ITT: Autism Stories I'll start >be me >kindergarten

>>725314918
Why did you get yelled at?

This thread has potential. If this doesn't die while I'm typing I might have a few.

>>725315331
Doesn't look like it is

Allright niggers im on mobile so no green text.
Be me about 13 years old. Me and my family used to go on road trips alot because thats all to do in canada. My and my autistic brother thought it was funny to piss on each others feet while in the truck stop bathrooms. As the trips continued shit got more and more retarded. It started from pissing on each others feet to full blow shitting on the floor or even throwing it. On one of the trips it got to far. My brother pissed on my feet while shitting. I got real mad so i reached under my ass and shit in my hand. A nice. Warm. Steamy hot shit. My autistic self thought it would be a good idea to throw it at the ceiling above him. I over fucking threw the shit and it it hit the ceiling and fucking exsoploded everywhere. I with out even wiping pulled my pants up and ran out too our van. The end niggers

>>725316627
I have so many questions

dont let this die im on it

>>725314918
You did good. Everything is fine, you worry too much, Op. I got caught raping my drunk passed out Aunty when I was about 12.

>>725317038
Ask away nigger

>>725318051
>>725316627
I'm starting to think I'm the least retarded person on this thread

>>725317681
I was on a trip with my parents (I was 10-11 I guess) and we ate some mussels. One of those bitches destroyed me, I was feeling dizzy as hell but everything was ok besides that. Then suddenly I had the urge to fart. It was an irrepressible, immense and toxic fart. However, I realized something was wrong. I called my mother: “mom, can you look at my rear?”. There was a big black shit painting my whole pants. She went full mom, grabbed me and carried me to a public bathroom. Imagine the smallest bar with the smallest bathroom on it, and you won’t even get close. She couldn’t even stand erected because the ceiling was too low. So she started pulling out my pants, and shit was literally flowing down my legs. Then I started retching and my mother was yelling at me something like “IF YOU PUKE I SWEAR IM GOING TO KILL YOU”, her hands full of shit. She grabbed me and started cleaning all the mess, put my ass right into the hand dryer, threw my shit-loaded underpants to the bin and we disappeared from that bar and that village forever.

my hot cousin convinced me to fuck and cum inside her cause she wanted to get preggo and lure some guy she liked back from whatever state he ran to. Me being the virgin autist I was agreed, cause she was hot and I always thought so. So I my first time is pretty awesome, except it's my cousin, I remember her dismounting with my cum falling out of her pussy as she staggered to the bathroom, and told me how good I was, but being me I freaked the fuck out and even though she did not get preggo I still ruined any chances I had of smashing that again. Big regrets.

>>725314918
>be me, a few months ago
>use same road everyday to come home from friend's house.
>One road comes out to a T
>House on top side of T
>Would turn off hi beams because I thought the people would get mad at me for having on my bright lights
>Eventually realize autism and stop
>I still don't use my blinker at that stop though.

>>725318337
Dont worry bebes

Be me last night.
Meet tart on beach
Go skinny dipping
Fuck in water
Fuck on sand
Dick is raw AF
I think I have a STD now

>>725318319
How autistic were the both of you?

>>725318914
What you think nigger. Im on /b and i threw shit on the ceiling more then once.

>>725314918
>kindergarten
>lunch time
>raise hand to use restroom
>15 minutes go by
>another 10 minutes
>lunchlady.exe
>"Can I please go to the bathroom? I have to go really bad"
>"nope"
>feel ashamed, confused and sad
>shit pants
>I'm talking 2 days worth of processed food that kids eat shit
>back of pants now look like I'm smuggling cabbages
>smell of 1,000's burning bodies
>mAke it to last hour of the day in school
>kids tell on me saying I smelled like shit
>get sent to clinic
>get laughed at
>they give me girl pants to wear
>send me back to class where I never made a friend for my entire stay in that school

>>725318337
Bro, I got away with rape. What's your definition of retarded?

>>725320113
May I hear your story?

>>725318051
Who caught you?

>>725320240
Started working for a bank and climbed the ladder

>>725320113
>>725320240
Sorry I'm stupid and thought you were a new guy

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Found my older brothers bag of coke and thought it was sugar when I was about 7 years old I think. Tried to be a good grandson and offer my grandparents coffee while we are watching tv.
>use brothers special sugar I found
>grandma has a bad heart
>mfw killed my grandma with coke and didn't even know

>>725320255
My drunk aunty. She let me keep going for an extra minute or so

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not proud of this moment

>>725321194
Never happened

>>725320240
>>725320255
It's like 2 in the morning here and I've been eating prescription meds all day so I can't be arsed to get into details all that much. Basically she used to go out clubbing with my Mum then they'd come back and my aunty would just pretty much strip down to her under wear and pass out anywhere, I'd found and watched a few of my Dads porno videos for a few years at this point so I knew what my dick was for other than pissing. Any way I went down stairs to get a drink, saw my Aunty on the sofa and thought, fuck it why not, pulled down her panties and by this point I was diamonds so I stuck it in her and went at it. Guess I was in the moment a bit too much and didn't realise my Mum had came down stairs and saw what I was doing. She pretty much just told me to "get the fuck back to bed" and never mentioned it again. This wasn't the last time either, I was just more carful in future. On a few occasions I knew my Aunty had woke up and she'd pretend to be sleeping but I guess she's just a pedo or some shit. Oh well, I wasn't complaining kek. Sorry for not going more in depth, I'll green text in the morning so keep an eye out.

>>725322660
Tell that to my grandma
>protip: you can't

>>725322397
This isn't me, even though it's accurate in the fact she'd let me finish every time.

>>725323055
I know, it's your drunken aunty. I lurk too needle dick

>>725316627
lmfao

>>725323298
You were so much prettier back then, you're still a fucking drunk though. You should see it now, puberty did me good, maybe I'll show you one day...

>>725324461
Go ahead, I will pretend not to remember :^)

i sexted a girl today and she has a boyfriend :/

>>725314918
>kills parentz

Had some autistic spaz try and sext me today. Had to awkwardly tell him I had a boyfriend... I don't have a boyfriend

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>>725325318
can i b ur bf

>>725324695
Good, I'll save up a weeks worth of cum just to make up for all the times my orgasms were dry. Kek.

>>725325664
Sry I have a bf

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>>725326048
no you don't. shut up. bitch

>>725319583
Now your parents spend $300 a week on psychology shit cause they're scared of your diaper cross-dressing fetish

>>725319054
>more then once
...go on.

>>725325714
Post some pics of me for the other anons. Your aunty loves being adored

>>725322985
she'd be senile nowadays if she were alive, which she was, until she died of choking on a dick (not a coke overdose you liar)

i was about 5 years old maybe 6 and i was at a friends house, we were playing and everything was fine until i felt like taking a piss i told my friends mom i had to piss and she told me where the bathroom was, so i went there quite fast since i was pissing myself real bad, well i got there but his brother was taking a shit or something and i was so retarded that instead of waiting i went back to play with my friend but sadly i ended up pissing myself. That didnt bother me, we kept on playing and everything i remember my pants were so fucking soaked in piss it was quite uncomfortable however after a while the piss dried out and i still remember my friends mother asking me if i went to the bathroom and i told her: "No i didnt, but the piss in my pants is dry now so im fine"

>>725326810
It wasn't an overdose, the coke gave her a heart attack

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>Be me
>Have crush on qt 3.14 for 2 months
>still beta kissless virgin
>shes way out of my league
>start flirting
>happiest I've been in a while
>one night get a text at the end of convo
>"goodnight my true love"
>fuckyes.jpg
>autism kicks in, reply with "what. oh yah goodnight"
>go to school next day
>realize i should probably ask her out after all that
>she avoids me all day
>eventually get to ask, she says no
>turns out she sent it to the wrong person
>pic related

>>725327183
Wooowee that's some grade a autism right there. That's unfortunate friend

>>725327183
Damn we could weaponize that autism and kill somebody

>be me
>middle school
>social outcast and was pretty awkward to be around most of the time
>watched a lot of anime and was the "edgy" type
>other girl in class was also into that kind of stuff
>as awkward as the both of us were we hooked up
>broke up three months later because we were pretty dramatic
>she asks me out again with some sappy love shit like "I wanna be with you forever"
>"sorry, you wouldn't wanna be with me because I'm dangerous"
>bow my head down and walk away trying to look dramatic
>continued acting out life as if it were some anime rest of the year
My die inside every time I think about it.

>>725327839
Cringe worthy indeed

>>725327839
REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED REDPILLED

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>>725316627

>>725314918
I used to draw them on my history book.

It's just stupid shit kids do.

>>725327183
your story hit me so hard that my heart just pulled a knife and cut his own veins

>>725328694
Cringing as hard as this reply as I did at the original story

>>725328922
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCiFO7qV54E

>>725329093
Not opening that shit nigger

>>725318630
why does this have no replies . . . .

>>725329516
Open it. It was worth it. Trust me I'm OP

>>725314918
>be me
>be second grade
>went to a semi-Catholic school
>religion class was only for Catholics
>non-catholics leave the class
>saw my other classmates play while we learn about Jesus
>raised my hand and told my teacher I'm a Muslim
>extrabreak.webm
>exam day
>religion was the last test
>non-catholics leave early
>fast forward a couple of weeks
>received my report card
>religion was blank
>mom was furious
>went to school to ask why
>teacher and mom were both confused
>arentyoumuslim.jpg
>mom was so embarrassed that she beat the Islam out of me when we got home
That's how Jesus touched my heart

>>725329808
>beat the Islam out of me when she got home
$0fT k3k m8

>>725318836
What?

>be me
>lived in a third-world shithole
>dated a trans nigger
>reggae.jpg
>showed me this reggae singer Matisyahu
>dressed in a hardcore kikebook costume
>didn't know kikes exist
>I thought they were fictional Bible characters
>I thought it was just his style
>fast forward
>moved to Toronto
>second day
>mom took me to a drug store in a kike area
>saw Matisyahu
>awwwyisss.webm
>told my mom he's a singer
>mom was confused as fuck
>I wanted his autograph
>mom told me that he's just an old Jew
>getoutofhere.rar
>told me to turn around
>4 more Matisyahus
>I couldn't believe it

>>725331013
Lol idk which is more retarded not knowing Jews are things or you fucking a tranny

>>725316627
>implying it's hard to greentext on mobile

i was in school in second grade playing in the playground everything was fine until all of a sudden i started to feel sick i got cold and i started sweating and it hit me, i knew what was happening i had to take a shit but i didnt like shitting in school in fact ive never done it before, ive never even taken a shit outside my house, so i started to freak the fuck out cause i was getting out of school in like 4 hours. So having "shitting outside home" phobia i decided to hold it in. A bad idea since there was no way i was gonna hold all that steamy liquid rotten shit for 4 hours. So play time is over im back in class sitting down clenching my anus i can hear the teacher talking in the background and kids talking and laughing, time seemed to go by so slowly a voice in my head kept saying "dont shit yourself everything is gonna be over soon" and i wasnt wrong cause a few seconds later i shat myself. oh boi i can still remember how it felt, the panic as a stream of shit made its way through my leg leaving a pool of the most toxic vile human waste on the floor just below my seat. I was in shock but somehow i managed to get up go over to the teacher and tell her my misfortune. She took me to the fancy bathroom they had for teachers she told me to take my clothes off and to not be embarrassed, she then proceded to furiously suck my cock, na jk, she cleaned me as best as she could with toilet paper and some water i remember looking down my leg the stream of liquified feces had gotten inside my shoe as well, i distinctly recall my shit stained socks as i glanced over to my clothes and realised they were all soaked in shit. I thought i was gonna wait in the bathroom until my parents brought me new clothes, but my cunt teacher had other plans she wanted to go on with the class, so i had to go back to class only wearing the school uniform that was thankfully shit free. The uniform was above knee so i was almost fucking naked in class after shitting myself for like 2 hours.

>>725331151
Tranny? He's not a tranny. He's a Trans-nigger. Not a fucking tranny

>>725327183
i dont get it did she want you or not???

>>725331654
Tranny nigga if you ask me

>>725331929
Nah.. Trans-nigger like Rachel Dolezal

>>725318869
Likely from the friction plus the salt water and/or sand. Sounds more like that than an STD. Go get checked if you're worried though.

>>725332029
Idk what that is. Tranny

>>725332377
He identify himself as a nigger.

>>725314918
>still ashamed
you must genuinely be autistic

When I was like 12, my dad took me to some science lecture thing because I was hella into practical science.

Note I say practical science. I was a spergy ADHD fueled asshole so anything that didn't involve keeping me active meant I'd scream on the inside.

Anyway so I got bored to fuck about half an hour in so I went to the toilet to let out some scream. As in, my internal autistic screeching became external autistic screeching.

So I'm in there REEing for a bit and I get it outta my system and I take a crap and feel better so I walk out and there's my dad and this concerned looking lady, and that's when I realise that there's only a few vented doors between the loo and talk room, and literally everyone was sat in there listening to me go full retard while the talk-guy patiently carried on.

There were many parents. Many of them glared at my dad. Whoops.

>>725332646
You made Pepe proud

>>725329808
That's not autistic
You saw a chance to make your life better and took it

>>725325318
It's better to be straight up, especially with autistic people. Not taking hints is one of the most common symptoms, assuming you mean he's actually autistic or at least meets most of the criteria. The way he'll likely see it is that he still has a chance if he outdoes your boyfriend, something that won't be hard in his mind when he never sees evidence of the boyfriend. He'll either think the guy is a shit boyfriend that's never around or know you're lying. The former will make him go after you even harder and the latter makes you a liar and knowing someone lied to avoid him will (rightfully) hurt his feelings even more. If you're direct about this he will know, in no uncertain terms, that you don't want to date him. You won't need to cover that up with more lies and such. Not only that but you can avoid breaking his heart worse than you need to. You don't want to ruin the poor kid and make him scared to try to ask out someone else in the future for fear of more betrayal, lies, and heartbreak. What you probably think is letting him down easy is actually the worst type of rejection there is.

>>725332949
By skipping religion class?

>>725331287
Well if that story of his is true, then you can tell that he's retarded

>>725331151
He means that the guy is non-black but identifies as black. He's a trans-nigger in the same way that a male that identifies as female is a transwoman. I think it's retarded too, just helping to clear things up.

>>725333352
Bingo!

>>725332847
Kek

>>725318836
Elaborate please. What the heck is a T?

>>725333115
Exactly
I always dreamed from skipping religion class but stupid German schoolright let's you have stupid moral lectures instead

>>725333341
You are probably right Anon

>>725333812
I've had some German students stay at my house before (long story) and they were telling me how you have to go to a different high school to go to college. If you didn't go, you didn't go to college and became a baker or something. He was actually interested at how we accept people not entirely by grades, but by who we are as a person and what we've done.

>>725314918
>Story is stolen
>OP is a fag

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>>725314918

>Be me 5th grade techsavy
>teacher cant operate a remote let alone a projector
> I'LL HELP! I know computers!
>Come to the front anon, help me
>We are learning about eating healthy
>Find a video of your favourite food anon
>Cant remember what a sauage roll is called, try a few things sauage twist, meat roll.. what is it called
>Try in M E A T S P I N and hit enter
>whole class of 10 year olds scarred for life
>I'm suspended
>Teacher dismissed
>Saw her down the street years later
>At a bakery
>Buying a sausage roll
>mfw

>>725333812
I'd rather have a religion class than grow up to be an immoral edgy atheist

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>be me, 16
>14 year old brother has mouse in filthy ass room
>I'm a hunter and am into shooting as well as film-making
>compile footage of brother literally destroying entire room (smashing guitar, throwing shit everywhere, etc.) with him posing with my crossbow with that "there's a rat in the kitchen" song by UB40.
>brother is so fed up with mouse interrupting his dark souls time that he tries to get me to hang out with him with my .22
>says if we trap the mouse he wants to kill it executioner style with the .22
>is so angry at it that he considers burning it
>catch it but it's too cute
>release it far away

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>>725335409
That was the right thing to do.

>>725314918
>be 10 yr old self
>autism and faggotry on default
>watching sailor moon and decide itd be a good idea to wear moms bra and jump on the bed singing the opening theme
>dad sees
>deliberately starts fist fights with me to this day because he thinks im homosex

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>>725329808
>mom was so embarrassed that she beat the Islam out of me when we got home

Fucking beautiful.

>>725336059
Are you straight now ?

>>725336059
He's just trying to build up your character.

>>725336424
yeah, thank you dad

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>>725327133

>Be me in 9th grade health class
>on google classroom
>someone opens chat
>my class is full of idiots so that was a big mistake
>discover that typing www. then adding words then adding .com would create a link to whatever website you typed
>decide to take all of these spamming idiot's comments and turn them into websites just to see what happens
>someone types KKK
>decide to type "www.KKK.com" because i'm stupid
>someone clicks it
>it's an actual fucking website
>get suspended
>quickly post link to meatspin as a goodbye present

>>725318630
Pic of
Cousin?

>>725331013
Matisyahu is the man! He doesn't look like a Hasidic Jew anymore tho

>>725334505
What makes you think I'm immoral or edgy?
My religious teacher, and after that my moral lectures teacher, where just cunts and the lectures where boring as fuck

>>725332847
I hate what Pepe has become. Fucking autists and right wingers ruined it. I miss "The Boys Club" era

>>725337854

I know. Ther was a kid i knew in 8th grade who would not shut the fuck up about how "pepe has achieved nirvana" and all that crap.

>>725338229
Fucking annoying. Once memes got on Facebook they died

>>725314918
>be me
>sophomore in highs cool
>have friend
>call him jc
>one day me cj and other friends from school go to corn maze place
>enjoy corn maze, slides, bouncy blob thing, various corn snacks...etc
>parents were at event.
>they all tell us to gather around the camp fire and cook some hotdogs
>with jc
>take hot dog bun out to make hot dog
>everyone is around us, friends and parents of said friends
>look at hotdog bun and tell jc
>"look like a broken hymen.."
>everyone went silent
>i shout it out simultaneously
>...
>we continue on, but the pain still lingers with me
>couple months later
>cj gets called to principle office druing our lunch
>doesn't show up for a couple weeks
>mom has aneurysm
>everyone supports him
>changes his life
>lay awake at night and try to remember the times i met her.
>TFW the last thing she heard me say to her son was "that looks like a broken hymen:
>still feel bad about it
>she died and the only thing she most likely remembers me by is what i said.
>i still feel so uncomfortable about it.

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>>725318836
Naw man, I do that too. All the time. Especially out in the country where there aren't a lot of street lights. Your just empathetic and respectful to strangers

>>725338229
Pepe was around when you were in the 8th grade?

Jesus fuck, I am getting old...

>>725327839
>implying that's not alpha as fuck

Yeah, okay. This one is p bad.

>be me
>goofy, socially maladjusted 8th grader
>year younger than everyone else because skipped 3rd grade
>haven't even really hit puberty yet
>meet this girl named Kylie
>qt as fuck, redhead. She was impressed at how well I gave a speech in some bullshit class
>we start hanging out
>advance a few months
>parents are gonna take me to a Radiohead concert
>offer to let Kylie come along
>fuck yeah I like Kylie
>get to the concert, everything is going fine
>we're down by the stage watching Thom Yorke have a fucking seizure
>people are smoking weed all around us
>shit is cash
>Kylie ends up in front of me
>decide to put my arms around her or some shit
>she's uncomfortable with it, trying to move away (didn't realize this at the time)
>keep pulling her back towards me
>basically humping her
>this continues for most of the concert
>fast forward a few weeks
>Kylie has been weird and distant
>her best friend is in the class with me
>acting super bitchy
>ask her why
>"Well MAYBE because you were GRINDING ON MY BEST FRIEND for like an HOUR"
>class is dead silent
>mfw I realize what I've done
>mfw I'm a creep
>burst into tears
>hide in the bathroom
>still hang out with Kylie on occasion but she's always cold and distant
>move away later that year

Still hurts all these years later.

>>725338949

this is making me kek so hard

bump for tism

>>725329808
Fucking kek, saved

Fucking Kill yourself
Autistic cunt.

Niggers
>Niggers

>be me
>Be autism
>Get autism bucks
>Find girl
>Also autism
>Also autism bucks
>Lots of sex
>Move in together with collective bucks
>Have child
>Get gov bucks
>Tfw child will so get autism bucks
>Tfw living pretty okay with collective bucks and bought a Ryzen 1800x build with it

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>>725339933
nice repeating digits creep.

>>725339159

I meant to write 10th. don't know why the hell i wrote 8th

>>725316627
>be me
>be on mobile
>be greentext

Kill yourself you fucking useless cunt

>>725325150
>>725325318
Coincidence?

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>>725342175

>>725334452
Fake and gay

>>725342175
Kek