Let's get some of those classic /b/ stories in here. I'll

>>726716263
Hello /b/,

I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

>>726716381
As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

>>726716524
I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

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I'm a rather boring individual so I'll just leave OP with some stories I collected.

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>>726716800

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>>726716929

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>>726717021

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>>726717077

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>>726717141

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>>726717189

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>>726717233
final for now
go outside

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>>726716800
>>726716929
>>726717021
>>726717077
>>726717141
>>726717189
>>726717233
Keep it up this shit is making my day so much better lmao

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bump
pls post more

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Pool is closed due to stingrays with aids

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▲
▲ ▲i like harambe

>>726718458
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>>726718663
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>ctrl v

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>>726717433
I'll try, but don't expect quality, this is feeding on emergency material.

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>>726719413

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>>726719498

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>>726719598

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>>726719757

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>>726719805

im doin the alt+032 and all that but it still doesnt work :(

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>>726719890

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>>726719947
final frontier
I have more but I have to prepare them for it to be grande
So nothing more in this thread sorry

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on laptop but ill post what i have. love these threads.

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>>726720837

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>>726720888

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>>726720977

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>>726721084

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>>726721194

>>726716263
bump

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>>726721381

>>726719757
fucking hell that shit got into my heart

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>>726721463
any requests? turns out i spend too much time here.

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>>726721666

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>>726721755

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>>726721812

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>>726721870

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>>726721963

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>>726722132

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>>726722187

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>>726722267

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>>726722346
am i uploading these in vain is anyone lurking

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>>726722434

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>>726722503

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>>726722555

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>>726722644

>>726722187
>4 years later
try again?

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>>726722704

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>>726722764
>>726722812
lmao please do

>>726722434
You're doing a good job

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>>726722925

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>>726722986
>>726722946
thanks m8 ill keep dumping then

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>>726723094

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>>726723183

Kek 16 fags posting here, and 16 o fthem are friday cucks, KYS the lot of you!

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>>726723245

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>>726723350

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>>726723319
>>726723309
>friday cucks
what are you talking about also kys faggot

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>>726723422

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>>726723519

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>>726723595

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>>726723694

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Martial Artist Shit

>Do shitty karate at like 7
>non contact basic white people school mandated bullshit
>Quit and do Tae Kwon do
>got jewed because it was the same shit as before
>Get big head
>Think I'm good
> go to intermartial tournament
>get fucked by Muay Thai guy
>Negative keks

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>>726723763

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>>726723854

>>726723519
this is a pretty solid update. better than most patches i see on games i play

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>>726723945
two more then im out. bored.

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>>726724030

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>>726723422
So what?
You saved some shit you've seen on /b/
Congrats big Boiiii.
Your mum's callling you for fish & chips.
Piss off

>>726722434
im here

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>>726724114
peace out bitches

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>>726724157
your mother will die in her sleep tonight.

>>726724432
Not again.
Can't afford 20 funerals/day
Is your mum gonna die in her sleep though?

>>726724654
no ive got immunity dog

>>726719757
This one get's me every time

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>>726724432
Goodnight fag