I fucked up big time today /b/. Currently locked in my apartment

File: 1475337449183.jpg (29KB, 479x370px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 479x370px

>>723511234
What did you do anon...

Cont
CONT
>CONT!!!!!!!!!

Cont you cunt

C O N T O R G T F O

>>723511521
>>723511697
>>723511748
>>723511790

Uhhhhhhhh well okay

I volunteer at big brothers/big sisters and may have told three young boys that I would molest them if they lived with me when they asked if I could adopt them.

I was like, "haha, I can't, besides I might molest ya!" and slapped the youngest one on the arm

>>723511880
The oldest one got a real weird look on his face and tugged the two others by the sleeve and ran off. Later I saw them start playing some basketball in the court but they stopped numerous times to whisper with each other. They ended up asking to go home early. I offered them Diary Queen hoping they would forget but they said no

I dropped them off at the center that drives them home and left right away. I usually see them off but not i'm paranoid someone will find out and kick my ass to jail

how fucked am i /b/?

>>723511880
??? why would you say THAT you odd fucker
did u sperg out and think that would be funny or what

OP only way out is an hero

File: angrypepe.png (202KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 600x600px

IS THIS FAGGOT NOT USING THE GREENTEXT FORMAT!?!?

>>723511948
yeah youre fucked OP.
might as well molest them now before you go to jail.

>>723512094
YES, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I thought it would be a fun joke!! I forgot one of them WAS molested by a teacher, but it was so long ago I thought he might have forgetten

I've actually gotten three phone calls on my landline within an hour since I got home but I didn't pick up

I'm hoping the boys were murdered on the way home and didn't get the chance to tell anyone

I have to see them again in a week

>>723512182
Go big or go home, well not home but jail

File: laugh.jpg (12KB, 480x320px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 480x320px

>>723512256
Fucking kek

File: 1485945284762.jpg (129KB, 869x943px) Image search: [Google]

129KB, 869x943px

>>723512182
This.

>>723512162
JESUS

>be me
>be big brother at big brothers/big sisters
>taking care of three boys, playing sum b-ball
>they stop and all surround me, asking if i can adopt them
>tell them i can't because rules
>suddenly have the fantastic idea to joke that i might be a pedophile
>tell them i might molest them if they lived at home with me
>they get real quiet and quickly leave to play alone
>later ask to leave early and refuse icecream bribe
>remember later youngest one was molested by an old teacher

better?

whats your area code? I might have been volunteering there 2

File: happypepe.jpg (10KB, 229x220px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 229x220px

>>723512446
Yes

>>723512256
ok you wont go to jail for saying that as a joke but dude face it like a man. get the consequences out the way now so that the fall out will be over quicker. yeah wait to get in shit while the memory of fucking replays up until you get in trouble or deal with it now

>>723512182
>might as well molest them now before you go to jail

too late, dropped them off to be driven home already. I left quickly the lady at the center followed me out to my car to ask why I'm not staying til their drive comes this time, and i sperged out again and told her it was because i felt a big shit coming and said i had ibs and hadn't shit in a while

she just stands there with a sad look on her face while i robowalk the rest of the way to my car and drive off

she was cute too fml

>>723512606
memory of fucking up*

>>723512606
man you think they won't kick me out for this? I've been volunteering there for two years, I love those kids

>be me
>playing basketball with bros
>old fart wants to molest us and bribe with icecream
>mfw I tell my parents and he gets buttraped in prison like my bro Jimmy was at uncle Joe's 3 years ago

>>723512684
I wouldn't sweat it. These things happen, just be like yeah I'm kind of a dumbass.

>>723512684
well shit, friend.
time to tie the noose and kick the stool.

>>723512162
BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING FAGGOT THAT'S WHY

OP, you fucked up hard. I once joked to a couple of younger kids asking if they were putting together a drug deal, and I almost got a fucking ticket for that, and that is nowhere near pedophilia...

File: howtohangyourself.jpg (174KB, 608x1070px) Image search: [Google]

174KB, 608x1070px

>>723512823

>>723512770
dont worry just get it out the way bro. after smoke some weed or get drunk there u go

Get on top of it, call whoever and tell them what happened. Taking responsibility for it will only work in your favor, bro.

>>723512805
the bribe was to not tell anyone i joked about molesting them, but i didn't say that i just thought they might forget and only remember me giving them delicious icecream

i thought kids LIKED ICECREAM WHY DIDN'T THEY TAKE THE ICECREAM

>>723512874
shit, really? how long ago? when was this? how did people find out?

>>723512446
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST anon, you're a fucking retard.

>>723512886
thanks, took me a while to get it but now i know

>>723512941
>hey mr. whoever-owns-big-brothers
>It's me, faggot anon, your favorite employee
>Pardon? How were the neglected kids today?
>Oh, fine, but I think they need some therapy because they didn't laugh at my joke about raping their little buttholes

Nice going with the opposite of what OP should do.

OP: These kids probably have no credit, just deny whatever they say

File: joe.jpg (10KB, 296x232px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 296x232px

time to shit your pants and jump in and swim

File: k.gif (1MB, 240x240px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 240x240px

>>723513229
THIS THIS THIS
DENY DENY DENY

File: lightautism.jpg (221KB, 803x1555px) Image search: [Google]

221KB, 803x1555px

>>723512256
I thought it was pretty funny OP. But then again, I'm not children

File: lickylick(2).jpg (138KB, 618x510px) Image search: [Google]

138KB, 618x510px

>>723511234
Aren't the kids in that program really fucked up? I'd say it's too late for them, time to molest :)

File: ptr.gif (315KB, 234x159px) Image search: [Google]

315KB, 234x159px

someone should screencap the thread

?? and put me in the screencap?

File: fucker.gif (2MB, 279x211px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 279x211px

i like it

File: twink.jpg (69KB, 940x545px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 940x545px

>>723511234
What do you think of Barron Trump, OP? Would you molest this tight little twink?

File: 1480228362906.jpg (79KB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 720x540px

>>723512446

>>723511234
>4chan
>Miles Prower
I wouldn't let you be with kids.

>>723513845
You cant talk about our anti-christ like that.

>>723514016
Who? I just googled sweaty pepe but couldn't find a good resolution

My phone has rung an additional three times, and I checked the numbers is from the center

FFFFFUCK MY LIFE I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY

>>723514154
Maybe it's the cute girl checking up on your bowels?

File: 4c.jpg (31KB, 300x400px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 300x400px

>>723514116
or what fag u gonna call melanina????

>>723514273
You think I should call back? Can I hang up if it gets too bad?

>>723514154
Oh lel you're fucked OP

>>723514438
You could hang up. But never ever show your face there ever again. And don't even pick up their calls after that. Don't even get near them.

File: ddp.jpg (64KB, 300x242px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 300x242px

>>723514525
Problem is the center where the kids get picked up and dropped off is also townhall and the voting station for the city. and I'm sort of politically active

okay but i'm gonna wait to see if they call me again

>>723514672
yuo told two kids ur gonna touch them and u live in small town? ha, goodbye anon. l ast village pedophile we ghased them out with gunnery

File: B372EBC9FE55A8AD07C77C6783E6553C5C0FEA722F2C008A88289136BC95A9CF.png (998KB, 750x1334px) Image search: [Google]

998KB, 750x1334px

Instead you should check out Snapchatz .com and leak anyones nudes

Well OP?

>>723515630
Kek his parents came home.

>>723514672
Pretend it was a test, like when that shitty YouTube prankster picked kids up in his car to test if they were too naive to get in a strangers car. Say you were warning them to not always want to go to random adults houses because they could do "something terrible like molest them" then if the kids talk about you threatening to molest them say they're taking out of context because they're kids and kids are shot like that.
For the IBS incident just say it was a cover up because you had forgotten something at home, like a gift for one of the parents, and had to go pick it up before any arrived.

>>723515758
Actually I live alone, I've decided I'm not gonna call back but I'll pick up if they call me and play it by ear

>>723512556
nice try, fbi

>>723516040
I actually do have ibs, but I've been constipated the last 10 days

Good idea tho. idk if it will fly but it's an idea

>>723513229
>These kids probably have no credit, just deny whatever they say
also leaning towards this

>>723516040 Cont.
Then when you next see the Kids in question's parent(s) give them some flowers or something and mention the test and say that they should perhaps talk to their kids about stranger danger more to make sure they drive the moral nail home.

>>723516372
This is a great idea!! Do it OP. It'll save your angus.

>>723516293
Well this way you can hopefully get away with rushing out awkwardly about it and be on the moral high ground of giving gifts to parents and having a good personal relationship with parents, as that, in a childcare business looks great. Especially if you focus with the father as it's a safety interest, it's rare to find a childcare professional who gets along with fathers as they can be pretty hard-assed when it comes to other people looking after their kid.

>>723516372
These particular kids, two live with grandparents. Third, mom is an alcoholic living with her cuck boyfriend while dad has fucked off god knows where

I'm hoping their guardians don't actually..... care? they were referred to the program through their school.

but.... flowers...... isn't that kind of a guilty action? why not just say it was a test and leave it at that?

>>723516774
Flowers is over doing it. Ditch the flowers idea.

>>723516774
Oh, well that might make it easier.

Well it helps, say, if the mother/guardian (s) is told before you next see her about the issue from her kids and you can apologise for "any misconseptions" and then explain it was a test, then drive home the stranger danger inventive.

The main aim is to kind of let the issue boil and then deny it as slander, it is kind of tricky to flat out deny when the issue is this controversial but it's probably the best way to go about it without having an eye painted on your back from coworkers for being possibly creepy, even if it was just a shitty joke.

This reminds me of my day!! I was at a big brothers big sisters program and the guy watching us, me and my brothers, said he was going to touch our willies and looked me dead in the eyes and then winked. Reminded me of my old gym teacher... he touched me so much... So anyway i grabbed my brothers and we pretended to play basket ball for a while but we were planning an escape. But before we got the chance it was time to go so we said fuck it lets just tell mom when we get home. We really liked this guy beforehand too... wat do?

>>723511234
OP everyone dun goofs. Even if you tell you'll be careful next time and you have learned from your mistake, there's going to be a million more mistakes you'll make in life. So don't take it to heart at all. It happens.

File: pep.png (7KB, 658x662px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 658x662px

>>723517405
th-thanks anon, i guess this is my safest bet

now how do i fix telling cute receptionist i have ibs and needed to go home to shit myself?

>>723517677
dubs of truth
or
dubs of deception

>>723517405 Cont.
The most alpha thing to do would be to admit it straight up, apologise and promise to be more careful about your comedy around children but this would most likely badly affect how you're seen in the workplace, which could be sink or swim in the childcare business since its such a serious topic and even those who cracking a little joke could really suffer for it.

>>723517697
OP

TELL THEM YOU WERE MOLESTED AS A KID AND HAVE WEIRD HUMOR

then say you're mixed race gay man cause there's no other way ur gonna get away with this

>>723512446
How old are they and how old are you?

>>723517803
Don't do this OP. It definitely is a drown in that field. This fag is obviously a nigger. The most alpha thing to do in life is to not throw yourself in jail. Tweaking the story a bit won't hurt you at all.

>>723517995
them
>8, 9 and 11
me
>23

w-why

>>723518165
It's not the best idea, but it's the quickest and since this is just a temporary program thing, it probably won't get everyone in town out for lynching as nobody gives a fuck about the pee on these programs.

>>723518216
8-11 are famous ages for lying fuckery so if you say they're lying little shirts you'll do fairly well
They're like 3-ish year olds but more literate

File: blackguy meme.jpg (27KB, 504x415px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 504x415px

>>723518725
ahhh

>>723518725
So,

what you're saying is,

OP COULD, in fact, molest the kids

and call them liars.

>>723519073
I mean, you'd be the better man in terms of honesty.

File: 1487983171643.jpg (172KB, 608x1070px) Image search: [Google]

172KB, 608x1070px

>>723518725 Cont.

Just whatever you do, be alpha about it or nobody will believe you and if you fuck that up then an hero is your only option.

>>723518216
Perfect. Just come up with a story saying they misunderstod you. The most important thing is to not be wierd about it. If the paresnts even have the slightest concern they might contact the police. But since you don't sound like a reatarded faggot I think you're able to talk your way out of it

>>723519405
this is the 2nd time this image has been posted in the thread, i think it's a sign for OP

"Hey...About that whole molesting you thing...You know I was just joshin ya right, Josh?"

>>723513845
That filename...

>>723516040
This and this. Also answer the phone or it'll look bad and you'll lose credibility.
>>723516372

And don't sperg out next time, you fucking autist. There's things you don't say to kids, even joking.

>>723519611
This basically.

>Wait until you next see their parent/guardian
>If someone approaches you about it, say they're lying and give a better alibi, like my previous stranger danger lesson story or something similar
> If not, talk to said parent about how they "talked about 'going to your house' or some other childish get' together scenario and say you took that chance to talk to them about stranger danger but that that person should talk to them themselves about the issue
>...
>You get out scot free and may even be praised for taking the initiative or even slightly berated for taking another child's own education in your own hands but at least you're not being accused of being a pedi

>>723516774
And yeah the rest is good but no flowers

>>723517624
>wat do?
Stay away from OP.

That faggot wants to molester you guys.

>>723520328
Yeah flowers were a reach, more of a fallback in case the mother or whoever get the news from their kids and get pissy at OP before the rest of the plan should be put to action. Also it might look good to the forementioned cute coworker and higher-ups, big win.

>>723511948
Prepare for a very long talk with DCFS, or the equivalent where you live. If you have any kiddy porn on any of your computers, then you're going to prison for a very long time. By the time you get out, your butt-hole will be the size of a dinner plate from being raped so often.

>>723511880
i can't stop fucking laughing
>myfuckingsides.jpeg

>>723511880
>>723520864
kek the fucking slap got me

>>723512161
not all heroes wear capes

>>723512256
HAHAHAHAHAHA
>I forgot one of them HAD been molested

This thread is gold op.
someone please screen cap

1. Be a man, visit the BB office and admit your total lack of judgement. You made a mistake.
2. Explain that, if the boys no longer feel okay around me, you understand and will agree they need a new Big Brother.
3. Regardless, this is a teachable moment for you: never make jokes like this again to those entrusted to your care, especially if you say you really like them.
4. Understand that BB/BS may not want your support as a big brother. Again, learn from YOUR mistake.
5. Lastly, do not blame the children, call them liars, or otherwise not take the blame. You are supposed to be the BIG BROTHER for a reason. To profile what a man is supposed to be. Do not batch out and blame someone else for your mistake.

>>723521545

Damn autocorrect. "Bitch", not batch.

>>723521545
This is what I mean by alpha but if you're such an autist that you made a joke like that in front of children, one of them being a previous victim then you're too much of an autistic to do something this responsible.

File: IMG_3691.gif (27KB, 284x200px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 284x200px

>>723512770
lmao
> loves those kids

File: IMG_3692.jpg (56KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 1280x720px

>>723512981

File: IMG_3693.gif (37KB, 356x200px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 356x200px

>>723514154

>>723517935
This is the only correct answer

>>723522009
>>723522120
South Park is unfunny and harmful.

>>723511880
>I was like, "haha, I can't, besides I might molest ya!" and slapped the youngest one on the arm

>>723512256
>YES, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I forgot one of them WAS molested by a teacher, but it was so long ago I thought he might have forgetten


God almighty, you poor autistic bastard.

>>723521545
The is the legit answer but fuck that. Say they asked to come home with you and you told them a stranger danger type thing.

>>723520824
>implying paedos surviving prison.

fake death, write a quick suicide note and say you're gonna drown your ass in a river or some shit so you don't need a body, change name, move countries, and never do any of this dumb shit again

File: IMG_3694.jpg (27KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 480x360px

>op's photo is of tails
>tails was babysitting that one time
>shit was flipped
>op's story
>flipped my shit

>>723522869
DUDE

If I gave all that good information for shit-tier reference bait I'll be the one to an hero

F A K E D E A T H

A

K

E


D

E

A

T

H

>>723522407
>South Park is unfunny and harmful.

That sounds like something an 8 storey tall giant crustacean from the paleolithic era would say.

File: IMG_3695.gif (34KB, 356x200px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 356x200px

>>723523131

>>723523342

Words are like bullets.

join the french foreign legion and start over

>>723523544
My heads full of em

>>723513693
why do you want to be put in the screen cap faggot? you've contributed nothing to this thread

>>723523302

I'm gonna need about tree fiddy.

File: IMG_3699.png (172KB, 364x364px) Image search: [Google]

172KB, 364x364px

>>723523544
>>723523609
>>723524042
>>723523302
>>723523131
>>723522419
>>723521506
>>723520864

>>723524009
I was first one to suggest screen cap, faggot.

hi mom

>>723523583
Heard those guys are all missing teef

>>723521000
Checked.

>>723524805
oh well excuse me, where the fuck are my manners. Had i known you were the first to request a screen cap ignore the thread i would have most certainly retracted my statement and rethought my choice of fiction to affiliate with you and the fact that you literally contributed nothing funny at all to the thread, yet still ask to be a part of something that will, most definitely, have photos and statements all relevant to op's dilema, faggot.

File: pls.jpg (21KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 480x360px

>>723512256
>I have to see them again in a week
nigga your job is history. i wouldn't bother showing back up

>>723525459
Better.

>>723512770
>I love those kids
I think that's what got you in trouble in the first place

>>723520269
this