We admit our most heinous crimes. Ill start. >I ripped

once i eat spagheti with a spoon, plz silence

>>727289403
You horrific bastard. That's not a very illegal crime but Damn if it isn't sickening!

>>727289308
Nice try fbi

>>727289721
Admit your crimes!

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>>727289308
Shoplifting,lots and lots of shoplifting.

>>727289308
> shoplifting
> putting shit into a car parked with open window
> pissing into beer bottles and throwing them
> beating little shits up
> made people get fired because I fucked up intentionally and blamed them

The past 7 years Im a good boi though

milk first, then cereal

>>727289403
Not sure if high quality bait or just a simpleton

>>727289308
Burgled a dealer 2yrs ago and got 350g weed, lemon haze was tasty af

>>727289308
I ate your lunch from the staff lunch room

>>727289308
>be me, some years ago
>with gf qt3.14 in bar drinking and relaxing
>she’s suddenly very down and wants to go home
>at home she cries
>what’s up baby?
>that one guy touched me when I was a little girl
>what guy baby?
>that chubby douche bag that was standing right next to us
>wait here baby
>take cast iron poker from the fire place
>go to bar
>hey ass hole!
>he turns around
>I hit him on the head
>full force.exe
>he falls to the ground as I walk out
>go back to gf’s home
>see ambulance and police
>somehow nobody in the bas rats on me and I don’t get arrested
>FFWD 3 weeks
>Phone rings:
>itsdapolice.jpg
>better come over and have a talk
> few months later I get sentenced to 80 hours community service
>worth every minute
>especially when I see that idiot walking with that big ass scar
>smuganimeface.png

robbed some small time dealers before, but theyre rats anyways. public service plus free drugs!
also that one knife incident
and the b&es
and the car hopping
and a couple robberies

honestly, theyre not that heinous. i feel a bit bad about breaking into some of those cars though, smashing windows and shit but i usually targeted the higher end cars anyways. smashing the window on some random dudes honda civic is a dick move, but some rich prick who leaves a duffle bag full of gear in the trunk of his brand new x5? fuck it

>>727292482
feds dont have shit on me, ive never been busted for any of these.

also hit a few liquor stores and did some other petty bullshit like vandalism and theft.

>>727289308
I shot a man in Reno

>>727292878
wew

>>727292117
Wow you desperate white knight faggot. Risking jail time for some cunt's rape claim

>>727292878
Did you watch him die?

Got caught with shit tons of CP but computer was encrypted. Still got jail time for refusing to give password.

>>727293290
No i did a 720 and wew'd outta there asap

>>727293367
Good

I stole some fun dip once.

>>727289308
I was seeing a girl for months getting tons of bjs and fucking her a lot even though I knew she wanted a serious relationship and I didn't, then when she brought up the idea of a serious relationship I shut her down

I feel pretty guilty about the whole thing

I spit in the face of a Pennsylvania state trooper

>>727293224
>some cunt
that's my wife now and mother of my two kids.

if it was just some random slam piggy I would have never done it. But I had some real love rage going on.

>>727293913
>Married a cunt.
>Kids are half cunt
>Not just some slam piggy but a slam piggy he married

I never watched any of the star wars movies, and have no intention to.

Somebody once told me the world is gona roll me.

nuggee

>>727289308
Ripping the tag off a mattress is only illegal if you dont own it

Eaten food and shit in supermarkets while walking around. I went into a Target once and stole a shit ton of those chocolate ball candies. Dank.

I stole 6 mangas and solld'em to buy beer, i love anime <3

Do crimes against your family count as the most heinous of crimes?
>stole $2 from my mom and used it to bet on a fight between me and a classmate, i lost

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>>727289308
>>727289403
>>727290970
>>727291194
>>727293900
>>727295241

>>727291054
tyler is that you?

Be 16.Wake up with gut cramps and worst farts of my life.The horrible kind that burn your eyes and make you choke.Ate buncha dubious leftovers nite before.
Smell actually drives me outa my room.Walking down the hall I see my 10 year old brother sleeping in his room.He is on his back with his head right at edge of bed.......I must share these farts.
Dropping my shorts I place my asshole an inch from his open mouth.Timing carefully with his inhales I let a huge ,hot and silent fart just as he inhales,giving him a Lungfull Of Death.

As I slip back out into the hallway he begins gasping and choking.His face is red and he cant seem to catch his breath.As his eyes open I look in and helpfully ask if he is OK."Jesus god!!! did you fart?"he asks." Well yes I just let one out here in the hall"........."Its horrible..,I can taste it in my mouth and nose!! SHUT THE DOOR " he screams.So I did,sealing him in his tiny room with the awful cloud.
He is now a six foot six bounty hunter ,much bigger than me ,still remembers that fart and is still clueless.

>>727295038
loving animes is the real crime here

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I only shake moderately before using.

>>727295699
check'd and kek'd

>>727289308
Not my worst but I like this one:
>Live on top of a cafe/bar that installs outdoor space during summer months
>Bar has late night parties once or twice a week with people getting drunk and making a lot of noise
>When it rains, at night and when its dark, I piss from my balcony onto the people chilling outside the bar. I try not to release my piss all at once otherwise it would be too obvious. I'll piss in a few decent streams with small 2 or 3 second breaks in between. I have a fake bush type thing along my balcony through which I stick my cock, so I'm not visible to the people below.
>The place has plastic chairs and tables outside as well as a fake carpet type thing. Late at night when the place is closed, I'll light up some coals for my shisha, wait until they are properly lit and toss them down on the bar's outdoor furniture. The coals melt some decent holes into it.
>I've also thrown eggs all over the bar's outdoor space which, especially during summer months, makes the place smell like fucking rotten eggs. I make sure to keep my windows closed the next couple of days.
>The owner has complained to the police several times and once in a while they'll show up at my door. They go through the whole building speaking to all the occupants to see if anyone knows what's happening. Obviously I just play dumb. They can't prove shit.

>>727289308
Manslaughter

>>727290970
You Fucking animal

>>727289308
I steal eat candy in the candy store around 30 c everytime. I finish my Master Degree Law this summer

>>727295699
normally I only laugh that hard when I'm stoned. OMG it hurts!

Dirty dicked a female co-workers coffee cup.

never paid for Winrar

>>727295699
LOL'd

>>727296357
Bad man

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>>727295699
>I must share these farts
11/10

broke a window at a church.

Did a lot.

murder
assault on police in riots (4)
theft, vandalisme etc (too many to count)
Fires
use of firework agasint police and home made explosive.
Using and selling drugs
fraud
using RAT on teenage girls, borke the led of the webcam before (best thing I have ever done so for)
other minor stuff

thats for the legal part.

Im pretty fucked up now and I can't handle life without being stonned.

>>727294213
right in the feels

>>727296796
never get caught for now But I won't be surprised to get visted by the cops

>>727289308
>We admit our most heinous crimes.
LOL, faggot.

>>727294213
Virgin detected

>>727293367
You should still be locked up.

>>727294400
I guess you weren't the sharpest tool in the shed.
>Double Dubs

>>727293367
what country? That seems like 5th amendment shit in the US but I'm not lawyer.

I enjoy pizza...

Of the cheesy kind...

This one place in town has a cold-cheese pizza, where they throw cold bits of the mozzarella they use to make the pizza onto a slice after its' ready. Shit is top tier imo.

>>727293367
what city you live in OP?

>college dude
>roommate is on basketball team
>gets me into girls basketball house party
>partying with friends having a good time getting drunk
>"uh ohh" feel diahrrea shit in me
>grumbling ass where you know it's going to happen immediately
>don't want to shit in the first floor bathroom as my shits are normally the smelliest things on the planet
>run upstairs where guests aren't allowed
>get into bathroom throw my pants down and jump my ass on the toilet
>full blast shit, watery but with chunks almost like a chile
>lasts maybe 5 or 6 seconds
>feel so relieved that nobody's around
>start thinking about cleaning up
>realize there's no toilet paper
>freak out as my ass cheeks are covered in Shit and mud water
>check the sink cabinet
>nothing but some cleaning supplies in there and a white rag
>grab the rag and shove it up my ass crack
>take a peek at it *full of shit*
>fold it over and give another big wipe
>throw it back in the cabinet
>pull up pants and go back to partying
>girls basketball house doesn't have another party for months
>they finally have one and it's super exclusive
>I still get in because of my roommate
>after an hour or so they freak out like they have ptsd and kick literally everyone out
>this happens a couple more times before they just stop having house parties all together

It wasn't until after I graduated that I realized I was the reason they said stopped having parties

>>727298257
The city of hard knocks.
Everyone has metal doors now.

Low level shoplifting or smoking weed

>>727292878
But you are now dead, Johnny... how did you post this?