*THIS IS AN OFFICE THREAD* "Cathy? Has anyone seen Cathy?

"Chris call line one Chris call line one."

I can't take this shit anymore.

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>>725697249
cathy isn't coming back.

This is a very stable work environment. I appreciate the predictable pay, and the ergonomic work stations

Hey calvin can you forward me the earnings reports? Rob wont stop bugging me for them

Sometimes I wish I could stand up at my desk, but I realize that I'm lucky to have a job at all, so I don't make a big deal about it. Today I'm going to eat lunch at my desk so that i apart busier than I really am

Can someone tell me why they didn't refill the coffee maker? Why does it always come down to me?

>>725698045
We'll, you're the new guy. At least you're not Ted, be happy about that

I swear to God Cathy has it out for me. She won't let me have my own supply room key even though we're both members of the paper and printers committee

>>725698162
That is true. Where is Ted right now anyway? Is he still filing downstairs?

How fucking hard is it to put paper in the fucking photocopier?

Yo Frank, we have to re-do the Per Diem quotes we gave out to the last group in North and South Caroline, shit's all fucked up. Fucking accounting gave us the wrong bill rate.

So, who else here has fucked Veronica?

>>725698443
It's Jen. I have seen her left the copying room with that look on her face. Everyone afterwards complains something is wrong with it.

Silk screen shirts ARE business casual as long as they have a collar

Justin, this doesn't look like a quote. It needs to be an actual quote or AP won't take it.

Did you guys see the funny joke I emailed to you. Pretty funny right. My son sent it to me, kids these days

I'm sorry sir, you can't come in here without an appointment. If you want to see one of our staff you need to book in advance.

yeah I'm really considering that Bentley, got pretty good mileage and my complex has a garage
hoping we dont get fucked on the bonus

>>725698689
I know right? I didn't know half of the things kids know these days. Some of them are going to be born with computers in their hands.

>>725698689
haha, is that from SNL? I love SNL

>>725698510
Hey, It's Brad From HR. I wanted to confirm you got my email about our upcoming sensitivity training session

>>725698893
Hey Brad, it's Calvin is it still at 3:45? I might have to miss it.

>>725697634
That's chinky not kathy

seriously, whoever keeps taking pens from my desk needs to stop, the 6 packs are not cheap.

>>725698461
Jeffery! watch your language, this is a professional atmosphere!
dont make me write you up again

Bob, stop molesting the receptionists, we can't afford the legal fees each time they quit and sue us for sexual harassment!

>>725699026
Hi Grant, you can use my pen. Best of luck with that new client, I heard she's a real piece of work.

The new guys are pathetic, can't even meet the minimum daily call time quota. Out of the 4, only 1 is surviving. They need to can the rest.

Oh boy o boy o boy I sure love coffee. Haha I am so addicted I couldn't go without my daily cup a Joe that's for sure

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*Quiet coworker reaches into his backpack*

Sh-shit shit shit how is this on my terminal computer!? *furiously alt f4s*

>>725698893
Got it, deleted it, fucked Veronica over the photocopier. I was sensitive the whole time, honest Brad - and I didn't cum on her blouse.

>>725699008
This session is not optional. You can show up on time or you can be suspended without pay.

>>725699302
Hey Billy what you got there?

I asked for a Blackberry, and I get a box of raspberries? Jill, you need hearing aids.

>>725699083
S-sorry Mr. Ward, it's just that me and Frank stayed 2 hours later after hours working with these... Won't happen again sir.

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>>725697249

Cathy can suck on deez nutz hoe

>>725699266
I brought my radio from home guys. You guys don't mind, right? I'll just keep it on really softly

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>>725698510
i havent technically, shes just touched my dick while making out with brian at the christmas party.
i just ended up watching her getting rammed from behind. blew my load too soon, but damn she can put on a show. I aint even mad.
maybe ill do her this year if the timing is right. you just gotta catch her at the right moment. shit maybe brain can spot me. hell, ill buy them both dinner if its as good as it looked.

>>725699266
*loud noises at cubicle A-27*
*everyone turns around*

>>725699428
Is it? I didn't see it on the memo. I will have to have the wife video tape my daughter's play. She's not going to be happy.

>>725699503

Nothing...

>>725699503
Nothing just stocks. *hides the screen with a guy getting a severe pounding from behind*

>>725699612
I imagine she's even less happy about you and Veronica

Well, Bob, pack your belongings. You're fired!

>>725699604
>Kathy's electic teakettle has boiled over
>It got in the wall socket
>lights dim just enough to notice

>>725698389
You should have won your race for Chair of that committee

>>725699864
It was one time! We were both working late. Veronica was practically all over me and I tripped.

>>725699864

She's the office bike, and after I gave it to her, she's got a flat tire.

Honestly? Ever since Dean went management, he's been treating the rest of us like dirt.

WHO THE FUCK ATE MY LUCH!? It was in the fucking fridge and it had my fucking name on it!!!

>>725699960
*furiously jam penis inside wall socket*

Great... the water cooler is empty again. Where the hell is Ted?

>>725699399
Which Veronica? The busty milf or the 19 year old plain looking intern?

I used to fucking jerk it to everythig with nice tits and ass even cartoon, anime, and videogame characters but now i can barely jerk off even to the sexiest of porn stars and anime wives. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I can't figure out if i have a weird fetish i haven't discovered yet. Either way I'm really depressed and I cvan't geven get hard with my girlfriend. im not gay either, i actually legit tried jerking it to dude porn the other day to see if i was gay, but i was soft as fuck and then i tried watching like the weirder shit like scat porn or somethign to see if i iw wass into that but i wasnt. it sucks ass i can't jerk it. when i was a kid itd be so easy for me to jerk it just to women wearing halter tops and i dreamed of dating a sexy ass girl one day that i could fiuck everyday. well now i have a gf, and we used to fuck eery day now i fuck like once every month or so and she's so enthusiastic but im sitting here like a fucking manchild and cant get my dick hard. why is my sex drive garbage? I cant even get it off to my favorite anime rule 34 porn anymore. no fetishes are working, i jerk off and it feels like work. i havent jerked off and felt good about it in over two monthys. every 2-3 times per week i do it it still feels like work fuck this shit. fuck my wonky sex drive and fuck my stupid brain chemicals that dont work properly an dmost of all fuck my penis for going soft when i want the stupid motehrfucker to get hard. tahat stupid bastard is at best a 5-incher and at worst a soft 3 incher. piece of shit ungrateful bastard even after i got a girlfriend. now i just eat her pussy but i cant fuck her liike in my favoirte porns.

at least i got good at licking vaginas

>>725698045
>>725698162
>>725698389
>>725698510
Everyone! Please head to the Conference room!
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QmS1qoPHnN
-Bryan from H.R.

>"Cathy? Has anyone seen Cathy? She has the quarterly reports and they were due this morning!"

This literally never happens. You've never worked in an office.

Reasons why this doesn't happen:

A. Departments compete for funding and pay. You never publicly advertise what someone does.

B. Cathy always has a replacement in a clutch. It Cathy missed a deadline then she was fired and the other person submitted (likely via access to their hard-drive).

C. You never report extra/unique roles to people of the same team. You'll have them calling favortism, demanding more "duties" in hopes of promotion, etc. when in reality Cathy is the one with the least amount of life to detract from work.

Source: Branch Mgr for a Fortune 500/Top 50 corporation.

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Friendly memo.

Dr. Tobbogann will be here next Tuesday for the yearly company physical. He hopes to see less hamsters in peoples buttholes this year

>>725700349

I'm sorry, but did PVV already lose? Oh, that's right. The elections arent even over yet. In fact, only the exit poll is out. Does not having the lead at the exit poll count as a loss? Is that what you're saying? Because if you're saying that I can assure you that you're wrong. Why would you make this topic when the elections are still on? PVV are still getting votes right now and they have been the best political party for white peolpe in the Netherlands for how many years now? They're against one of the worst cucked political parties in this country who just happen to have a lead because they're feeding off the energy of turks and libtards in a thursday night election. But you know what? They still fucking suck. PVV are one of the best fucking political parties in the continent, they got 15 seats the last elections and would of won if cuck culture wasn't so popular. Maybe you should shut the fuck up before you make retarded topics like this. You know why? Because you're going to be embarrassed when PVV wins and someone bumps this topic. Oh look at that, VVD got only 31 predicted when they got 10 more the last elections. Are you a fucking drunk? Are you retarded? Are you autistic? You are a fucking idiot and you should never make a topic on this board again and I'm fucking serious. I almost have a feeling you're the only guy making all these KEK topics because you're a faggot hater who doesn't like white people because they're good. Fuck you, be good at something in YOUR life and then maybe try to troll these fucking political parties on the board, like I give a fuck. It's so easy to spot out your threads now, you're a retard. Always doing stupid shit like this. Why don't you try to be a good poster? Just for once? For once in your fucking life try not to make a topic like this. That's just you, you're always right at getting it wrong. Fuck you. You are nothing.

>>725700349
Crap. *stacks unfinished work in the corner of the desk*

>>725700349
Bryan, Tyrone didn't come in today. He called in sick.

>>725700455

You have no fucking clue

>>725700098
I know, right? I literally cannot stand him constantly going up to people and reminding them how to do their job whenever he gets a chanc- oh shit! he's coming this way...

I'm sick of hiding my flags , sick of having my art exhibits trolled , sick of nazis and sick of this website . Shut the fuck up. I'm so tired of being disrespected on this goddamn website. All I wanted to do was post my opinion. MY OPINION. But no, you little bastards think it's "hilarious" to mock those with good opinions. My opinion. while not absolute, is definitely worth the respect to formulate an ACTUAL FUCKING RESPONSE AND NOT JUST A SHORT MEME OF A REPLY. It boils me up that I could spend so much time thinking and putting effort into things while you shits sit around and make fun of the intellectuals of this world. I've bored you? Good for fucking you. Literally no one cares that your little brain is to underdeveloped and rotted to comprehend my idea...MY GREAT GREAT IDEA. I could sit here all day whining, but I won't. I'm NOT a whiner. I'm a realist and an intellectual. I know when to call it quits and to leave the babybrains to themselves. I'm done with this goddamn site and you goddamn immature children. I have lived my life up until this point having to deal with memesters and idiots like you. I know how you work. I know that you all think you're "epik trolls" but you're not. You think you baited me? NAH. I've never taken any bait. This is my 100% real opinion divorced from anger. I'm calm, I'm serene. I LAUGH when people imply I'm intellectually low enough to take bait. I always choose to reply just to spite you. I won. I've always won. Losing is not in my skillset. So you're probably gonna reply "lol epik trolled" or "u mad bro" but once you've done that you've shown me I've won. I've tricked the trickster and conquered memery. I live everyday growing stronger to fight you plebs and low level trolls who are probably 11 (baby, you gotta be 18 to use 4chan). But whatever, I digress. It's just fucking annoying that I'm never taken serious on this site, goddamn. YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE NEXT FLAG OR IF YOU DO YOU WONT BE ABLE TO FIND IT !!!!

anyone wanna go to the new bar that opened up down the street? I hear they got some good steaks.

also, whos fucking veronica tonight? can i get next tuesday? I'll write the report for you for trade or buy dinner. Is it Brittney's turn? Did Britney get tuesday?

>>725698792
I know what you mean Jim. Have you heard of this dance called dap or was it dat. I don't know basically you look like you're sneezing into your elbows.

>>725698868
SNL is great. I love the new view videos they talk about

>>725700212
The intern. She's a fucking wild one - looks are deceiving.

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***Inter Office Memo***

It has been brought to my attention from more than one source that the standards of practice is not being followed in this office and that there has been a complete breakdown of operations. Henceforth their shall be not more use of language containing "fucking anyone over the copier," "molesting of receptionists," or any other such expressions.

Additionally all correspondence needs to be properly signed with you name and department.

Jacqueline in HR

>>725700995
Sneezing into their elbows? At least their using proper food safe rules *sensible chuckle*

Veronica sent me this in an email

"Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied"

What came first, Ranch or Cool Ranch?

>>725700455
Fuck off idiot - go and ruin a different thread with your killjoy ways.

*fucks around on laptop in server room*

>>725700720
Ummm...idk man, when I was on break I was looking through my social media and saw that Tyrone is with his baby momma at some mall...I mean, I don't wanna be a snitch but its the 5th time this month that he calls in sick and we have to cover for him...

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>pins nazi propaganda to the wall with thumbtacks
>starts screaming about the jews and how we must kill them to secure a future for the aryan race

WHO THE FUCK MESSED UP MY EXCEL SPREAD SHEET? I NEED TO PUT BACK MY FORMULAS AND FINISH MY MAIL MERGE IN WORD!

>>725701102
Internet may may craze move so fast. I just heard of the ice bucket challenge. Sounds like an excellent idea that the kids are getting into. It's good to see they are doing something for the community.

>>725701029

My god Jacqueline has a hot piece of ass. Oh how I would penetrate it from a variety of angles and positions. Just an exquisite piece of ass.

>>725701213
Hey Jim, I hope you're not busy, can you take a lot at- OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR ASSHOLE!?!?!?!?!

Hey guys - did you all get that text from Veronica? "Hey Rob, Calvin, Dave and Greg - I'm pregnant, and I have no idea who the father is. Have a great day!" What the fuck do we do now, guys?

>>725701577
Veronica was on her 2 week vacation in advance right?

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>>725701577
We kill the bitch.

>>725701577
We could just get her to sleep with that neckbeard John from accounting and pin it on him

>"get Steven Spielberg on the phone"

>>725701852
okay but who fuckin messed up my excel sheet? shit took me 20 minutes to do...

>>725701299
I saw him at Serious Coffee during my lunch break. I think we need to report him, he's dragging all of us down. If we lose him though we'll not be meeting our diversity quota.

Hey isn't it Debbie's birthday tomorrow. Who's going to bake the cake?

>>725701577
shes just fucking around. shes on birthcontrol according to greg.

btw can i fuck her tuesday night? I Think its Robs turn or Brineys, but ill do the client reports or buy dinner for trade.

speaking of reports, the people upstairs said to change the font to 23 because the new printers are installed.

>>725701442
I think it was that fucking intern. I swear I saw that prick exit your cubicle 20 minutes ago with a smirk on his face.

>>725701450
What is this ice bucket challenge about? I hope it's not like polar bear swims from our day.

>>725702026
I'd like to bake Debbie's cake.....I'd like to bake it good and hard.

>>725701213
hey Jim can you take a look at my computer? How to I update Adobe Acrobat?

>>725701949
I've been talking to a long lost cosousin in nigeria. I know right? You never know who you're related to. He said he owns a company that does exactly what we're looking for and if we just send him our data he will get his workers to do it for cheap!

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

>>725702087
THAT MOTHERFUCKER! gonna check on him tomorrow. can you work on your publisher work now so u can help me with him tomorrow

>>725701552
OH SHIT JASON! *pulls 3 Ethernet cords out of rectum* Uh I know this looks bad but it's not what you think. It's a trick to use your natural energy to increase the net wifi technical range of the internet so the computers will be faster.
>Believe me
>I'm I.T.

(drinking tea)

>>725702054
23? Is this the version for the visually impaired? Arial 11 is the company font, and that's it.

I was going to do Veronica and Britney on Tuesday, but the rash is back so better not.

>>725701949
So then we'll just have to hire a random nigger. So I guess that while I file the report you should go to KFC or Popeye's and find someone.

>>725702185
I had no idea you had Nigerian heritage, maybe that can fulfill the diversity quota we're lacking in the office. I say send away, we might benefit and get a promotion.

>>725702172
FOR THE 8TH TIME DAVID. DOWNLOAD IT. FROM THE SERVER. IN THE FILE NAMED "important Programs"

>>725702386
I see a lot of them hanging outside of KFC the one with the bars in the windows.

>>725702563
wait...david has his computer on safe mode lmao

>>725702223
I uhhh...I don't...I think I need to go talk to Janet from HR.

Hello guys! I am Panjeet, I am from Dallas. I am going to be managing workforce efficiency starting today!

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>>725701514

You email has been flagged and forward to the head the HR. We will need you to come by the office this afternoon to discuss a few things including mandatory enrollment in our safe workplace environment workshop.

Jacqueline in HR

>>725702600
Just bring back the wimpiest one you can find so that if he gets violent we can easily beat his ass.

>>725702352
Impact 23 for the advertisement i hear. The old fuck at the top said so.

Btw i just texted britney. You and rob have britney tuesday. I hear britney likes to peg. shes got an arsenal.

>>725702092
No no nothing like that. They just challenge three friends to dump ice cold water over their heads to raise money for AlS. The ice company must of been a good investment to get into. *slight chuckle* Has anyone got this new app called snapchat to work. I can only see the images for a few seconds then it disappears.

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS STEALING MY STICKY NOTES!?

I'VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH THIS CORPORATION. I DON'T NEED YOU AND YOU DON'T NEED ME. I'M LEAVING.

FUCK YOU BRYAN FROM HR AND FUCK KATHY AND FUCK VERONICA AND FUCK BRITNEY AND FUCK DAVID debbie your ok and happy birthday BUT FUCK THE REST OF YOU

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>>725702386

You need to stop by the office this afternoon to discuss your continued employment with this firm.

Jacqueline in HR

>>725703022
Alright, that way when management comes by they'll see we replaced one negro for another.

>>725703190

You have a purty mouth, it belongs around my cock

>>725703159
Tf did I do to you Howard? I gave you a free coke last week

>>725703159
We are on our way!

No time to pack you things sir we are gonna need you to come with us.

Brad
Security Chief

>>725703159
Don't speak so badly about Bryan you know I have had a crush on him for weeks.

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>>725703159

>>725702684
NO WAIT JASON! *grabs shoulder and whispers* listen that's not what I was doing. Dont tell anybody but the company is being attacked by hackers. I put them up my butt because it would stop their path. If I just unplug the cables and leave them on the floor the electrostatic trascurent would allow them to still get in. I had to insulate the cables with my colon.

>>725702609
How the hell did he do that? Hes only had access to his new workstation for 40 minutes. And 20 of those minutes where spent installing windows updates.

Um, guys....the FBI just showed up.

>>725703159
Calm done Mark. I was the one that borrowed them, i'm sorry. I used them to write funny things and stick them on Debbie's car because its her birthday.

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>>725703338

We will need you to come by the office this afternoon to discuss your enrollment in our safe workplace environment workshop. Enrollment is mandatory and not paid at your standard rate but is necessary for you continued employment with this firm.

Jacqueline in HR

>>725703063
What a clever idea! So good to see kids doing something productive for a change. My son is on Snapchat I'll have to ask him when I get home.

Fuck me jerry

>>725703604
jacqueline I know what you're been doing with dean after work. I have evidence.

>>725703190
Jackie yes, umm look, I hope...I didn't mean to come off as a racist...no...look I was just...I was just trying to help the company meet its diversity quota...i'm sorry I didn't realize what I was saying and I hope you know that I am a good person.

Where do all these sticky notes keep coming from? I have two packs of them on my desk already.

>>725700455
Bryan from H.R. here:
Kindly refer to this audio memo. Thank you.
-Bryan from H.R.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s01XPFEbRrYE

>>725703811
I'll back you up bro - I saw Dean balls deep in her ass in the stairwell after last Friday's office drinks.

>>725702989
Welcome Panjeet!

*sticks dick in drawer*
*slams it shut*

hi, im dick slammin danny. new to the office.

>>725703495
*struggles to remove hands from shoulders* look man I am getting VERY uncomfortable. Calm down, I think your schizophrenia is acting up again and we need to find you some help before things get ugly for both of us.

>>725703899
You need to contact Frank in ordering and supplies. I just deliver them to where the invoice tells me, i.e. they are gonna keep coing until this is fixed. FYI We get a new palette on Tuesday, so you might want to fast track your request, Jus Sayin'

Bill in Shipping

>>725703604
*Facebook Like*

Hey, someone left a perfectly good piece of cake in the refrigerator in the breakroom. Don't mind if I do.

>>725704120
Hi Frank, It's John again there is all kinds of sticky notes on my desk, and I just got two more this morning. Could you cancel my order on sticky notes?

>>725703899
For fucks sake, that fucking intern keeps messing up! First he deleting Mark's spreadsheet and now he's moving shit around.

>>725697249
*The phone rings*

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>>725703942

Thanks for clearing this up Brad.

Jacqueline in HR

>>725702504
>>725700349

Cathy here, finally got done with those QR, Brian can you please relax now, and o ya he may not look Nigerian but his cock does , and as far as Tyrone yes he has been stealing bikes but he has 6 kids to support that he knows of so please cut him some slack

>>725704198

>sticks dick in fridge before you close it
>dick gets slammed
>dick is bleeding

nobody touches dick slammin danny's food.

>>725703942
>Chews gum loudly while listening to the memo.

Poor Jacqueline she seems like a nice gal.

>>725704077
Jason, who's the one working I.T.? I think I know what I'm doing.

>>725704016
Hello Friend. Can you just clue me in as to what you do around here? Great! Thanks bud.

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>>725704051
Hi Danny,

This completes you short time with us here. Thank you.

Jacqueline in HR

>>725704304
I thought it was the intern! Thanks for clearing that up. Good thing we don't pay them.

>phone rings loudly.

>>725704198
Whoa, whoa, whoa buddy! I am saving that piece for Veronica.

>>725704364
>takes another bite of cake
Let me see that again.

>>725704304
Okay I'm emailing Ashley about this fucking intern...

>>725699908
you can't fire me if I kill myself! HA!

>>725704457

no it doesn't

>>725700108
Tyrone did it, I seentit!

>>725704517

>slams dick repeatedly with the fridge door

dont touch my fucking cake you nigger

>>725704544
Yeah? I'm on my way.

>hangsup

>>725704300
Hey John,

This is Bill in Shipping you just replied to my inial email, you need to find Frank, but honeslty I don;t even know where that guy is most of the time. Company gym?

Anyways, the shipment was moved up to this Friday, jus' thought you might wanna know that...yaaaa....

Well, good luck!

Bill
Shipping

>>725704505
Actually, I'm saving my piece for Veronica, if you know what I'm sayin'.

>>725700455
noone asked you nigger, the door is right there , get fucked fgt

>>725704421
*sweats very nervously* Jim...you work in accountin- no yeah, whatever you say. Now can you please stop blocking the door?

>>725704599
>finishes cake
Here, have some leftover icing.

Uh....not quite sure how to say this.
Ahem
Whoever took that baggy of white powder from my desk drawer, it's NOT cocaine. It's ant poison for the breakroom.

Whats up fellas it's Larry. I'm the new guy from the contract agency. My team leader should have sent some emails regarding my arrival. What kind of things you guys do on the daily? Or anything important i should know about?

Hey guys, it's the janitor, I know you guys don't give a duck about me but half the floor is on fire and there's a homeless man shiting on Jim's desk, I quit

Hey Danny, it's Veronica. I think there's a problem in the broom closet can you come and take a look at it with me?

>>725701126
well said

>>725704520
I doubt it will do any good, this intern is the nephew of the boss's sister's husband's friend.

>>725704748
HAH you say I have schizophrenia but you're the one saying I'm working accounting.
I'll let you out if you promise you won't tell anybody what I was doing in here. I don't want anybody freaking out about the hackers.

>>725704841
Didn't even know we had a janitor. You're obviously bad at your job. You won't be missed.

>>725704798
Hey, stop by my office later. I have a..welcome package that I need to...deliver to your wide-open..backdoor.

>walks down to the gym and peeks inside not sure what he saw.

Frank? What are you doing?

Danny,
$5,000 on my desk tomorrow or I tell your wife about Veronica.
Have a nice day,
Todd

>>725704976
*Rips off janitor outfit to reveal expensive suit* You're on undercover boss!

>>725704852
Hey Veronica, I heard you gave Jake the clap last week. Fucking whore.

*Saves Bryan's audio memo so she can take it home and listen to it later tonight*

*Once it's on her phone she pulls up her sweater sleeves past her fingers and brings her hands to her mouth*

Bryan...

>>725704692
Hey, that is a very disgusting thing to say buddy. Veronica is an outstanding worker and a fascinating woman. She also sings in the choir of the church I go to. I will not allow you to speak badly about her.

>>725704976
Well the homeless man would be securities job and I'm pretty sure I saw a naked Veronica smoking in the broom closet next to the paper while Danny walked out. Speaking of which where is Veronica?

>>725705204
Oh, she sings the gospel alright. She loves to say "Oh, God" a lot, if you know what I'm talking about.

>>725704016
If you hate our country so much Panjeet then why do you live here?

>>725705135
I didn't even fuck Jake he started crying as soon as I took my clothes off.

>>725697634
Is that bitch dead? Or just cumming really hard?

>>725705204
Oh please, she's fucked over 60% of the office. The office that's 45% female.
The only thing "church" about her is when she's yelling "OH GOD! I'M COMING! JESUS CHRIST!!" at the top of her lungs.

>>725704841
How the hell did he get into the I.T. room?! GOD DAMMIT I HAD MY LAPTOP ON MY DESK

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Sorry I'm late I uh...heavy traffic yeah...

>>725705339
Probably from the smell of that stank-ass pussy.

>>725697249
Wtf do we make here again?

>>725704969
*sweats even harder* Yes Jim, whatever you say man. It was wrong to doubt you and I know you had your reasons. Just please put away your pocket knife and lets forget this whole silly thing happened, okay?

>>725705101
Well i hated this job anyway. I hope you all die.

>>725705451
Memes

>>725704795
It's a damn good poison my nigga

>>725700108
You did fag lord, you just forgot that you did.

>>725705499
Oh look Tyrone decided to come back to work.

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>>725705204
Nigger he just did, what are you gone do bout it bitch?

>>725699012
dead.

>>725705499
It wasn't a joke. We need to get you to the hospital ASAP.
Would somebody call a fucking ambulance???

Ummmm, excuse me where's the bathroom?

>>725705451
I'm not really sure we just check billing statements. The price keeps going up but we all seem to be doing basic work and I haven't seen new business come in in months.

Hey Monica, would you like a coffe?

>>725705554
ey ey fuck ya man, be happy about me bringing diversity for this company

>>725705554
Well, it's the last we'll see of him.

>>725705554
No, he came back to the office. He's a lazy nigger who never works.

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>>725705612
On it boss

>>725705475
Alright, Jason. Just remember I have access to all you files. You know, the files that have your resume. The same resume that has your home address on it.

Also, what did you come in here for anyway?

>>725705633
Right this way
>shows you to his office

Back to back calls, who else is doing intake calls because I've been on this since lunch.

>>725703159
No one is stealing your stupid sticky notes. Why would anyone want your poor drawings of dicks?

>>725705612
Yeah sure.
Alright now why the FUCK did the company provide these shitty nokia phones? Mine just died. You'll have to get someone else to call i got more important things to do

>>725705318
>>725705403
Both of you need to need to watch what you are saying or I swear I will personally go to Jacqueline from HR and let her know about this. Veronica and I are dating and I will not allow anyone to tarnish her reputation.

>>725705747
I think it's too late. He stopped foaming at the mouth and don't ni...black people shit their pants when they die? Tyrone fucking stinks more than usual.

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our ceo just got replaced by a machine now what?

>>725705854
>nokia phone
>died
That's not a nokia then.

>>725705859
The only fuck I give is the one I gave her last night.

>>725705806
Well this is a weird restroom where's the urinal?

>>725705859
Tarnish her reputation as the office slut?

>>725700067
I'm gonna stop here, prolly won't get better than this

>>725705912
You're right. It's a nokai. Fuckin cheap chinese knock off

>>725704795
Whoever dies took your baggy of shit.

>>725705859
Dude, quite a few of us have tarnished her. I like a girl that has an open mind. Her ass, mouth and pussy are always open too.

>>725705859
you're such a sweet guy! by the way I have to meet some friends after work today

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>>725705868
I SAID I GOT IT FAM

>>725705968
>locks door
>unzips pants
On your knees, bitch.

>>725706008
Still better than those fucking Blackberries.
I already know what Stan is going to say, "Blackberries are state of the art and have little keyboards." Keyboards for baby hands.

Printer's jammed again.

>>725697471
oh, ok.

>>725706053
It was Tyrone.
But don't worry, >>725706069 said he'd take care of that ni...black person's body.

>>725705777
I just wanted to show you a video of Veronica getting pounded by Rob, Calvin, Dave and Greg at last night's office party.

>>725705554
So? Your face decided to come back to work and no one is happy about that.

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>>725706109
WAIT

Hello I've got a food delivery for Dean.

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>>725706069
Son of a bitch they got me on hold

>>725706109
Look I politely asked where the bathroom is but honestly you got a nice hog, maybe it wouldnt hurt if I licked just the tip of it for you

*drops to knees, opens wet mouth, stick out tongue*

>>725706231
Wow! Like I've always said, if anyone can take 4 dicks at the same time, it's Veronica.

>>725706065
Ok baby, do you know at what time you will be coming back home more or less?

>>725706339
I thought you were going to dump that ni...Tyrone's body?

>>725706231
Oh man, that's something I wanna see! I've been jerkin it to her Facebook photos for weeks back here.

>>725706368
>pushes dick in deep
fuck that, you're taking it all

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>>725706339
Wait I think they picked up!

YES HELLO!

>>725706414
That's none of your business

>>725706414
she'll be coming alright

>>725706213
Make sure the place you take him stores dead niggers. Not all places do that.

>>725706448
Wow, I guess there's someone in this office that Veronica HASN'T fucked yet.

>>725706484
I-i-i- never done this before, except when I was in Cuba last summer and I sucked off a 7 year old boy but nothing like this

>>725706561
> unzips dick

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>>725706492
GODDAMNIT, HANG UP THE PHONE!
I'll call someone else.

>>725706561
I've tried to ask her out but because I'm "I.T." she wont slob on my knob.

>>725706769
B-U-R-N
Damn dude, she even fucked that janitor.
Damn...

>>725706769
She can't slob on something she can't find.

>>725706536
Ok bab- is it okay if I keep calling you that? Are you going to need me to pick you up from anyone's house after your usual sleepover?

>>725703555
Figured that was next. I was at the shredder all night but I bet we're still fucked.

>>725706769
Bro, you don't even need to hold a conversation with her. Just show her what your bank account looks like and by the end of the day you will be busting your load inside of her, I promise.

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>>725706492
>>725706492
HIS NAME IS KI

>>725703555
Maybe you should not been downloading CP all day.

There is a fresh pot of coffee for anyone who wants it.

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>>725707141

>>725706165
Take your dick out.

GODDAMNIT!
It was bad enough that ni...Tyrone stole the ant poison from my desk...
Whoever stole my scotch, give it back now! It's a 50-year-old single malt and was expensive as fuck.

>>725707167
It was for research purposes!

EVERYONE TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM PLEASE!
-Bryan from H.R.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0nhI1z566Z4

>>725707167
>>725707296
Easy there, Pete Townsend.

>>725707214
Then don't mind if I add it to my coffee pot collection at home hahaha! *extends hand* Hello my name is Michael Wilkinson but my friends call me Mike.

>>725707296
Tell that to the FBI sir failalot

>>725707315
Office Wide memo!
If employees could please record a short and concise recording about things they like about the office via vocaroo, it would really help us bond!
Thank you!
-Bryan from H.R.

>>725707315
*Walks into the conference room shyly and sits in the back*

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>>725707383

Something tells me I'm going to be beating the shit out of this Mike. I hate smarmy smart asses like him.

>>725699244
kek

>>725707503
But what if it turns out you are Mike?

>>725697249
"Hey, guys, have you ever just thought of how stale our conversation is here? We all have people who we know are worse than us and we like to talk about that, and people who are better than us, and we like to talk about that too, but still negative, like they're neglecting their kids or something, and overall why is the topic in this break room always other people? Or TV shows?"

>>725707315
>mosquito coil fuse

Wasn't that on LA Noire?

>>725707443
Hello! Why don't you take a seat at the front? The meeting will begin in the next 15 minutes. There's celery and peanut butter snacks as well as unsweetened ice tea in case you are feeling hungry.

>>725707555
I'll like him plenty, once he's bleeding in the parking lot.

>>725707598
You're right. We need to stop talk about other people, and start talking about you. Like how much of a whore your wife is.

>>725706868
She prob got STDs to the max anyway
>>725706930
Dom I bet you'd like to find my dick
>>725707116
Even then she still doesn't care. I got my girl at home anyway

Wtf is happening to my computer it won't let me click anything and I have a ton of porn pics stuck on my screen. Shit, if I get caught again I'm definitely getting fired. Please IT I need your help... what? I don't care what your name is... come on you have to help me its your fuckin... WHAT THE FuCk did YOU Just Call me!?!?... no... you rot in hell you piece of shit....your nothing mor than a neckbearded virgin who watches child pornography All day... come fix my computer you autistic beta fuck.
>slams phone.
We should outsource our IT Will. These guys are freaks.

Hey everyone, I'm back from my ayahuasca therapy retreat. What did i miss?

>>725707684
>unsweetened iced tea
What the fuck?

>>725707711
>She prob got STDs to the max anyway
Somebody please introduce Veronica to Mikey.

>>725707751
CATHY FINALLY

>>725707684
*A little nervous that she was noticed.*

Thank you. *walks up to take one celery stick and tea then thoughtfully returns to a different closer seat*

>>725707775
Ok, I'll go get her. I was introducing her to my dick.

>>725707711
No thank you. Not even you want to find your dick.

>>725707763
Gotta watch my calori intake. I'm also avoiding gluten because WebMD says 4/5 people are allergic.

>>725707828
>walks by
>leans in close
"nice ass"

>>725707707
You can fuck right off, Bill, that was one time

>>725707751
Did you bring anything back to share with the rest of the class? Or do I need to call HR to arrange another 'random' drug screening?

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>>725700349

>>725707433
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0zSGlxWJHfa

>>725707688
But if you are Mike then you will be the one bleeding in the parking lot.

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>>725707962

>>725707901
*turns a little red looks back at who had said that, then looks to see if Bryan saw*

>>725707814
I'm no longer Cathy. My acronym is YL. The natives called me Yellow Leopard.

>>725707977
Ni...Jerome, are you blind? I'm Todd.

>>725707751
Today it rained buttholes for some reason. I was lucky to inside when it happened.

>>725708016
Not appreciating diversity will put you no notice. It's our strength at this office.

>>725707962
Thank you for submitting your response! We feel it's important to maintain a diverse group of people and ideas.

>>725708115
You're telling me. When I walked out of the cab I got soaked by a damn cyclist.

>>725708079
No your name is Mike. Did you forget? Also I am not dead you faggot

>>725707828
Hey, I noticed you forgot to put peanut butter on your celery stick let me help you out with tha- Oops! *purposely drops peanut butter all over crotch* You wanna help me out with this?

>>725708164
Y-you're welcome. *stares at you for too long* Oh, I should go back to work.

>>725708025
>walks by again
>shows you a pic of his dick on his phone
>winks
>walks away

>>725708274
I'll help you, always willing to help a brother out.

>Your crotch is suddenly rubbed by the biggest negro hands you've ever seen.

>>725708251
Ni...Jerome, I'm not Mike but you are close to being the next dead ni...black person today.

>>725708359
>>725708274
*Watches in surprise with a crumpled napkin in her hand*

>>725707962
Your response is greatly appreciated! Please enjoy this complimentary $5 gift card to Starbucks!

>>725707763
You can thank Mike. That fucker aggressively insisted that this was a much better and healthier alternative to the usual coffee and donuts.

>>725708435
*Takes it from you and looks at it* I'll get Cascara Latte tea with this.

>>725708398
Maybe you should try opening your eyes Mike and stop acting like a faggot.

(COMPANY WIDE EMAIL FROM JIM IN I.T.)

Good Afternoon, everybody.
I'm going to have to ask you to stop using any type of music streaming, auctions sites (ex: eBay), No pornography sites. Basically anything that uses up more bandwidth than it needs to.
This is because of safety precautions. Not because I'm mining Bitcoin like Thomas said I was.

>>725708359
Nah wait, Jamal, hold up bro I wanted >>725708424 to do it. Why you always cockblock a man trying to bust a nut?

-- MEMO --
TO: Employees
FROM: HR

Due to a resent increase in both seminal fluid in the mens urinals and the complaints that they cause, the janitorial staff has been given the authority to enforce a curfew in the mens bathroom. Bathroom partners will only be allowed in on minutes that are mutliples of seven to alleviate traffic. In addition, the urinals have been equipped with glass partitions in hopes that their users will help self govern the seminal fluid problem,

We have reason to suspect the same problem in the womens restroom, but we don't pay them enough to have them check. Please email Jude in HR with any information you may have.

>>725708730
Yo sorry dawg, I'm just eager to get the team player award this month.

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>>725708557
THAT'S IT NIGGER! YOU'RE DEAD!!!

>>725708557
Dear Mr. Jetson,

We believe in the highest forms of dignity for all employees here. Your recent comments have proven that you are no longer interested in persuing the idealistic goals we have set for this company. It is for that reason your employment here is terminated immediately with prejudice. Please pack your things and find your way to the door.

>>725708856
Who is the liberal fuck who keeps straghtening my staples, Im about to start carrying a handgun

>>725708557
Dear Mr. Jetson,

We believe in the highest forms of dignity for all employees here. Your recent comments have proven that you are no longer interested in persuing the idealistic goals we have set for this company. It is for that reason your employment here is terminated immediately with extreme prejudice. Please pack your things and find your way to the door.

>>725708696
I am going to steal all your Bitcoins and use it to buy gun that shoots a swarm of butts

>>725708778
Just help me creampie >>725708424
and I will personally see to it that you get that award for the next 6 months. I just have a thing for shy girls, ya feel?

>>725708964
Nice try Mike but that is not going to work.

>>725709047
She even around? I get the mouth you feel me?

>>725709008
Please pack your fat ass and find your way to the door

>>725709047
(Jim) Ey bro who is the new readhead with the phat ass?

>>725708982
Wasn't me. I did see Mike around your shit earlier, though.

Yeah uh, Tom, I think we need a refill on the pencils around the office. It's hard to write anything when that stupid bitch Rhonda keeps stealing them. Thanks, Tom.

-Philip

>>725709166
Stick them up your butt then no one will take them.

>>725709047
>>725709092

Hi guys it's Calvin. I hear she's got a thing for the HR guy Bryan.

>>725709166
Isn't Rhonda that dumb cunt that keeps microwaving fish in the break room?

>>725709253
no she is blowdrying her cooch

>>725709312
In the break room?

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Corporate is here, everyone stand up and look busy!

>>725709253
Rhonda - that's just the name she chose when she came to the US from China. Her real name is Wan Long Kok - that fucking weird fish shit she eats stinks like dog shit.

>>725709312
She must have caught something from Veronica then.

When will this meeing start?! I have to get back to the I.T. room I have a raid on WOW in an hour!

>>725709399
Oh Shi-
>Closes facebook

>>725709241
Too bad, Bryan has a thing for Mike actually. Those two can usually be found jerking each other in the server room during the lunch break.

>>725709157
Ill put a few post it notes on his desk with a note on them. Thank god I presently got a bunch of them. They are great for settling arguments in a passive aggressive way

>>725709253
Hello, Craig, and yes it does appear that she does microwave fish in the break room. Maybe it's because she's too broke to buy food because she can barely do her job. Food for thought.

-Philip

>>725709468
Bad for her, maybe we can arrange for her to find out so you can swoop in and rescue her when her heart breaks.

COMPANANY WIDE EMAIL
To: Employees
From: CEO'S OFFICE

Good afternoon employees. Our productivity has decreased 5% since the end of our quarterly period last year. Please keep in mind that we do not believe this corolates to the layoffs which occurred last July. For that reason we are discussing drastic steps to cut back on our costs. Please keep in mind that we value each and every one of you and the effort you put into this company. While are stock price has plateaued we believie that' in a few months we can expect significant gains. Both on paper and for shareholders.

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>>725709506
MFW that's my actual name.

>>725709511
All,
Make sure to keep fraternization to a minimum! Remember FTDRT: Flirting Today, Date Rape Tomorrow!

HR