going to shoot each other in the feet.

>>728469399
>u got troled

>>728468077
Stole a bunch of metal poles from furniture and hardware stores to add to my arsenal of wacking sticks.

I rubbed a 14ish year old girls pussy on a packed train.
Think it's minor because it was over her clothes

>>728471231
That's pretty sad of you.

>>728473396
you sound like a nigger

>>728474954
I am actually very white.

>>728468077
wait wait wait
you paid 150 dollars to eventually spend 100 free dollars (assuming the cost of materials is included in the 150) for what purpose? To learn? Reminds me of bitcoin.
This is a net loss of 50 dollars, no?

>>728468077
...so you illegally took a met loss of $50?

Criminal fucking mastermind, you are.

>>728470699
>precognitive dubs
I'll give it to you.

I've been writing graffiti for a few years, that's about it

>>728473513
I see 3/4 with decent discipline.
>shotty
>fuddy five
>akimbo gangster


ak boi might be holding just the pistol grips. Could be 4/4. Your joke was shit.

>>728470499
I work in a rail yard and snap pictures of the best ones

>>728468077
stole 50 hotwheels over the span of a year from walmart

>>728468077
150$ =/ 100$ , whats the point?

>be me, 15 yo
>me and friend went fishing
>found a new spot further away from town, hard to get to
>catching a few pretty good sized trout
>go to take a leak
>taking leak
>notice something
>we're surrounded by pot plants
>very thick, it's a fucking grow operation
>abandon fishing
>grabbed as many buds as we could, still a shitload left, won't be missed
>high af for the rest of the summer
>kept going back, sold some
>made a couple grand

>>728475689
wasn't a joke it was honest.
the safety is off and all the guns are pointed towards feet and legs.
in addition, their fingers are on the trigger while the safety is offf.


If is bad trigger discipline.

Back in the day when /b/ always had fake coupon threads I used a few to score some free magic the gathering packs

>>728476079
Literally my dream

>>728471716
How much?

>>728471231
This explains a lot about you. Also why I never donate to the salvation army in those buckets.

>>728469277
>ISP would really report petty crimes

>>728476385
I miss the jewpon threads. Too bad almost every store caught on. They still a thing?

>>728468077
2006. A friend of mine had a friend who drove electronic from warehouse to suppliers. He would stop in his route and sell extra cartons of electronics to about 5 of us. This included tv recording equipment, iPods and iPads and whole load of other standard tech. I'd buy £500 of iPods (usually about 30 units depending on how many he had) I would then use them as currency for drugs. I'd get 2 grams of molly for 1 iPod. An ounce of bud for an iPad. I also managed to sell 15 limited edition iPods to a local electronics supplier for £50 a unit. This went on for about 5 years

When I was a kid I would shoplifting Legos

>>728477123
Nah I haven't seen one in years sadly

Lived innawoods for 3 years. Poached deer, elk, and rabbits.

stole my stephmothers creditcard and used it on world of warcraft, gave the info to my friends too

>>728468077
>admitting to anything. ever.

>>728468077
Counterfeiting IS NOT a minor crime. it is a First Degree Felony that could put you away fro life.

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>>728468595

>>728476163
Proper trigger discipline is when you're actively keeping your finger off the trigger until you're ready to fire. At worst it's bad muzzle discipline. Lurk /k/ moar

>>728468595
>>728477617
rekt

>>728477510
I want to know more about this

>>728468077
https://discord.gg/puTpg2E

stole 640$ in cash

>>728468077
Soo your out 50 bucks?

>>728477617
fgserg

>>728473396
stories of what u fucked up
graff?

>>728477617
got me fam

>>728468077
But y $1 bills tho?

>>728469529
>All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.

That statement has been changed, it now says..

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.

>>728468415
I got a blowjob in a park, I'd never masturbate in public because masturbation is for lonely beta cucks

>>728475837
You know > exists right?

stole a bike, and returned it to the owner, she gave me 100$ for "finding" her bike

Grand Theft Auto.

Been playing it for years underage.

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stole around $200 if not more from my stores register over time. Stole food and liquor while underage as well.

>>728472727
How the fuck would your sister know you are wearing a condom? You fuck family?

Raped two women. Not at the same time though.

>>728478459
Did they say no?

>>728468077
I stole a tootsie roll from a Wawa in first grade. The feds are still looking for me.

>>728477725
One day I said "fuck it", packed some camping gear, and guns into my truck and drove as far into the woods as I could go. Found a nice spot, and set up a bush camp. Hunted, fished, worked odd jobs for some of the people in the area to get extra supplies like flour, rice, boots etc.

>>728478505
One did, the other had her face pushed into gravel. She probably did but who knows for certain.

>>728468077
Driving a car to school. 8th grade. Dad took a 4 day weekend with his girlfriend and I hated the yellow chariot. Couple of teachers saw me leaving but couldn't positively ID (slouching down, wearing baseball cap and big ass sunglasses.

Shat brix for a while though.

>>728478692
So that's one count of rape then, not two.

>>728478814
You sure he did not log the mileage before he left?

Group of friends would break into the little concession stand at our high schools sports fields.

We figured out how to unlock the big steel window thing and push it up, even if they chained it lul

House was a 2 minute Walk from school, would take home pallets of soda bottles, boxes of chips and candy, go back to my house and neckbeard the rest of the night with free concessions

>>728469234
At the start, it was a bit of a rush, but over time it was just a normal part of my day. Usually it's be $10-$20, we'd pay for something and leave with it. Apparently the workers didn't give a fuck, but whatever, free shit on the regular.

im browsing /b/ in my mothers womb

>>728478654
You're my hero.
If I weren't engaged I would've done this a year ago.

>>728478654
You lived my dream man. Fucking responsibilities.

Constantly destroy public or private property on fridays night after getting drunk. Traffic lights, cars in the neighborhood, things like that. Nothing impressive, it's just fun and makes me relieve some stress.

>>728479227
It was a hard life, anon. But all in all, I'd do it again. Hell, I'm just about one bad day away from doing it again. People were never meant to live like we do now. We were never meant to crowd one on top of another in cities. We were supposed to be more spread out.

>>728479298
You still have responsibilities, but they're just different. You have to keep the camp clean. Don't over hunt, or fish an area. Wake up early to check your traps. Things like that. The main thing is you're doing it for yourself, not some a-hole with a power trip.

I stole a peach from my neighbors tree.
I stole 2 packs of danish ham at 7/11 to feed a stray dog with 3 small puppies.

>>728468077
I have a penchant for grabbing people's bare ankles for teh lulz

>>728468442
I have also wondered this for a long time

>>728479727
Guys like this are the reason our city taxes increase..

>>728479114
That's really similar to what happened at my high school, Hoover, years ago
Some kids kept doing this to the point where the school got pissed and decided to keep the running track closed to the public during the day and the fences chained. A stupid reaction since the fences could be hopped anyways.

>>728480220
I really wish I could do this, the gal and I are thinking about buying a tiny house and small piece of land and not working or as little as possible.

>>728480620
This is where hidden cams come into play.

>>728480402
Cry me a river faggot.

>>728480702
Good luck unless you know somebody with land. The land and Tiny house combined will cost as much as a regular home. Been looking into this alot myself.

>>728480825
It hurts you as well dumbass.

>>728480886
The model I'm looking at atm cost 25k, the land is about 500$ an acre. so no to bad. Living with the grambam to save the cash up

>>728480702
Don't fall for the tiny house meme. Just get a decent travel trailer for a third of the price. The tiny house movement was designed to separate hipsters from their money.

>>728480620
Not the same school, but yeah we hopped the fences, they put in cameras, we put on hoodies.

Dan near got caught a couple of times lul, but since they locked the fences by the time they unlocked and chained them we hopped the back and we're gone

>>728481031
Where are you finding land for $500 an acre?

>>728481111
If you get one with solar and water reclaim it actually is a very good deal. If you can put it in the city you can actually make money selling your unused solar power back to the grid.

>>728481111
Could you give me an example of the type of trailer, I Will have the cash hopefully by the end of this year

Smoked hash and sold it. Stole countless pens and markers. And some "minor" vandalism. Highschool shit basically.

>>728481111
>The tiny house movement was designed to separate hipsters from their money.
This is more likely than people assessing their options and creating an ideal scenario based upon their own desires.
4chan, everyone.

>>728479114
At my school, some kid who graduated got kicked out of his parents house for smoking pot, so he got into the concession stand and lived there for a little while, and ate all the food.

Driving with a suspended liscense. Got away from cops 3 times while being chased. Didn't want to get in trouble for driving with no liscense

>>728481395
Craigslist has cheap trailers. The money you save can be put to use improving your homestead.

Stole $84 from a state tourism site donation box which happened to be a really really old church in a cemetery. ... I still feel guilty about it but even if I do pay it back I'm afraid they will not appreciate it and will attempt to call the police anyway.

>>728477941
>graff
never that

I slapped a few car mirrors, kicked in doors, smashed a tv once, shaolin kicked like 10+ of those yellow blinking construction lights (those irritate me anyway), a few windows

I got a rule btw, If it's private property, I don't mess with poor or good people's stuff. I don't just go rambling around like a monkey, most of my actions had a reason too.

>>728482006
>d
dont feel guilty because you needed the money more then they did

>>728481522
Maybe I should clarify my post. A stick built tiny house, on your own land is ok. A $75,000 glorified travel trailer that you need a semi to move, is hipster tier. Those are just my thoughts, take them as you will.

>>728469426
ARREST THIS MAN

>>728469881
Taylor????

>>728482138
I really didn't though, we were just two stupid kids not using our heads. For a person who has lurked 4chan for as long as I have, I still have morals in some area's of my life and hurting other people for stupid reasons is one of them that gets to me. This was about 5 years ago. But still...

>>728478654
This is really what I should do.
I respect you anon.

>>728468077
>>728468415
I have masturbated in public several times. Places I have done it are in the parking lot of my college and a movie theater, twice in the woods near a nature trail, one of them by a lake, and in the bathrooms of two places I've worked, one of them being in the ladies bathroom after everyone else in the office had gone home. Its not something I have done often, about once every two years.

>>728477535
If you did that she probs deserved it too

>>728469548
I find this unlikely.

We actually bought one of these signs from the gubment and they're designed so that there's no way to change them w/o a computer hooked up to them. You can't just like...walk up to it and program it unless you have the laptop w/ the software.

There's no passwords or anything though. You just plug a laptop into a serial port, connect it, run this shitty, super old software, send it the letters you want, and it's done. Kinda like reprogramming an arduino controller.

It's highly likely that they have 1 laptop for 20 signs and a guy just sets up the sign to say whatever it needed for that job and they take it out there programmed already. Specifically to keep schmucks like you from reprogramming it to say shit like "ZOMBIES AHEAD" or shit like that.

>>728477123
>>728476385
I remember those but never actually visited one,
would you guys tell me what was it like ?

I masturbated in a bus when i was like 14 years old. It was in the evening and the bus was nearly empty and in the front of the bus was a hot girl so i thought why not.

i tore the tag off my pillow

>>728477265
The guy who made the guide image and frequently started threads for making coupons was caught and arrested by the FBI. His IP backtraced to his college campus account. Seriously, Google it. To anyone in this thread who posted their crime, you fell for the trap and you're going to get v&.

>>728484652
Yes that did happen. But that last bit is highly unlikely.

>>728479114
My buddies and I broke into our school and took $50 and chocolate bars from a locker that was only held closed by a pencil. The money and chocolate was for a school fundraiser. I lived about a 30 second walk from the school so I was probably the prime suspect but I had a shirt tied around my head and gave my friends bandanas. There were cameras & silent alarms in the school. The cops showed up less than a minute after we left and ducked in the bushes

>>728469179

kek

>>728480358
It's not secret.

> stole money via trojan to buy wow gold at age 15 150 dollarz

>throw a stone into a sportshouse to steal cola and sweets

>graffitis

>i destroyed stuff in school and on partys with friends

>broke someones nose

not a crime but funny:

>stole girls icq password
>in school she came to me
>I THINK GUY X HACKED MY PASSWORD
>can you help plsss
>playing the hero
>give me 1 day.jpeg
>gave her back password i stole anyway
>thanks ( . ) ( . )
>made out with her

>>728485967
Ayyyyyy lmao

>>728484652
>implying everyone is american

you guys suck balls gtfo with your FBI shit

>>728468077
Stole Fire Emblem Awakening from Goodwill by slipping game in my pocket and just asking to buy empty case for $0.50 USD.

>>728468442
>Implying /b/ isn't part of the lock legion

>stole some stuff from church as a kid

>>728471231
If I ever see you ringing that obnoxious Salvation Army bell, I'll shove it so far up your ass, you'll fart Jingle Bells for a year!

>>728469072

I depends of how much of the materials can be reused. the ink and paper can't, but some stuff like the thing that you put the ink in and prints one dollar bills is probably reusable and can be resold for more than $50

>>728468077
Fucking nigger

>>728472727
This is worse than double murder!

>>728474954
He's a fuckin Bogan or just a Chav

Snuck into my aunts house through their dog door and jerked off to my cousins dirty panties.

I'm almost afraid to go into that shit but Used to shop lift consistently like it was insane I would just walk into stores and stuff my back pack full of CDs from target or literally just anything and then resell them at school for cheaper prices. Also a FRIEND of mine may have been exploiting a lack of company rules and organization in order to make a lot of money but since has quit doing so due to the business actually being competent now.

>>728475668
I think taggers should have both of their hands cut off as punishment. No questions asked, just two bloody stumps.

>>728468077
>sold 100 $1 bills to an idiot.
>told him they were counterfeit.
>charged him $150
>never got caught

graffiti

>>728486776
Why sneak in? Do it on Thanksgiving day while everyone eats pumpkin pie

>>728487478
When we go there I would always sneak into her room while everybody was doing something else, but I knew nobody was home that one time and decided fuck it and snuck in.

>>728468077
I've downloaded some CP

i downloaded a car

Went to get money from the ATM. The previous customer left his card in the machine. I took $100 USD from his account.

>>728478459
Not minor

I took the cookies from the cookie jar

surprised no edgelord has said murder yet

I walk into high end stores, come in with a shopping bag, grab something without no sensor on it and then take it to the cash wrap to return, usually I get store credit and I'll come back or go to the same dpt store but different location to spend my credits

>>728468077
>stole a cup of ice cream from the corner store when i was 11
>took a shit in a H&M changing room once
>flown a Lithuanian AS Griphon during dawn for 10 mins when the airbase was not guarded
>ate out Queen Elizabeth

>>728468557
If i saw shit like that back in thr day, i'd just rub my boner against the desk leg.

>>728469995
Anon is kill

>>728470333
Duterte would be proud.

once whilst on 40mg of diazepam, i filled a shopping trolley at Morrisons with about £200 of the best shopping and simply walked out the store to my car and placed it all calmly in the boot

>>728473396
what are you a nigger

>>728478654
what did you do with the flour, since you didn't have an oven

>>728490245
Didn't the alarm things go off?

>>728475150
Aussie

>>728490508
it was a big christmas food shop mainly, no alcohol, so nothing had tags on

>>728477150
He said minor crimes nigga, that's practically grand larceny

wow here i was thinking i had done petty stuff but this thread makes me not want to say what i've done

you guys are cops

>>728481031
$500 an acre? That means it's in the middle of the woods, on the side of a hill.

>no roads to it
>no electricity, water, sewer, phone or cable
>$30,000 to flatten it out
>$10,000 to excavate a crude dirt driveway that is impassable every time it rains
>live without power and internet

>>728478459
>>>>>>>>>>>minor

>>728479114
>fucking pallets

Christ anon, mission impossible 13 year old edition

>>728471231
I stole $5 from it once. Felt so guilty afterwards but eventually forgot about it.

>>728480262
Wholesome

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>>728481395

>>728468077
Stole an official xbox magazine from a local walmart when i was like 16.

Interestingly, the alarm went off, but the security guard inspected a couple that was coincidentally walking next to me.

Probably not that bad, but never again.

>>728480980
Kek, exactly. He sure showed the city, now time to give (((them))) more shekels

>>728468077

walked around my neighborhood completely naked a few times at like 1am.

>>728481111
Checked

>>728484035
I can safely say that the one you got was a pos then. I work in roading and 90% of the time i can do onsite programming without plugging in my laptop. Maybe you just got one pre-2000?

>>728473290
>wanting to steal a towel 1,000 people dried their cock and ass with

I didn't pay state use taxes on several items I ordered over the internet.

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>>728468077

>>728484162
I used a couple coupons myself. Got 24 packs of Mt. Dew and Coke for 50c a piece with something like 6 bucks off a 24 pack or something.

>>728487918
Minor crimes anon, minor. As in not that serious, not as in children

>>728470426
you mean Secret Service
they're the ones that handle crimes involving counterfeiting

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I dont know if catfishing is a minor crime...
But I made lots of money with saying that I am a girl on the internet.
Betas have to much money
Around 200 per month extra.Sometimes a lot more sometimes less

Spent tens of thousands of dollars on hookers over the years. I got ripped off once or twice but never caught.

>>728492084
What was the exact process? Greentext if possible pls

I didn't get dubs on this post

>>728468077
stole a girls stinky flats from the gym

>>728469277
Lrn2 statute of limitations. Plus, made up stories.

>>728468077
I think the punishment is the same for 1$ bills or 100$ bills. Why risk so much for so little? Go ahead a print the benjamins and enjoy yourself!

>>728469673
You sick son of a bitch that's a FELONY

>>728468077
I used to shop lift cigars. The key was to be engaged with the sales person and do it while talking with them. It sounds harder, but they would never expect you to steal right in front of them and you wont seem sketch. Also always buy when you steal.

>>728469209
i hide in the closet while my neighbor sneaks into my house to steal my daughter's dirty panties that i previously deposited a load of spooge in

Used my neighbor's Wifi

>>728492293
Because people don't take the marker to the 1s thereby making it less risky

I went 26 in a 25 zone

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>>728492133
Basic Stuff.
>2009/8
>Play some video game
>Guy came up and asked if I was a girl
>Said yes.
>Buyed me the newest games and equipment
>Fast forward to now
>Multiple accounts on multiple forums etc
>Perfected the way on how to talk like a girl
>15-40 yr old guys give me money for different reasons
Its a easy money making method.

>>728468077
Stolen probably a 1000 dollars worth of merchandise from my local Walmart. Everything from Alcohol to USB drives, I've probably stolen it. Nearly got caught eight months ago, so I stopped doing it. LP followed me after pulling a bottle of wine, so I put it back

>>728492788
Betas deserve to be used.

>>728468077
>Implying I've EVER committed a crime at all

Fucking criminal scum. The lot of you bastards.

>>728469209
You can avoid the breaking-and-entering part by going to real estate open houses, where they let you walk around and you can usually find the dirty clothes in the closet.

Stole a half pound of high grade weed from an Asian dude at gun point.
Later sold the stolen gun used in the robbery and bought coke.

>>728492788
Amateur.

I've stolen party hats, entire mask collections, bought gold in the billions, sold stolen accounts i got through pretending to be foreign kids' friends online etc.

If my digital crimes from all the games Ive ever played ever played out IRL i'd be looking at millions of years behind bars.

I AM THE ORIGINAL INTERNET GANGSTER

>>728493321
Dont mock me.
I put time and effort into this.
I have to put up with horny fucktwatd 24/7

>>728493404
lol give me ur best impression of gamer girl=-p

>>728493690
Nuhh I'm busy :3
Also that exde would be to obvious dummy

>>728468077
>28 years old parents dead, inherited the farm
>rented the fields to two uncles and a cousin
>Sat around did drugs and partied at stripclubs
>everynight at least 3-4 girls show up to party
>Friends super jelly
>started getting ideas
>charged friends to come over and fuck half passed out strippers
>used $ on more drugs
>more girls some not even passing out but willing to fuck for the drugs
>uncles salty about whats happening in his dead sisters home
>keeps calling cops, fucks with peoples car, being general nuisance
>one of the girls has her bf beat my uncle
>uncle in hospital 3 days
>kick everyone out sell house and move to Florida

>>728468077
>minor crime
>counterfeiting

>>728468077
So you spent $150 to make $100?

>>728491615
>a towel that was bleached many, many times and serves as shitty towels to clean up house messes that can just be tossed after a use. Not towels that I'd use to wash my face with.

>>728468077
Too many to count, a lot of drug related stuff going on in my life.

I just want to be an end consumer instead of having to deal that shit in medium quantities, never get involved into drug business when the people you work with can't afford you to leave. Mark my words, it will always end bad for you or someone you love, it's only a matter of time until I get fucked and I really hope that the state is faster than my enemies

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>>728468077

Minor crimes I never got caught for? Hmmm.... Let's start with the good ol' 1990's, back when cigarettes weren't behind limited access counters, and you could grab the packs out of racks on checkout aisles of supermarkets.... being a kid and stealing smokes and chocolates.

Fast forward to some years later, working construction in NYC and after the shift being done for the day around 4pm, deciding to take a long walk home up Madison Avenue instead of taking the subway. I randomly decided to stop in an office building around midtown [can't specify where for security reasons], smiled at the doorman, and when he asked if I was going to a certain floor I just smiled and nodded making my way into the elevator going up about halfway in the building. I figured it would be a better idea to then take the stairs and walk to the top floor.

From there, I walked downstairs, floor by floor... trying to see what businesses and offices were there. Architects, software developers, Dentist offices, et. al. Then, I find my way into a medical office...

Turns out around this time, on certain days of the week, many offices are left open and unlocked for cleaning crews to gain access unbeknownst to me at the time. Naturally, I took advantage of the unlocked entrance and decided to make my way through the office.

I first passed the general reception area, checking the drawers and cabinets and started thinking how much I always loved those pharmaceutical company pens. So I grabbed a bag and loaded it with dozens of these stupid things. Now i'm walking around with a bag completely full of pens.... not knowing what else to take or what else I can find. I continue making my way through the office....

>>728493944
what the shit is that? your impression of a fucking tomboy dyke playing vidya? or some fat fucking lumberjack taking a shit?

get outta heeeee

>>728491816
You son of a bitch!!!

What the fuck did I do to you!!????

>>728494636
rubbed your dick all over the tongue depressors

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>>728468077

Exam room 1, then 2, then 3.... Not much, latex gloves, syringes, alchohol pads, and the like. Then I find Exam room 4. Sitting in the cabinet: 3 vials of US Pharmaceutical Testosterone Cypionate 200mg/mL. One opened, two brand new and sealed. I stuff them into my bag with the pens and also some latex gloves I thought could come in handy... which I also decided to put a pair on to avoid leaving fingerprints. I leave the examination room, and proceed back into the hallway not knowing what else lies ahead of me.

As I start walking, I see a sign for one of the Doctors from that practice. Figured it's his personal office within the main office itself. Turning the knob, I see that it's not locked and decide to walk in. The lights automatically come on, and I walk over to his desk. Some drawers are open, some are locked. I don't see much, but I keep going through to see what I can find. Overhead, attached to the desk itself, is what's referred to as a desk hutch, with a couple of cabinets attached. The one that's unlocked has some bullshit binders: medical coding/billing type stuff, some patient information, insurance information, etc. etc. etc. But the one that piqued my interest, obviously, was the one that was locked.

So I open the main desk drawer and find a letter opener and manage to pry open this locked cabinet. Generation 1 iPad, loaded with the good ol' Doc himself and family photos of a recent trip he went on with another famous doctor who will remain nameless. For those that want a hint, he has a TV show and gives advice to lonely, obese women with no more hope in their lives. Seems that the TV doc and this doc are boys and went on vacay together. Little did this doc know that his first generation iPad would be going on vacay with me, 75 pharmaceutical company pens, latex gloves, alchohol pads, and 3 bottles of Test Cyp. So I close up and keep it moving.

>>728468077
stole $3000 dollars from a bank once, it was left in an automatic payment box, but something malfunctioned and I took that shit

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>>728468077

I check out a couple more offices, but with no luck since they were locked. Finally, one room left to check. Turning the knob slowly, I pray and hope this one will work. 'SHO NUFF', after turning and pushing forward I see no resistance as I press forward, watching the door slowly start to open. The light automatically turns on due to the sensor. Following the same protocol as before, I follow the same routine and scour the drawers and cabinets attached to the desk hutch. This office was different though: there were more shelves and cabinets surrounding the desk up against the wall. Pictures, degrees, and certificates adorned the walls of this particular office. I look on one of the shelves in the cabinet against the wall units. Johnny Walker Blue gift set, and a very nice Hennessey XO gift set as well. I put both on top of this generous doctors desk, and start looking for another bag since the one I had was full and in no way could fit even one of the glasses included in the gift sets.

I continue looking, only now I open up another cabinet and see on this particular shelf a cardboard box that was unmarked and very inconspicuous. I open it up and find about 36 prescription pads or so, sitting neatly inside that inconspicuous looking box. Realizing it would be a complete dead giveaway if I take all of them, I decide to take 6 of them and left an even number inside the box so this way it wouldn't look like anything was stolen. Along with the pads, I remembered seeing a couple of stamps inside his desk. I stamp the different ones onto some scrap paper and quickly discover that one of the stamps contained his DEA number along with his name, and NPI number. Thanks doc... I needed those.

By now I had everything I needed -- all unintentional discoveries of having randomly decided to enter a building on a random walk home one summer day. I find a bag, load everything up.

>>728494222
Check'd

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>>728468077

Except now, I start to hear the sound of people talking in the office along with the sound of vacuum cleaners. Not knowing what to do, I stand behind the door and start to think about my options and what I should do. I didn't really memorize the layout of the floor plan, and I wasn't sure if there was a quicker exit out of the office from where I was located. The voices started getting closer........

While standing behind the door, I see some things hanging up. A shirt, a stethoscope, and a labcoat. Fuck it, let me throw the labcoat on real quick just to see somethingl It fits, but is a little tight. I suddenly decide to open up the door and crack it open about 3-4", then quickly grabbed the bags with everything and put them alongside the desk which I then sat down in. I looked around and found a drawer under the desk that had some manilla folders with some patient information in them. Grabbing a small stack of them, I threw them on the desk and opened them up pretending to be writing in them while also grabbing the phone on the desk and putting it up to my ear.

All of a sudden, some chunky south american cleaning lady comes into the office and sees me sitting there, labcoat on, phone against my ear, with me writing some bullshit notes into a patients folder. She looks at me and says 'Im so sorry doctor, I didnt see you or know you were here! Im so sorry!"

>>728468077
I used to sell acid and weed in high school

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>>728468077

"No problem my dear, you can go ahead and start cleaning -- i'm finishing up anyway," I said, and put the phone down while getting up and grabbing my bag with everything inside. Guess she didn't notice the jeans underneath the labcoat with the timberland boots I had on....

I take everything, labcoat on, bag in hand, stroll out of the office and into the elevator making my way downstairs only to nod at the doorman telling him "have a nice weekend."

"You too Doc."

Yeah, not a bad random score. A trip to Barnes & Noble to purchase the Tarascon Pharmacoepia, along with the help of a couple of P.A. friends.... definitely not a bad score. Guess that wasn't a mild crime really if you added up all the individual crimes involved.

>>728477617
fuck you

>>728485967
that happened

>>728495315
only crime was that horrible fucking story
if your going to lie at least add something we can jerk to

went to an abandoned, trashed, hotel with a few close friends. our main objective was stealing boxes of gamecube controllers that we saw when we scoped the place out to sell. but they weren't gamecube controllers. they belonged to a knock off sort of console. we also used to steal motorcycles and sell the parts on ebay.

>>728495315
I enjoyed your writing style.
They should have locked their shit up, except for that iPad i guess.

Did you use the prescription pads to get anything?

Worked at a grocery store when I was a teenager, stole upwards to 400 bucks worth of liquor and other stuff.

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>>728468077
test
ignore

i really want to try to lure pedos and then meetup with them and demand money. if they don't have cash, we'll go to an atm. when the pedo parks, i'll put nails behind the tires and approach the pedo with the deal. give me some cash, 20 bucks whatever, or you'll be buying a new set of tires faggot

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>>728496233
The results are in, it's confirmed that you are a homosexual!

>>728472113
laughed for a solid minute at this. don't know why

>>728496282
easy there batman not all pedos are skinny lil faggots one day your gonna bait the wrong horned up dude and hes gonna use you like a pocket pussy

>>728493321
>entire mask collections
as a mask collector this triggered me

>>728482468
Um yeah who this?

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>>728496822
It's Chris you faggot

>>728496233
>>728496566
check'd

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>>728478654
>worked odd jobs for some of the people in the area

If you're still here, can you elaborate on that, anon?

> be me
>Sell acid, mushrooms, coke, Molly, weed/hash for 10 years
>Don't get caught
>Retire and live comfortably with my son for years

>>728497291
odd jobs you know,
blow jobs, rim jobs, footjobs

That's the only type of work "profession" for someone who abandoned a stable career moved into the deep woods with only stupid hillbillies around.

>>728469370
Underrated

>>728494156
Yeah that's what I was wondering

>>728497710
>tfw you have to give footjobs with your dirty blistered, tough-skinned caveman feet to inbred rednecks and rim their filthy reeking asses for food

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>>728468077
>minor crimes
>counterfeiting currency

FBI monitoring this thread obv

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>>728474954
>implying a nigger has any concept of what a tax even is, let alone avoid paying it.

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>>728468077
Stuck a poopie in my peepee poopoo poop a doop

>>728471633
cage got dubs, national treasure cartoon confirmed.

>>728468077
I robbed a fast food joint and murdered my Co conspirators with hot shot Heroin doses.

>>728477617

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>>728496233
>ignoring dubs
Nigga you must be new here

>>728468749
do it twice dummy

>>728486809
lmao calm the fuck down bud

>>728497291
ignore this faggot>>728497710
I cut firewood, stacked hay,did handyman shit.