Hey /b/, I've been feeling like something is missing lately.

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Hey /b/,

I've been feeling like something is missing lately. I think maybe I'm depressed, or always have been from deep-seated social issues and being ostracized. I have these moments where I'll tell someone close, like my family or partner, that I've been feeling sad or empty, only to have them tell me I've been like this as long as they can remember and that it wears them down and they feel like it's their fault in some way. It doesn't help, and I can't remember far enough back to know if I've always been this way or not. I just feel very lonely and purposeless. I don't have any friends outside of my girlfriend (often busy and emotionally cold) and I spend most of my time in my apartment because of online courses. I have no idea how to make friends anymore, or if people would even like the person I am anymore, since anyone currently close treats me like a burden and anyone outside of that circle treats me with the uncaring distance of a stranger.

I would never consider suicide, but I really don't know what to do, guys. Sometimes I lie awake at night going over all of this in my head, next to a woman that I know resents me, but is the only person in this world I have to talk to. I can't live the rest of my life like this. I don't have any kind of support, I'm poor and I honestly feel like not much of a future awaits me. Any advice or nice pictures to help temporarily ease this anxiety that I'll die having never truly lived?