Stupid stuff you did when you were horny thread? I'll start:

i started diddling my cats when i was 15
still do it today

>>725411997
I use to go to my friends house, and had a thing for his mom. I would hang out sometimes until they all left the house if they had to go somewhere or something and play video games. But I use to stick his moms dildo in my ass in her bed and cum into her panties. When I was like 12-14 or so.

Using the clear half spherical submarine lego attachment, i drained my cum into it for consumption. Didnt drink it postcum bc it then became disgusting instead of hot.

god i remember sticking my dick in a normal coke bottle then when i got a bonner it got stuck

>>725412100
that's hot

or sticking a hairbrush up my arse

>>725412124
You are my hero. I was too much of a pussy to try it.

Made chili paste using powdered chili and water, then put on my dick for a fapping session.
Interesting feeling, but after finishing off and not being horny anymore, it was uncomfortable.

>>725412274
it is pretty nice, yeah
kitties a qt, especially when they're cumming

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>>725412341

>>725412341
ever tried ice cubes and chili powder in your ass feels so good both the sensations

>>725412358
gotta kik or anything?

>>725412445
no
i fuck cats, why would i be interested in humans

>>725411997
My ex.

>>725412358
jesus fucking christ
>>725412566
catgirls maybe?

>>725412566
because I like beastiality

>>725411997
When I was 12 I had a chair that I'd fuck. I'd drop some water between the back pillow and seat pillow and pound away. Got bad rug burn one time and that was the end of it.

>>725412434
No. Won't put chili in my ass, but I put a piece of ginger root in my ass.
That was actually quite great.

>>725412646
humans with cat ears/tail are not cats

>>725412740
i tried a carrot

>>725411997
Stuck a clone bottle up my ass one time. Another time I jerked off a friend of mine.

>>725412740
How did you get the ginger root to fit in your ass with your head in there?

>>725413228
(YOU) should try bengay.

I used to fondle my dog's sheathe and sometimes cock when I was 14. Now when I first discovered I like animal fucking, now brace yourself for ultra-autism. I was on youtube in underpants watching animal mating videos and I had like one of those chicken patty things you warm up in the microwave. It was still hot so I shoved it down my underwear and jacked off

How bout pumping air and/or water in your dick or asshole. Also putting minty toothpaste in your ass or rubbing your dick with it feels great.

>>725411997
I once ate a out a girl on her period.
I got sick right afterwards and couyget out of bed for three days. On the third day I threw her blood up

Damn Anons, you all are fucking creative, I've been living inside a bubble all this time

>>725414278
Nah you're just not an idiot

put ice cubes on balls/ shaft while fapping

Used those plastic square to round chopsticks for urethral play.
Hurt like fuck when peeing afterwards.

>>725414194
the blood might have turned thick like coagulated. In your throat or stomach or something

>>725412847
fucking this

>>725412124
That's fucking hot

>>725414756
Indeed, never use the wood chopsticks. I preffer something made of smooth metal. Have a teaspoon with a round and rounded off tip which is perfect, not hurt whatsoever afterwards

>Spit on dick
>Let dog lick dick

>>725415255
I used plastic ones.
You'd have to be a complete fuckup to use those cheap wooden ones.
High quality wooden ones are probably really good for sounding.

>>725415463
A plastic one needs to be driven into your eye

When I was about 12-13 I went through some old toys and found an old"Sock'em Bopper," one of those big inflatable boxing gloves. I used to lotion that thing up and Fuck it daily.

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>>725411997
Asked a neighbor if we could have sex in exchange for me mowing her lawn, instead of money. She rejected it was never spoke to me or my family again.

>>725414553
I don't see what would go wrong with this

>>725411997
>came on my face
>sucked my dog off
>got drunk, fucked a burger, and ate it afterwards

I used to take disposable rubber gloves and put coca butter in them, and then i would place them in between the couch cushions. my mom would find them every where and not ask any questions.

>>725415675
Maybe you should have showered and perform oral hygiene pursuit to propositioning her.

>>725415591
How about you grow the fuck up and contribute instead of just throwing random insults?

>>725415675
Feelsbadman. I used to "play" with my bigger stepsister, sadly my stepmom found out, i was 12 and she was 14. Damn, idd fuck her if i could

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>>725415931
Triggered.

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>>725415931
Newfag detected

>>725412566
A

H
U
M
A
N

I
S

F
I
N
E

T
O
O

first time I ever jerked off was in 4th grade and I looked at a painting of Venus.

Instead of jerking off normally by grasping dick and stroking, I would hit my dick in a way where it would go in between all 5 of my fingers, and Id just keep hitting it until I came.

I did it so much the first few times I wore my dick raw and finally figured out how to do it the right way.

Strangely enough, years before that while I was in kindergarten I used to eat out, play with, make out, rub on, etc etc the girl that lived next door and her little sister that were same age.

>>725416066
>>725416195
Low quality wannabe troll and samefag. Probably even a newfag.

Was swimming at aunts house when I was 13. Went inside to pee and after I was done I saw my cousins two piece bikini hanging on the shower to dry. I was always horny at this age so I picked up the bottoms and sniffed them and started jerking off. Decided to cum in them dive they were already damp and gonna be washed anyway. Open them up and cum right into the crotch part. Feel way better, half ass run water over them and put back. Ten minutes after I'm back outside my cousin comes out in that bikini cuz she decided to swim some more. Spent all day awkwardly avoiding talking to her cuz she was wearing my cum. Tried this a few more times with her and aunts suits when I found them but they never got worn in front of me again.

>be me, 12
>find moms dildo
>fucking huge.
>try to get to base.
>slips in my ass all the way
>ohfuck.jpeg
>spend 2 hours shitting it out

>>725415626
Fucking grand kek

>>725415626

I did that too, anon! Thank god for yard sales!

>>725415982
Go on...

Used microwaved butter as lube and a deodorant can as a dildo when I was around 14.

>>725415626
the ones with the spikes on them?

>>725416299
I fiddled my stick like that too when I first started!

>>725416973
Glad you shared the experience. Was the best feeling in the work when I was 13.

>>725416299
Same here actually, I essentially lost my virginity before I masturbated.

>>725412728
what?

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>>725416299
I heard the term "beating off" and tried smacking my dick back and forth before I ever learned I was supposed to stroke it. I figured it out once I was 13

>>725414024
I for whatever reason while taking a shower when I was like 8 decided to jam the (Turned on) shower head right against my ass so the water would spray in.

When I was just around 6 or 7 I used to take my sisters barbies into the shower with me
>have to undress barbie bc it's shower time
>Admire naked plastic body
>mmm nice tits and ass
>tapered waste
>enjoy rubbing her on my dick
>feels good bro
>start to take barbie feet and place in between my foreskin
>lose my shit
Did this every night for some time

>>725411997
When I was a teen I put a glass test tube into my butt. Thank god it didn't break.

>>725417998
Update: this faggot is still 13

>>725418055
That's isn't how you coax the gerbil out, faggot, next time try food

Have never had a wet dream in my life, started masturbating hoping something would happen until eventually I started orgasming, even though I wasn't cumming. Was weird but felt good, also bonus points for not having to clean up afterwards.

>>725416696
I can sort of relate, found mothers dildo, was one of those raving rabbit things, occasionally I'd steal it and try to fuck it without lube, as far as I can remember I somehow managed to fuck it, albeit it being a bit of a messy situation.

>Be me, 11
>House-sitting with grandma since cousin(female) was away
>taking care of grams in morning, fap session at night
>3rd night, decided to use cousins clean lingerie
>mid-way thru sesh, hears "ANON?!" thru the window
>bitch promised to be home 4TH DAY
>turns off monitor, ejects dvd and stuff panties in my shorts the quickest way possible
>cousin comes in with a questionable look on face
>with dvd turned over, gesture a wiping motion with my shirt to hide/imitate that i wasnt fapping
>metagross.jpg
>mumbles "was cleaning your cds"
>not talked to for 18 years

>>725418038
In preschool I was friends with this girl and she had barbies all over her house, her mom was a bit of a drunk and me and her daughter would run around naked while her mom watched TV and didn't give a shit. The daughter and I would often make the barbies have sex unknowingly and then she would rub the barbies on my dick. Felt great, neither of us had any idea what we were doing.

>>725412358
Blow your head off for the good of humanity.

>>725411997
i legit fucked a jar of jelly and a warm watermelon. What a waste got a sticky dick and got hurt fucking an oven fresh melon.

Also tried to use soap to bate and got some in my urethra

>>725411997
Stuffed a pen up my ass when I was 13. Got it in there fully and it looked just like a shitlog when it came out. Thank god I was in the bathroom when I did it

>>725418974
kek rip pen

>>725418756
You still have no idea whay you are doing.

>>725419082
Yeah man the barbie dolls go in the penis, not on it.

>>725411997
I filled an empty pickle jar with warm water and then tried to have sex with it

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>>725419077
Parents weren't home at the time, then another shitlog came out and landed on the rug we had on the bathroom. Plopped my ass on the toilet to get the rest of it out.

Anyone want more of this?

>>725413865
you are fucking retarted

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant called Bridges with my partner and her three kids for her birthday, along with their elderly lady nanny.

I decided to order the jambalaya but I asked the waiter to make mine not spicy (because I'm allergic to pepper). The food arrived quickly and it looked terrific but as soon as I took the first bite I started to cough, then began to choke. To my horror I realized that the jambalaya had pepper in it - a LOT of pepper. The choking got worse and I couldn't breathe but then the nanny came running over yelling

"HELP IS ON THE WAY DEAR!"

She got into position behind me and started to firmly give me the heimlich maneuver. After what felt like forever a piece of shrimp flew out of my throat and suddenly I could breathe again. I turn to thank her for saving my life but I froze when I saw that her "face" was a prosthetic and had peeled off. My date's nanny was a man!

>>725419200
Go for it lmao, Had a similar scenario with my mothers dildo around the same age, cleaned it as best as I could but I've a sly feeling she knew what happened.

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At the ripe age of 13, I decided inserting objects into my peiner hole was kinda hot. One day, I did it with a pair of tweezers, grip part first. It was in that moment I realized that my meat was filling in the tiniest gaps in the tweezers' grip area, and ultimately, that I had fucked up.

While pulling it out hurt like a bitch and did not produce any dickersnot, it never bled heavily, it never got infected, and it was never found out.

>>725419288
whAT the fuck? prosthetic face? Her nan was a man? so many questions, pls answer.

I got my dick stuck in the spindle of a 45 record when I was 16.

>>725419082
Accurate

>>725411997
I put reeces chocolate up my ass then shat it out on my hand them ate the warm peanut buttery goo.

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I once photoshopped photos of my gf as a dark elf from Skyrim (no nudes but cleavage and underwear) but it wasn't as sexy as I thought it would be. The files were on a memory stick which I ended up leaving in the college library and I was too embarassed about reporting it lost in case whoever found it saw the pics.

>>725419288
the fuck

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>>725419320
Alright then. Pic is my reaction when I saw the shit on the rug.
Got the last of the shit out of me then went to the sink to try to clean the pen off. For some reason there was a damn hole in the pen and shit got in it. I just said, "Fuck it," and threw it away. Grabbed some toilet paper and grabbed the shit off the rug and threw it in the toilet.

Then I saw it.

There was a god damn shit stain in the fucking rug.

Love you babe

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>>725419288
Oh you

This post made my day, thanks.

>>725412124
Vibrating dildo? Prostate orgasm?

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>>725419611
That is absolutely DISGUSTING.

>>725418038
this is how serial killers start out

>>725411997
> in bed
> I have a library bed ( the headboard has cabinets and a small little open space in between )
> bring my legs into the small space with head on pillow
> adjust a bit
> at first can only get balls ( super loose )
> eventually get tip of dick
> blow myself
> felt amazing
Yeah, I'm kinda conflicted about how to feel about it. I didn't and don't have a big dick ( 6.5in ) and at the time I was like 6" 1. (14)

When I was like 6 or 7 I would take baths with my Barbies and Polly Pockets and one day I accidentally sat on one and it touched my clit, so I started rubbing myself against them anytime I took a bath.

Didn't really understand what I was doing at the time but I still felt guilt about it, like I was doing something wrong.

>>725420132
this is true

>>725412161
Ha ha. I know eh? The second you cum you just don't want it anymore. I shot hard enough before it hit me in the face though. That was great.

Was it real? Be honest

>be me 14
>be home alone
>super fucking horny
>look around room and see nothing accepting of a dicking
>go to sisters room
>see panties and bras and shit
>notintoincest.jpeg
>see piggybank
>notice circular slot in nose
>JACKPOT
>grab Vaseline from parents room
>proceed to fuck piggy snout
>dick becomes larger and gets stuck
>begin freaking out and dick won't get soft
>hear parents start pulling in
>smash piggybank and stare at cock
>not a fucking scratch
>kick all pieces under bed
>got away with it

Sister never noticed it was gone or broke.

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>>725412161

i stuck a lego down my penis hole

>>725420210
moar

I used to fap to my cousins mom. We lived nearby eachother and I would go around the house hiding behind curtains and in the bathroom, spying on her, beating it off, thinking all kinds of dirty scenarios. Focusing on her bubbly butt mostly.
Sometimes I would go out in the night and steal her panties, bras, clothes which she hanged outside to dry and wet them with my cum.
I was a twisted horny fuck. I didn't know what incest was at the time and would go spanking my cousin's siter in secrecy.
Once or twice i fingered her in the ass gently, like massaging because i thought thats how girls liked it. I would fap afterwards, smelling my fingers.
My mom saw me grabing the cousin ass hard one day and told me how i shouldn't be doing that cause it was wrong.
I didn't stop immediately, but eventually came to my senses.

>>725420463
fuckin ped'

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>>725411997
woow

double dubs

*tips*

>>725419208
>Retarted

>>725420561
ok, post more

>>725419288
Kek

Geef gewoon even antwoord

>>725411997
>Beat off with either shampoo or conditioner can't remember which
>got in dick hole
>burned like fuck when I came
>burned the next 3 times I pissed
Almost had mom take me to hospital but couldn't come up with a good reason why shampoo was in my dick hole. Just toughed it out

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>>725420538
Why must you hit me dear anon

>>725415883
What was it like fucking an american and then eating her out?

>>725420779
Been there anon. Learned I just had to pee it out.

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>>725419766
I didn't bother cleaning it up, since my grandparents were still home. Didn't think saying that the dog shat on it would convince them.
A few days pass, and they never noticed it.

>>725411997
>have a packet of REALLY tiny braces rubber bands on my desk
>actually fit one around my dick (no idea why I thought this was a good idea)
why would anybody do that? those things are literal fucking torture devices.

>>725420291
Did this once with a chick, I pulled out to cum on her stomach and it shot over her head the first spurt then right on her face the next. I was impressed, she was not so much

>>725418840
why

>>725420618
fine.
>be 11 years
>kid shows me how to jack off
> try to punch dick cause he was as dumb as i was at time
>punch dick. oh shit.
>hurts like hell.
> dick fucking purple
>mfw i bruised my dick

>>725412161
I've done this dozens of times. Never seems appealing after you nut

>>725420399
Lpt Next time do it with a real pig

>>725421149
shit. wrong guy.

>>725420640

What about you, OPhelia?

Found an unused condom in an open wrapper under the mattress of my parent's bed on my father's side - obviously ready for action.

Wanted to find out what a condom felt like so rolled it on - so fucking sexy and hot, dick was like diamonds (ironic, as I hate the bloody things now). The smell of the lube, feeling the slipperiness and then....oh fuck I've come!. Immediate post orgasm remorse. Now what the fuck do I do? Condom full of cum on my rapidly-softening dick.

So I wash the thing out and carefully roll that fucker baclk up - and believe me, rolling like they come in the packet is not easy.

Never was a word said, so I assume I got away with it.

Mind you, not many fathers would ask their 12-yo sons if they've been fucking around with the father's condoms.

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>>725419473
>Not even getting this legendary Mrs Doubtfire reference

GTFO now you little fag

>>725421305
Never seen mrs doubtfire, should I?

>>725421510
Meant for
>>725421408

>>725421305
I meant barbie clit femanon, there seem to be a lot of dick-punchers in this thread

Ok cya

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>Be me
>Get horny
>Out of lotion
>Look for anything slippery
>find a bottle of dawn dish soap
>PraiseOdinsbeard.jpg
>whack it like its my last time
>Everything went better than expected.
>Few hours later balls starting to itch and burn.
>Next morning balls feel weird
>The skin looks scaly and starts peeling off
>OhGodithurts.gif
>Ball skin peels,itches, and burns for like a week
>No lotion to sooth them
>Cant tell Christ fag parents
>Swear I will never do this again
>Did it three more times that year.
>same results every time.
>Puberty is a hell of a drug

>>725419288
Just like Mrs doubt fire
Holy Shit dude

>>725411997
>15 or 16
>find moms dildos
>she has a bunny one
>too big will never fit
>she also has small sized one probablt for first time anal and everything
>decide if I am gonna be a faggot might as well get batteries in it for full experience
>get house TV remote batteries into it
>slam it in
>brain freezing ultra orgasm on my moms bed
>jizz all over sheets
>clean up process
>change sheet
>while cleaning the dildo I hear car pull in
>had to rush it
>shit job probably smelled like coconut lotion and asshole
>throw it into bag inside droor with the rest of the shit
>starts fucking vibrating in the droor
>panic.jpg
>light speed whip it out get batteries put it back
>run into room
>parents walk in
>coolface.jpg
>dildo bag dissapeers next time I checked for it
>they probably knew

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>>725411997
I build a DIY pussy and to this day I still can't think of a reason why...

Spoiler
It's shit

>>725411997
I tried putting cream on my balls. Don't know what kind of cream it was but it started burning like hell. Another time I wanted to put caramel on my balls so my dog can lick it off but it was too thick so I microwaved it and it burned like hell. My kids will probably all be retarded.

>>725421888
Did you chop your dick off?

>>725422059
Roll

>>725422059
Roll for an answer?

>>725421624
I used to lay in bed at night and sort of touch myself, but I felt really bad about.
They'd always talk about "swimsuit parts" in school so I figured the rule applied to myself too. Mind was fucking blown when I learned that it was a thing most people did.

I ended up finding a forum about female masturbation online and tried a lot of the suggestions there. Shower head, vegetables, pillows, toothbrush, etc. I only got my first toy sometime last year.

>>725422389
Roll for an answer?

Used to fuck myself with a gluestic and this one time the cap stuck inside and I had to remove it with pliers. Wasnt painful of anything.
Also used for the same thing I used pensils and markers.

>>725421714
I had a similiar thing happen after i fapped couple of times in a row with shampoo. Skin started drying and pealing off. I was afraid it would get worse and scoured the internet for solutions. Nothing! Ended up putting skin cream on it to keep it moist for a few days and all good.

>suck a dog's dick.
>Masturbate a bigger dog
>Steal used panties
>Introduce sausage in ass
>Introduce whole hand in ass
>Strangulated my dick with all kind of threads and ropes
>Eat my own cum
>Asked gf to pee all over me
>Drugged gf with alcohol and depression pills multiple times
>Forced gf to smoke weed
>Tried to fuck female co-worker (failed)
>Post multiple messages on contact sites to suck dick.
>Tricked a cousin into thinking we were going to have a threesome with my gf just to suck his dick.
>Worked at a grocery, rubbed my dick all over edibles
Can't remember anything else now.

>>725422389
Did you use a hairbrush tho?

When did everyone start jerking off i was like 13

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>>725419473
>>725419730


Underage b& motherfuckers.

>>725422765
Once but I was never that into it.
Penetration doesn't really do it for me

On more than one occasion I took a latex glove from the kitchen cabinet, filled it up with shaving cream and petroleum jelly, put it between my boxspring and my mattress and attempted to fuck it. It hurt like hell the first time, so I don't know why I tried it a second or third.

>>725422882
most people here are fucked up in the sense that they prolly did it at fuckin 8 or some shit

Found my first pornsite when 13 stole my dads credit card signed up guess i signed up for a year was like 100 dollars or some shit. Jerked like crazy to it after school then one day my mom looked at the credit card bill got mad at my dad he kept denying it they got in a huge fight.

Shit ended in a divorce was to scared to tell them it was me. Why they got divorced is mom went full cunt mode and wrecked my dads shit and started accusing him of cheating because he looked at porn and she thought he was fucking other women because of it or some shit.

>>725422741
>drugged gf with alcohol and depression pills
Do they have some amazing reaction when you mix them together? from personal experience, depression pills are fucking garbage, even while overdosing on them.

I used to share a bed with my younger cousin back when I was 6 - 12. She was a heavy sleeper so every night I waited for her to fall asleep and then I started to play around with her feet, smeeling and licking them.
Sometime later I started rubbing my dick on her soles.

>>725423121
got any other kinky stories? I'm interested

>>725422882
13-14 I think, although I was masturbating and orgasming way before I could actually cum

>>725422882
8

>>725422882
9 or 10 i think. Can't remember exactly.

>>725423185
How does that mean you're fucked up?

>>725418336
Not being able to cum was the best

I made a dildo out of dough and baked it hard, lubed then fucked myself with it.

>>725423271
plenty, but this thread isn't the place for my attention-whoring cx

>>725423742
Yes it is. This is the best place for that

>>725423742
does it look like I give a fuck if you're attention whoring, just post stories

>>725423650
something awkward scarring or sad mustve' happend to a person for that to happen, for me i found shit tons of lesbian porn and trans porn on my 17 yo brothers comp' when i was 6

>>725412100
what the fuck do you mean by "diddling"

>>725424120
blowjobs/pussy rubbing

>>725424037
i started masturbating when i was 8 just because i rubbed my dick at some point and noticed that it felt good, so i kept doing it until i came

>>725422638
Why a glue stick? You'd get more girth using a couple fingers.

>>725421286
t. Cameron

> filled 2 condoms with hot watter putted my dick bettwen those, trying to simulate it was an ass
> doing it while watching some porn DVD
> had my first orgasm, thought my dick was gonna explode

>>725422389
Would you mind explaining what the "swimsuit parts" rule is?

>>725423961
I've always had a thing for older men. Like older, older. Guys in their 40's and 50's would message me on social media when I was 12/13 and if I thought they were attractive I'd "cyber" with them. It was really fucked up but ayy.

My first boyfriend was 24 when I was 14, and we would fool around whenever we saw each other but never had sex. That lasted for 2years ish and he ended up posting all of my pictures and info on here when I was 16, that's how I found the site

>>725423210
They sent her into a coma like state.
I did all kind of horrible things to her.

>>725415931
>grow the fuck up
>on 4chan

>>725424596
I love the fact that you stayed though

>>725424438
Like when they would wheel out the giant TVs in elementary school and make you watch the video where some creepy man explained that nobody should touch you anywhere that your swimsuit touched.

>>725418336
This happened for me for like 2-3weeks before I started.

>>725424781
I think that was just your elementary school. The only talks we got were about not doing drugs

>>725424734
No clue why, maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. I used the same username for everything so that whole thing really fucked me. I don't talk to anyone I used to be friends with at that time anymore because they've all seen my 16 year old nudes.

Every few months someone manages to stir shit up again and I start getting spammed, but I've finally learned to stop using the same emails and all for my stuff so I've been spam free for awhile.

>>725424723
Then gtfo and come back when you're old enough.

>>725424650
Don't suppose you remember which type of anti-depressants they were? would be fun to try out

>>725411997
I tried to suck my dick in the shower once when I was either in middle school or high school. I managed to get my lips on the head but stopped immediately after. It can be considered masturbation, it is my own dick... but I wasn't too keen on sucking cock at any point in my life. If all goes well, the only penis to have ever been in my mouth will have been my own.

When I was 12, I got my remote control race car, lathered up one of the wheels with soap, put my frenulum on the wheel, and accelerated it.

2 seconds into it, I got a MASSIVE chafe/burn, and that was the end of that.

>>725425284
>projecting this hard

>>725424596
And how long ago would it have been when he posted that info?

I was 12 when I first started jacking

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>be 12
>see my dad's car buffer
>decide to buff my dick
>vibrations make for amazing orgasm
>end up damaging my urinary track
>have to put toilet paper in my paper after i piss to prevent piss leaking out onto my underwear for the rest of my life

fml

>>725425172
Dont suppose youve still got those nudes on you? For scientific research of course.

>drop pants
>see a lemon
>cut out both ends
>start fucking lemon
>heythatsprettygood
>repeat the lemon fucking 2 more times
>dick got swollen and itchy
had a lot of puss where dick cheese should be

asked people on 4chan what was wrong with it, noone could tell me properly, so i just waited it out and after 2 weeks it became normal again.

I had sex with my beanbag chair for a few days when I didn't know how to use my hand yet. I used hand lotion and humped it like crazy. I guess I was an idiot and didn't think of the noise. Finally my brother in the bedroom over barged in and told me to cut it the fuck out and called me disgusting. He then proceeded to relentlessly make fun of me until he left for college next year. The day after I ashamedly tossed the semen and lotion encrusted thing in the trash.

> was 13 at the time
> first started experimenting with anal(femanon)
> take shower
> bring chapstick with me
> shove chapstick in ass
> fuck, its deep
> begin to panic as its not coming out
> start crying
> desperately attempt to push it out
> decide that if it doesnt come out within 5 minutes then i tell my parents and go to hospital
> by the love of god it comes out final push
> mfw

>>725423190
sounds like your mums a tard

>>725425772
They would be cp

>>725425504
3 years
>>725425772
Nah but they shouldn't be that hard to find. Scorned, greasy neckbeard dumps ex's nudes onto the internet, not like that happens every day.

>>725426081
No they wouldn't, in a lot of countries 16 years old is legal age of consent and in a lot of others it's far lower than that. Seems your country is very cucked

>>725425746
>decide to buff my dick
why

>>725424273
i accidentally had an orgasm when i was around 6 years old.
It was me failing to climb a pole which meant me going up and down, kinda like dry humping.
Repeated it multiple times in front of people as well, nobody knew/said anything.

>>725425772
MODS

>>725419288
>we will never get a sequel
rip

>>725426193
Age of consent has nothing to do with this. It would still be illegal idiot

>>725426034
Did the same with a C battery

>>725412100
please die

>>725426424
why

>>725426383
No it wouldn't, person in the picture and now is above the age of consent, so how would that be illegal? and anyway why so quick to turn down free nudes, faggot

>>725426230
Don't really remember. I think it was because that thing vibrated like crazy and I was a retard

>>725424596
You should post those pics again.

>>725425746
We seem to be very alike anon, Although I on the other hand decided to buff my scalp.

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>>725412100

>>725426639
Pictures have to be 18+ in every country retard

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>>725412740
Ginger-root is good up the ass. It's called Figging.

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>>725412100
>this is (You)

>>725427071
>>725412100
how would you fuck a cat, wouldn't it just scratch you?

>>725426992
I love figging

>>725426992
>Ginger-root is good up the ass. It's called Figging.
but does it slove any anal realted health issues?

>>725426854
Don't have, wouldn't post if I did.
I was still a chubby little "scene kid" then anyway

>>725426981
No
Nudes of minors are legit in many countries, as long as they contain no sexual act

>>725427361
Onision get out of /b/

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I've got one of those mini vibes
I tie my cock up with cock-bondage using rubber gloves with the fingers tied together and tie the mini-vibe in there on the pulse more.
I then watch porn until I burst.

>>725427071
well i've never been particularly interested in dating women, so that's not entirely accurate
>>725427297
you see, it's very simple
don't try to put your dick in anything, only give handjobs/blowjobs/pussy rubbing, and only do it when the cat's ok with you doing so
bam, 100% less injuries from angry cats

>>725427312
>anal realted health issues
The only health issue is I'm addicted to putting a home-made ginger butt-plug in my ass.

>>725427361
No, its legal if it is for something like art. If someone takes nude pictures that is underage then it is illegal.

>>725421043
Same, I'm almost always a dripper, but the first time I did it I pulled out and "apparently" shot her in the eye with my jizz cannon, even though I never saw it fly all the way up there.

>>725427444
Give him a break, he has to stay relevant somehow

>>725426034
Tits or gtfo

>>725411997
>penis rings

What do they even do

* am not admitting that i did any of these things it is simply a work of fiction*
>sex ed in 5th grade
>get packet about male parts
>hard for some reason
>masturbate to it when i get home
>convinced im attracted to kids
>look up "greek art" of little boys in 6th grade
>masturbate to it
>learn about shota, start frequenting /b/ and other websites with shota
>masturbate to it
>decide i want the real thing
>find russian??? website, start telling older men im a 13 yo boy willing to trade nudes for cp
>find site for sharing kiks for young people
>convince kids my age to trade nudes
>many older men messaging me each day begging for nudes telling me how sexy i am, etc.
>this goes on for years, eventually stop thinking about how guilty i feel
>One day in 10th grade dad shows up to pick me up from school early
>10-15 govt trucks outside house
>shit.png
>they tell me they know everything.
>lawyers get involved, initially going to be charged with 25 to life
>contemplate suicide
>lawyers suck good dick or something get off with 6 months house arrest and 18 months probation
>still haunts me to this day, would never in a million years do again
can talk more about it

I took a watermelon from a house party fridge and raped it in the back yard.

>>725427605
do you consider yourself as a faggot enjoying butt pleasure exactly like OPey?

>>725427617
But then the "underage" aspect of it would be dependant on what your country deems as under the age of consent in which 16 is perfectly fine.

>>725412728

So, you're saying it gave you the clap.

>>725427617
Depends on the country

>>725422882
It started around 10 or 11 for me but I fucked up at 14... let me know if you want the story and inb4 shitty at greentext.

Umm

>>725427935
femfag or what?

>>725428139
Sorry, I mean if someone under 18 takes nude pictures of themselves that is illegal. If it is for art they can be under 18, but even then it could be considered illegal if you have those images.

>>725427935
If it's a work of fiction then why the fuck tell us

>11-12
>sister 15ish
>late at night parents long since asleep
>sister invited me over to computer
>showed me hentai
>confused but funny
>sister masturbated in front of me
>showed me how to do it myself
>she jacked me off
>i touched her
good times tbh

>>725427929
It's an upgrade that turns your dick from a normal dick into a vibrating dick

I like this game. I call it: how about I answer you?

Used a DS pen for urethral sounding, was to thick, hurt like hell and i used hand soap for lube. It was a bad idea by all counts

>>725428407
That's just for the protocol you moron

>>725428267
sure, go for it

>>725428463
more?

>>725428371
Suppose nudism is considered art then?

>>725411997
I used to massage that area between my balls and the asshole while massaging my dick. Not sure why I did it, it didn't feel much different. I kept doing it for like a month straight

>>725426917
I tried that once or twice. Felt amazing

>>725411997
>roll it off
anyone who had braces know how easily those things snap. I have them in my mouth right now and can break them with ease just using my tongue

op here
damn this thread got a lot of replies

>>725427601
well at least you can stick your dick in a dog

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>>725428335
why would it make a difference?
>>725428407
according to the rules of /b/ everything on here is a work of fiction. i was just clarifying :)
nice try fbi

>>725428642
Wasn't so great when my scalp felt loosened, also I think it caused dandruff, I never had issues with it up until when I was fucking around with the car buffer and have since had it.

>>725428729
Interesting thread on /b/ for once

>>725428371
You want to say it's forbidden to take a picture of yourself when you are underage?
Are you completely retarded?
>More than that: everything is art as long as someone calls it that way

>>725412161
Would cum in hand expecting to lick it up, but after I nutted it became extremely appalling

>>725428590
tbh dont remember, shit was 12ish years ago, i barely even know wtf was going on, wasnt until i was 18-19 i remembered that it happened was like "oh shit"

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>>725427071

>>725428711
Same, although I had a band a couple weeks ago that got fucked during manufacturing and was practically double the width so it was a pretty strong one, had to forcefully rip it as it got stuck in my brace.

>>725428599
Sort of, any image that is not created for erotic purposes is okay. Like if your parents have naked pics of you from when you were a little kid.

A few years back i was on 4chan i think i was 12 So, 08 or 09. Saw a post about using a pumpkin to jack off. i cut into a small pumpkin and hid it from my parents. it was painful, cold, and enjoyable. also left me with a skin lesion on the top of my dick that was hard to explain to my then girlfriend.

>>725427456
That's a pretty good idea anon

>>725411997
>Be me, 10 yo
>Alredy know what jacking off is, had known it for years
>Thing is, i was kinda obsesed
> i jerked off too much
> One night i jacked off 5 times, but thats another story
> Anyways, i also used to jack off in the school bathroom
>Anyways, one day, i was extremly horny
>There was no teacher
>Everyone was talking or running around
> Decide to jack off in the classroom
>I used to wear a jacket, since it was extremly cold in the mornings.
> Used it as a blanket
> quiestly unzipped my pant
> Start chokin the monkey
>Suddenly, when im halfway though it
>Classmate appears, and starts heading to me
>Fuckityshituck.exe
>My hands on my dong, and my jacket covering it all
> Manage to talk with classmate, he leaves
>Continue till i finish

In the end, i was never catched, only a few of my friends know it cause i told it to the m as a joke. In the end, it was kinda worth it.

>>725428625
I love it to apply pressure there while cumming

>>725428988
Ironically I have one sitting like 2 feet away from me in a folder, kind of makes you question why your parents decided to photograph you while naked in the bath tub

>be 9 year old me
>me and a couple friends accidently stumbles upon porn while browsing funny videos
>i really like it even though im not even sure whats going on in the porn videos
>start watching porn at my personal computer home every once in a while
>this goes on for probably a couple months
>my parents all of a sudden checks out my computer and finds my browser history
>theyre angry and have serious talk with me and im crying like a pussy and regretting it all
>i wasnt allowed to have my own PC for like 3 years
>im now around 22 years old and my parents have never talked about that period of my life since the serious discussion
>up until this day i think about and remember some of the porn i watched as an 9 year old and wish I could find it again cause it was really fucking good, ive tried looking around for it really hard but no results

mfw my parents finds out about me watching as a 9 year old and it fucked up several years of childhood and partly the relationship between me and my parents too

penis + vaccuum.
feelsbadman.jpg

>>725412308
Did that too when I was 12. It was a round one with a nice plug shaped handle. I put a rubber on it for some reason. I didn't wash the condom lube off and it made the paint wrinkle and peel. My mom knew.

I also hollowed out very large pickles and fucked them. It was not terrible. I always wanted to do that to a roast but I couldn't get the nerve up.

>>725411997
I unscrew broom sticks and masturbate in the shower with one as far up my ass as I can without pain

>>725429187
Same story for me, but i was 6. and i still remember the title of the first porn video ive ever seen. still watch it to this day.

>>725420819
kek

>>725429057
There was a down-syndrome person in my secondary (High-school? I dont fucking know, figure it out amerifags) school that constantly masturbated in classes, and not as subtle as you, he straight up started bashing one out and groaning at the back of the class. He also liked to high-five people, with the hand he masturbated with.

put dick in massive chocolate goo filled muffin. jerked off with it. ate it when i finished.

I tried to shove my penis in an electrical socket around 14-15 and my mom caught me. She left my room after talking to me. I shoved it in anyway and got a tiny electrical shock

>>725429475
So how long did they let him get away with it?

I used to fap into my older cousins panties and cum right where the material would sit on her pussy. She was super fucking hot and 8 years older than me when I was 17.

I lived with them, and we were in cramped living conditions and she used to tease me hard.

>>725428545
>be me, 10
>never have any real contact with other people other than school
>mother has a friend with a daughter a year younger than me
>always play weird house games and some could be considered furry shit
>figure out the sex thing from loud noises in parents room and playing house with girl
>move up to 12
>Find out about masturbation
>thankyoujeebus.jpeg
>always seem to be getting kinkier and kinkiest about how and where I do it.
>idea crosses mind
>get online and get on this downloaded search engine that was used for music mostly called Frostwire
Cont?

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>>725427935
nobody asked for more but i got more anyway cus im pathetic
>during 18 months probation technically kind of not allowed to use internet at all
>forced to do many different therapies
>use internet bc i have no friends and fuck it if im not using the internet for 18 months its the same thing as being in prison
>join anime skype group, talk about anime (my favorite are the ones with little boys... ha...)
>meet qt 3.14 girl who also like little boys
>her ex is abusive, keeps spam calling jer on skype posting her nudes ect
>fuck with him bc i became admin of skype group
>win girl, finally feel alpha
>convice her to go out with my by slipping in how many young nudes of me are floating around on the internet
>hit it off for almost a year
>met up irl multiple times
>sexed her multiple times
>she starts getting controlling and emotionally manipulative
>starts talking to other guys
>starts going back to looking at shota behind my back
>dont want to be a cuck
>plan breakup
>too much of a cuck to breakup
>her heroin addicted older brother brother shoots himself in the head with a shotgun he stole from her aunt
>shit hits the fan
>she dosnt talk to me for weeks
>ask for break bc ita basically not a relationship anyway
>shes off and on about whether she loves me or hates me
>back to considering suicide
>feel bad about leaving her
this is where i am now. alone. not a robot anymore but also not a normie. i have noone. feelsfucking bad /b/

>>725428737
are you a gayus then

>>725429715
Bullshit
230 Volt ac pretty much directly through that much nerves would be horrible agony

>>725428748
That's odd. Maybe there was some chemical residue? My dad never used it, and I never had dandruff.

I got the scalp loose feeling once. It depended on the buffer head that you used.

>>725429475
1. Im not american, so i understand that feel
2. Holly shit thats fuckin awesome

>>725411997
i used ben gay to masturbate....it wasnt a good idea...

>>725411997
>be me
>13
>step sister is 16
>share a room with sis and sleep on the top of the bunk bed
>able to beat it until precum comes out
>justbeatit.jpg
>get precum all over my hands, spreading it like jelly on bread
>climb down from bunkbed
>sister asleep
>VERY deep sleeper
>scheming.jpg
>appreach carefully as to not wake her
>reach under her panties and lift her shirt
>carefully touch everything, smearing my small amounts of precum all over her
>nonpenetrationfinger.jpg
>put diamond-hard dick on her hand and stroke once or twice
>precum4days.jpg
>finish up putting her shirt back how it was
>and quietly bolt back up into my bed and go to sleep thinking about her tits

>mfw I was 13

>>725429782
I don't think anyone ever tried to stop him, for the 3 years I was in classes with him he was still doing it until the end of the last year, don't think I went to any more classes with him after that. Although on separate occasions he starts groaning during exams, even though he has an SNA with him to practically tell him all the answers, any form of use of his brain causes him to start groaning and grunting, in a hall of about 200 students. Was annoying to say the least, you'd think they'd atleast toss him in another room if his brain can't even function in an examhall.

>>725429406

i envy you

>>725429992
kind of. i have a penis if thats what you wanna know.

>>725429111
Parents find that stuff cute, and it's legal so its all good.

>>725429873
>8 years older than me when I was 17.
How much older then you is she now?

>>725420399

that was your chance to come into money

>>725430135

>your sister then gets pregnant
turns out your precum got the pregnant

>>725430137
This is why we don't need special education.

>>725429936
>frostwire
you mean limewire? yeah cont

>>725430373
I think about that possibility everyday

>>725420538

The technical term for your cousin's mom is your aunt.

>>725430240
I'm not that good at math but probably like 15

>>725430391
Frostwire was also a thing anon

>>725429991
So that would mean you're literally 14 right now.

Awesome.

i put my dick in a drawer hole once

>>725411997
a long time ago i jerked off with dawn dish soap
the next day my dick skin was peeling off and it felt like i had the worst case of herpes
i had to keep peeling the skin off for a week or two
shit was the worst experience ever

>>725430546
either you cant read or you're just fucking retarded.

>>725430427

The ultimate practical joke. Do this to a mature girl who hasnt even been sexually active yet. They find out they're pregnant and have literaly no fuckin clue how it happened.

someone needs to make this happen

>>725430383
I don't see why people waste the resources and time on trying to put down-syndrome people through education, unless they genuinely want it and work very hard for it they will never hold down a job other than envelope sealers. I don't dislike down-syndrome people, they can be a very friendly bunch, I just don't see the point in putting them through education when in actuality they will be having the majority of their life spoon-fed to them.

>>725425746
did the same, but not with a car buffer

>>725430473
Ah, alright. Didn't know that

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>>725411997

>be me horny as fuck
>dick is hard all the time
>when parents were away start rubbingmy dick with underwear on
>next time just started gyrating fingers on my dick with jeans on
> now i have a curved dick to the left because i used to fap in my pants

still regret that because my dick is so curved that it touches my left leg when it is erect instead of being straight

mfw i'm slowly starting to accept it ...

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>6th grade
>have a friend with massive tits, alright face
>no one really liked her because she was weird
>walk her home every day after school
>somehow we ended falling asleep on her bed one day
>wake up with her tits in my face, shes still asleep
>pretend to be moving around in my sleep, grabbing her tits and ass
>she turns over, obviously awake, back facing me
>reach into her panties
>she starts mumbling no
>keep doing it
>get my dick out and start rubbing it between her thighs
>she says fine, just not inside
>start rubbing in between her pussy and panties like in pic related
>have the greatest orgasm of my life
>walk home
>do stuff like this pretty much every day for the entirety of middle school until she moved away, never once had sex with her

>>725425887

looked terrible, but smelled lovely.

>>725412100
fucking kill yourself

>>725430822
As long as it wasn't a sander you're good

>>725430697
Whoops, thought yours was a continuation of
>>725429936

So yes, retarded.