Useless super powers thread >You have x-ray vision only

You can grow really fat really fast, but to lose weight you have to do all the work (excercise, diet etc)

>>723086183
>>723086446
Both of these are still useful

I actually hiccup alot so it'd be kinda useful

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>>723086515
You're gonna have to elaborate on that statement, Anon.

You can run as fast a cheetah, but only when wearing skinny jeans.

>>723086446
Isn't that how it works anyway?

>>723086829
That's the kind of thing that fat people say
> Fatty Mc Fatterson confirmed.
> inb4 "healthism"

I eat tons of food every day, fatty food, bad food etc. I'm still 145 pounds.

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You have mind-control powers over babies under the age of one.

You can't make them do anything they're not cognitively or physically able to do on their own (talk, lift things, etc)

You can become invisible or fly but you are rendered blind and deaf during that time

You know the ending of every movie without watching.
But that's it. You don't know anything else about it.

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>>723087573

>>723087852
Useful for winning bets about highly-anticipated movies with twist endings. Some rich people will bet on the stupidest shit and pay up, too; you could conceivably make some money from this

>>723088058
See. I didn't know that.
That would be rad then.

>>723086183
The power to make your elbows greasy

>>723088285
unrelated, but a friend of mine won a bet with a guy at her university about whether or not their professor would show up on a specific day. She jokingly bet him £500, won, and he straight up paid her in cash that afternoon. Probably trying to get laid, but you see my point.

ITT:
>But that's useful...

ok niggers.
The ability to see behind you but you are blinded whenever you activate it.

once per day for 60 seconds you can summon a fly

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The power to remove your depression

>>723088528
So the super power is the ability to go blind?
You cabbage cunt.

The powEr to turn ketchup into catsup

>>723088528
10/10

>>723088528
but then I don't have to look at any of my problems any more :^)

>>723089049
but you get to see behind you, you're just normally blind.

useful superpower/10

The power to make insects cum.

you shit solid gold but the proceeds from it must go to homeless shelters

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Reading your own mind.

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>>723089058
>>723088334

>>723089049
it's something normal humans can't do so it's still a super power you cumrag, that's the point of this thread

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>>723088543
nice!

the power to have sex with people but they can't feel it and neither can you

>>723089289

get a job as an insect mating specialist

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>>723089372
>it's something normal humans can't do

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>>723089318
kek'd

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>>723089372
>it's something normal humans can't do

close your eyes and tell me what you see, faggot

being able to use left handed scissors with your right hand perfectly

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>>723089372
do you not have eyelids anon?

The power to feel immense pain at will without anything influencing or touching you.

>>723089686
Useful for training pain tolerance

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>>723089372
>something normal humans can't do

is this bait?

>>723089379
I can still fap to the thought fucking AND seeing a celeb. Also i could take pics while doing the sex to her and sell them to paparazzis

Mr hindsight
you have the ability to see what should have been done but never able to prevent what happens

The power to lower your own IQ at will

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>>723089372
>ability to go blind
>it's something normal humans can't do

>>723089686
we're on 4chan, we already have that power

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being able to melt ice cubes with your brain, your enemies will never be able to enjoy a drink. they'll always be watered down bwahahahahahaha

the ability to open a jar of mayonnaise, but as you open the jar the mayo spoils.

the ability to blow up like a puffer fish whenever you feel sexually aroused

turn purple when i fart

>>723090120
other people turn purple when I fart

>>723090088
That's literally my dick

>>723090120
thats called the fart of death. you die from an intense fart. it happens.

>>723090023
can go to north/south pole and flood the world

useful villain power

>>723089372
>it's something normal humans can't do
>normal humans have no eyelids

10/10

>>723089935
useful for depression. you can become dumb - therefore ignorant and happy

being able to eat celery and never be full

the ability to make someone fall in love with you, but as soon as they fall in love, they die.

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>>723089372
>it's something normal humans can't do

>>723090265
no only ice cubes in peoples drink

>>723090296
also great for infiltration. get dumb, and dont pose a threat.

>>723087065
man fuck that's not useless you're basically babybender

best nanny in the world gor babies under 1 year

>>723090088
being able to grow 3 times your size as a (let's assume) 6 foot tall human you would be able to grow to 18 feet tall

useful superpower

being able to be in one place at a time

the ability to post on message boards without adding anything useful to the conversation

>>723090316
useful for celery eating contests

the ability to spawn herpes on your face

>>723090347
make your enemies fall in love with you and kill them

useful superpower

>>723086183
you're smart enough to solve the world's problem but you're physically unable to communicate except through 4chan

>>723090662
touche, i didnt think of that. thankyou anon

>>723090608
you could weaponize that shit. seduce and give em to someone

>>723089931
You can learn from your mistakes

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>>723089976

>>723090589
would post for the keks

useful superpower

the ability to smell your old farts

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>>723090088

>>723086183
Thats not useless. When i drink alcohol, i cant stop hiccuping. They would call me the drunken see-man.

>>723090705
if you're smart enough to solve the worlds problems you would be able to convey secret messages to certain people.

useful superpower

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the ability to vomit on command

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>>723089372
>Ability to go blind at will
>It's something a normal person can't do.

Close your eyes and tell us what you see in detail what you see.

Time travel.

>>723091155
you could smell the farts you like and the ones you don't like and learn the useful skill of fart farming

useful superpower

>>723091509
that is not useful at fucking all XD fart farming? bs

>>723091575
could get out of anything you didn't want to do

useful superpower

>>723091625
can fuck hellen keller

useful superpower

an ability like quantum leap
only you jump into the body of someone from the past the moment before they get assassinated with no power to change it

the ability to abilitize the abilities ability.

>>723091625
you could fuck your own mother and become your own dad. the fuck? how is that useless??

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the ability to see through wooden walls once every 93 years

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You can seduce snakes on thursdays.

>>723091756
>farming delicious farts that smell like gunsmoke and rotting meat by the dozens
>not useful
anon pls

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this is now a ylyl thread

>>723089343
Dude stop posting those pics when it isn't a get you fucking faggot

>>723092122
you can seduce the snake, and have the snake kill your enemies in return for sexual favors. not useless

>>723091967
can become worlds best detective

useful superpower

You can fly with most of your body

>>723091973
ability becomes 3 times stronger

useful superpower

>>723091625
If your black

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>>723092251
kys

>>723092288
you can seduce snakes, not mind control them

and how many fucking enemies must you have that that power becomes useful

I also just want to point out "snakexual favors"

You are invisible but only when your eyes are closed.

The ability to turn invisible, but it doesn't affect your clothes so you have to be naked, and it can turn off randomly at any time.

>>723092534
you are seducing, that is a form of mind control.

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>>723092438
stop same fagging you fag

You stop time whenever you have to shit and resume time when you're done

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I would like STD vision, when activated, vision becomes grayscale, exceot people acr colourcoded according to what STD they are carrying. Red = HIV, Blue = chlamidiya, Pink = herpes e.t.c. you would kniw rigt away which girls or hookers to avoid. Useful as but only if you frequently use prostitutes

>>723086183
That's not useless, just limited

the ability to summon only one tiny grain of sand. and only the same grain over and over. you cant control it, nor sense it.

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you use helium for breathing instead of oxygen
???
Profit!

Can grow cancerous tumors on demand

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>>723092656
ya got me good

you can now only seduce pacifist snakes... on tuesdays

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>>723086829
Can they be cheetah print skinny jeans?
Will they chafe?

>>723092676
I will keep samefagging until you post a useless superpower you unimaginative pentanigger

>>723092859
any steering wheel you touch becomes le pepperoni

>>723092840
can you summon it deep within my friends crotch so it may make his balls chafe?

The ability to shitpost in boards where you can get banned for dong it.

>>723086183
you have the power to make 2d waifu become real, but she looks like a cell shaded character in a 3d environment, she can affect the things around her but nobody else can see her or hear her

Also nobody will ever believe you

She biologically works as a normal human being

But if she dies, you die and
and if you die she dies

if you had a son he/she still will live

You can teleport.
Only to North and South Pole.

>>723093110
sorry, you can only summon it at the end of your fingertip.

>>723093190
>son
>he/she

If it's your son then surely it is a he, is it not?

The ability to be op and not a faggot simultaniously

>>723093211
get away with any crime. not useless

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The ability to wet your pants uncontrollably whenever you hear loud noises.

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>>723092329
How do you become the worlds greatest detective if you're dead?

>>723093364
i could swear i wrote "son or daughter" when i posted it

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>>723093211
if you fall off a cliff, you can teleport to penguins and not die, so its still useful heuheh

Ability to breathe underwater only if you're below crush depth.

>>723086183
You have the ability to predict every possible future.

You can only recall it after it has happened and you must witness the action.

>>723093501
By living up to the title till death man

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You can become a penguin but only on sundays and when you become human again you lay an apple sized egg

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>>723093763
>from your urethra

The ability to become stinky at will

You can give yourself a tapeworm once a day for 60 seconds

whenever you scream "make america great again" theres an earthquake in mexico.

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you can mug cats with a knife

>>723094153
How is that useless?

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>>723094219
well we wouldn't want to hurt any innocent people would we?

>>723094219
its about as useful as taking a shit on a pile of shit to make it shitty.

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you can grow explosive tumors
but you need a surgery to detach em from your body
also every time you extract one the next hurts the double and no drug can make the pain go away

>>723094486
replace tumors with dicks and you might be on to something

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the power to talk to transgender people without wanting to laugh or call them fags

You have the ability to transform into curt cobain, but in an alternate dimension where hes a drug addicted homeless man.

Ended up thinking up a bunch of useless superheroes one night with somebody. One of our favorites was someone that had the ability to stop time but couldn't move either. Over time the pauses would take longer and longer to end. So eventually he'd be in these pauses for years at a time. He was also crippled and we called him Cerebral Pausey.

>>723093490
You are a chihuahua

Confirmed for useless.

>>723094647
>Explosive dicks
go on...

>>723094076
Not uselees. You get subway cars all to yourself

Can fly only when theres no oxygen

Getting STDs on command

>>723095079
In my mind, they grow out randomly from your body... all shapes and color and you can just pluck them off and throw them at people like paint grenades. except instead of paint its blood and cum.

You can read peoples minds, bit when you stop doing it, you forgot all the read

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>>723095392
write it down ya ding dong

>>723095392
>can read minds
>acute alzheimers

interesting

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Ability which makes traps wanna fuck you.

The hability of train your friends in gorilla warfare

>>723095781
Op here, how is this not useful?!

>>723096202
once they penetrate your anus they turn into sex crazed billy mays'