>Wake up to blinding sunlight >It's 7AM >Hungover

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>Wake up to blinding sunlight
>It's 7AM
>Hungover as fuck
>Don't remember most of the night
>Open up my phone, scroll through photo library
>7:34PM , Downtown Joes, shots shots shots
>Waitress brings by some Rosemary Polenta
>wtfisthisshit.mpeg
>literally consume the entire thing
>Order a bottle of Foggy Valley
>Begin the journey into the foggy valley
>no fucking wonder
>9:35 PM, go to Napkins, Fate Said No is playing their reunion show
>"Your hot pocket, your hot pocket..."
>Have beers with the band after they get off stage
>11:44PM , Still in Napkins
>Tons of hot women, even for a monday
>more shots
>12:43AM
>Selfie with randoms, have no fucking clue who these people are, or where
>uber home, even though I live like 3 blocks away
>go to sleep alone
>wake up this morning (where the story began)
>the brew poo is coming
>o fuck don't trust that fart
>i trusted it
>clench ass together with nothing but pure willpower
>sit down
>release shitstorm of literal shit
>something feels off
>wipe
>something REALLY feels off
>wipe again to see what it is
>my butthole doesn't feel right
>it didn't hurt earlier, and only burns now from diarrhea
>finger around a bit more
>what
>the
>fuck
>a second butthole was created overnight
>that fucking moose did surgery on me while i was passed out

Well /b/, how was your day?