Hi /b/tards, I am looking for ways to fuck my cat. Well, not

>>727859502
Get a bbc
Big black cat

Cats are shit. Bring it to the shelter and get a dog instead.

Buy or catnap another cat (male), watch them fuck, and fap to it

Alright man, I've been there before and I know exactly how to help you.

I recommend you do this while no one else is around, because you will be judged and called stuff like "cat fucker" and "pussy-cat doll" for a long time.

Wash your hands so you don't give your cat a uti. It's expensive to treat.
Get your cat in front of you, take two fingers and GENTLY rub right below it's butt-hole, your cat should start dancing around a little.
Increase pressure for about 10 seconds and then stop.

Your cat should roll over, look at you, then walk away and sleep for awhile.

it's very important people don't see you or stories will be told about you for years to come, even if it was just a one time thing.

>>727859855

>I recommend you do this while no one else is around, because you will be judged and called stuff like "cat fucker" and "pussy-cat doll" for a long time.

Story time?

>>727859502
Create a kitty vibrator.
Patent it.
Sell fucking millions.
?
Profit

>>727859855
shit, it just ass squirted all over my hand, god FUCKING DAMN IT!

>>727860467
As in shit or a clear liquid?

>>727860467
Cffffhhhahahhasxahaaaahahahahha lost my shit. Just like your cat XD

>>727859502
why don´t you just sterilize it

>>727860514
some brownish clear thiing

>>727860541
i'm a student and poor as fuck, also it's a blue Russian and would like it to have some babies some day

>>727860575
Normal that is blood, keep going if your cat is still making noises.

>>727860750
it did meow like crazy before squirting

>>727860859
good job, almost there.

>>727859502
Just throw it away. Cats are disgusting.

Holy shit this fucking thread.

>>727860235
No. I'm not talking about it.

>>727859855
WHAT.

spill the beans.

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>>727860575
>>727860514
Anal sac exudate, if it smells bad
>>727860331
Electric toothbrushes exist and work wonders
>>727860541
This
>>727860624
Purebred or not, if you're poor you shouldn't have kittens. Pregnancy and birthing can be expensive and potentially require an emergency surgery that you obviously can't afford, figure like 1000-1500 USD

Sourrce: 10 year Vetfag reporting in. AMA.

well, it licked up all the squirt so it's fine now, seems calmer

>>727861785
Ignore this man, he knows literally nothing.

I'm glad your cat is calmer. Told you just to give it a lil rubrub

I wasn't called pussy-cat doll for nothing.

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>>727861785
Oh, I forgot, most regions have low cost spay / castration clinics that can have her neutered (yes, neuter is correct for both male and female) for between 25 and 75 dollars. Just remember to request pain meds and pay the extra 20 bucks for them unless you're an asshole, because they usually only gove them by request to keep prices low.

>>727861876
Ignore the vetfag? Are you retarded?

>>727860235
Related
>A hiker in the hills of Sicily comes across a morose old man looking out over the valley below.
>"Hey old man", asks the hiker, "why the long face?"
>The old man points to a village down in the valley.
>"You see the village? Destroyed in the war it was, and I, Luigi, rebuilt it with my own hands.
>Do they call me 'Luigi the Builder'? No."
>"And look over there, see that bridge? A stronger bridge you will not find in all of Sicily, and I, Luigi, designed it myself.
>Do they call me 'Luigi the Engineer'? No."
>"And I had a business, a profitable business, millions of lira I gave to the poor, nobody who was in need did I turn away.
>Do they call me 'Luigi the Philanthropist'? No."

>"But I fucked just one pig..."

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Seek help. If you actally did what you posted, kill your fucking self. The sake of humanity depends on it.

>>727861941
No. But you're not a vet. You're just trying to get attention and wanting to feed your massive ego.

Listen to the anon with real experience with pussy. Pun intended

>>727861943
I kek'd like never before.

>>727861235
oh come on! You are among friends, and Its all anonymous here! sounds pretty interesting so tell us the story.

>>727862091
Tuskegee graduate, 10 years in practice, but whatever, there's no point in arguing with cat people. Your house probably reeks of ammonia.

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>>727861943

>>727861943
but what do they call Luigi?

>>727862162
I really don't feel like being judged by anyone else, I already suffered enough for doing this.

>>727862540
You'll work it out, anon

>>727859502
Get it spayed your retard.

>>727859548
lol'd

>>727862900
>Get it spayed your retard
neutering your pets is a meme

>>727859502

Have your cat spayed you fucking moron.

Go to /an/, this is /b/ wtf do you expect?

>>727863563
Except that it literally stops them breeding and removes their sex drive.

>>727862689
we'll help you through it

>tell us the story fucker

Alright, alright.

>Be me
>wake up at 3 am because my cat wont shut the fuck up
>Realize it's in heat, get really fucking mad for some reason
>Say you want to fucking cum, I'll make you cum
>Grab cat, walk into living room
>start rubbing the pussy very vigorously
>cat makes noises I've never heard before in my life
>start getting weirdly aroused
>Start talking dirty say things like "Yeah, you like it when I rub the pussy?" or "Here kitty kitty, cum here"
>Sister walks in
>looks at me
>looks at the cat
>I I I JUST WANTED TO MAKE IT SHUT UP
>Walks into the kitchen, gets water, comes back out, looks at me, shakes head and walks into her room
>Maybe she didn't realize what was going on

Next morning, go to school, we don't talk much

within about 48 hours everyone called me Pussy-cat-doll and started shoving cats the musical pamphlets in my locker.

>>727859502
Get her sprayed you cheap fuck.
Don't get pets if you can't afford to take care of them.

They are not humans, they don't wish to have babies and a happy family in the future, they just get into sexual overdrive once in a while and then they stop giving a shit about it until next time it comes.

There are already millions of stray cats and more millions dying in shelters, don't let your cat produce more cats that will most likely die young because you are a cheap idiot that can't take care of them.
Save some money, spray her, she won't give a shit afterwards and will keep having a happy life.

>>727862540
Luigi the Builder, because of the bridge

>mfw when gay autistic bestiality is on 4chan

>>727864832
>mfw when gay autistic bestiality is NOT on 4chan

>>727859502
Usually if you apply enough pressure to the back of its neck for like 120 seconds it'll stop making that noise for good. It's sorta like taking the batteries out of a furbee

>>727859502
https://youtu.be/hiVyueMFyqU
Paddle it. Maybe it'll get off on it.

Thank you!!!!

>>727864975
Yeah this

>>727862689
Sharing a story anonymously can be cathartic, ha get it?

WTF is wrong with you guys? "give it a rub rub?" WTF? just take her to a cat shelter so she can be free from you sick fuck! sterilize her you moron. it cost nothing in some cat shelter, you need to tell them that you find her and searched for owners and nobody answered, so you want to keep her. then it will cost like a stray cat which is 20 euros in Europe and around 30 dollars in US. and if you can't manage to earn that money, you do not deserve to have a pet. not even a rat. choose wisely.

Just rub the pussy or drum the ass, i do that everytime

>>727859502
spay your pets you fucking degenerate

>>727859644
You never know how chill cats are until you get one yourself

>>727865338
Kys

>>727864832
>gay autistic bestiality
Autists don't (sexually) abuse animals
t. Temple Grandin

>>727862176
And yours of semen

>>727859644
this