>be me >delivering pizza >call out to some sketchy street

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>be me
>delivering pizza
>call out to some sketchy street on the edge of town
>house looks abandoned
>WTF.exe
>ring bell
>creepy voice inside says “door’s open”
this is NEVER a good sign
>go in
>stench of rotting meat and piss and shit hits me in the face
>literally collapse just inside the doorway
>weird animals everywhere
>fucking SNAKE right up in my face
>raccoons, possums, every kind of untamed wildlife is chilling out in this beat up old house
>no humans in sight
>hear even more terrifying voice of 350lbs land whale in next room
>”come on Carl, time to go to the park, we can take pizza”
>obese stinking resident comes through with KOMODO DRAGON on leash
>wants me to join her and the rest of her menagerie taking lethal giant lizard out
>promises $20 tip
>not bad for mid-west
>whatever, let’s do this thing

tl;dr: open the door, get on the floor, everybody walks the dinosaur