Tard Stories/Autist thread > be me > be 9 > elementary

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>>728129617
Continue

I do but it's shit. barely even a story.

>be me
>year 7
>new school
>class is decent, with childhood friend
>two severe autists
>one is quiet, keeps to himself
>not really that bad, just feel sorry for the guy really
>other one
>the fucking other one
>loud
>obnoxious
>very "involved"
>had this stupid fucking bowl cut
>geography
>teacher is a cunt, takes a personal dislike to me
>back then I was a clever kid, not the dull midway of mediocrity I am now
>groupwork
>puts me with him every. single. time.
>definitely doing it deliberately
>tard is the most irritating faggot imaginable
>bossy
>overly dramatic
>flamboyant
>always tries to take charge

worst part was that all his "confidence" was praised and encouraged by his handlers
the only funny thing I remember happening (I only stayed at that school for a year, moved to a grammar school the next year) was during PE he would literally frolic across the field.
>PE
>playing rounders
>faggot is just standing there doing nothing
>not even paying attention
>someone hits it quite high
>ball drops neatly onto his shoulder
>he fucking loses it
>screaming and crying like someone just murdered his favourite crayon and cut his leg off
>tard guard consoles the snivelling lump him for the rest of the hour

he was just an insufferable cunt. probably wasn't even his fault, but fuck, everyone hated him

>>728131035
Sorry I took a nap, I'll continue that story just stick around.

>>728129617
>be me when younger
>at a party, pretty drunk
>talking to girl i crush on
>excuse myself for piss
>want to get back to girl so instead of shaking just tuck my dick up in my waistband of underwear
>go back to girl, talking for a minute
>she looks down at crotch 'jesus christ anon, put your dick away'
>look down
>my entire foreskin is bunched up sticking out the top of my pants
>i have a little dick

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>be me
>6th grade
>tard named andrew, hilbilly
>"heuueh i smoke weed in my daddys trailer" says tard all the time.
>tard only listens to Avenged Sevenfold
>kid doesn't have dad, only grandfather but still calls him his dad
>one day starts insulting a friend of mine, Nia
>girl minds her own business when we're in art class
>Andrew pulls her hair she screams, starts touching her
>screams about his massive body odor boy pushes her
>she pushes him into art cabinet
>LITERALLY TIPS THE CABINET ON TO HIM
>cries sitting there like a puss-baby
>next day in lunch starts laughing and shrugs off the previous day
>i start talking about it because for some reason this tard sits with me and a few of my other friends
>tard gets angry and punches himself IN THE FUCKING DICK
>laughs about it and tries to forget
>mfw hilbilly got beat up by a grill

>>728132658
that's pretty hilarious, anon

>>728131583
I like the P.E bit, the "Special Care Unit" should've done their jobs better.

op has to bump, shame on me.

bump for tard wrangler stories

>>728134829
bump

OP here, I have one more story but it's not even worth sharing. Unless you want to hear a story about love, lust, and Micheal Jackson.

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>be me freshman year of HS
>3 black kids all clearly retarded
>danced to Micheal Jackson
>One tall, One short, One fat and Short
>grunted like Micheal Jackson and danced as good as possible like him, me and friends called him the TRUE Micheal Jackson a "Reincarnate" of some sort.
>Always were moving their locations
>dad's girlfriend has tard daughters
>the 3 have a crush on her
>they fought over her in front of her
>ohfuckyeatardbrawl.webm
>never fought, had a dance off instead
>mfw
>fat one won of course, the short and the tall one still talked
>had a grudge against fat tard but still hung out with him
>one day my friend alex walks up to short one and says "can i have that fedora for a second?"
>tard gives him fedora
>does a hat trick and says "m'lady"
>alex walks off laughing
>tards still fought over dad's girlfriend's daughter
>fat micheal jackson has retired dancing later in the year and the 2 went without him.

one of the saddest stories i've ever wrote

>9th grade
>English class
>class divided into two sections facing each other
>teacher lectured in the middle of the two sections
>severe autist named Adam in the opposite section as me
>teacher is lecturing
>autist is clearly not paying attention
>starts picking his nose
>he is really digging away
>starts eating it
>catches the attention of myself and a few others
>he keeps picking at it
>just hard as fuck and munching away
>no one is paying any attention to the teacher anymore
>he apparently doesn't notice half the class staring
>he is picking at it so hard it starts bleeding
>omg it is bad
>blood is literally pouring out his nose down his chin
>he starts cupping the blood in his hands
>so much blood accumulates his hands are full
>he doesn't go for a tissue or anything
>he starts slurping the blood up into his mouth and is drinking it
>becomes a huge distraction to the class
>everyone is laughing and/or disgusted
>teacher notices
>screams at him and dismisses him from class to go to the bathroom to clean up
>he sheepishly rushes to the door while blood is dripping everywhere
>wow...

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>be me, 14. freshman year of HS
>have algebra 1 on third period
>whoaretheassholesthatmademyschedule.png
>go in
>eyes lock with the smartest tard at the school
>Tardbert Einstien
>his name is Jamari Richburg, obvious autist please look him up
>hhh-hhhi annnn-on
>did I mention he stutters on almost every fucking syllable
>math class starts
>teacher places me right beside him
>letthegamesbegin.jpeg

Tell me if you want more

>>728140173
more pls

>>728140173
please more

>>728139681
reminds me of a tard that was in my elementary but the story is terrible so i'm not going to tell it picked off her scabs and slurped them up like spaghetti and intentionally cut herself to scab, also ate boogers from her nose and from under desks.

>>728140173
looked him up, he privated his instagram and looks like the image, did I find the right one?

>>728141536
the image is on his google+

>>728140173
yes I did find him, instagram and google+ thanks anon

I'm not sure if this kid actually has a mental problem, but here are a few snippets of him this year

>be me
>senior year hs
>take advanced programming class because I took basic one last year
>in a room of 11, only 4 are in advanced programming, 2 are in some dumb shit class, and the rest are in the beginner programming class
>kid named Dalton, 11th grade, is in the beginner class
>makes desparate attempts to fit in with my friends and i, who just insult each other and spout nonsense all day, it's great
>he tries to get acquainted with the current memes at the time, but falls anywhere from 3-36 months LATE, ALWAYS using dead memes and being annoying and autistic.
>one day we were just chilling and having a great time, probably bringing up memes, and this kid, I shit you not, started singing "hey now, you're a keemstar" for a solid minute and a half
>after he realized no one cared and were all wishing death on him, he gets up, stands next to one side of the group, and starts SINGING THE FIRST VERSE OF WE ARE NUMBER ONE, DANCING ALONG TO IT.
>I couldn't believe my ears I wanted to experience death like nothing else.
>he will also frequently dab, make references to Nicholas cage and harambe, and make awful lorax/we are number one/shooting star video edits all the time.
>fucker even has a youtube channel.

I don't have many stories about this supposed autist, but I can describe him with this video here (which he made.)

https://youtu.be/YQjcbrzZMQU

>be me when I was a teen
>had two good friends, one of them who was into D&D
>the D&D player invites me and our friend to join a campaign he was starting
>he also invites this other guy from their school, I'll call him the autist
>I hate Squeak from the start
>he's the most obnoxious aspie you can imagine
>he constantly interrupted the campaign with stupid, unrelated rants about videos or animations he'd seen online
>his voice drove me crazy, and he never shut up
>I once saw him eat ramen, and he made these horrible gulping and slurping noises while eating the noodles
>one time, he marked up my friend's parents' old wood table by stabbing it with a fork
>another time, he sprayed a soda all over it by opening the cap too fast
>I can't convey how annoying his personality and mannerisms were

>>728142816

cont'd

>Anyway, skip forward a few years later
>I hear he was expelled from their school for kicking a girl with fetal alcohol syndrome in the head (she was apparently obnoxious, but still...)
>he ends up attending a local education center where homeschoolers can take classes of their choice, kinda like college, but for kids of all ages
>I was attending college at this point, but had been to that education center for years before, and was still going there occasionally
>the autist starts going there
>I didn't know this until I found out I had a class with him
>It was a programming class with kids from 10-18, including me
>the autist is crude in front of all of the kids, doesn't know when he's going too far with jokes
>writes okay code, but gets too distracted to do anything useful
>my brother attended there too, he has a story about him
>apparently the autist was tasked with running a snack stand, and had given my brother the wrong kind of cookie (a more expensive kind)
>rather than simply informing my brother of the mix-up, he instead runs up and grabs the cookie out of my brother's hand
>at this point, everyone I knew at that place hated him - even the really nice people
>he eventually leaves, and I attend college full time and never see him again

>>728142653
the kid should honestly die.

>>728142816
>>728142900

cont'd

>fast forward 5 years or so, my friend tells me something that happened to him recently
>he was in an art class when he overheard two girls talking
>one was talking about a guy who she said was really hard to get to stop asking her out - she had to be really blunt with him, because he was getting stalkerish
>then she says, "oh, and by the way, his name was [the autist's unmistakeable name]"
>my friend had to leave the room he was laughing so hard

>>728129617
Very good.

>>728142816
>autist
>Squeak
>aspie

Omfg, kys please

>>728143175

I meant to change that to "the autist". I originally put in a part about his voice cracking a lot and squeaking, but decided to leave that out.

>>728142816
least he isn't one of the faggots who eat raw ramen who "for some reason" get dehydrated from it.

>>728143420

I guess not, but that doesn't make up for how much he drove us crazy

>>728143602
I lived with literal tards for 2 years and I still feel bad.

Can't we have a tard holocaust?

>>728143818

I feel for you. I just played D&D with one once a week for a summer and hated it, I can't imagine two every day for two years.

>>728143955
boy oh boy do I wish.

It's amazing how y'all Sumbitches have any room to judge anyone. Y'all are a bunch of chronic masturbating basement dwellers. Smh

>>728144135
thanks anon, it means a lot.
>>728144175
haha u mom gay bro.

>>728143955
Hopefully you'll be the first exterminated.

>>728144175
shit bait

>>728144257
How long did it take you to come up with that one?

>>728144348
5 seconds

>>728144430
That's shockingly long

Anyone have any more stories to share?

>>728144430
I can tell. That was trash, like where your mother put you when you were born so she could go back to doing meth with her druggie friends.

>>728144492
Longer than you last with your blow up doll girlfriend.

>>728144175

Found the tard

>>728144514
Lol

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>>728144586
gas the tards and niggers. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

You fucking faggots are posting "this person annoyed me" stories and not actual tard stories.

Fuck all of you

>>728145448
you too babe muah. lots of love. where's your contribution?

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>be me
>around about 2nd grade, can't really remember
>get to the school toilet, door is shut
>wtf.gif
>usually always open, I just assumed the janitors or whatever had cleaned it
>go in anyways, expecting nothing
>a kid runs past me, screeching
>jesuschrist.png
>kid slams against the wall, trying to jump up onto the little ledge where the windowsill is
>he has his pants around his ankles, underwear there too
>basically dry-humping the wall, screeching
>walk out, scarred
Mfw

>>728145788
that's honestly amazing.

OP here, had to log in on my phone.

>>728144500
Yeah I got one. Never told this story but here it goes. This autist from my elementary school days was extra special, and I made the mistake of fucking with him this one time.

>fifth grade, maybe
>never been particularly popular but I'm finally starting to get some friends
>I'm also quickly growing and am now one of the taller and stronger boys in my grade
>more importantly, I'm figuring out that while I was never liked too much by the chads, I was liked by some stacy's
>anyways, school dance and I actually managed to dance with a couple stacy's, one even seemed to like me
>fifth grade me is feeling pretty awesome
>I'm a little sweaty and thirsty from dancing so I leave the school gym and go to the water fountain
>this complete fucking autist - let's call him Linus, is running around the school hallways playing with himself
>I don't think Naruto existed yet but he was literally running around like that
>Not sure what came over me but as I was drinking from the water fountain, I stuck out my leg and tripped him
>fucking little shit went flying
>he immediately starts crying and screaming
>I pretend like it was accident and say I'm sorry, clearly not meaning it, and then go into the gym to tell a teacher
>before I have the chance to find a teacher, Linus runs into the gym full speed ahead, literally screeching, and jumps on my back to tackle me
>I'm about double his size so I pretty much immediately wrestle him to the ground, and as I'm holding him down I scream back "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING FREAK"
>he keeps trying to get out from under me to hit me so I hold him there for a good five seconds until a teacher comes over and pulls me off
>I don't remember exactly what happened after that, but after I'd left the dance, I learned that Linus had said I attacked him, and that I was trying to choke him to death. And that he had really bad bruises around his neck.
Continue?

>>728145788
It turned out the yard was pressured by some 6th graders to do it as a game or something
Apparently the aim was to jump as high as you could with your pants down and hold on as long as possible

>be me
>junior year of hs
>had a class and my lunch period with a suspected autist
>autist was very book smart
>was extremely awkward
>I mean extremely awkward
>had no idea how to socialize
>stuttered a lot
>horrible hygiene
>wore same clothes everyday
>greasy hair
>bad acne
>ass crack was always showing
>smelled awful
>was obsessed with a girl in my class
>would always stare at her
>intently
>always sat next to her
>asked her for her number once
>girl gave him her email instead
>autist looked like he was on the verge of committing suicide
>still sat next to her
>drew her creepy pictures
>asked her to solve puzzles with him
>tried to impress her by telling her about how well he could build things with Legos
>once took out something that looked like a wire from his pencil case
>took it apart
>wrapped it around his pencil
>tried to show off his creation to the girl
>wouldn't leave her alone all year
>once during lunch I caught him picking out the empty tin foil from his lunchbox
>starting eating it like a goat

Who here wants to convert tard story thread into a raid? Got 2 yards, a loli lover and a Spanish dude who tries to act Russian

>>728150381
Tard*

>be me
>6th grade I think
>was at a park with my little sister
>was helping her onto a tire swing
>van pulls up in parking lot
>turns out van was from special ed school
>around 6 tards came running out of the van
>saw tire swing
>all started running toward it at once
>making autistic noises
>chaperone/teacher tried to stop them
>too late
>pushed my sister off the tire swing
>sister started crying
>tards crowded onto tire swing

>>728151458
Like niggers in a Zoo

>>728132658
I like it when the poster turns out to be the tard.

More of those, please.

>>728151570
they definitely did sound like monkeys