g'morning anon. hope you slept well. tell me why you will

>>722510264
I still have a chance

>>722510264
Videogames mostly, I also met a girl, might as well see where it leads

>>722510264

I'm to busy today.

File: deathbycuck.png (312KB, 600x660px) Image search: [Google]

312KB, 600x660px

>>722510264
currently waiting a year to see if my teacher will transfer back

>I fucking cucked myself SO BAD

>>722510264
I don't want to.
Right now I love life.
Quit ALL my meds in November cold turkey... changed my life for the better, now I don't want to die.
I'm thankful for what I DO have rather than worrying about what I DON'T have.

>>722510264
>tell me why you will not KILL YOURSELF today.
>implying

She might come back...

>>722510264
Me and a friend helped to end an unhealthy relationship yesterday and i might get the V for it...

>>722510673
Also;
-I'm not doing any illegal drugs atm
-I didnt do all illegal drugs i want to do yet

Looking to get laid today, wouldn't wanna soil it.

>>722510264
Had sex with my cute MILF wife this morning, sent her to work with a creampie. Kids are healthy. Job is good. No complaints.

File: tumblr_nhbaiiyWnX1s9v4c8o1_500.gif (728KB, 485x322px) Image search: [Google]

728KB, 485x322px

>>722510341
g'luck with your chance.
>>722510428
hope things workout with the girl anon.
>>722510624
she might.
>>722510673
g'luck. hope u get it.
>>722510756
that's a good plan.

i like you, not-kill-yourself guy, i think you're actually doing some good on this board

because one day everything is going to be fine

File: IMG_2711.png (2MB, 750x1334px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 750x1334px

This thread is my ex wife.

Rza from the tribe of Wu Tao Chan?

>>722510817
Tell me she has iud now

>>722510264
Still got half a bottle.

Because For Honor is downloading and I'm going to play that later.

I haven't watched the new season of Always Sunny yet.

I want to go on vacation in two weeks.

It'd be pretty inconvenient for me to go killing myself right now, there's a few things I want to do.

>>722510488
... go on

dubs checkd

Because my friend is getting married tomorrow and I don't wanna be the reason his day is ruined.

>>722510495
You're gonna be alright anon.

Unless you quit like your cholesterol and blood pressure meds. Then you're gonna be fucked. What were you taking?

>>722510955
I'm cut. We have enough kids, and there's no need for her to wreck her uterus or libido when there are zero side effects from a vasectomy.

>>722510264
i still got a lot of people to disappoint

>>722511036
Ya gotta hang in there a while longer anon, if ya care about your friend like that. Otherwise every anniversary hes gonna remember his bro killed himself.

>>722511195
Honestly, I've wanted to not be here anymore for over a decade. The only reason I am still around is because I care more about others than I do about myself. That much is clear to anyone who sees how I live but sees how readily I give up my time to help others. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so I wasn't trapped here.

>>722510264
I don't want this gifs, I want the one from yesterday, faggot. No homo.

File: tumblr_o8m3d2IkLm1tvy3cwo1_500.gif (2MB, 500x275px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 500x275px

>>722510879
i hope so.
thanks for liking me.
>>722510997
ha e fun playing it.
>>722511036
hope your friends have a good marriage.
>>722511139
g'luck with that.
>>722511322
it's good you care enough to stick around.
>>722511369
what do you mean?

>>722511017
I'll make it brief..
>be me
>19 yrs old
>5'2 (what)
>220 lbs (WHAT)
>big shoulders so I don't look too fat
>and spanish so I pull off being short
>that goes for my thinning hair too
anyways
>teacher for my english class
>never had any true motives to try and get her
>until I saw some other students flirting with her
>she was accepting towards them
>after this I finally started having a personality constructed towards her
>very anti-social so I had to prepare before speaking
>eventually, I fucking killed everything (not literally)
>thankfully the students that hit on her were illiterate as shit so they eventually fucked off
>I'm nothing special either, but way better than these guys, they actually helped me feel better about my own work
>always the last one to leave her class
>started to annoy her at first
>after a couple weeks she started getting into the idea
>exam day
>simple exam, a total of 3 hours but everyone was allowed to leave after 1 hour
>after 1 hour everyone leaves except this one spanish bitch
>she waits until there's half an hour left
>teacher approaches me, with a suggestive smile
>"I knew you two would be the last to leave"
>in my head it was a sure fucking thing, THIS WAS HAPPENING
>during this fucking time of waiting for this last bitch to leave, I literally start to hear voices in my head
>a subtle whisper, "go away" and "stay"
>looked around to see if anyone was actually talking.. Not my teacher nor this taco cunt.
>after this spanish bitch finally leaves, I wanted to casually ease in that we were going to bang.
>ended up talking for 30 fucking minutes
our last conversation was about if I was ever going to see her again.. And well, I'm waiting.

still. a. virgin.

>>722510264
because life is treating me well at the moment

File: e78bdbf0bdd4ef244dc6b4ad96ae3bd3.jpg (112KB, 1100x669px) Image search: [Google]

112KB, 1100x669px

I have a wife and new daughter.

>>722511469
The one where the hot guy was lying his back and a bitch with a messy bun rode his dick.

>>722511322
I'm in my 30s, been dealing with suicidal tendencies since about 14, its tough man. I'm still working through shit. I try to just focus on my wins. Really soak in them because the shitty days are so much more frequent. I'm also a goddamn alcoholic and I don't know if that helps or hiders but looking forward to a drink after work is sometimes all I need to get through the day. Sorry to keep rambling about myself, this is just how I get through shit. Full disclosure, I'm drunk now.

File: tumblr_ofiknfMd7s1r2sy0fo1_540.gif (850KB, 540x292px) Image search: [Google]

850KB, 540x292px

>>722511632
i hope it continues to do that.
>>722511660
congrats on the kid

>>722511542 (me)
also forgot to mention I'm getting a doctor checked for the trauma, if you want to hear more about that well.. I'd rather not get into it, it's way longer than this, and it's a dark time of my life.

when she shook my hand goodbye, it felt like an entire minute.. I literally stopped thinking entirely, my thoughts turned into the black and white static you get when the TV gets no signal for at least 6 seconds

showing signs of apophenia and possibly schizophrenia.

how does ones life go this high, to that low in a matter of 3 hours?

>>722510264
Saucesaucesaucesaucesaucesauce

Because im making 40 euros a shift by playing video games, spending it on weed and coke which i then share with my friends and have crazy drug induced sex with them.

>>722510819
OH GOD PLEASE SAUCE. The bounce puts me in a trance

>>722511770
no sauce.
>>722511797
that's a good setup. hope it continues for you.
>>722511978
don't know sauce bro.

File: tumblr_oh3zzdkmRG1vvuoufo1_500.gif (2MB, 500x266px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 500x266px

>>722511999
wow, trips of 9s.

>>722511697
I'm 28 now and been dealing with it since 16. Maybe longer I'm not sure when it sunk in what was wrong. Uses to have a great career, great woman a d great family life but this thing in my head got in the way of it all. This was 7 years ago and now I just play video games and drink. Don't feel like it's worth trying to build up my life again just to fuck it up once more. So now I drink too, I think it probably is a hindrance but tbh being numb does help. As it stands now my goal every day is to make somebody smile. And honestly that does make me feel good but it's short lived. I need a permanent solution but no idea where to begin.

Because I need to live long enough to watch my soon to be ex wife get cervical cancer.

>>722510264

Only 6am. I got plenty of time to do it today.

>>722511999
Your positive comments arent contributing to your
>why dont you kill your self
argument, you know?

>>722511542
Tough break anon. It's easy to look back and say man, shoulda been more assertive, but another beast entirely to do it in the moment when you weren't really ready for it. She's not the only one out there for you. Was this college or continuation school? Not talking shit, just trying to figure out your situation.

>>722512125
I make small milestone goals for myself. Fix this in the house by the end of the week. Depression saps so much energy that if I can get that done in a week its a win. Try to go out with friends or something every week, every other week. Might sound kinda sad but I try to get a couple hours of sunlight every week. I'm a night shifter so it's not like I'm out in the day every week, yard work substitutes. Just make little goals that make you happy. To be honest I'm no more happy than I was twenty years ago, just getting better at dealing with it.

>>722512316
continuation, I dropped out of highschool because my failing classes lowered my motivation and created a chain reaction, I fell into a depression and stopped talking to every single one of my friends, and they too, eventually stopped trying.

this class was the closest thing to bringing me back to reality.

Still keeping my hopes high for if she comes next year. But honestly, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for this one.

File: tumblr_ofk73eS0Wn1vnyt2qo2_r1_540.gif (2MB, 540x365px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 540x365px

>>722512152
that's a good wish.
>>722512270
you read that wrong.
>>722512517
milestones are good.
>>722512563
kool story bro.

>>722512316
appreciate your concern by the way, I plan on getting my life together as much as possible before she comes back

>>722512563
So you're a 19 year old dropout who maybe had a shot with a teacher you have a thing for, yeah?

What do you do with yourself? Like, GED, got a job? Mooching off mom and dad? Do you do anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment?

Anon, you sound broken up over a what could have been, but ya gotta know it wasn't gonna work out realistically. Were you broken up before this or was this situation the one that hurt you bad? This is nothing you can't rebound from. You never had a relationship with this woman! Pick yourself up and get back on track, you're young still, and can build yourself back up easy. Just gotta put in some work.

>>722512857
sauce?, stop posting without sauce!

>>722512517
I do those things, well some of them. I don't do a weekly shop for for food, I buy what I need for that day as a reason to leave the house. I force myself to be in a sociable setting at least once a week. For example, that wedding tomorrow. Depression really does drain all your energy. Simple things like getting out of bed and having a shower require monumental effort, so anything beyond that seems like an impossible task. That's a thing I don't think a lot of people understand about depression. It's not that you want to be lazy or anti social, it's that you simply have no energy left to do anything after simply surviving another day.

File: tumblr_o65ypui93K1v8m5gmo1_400.gif (2MB, 360x250px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 360x250px

>>722513121
no sauce man. learn to find it yourself.
>>722513135
g'luck in your battle anon. I'm rooting for you.

>>722513109
I don't have a job, but I "mooch" as little as I possibly can from my mom. But like I said, I feel this is the year I'll get my stuff together to ease time.

I honestly don't know how I'll feel if she doesn't come around though. I told myself I wouldn't fall in love or any cheesy shit like that but I can't stop thinking about her at this point.. If I had only went with it, I feel none of this would've happened.

I told her everything about me and she knew that I was a damaged person. She looked me dead in the eye when she said she wouldn't lie about coming back.

My dog is alive still somehow. He's 11.

>>722513135
Bro that emotional stamina shit is real. It's important to get out and do stuff, experience the world or whatever, but then ya gotta get a bed day in. Do nothing days. It's hard to find someone who can relate to this but I totally get you.

>>722511086
Nahh just anti-depressants.
20mg Mirtazapine.
40mg Citalopram.

>>722510264
Can't afford to!

>>722513375
Even if she promised that and meant it you can't wait around forever for her. Maybe circumstances for her have changed and she can't make it back, maybe she wasn't sincere, maybe someone got hit by a bus. Point is, you need to keep moving forward with your life either way. Maybe she does come back, and you're a more impressive man if you've been moving forward. Get your GED, get a job, make connections, get a career going. Figure out what you're doing with your life. Maybe you'll meet somebody new along the way! And if you don't, maybe she comes back, and you're a better man. Just keep moving forward anon.

>>722513689
Why were you on the meds? Just depression, or suicidal ideations, or anxiety? Being off them for like three months and feeling great, seems like you're gonna be alright anon! Keep fighting!

>>722513754
I intend to move on, regardless of what happens. But evidently, as self aware as I am, there are clearly things about myself I still don't know.

I've thought of every scenario as to why she wouldn't be able to come back, the very thought of it still shatters me. But everyday I'll still try to better myself. I have a plan for the year, the first step is getting a steady job. She's my motivation because honestly, at this point.. She's the only thing on my mind and the only person I felt that I could communicate with, and I gotta use whatever I can muster to get that energy.

thank you for trying to help, it's just hard to find people like her these days, I have horrible trust issues and everyone at my age is just.. No

File: tumblr_nwyf6oJTDr1tg3vi2o3_500.gif (108KB, 500x322px) Image search: [Google]

108KB, 500x322px

>>722514467
fuck that bitch man.
find new bitches, new things to do, new social outlets and hopefully htat bitch catches cancer.

File: 15895098_1081453691963800_4687478864311641053_n.jpg (20KB, 484x519px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 484x519px

>>722510264
Because I'm getting some pussy next week. But she's getting a baby oil massage first. Makes all he women horny

>>722514467
That's a good attitude anon, use what you have to keep bettering yourself. It's important to set milestones, getting steady work is a good one. Regardless of how things work out with her if you start building a resume and work connections you're gonna be doing well for yourself. Use her as motivation, but not your endgame. Remember you can't rely on her. Maybe try to reconnect with some of your old friends, or make new friends at whatever job you find yourself in. When you're ready for a new woman, you're ready. Give it time. And keep in mind you're not defined by your romantic relationships, you're gonna be alright if you're single too.

Cowardice.

Literally nothing else.

Sadly I don't live in a country where suicide is as easy as buying a gun.

>>722514963
What's got you down anon?

Who's gonna stop me?

File: 1477264177749.gif (2MB, 281x218px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 281x218px

>>722515076

>>722515039
Five years of anxiety and depression, combined with an inability to focus on anything.

It's a lot more complicated than that but those points will suffice for the moment.

I'm not so sure I won't everyday it's like a 70/30 chance that I just go and off myself somewhere

>>722515257
Seen a doc, therapist, tried meds?

>>722514902
I'm sorry for this, it's crazy awkward and I know I'm crazy, I hope you understand because of my schizophrenia but I have to ask.. Are you Caitlin?

Near the end of our last class she gave me advice on how to move on, it kinda sounds like your delivery.

She knew how badly this was gonna end for me

>>722515383
Nah bro, I'm Andrew from SoCal. You should reconnect with your friend Caitlin. You've been responding to my advice and if she's been giving your similar advice you would probably do well to see her again. That part I said earlier about maybe reconnecting with some old friends? If ya didn't burn that bridge too bad she might not be a bad place to start.

>>722515379
Therapy doesn't work because there's no line of persuasion they can use on me that I haven't already thought of myself and failed to put into practice. And yes I have tried. My brain is works so externally from the world that I can never sustain a practical plan for more than a few days, even if it's a good one. Basically after a while I don't feel like I've lost motivation... Instead it often feels like that the motivation never truly existed making things feel profoundly pointless.

Tried several meds. Some helped but none could truly pick me out of this mess.

because a 10/10 hit on me

>brain is works

My bad.

>>722515658
Don't feel bad for the suggestion, but Caitlin was my teacher.

And I don't want to reconnect with my old friends, I'm better off without them.

>>722515858
Been diagnosed with anything? What meds have ya tried?

File: tumblr_n9l8q9qeG61semc6ko8_400.gif (921KB, 311x368px) Image search: [Google]

921KB, 311x368px

>>722515076
hopefully you will.
>>722515272
stick around.

ehhhhhh idk I just might

Got a show on Thursday with some death metal veterans. Who I just found out BLM is protesting. Gonna be interesting

File: tumblr_nyf8s6nTRv1rtqt5po1_500.gif (946KB, 486x273px) Image search: [Google]

946KB, 486x273px

>>722516222
>stick around.
>>>
> Anonymous 02/15/17(Wed)10:26:40 No.722516177 ▶
>ehhhhhh idk I just might
>>>
> Anonymous 02/15/17(Wed)10:27:27 No.722516222 ▶
>Got a show on Thursday with some death metal veterans. Who I just found out BLM is protesting. Gonna be interesting
nice trips.
have fun.
>>722516177
dubs say no.

>>722516030
/b/ro, if she was giving you similar advice as I am, then it's time to move on. You need to start living your life as if she's not in it. From what I'm reading, that's what she was telling you. Again, maybe she comes back, but plan your life like you have other options. Keep her as your motivation if that's what keeps you moving! Just keep moving. You're still a young man and have a lot more people to meet. You found this one person you connected with, you'll find so many more if you just hang in there. Keep moving forward /b/rother.

>>722516041
I have been diagnosed but I may not remember to the letter as to my mind their diagnoses are just their ways to summarise things so they can check their boxes. In short, having a fancy name for something doesn't make it any less shitty or complicated.

>Moderate anxiety disorder with episodes of severe anxiety, or something along those lines. (Technically severe anxiety is shit like agoraphobia, which I don't always have, but casually I'd refer to my anxiety as severe).
>Recurring depression.
>Stages of psychosis (reality distorts when shit gets really bad, thought it's rare).
>Autism (I don't agree with the diagnosis, I consider it to be closer to sociopathy).

Meds...
Citalopram.
Sertraline.
Amitriptyline.
Diazepam.
Quetiapine.

There were a couple others I think. Can't remember.

>>722516384
honestly, I don't think it's possible for me to move on.

especially if she's the only thing motivating me.
All I can do is prepare for the end of this year,

my head is telling me that I'm going to end up dead in a couple years, but I'll be getting medication soon though.

>>722516796
Though it's rare*

Fucking SwiftKey

>>722510428
What's your secret

Oh and flurazopam.

>>722516796
I get the whole clinical diagnosis thing, it just seems like they're looking for enough symptoms to say oh yeah, that's what this is and move on from there. But it seems like you might do well do stay on some meds for your anxiety and depression. Can't speak on your possible autism or psychosis without knowing a whole lot more about you but something to keep you leveled out on your anxiety seems like the move to make. How often do you have a psychotic episode?

The never ending chasing of pussy, and video games. Work makes it tough though.

To be honest I'm just sticking around to see if spacex delivers on sending people to mars.

when they arrive on mars I'm offing myself on stream

>>722510264
I'm already dead inside

>>722516805
Try the meds, and I mean really give them a try. Not like a week and fuck it, give them a few months, most antidepressants take AT LEAST a month to just start working. Brother I've been there. Keep fighting. If at any time you feel like this is it you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at One Eight Hundred Two Seven Three Eight Two Five Five, please save that number and keep fighting! Or you can text “CONNECT” to Seven Four One Seven Four One to text with somebody. I'm heading out for the night but I wan't you to know you're not alone. You're never alone /b/ro

>>722517511
thanks man, gonna go put some effort into my life and go job hunting RN

>>722516796
>>722517134
Sorry I couldn't keep the conversation going anon, I'm off to bed. Copy the numbers from this post!

>>722517511
And keep fighting anon!

>>722517663
Godspeed anon

>>722513307
>learn to find it yourself.
okay I'll search for small brown woman fucked by penis
thanks

Because it's a sunny day

>>722517134
Every 2-3 months if I'm lucky. Hard to put a time frame on it. Impossible to see coming, especially since meds change the playing field, sometimes potentially provoking episodes.

I'm off the meds for now, but I'm considering going back on them. I've moved from anti-depressants to anti-psychotics, but it seems like desperation really. The last one didn't do much at all.

What really fucking puts me off is that I have a history of liver problems and I have to jump through hoops (blood tests and no alcohol consumption) to get a medication I have absolutely no real reason to think will work.

If there's something I'm slightly more curious and optimistic about it's benzodiazapines, even if the diazepam didn't do much at all. But they're even more anal about prescribing those because of the addiction factor.

So yeah, overall I'm just tired. Feel like I'm chasing a ghost.

>>722511770
>>722510264
someone better find sauce on this or somebody is dying tonight

>>722510264
>friends
>family
>no real reason to die
>constant chance of finding a reason to live

I'm actually enjoying life for the first time in years. I've spent years hiding from the real world. I used social anxiety as an excuse to not leave my house. Been in therapy for 2 years and I'm slowly getting back to my old self. I do have my autism moments in social situations but I'm at least putting myself out there rather than hiding behind a computer screen in my bedroom. Also taking up 1 class this year just to get back on track before I start fulltime next sermester . I'm on a good path at the moment and I'd like to ride the wave and see how far i can go. That's why I haven't killed myself today.

File: tumblr_ol2hwjUZwh1w35wjno2_400.gif (2MB, 350x203px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 350x203px

>>722517218
what games you playing now?
>>722517416
i hope you get resurrected.
>>722517839
good job, g'luck.
>>722518135
who is going to die ?
>>722518231
those are good reasons.

>>722510264
are you planning to kill yourself? is that why you post this every day?

>>722511978
>>722510819
well it should be riley reid, but anything else...

>>722510264
I see these threads almost every day, and always think about it but don't actually post.

sometimes i feel like finding some rope and a chair, but other times i have some shit going on that is nice in life or whatever.

thanks anon

>>722510264
Slowly working towards fucking girls like pic related

>>722510264
Hello, anon.I consider suicide again...maybe my uncles will take me with them where they live so I can have a better life and start my transition (mtf)

>>722510264
I got an assignment due at midnight.

If i kill myself y wont be able to suck the cock cmon op

>>722510264
I promised a friend not to

>>722518850
Sauce?

>>722520444
Nice trips.

And at least you have a friend man. That's something. Unless your friend is a cunt of course.

>>722510264
It's never too late fag

File: tumblr_nj66p6xaeo1un023zo7_500.gif (1MB, 499x281px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 499x281px

>>722519421
i don't plan to. I hope things never get that bad.
>>722519998
don't do it anon. see you tommorrow.
>>722520075
good goal, and g'luck.
>>722520213
don't think about it anymore. stick around. >>722520444
good promise, and nice trips