Hey /b/, Let's talk about whatever is on your mind. Come

I ripped the tenant of my finger and now it's fucked, it's actually depressing just looking at it

>>726780360

how did you do that?

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I'm so depressed and lonley. I wish I could kill myself but I'm a coward. Tha thats on my mind pretty much every waking moment.

>>726781047

Why are you lonely? Do you have any friends or acquaintance?

shes emotionally abusive and constantly threatening suicide, her parents wont let her move out and instead beat her, and whatever happiness ive felt in the past 2 years is overshadowed by the fact that i cant be happy with her around

>>726781430
Elaborate please. That obviously isn't a healthy relationship, but you shouldn't put other people in front of yourself.

>>726781534
3 years, and only the first one was happy. she noticed my worsening mood and blamed herself, but said if i leave that shed commit suicide. Her parents abuse her physically and verbally, and they ruin any chance she gets to move out, or get a job. From what ive seen they use her as an outlet, and she uses me as an emotional punching bag. In the beginning, i tried to help. I got her to seek therapy and got her to stop cutting her wrists, but shes too much and i cant handle this anymore. Only problem is i dont want her to die, because im not a sick fuck. The cops know about her because her family has said she "isnt quite right in the head" (which is actually pretty true, cause shes bipolar as fuck and a total sociopath) but that means cops dont take her seriously anymore, and ive tried calling them and they said theyd handle it, but did nothing (im assuming they recognized the address) so yea

last week i had a cold for the entire week. this week i had strep throat. it hurts to swallow. my nose is runny. im taking the medicine but its only getting my slightly better

all i want is to feel normal. not even happy or good, just not shit

i no longer recognize myself in mirrors. i dont know what it is, but the person i look at isnt me.

>>726781213
Yes but no one I can connect with or share my real feelings with without being made fun of or them feeling bad for me.

>>726782110

That's a really shitty situation and I'm very sorry. You're correct when you say you're an emotional punching bag.

How old is she? Her parents should have nothing to do with her moving out or getting a job? If you both are unhappy, save yourself the heartache and end it now. There's the threat of her committing suicide, and obviously you don't want that..But come on man. I assume you're young..Don't waste hers or your young years being unhappy with someone.

>>726781213
Also my motivation is pretty much zero so finding new friends isn't gonna work. Can you kill me?

>>726782209

I'm sorry. I hope you feel better.

>>726782333
Please elaborate. I often feel the same way.

>>726782359
That's a common feeling, whether people admit it or not. Why would people make fun of you or feel bad for you?

I'm close to having the power to shift history's direction and day by day I am becoming more angry.

>>726780360
tendon*. just thought you might want to not sound like a retard IRL if you feel like telling anyone else

>>726782359
People don't understand depression and they think I'm just being a pussy or they just feel sorry for me Idk how to explain the feeling sorry part. Can you kill me please.

I was depression free for 2 weeks, it was cool I found a job. Now it's been 2 days I returned in a depression state, I feel cursed and miserable

>>726782367
shes 18, im 19, and yea, they shouldnt, but they do anyway. And i would, except i know that she will leave a note blaming me and there will be lies involved and i dont want to be known in my small town as the guy who made his girlfriend commit suicide.

in reality i know this has a lot to do with me being a massive pussy, but i dont want to draw all the atention to me, i just want to go back to my reclusive life...my current plan is to switch to an out of state college and just tell her that long distance wont work, and then ill just cut all contact, since ive been looking at a better college anyway

>>726782542
Elaborate please.

>>726782645
Depression is a terrible thing. Obviously, you aren't a pussy..Does anything in particular trigger your depression? How long have you felt this way? No, I wouldn't kill you even if I could. You have repairs to make.

>>726782728
Wow 2 weeks! How did you do that?

>>726782845
I don't know, I am kind of bipolar
There are no triggers

>>726782728
Have you spoken to a therapist about it? What makes you feel depressing, in particular?

>>726782780

"They shouldn't, but they do anything" is something I connect with entirely. I know what you mean by saying that. It's hard to make the right decision sometimes. You aren't a pussy for caring about someone, even yourself, and being hesitate about acting.

I was in a similar situation, and finally got fed up to the point where I just said "fuck it" and broke up..It was the best thing I've ever done and opened several doors for the both of us. I understand your hopelessness and your "way out" via college, but you need to do this for you and her.

>>726782791
I haven't been happy in six plus years I'm only 24 and for those six years I've tried 8 diffrent medicines talked to a therapist and have been put into a mental institution (chapter 15) nothing helps I'm just hoping to die everyday. I've moved to a diffrent state, I've tried a more relaxing job. Life is meaninglessness and I do t think I'll ever be convinced otherwise. I wanna be happy for one day that's all I'm asking. Sorry for being a faggot I bottle up these feelings.

>>726782942
Do you take any medicine?

Well, I fucked up. I used to know so much when I was little and I loved learning. I was starting to become a nerd with advanced classes and stuff. But the bullying...I swear to you anons, it's like the universe wanted to get me. Everyone always made fun of me for no reason. Being a spic I never went through racism but it's the sheer will of others wanting to feel superior. By 2nd grade I gave up a but. But 4th grade I completely gave up on math. By 8th grade every class and freshman year as well. Now, I can't do 4th grade math. Honestly, I'm an idiot now. I used to know so much I impressed teachers and other students with my knowledge. Now I'm at the bottom of the class. How the hell do I live like this? I want to succeed but idiots never do.

>>726783247

You seem very convinced there isn't any hope whatsoever. You seem very set in your ways of just giving up. Not saying you're giving up out of cowardice, but given up because you haven't had any other reason but to.

Try simple things. Go out of your way, as hard as it may be, to help someone. An old person load groceries into their car, right a letter to a stranger, volunteer, or even simply go through a walk or explore somewhere you've never been.

I know that all sounds like horse shit, cliche, typical things you hear a billion times..but listen just this once and do those things.

Don't apologize for spilling your feelings..You aren't a faggot for having emotion and I respect you for actually venting, if only over the internet to a stranger. Your outreach proves your worth and your want for a better life.

>>726779894
Parents have about 20 animals that normally you would find in the woods. Think Deer and shit, they are old and poor. Worried when they pass I will have to deal with this shit. Kinda thinking of sneaking home and cutting the fence.

>>726782645
I know that feeling anon.

>>726783035
>>726783035

I have spoken to a therapist, the mofo is convinced that it comes from a surround thing

He prescribed me antidepressant for a month, I felt no differences.

When I told him, he prescribed me an other antidepressant that almost made me kill myself as they induce strong physical pain and developped very dark ideas that I've never had had before.

Nothing makes me feel depressed, I just suddenly enter the void. I can hear bad news, good news, be sleeping or anything, from my experience, entering the void has no triggers, same as exiting the void

>>726783035
i know...i know but i cant bring myself to do it. Shes so happy when im around, and when i put on a fake smile, and i know that at this point in her life, im the only thing she has. she had no friends, no social life, she barely even has internet. She uses MY iphone 4 with that always has to be plugged in, and uses her neighbors wifi...whenever i seriously consider breaking it off, she gives me the biggest smile and hug, and i just cant

>>726783470

You aren't an idiot, and I'm sorry for your bullying. Are you bullied for just being hispanic? The grades you make in school, whether due to bullying or whatever, isn't an indicator of your intelligence level. Is the bullying itself the thing that is holding you back from succeeding in class?

>>726783470
It never to late to learn my dude unless you get some brain injury that mentally retards you. Seriously fuck those people putting you down. Fuck impressing everyone else learn for yourself.

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man is looking for a stable gig too much to ask for these days, or what?

fuck...

>>726783385
I felt so miserable once that I went to a therapist that prescribed me antidepressant for a month

I absolutely felt no difference. When I told him, he prescribed me new antidepressant treatment that I quit 2 days later as I could feel my brain melting and started to have very strong suicide thoughts

>>726783746
I've been bullied for everything so much I'm immune now. It's not currently happening anymore but one that hit me hard in my self esteem was this Asian fuck who mocked me for having F's in my classes and calling me an idiot. Corky fucker got shot months ago and dies so I guess it isn't my problem anymore but I don't know if I'll ever catch up. The only thing I'm good at is English, although not typing it here.

>>726783589

That's a crappy situation and I'm sorry you're going through it. Are these animals loved pets?

>>726783593
I'm sorry. Nobody deserves depression.

>>726783639
Maybe try a different therapist. I'm sorry about your dark thoughts, You don't deserve that. I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. I have a friend who reminds me of you and my heart breaks for him because I know it isn't his fault.

>>726783678
That's heartbreaking. I empathize with you and I know what you mean in a sense. Do you love her?

my mom is the reason both me and my sister have depression, but im scared to get antidepressants because my sister now has extremely weak and brittle bones, and my mom makes fun of her for it

>>726779894
i am can are am having to wish believing into the things i've always wanted to be. you are my friend. you are not my brother, my friend.

>>726784112
>Do you love her?
I ask myself that everyday. And every day it changes, some days i love her so much it hurts, and other days it hurts so much i just want to leave and never come back

>>726784112
You have my brother patience.

I am tired of seeing therapists, I am tired of everything

>>726783781
Thanks for contributing.

>>726783814
Preach. I just graduated from university with an engineering degree. I'm 28 years old and looking for a job. I spend my nights asking /b/ to spill their heart so I can talk with them. Hopefully something works out for the both of us soon!

>>726784037
I, and others that aren't trying to show off in front of others, respect you for wanting and striving to learn more. Luckily, you live in the information age where you have great access for information. Maybe try khan academy for math and other things? Buy or download books? Just try your best in school. When you graduate from high school, go to a university and you'll be rid of those shit heads.

>>726784354
Another thing which I guess is off topicis placement testing. Seriously how are people in America supposed to succeed with this shit practically deciding our future?

University has been getting extremely lonely. I just wish my social anxiety could just die so I can meet some people without having a fucking nervous breakdown.

>>726783535
I understand why you might think I'm giving up out of cowardice but personally I feel exhausted at the amount of effort I've put in to trying to fix myself with nothing to show for it. I really do want a better life but nothing is working. Thanks for letting me vent.

>>726784167
That's fucked up. You don't need antidepressents to make improvements. Maybe talk to a therapist with your sister?

>>726784255
wat.

>>726784320
I know that feeling completely. I have to ask myself if everyone feels this way and tricks themselves..I don't think so for some reason.

You're in a terrible situation, and something has to give. You said you're unhappy and I believe that. I think you should talk to your parents or a close friend or something who maybe understands. Spill your heart to them.

>>726784321
Keep fighting for a joyful life. You deserve it.

I want to talk about how depressed I am. No one really gives a fuck though.

>>726784675
I guess you can here anon, hell, I'm doing it rn. Take advantage of it.

>>726784532
I was second to last in my high school class, Went to technical school for 4 years (yes, a 2 year school) and eventually got a 2 year degree in computer programming, took one more year of extra shit, and transferred to a university for Chemical Engineering and here I am, sitting here talking to you guys and hopefully helping anyone who I can. Elementary, Middle, and High school are bullshit. Obviously, Do the best you can..but You dont' have to get into university right after high school if it isn't possible. It isn't the end of the world. Placement testing is horse shit, but is only useful at face value. Do great things. Learn for yourself.

>>726784568
I hear you. I'm sorry. Maybe try baby steps? Do you have any friends or acquaintances at university at all?

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>>726779894
I'm trying to quit smoking, and they say that going cold turkey is best, but that's not what i am doing.

>>726784675

This is why I made this thread. I want you to spill your heart and thoughts out. Let's talk about your depression, if you'd like.

>>726783920
Right, they gave me this one pill that made me go psychotic, I felt so wired and insane that I had to call off work and go into the doctors. Fuck pills none of the pills they gave me worked.

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I miss her /b. More then she will know. And I can't talk to her about it cause it's been 2 years. I don't know how she feels or remembers anything. I'm so lost right now. I feel like I will never find someone like her again...

>>726784675
It makes you feel a bit better for a few minutes till the depression takes over again.

>>726784806
Alright, thanks anon. Your journey gives me confidence that maybe it isn't too late.

>>726784849
You do you. If you think you can wean yourself off more power to ya! Going cold turkey can be very difficult.

>>726784870
I've have been suffering with depression for almost a decade. I feel like it has something to do with a need for acceptance. From anyone. I look for it in all the wrong people and end up getting hurt. Women and men alike. I end up pushing everyone away because I can't seem to find the right kind of emotion to display at the proper time. I tend to think about stuff to much and create situations in my head that never happened. I end up acting on those made up situations and alienating people even more. when your 26 people just kind of stop wanting to try to help you and instead out up with you because they don't want to deal with your suicide. Wich there is no point of doing anyway because I feel like life is meaningless. So dying is meaningless as well. Thanks for listening.

>>726780360
If its a mallet finger it can be easily fixed

>>726784806
No, I don't. Only made one friend my entire life and he moved away years ago. I tried going to an café during open mic night to try and get myself out in public, but every second of it was hell. My stress levels are through the roof on a daily basis, and I feel like there's no escape except for vidya and here.

>>726784849
Quitting smoking sucks. Especially while driving, after drinking, at fun events, etc. Good luck!

>>726784873
That's fucking terrible and I'm sorry. I haven't experienced what you've gone through, but I wish you the absolute best.

>>726785063
Bad breakups are absolutely terrible. The first big relationship, you'll give 100% to yourself..but once you get your heart smashed, you will never again. You will get over it, because time works that way. And you'll find someone else. It doesn't seem like it right now, but it will. Just try to live your life normally.

>>726785115
You have no idea how happy I am to know that one of these threads I made actually somewhat helped someone. I promise you it isn't too late. Just try your best in school, fuck everyone else. After high school college is a completely different ballpark. There aren't as many try hard smug cunts, and you can find people who you relate to so much easier.

>>726785277
I'm going cold turkey with masterbating and it so difficult, it's only been 5 days and it's only getting harder each day. No pun intended but lol

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I miss having a dog lick my balls and asshole while i jerk off

>>726779894
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Also, I have a 16 yr old girl at work that has become smitten w/ me. And idk what to do about it,

>>726785490
I have lived normally for ever anon. Some nights I just feel like should have done something else. It was my first relationship and I didn't know what to do or say. All I ever said was I love you to her, she said it back but I guess one day she didn't
I'm so fucked up right now I'm just sitting here thinking about nothing

>>726779894
There is this one girl that I love, the only problem is that she is lesbian, we both have similarities, we get a long well together. I make here laugh, we laugh together. I want her. I feel like she loves me back, but she said she is lesbian, I am just so confused I don't know what to do, I love this girl. I feel like she is the one that actually understands who I am as a person. I haven't asked her out or anything, I love her and I feel like she loves me back but I just don't know what to do. I need help with this.

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>>726779894

>>726785385

You remind me of my friend who has explained very similar thoughts and expressions. He's 27 years old and we've spoken several times. The best I can do for him is talk to him when he is feeling down. If there is one thing I would want him to know more than anything else is that I love him, He's a terrific person despite his terrible illness and emotions towards things. It's not his fault, and there are good times to be had . The same goes for you.

>>726785445
I commend you for trying to go out. That would be a difficult place to get yourself in public. Baby steps! Try going for a walk, read a book out in public and get fresh air, Make an extra step to be more than normal nice to the cashier or whoever is helping you with your groceries/items at a store. These all build on social skills that will seep there way into all events.. These seem like such arbitrary and small things, but they help!

>>726785490
Alright anon, well gotta sleep. Thanks for everything, I really hope I succeed in life and I wish luck to you as well. Btw, I want to become an Oncologist.

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>>726785682
Just wait 2 years for that tight puss

>>726785879
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.

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What if there is a god like being out there? What he isn't sure where he came from or knows the answers. What if he has a god he prays to?

>>726785385
I feel you man, I've had it for over 6 years. I'm impressed you've lasted a decade. I'm there with ya on life being meaningless. Sorry I can't give you advice just know you aren't alone.

>>726785943
Hahaha 16 is legal here

>>726785879
Kind words from you Anon. Unexpected that I'd get the feels here.

>>726785752
Man, I wish there was a way I could extend my arm and tell you I know exactly what you mean. If I were in your shoes and I heard "just give it time" i'd tell myself to fuck off because I don't know what I'm talking about. But I promise you, it will get better. It's a horrible feeling and a terrible situation. The only advice I can tell you is to try to talk to more girls/get laid/flirt, just act normal as possible, and make self improvements..work out, learn programming, read books, etc.

Self improvement is the best form of revenge.

>>726785804
I'm not trying to sound like a cunt, but are you positive she's a lesbian and isn't going through one of those "stages" that high school / college girls do for attention? No disrespect meant, whatsoever.

That's a strange situation. I guess for right now, just try to go out with her and spend more time with her..maybe she'll open up one way or the other to make it absolute certain?

>>726786117
It will never get better. But I imagine one day I just won't care enough anymore.

moved into a new country, everything seems so different. I don't really know how to make friends and everytime I try it feels so awkward especially since I have social anxiety. This makes me so depressed. I just hope I can suck it up till I graduate.

>>726786317
I recomend you study their culture. It's probably them who feel nervous around you. Try to blend in. Read a book or study their history.

>>726779894

I have a lazy ass millennial son that doesn't do shit except play video games and watch tv. Getting fucking sick of the lazy do nothing generation.

Are there always this kind of venting threads here? Or am I just lucky today? I like this anything thread.

>>726786472
Dad? Is that you? Jk, but yeah that's me. Only like this when I have nothing better to do though.

>>726786308
Yup this is something we will have to live with the rest of our lives. I doubt within our lifetime there will be a cure.

>>726785925

Then do what you have to do to be the best fucking Oncologist in the world. I wish you the best of luck.

>>726786016
You're absolutely welcome. I wish and hope the best for you. <3

>>726786117
Thank you for your input.

>>726786229
It's the truth. Seriously. I love my best friend so much and it's hell to see him go through it. You're going through the same thing and it hurts my heart to know a complete stranger is feeling the same way. I wish there was something I could 100% certain do to help him and you. You both deserve complete happiness.

I'm getting sick of sex offender lists. It used to be for truly sick fucks. Now they put anyone on them no matter what you actually did.

>>726786283
She said she was a lesbian/asexual, it is high school, she said she started being lesbian about 2 years ago, I don't think she had a girlfriend what so ever before, a lot of times each day, she will wrap her arm around my arm, I also felt like I noticed her being less touchy I would say with her girlfriends(not relationship girlfriend), there is a dance later this month, I feel like asking her to go to it, but I got that lingering fear you know?

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>>726785943
>>726785943
I'm going to, but the things she says are... uncommon for a 16 yr old to say

>>726786308
I am sorry you feel that way.

>>726786317
Exchange student? Is there a club or maybe a social event that will put you in touch with others from the same nationality as you?

>>726786470
Thank you.

>>726786472
I'm sorry. Maybe try some things that you can both participate in or understand why he doesn't feel the need to excel or do other things? There could be deeper things going on than just laziness.

>>726786539
Not sure. I don't think so. I make them every now and again. I know what it's like to be low and how helpful simply just venting can be.

>>726786608
Have you attempted to apply yourself in other things you may be interesting in? Programming, writing a book, math, etc?

>>726786623
I somewhat agree. Obviously if you hurt a child or did something heinous you should be on it..but if you're 18 or 19 and had sex with your 17 year old gf, that's bullshit.

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>>726786777
Lucky sevens chekd

>>726786539
I see them often this is the first I've joined in on. This site surprises you sometimes with actual human connection. Probably cause 90% of us are sad/outcasts.

>>726786692
I don't know you or your situation..but I have known "lesbians" in high school that have simply been "lesbians" for the attention of simply being gay. I'm not saying she isn't gay, or has sexual attraction for women, but I feel a lot of times, especially in high school, where attention is to be had for being gay that it could very well be exaggerated. Ask her out to the dance..What do you have to lose?

>>726787012

Good! i'm glad I'm not the only asshole on this site making these things. Thank you for joining.

https://youtu.be/0X0HhgO2yDE

>>726786470
thanks for the advice, I think maybe its me, I tried to show interests in what people generally like but man, I still feel lonely

>>726779894
Kinda long but its really stressing me out today.
>be me
>work with 9/10 married chick
>don't think anything of it as she's married and there are other, single, girls at work
>date one of the single girls for a little while and then break up
>I don't date much since I'm an emotional retard so it fucks me up
>married woman swoops in and starts talking to me and helping me through it
I'm 21 and married chick is 19, thought I should add that
>become best friends over the next month or so
>married chicks husband is in the army and deployed
>whenever we hang out she lies to him about who she's with and what she's doing
>after about a month of hanging out we both know we like each other and there is obvious sexual tension
>married chick asks me to come over one night
>no one else is at her apartment
>first time are ever really alone together
>we decide to watch a movie but I "fell asleep" soon after it started
>not long after she just turns it off and pretends to sleep too
>a few minutes go by before she grabs takes my arm and pulls it over her so I'm cuddling her
>we both know the other is awake but waiting for the other to do something
>I told her before hand I wouldn't do anything since she was married
>eventually I can tell she is getting impatient, she starts rubbing and squeezing my arm
>I held her a little tighter is all and she suddenly turned and kissed me
>we end up making out and groping each other for a while before she stops, pulls her shirt down and without a word turns over and goes to bed
>we talk about it the next day
>I tell her I don't want to do anything if she is still married
>she tells me that she already wants a divorce and is going to file for one when her husband comes home
>I still say no and things are left at that, for a while
>a couple weeks later, the beginning of December and she goes on a small vacation to see family
>gets into huge fight with husband over the phone and then comes to see me afterwards
Cont..

>>726787120
I will ask her out to the dance, thank you for you're time.

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>>726787250
Go on...

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Something that's been on my mind a lot lately:

I was born in the nineties and from what I've observed of people my age is that we've all experienced an oversaturation of culture. People my age don't have the "I've got it all figured out" attitude, like older people have told me they had when they were my age, but more like a "There's nothing *too* figure out" mentality. Like we're all 80 years old and looking back on our lives and saying "I did it," when in reality we haven't even scratched the surface. I'm a decently smart dude, not super smart. I'm of average attractiveness, average everything basically, but I suffer from a huge case of choice paralysis when it comes to choosing a major or having a plan or deciding what I actually want to do in life, and A LOT of people my age are in the exact same predicament. I hope there's an older anon that can say they had the same thoughts in their early twenties, but even if not, I just hold on hope that I figure something out. I don't want to work in call centers for the rest of my life.

>>726787403

Our time is eachothers. Good luck.

>>726787411
Where the fuck did you get that picture of me!

>>726786950
na not an exchange student, more like an international student that doesn't want to go back and hates under the same roof as his father. Yeah there is but I think I have a personal problem since whenever I go there and talk, I just receive awkward responses. So I stopped going there since my self-esteem was going lower and my anxiety was increasing

If anyone has a reason to quote (Kill them selfs) i think it'd be me. I've lost both of my parents in less than a year and a half and lived in a group home for 6 Months. Then after that i moved into a foster home but the foster parent had me there just for the money. I now live in a semmi deccent foster house so im better now still have problems like anyone else.

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>>726787630
i found it one day, and liked it so I kept it on my computer, just so i could post it today.

OCD man.
i love learning. i love academia. i fucking love programming and reading and fishing and math. but everytime i do something i get so anxious i just repeat what i'm doing over and over until i can no longer feel the anxiety, except it never works and i know it's dumb af but i can't stop. it ruins everything i do.
>try to work on school project
type code. delete code. type code. delete code. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. suicide? most likely. fuck my brain.

>>726786950
Please continue making this kind of threads. I appreciate them a lot.

>>726787012
Yeah, exactly.

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I've been resting my hopes on finding a girl that will take away this feeling of hopelessness but the more I think about it the more I think I'm seriously misguided.
Is my life shit because I won't make it better myself? Is life really just shit and everyone is settling? Was I just raised to be a loser?

>>726787594
Write your choices on a piece of paper close your eyes and pic randomly. If you don't enjoy it close your eyes and do it again. It's better than not deciding at all. I'm 23 I have no clue what u wanna do with my life. I'm also a depresed loser though so...

>>726787594
Interesting. I was born in '89 and I see where you are coming from. I feel that some people have the "i've got it all figured out" attitude, but not even most.

Maybe it has something to do with us being in the information age? If we have a question we can just google it..We're very independent as far as questions go.

Could you elaborate on the 80 years old part?

Also, it's extremely natural to be curious about your major or what you want to do in life
..I changed my shit like 5 times before I settled down. several people do several times.

>>726787724
Practice makes perfect. Just put yourself out there more often. Maybe instead of international clubs, how about a club of something you're actually interesting in? Video games, programming, books, etc. The great thing about college is there is always some other asshole who is interested in what you're in.

Where are you from, if I may ask?

I feel like every second I spend playing a video game or watching Netflix is wasted time. I can't quite enjoy media anymore, it just depresses me now

>>726787864
Lol well I saved it also thanks :)

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>>726787250
>tells me she's sure she wants a divorce and how much she loves me and wants to be with me
>at this point we've been talking for months and act like a couple already over texting
>for the first time in my sad existence I am in love with someone I truly care about and can trust with anything
And I mean anything too, I told her about shit I never thought I would be able to tell anyone
>we end up fucking on Christmas eve
>her anniversary
>we fucked and passed out while her husband called over and over to apologize and tell her happy anniversary
>over the next month I would be happier than I ever had been in my life
>have never felt anything like loving someone and being loved back
>we talk on the phone and spend as much time together as we possibly can
>one morning when she calls me she sounds sad and tells me she's sorry
>she sounds like she's in tears being be that she talked with her husband for hours the night before and she decided to try and work things out when he came back
Greentext is becoming tedious
Im heartbroken, he comes home, depresses the shit out of her and then they moved. Now a month later she is still texting me and talking about how she wants to be with me. I'm just confused by this whole thing, I do love her and want to be with her but I feel so fucked over too. Here's what happened this morning and why I feel like shit tonight

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>>726788323
Thanks for letting me vent /b/

>>726788060
well I'm in a programming club so at least that gets me into talking to one person every week. Let's just say I'm from Africa

>>726787826
My absolute condolences for your parents. I don't know what I'd do if I lost both of them with such as short span. My mother is a court reporter for family court and she comes across cases similar to what you're talking about quite often. It's a sad, sad song, but there are great things ahead. My grandmother was an orphan and she went on to have a family of her.

>>726787868
Do you feel your anxiety is your fear of possibly not actually learning something, and maybe just learning the routine of it?

>>726787923
I will happily continue.

>>726787983
It's strange living only one life that we are aware of and having to have an opinion about what "other people" do or thing or should be. A girl won't be the solution to all of your problems, but there will come a time, without even realizing, that things are happening for your better.

Why do you feel your life is shit? Why do you feel you're a loser?

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>>726788457

>>726788111
I know what you mean. Are you doing those things to prevent you from doing something "productive" like studying or finishing something?

>>726788457
Thank you for venting. That's a terrible situation for you, her, and her husband. I commend you for at least trying to push away for her being married, but ultimately you knew she was married and this was a possibility. That isn't me blaming you, but that is me saying you knew ahead of time of the potential of what could happen. unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier.

She is trying to move on and get good with her husband and rightly so. Loneliness makes saints into sinners. I feel the best thing would be to just stop talking to her. Explain your feelings to her as you have, but you ultimately have to tell yourself the truth that is this can't happen. She's trying to make it work, and it would be terrible for you to get in the way of two people trying to correct their marriage. You'll find someone who makes you feel the same way she did.

>>726788458
That's awesome. Keep at it!

>>726788475
i have this overwhelming fear that i'll never be as good as i can be. i feel like i could always do better. no matter how hard i try to see the good in things i always see the bad. my stepdad died a few days ago and while everyone was reminiscing over the good times i could only think of the times i was a dick to him.

>>726788111
I agree with this feeling. video games and netflix just don't do it for me, anymore. but spring is just around the corner, and gardening season is upon us.

>>726788111
>>726788823
Yeah I guess that's part of the reason, but I always feel as if I could be doing something to better myself in the time I waste with media.

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>>726788475
I feel like my life is shit because I can't really enjoy anything. Food, games, movies, social event--all seem like more work than fun. I traded all of that for the math and science, the only things I really like, but it didn't make the emptiness go away. My life has even less meaning than other people's lives, way less than I would've wanted. That makes me a loser.

I thought if I could find a girl to love--a girl to love me--I could finally have the satisfaction I can't find anywhere else.
I know I'm depressed and my brain chemistry is fucked, I even think I know why, but does that mean I'm wrong?

>>726788034
Hell yeah. Bout to be 22, myself. "Depressed loser" is definitely the way I look at myself too. I've been given that advice before but never really tried it. Thanks for the tip. If anything, a direction to go in is better than no destination at all. I wish you the best of luck.

>>726788060
The information age likely has a lot to do with that, I think. The explosion of communication has definitely allowed for all ideas to travel far and wide. art, information and culture are available at the fingertips these days and our minds are constantly exposed to direct and indirect messages from others.

I suspect I didn't really explain that well. What I mean is that older generations tend to pass on information that's helpful to younger people to help them avoid the mistakes they made when they were younger. My guess is that the whole "embrace the absurdity of life" thing has passed down to even the youngest of people. Maybe it's better that we at our age take life a little too seriously so that we have a comfortable place to finally say nothing really matters. Maybe that frustration and tunnel-vision is necessary for survival. I dunno.

>>726789122
That's a common feeling. Would you consider yourself a perfectionist? I'm sorry about your step father. Everyone can be a dick to eachother.

>>726788823
Its just frustrating when I tell her I want save to try and move on and she keeps talking to me. I want her to figure out her marriage before she thinks about us as a couple. Thanks again for listening, as nice as it is to get it out in the one somewhere I could never tell anyone in rl about this

>>726779894
hey guys im tripping acid right now ask me whatever

>>726779894
I'm currently depressed and losing faith in humanity and God, if God even exists.
It's easy when things are going right to believe that God is around and looking out for you, but when things go wrong and continue to go wrong, you start to wonder.
Sometimes I'm not even sure "reality" is real. It seems like Earth is a prison planet of bullshit.

>>726789188
When are you using the media? After work? studies? all day? etc?

>>726789212
Being a different kind of person with different priorities doesn't make you a loser. You seem to enjoy math and science which is something I and everyone can respect considering you act on it.

Just try to push off and take a deep breath. Go out and have a beer with friends. Talk about math and science and programming and everything else. Connect with old acquaintances. No, you aren't wrong. You strive for these things and you know you want them - but the things you want in life exist outside of your comfort zone.

>>726789291
Ahh, i see what you mean. I think each of us making a mistake, as I and everyone else so often does, lets us explain to others how to prevent it.. Life's funny in the sense that I could have literally been told to do everything *this* sort of way, but I would have still fucked up because I "knew better".

>>726779894
Does religion make people into retards?

>>726789582
No questions here, just have a safe trip and don't forget to drink plenty of water. Happy travels, fellow time-traveler!

>>726789393
I respect you more than you know. Seriously. She needs to stop texting you and communicating with you somehow. That's litearlly reopening old wounds and doesn't progress anything. There isn't anything that has been said already or could be said that could fix the situation until she figures her shit out.

Alternatively, and I'm sorry for saying this, but do not wait around for her or even remotely expect a "we broke up, let's date" type of text.. Don't push your life in the direction of her choices.

>>726789589
God is an enigma to all of us, even those of us who don't believe in him. I was an atheist for several years, and bad times brought me to belief - but that's a differerent story I am uncomfortable about sharing unless pushed upon. I don't want to drop my shit on anyone else unless explicitly asked.

The only advice I can really give in your situation is to keep pushing and keep going. Explore faiths, and keep an open mind.

>>726789330
i don't consider myself a perfectionist. i don't care about being "perfect". man idk i guess i just hone in on everything i've ever done wrong and think about how much better everyone would be off if i never intervened. i just feel so out of place, like i can't belong anywhere. it's weird but i feel bad for anyone who's had to interact with me. it makes me so fucking anxious like i'm a roach trying to crawl out of this skin.

fuck man i need help.

>>726789767
No. But like any other motive, it can be used to make people retarded.

>>726789931
Good guy.

>>726790094
I highly doubt everyone would be better if you had never intervened. You've positively impacted my life in knowing there are actually other people out there in this day and age in love with math, science, and programming. Seriously. Subtly is beauty.

I think you do need help in the sense of just self esteem. You're worth more than you thing. You're your own narrator in the sense that you can pick and choose things to describe and measure yourself with. Sort of like an ex girlfriend, When it's over - you think only of the good things and none of the bad.

>>726789741
That's fair. Reality's got this funny way of always making an ass out of you, one way or the other. I've learned to laugh at myself in my own maniacal (and probably disconcerting to others) kind of way. Hahaha. Thanks for being real, /b/ro. Hope you have a good rest of your night/morning.

>>726790319
Life is a strange thing, and I am thankful for it being so weird. Some stranger than others. Goodnight, and best of luck!

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>>726790062

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>>726790105
>be me
>got bullied at one point in my life
>beat bullies psychologically
>feelsgud.html
>still feel empty
>go to /b/ to feel better

Got any other tips to feel better?

>>726790537

I don't understand. :(

Good movie, though.

>>726790552

What makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing? That's what you should do as long as it's for the good of people.

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>be me
>socially awkward
>Super into this qt3.14
>can't even ask her for contact info because I'm beta as fuck
>dude comes in and almost immediately befriends her
>they're super close but not in a romantic relationship
>try to imagine how things could still work for me

I haven't thought about this in a week or so. Motivated to get my life on track. Am I doing the right thing anons?

>>726789188
>>726789741
I'm using it essentially during all the free time I have in between work and school.

>>726790690

Push for a better life even when your life is great! Talk to the girl, go outside your comfort zone.

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>>726789741
Thanks for the advice, anon. I never considered that I might be drawing lines around myself. But I still don't know where to start. I haven't had a real friend in six years. I don't think I ever knew how to connect with people. I'm trying to find people who feel the same as I do (looking at clubs in uni) but it seems like no one gives a shit. I know I haven't met enough people but what happens when my pool runs out? What do I do when I find out there's nothing I can do to escape isolation? More importantly, what have I been doing wrong all these years, what am I still doing wrong, and how did it get this bad?

>>726790801

You're working and going to school. You deserve a rest and require one. If you feel it's impeding on your to better yourself. (You're playing video games while you should be studying, blowing friends off to play games, etc) then it's maybe time to take a break from them.

>>726790880
I would love to form a close relationship with her but I really don't think it's worth it. I'm not in terrible shape at the moment but if I don't start eating better and/or working out then I'm going to be some fat fuck for the rest of my life. I think I should prioritize health and try to preserve my future.

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>>726790647
>have a classmate
>seemed like a good faggot
>literally a faggot
>respected him for the 1st semester
>skip to 2nd sem
>people start to hate his personality
>friends keep bugging me about it
>i say nothing so conflict wouldnt arise
>skip a few months
>that fag is being despised by the whole class
>me and my circle of friends make fun of him, but we never say it to his face
>fag has no one to talk to

Should i feel bad? I mean he does have a bad personality

>>726790959

Baby steps! Take a little extra time to be extra nice to the cashier, polish your social skills by assisting others or doing small things like going out of your way to help others. These things sound stupid, but they really really do help and make you feel better about yourself and give you more confidence.

You're in university, so I assume you're around people quite often. Do you converse with them at all during class? Just subtle agreements with them about dumb shit goes a long way to establish a paved way to find common ground. Even if you're not into certain things, go out of your way to get involved with others.

>>726791187
I've been in the exact same situation anon. What things has he done that make people hate him?

i feel no real connection with anyone and i'm not really happy with being alive and i'm not sure how to change either of those things.

>>726790062
>but do not wait around for her or even remotely expect a "we broke up, let's date" type of text.. Don't push your life in the direction of her choices
This what I want to avoid, she just keeps dragging me back into it when she calls me and crys about how big of a mistake she made. In Amy case she said she would leave me alone and so far she has, I feel like she'll call or text me again in a few weeks time

>>726791038

You're absolutely right. You should prioritize your life. What's sexier than a person bettering him or herself?

You don't need to be fucking her or dating her within a week. a subtle hello or nod here and there can help you out get to know her..When she sees you losing weight and bettering yourself, she'll respect that.

>>726791187

What sort of a bad personality? Always show people courtesy initially and never talk about people behind their backs. It says a lot about your own personality.

>>726791422

You don't relate to others about common interests?

>>726791424
You need to take more drastic measures if she texts you. Delete her number or even flip out and stand your ground. With that being said, I think it's important that I say again I respect you for doing the right thing.

>>726790250
yeah i know, it's just hard to accept. i understand that realistically i'm not hated by every single person i make eye contact with, but the thing is i can't shake the thought. like it just keeps hitting me to the point i'll start to believe it. and i understand it's crazy and i'm being autistic as shit.

even my family looks at me like i'm weird and it makes me even more nervous. gives me these weird tics.

>>726791536
i have friends that i play video games with but i feel that if i disappeared they would just move on. no real connection with them besides enjoyment of playing games together. odd relationship with them

>>726791536
>You need to take more drastic measures if she texts you
That's sort of the reason I even posted here tonight, I've been trying to avoid telling her to basically fuck off until I texted her
>>726788457
And felt like an asshole about it after she replied. I don't want to hurt her I just want to stop being hurt. I think I'm just going to ignore her next time if I can
This situation feels so fucked, why did the first person I fall in love with have to be married

>>726789931
thank you! sorry im replying so late lol played a game of league

>>726791825
That isn't crazy. It seems like an intrusive thought that needs therapy or specialized help to assist you shake those awful, false feelings.

>>726791836
Have you tried to go out with them or try different things other than video games to establish a deeper connection?

>>726792052
You don't deserve to be hurt, and neither does she. But a firm "Hey, look. I'm serious. We need to break this thing off" is very necessary and must happen. You're a nice guy and doing the right thing.

I'm sorry for your situation and it's heart breaking, but time helps everything. I promise you.

>>726791251
You're right. I'll keep those suggestions in mind. I met some people in my classes but I don't really interact with people anywhere else. I want to believe that anyone I walk past could be my new best friend but I can't ignore all the awkward silences I've had because no one can talk to me about science even if they wanted to (I spend a lot more time and money on it because it's my only hobby), plus I can't make friends with everyone I see. That's why I opted for clubs, very narrow section of the population likely to have STEM bros in it. This is an on-going process so I haven't given up yet but I'm afraid the real reason I feel so alone is because I don't really belong anywhere. How can I be sure that I'm not my own worst enemy when there isn't really anyone else to blame for my misery?

>>726792173
you's right anon, i should probably look into some sort of therapy. thanks for being here. good luck out there.

>>726792349
The awkward silences does suck, but that's where the dumb agreements come into play. You can kind of break the ice with those. Brush up on some social skills by reading "ice breaking" conversations, etc.

I've found that the engineering building computer labs have a huge amount of people who are willing to talk just casually or getting to know. Maybe study or work on stuff in there. Maybe ask if someone next to you can let you borrow a pencil or even say "Hey, sorry to intrude..but what you're doing looks pretty intense..What is it?" and get to know them.

You do belong somewhere. You're fine. You just need to break the ice. The only thing I can tell you is to make sure your hygiene is fine, no bad breath, chew gum, etc. Don't give anyone a reason to not immediately not talk to to you over silly, preventable stuff.

>>726792173
i met them playing games and they all live relatively far from me so, but yeah i feel like i can't talk about personal things with them i guess. i've never really had a deep connection with anyone so i'm not sure how to go about things like that

>>726792559
Thanks man. You too. Just look into it. Maybe even post on a help subreddit or something. There are several people that have instrusive like thoughts and there are tons of ways to get help with it.

>>726792725

Ahh, gotcha. Like online buddies I assume? If you go to school or work or something maybe try to pursue a conversation with those people? Even little things like a smile, an agreement about something, or even maybe ask for a pencil or pen to get the ball rolling? People are worth getting to know.

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Apathy
Depression

Hey everyone, OP here. It's about 5 in the morning where I live, so I have to go to bed. but I wanted to extend my luck to all of you with problems or simply just things on your chest. I thank you all for venting in my thread and I ask that you all offer your ear to others in the future. I hope and pray this thread at least helped someone in need.

>>726792663
I'll give it a go. Thanks again, man. Have good weekend.

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I was an autistic faggot in high school and this cute girl was into me im pretty sure in hindsight. She always tried to talk to me and be around and me and shit and I just ignored her lol. But now she goes to same college as many years later and I think about messaging her on Facebook I made when I was an autistic 14 year old and chatting her up and hanging out but I'm a beta bitch. What do

>>726794971
Worst-case scenario she tells you to fuck off and you two forget about each other a week or two later. You've go nothing to lose. Take the chance, prepare, and believe in yourself.