Post the most autistic thing you've ever done >Be me

Fake, no one is legitimately this autistic.

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>>728274735
This is /b/ anything is possible. :-D

Oh shit i did something similar but not as autistic as you OP.

>Be at college party
>drank too much and needed to lay down
>find quite room
>sleep
>wake up two hours later
>drunk girl asleep on bed next to mine
>party still going on downstairs
>sniff drunk slags hair
>precede to masturbate
>making noise as I'm about to cum
>don't realize there are other people asleep in the same room
>someone turns light on
>I am revealed to the whole room with pants around my ankles, courched over sleepy drunk firl
>its too late for me to stop
>try to catch the jizz in my hand to stop it from landing on drunk girl
>guys want to twat me to death
>use the jizz on my hands to ward away potential punches
>pull up pants and run all the way home
>quit college

I cringe so much remembering this story that I now have to change my shirt because I sweated too much typing it

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>>728275864
>use the jizz on my hand to ward away potential punches

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>>728274073
>MFW Indians arrange marriages because they can't get any on their own

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I have a story

>be me, 15, virgin
>gf calls me over
>watch movie, bla, bla end up making out on couch
>she is touching me all over my body
>my brain gets scrambled, thinking about losing my virginity
>try to take her bra off
>can't do it because brain stated to drift off
>"you haven't unhooked lots of bra's, have you Anon"?
>"Just your mom's"
>wtfdidIjustsay.jpg
>tells me to leave
>explain to her that I didn't mean it
>nope.avi
>breaks up with me next day
>still virgin, hate my life

Why do I say these things? At least I'm not a sexual predator like OP.

Give me a B!

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Normally I would never post this but OP set the bar so low I don't think I can surpass that amount of autism

>11th grade
>gym class
>no friends, never talk to anyone
>this dude starts making fun of me
>goes back and forth for weeks
>finally, says something like "go fuck your mother"
>surrounded by the rest of the class
>i reply
>"I did that"
>what the fuck
>I meant to say something like I fucked yours
> but instead it came out "I did that"
>class bursts into laughter
>I want to die

when i was in kintdergarten there was a nigress midget that i happened to tolerate( unlike the masses ) some could even call me the autist queen, Ruler of the Autists ( I collected all the rejects and played with the cast outs- I- myself, as you can tell by this posting matter, where was I? Anyway ) since she was black I had it in my mind that
>I should ask her if I could lick her to see if she tasted like chocolate
>recess
>her and i
>I go for it, she shrieks and runs to tell the teacher
>She didn't taste like chocolate :-/

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>Be me in 9th grade
>super beta
>sees a qt3.14 and turn to my buddy "who dat"
>Thats (we'll call her C) I dated her once
>You still have her number? "Yeah man"
>Get her number and text C through this anonymous texting app basically telling her how much I like her and I can't tell her my name
>ended up giving my real number and we text for a bit
>she obviously isnt interested and is being friendly, but me being the autistic fag I am, keep running with it.
>couple of hugs and shit but looking back I can tell she was uncomfortable
>ask to hang out sometime and shes like sure I guess
>ends up blowing me off 5 or 6 times with stupid excuses.
>Tell people about my upcoming "date"
>she comes to me and says "why the fuck are you telling people we are going on a date"
>Faq.png
>Im not. I dunno what you're talking about
>never talk again

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>be me
>be in first grade
>taking test
>teacher tells us if we can't do a problem, put a smile face
>middle of test
>look up at teacher
>smile as hard as I can
>hold smile for a solid 2 mins
>mfw placed into special Ed next week

>>728278919
Get your own story faggot

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>>728274073
Christ even Elyot Rodgers wasn't as thirsty as you

Oh fuck here we go.
>be me
>grade 3
>Curious little me asked if girls had penises
>"no anon, they dont"
>"What do they look like?" Muttered my dumb ass.
>sister jokingly interrupts saying "ask one of the girls at your school"
>next day
>go to school, eat lunch, blah blah blah
>at reccess
>see a girl
>litteraly fucking ask her if I can see her vag
>she has a look of disbelief
>tells the teacher
>teacher got fucking pissed at me


It fuckin hurts to think about this.

>>728276789

you haven't unhooked lots of bra's, have you Anon

>just your mom's

I kek'd

This explains my grades autistic level
>> be in 7th grade
>> Not a ton of friends but whatever. They are all fags anyway
>> Stop talking to most of my classmates
>> One day everyone starts being nice and cool to me so I'm like okay.png these douches aren't so bad.
>> Girl starts talking to me(8/10) we become friends and I start to like her because of her constant flirting


>> Fast forward a 6 months

>> She stops talking to me and I'm like wtf.jpeg Turns out her friends said I was stalking her(I wasn't) then she goes the next 5 years and doesn't say a word to me. Broke my fucking heart.

>> Turns out the whole grade was nice to me because they thought I was going to kill myself.

>> Fuck everyone

Still hate my fucking graduating class. Plus I made sure to make situations as awkward as fuck with this bitch. Joined group projects and made sure to fuck up her portion because I was always the guy who had to finish projects.

>>728276263
Yeah, kek.

>>728279288

>>> Turns out the whole grade was nice to me because they thought I was going to kill myself.

At least they cared enough to be nice to you. They could have just told you to kill yourself.

>>728279929
>>728279929
Fuck I think that would be better. I never have had intentions to kill myself.

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>be 14
>camping with aunt and uncle
>aunt has huge tits
>night comes
>aunt is sleeping close to me cause in tent
>think of her tits
>teenagehormonesactivate.exe
>unzip her sleeping bad quietly
>sneak hand into sleeping bag
>hands shakey as fuck
>cop a feel on aunts tits
>jerk off while squeezing her tits
>cum hard
>next day
>aunt says to me "oh anon did you get a good sleep last night"?
Me: Yes
>Aunt: "I was up all night"
mfw

>>728280302
Holy fuck. Did you nut on her

>>728274073
i flagged down a car once then just punched out the driver once
is that autistic or?

>>728280387
If he did he still got more pussy then OP and didn't have to assault a bitch

>be me
>show off in high school
>any crazy stunt and I'm the one to do it
>highlight was playing chicken with a train
>back to autism
>at party
>drinking and having a blast
>hey anon how down are you?
>down af
>suck off Jarret if you're so down
>proceed to suck the shit out of Jarret's dick
>next week are the school video is circulating
>I become the black death and no one wants to be around me
>went from school bad ass to school faggot in one weekend
>drop out due to humiliation
>currently manager at local kfc

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> be in 10th grade used to be a shy motherfucker
>other autist set off fire alarm and everyone is sent outside
>cold as fuck out side so I'm shaking
>qt3.14 comes up to me
> "hey anon you seem chilly"
> engage autistic mode
>engage autistic screeching
>ment to say "hey"
>comes out as "i FUCKNG hATE girls"
>thefuck.jpeg
>tells the whole fucking school
>mfw get homo-gay ass scholarship

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>>728275864
that

just made me feel 100% better. thanks anon

>>728280605
fucking kill yourself

>>728275864
KEK

>>728275007
Is this the same kid? Lol
https://youtu.be/cyXfkXGkRH4

>>728279032
That probably comes down to the fact that Elyot Rodgers was half ricenigger whereas OP is half poo

We need a designated holocausting street

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>>728280892
Holy shit you may be right!

>>728280692
>>Be in college.
>> Have a roommate with a shared room
>> Have gf come over(we slept in a twin sized bed and I'm 6'6 330lbs so it's a tight fucking fit)
>> Can't sleep
>> Wake gf up and say hey let's fuck
>> proceeds to fuck gf and I nut.
>> Roommate says his heart has been hurting all night
>> Take him to ER fucker almost died
>> Said he was awake thru the whole thing.

I was a thirsty fucker but i never went farther than sending cringyass messages to girls
it was more of a self-hate thing anyway

>>728274073
POO

>>728281138
I cringe to the thought of the chicks I tried fooking. Made out with one drunk chick and sucked her titties. Her scary ass mother ducking hulk boyfriend knocked on my door the next day.....I blocked her and all her friends and proceeded to not leave my apartment for a week.

>>728281359
>Her scary ass mother ducking hulk boyfriend knocked on my door the next day
yeah fuck that, idgaf what i did if anyone comes for me they're dying

I got caught using a paper towel tube as a makeshift fleshlight by my friend's mom in their kitchen when I was 14

>>728274073
Not really autistic but still haunts me sometimes

>Be me
>Middle School
>Sell PSP to kid at school
>"OH SHIT FUCK I LEFT ALL MY PORN ON IT"
>Hundreds of images from Ecchi board
>Few dozen MP4 videos I saved off of Porn hub
>Next day get endless shit because he showed everyone on his bus what I had

I mean it wasn't anything too outrageous lots of it was Vintage Porn vids from 80's/90's

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>be sophomore in HS
>be in Bio class with a lot of cute girls
The girls aren't really important, but it illustrates how much more detrimental spaghetti fit had on me long term.. Anyway
>looking around the classroom between bells
>class starts filling up
>teacher blabs about some non important shit
>continue to space the fuck out
>hear her ask "any questions" to the subject at hand
>hear this just as I see a box labeled 'Incubator'
>get a jolt of excitement as I've tended chicken coops before and can get a mess of eggs
>also in that second thinking long term:
>maybe if its a lab, I get paired up with a qt and can cruise control the lab since I know what to do, giving me a chance to charm her and get the ins.
^ After typing that, I really do see just how aspie this whole idea was in my head.
>raise hand like I knew the location of Jimmy Hoffa or something
>teacher calls on me
>class turns
>like 10 girls look at me
>panic
>ask (and I quote):
"When do we get to..... make..... babies?"
>entire class wuts.webm
>kid sitting next to me pushes all my books off the table
>a bunch of girls laugh but a few look at me like I just decapitated a puppy, then fucked the neck hole
>teacher loses it laughing and has to leave into the private lab to laugh at my dumbfuck question
>pick shit up and kinda just keep spacing out

Told my ex best friends girlfriend to text me every morning to wake me up in college. Every time I got drunk I'd try to hit her up.

He proceeded to become a faggot cutter and last time I saw him I made fun of it the whole time. Last words to him were "I hate to cut things short but I've got a slice of pizza waiting for me." He hasn't talked to me in 3 years.

>>728274073
Alpha as fuck.

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>be me
>18 with gf of 2 years
>keep DSi in bedside table because I play it once every 4 months when I can't sleep.
>unbeknownst to me gf finds DSi and takes nudes on it.
>break up with her 2 years later and forget about DSi
>find DSi last month and discover nudes...
Should I post?
MFW

>>728280599
it's still sexual assault to molest a sleeping person tard

>>728281627
lol i did and said stupid shit like that all the time in school and most of the time people loved it
I was so fuckign bored i just stopped giving a fuck what anyone thought

>>728282245
Post away!

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>be in grade 6
>middle of a test
>friend with anger issues is frustrated at the test
>space out watching him break pencils and yell at the test
>forget we're taking a test
>he says "this question makes no fucking sense!"
>i blurt out the answer like a retard
>teacher yells my name and the whole class looks at me
I felt like a idiot for a solid week. The teacher had nice tits though.

Fuck it.
>> be 8th grade
>> Sneak into lunchroom kitchen
>> immediately have to piss
>> See coffee cup
>> Janitors coming oh shit.gif
>> Piss in cup and dump the piss in the trash

>> Next day I see cook drinking out of piss up
>> "Hey cook coffee tastes like piss today doesn't it!"

wtfdidIjustsay

>> Cook says back to me "yeah it always does."

>>728282361

I did around senior year when I was a little more comfortable with myself and realized I wasn't gonna see half the fuckers there again.

It got me into a bunch of trouble sometimes, but it was totally better than being awkward about saying stupid shit. It happens, just own the mistake and roll with it.

>>728275864
oh god, I would do the same and would probably kill myself later

>>728282560
lmao

>>728276789
ahahah that was quality xD

>>728280302
Did she enjoy it?

>>728282245
Post or you will be struck first in WW3

>>728282245
Do it

>>728282983
I think he's dead now.

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>Algebra class
>Teacher gives an example of some equations
>Lectures us for more than half an hour
>Doing problems while he's lecturing
>Understanding what to do and getting the problems correct
>Become confident
>Hands us a paper worth a few grades
>Autismo mode
>I start shaking and shivering and I'm full on braindead
>Look around
>People are staring at me and some ask if I'm ok
>I fucking forget how to do the problems as soon I get the paper
>Struggling to even do one question
>Teacher tells me what's wrong
>Don't respond and get up to turn in the paper
>He tells me that I haven't done one question and asks me why
>Said I forgot
>Everyone starts laughing
>Wind up getting terrible grades in that class
>I can't even remember something I just did 10 minutes ago
>Almost flunk because of retardation

JUST

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>>728282422
Dubs vult!

>>728283174
Those are the stupidest tattoos ever. Wouldn't even attempt banging. Plus what slut knows how to use a psp

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>>728280685
>ment to say "hey"
>comes out as "i FUCKNG hATE girls"
How would it ever come out like that?

>>728280248
people trying to be nice to you to make you feel better is a good thing, unless you're autistic

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>>728281587
Kek, was there anything really fucked up on there.?

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>>728277985
youre either 12 or mentally AND socially retarded

I think can't of anything but I'm sure I did a lot of autistic bullshit
I repressed my memories too well

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>>728276789

>>728283404
Til all the cock suckers pretend you don't exist 2 weeks later.

>>728282926
>>728279278

SUMMERS HERE

>19, first year of college.
>Getting ready one morning, roommates ready first so they go to warm up the car.
>A minute later I go out to see their car coming out of the parking garage.
>I stand in their path but they stop 100 feet away. Throw my hands up like WTF.
>Run around to the passenger to get in the door.
>Door is locked, they speed off.
>Chase them out of the parking lot swearing them straight into hell.
>Was the wrong car.
To this day I still do not know who chased down the road that day.

>>728283174
Chubby and pale. thispleasesme.jpg

>>728283746
OMG I KEKED SO HARD

>Be me, 14 yo.
>A girl, friend of a female friend who I barely knew died.
>I was surprised, and wanted to remember that.
>I wrote her name and the date of her death under a shelf in my room that is over my bed.
>Months later, this friend came to home with her sister.
>Checked casually under the shelf and see the name of her death friend and the date. She knew that was my shelf.
>She told that to her sister, confused as fuck.
>Uncomfortable silence.
>I continued interacting, chill as fuck.

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>>728283883
It pleased me at the time too tbh fam.

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>Be me young autismo
>Girlfriend insults me jokingly
Autismpowersactivate.jpeg
>Screams "you're a joke"
>Whole class hears me
>Ripperoni

>>728283967
Huh?

>>728281520
IP printed

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>me be
>probably from 3rd grade to 5th?>start being a hornpot sperg most of the time
>develope love for asses
>whenever I went to a friend's house would usually play truth or dare
>during truth or dare would somehow try to incept the idea to get my friends to sit on my face with their naked asses
Now be aware all my friends were male and I am straight, but I had my really tard moments
>somehow always achieve ass in face
>mostly because it was a good punishment so getting dared to touch their butt to your face shouldn't be hard
>at some point realize what I'm doing is not playing truth or dare
>always feel guilty especially with younger friends
>almost kissed one of my best friends butt cheeks
>could've sworn that friend knew something was wrong too
>don't play at that friend's house anymore
>friend moves away
I hope he doesn't tell anyone about that shit and as for the younger ones I hope they just don't remember

>Be me
>Second year of college
>Standing in line at coffee shop at campus
>cute girl behind me loudly says "hey sexy!"
>assume she's talking to someone else
>her friend approaches me and says "hey she thinks you're really cute"
>only reply was "oh"
>didn't sleep the night before
>hungry af
>halfway through my sandwich before I realized wtf I just did.

>>728275864
Lmao. That's not bad. I'd do that shit

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>>728277985
kindergarten lol
>I put a rock in my ear in kindergarten
>I told my mom
>she didn't believe me at first
>could feel rattling in my head when I shook my head for three days
>finally we went to the doctor
>doctor says to my mom we have to do surgery and it'll leave your son deaf in that ear
>mom's like why don't you just flush it out with water?
>doctor's like great idea!
>they do it, rock comes out
>i get a hearing test
>all good
mfw stupid doctors almost fucking deafed me

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>>728283458
lots and lots of lolis and traps

>>728274073
>In a private school because there is no way I would survive around normies
This made me kek.

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>>728276789
made me lol

>Be 18
>Highschool grad
>Cruising around the countryside with bros
>Looking for shit to do
>Say something dumb
>Get roasted
>Try to say "I'll fuck you up"
>Try to say "Suck my dick, faggot"
>"I'll suck your dick, faggot!"
>Wut.avi

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>>728277985
haha women aren't funny

>>728276789
That's great. She was obviously retarded so you dodged a bullet

>>728284134
free speech motherfucker
Im going to burn down a house tmrw!

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>Be 15
>Teacher pick people to read the text book
>Chooses this girl who I was friends with instead of me
>Loudly scream "You Whore"
>She walks out of class crying
>Teacher says I need to apologize
> Later I apologized to her and she accepts, she thought someone else called her a whore
>After that her cousin who was in that class with us threatened to kill me
I know she accepted my apology but when I called her a whore in front of the class everyone thought I was a cunt.

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>>728283598
faggot must be embarrassed

>>728283967
Why did you want to remember?

>>728284445
Lolwut the fuck is IP printed

>>728284692
idfk what am i wikileaks?

>be me, 8th grade
>se two of my classmates talking during a football game
>get close, nothing much was happening
>one of the spreads her legs
>see vag
>talking about shaving (lol I don't care)
>they notice me
>give me weird look, say nothing
>everyone walks away
>nothing is said

I still see her from time to time and she acts like she doesn't know me.

>>728280599
Trump detected

>>728284409
In my circles that would've passed as a normal insult. We're all fucking weirdos here in Northern-Europe.

I'll share mine
>be me about 12
>hangin out at godmoms house with bro and her son
>im wandering around while they play n64
>get the boner
>it is time
>go downstairs and go into godmoms room
>everyone else is upstairs
>common knowledge godmon is a nympho, huge tits, etc
>assume she has some kinky shit in her room
>look through drawers, find underwear, bra
>discover a book on sex positions
>this will have to do
>commence fap
>flip a few pages
>get idea
>take clothes off and put on godmoms bra and panties
>for some reason this makes mu dick diamonds
>continue to fap
>i can feel myself about to cum
>so close
>think of the dare song by gorillaz
>its comin up its comin up its comin up its dare
>right as i start to cum the door flies open
>godmom is standing in doorway
>watches me cum on the floor, wearing her bra and panties, while im staring at her, frozen
>awkward couple of seconds
>felt like ages went by
>she says nothing, turns around and closes the door
>im still frozen
>clean myself up, clean up floor spooge
>go back upstairs and join in on n64
>to my knowledge, godmom has never spoken a word of this to anyone, never brought it up to me
>feel awkward as fuck forever

>>728284931
To be fair, it wasn't that autistic as I say it regularly now.

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>>728274073
>>728274073
>Me
>Parents are conservative christian
>Growing boy, but deprived of any means to release my sexual desires, ie no porn
>For some reason, I really liked the girl from the 'Lego agents' sets
>Also had a penchant for vore
>Decided to eat the Lego girl
>Couldn't just eat the thing whole, or I'd choke
>Broke it into individual pieces
DownTheHatch.mp3
>Began swallowing each piece one at a time while jerking myself
>Feels good man
>Finish gerkin' my jerkin about half way through my meal
>My brother would suspect what I'd done, so I Spergaciously swallowed the rest, almost dying in the process
Cont. ?

>>728285233
Every time someone bigger than me wants to fight I just say "drop your pants mother fucker I'll jerk you off right now with both hands!!" If that doesn't work I'll just say they hate gays (I'm straight)

>>728280302
Fake and samefag
>>728280387
>>728282983

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>>728280685
>homo-gay ass scholarship

>>728285279
LUL CONT

>>728285416
I can confirm. I was not the OP of that post. I was just a subcomment.

>>728284421
Anybody who makes mom jokes at that stage in life doesn't deserve to lose their virginity

>>728274073
>14
>late at night and horny as fuck
>no lotion and hated fapping raw
>desperate
>spot vaseline on drawer
>thisseemsgoodenough
>start fapping with fucking vaseline
>stop after 2 seconds
>THiS FUCKING BURNS
>take as much as i could off
>doesnt help
>burns for 2 hours straight
>end up going to sleep at around 3 am with no ejaculation

this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsNwplvidPk

>>728285687
wtf kind of vaseline are you using?

>>728285687
I think you probably used Vicks vapo rub you mentalist

>>728285687
wut? vaseline works pretty well with me, doesnt burn at all

>>728286059
Lol ye, dunno why i said vaseline

>>728281587
Pornhub and in middle school eh... pornhub hasn't been around long enough for that to be real and for you to be older thnan 14 faggot

>>728285921
>>728286067
Srry, meant vapor rub

>Be me
>7 or 8
>11 year old brother who thinks he's a badass tells me about porn
>Still at that point where I'm not interested in girls yet
>Get curious
>Wonder if they made porn for kids
>Literally google "Child Porn"

>>728286445
its okay anon, this is an autism thread

>>728283598
How did you find that?

>>728277985
If she was really made out of chocolate, I bet it would of been Reese's

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>be me
>5 years old
>we had cinnimax after dark and shotime porn
>had a chub fetish at the time
>fapped when I was 5 to this shit
>even used my vcr we had to record it
>sold this shit to me friends in 3rd grade
>I got in trouble

This story is actually true. which is the sad part.

I'll bite I guess, not the worse but here goes.
>be 9 year old me
>at some girl's birthday party from school
>everything is fine until it was time to leave
>they were giving away boy and girl party favors in bags
>all of the boy bags ran out when I finally got up there
>girl's dad looks at me and says, "sorry man, maybe you can give one of these to your sister or something."
>recently learned the phrase tomboy
>autistic brain thinks tomgirl is a thing
>say to man, "No it's fine, I'm a tomgirl."
>mfw this guy thinks about what a faggot this kid at his daughter's birthday party is.

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>>728286623
happened to me too ha

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>>728287009

>>728280248
get out normie

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>>728285279
>Next day
>At school
>Get sharp pain in my gut
>Basically stand up in front if the lesson, announce I'm going to the restroom, and bolt for the door
>Plop my ass down on the toilet seat
>RumblyInMyTumbly.Mp3
>Squeezing out as hard as I could, but nothing happening
>All of the tiny Lego pieces formed together and we're blocking my rectum
>I was gonna start bleeding if I didn't so something soon
>Reach my hand down and begin poking the shit
>Legos give way to a flurry of shit
>My teacher was taking my class in a bathroom break so that she could also check on me, two birds with one stone
>My class could hear the shitfurno from within the dungeon
>It had gotten all over my hand and lower arm, and quite a bit had splurted out and gotten into and on my pants
>OhShit.jpg
>The members of the ghetto which was the back of the class were intrigued and decided to investigate (we had long classrooms, so the back was far enough back, that the teacher couldn't hear you whisper)
>They peak inside the door slat of the stall and see me more or less covered in shit
>I'm trying to scoop shit water onto my hand to wash off the shit
>They all called me 'poop scooper'
>To this day, I shit by fingering my as
>I have grown way to weak in my sphincters to push out logs, so this is my only method

>>728281627
Remedy: act like a complete ass and they won't take your questions to heart.

>>728281805
Shithead.

>>728287257
5/10

>>728287599
savage

>>728283329
Dude can you shut the fuck up? They are free nudes, enjoy them!

Not most autistic but p close. Posted on /r9k/.
>be me
>have trouble shitting for past few nights
>mostly constipation
>fast forward
>last night
>eat at all-you-can eat buffet
>appetizer, two plates of main course, and desert
>fast forward
>tonight
>about an hour ago
>go to take shower
>finish washing body
>about to wash hair
>suddenly feel the urge to shit
>Immediately just let go of my bowels
>I can tell its a big one
>I keep shitting
>finished shitting
>see giant dino-turd behind my feet
>use shower jet to wash off my ass and back of legs
>look at tremendous poo
>realize I need to get it down the drain somehow
>doesn't occur to me to try carrying it to the toilet next to shower
>all I know is that I need to break it up into smaller chunks
>shower jet the crap crisis
>shit water flows out from the dung pile
>little chunks break off
>repugnant smell continues to shift between dinner's flavors from last night
>every now and again, jet the hole to keep shit out of the way
>continue process for a while
>realize that the water level is rising
>crud is blocking the pipe
>try using plunger on drainage
>it's ineffective
>step out of shower before shit water catches up to my feet
>turn off water
>dry upper body off
>move shower curtain away
>it ends up over my garbage bin, filled with used toilet paper
>don't care
>dump a bunch of Comet(tm) with Bleach onto the shower floor, shit water, and chunks
>wait for water to drain a bit
>then begins the slow process of getting a little bit in the hole at a time
>using shower jet of course

>>728287765
>while waiting for water to drain, scoop out shit with my bare hands
>shit water begins to bleach and smell mildly pleasant
>thank you modern chemistry
>try plunger again
>100% right on the money over the drain
>plunger skill check
>success
>drain can now drain the rest of the crap
>clean out the designated shitting shower of remaining fecal matter
>wash hands
>put shower curtain back into place
>finally dry off lower body
>30 minutes has passed
>"boy, do I have a story to tell /r9k/"
>get ready to post
>something crawled out of hell
>realize that I need to wipe my ass again
>spend 10 minutes wiping ass
>realize I didn't wash my hair
>perhaps another time
>I'm done showering for tonight

Best part is that this isn't the first time I shat in the shower.

>>728283329
Its a DSi, anyone with half a brain cell can use it. The camera app is literally the first thing you see when you turn it on

>>728277703
AHAHAHAAHHAA this is unimaginably terrible OP how could you blow this

>>728287765
>>728287826
Very autistic. Well done.

>>728278919
nice repost faggot

>>728287958
Best part 2 electric bongaloo is that I'm 27 with a college degree.

i've posted this before buttfuck it

>be me
>primary school, maybe year 2
>used to get sausages and chips for lunch every friday, shit was cash
>walking back to class from after lunch assembly in single file, start to taste sausage and chips in my burps
>knew that shit was coming back up
>i just start vomiting in line as i'm walking back to class, don't break my stride
in my head i thought that no-one in front of me would know that someone was vomiting, and everyone behind me wouldn't know who it was (it could have been anyone up the front, right?)
>get back to class
>teacher asks if i need to go to the sick bay
>'no, why would i?'
>parents get called
>finish school early that day

>>728280583
no, you didnt

>>728280605
what the fuck

>>728282361
>I was so fuckign bored i just stopped giving a fuck what anyone thought
>being this much of a tween

>>728288550
this was like grade 11-12

To be honest far to man yof you aren't autistsor stuff. You are plain and simple dimwits. Nothing more or less. And to say something Special about that. That takes balls as well.

>>728286436
Pornhub launched 10 years ago

>>728286436
You faggot yes it has.I'm 23 and I can confirm anons story by saying I used my PSP for almost nothing but porn in middle school. Mom would never think to check there

>>728287257
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD TO DO THAT.

>>728274073
i have autism story when i was in kindergarten
>be me
>playing on the swing set
>see group of kids huddled around someone
>what.avi
>walk to group out of curiosity
>take a better look
>all of them guys standing around a girl who is taking a shit
>Whatthefuck.png
>this girl is like 5 and taking a shit in the middle of the whole school
>see teachers come my direction fee the scene
>later
>in class doing shit for kinder i guess
>see duty 8
>has some something in a bag
>take a better look
>dont know exactly what it is
>kinda resembles a thick cookie?
>duty8 having a conversation with my teacher
>go up to the duty8 still thinking what ever is in that bag is a cookie ask
>hey can i have that cookie please
>never understand what i just said
dont remember to much of what happen afterwards but i still cringe about it today

>>728289691
did you eat the cookie
kek

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>>728274073

>>728274073
this just happen to me today
>be me
>in Spanish class fuck Spanish
>sitting there
>teacher tells me to get started on todays assignment
>ask her where it is
>behind you anon
>wut
>actually dont know here it is
>about 10 minutes go but of me asking exactly where the fuck it is
>kids in my class are starting to get frustrated and they point it out for me
>ohh.mp4
>Exclaim loudly,"be patient with me i have autism"
>whole class erupts in laughter
>realize what i just said
>teacher asked you have what?
>dont say anything and do my work
god im fucking retarded

>>728282541
AuTsiM OBERloda

I also have a constipation related story
>be me
>not pooped in days
>constant need to poo
>can feel solid mass inside
>everytime I try it's just stuck fast in there
>start to get scared
>uncomfortable to sit
>one evening about three days in
>its time
>determined to squeeze thus fucker out if it kills me
>strain on the toilet for a good hour
>tennis ball sized turd gets stuck half way
>panic
>sphincter close to tearing
>attempt to dig the fucker out
>just get shit on my fingers and toilet paper stuck in my ass
>in desperation decide to try lube
>waddle painfully back to my bedroom, praying no one comes home
>fumble around in draw, all I have is minty tingle
>will have to do
>procede with awkward return journey, this time with lube in hand
>insert lubed up finger in to anus, rubbing as much as I can manage around the compacted mass
>by this point close to tears
>anus burning like the fires of hell
>one more big push
>nearly splits me in two, but out flies something roughly the size and shape of a rugby ball, followed by days worth of backed up shit
>sit dazed, breathing heavily for a while
>clean self up
>lie down tenderly in bed, reflect on what just happened
>vow to always eat my vegetables

Include me in the cap, if there's gonna be one

>>728291686
Forgot to link like an autist
>>728287826

>>728283999
nice trips, keep going

>>728274073
>Post the most autistic thing you've ever done
Being in this website.

>>728286623
>>Be me
>>7 or 8
>>11 year old brother who thinks he's a badass tells me about porn
>>Still at that point where I'm not interested in girls yet
>>Get curious
>>Wonder if they made porn for kids
>>Literally google "Child Porn"why 5 mins later -why is the fbi at our house?

>>728275864
I don't believe you.
But I want to. kek

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>>728293733
Wat

>>728276789
>Just your mom's
lmao oh my lawd I love you anon

>>728277703
you ARE autistic that's the problem!
you used a Freudian reflex when you should have used an uppercut followed by a salty comeuppance!

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>>728293455
And I'm on tonight you know my dubs don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection

>>728283999
Fuck your trips, nigger lover.

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>>728275864
This is old copypasta... Don't lie

>>728276322
Its more of a merger of families and keeps your daughter from fucking Jamal Tyrone and RayRay

>>728279929
>at least they cared enough to be nice to you
who the fuck wants a bunch of fake kindness from people who don't really like you and you don't really like anyway?
>>728280248
this
>>728283404
Naive utopianist
>>728283659
this

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>ex wants to prostate massage me with handjob
>ok
>end up farting in her face

>>728281805
fuck the hell out of you chad wannabe

>be 11 years old
>just watched borat with my big brother and his friend
>find that shit hilarious, especially the prostitution bits
>go into school the next day and act like borat, only a few friends get the reference
>decide to chirps some birds with the borat accent
>"i would like very much to have sex with you. Haow mahtch? "
>THE DISGUST ON THEIR FACES
>get embarrassed and drop the act
>walk away with my friends dying of laughter in the background
>parents called in to talk to teachers about the incident

Not too autistic, but it's stuck with me for 8 years

>>728294244
Fuck this is starting to turn into a get thread

>>728295555
checked 7zip

>>728282560
don't believe at all.

>>728280765
Nah...suicide isn't necessary. He's found the right place to spend the rest of his life

>>728283746
This is funnier the more I think about it.
Jim Carrey Grade autism, faggot!

>>728283999
Nice trips!
More tits!

>>728281627
That was the most beautiful story I've ever read

>>728284692
it means you r bouts to be mega haxxored sonny.
Prepare your anus for the dossing of a lifetime.

>>728280583
Underage fag. Go to bed.

>>728284864
FUCK YOU JULIAN
thanks for all your hard work, sorry you hide in a cupboard ftmp

>>728287257
>To this day, I shit by fingering my as
Topkek so glad you continued

>>728284263
man this hurts, this was me more than a few times. hard to give a fuck when tired n hungry.

>>728285687
you used bengay gay Ben.

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>>728289434
>mfw I was doing the same thing every since PSP came out until I was 18
>only had like 2 games for it, never liked playing them cuz too lazy to buy hand grip attachment.

>>728276789
lol any girl i've slept with would have laughed her ass off then blew me... she sounds boring anyway

>>728286984
that's not sad. you were a growing entrepreneur and your parents stifled you like brooding Catholics.

>>728287257
fake and gay

>>728284591
autism

>>728289691
what's duty 8 faggot

>Be me
>get dubs
Check'em

>>728287826
I hate reading this kind of shitting adventures. They stress me too much and they disgust me at the same time

>>728295555
HOLY FUCK QUADS DO NOT LIE
IP printed

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>>728297529
the autism is reacting to a shitty anime reaction image hours after it's posted

>>728298014
you're a post faggot.

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>be me in 2nd grade
>this girl likes me, i don't like her.. don't hate her just don't "like her like her"
>class is watching a movie that day, we all sit on floor while watching in the dark room
>hear giggling behind me
>shhh.jpg
>turn around and see the girl who likes me pulling down her pants to flash me
>i can't see shit cause it's so dark but i'm embarassed anyway
>tell friend about it afterwards
>"anon what did it look like"
> "idk... like a line"
>completely guessing
>i say that he can just ask the girl who flashed me to flash him if he's so interested
>mfw he does
>she shows him
>a week later the rest of the class finds out
>suddenly all the girls are flashing the boys
>i've never saw anything the entire "flashing epidemic"
>it all comes to a head when the redneck boy and girl get super bold and start doing it during class in front of the teacher while the boy mimics noises he must have heard in porn
>teacher flips out entirely and puts a stop to it
>makes entire class promise not to tell
>no parents ever found out
>mfw i started a trend of girls flashing their vaginas and i never saw one

>>728285687
Happened to me at the same age but with toothpaste

>>728294621
>Jamal Tyrone and Ray Ray.
Indians smell worse than niggers. I doubt even they can stomach the smell of curry pussy.

>>728287009
>Reese's
Hahaha ok I laughed pretty hard to this. Thanks

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>>728298120
>turn around
quality post

>>728283145
that was a panic attack anon, don't feel bad most people have at least 1 real one in their life

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>>728298793
>don't feel bad

homo

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>Be me in grade 10.
>Way too old for the following
>Be in gymnasium slacking off during PE
>Resident slags come over and one of them asks me out as some kind of obvious "prank"
>I'm kind of sleepy and think "If i tried i could probably cry right now"
>Decide that was a good idea in the spur of the moment
>From their perspective the prank has gone weird they start getting visibly confused
>I think "this is going perfectly" in my autistic wisdom
>They ask my friend what this was about
>He just pauses, looks at the situation again and shrugs
>"He's just gay"
>They laugh and leave
>I try to tell him it was just a joke but he just "sure, sure"'s me and i slowly realise how shitty a joke it was anyway

>>728291686
dude... just take milk of magnesia next time you're blocked up... it's super cheap and works pretty well

>>728295405
how would it stick with you... borat was everywhere, they would have had to learned eventually that you were just a dumbass quoting a bad movie

>>728276789
Total kek