Welcome to "My Suicidal Testicles Trilogy Part 1: "What

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My Suicidal Testicals: Part 2 "Stitch Up"

>Be me, suicide nuts
>20 years old now, working full time after flunking uni
dailygrind.jpg
>Working as a sail maker, yea sail maker
>Sweatshopbitch.exe
>Using a hand sewing need to sew parts onto a sail
>Needle is stuck
>Hulk mode activated use a hand palm and smack the fucker
>It penetrates all the way, and I little further then i would have liked
>Never work on your lap
>Cluster fuck sammich
>Sail, my jeans, my undies, my ball sack...
>5 inch needle, 2/3rds of which was not in my pants
>Panic, run calmdown.exe
>I tried to tug it out of my sack, nope
>I push it through the sail the last inch and a bit moving my hips back so the needle dosent go deeper and tear my sack open again (once in a life is enough for me)
>Calmdown.exe has stopped responding
>I stand but forget about the thread
>Thismotherfucker.jpeg
>This sail litterally has my by the balls
>Cut thread
>Nonchalant walk to bath room, hand covering my crotch and the 2 5 inch pins that are now in my pants
>Its starting to hurt now
>Left hand goes down pants to hold my sack back right grabs the exposed end of the needle
>Teeth gritted I pull aaaaaand nothing
>Needle is lubed with wax and i need pliers for a better grip
>Tool area on other side of building ffffuuuu
>Take a quick breather, pray to every god and memes alike but forgot to pray to Anon, big mistake
Cont.

>>724307391
Do continue.
I'm skeptical but curious

Part 2: "Stitch Up" Cont.

>Manage to get to tools after some mission impossible lvl grey manning and take pliers.
>So close to relief I can feel it in my..balls
>Co work realises somethings up as i return to toilet
"Hey Anon, using the shitter again"
>Panic.exe is posting large cpu usage
"Haha yeah I...ahh.. I got"
>OH fuck pepe rid me of my existance plz
"Haha i got diarrhea..."
>Dignity andddditsgone.jpeg
>I dont give a fuck at this point, nope outta there
>Back in bathroom now
Pliers work, needle comes straight out
>Thank fuck!
>Return to my work, the wax on the needle stopped the bleeding but fuckk it was so itchy
>For the next 6 hours i could not stop scrathing and causing more pain
>Pretended to use to bathroom to cover my story while everyone paid me out about having the shits
>Sailmakers are weird
>Get home, quick fap to check they were still functional
>Cry

Writing part 3 "Its a bird! Its a plane! Nope its my Sack" now

>>724307677
Fuckin right you sailmakers are weird.
>hey guys stabbed my dick with a needle, probs gunna go pull it out.
>sure, don't see why not?
Not fucking sailmakers though.
I'm saying I'm shitting myself instead.
>go you! All dat Uni paying off

>>724307677
If all this testicular abuse is true..
>do they still work? iswhatimsayin

>>724307541
This all happen to me, I have added some autistic flair

>>724308077
Well 50% of them do

>>724307677
Do they still work?

>>724308419
So 1.5 of them?

>>724307677
Did you jizz any wax?

>>724307677
check'd

So where's part 3?

Part 3 "Its a Bird.. Its A Plane! Its my Sack"

>18 months is all I made it before the next 'incident'
>At gfs house
>Watch a romcom fml
>We start getting frisky and head up to her room
>Proceed to jack rabbit her
>Nice went down without a hitch
>She want water, i want bed but im a gentlefag
>Her rents are home so I grab one of her onsies
>It has a zip from crotch to neck
>I have suicidal balls
> Half way out door as i zip it up
>Sack stuck in giant fucking stupid YKK zip fly
>bitchmoan.mp4
>I let out a whine
"You ok Anon, what happen"
>The left hand side of my sack is stuck in zip
> In the moment I was scared to show her, i cant turn around
>dramatic head turn to her while i try keep myself from screeming
"Nothing, I ah stubbed my toe"
>Her mum is in only toilet
>Im in hall way with my dick still out fiddling with zip
> Its like someone is pinching my ball sack as hard as they can
> I go the only place I can think
>Closetfag.exe
>2 mins in a dark closet i fiddled with that zip
>Toilet flushes Mum on her way out
>Footsteps approach the closet down the hall way
>I CANT BE SEEN LIKE THIS
>Knowing my sack has been through worse i just fucking reef the zip open
>like peeling a bandaid off both your eyes at once
> A few tears roll down my pain stricken Idiot face
>Mum walks past closet and into her room
>sigh thank fuck

Cont

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bump

Took you a half hour to write that part, I can't wait another half hour for the rest of this story!

If you are for real, post a photo of your scarred balls.

Hay i'm a guy from the land between oder and vistula, it's 8:32 at the morning when I'm wtiting this, i get mega drunk, i spended all night drinking, and i want to fuckin kill myself.
i didn't read what was in this thread before i'm too drunk with cheap beer. i live on 11 floor(12 american way) just two fuckin steps to fuckin eternal peace. and i'm out of courage. someone wanna help me. if you teach me how use my phone camera to stream it, i'll do it.
c'mon faggets I'm here for 7 years or something you can help me once

>Anons emerges from Tom Cruises favorite place
>Gf is standing in her door way
>The most awakward and intense stare down follows
> GF turns into her room, says nothing
>I need a minute
>Get GF water and return
>She thinks I was jerking off in closet
>I tell her what happened and she giggled
>She know about my previous encounters of fate and believes my but wants proof
>I show GF the missing hairs on my ball sack and the few that remain scattered around where the zip captured me
>Next morning, GF is missing
>MFW My balls are suicidal and cock blocking me
>I roll over and see and ice pack and a note
Note reads: "Make sure they work, youll want them to when I get back"
Winning.jpeg
>Gf returns 30 monutes later with breakfast, coffee and one of the best blow jobs Ive ever had
> Shes joked about it ever since then
>Balls is love, balls is life"

>>724310599
dubs says so, do it OP

Feelsbadman.jpg

>>724310612
We are here to read about ballsack abuse. At least fuck your ballsack up first cut it open

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>>724310763
>>724310599

As you wish

>>724311235
This dude super slow at talking but super quick with the dick pic

>>724311206
dude, i've tried to cut mysself tonight but i don't have a knife sharp enough, fuckin soviet knifes

>>724311347
Very Agree

>>724311396
why don't you just kill yourself?

>>724311235
I believe you are true. Now, let's continue the journey of scarred balls please.

>>724307163
Okay, I got one for you.

>Be me
>19 year old about to graduate HS
>Hanging out with friends in room
>Bored one day
>Ask friend to slice my nutsack with a razor
>For fun you know?
>She laughs and ask if I'm sure
>I say yeah as she readies the razor over my nutsack
>You ready
>Yeah just fucking do it
>she slices clean through the skin of the sack
>I yell holy shit and look at it
>I see a white nut through the slashed scrotum
>blood immediately covers it and starts pooling out
>Friends all laughing out me as I freak out
>Holy fuck holy fuck what am I going to do!?
>Waddle to bathroom to get toilet paper to soak up blood
>She runs to get it for me
>Keep soaking it up but it keeps pooling out
>Decide it needs to be closed
>Spend the next ten minutes taping it with toilet paper so it closes
>3 weeks later it is fully healed
>Never regretted having my friend cut my nutsack with a razorblade

>>724311609
i would like to, but also i don't want anyone to take my things

I fucking lost.

>>724311235
I have a similar scar on my sack.

My story's not as interesting.

I was at school, and by habit I was sliding up in my seat... and I twisted a nut.
Apparently I was a pale ghost, but I kept my poker face up the entire team feelsgoodman

And now I always lift myself up to reposition.

Ok since we want the story to continue ill write up part 4, how I actually lost function in 1 testie.
"You Must Be Nuts" the Prequel to the Trilogy

>>724311235
lmao

>>724311968
Glad theres a fellow member of the twist club amoung us

You need to rename this story to:
My pathetic lack of self control and basic motor skills.

Do you have any anal accidents?

>>724311771
Thats fucked man

>>724311771
wot

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>>724312037
its probably going to suck, take it from me prequels never work out

>>724311609
also i want to stream it for you faggets ao tell me how to do it

>>724312305
Hahah that got me

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>>724311968
ffs holy kuk as far as i can tell from this thread, its possible to get ur bolloks twisted to the point where surgery is needed. FUCK. i often get them slightly twisted and i can tell. Jesus so there is a chance that THIS will happen next. FUcK

someone screencap this, and include me in it

>>724312998
no

Great thread, will be saying a prayer for OPs nuts tonight

>>724313063
:(

Part 4 "You must be Nuts" a prequal to the "My Suicidal Testicals" (AKA My pathetic lack of self control and motor skills) Trilogy

>be me 7 years old
>mountain bike for Christmas
Thelawdisgood.jpeg
>mountain bike trip with AnonDad and AnonBro
>I cashed in my Bday present early for a full faced helmet
>Its safer, for your head atleast
>Day 3 of trip, last day
>AnonBro wants to do a steep track
>AnonDad
"Will you be able to handle it Anon?"
>Anon tells AnonDad
"Im probably better then you, I havent even fallen this trip"
>My balls make a mental note of that
>3hr ride, were in the middle of bum fuck no where
>Super steep loose rock hill, trees either side of me
>AnonBro goes first, easy
>AnonDad and myself decide to go down together, slowly...
>I decide i wanna stick it to AnonDad
Ohshitwhatup.jpeg
>speed up, way to fast

Cont

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good thread

k, fuck you all /b/, tell the rest that one of you died today in loneliness

>>724313548
why the fuck this gif gave me a boner??

>>724312184
Thanks man.

>>724312181
Not really accidents. They were on purpose.

>Be me
>15 years old in winter
>Only stuck small things up my ass so far and took one dick for a quarter of a cigarette in a church bathroom
>Ask friend through phone if she'll fuck me with a cucumber
>She says yes but on conditions
>It has to be with no lube
>Has to be the biggest one they have
>I head over the store to grab a cucumber
>It has those bumps on it
>Skin is not slick at all
>Really nervous the cashier is going to know it's going in my ass
>No suspicious looks smile act natural so everything is good
>Take it there and her boyfriend is there
>He seems really offput but she is totally gungho about it
>Get against the wall with my pants down
>She grabs it and with a humor exuding her voice and makes sure I'm ready
>She says she's going
>I say okay
>She starts to do it
>It's completely dry
>It's sticking to the asshole skin so bad
>burns like fuck as it's going
>It fucking hurts so bad
>OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK
>She says I have to keep going
>You have to take it
>I keep crying and bitching
>IS IT IN IS IT IN MY FUCKING SHIT IT HURTS
>The whole time she is pushing it in farther without pulling it out any farther
>Tears streaming from my eyes
>PLEASE STOP PLEASE FUCKING STOP I CANT TAKE ANYMORE
>She finally stops and shows me the two inches of length from the 2 inch wide cucumber that were in my asshole
>Asshole hurts for weeks
>blood when I shit
>Hurts when I walk
>Can't even fart without pain
>I get depressed
>Lose all hope in life
>Start cutting my asshole

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>>724313647
what about this one?

>>724313832
also, something is wrong with me?

>>724313832
why????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

>my left nut decides he dosent want to exist in this world any more
>I lose contol of the bike
>Stones kick up hitting AnonDad in the face
>Trees, lots of trees
>Some a thin and look softer
>Left nut wants to go with a bang, like a litteral bang
>AnonDad scream
"OHH FUCKIN HELL"
>AnonBro screams break!
>No shit AnonBro
>I dissapear into the trees
>What followed was an odly peacful moment
>I though I was actaully going to die but fullface helmet wasnt going to left me go, no not while i had one nut that wasnt suicidal
> I slammed into a tree
> Momentum carrys me foward while bike remains still
>The handle bar twist and my Left nutc catches it as I fly to the right
>I cant be too sure cause my head slammed the tree but I think i heard a sickening pop
>Like the bubble wrap of nightmares pop
> I wake up in local hick doctors room.
>AnonBro had cycled the rest of the train and called for an offroad medic while AnonDad stayed with me
>They left my bike there cause it was broken
Feelsbadman.jpeg
For a couple weeks after I had check and and Ultrasounds almost everyother day

Cont.

>>724313985
yes very

>>724313548
Look up how it is done with steer. They have special devices you can use to make it easier. You can also get a syringe and inject tannic acid into your scrotum, but you keep your nuts that way. Some people into BDSM with experience in castration might do it for you if they get to know you. Easiest way is to take some opiates, drive to a hospital, slice down your nutsack, pull testicles out, cut the cords, tie off the sack, put on a rag to soak up the blood, and head in to the ER.

>>724314039
shit, i knew it

>>724313985
You have a fetish for castration? Ironically, if you removed them, you would eventually not be able to feel such pleasure that you get from these pictures anymore.

>>724314131
this is why autism needs to be exterminated

>The doctors said my nut would probably work but at a reduced capacity
>30ish% capacity
>Went for a check after my 1st story cause i twisted my right nut that time
>Doc said it was 25%smaller then last time and probably even worse performance wise
>Havent had a check since but I can still Jizz so it cant be that bad hey?
>to this day i think my right nut just wants to be with the left in the after life hence all this shit
>Gotta gove it to him, hes tried his best. Maybe next time

FIN

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>>724310752
GOAT ending

>>724314407
don't warry i don't plan to reproduce

>>724310752
Bravo very nice story, better than hollywood shit. I would watch a movie about your balls.

>>724307391
Should've prayed to Kek.

>>724314491
some rich fuck needs to make a movie about this man's nuts

>>724314489
Jesus, i hope so

>>724311771
>blood starts pooling out
>friends all laughing at me
you have some terrible friends
are you sure they didn't just gang up on you and do it to you? I don't believe you did it for fun.

Are you the guy in the group that everyone abuses for entertainment?

>>724314656
>i wanna die

>>724308645
Are you retarded?

If there is a movie I want my Left Nut to be played by Micheal Cera and my Right Nut played by Terry Crews

>>724314811
well he's on /b/

>>724313832
>man mods
you ain't a man anymore. that's the last "man mod" ""he"" will have

>>724314656
>I don't believe you did it for fun
I did kek. I've asked for a lot of other things that are just as bad. She doesn't let me back out.

>Are you the guy in the group that everyone abuses for entertainment?
Yes, that's me alright. I had a lot of fun in the process, so it was totally worth it.

>>724314828
omfg
where's the jew that inherited a fuckton of money?
we need him for this

>>724314803
That's why they do it.

>>724315084
how deeply do you wanna kill yourself

>>724315164
There's no fun to be had as a dead man.

>>724313139
Its to late for that man, but cheers

>>724313832
is there someone in central europe who would like to perform something like this on me

>be me
>HS
>friend asks if i want to play soccer with his buddies
>let's call him M
>we get there
>i'm on fire as always
>nutmeg gallore
>ak 3000 flying around the field
>back to the story
>M's friends were pretty cool
>we had a rule about shooting the ball out of the field
>"you shoot you raise it"
>you shoot you get the ball
>friemd of M shoots ball over a fence (fucking retard)
>i don't even know their names
>fence has no bar on top so there are pointy points of pointy metal pointing out on top
>pic related w/o the top bar
>back to the story
>he climbs over the fence
>pointy point stuck in balls
>"guys, don't laugh bu-"
>he falls down the fence (to our side)
>"AHHHHHH MY BALLS MY BALLS THEY HURT"
>lil me thought balls were storage for cummies so no blood
>think he has cum
>M's sides are non-existent
>everyone just stares
>i flee from the crimesite
>>>next day.
>"sowhat happened to mr.balls?"
>"they dead nigga"
>"ok, i want a rematch"

Excuse my story drifting i am HDHD and Autismo

I got 2other stories

>he told me to

>night to remember

Choose

>>724316742
both, cumwad

>>724317658
>he told me to

>be me
>college coolboy
>friend tells me a story (let's call him T)
>his mom works at the hospital (emergency unit)
>his mom told him a story about some psycho
>mom works as usual
>some dude walks in with closed hand
>he walks up to T's mom
>"hey miss.. please don't freak out"
>miss T:"what ? How can i help you sir?"
>dude:"yeah so don't yell but"
>*opens hand*
>dude:"i need you to freeze my balls"
>miss T: "excuse me wh-"
>*shoves his balls into miss T's hand*
>dude:"please, the voice in my head told me to freeze my balls"
>dude:"i wonder if i can still ejaculate"
>miss T calls the cops while he heads to the toilets

She didn't yellbecause she has seen some weird shit.
You have togive me props for not making a "Mr.T fools" joke.

>>724316742
>night to remember.

My step-bro's friemd told me his heart breaking story

>be negroid humanoid
>works hard everyday
>gets home
>goes to bed
>wakes up in the middle of the night
>white bed is red
>"WHAT THE FUCK"
>rushed to the hospital
>gets operated
>11 AM: He arrives home
>momma: "johnnie where did you go to nigga ?!"
>johnnie boy: "momma don yell bu my bed is nasty af"
>mohmha: "nigga what ?"
>yung blood: "while i was sleeping my ball twisted"
>mother: "excuse me johnathan ?"
>johnathan: "yes mother they had to remove one of my testicles due to breakdance sleep habit"

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>this entire thread