> 5:00 AM > alarm goes off > get out of my double-king

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> 5:00 AM
> alarm goes off
> get out of my double-king sized bed
> walk downstairs and microwave 5 “HUNGRY MAN” masculine testosterone burgers
> blend up my favorite protein powder
> turn on Fox and laugh at how liberal it is
> 5:30 AM
> Oh shit I’m gonna be late
> Get in my lifted Trump style AMERICAN MADE truck that gets 0.5 mpg
> TakeThatEcoFucks.jpg
> Go to gas station and fill up with some Premium American Freedom Liquid
> Only $5 a gallon thanks to President Trump’s incredible dealmaking
> Decide to get back in the car and continue driving
> Huge Truck Nuts swinging wildly in the breeze, have to remind myself how manly masculine I am
> See some idiot racist BLM eco protestors blocking the highway
> Deploy the TRUMP PORTABLE WALL and run them over
> Feels good to exercise my 1st amendment right by silencing people I don’t like
> MFW stupid liberal media will probably just report on how I killed people instead of all the good stuff I do for the world
> Feeling low on protein
> Pour some milk powder directly into my mouth
> 6:01
> Finally arrive at work
> Boss is livid at me for being one minute late
> Had to give up unions years ago because they infringe on our freedom
> Boss tells me I can keep my job, but my healthcare plan is terminated
> It’s OK, I don’t want obummercare. Prostate cancer heals itself, right?
> Start my shift and plunge into the coal mines God Trump has fought to protect
> Elevator cable snaps midway and we plunge into a free fall
> It’s okay, thank God we don’t have regulations hurting coal companies
> happy to die for my company
> plunge to my death
> mfw