>so i stoppeed being a NEET >knowing php and basic means

>>726819696
You should probably lose a little bit of weight, at minimum enough to shit there. If you are still getting used to the job, add the workout or eating healthy to your routine.

File: uODEWeL.png (265KB, 480x483px) Image search: [Google]

265KB, 480x483px

>>726820288
hah. thank for your advice.
but its about as good as telling poor people to solve their poverty by "just getting rich".

Alright listen here you stupid fat fuck, thinking a scale is "fatshaming" you is the most retarded thing I've read in at least an hour, I know it's probably sarcasm but fuck. Two, lose the weight. Needing a special toilet is fucking pathetic, that and about a dozen other reasons that I don't feel like explaining. To answer your question though, fix your diet, do a little research on your own, /fit/ might be a good place to start, sounds like you eat shitty and need more fiber less fats.

You're on the right path, don't let yourself be a worthless fuck again.

>>726820813
... isn't this literally what you did? It wasn't easy since you failed the first 2 jobs, but you got there in the end! I'm sure you can lose some weight you fat shit!

>>726820813
eat a better diet with your new paycheck, you dont even have to exercise THAT much

File: cena.jpg (16KB, 480x318px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 480x318px

>>726819696
>like.. massive. i dont own a scale because those numbers are fatshaming me
>meaning going for a shit is impossible at work
>in europe, toilets my size arent common here at all

>>726820813
If you really wanted to change you would've, there's a million resources online and even on this website to help you make small changes in your life to lose a little bit of weight. But instead you came here to complain. The only reason his advice isn't good for you is because you want some advice that will lose the weight for you.

Use your new success as motivation. Good job and getting some cash, start to work on your body. Nothing crazy, but just limit yourself and maybe go one some walks or something.

When you see a bit of results, maybe go to the gym. People in all honesty don't care at the gym. I see a fatty at the gym and it makes me feel good they're going out there for it. Maybe once in a while you get silently judged but whatever, you do you.

I'm sure as you get used to eating better and doing physical activity, your body will start to regulate the shits and just have a good natural rhythm going.

I work out all the time and eat pretty well. i shit at work but it's normal. Once in a while I'll go crazy and eat a bunch of shit for a weekend then my bowels go nuts the next day or two, even at work, so I hold off for a while again.

Basically, focus on being healthier/active and the rest should come. I feel like you knew this already but are just unsure of how to go about it or need a little extra kick. Just go for it man.

>>726820813
If you really want to lose weight change your diet.
Buy fresh meat and vegetables from the store and learn how to cook. Learning how to make simple but tasty meals is easy. Living in Europe you also have a lot more access to proper food than you ever did in the States.

Honestly, I think the best course of action is to explain the situation to your boss in private. They may have another solution or maybe let you step out here and there to use the big boy bathroom.

Have you considered not eating? Should solve your problem in more than one way.

File: 1389176633935.jpg (78KB, 577x429px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 577x429px

>>726821134
>>726821224
yeah i figured. i have been to the gym a couple times already. its.. well.. a slow & painful process. if progress at all.
i cant substantially cut back on snacks yet because if im gonna feel dizzy and not get any work done.

>>726821188
sarcasm aside, my scale broke in two. my only consolation is i didnt break it the way you are thinking of now.

>>726821378
i think my boss [not so] secretly hates overweight people and only didnt veto me getting hired to fill some "retard & disabilities" quota for virtue signalling reasons. i considered asking for extended breaks but its likely hes just gonna laugh about me and tell everyone about it. and i wouldnt want to ruin some collegues seemig to be okay with me.

>>726821684
>snacks
Stop eating junk.

>>726821684
your problem arises from being a fat fuck, stop being a fat fuck. Instead of creating this thread go walk for 30 mins or go to /fit/.

>>726821684
Either lose weight so you can use a toilet like a human being or take a toilet brush to work so you can clean your fat ass

>>726821684
You do not need junk food, eat properly: meat, vegetables, eggs... You don't have to starve, you have to eat a decent amount.

Cut radically on sugar and watch your weight plummet, no matter if you eat meat and salads like a fucker.

>>726821684
caffeine, almonds, oats/muesli, celery and peanut butter, granola bars, cashews, peanuts, salad wraps, diet sodas/low sugar sodas,

don't tell me it's hard to eat these, it's as simple as putting it in your fucking head and being silent.

>>726820813
no because what poor people need is more money, which is adding something

what you need is less food, which is taking something away. In fact you will be spending less money and time to achieve your goal. Now if you would like to add exercise to your regimen that will require a time investment, but still no money investment.

You don't even need to eat healthier you can just eat less. As a former fatty, I know that all those excuses of why you can't eat less, healthier, or exercise more are bullshit. You just gotta fucking do it.

I've only been at my job for 2 weeks so I'm not comfortable taking a shit there yet. its not a huge office though so everybody knows then you're taking a shit apparently.

>>726822211
go out to lunch AKA go take a shit at some poor unsuspecting public restroom

>>726820813
>the same problem as telling poor people to "just get rich"
Fucking keked
Shit son, you are a human, you weren't born fat, you became it.
Poor people aren't born rich then become poor because they eat too much and become lazy.

You are the master of your body, but he has taken over. Reclaim that control. There's only you here. The advice you'll find on this site is easily overlooked by a person with a mindset on thinking that being fat isn't his fault.

I know that it's hard to swallow, but as an ex Fatty McFat, trust me, it's possible to get thin, it's possible to get ripped, and it was all your fault. Accept it, get angry about it, then change. Change not working? Change more.
It's hard, yeah.

>>726822165
>less food

Not necessarily true, just increasing the quality of the nutrients/cutting sugar out is more than enough to make a big impact. Yes, eating less is a possibility, but it slows down the metabolism and shits on your morale.

You can be smart about it, eat as much as needed, and still not be a fat fuck.

>>726822159
>diet sodas/low sugar sodas,
Those are bullshit. Don't drink Soda at all.

>>726820813
see where poor people can't magically obtain money from nowhere... You can certainly do nothing. literally nothing. and lose weight.

All you have to do is nothing. Your logic is fucking absurd.

Don't

Fucking

Eat

Fat

Piece

Of

Shit!

>>726822300

we're only supposed to take half an hour for lunch, thats the bad part. like we dont clock out or anything but i think if I was gone for 40+ minutes somebody may notice.

>>726820813
No its not you lazy shit, poor people have to convince other people to give them money one way or another, you just need to get off your fat ass, you're so overweight a 30 minute walk should be enough to get you started

>>726820953
I'm glad you understand too. Fat makes you fat. Reduce your fat intake, burn fat, and you will loose fat. It's that simple. Your body does not turn carbs into fat, that's why vegans are all fucking twigs, the never eat enough fat to keep fat on their body.

>>726819696

>for reasons related to me behaving inappropriately

Please explain how you behaved inappropriately during two interviews.

>>726822911
bump

>>726822574
Read up on EU labour laws, they're not nearly as strict as in the States. You actually have a lot more rights as an employee. An employer can not legally fire you on the spot unless you do something retarded like getting caught stealing.
Being gone for a bit longer than usual oni your lunch break isn't normally a problem, not in the places I've worked in at least.

File: shit_top_that.jpg (57KB, 836x600px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 836x600px

>>726822014
>>726821852
i learned about various foods and diet stuff on /fit/ (who time after time prove that even /pol/ is more accepting of people than them lol)
thing is. those not only taste terrible (which can be overcome with will power).. they also give me the shits. there doesnt seem to be a way to accomplish both at the same time
>radically change diet
>avoid needing to shit for 7+ hours straight

and shit is what this thread is about. picture related.

>>726822443
fat fact: i *was* born fat. my mom used to show my birth certificate to friends of the family for laughs, because apparently i was record heavy.
but yeah, i get what you're saying. thanks for the inspiring speech.

>>726822574
>>726822300
i only considered the close neighbourhood. but you may have just found my solution. if i take the bus down to the train station, there is a public toilet there that i used before when i just couldnt make it home in time after a long day out

>>726822911
This, I want to know too.

>>726822848
Bullshit, you need fats for structural purposes, like 20 to 30% of your calory intake has to be in the form of fat. Just good fats, olive oil and peanuts, not shitty saturated fats that come with fries.

>>726823131
Carbohydrates are the most important part of your diet. Fat makes you fat. There is no word in the English dictionary for a protein deficiency.

>>726819696
Toilets you size? Really? Wtf dude, shape up.

>>726823268
There is too a word for protein deficiency.

cumslut

>>726822455
if he eats the same amount of calories as he eats now and maintains the same behavior he will not lose weight. He has to eat fewer calories or increase the amount of calories burned. Unless he's doing some ketogenic diet, but that's stupid.

>>726822848
Fats are essential in a healthy diet a significant percentage of your diet should be fats. Fats don't make you fat excess calories make you fat.

>>726823268
That is just factually wrong. Everybody in the bodybuilding/sports communities eat certain types of fats, because that's what constitutes the walls of cells, they are needed to build and maintain muscle.

The problem is in fast absorption carbs, so, cut on fucking sugar.

>>726823658
There are fat calories and carb calories. A calories isn't just a calorie. There are different kinds of calories that have different effects on your body

>>726823658
Healthy foods have a higher satiation to calory ratios, I don't mean him to keep the calory count above zero, but six kilograms of apples will not make you as fat as one of chips.

>>726822992
Honestly man, you seem like your maing a lot of excuses.
The problem isn't the proximity of the nearest toilet, or the birth certificate from when you were a baby, that shows nothing, and only entertains the fallacy that you actually have a disorder keeping you from being thin.

The problem is the weight. The foods that make you diet aren't bad tasting, but your body has taken in so much fatty food that it generates a sense of lack when you put something in your mouth that your tonue doesn't recognize as fat containing.

One of the real things you can do is use spices, not necessarily hot spice, but cumin, paprika, ginger, all of these contain no fat, no salt, and with proper cooking techniques will make you the slim king you wish to be, and you'll have at thte same time learned how to cook.

Here's something I learned while thinning: You can make the best food, and i'm not shitting you here, with 'slim' products, veggies, lean meat like chicken, veal.
One of the really important things to remember is that dieting should not be torture at mealtime. You need to eat, and it needs to be tasty. It will take time to learn to cook, but hell, if you learnt PHP by yourself, than you can learn to cook well. It's not easy, it's an art, but the reward can be seen both on your body and on the smile of the girls you'll invite over for dinner.

I was a fat fuck.
Last summer I promised myself I would commit suicide If I don't get fit.( being the faggot I am. I didn't want to off myself).

I didn't eat anything for 4 days and started feeling dizzy.
So, I decided to not eat anything for 3 days and eat something on the 4th day(watermelon and one apple).
Repeat until you get fit.
Note that will you have trouble swallowing on the 4th day... First time feels like swallowing razor blades.

>>726823990
Enjoy your dietary imbalances, physical and mental weakness, numb senses and terrible general experience.

You DO NOT need to do such extreme bullshit. You can do it, it may be sort of effective, but it is just not sustainable in the long term.

This is your punishment for allowing yourself to get so fat. Now think about this for a second, OP: if you didn't stuff your fat fucking face with junk food every single day your entire life, and actually exercised occasionally (20 minutes a day) then you'd have had multiple jobs by now, plenty of pussy and you'd be rolling in cash. But, you're a fat cunt, and like the other fat cunts you'll fail to work properly because of your fat fucking shits stinking up the office.

Quit your job now and save yourself the embarrassment or go get liposuction you fat motherfucker.

>>726822911
Pls respond

>>726823268
This has been completely debunked. Especially with simple carbohydrates like sugar and flour. They put you on a glycemic roller coaster and your body can only cope by converting all those calories into fat. You never feel full, and you eat more carbs to compensate, and the process repeats itself. Eat a fat filled steak and your body uses that energy over a much longer time, without a huge insulin rush and feeling like your starving 15 minutes later.

>>726819696
lose weight you fat piece of shit

File: 1372727753026.gif (2MB, 510x416px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 510x416px

>>726822911
it wasnt as funny as it was pathetic, thats why i left it out
anyway, first one
>slept well
>found the right place in time
>looking good
>well prepared
>know everything about the company
>know how to respond to common question
>imgonnadothis.gif
>slightly embarassed ask some sort of secretary how to find Mr X
>tell her my name, she says she knows why im here, i should
>"sit.. (looking at the chairs) or stand if you like.. (awkward pause) over there (points left)"
>i sit down
>one guy in fron of me
>girl bringing coffe enters, motioning him to follow her
>dude in front of me enters
>less than 3 minutes, he leaves
>his face tells me i got one less contestant
>nice.pnm
>longer pause
>maybe he did make a good impression? are they gonna call me in now?
>what are they talking about if he totally failed
>finally. girl bringing coffee exits
>gotime.bmp
>girl walks right past me
>comes back with coffee
>enters room, wants to do that cute gesture to get me to come over again
>drops entire tablet of cofee/sugar/milk etc etc
>i get up. heading to help her
>suddenly my brain thinks about how much of ylyl quality her fall had
>that one spoon swirling though the air and dropping considerably after the last teacup had met its ultimate fate
>like, she fell gracefully, but so much destined for serious smash
>anyway, it wasnt that funny, but at the moment i totally found it funny
>start giggling
>pinch myself in the dick, stop the giggle, hope she didnt hear
>go over to help her
>hand still on dick
>suddently start gigling again.
>then laugh out loud.
>boss (presumably) exits room, sees girl on ground
>sees me hand in crotch, laughing at her
>cant stop laughing
>my laugh isnt exactly charming, and in the situation especially badly inappropriate
>asked to leave
>leave
>go home
>cry
>cry more
>still cringe when i think about it.
anyway, you decide if that funny, but remember you havent seen her falling and my description couldnt possible do justice to it.

>>726820813
lol, fuck you.
Basic exercises + CICO

>>726824340
At last, someone who knows his shit.

>>726823990
This is retarded, your body will eventually enter a sort of crisis mode, where, when you eventually end up eating normally again, you'll regain that weight in no fucking time.

File: disgusting.gif (2MB, 375x209px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 375x209px

>>726824627
Oh boy.

And the second one?

Lose weight dumbass. If you do you might be able to get that cute Asian on a date

>>726823990
Never do this,
Thinning is about changing a part of your lifestyle, something that you used to do wrong, you'll need to change habits to do right. That is if you want to have it last long, at one point you won't even notice your doing it

File: 1355535364801.gif (955KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

955KB, 500x375px

>>726825276
a collection of various things i shouldnt have said. lets form a little "what not to do in job interviews" list
>if you got sweaty fingers, get that fixed before that initial handshake and out of sight of the guy whose hand you are shaking
>dont talk bad about *anyone*, even if you *know* the interviewer dislikes that person aswell.
>if you dont have any good hobby project, bringing up your program for "sorting images" and then having to imply its meant for pornographic material is not a good idea
>dont do jokes/wordplays during interviews if you are bad at making those
>dont fake knowledge of something you dont know a lot about when theres likely someone in the room who knows WAY more about it than you

>>726819696

You went from a damn NEET to getting skills to get a job, you now have a job.

Great progress

How about instead of being a self fat shaming cunt lose the weight

Go to /fit/ read the sticky, if you cant even go to the toilet normaly your to fucking fat. work on losing weight. maybe even getting muscle.

Good luck

>>726822992
Honestly you should lose the weight or just end yourself.

The fact that you've encountered this problem and instead of realizing "Holy shit I have absolutely no willpower in the face of food, if I dont lose weight I may lose my job, chances of relationships, happiness, and die 30 years early"

Like so many fatties you just say "Welp I was born fat and its soooo harddddd so how can I figure out how to shit like a human being?"

Your boss hates fat people because fat people:
>require more sick time
>use more doctor visits
>are less reliable
>cant do regular physical work
>are generally unsightly and smell bad because they cant fucking clean their own asscrack

Beyond pathetic. Change your fucking life.

>>726819696
Alright OP, I'm gonna tell you some important things. I used to be a large guy at almost 270 lbs. When I was 17 I was sick of getting made fun of for my weight, I was sick of hating myself for my body, and I was sick of spending so much fucking money on food. You know what I did? I cut back. I didn't work out, I didn't eat a bunch of health food, I didn't spend money on a special diet and personal trainer. No, you know what I did? I ate less. In a month I dropped 10 pounds from just cutting out soda and cheese puffs. Every month for a few years I had made headway into becoming a healthier person. Soon after I got down to a healthy weight for my height(I'm tall which helped a lot) I started to work out. The weight I lost in fat was added back on in muscle. I got a lovely girlfriend who I hope to marry and and I really turned my entire social life around. Since I lost weight I felt better about myself, felt smarter, and just performed better in general.

The first step of eating less will lead to a world of change if you really care about your health and well being. I promise it isn't as hard as it may seem. All you need is dedication and commitment. Even if you just cut back on food like I did at first it will help your situation a lot.

>>726819696
>like.. massive. i dont own a scale because those numbers are fatshaming me
got a rough number anyway?

File: image.png (34KB, 675x694px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 675x694px

>>726819696
MFW taking a shit at work while reading this.

You're gonna have to find a duet that works for you as far as binding you up for the work day.

You basically need to not shit for 8 hours, or find a nearby public toilet to hit on your lunch break.

I'd tell you to lose the weight but that takes time and you don't want to lose the job in the meantime.

I'd normally say "fuck off and die fat retard", but you're trying to reform from neetism. That garners a little respect. GL anon.

>>726829466
170kg as per couple months ago.

>>726820813
theres no drug that magically makes you rich. but there IS a drug that magically makes you lose weight. rapidly. its called amphetamine. bonus youll need only 4 hrs of sleep a day.

>>726819696
Go over to /fit/ to get an idea of what anyone in shape thinks about you if you don't try to fix your weight.
I'm not gonna give you any advice or motivation because everyone else is doing that but I will say this: a bloke I knew that was fat got fit and became solid. He said it was the best decision he ever made, it was like he was in a state of being half asleep the whole time he was fat, after losing that weight he felt alive.
Fix yourself up, no one else will be doing it

losing weight is easier than you think. You don't even need to exercise if you're lazy.

your body often doesn't know the difference between feeling hungry and feeling thirsty. so drink a lot instead of snacking. And don't be stupid by drinking sugery drinks. Coffee, thea or water, whatever takes your preference. The last three hours before you go to sleep, don't eat anything. You wouldn't believe how important this is.
Before you eat a meal, fill up on soup. It's low on calories and will leave less room for other stuff. Those three things made me lose a kilo per week. If you're as massive as you claim, it should work even better for you.

>>726819696
how old are you?

>>726819696
listen here, go to a gym and pay a personal trainer to help you lose weight, just go to the gym

>>726831222
>>726830964
dont listen to these idiots. if you weigh 170kg and were a neet, youre a lazy bum that wont endure the gym and/or strict diets. I'm a lazy bum too, I weighed ~120kg 3yrs ago. with amphetamine I didnt have to change my lifestyle or diet at all and went down to 70kg in half a year. I'm not saying its healthy (yet more healthy than some of the weight-loss stuff you can buy legally!), but its dirt-cheap (<100€/month) and very easy. once you reach your desired weight you drop the amphetamine and by that time your diet will have adjusted to your new weight by itself.

>>726819696
Lose weight fag

>>726819696
just don't give up and keep at it, you're not stupid, you can figure it out

Listen OP you should be able to aim your butthole to shit out into the toilet, no? If you have an issue with the excessive amount of shit your body unloads, I heard pouring some hot water and dish soap(?) I believe together can quickly break up. Another thing, know this one supplement called Psyllium Husk, which you can find pretty cheaply on Amazon, can do wonders for regulating bowel movements and making them just slide out like a conveyor belt with how well it works as a fiber. That means no more poor eating habit clingy poop sticking all into your 2 foot butthole and needing to use 2 rolls of toilet paper to try and wipe it out. You will have to engineer your eating and stuff in a way so you shit always towards quite a few hours after you get home from work. If you eat way too much you could fuck it up though because your massive buthole will be dying to spray out shit galore. To put it simply, you have probably the biggest asshole in the world I would dare to say and I view this as a fascinating thought and potential science experiment.

> willing to chip in with some other anons to completely dissect OP and understand his body functioning, if someone here knows surgery we could just reroute his anal hole to his hand or something so he can shit like spiderman casting a web?

>>726819696

make your employer build you a shitter you can use.

if they dont they are discriminating against you and you should sue them.

>>726819696
>>726832251

Do have to say though, the fact that you basically tried nothing at all and presented it as if even just using the toilet somehow was an impossible barrier, makes me think you are unmotivated and probably wont do anything anyone here says at all.

All this talk about /fit/ is stupid, OP you dont care stop saying you are going to lose weight bitch, be a man and be honest with yourself about your drive and lack thereof. I have seen many men commit this same mistake and nearly always they end up becoming real faggots that try to get dick on craigslist and let random dudes fuck them while they hang their ass out of their car's window. This WILL be you OP, don't fuck around.

>>726832635
One last thing:
> <?php
> echo "OP has massive asshole";
> ?>

>>726819696
just lose weight. eat proper food in normal amounts (not large amounts like you prob do), stop snacking, drink water, quit drinking alcohol and start exercising. should be able to shit out 5kg a week until you start getting down to a normal size.

>>726832762
also,
> import os
> print('OP has big asshole')

>>726832762
And
> var msg = "Gaping asshole OP's natural state";
> console.log(msg);