Post shitty stories /b/. I need to relax, I had a shitty day

I beat my dog today

I lost 100$

I saw a fat woman in a motorized wheelchair.

I awokend

Came out the closet today and beat a nigga witta bat fo snitching

A house fell on me

I failed Navy boot camp and now am unemployed living with my parents

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>Riding in work vehicle with coworkers.
>We drive past a golf course.
>There's a shitload of old ladies dressed in pink playing golf.
>We're watching three of them, all standing on a green, looking into a hole.
>One of the coworkers says something like, "What the fuck could they all be talking about standing around like that?"
>Maori colleague suddenly pipes up with, "Gee I remember when mine was still that small."
>After laughing, I reply with, "Fuck. I probably shouldn't say this to a Maori when he's talking about women; but you don't pull punches, do you?"
>He cracks up
>I crack up
>Everybody had a good laugh
>Good times

>>725599107
>A house fell on me

Can I have your shoes?

>>725599204
Fuck off Dorothy

>>725599108
are you from Dahlonega georgia? if you are, you're a fucking failure, and you should stay the fuck away from MT or i'll skin ya. if not apologies, and that blows, what happened?

>>725598969
I found a hundred bucks!

>>725599258
*pours a bucket of water on you*

I dated a girl that seemed perfect for three years, she cheated on me once because she wanted "variety" i told her that wasn't going to fly. ended up beating mr fuckboy pretty good. it was fun. 10/10 would do again with a fucking machete.

>>725599196
What the fuck anon.
That story was shit.
These are stories of shitty situations. Not stories that are, in fact, shit

The pipes at my apartment make musical noises whenever I flush the toilet, it kinda sound like the chords of a piano being stuck, and it last as long as the sound of water filling the tank again.

Specifically it sound like the chords at the beginning of Nancy Sinatra's version of "Bang Bang".

>>725599520
Well then do a better job of specifying next time, dickhead. You said shitty stories, not stories with shitty situations.

>>725599376
Not from georgia, but I am a massive failure as well. I was completely physically and mentally unprepared for basic and 3 weeks in had a mental breakdown. Sent me to be evaluated, ended up being separated for "avoidant personality disorder". Kinda regret the whole thing honestly.

I broke my ankle and i can't go anywhere. I'm watching youtube, browsing 4chan, play some vidya, and slowly slipping into insanity.

Currently installing Visual studio 2015 so i can at least try to do something productive.
Also there's no allowance where i work, that sucks too.

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I asked this skinny faggot wearing an "anti-god" hat and a rainbow choker necklace if he wanted to fight me. He said no and laughed because I guess he thinks his own degeneracy and defiling of American values is funny. I beat the shit out of him. Felt good.

>>725599647
sorry to hear that, you shoulda gone coast guard bro. all the services talk shit about them but secretly wish they were CG cause they get to stay stateside for the mostpart and most of the same benefits. also, so long as you pass a drug test, you might check if you qualify for them still. Remember, your DI does not want to actually harm you, he wants to HARDEN you, so the bad guy can't HARM you.

>>725600268
If it weren't that you guys continually lie, your stories would get you sent to prison.

My brother and I once set potato bugs on fire in the yard, we didn't do to be cruel. The first one was an accident while we were playing with candles. We were fascinated by the 'moving flames' created when the potato bugs were torched. It didn't occur to us that potato bugs were 'living creatures'. If they were screaming as a cat would have, we wouldn't have torched them.

>>725600640
On an anonymous board? Over fighting someone? Also- not everybody's life is devoid of interesting events just because yours is.

>>725600690
don't worry anon you don't need to justify killing bugs... we aren't little girls

>>725600771
I know. Your life being devoid of interesting events has nothing to do with my life.

>>725600690
>when i was a kid a friend and i put a GI Joe or something like that under the collar of his pet dog
>we then whipped the dog with a skipping rope so that it would run around the yard
>we thought we were taking the action figure on an adventure by giving it a ride with a relatively gigantic beast
>was only when we got older that we realised what we'd really done
That was at least twenty years ago and I still think about it now and then. I'm such a pussy.

>>725600821
Why do you think I'm lying, exactly?

>>725600948
fuck dude that's fucked. hope you don't feel too bad about it...you guys didn't know...

>>725600948
you were a kid, don't be too hard on yourself. I killed all my cousins hamsters on somewhat accident.... he had some kind of snake that eats mice and I thought they could be friends.... I have some pretty brutal tendencies but I hate hurting animals, its just so pointless unless you're hunting hogs/other pests

>>725601006
It doesn't occupy my thoughts often, but every now and then I'll remember what I did and feel a bit guilty about it. Ignorant or no.
I had a similar experience with kicking my younger brother in the balls when we were kids. He used to sackwhack me now and then, for which I got him back. But one day, for reasons I can't even remember, I thought it might be funny if I got him in the nads just barely enough that it hurt ever so slightly and it might be worhty of a laugh. I ended up doing it way too hard, he just collapsed and started crying. Even telling you now I can vividly remember his reaction. Now that one I do still feel quite bad about and that was almost as long ago. A while back I told him that I regretted and felt bad about a lot of the things I did to him and my other brother when we were kids. He took it all in his stride, but I still feel shitty.
Now that I really think about it, pretty much every kid I ever knew back then did "weird" shit like that. Kids really are terrible.

>>725597400
i liquefied throat tablets and drank a few cups of it- it removed my cold for 2 hours

>>725601290
At least what you did was sort of passive. As in, you just placed the hamsters and the snake did the rest. We on the other hand both took an active role.

>>725600690
I pulled the legs off a daddy-long-leg when I was like 8. I was fascinated by the twitching legs, and when I looked at the bug body, I could see it pulsating or whatever. I immediately felt like a monster for causing so much pain in something just to see what would happen. I squashed him and still let spiders live if I find them.

>>725601599
true, but still, without my input they woulda went on livin. my cousin and I had a similar relationship as you and your brother (same city, only children, essentially brothers) and I was always shorter, but a hell of a lot meaner, kicked the crap out of him a few times for no good reason, i've never apologized and I probably never will due to our current state, my family basically disowned me for my trump vote.

I have an imaginary husband and a set of imaginary kids because I am extremely lonely. I'm dealing with severe OCD and depression right now so I can't even keep a cat.

One day a hedgehog outran a train. The end.

>>725601839
My brother and I used to pull the wings off flies to make beetles, I think they were green bottle flies, we thought they looked better as beetles with green-blue bodies, they were rather beautiful.

>>725601943
Yeah it sucks looking back at that sort of thing. I've done other similar things to other people that had done nothing to deserve it. I once rode up to my cousin and a kid I lived next door to at the time and started talking to them. Without provocation or any good reason (ie. retribution or anything like that) I just grabbed both of their heads and bashed them together. I don't feel as bad about that one, but looking back at it now makes me realise I was actually more fucked up as a kid than I might have admitted for a long time.
>my family basically disowned me for my trump vote.
Sounds like they deserve the beating now instead if they'd disown you over a political leaning.

>>725601943
>>725602116
I once accidentally shot most of the top half of a magpie's beak off once. At first I thought I'd given it a debilitating injury; but for weeks afterward I'd see a magpie in my back yard that had a head like a shovel.

>>725602045
well, gaynon or femanon, I know this is so cliche, but really, unless your 21+ you are just young. if you're 21 plus, even in the USA there are free counseling programs, my mom has manic/bipolar issues and struggles financially, yet she has been able to see a counselor 6 times for free, and 50 dollars a visit vs 300 with a private therapist. just think happy thoughts, i was depressed as fuck for a long time, I realized that once I stopped dwelling on it, I stopped being sad.

>>725599594
Haha crackup you perceived it differently

kia kaha

>>725602383
Yeah humans take different messages from things. Real thighslapper.

>>725602284
I'm 31. I wish I could go back in time and follow advice on seeking therapy for anxiety, but well, I'm Asian, I was living with my parents then and there is a huge stigma on acknowledging mental illness.

AT BEST, I hope to marry a single dad when I finally sort out my mental health, because by then I would be too old for pregnancy to be a good idea, plus, I have a feeling I would get post-partum depression as well.

>>725602552
I think some of that might be across the board. Even with all the big talk about being open minded about mental illness, people from White/Western backgrounds often won't speak up about their illnesses. Those stigmas are everywhere.

>>725602552
I hope you work it out MissAnon, that's a tough situation, and especially the stigma growing up. and you know, 31 isn't that old. keep in mind most women these days are having kids in their mid 30's. you still have time! my best friend's mom was 38 when he was born, and he was their only kid. I guess what i'm saying is don't beat your self up over perceived failures. you also seem pretty smart, and the smartest people are the hardest on themselves because of overthinking.

>>725603037

Thanks. I do beat myself up a lot. My school performance seem to swing widely between perfect and fail, I give 110% by borrowing from the future then I crash and burn - literally in the case of my immune system. It's gotten so bad I've paused my post-secondary studies, I'm on disability welfare and I'm not working, not even volunteering right now. I sleep for a day and a half, stay up for a day and a half - no matter how tired I am, I just can't sleep sometimes. I twist and turn for hours, get up to eat, try again. I can't stop obsessing over the many things I should have finished or should be doing and is yet, too tired and sick to do it.

>>725603787
well, Diet can help, try yoga too, my mom has seen some incredible improvement with yoga in health and mood. try to at least take vitamins and drink water, stretch, go outside, go to a pet store and play with the puppies. ANYTHING YOU CAN DO to be happy, even for a little while, start with the baby steps.

>>725603787
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7AYKMP6rOE

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>>725597400
Me too
Just finished my 11pm-7am
On my way to the gym
Cheer up :*