I miss you dad. It's been six months since you passed and

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Posting my favorite wallpapers that make me feel I suppose. Even if no one actually sees this thread, I had to make it. It's fleeting, and in that, is comfort I think.

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So what's /b/ listening to tonight?

>>724111924
hey i feel for you man. im sorry that happened

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>>724112665
Thanks anon. I'm surprised to even get a reply. I hope your life goes well

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Pretty sure tonight is my last night. Anyone have recommendations for a good parting drink?

>>724111924
I feel you op.
Not really affected by a loss but just generally a fuck up at life. Going to start therapy tomorrow, but I'm wondering if it's even worth it.
I don't enjoy anything anymore, everything and everyone pisses me off.
I never asked for this shit...

>>724113026
whiskey on the rocks? ionno. Don't kill yourself imo but drink some nice drinks, but if you are gonna kill yourself at least get a minimum 60 dollar bottle of whiskey beforehand. shits lit

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>>724113068
I'm sorry friend. I would like to say keep your chin up, things will get better. But I can't. I hope you try to stick it out though, for what it's worth.

Go to therapy. Can't give it quits without saying you tried right?

>>724113068
>I never asked for this shit...
No, but you were handed virtually boundless options. It appears you have made some bad choices - you can get to choose again

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>>724113181
I'll give it a try. Thanks anon.

>>724113187
Thanks friendo, I will try.
I can't check out for as long as my family or at least my mom is around.
Can't do that her, so I will just have suffer for a while longer. That's the one thing I can and must do even if it destroys me.

Ever get that feeling that you are a specie entirely of your own with only a vague idea of what it means to be human?
Dunno, either my isolation is eroding my sanity or I have reached perfect self-reflection.

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So I've decided on a good whiskey on the rocks. Any recommendation for a good ending song?

>>724113390
That listless feeling of isolation is depression anon. If there is any chance of you getting better, please realize this. You can claw your way out of this hole eventually.

>>724113300
>you have made some bad choices

It might not even look like that to an outside observer. I never had trouble with the law, I have no debt, I haven't abused drugs to the point of it affecting my life.
I just drifted trough life on my own, never commiting to anything and now I'm just an empty husk without achievements or goals.

>>724113487
>never commiting to anything and now I'm just an empty husk without achievements or goals
>you have made some bad choices
I never mentioned drugs or the law.

>>724111924
My dad is getting old. I'm not sure how I'll handle him passing.

>>724113541
I know, I just meant that I'm not fucked in a dramatic and obvious way.

I certainly have made some bad decisions out of fear and/or apathy.

>>724113579
It hurts like a mother fucker. I hope you know how to compartmentalize your emotions, otherwise good chance you won't get up from the knockdown.
>Took care of my terminally ill father for 6 years
>Since I was 17. Almost 24 in may. Died 6 months ago.
>thought I was prepared for it. Lots of time to prepare.
>Massive stroke. Fucker still hung on for almost a week until he died of exhaustion.
>Told him it was okay to pass.
>Hate myself everyday since

>>724113454
It absolutely is, no question.
It's just that I have felt more or less like this for as long as I can remember.
Only difference is that I used to distract myself with video games from how awful and detached I felt.
Guess I just can't imagine what it's like to be genuinely happy and in control of your fear, you know?

>>724113594
>I certainly have made some bad decisions out of fear and/or apathy.
So choose differently. If you don't like what you have, then you're the only one that can change it. But whining about your situation on /b/ will not change anything, if you get sympathetic responses the people responding don't know you and are not your friends and you're becoming tiresome now, so I'll wish you good day.

>>724113731
>>Hate myself everyday since
Why?

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>>724113817
I lied. Told him it was okay to leave. That I'll be okay. That maybe if there is some sort of after, we'll meet again. A friend of mine has this belief of reincarnation. I told it to him to make it easier. I lied anon. I lied to my own dad

>>724113780
I did not force you to respond or engage with me in any way. I am taking steps to get better, what I choose to in the meantime doesn't need to concern you one bit.
But you call whining I call voicing my fears and worries to people who's judgement doesn't matter precisely because they don't know me and aren't my friends.

A good day to you too.

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>>724113775
I hope you actually get some help anon. Distractions can only take you so far, but if you keep depending on them, this void you feel will only deepen.

And yeah, I understand your inability to imagine a better state. I've given up anon. Don't be like me please.

>>724113939
>Told him it was okay to leave
It was OK for him to leave. It was obviously his time, and the actual decision was his (to a degree).

>That maybe if there is some sort of after, we'll meet again
I don't believe there is but I have no proof.

Also, he would probably have realised that you were telling him things to help you deal with the situation, and he'd have been OK with that.

>>724114058
Seems like you are very much depressed yourself, you recognize that this feeling can be temporary and what steps need to be taken.

Yet you chose to do nothing.
Are you being hyperbolic? Are you waiting for something? What do you want? Death?

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>>724114122
Truth dubs? In any which case, I don't believe in any sort of after, but I hope there is some sort of do over for people who deserve it. He was in pain most of his life.

>My exwife wasn't even there with me.
>was highschool sweethearts.
>Didn't come down when got the news he was passing.
>Barely interacted with me at all
>Both hate and love her still
>Almost miss her as much as my father

>>724111924
Just getting off /b/ for now to go for my morning run, so I'll keep it short. Just know that life gets better and you have the power to be happy. That's what your Dad would want. Life is a short little dance in the grand scheme of things, so all you really should do is follow your inner dreams and desires. Follow your intuition and your life purpose. If you don't have a purpose in life yet, keep looking. It'll be worth it. In the meantime, it's absolutely fine to be sad and depressed. Don't resist it. Embrace it. After you realize that it's just an emotion, you can choose to let go of it by not feeding it negative, depressing thoughts. Don't label the pain feelings you have as "bad". It's just a feeling of pressure somewhere in your body Just let it be, and don't resist it. You'll see what I mean when you realize that you actually have control over how you feel.

I know that life sucks right now, but if it helps, just know you're in my thoughts, and I'm sending positive wishes to you. Go do something good with your day and try to let go of the depressing thoughts. You have that power within you, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Everything will be fine. Take care.

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>>724114237
Yeah, perhaps I'm depressed. I can recognize that feelings can be temporary and what steps to take, but I can only keep moving for so long.

It isn't that I choose to do nothing anon, It's that I desire the option with the lease amount of suffering I think. I don't think I'm waiting for something. Maybe I am. Maybe she'll come back. Maybe I'll die in my sleep. I want both equally.

>>724114378
I have nothing to say but simply thank you anon. I mean it, I appreciate the notion, more than I can articulate. I hope your life goes well anon, even though we'll never speak again. Perpendicular lines I suppose and all that shit.

>>724114570
I guess I can understand that.
That sounds painfully like me with only a few word rearranged here and there.

I'll give this therapy thing a shot and see where it takes me, maybe I get ahead of this thing yet.
I hope you get whatever you need out of life anon, whatever that maybe, and find some peace. Take care.

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>>724111924
Maybe it will get better

keep fighting

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stan

>>724115336
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOMhN-hfMtY

>>724115086
Goodbye anon. May you find your peace.

>>724115189
What is this anon?

>>724115336
Not a bad recommendation. Thanks anon.

Thread is kill. Good bye anons

>>724115629
You made me emotional. I hope things get better for you anon. I'll keep you in my mind. Good bye.

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>>724111924
Dude if that is true i am sorry.
But on the other hand ..that is life.. we all will lose our parents and grandparents at some point.
I know ..this will make it not easier..but ...i think you wrote something about you took care of him.
I bet my ass your dad would have wished that you now start to live..really get a life.

Who knows what...maybe you should go be a fishermen and hunt these crabs in Alaska or be a mechanic in the australian outback...you can make up to 100k dollars in 2 to 3 months with these jobs and then travel the world for months till you get back there and make new money..and then buy a house etc

The last thing your dad would have wanted that you give up and spend your days on /b.

Fuck bitches in general.
I am not saying mgtow is the answer but ..take care of yourself anon.

>>724111924
i bet he is glad to be away from you, you whiny cunt.

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>>724117103
Ok and after reading the thread i just want to tell you this.

I grew up at my grandpa'sand when he died i felt completely empty and was depressed for years..i came slowly out of it when i realized that HE died and not me.
It would have hurt him to see me like that because of him..that was the last thing on earth what he wanted and now i even feel like it was egoistic from me to let it break me.
I used him to let my weak side grow more and more..and that is the whole fucking point of growin up..getting stronger and realizing that i can't throw my life away for no one..especially not when they are dead.

Get your shit together anon..for him..forget that women..5years are nothing..i got friends who were left after 12years with 2 children and they also lost family members and you know what..they are more happy than both of us.

Now is your time man..don't throw it away..if you are not religios then pray to your dad and talk with him but use the rest of the day for yourself.

There is a whole planet full of possibilities break out of that box man..for yourself..for him..even for us lost souls here

>>724112377
was listening to joyland and ghostland observatory earlier...