I'll start: >be 12 years old about 8 years ago >just

>>722412935
So this is a stupid shit we did as kids thread? Meh ill share

>be me
>be 13
>12 pm
>my fatass is hungry
>I want noodles
>I proceed to grab some noodles and a PLASTIC cup
>put water/noodles in cup
>put cup in microwave for 30 seconds
>not hot at all
>continue heating cup until it begins to bend
>get oven mits because I think water will be hot
>cup bursts open as I'm taking it out the microwave
>gets all over my stomach
>I spend a night in the hospital

>>722412935
When i was a kid, i once kept a ferret i found in an alley.

Illpost some stories if anyone wants

>>722413798
Fucking ouch.

I once got my finger crushed by a hot iron. Would not recommended

When I was in 2nd grade I was bitten by a girl and genuinely thought that I turned into a vampire, I even got faster after it happened

>>722414336
Whyd she bite you?

>>722414473
I was making fun of her because she had girl cooties, she was chasing me and my friends around a basketball court when it happened. I thought the result of girl cooties entering my blood stream turned me into a vampire.

>>722414584
Im not gunna call you retarded, cause in 2nd grade that shit wouldve checked out.

Once when i was a kid (sub 3rd grade i believe) i got stung by a bee, and this girl i knew said it had to be sucked out to save my life. So shes sucking on my shoulder as im screaming cause im sure in gunna die

The groundskeeper was having a stitch watching

>>722414781
Vampire autist here, We used to try and step on bees all the time when this one allergic kid got bit and nearly died so we stopped lol

>>722414914
Kek

Im not allergic, but for fucking years afterward i truly though i only lived cause she sucked the stinger out of me.

Im pretty fucking dumb, even today.

Also, she invited me to her birthday party, (same year) and i made her laugh by choking on a piece of pizza

Saw her like 10 years later (she fucking recognized me) and she got insanely hot.

I didnt fuck her, sadly

>be 6 or something
>play with neighbour this stupid game
>have a bigass garden scissor
>i keep konstantly slicing with it while neighbour feeds random plants into it
>idea.jpg
>lets try to get a plant as short as possible
>neighbour puts the plant closer and closer to the blade
>there is basically nothing left of it, but we try to get it even shorter
>snap
>see neighbours finger fall on the ground
>ohdoge

>>722415130
10/10 if true
6/10 if made up

Remember that kid in school who had like 8 charizards, pokemon purple, and his dad had a limo?

>>722415376
Oh its true, i was shaking 2 dayw straight cause i thought i was going to prison.
Heres a short one
>maybe 10
>neighbour forgave me and we are still good friends
>stand on top of some bigass dumpster
>play truth or dare
>i dare him to show his ass to a car that passes by
>he does it
>he challenges me to the same thing, i do it too
>ends up with who holds their pants down for the longest time showing their ass to every passing car
>people took pictures

>>722415795
what if some dude crashed because he came his pants you fuckface?

>Be me in 3rd grade
>Have lice so bad that I can see the bugs on my hands after scratching my hair
>Pick the eggs off at school not knowing what they were
>Scratch the lice bugs onto desks and other shit
>School gets huge lice infection
>No one to this day found out that it was me

I still have dreams about having lice, that shit was fucking horrible. I got them from a poor friend after I spent the night at his house.

>>722415795
Ahahahaha holy fuck

I love you

>>722414009
Tell me about the ferret please.

>>722416168
>be me, 5
> playing in chicago alley
>Throwing rocks at fence
>See slippery tube dude crawl under fence
>runs over to me
>White sable ferret, very pretty
>pick it up, like a moron
>Bites me, but then runs across my arm and sits on my neck
>Half crying half amazed
>Run home, all happy at this point
>Burst in the door, see mom and stepdad (hes one of those stepdads)
>ferret runs off me, towards them, like a furry skud missle
>Mom leaps on table screaming, stepdad laughing his balls off
>He picks up ferret throws it at mom, she bats it away
>Hes doubled over in laughter
>Lets me keep ferret

I got stories about how the ferret bit my grandma, and how it fell asleep in a dryer and was left in with the laundry

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>>722416755
>Slippery Tube Dude

>>722414009
Ferret story faggot.

>>722416834
He was my slippery tube dude, until he ran away

>>722415795
Ill continue
>be on some summer camp with friends
>maybe 10
>we were 4 im a single tent
>for some reasom target onw friend with funny game
>you asked him something like "you want homeland strawberries or foreign blueberries"
>if he said strawberries you would start smacking his face with your dick
>if he said blueberries you would proceed to stuff his face with your ass
Doesnt make any sense but many laughs were had

>>722416983
Here's story two
>Slippery tube dude is known as socks
>Mom hates socks
>Mom also hates grandma
>Mom invites grandma over to watch me
>Grandma starts on mom "oh why is his hair so short, he looks like a nazi, oh why are you still fucking that Harrison ford wanna be (direct quote btw)
>mom tells me to get socks to show grandma
>Wake his ass up (he lived in an old chest with airholes in the top)
>Shake him to get him energized
>He pissed
>Shove him towards grandma
>He bites the ever loving fuck out of her hands
>shes screaming, mom is laughing
>Socks is on my neck hissing at them both

Grandma didnt visit for years

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>>722417155
w-w-what?

>>722417155
Holy shit you're gay.

>>722417155
We can absolutely NOT move past this game you faggot

>>722417155
>talk about a couple of fruits

>>722416989
Guess he 'slipped' away...
Also, didn't you have it checked for diseases.

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>>722417342
How long did you have tube dude?

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>>722417155
Your friend Nine-finger-Randy is gay dude.

>>722417639
Hell no, we were white trash. My stepdads exact words were "if it had rabies, the kid would be dead by now"

Seeing as it had bit me a week prior

>>722412935
>BE ME
>BE A KID
>BE STUPID
>DO STUPID SHIT
grown up now, cant remember, fuck you nggars in the asshole

>>722417670
About a year. I remember it was summer when i had found him, and it was spring when he was lost. My mom refuses to say what happened to this day, so im adamant she either killed him or threw his ass outside to die

Anyone want another story? Tube dude once attacked my moms friend, made him crack his head on the toilet

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>>722417342
Fucking kek

Miss my tube dude. Best pet ever.
Got cancer and died, fucking sucked. She was awesome

>>722417503
CARLOS!

>>722417914
There's never too many ferret stories.

>>722418010
My condolences about tube dudette. Im sure they loved you, and i know how hard it is to lose a friend like that

>>722417155
I were a fucked up kid
>be 8 years ish
>one friend had a phone you could record videoa with
>make television show with a couple of others with his new phone
>we make our own commercials too
>in one show we had a friend peeing
>he would scream something like "please god help me"
>another would jump from a roof infront of him, start milking his dick from pee
>"dont worry, god has this"
>we had somehow got ahold of condoms
>"taste the new everlasting bubblegum" and chew a condom
>a favourite show was gay-offs
>2 persons had to start doing gay shit to each other
>the one who first gets disgusted and backs off loses
>some went as far as kissing
I promis im not homosex

>>722418076
Alright, here we go
>My dumbass decided to flush a corncob down the toilet
>Goes about as well as expected
>Toilet is fucked up hard
>moms friend is a plumber, his name is joey
>Joey is fat and a stereotypical plumber
>Ass hanging out of his jeans, greasy and fat
>Im standing there talking to him as he attempts to snake the cob out
>No go, he needs to lift and separate
>has head between toilet and wall, unscrewing the bottom
>i bring out socks to show my new pal joey
>Joey hates rats and rat like objects
>Place socks on his back
>He asks whats on his back
>I tell him its socks, my pet ferret
>Joey scrambles and tries to stand up, bashing his head into the toilet tank, knocking him out cold
>Socks pisses on him
>I left and watched cartoons

Joey was out cold for a good half hour til my mom got back

>>722418352
>Milking his dick for pee
I wish i could call you gay, but when i was young, me and a friend dressed in his sisters clothes and pretended to be girls

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>>722418600
Long as you dindu nuffin gay, you're off the hook.

>>722418681
I once rubbed my dick on his ass cause we saw it in a tranny porno mag

Tranny porno mag was the reason we also dressed in his sisters clothes. He moved away when his dad saw him wearing his sisters panties

who remembers the superbowl between the ravens and the 49ers? I do...not cause of the game but i was 16 and my best friends sister was 13. But i popped her cherry in the bathroom during im guessing the 2nd quarter. it was early in the game. I saw halftime. It was sooo epic...blood on my dick and she wiped it off with toilet paper then sucked my dick. i cummed in her but she didnt get preggo!

>>722418843
Im not trying to make the thread gay, i swear. Im just saying it happened

>>722417879
>grown up
>full you nggars in the asshole
Are you sure Anon?

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>>722418873
You pooped on in her fanny? Great lad!

>>722419071
*popped one

>>722419071
>fanny to say pussy
Gtfo you limey, unless you gunna regale us with a tale of youth

>>722418600
Sorry but thinking about this scene is unavoidable when reading that
https://youtu.be/szBcshQGGks

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I fell and bit through my lower lip area when I was 2.
Pic related, still have a scar 17 or so years later.

>>722414473
Some People suck at giving blowys

>>722419192
Its quite alright, cause its so fucking scary how simpsons can predict human behavior so well

His dad did not get the nongay explanation i believe. Thus he moved

>>722419214
>i enjoy visual aids to stories

Good on ya anon, really

>Be me in 5th grade
>Had two really good friends, we'd hang out everyday
>One day my friend shows us his dick while we were taking a piss
>We each jerk off to get hard and compare sizes just by look
>We also would just casually take shits and tell jokes
>One morning on the day before summer break I decide to pull a "prank"
>It's reesess and I tell both my friends to follow me
>Go to the restroom that no one ever uses that isn't near the school yard
>Once we're inside I pull my pants down and take a shit in one if the urinals and go to a stall to wipe my ass
>Both my friends join in and shit in the urinals adjacent to the one I shit in

There was a big fucking ordeal with the principal looking for who ever did it but we were never caught.

>>722419214
Ayyye smooth skin.

I grew up with sisters only so I don't have very many neat stories.

>>722419374
Shouldve scapegoated the retarded kid

I once pissed in someone's locker cause i couldnt make it to a bathroom. I just opened a random locker and pissed like a racehorse

>8 years old
>At best friend's house
>It's a ranch
>The back is this beautiful plot of land
>All desert, with a bunch of shit to explore
>What we did is normally is not the focus right now
>We're wandering about and we see a dead rabbit
>Because we're retarded we actually decide "What do you think would happen if we cut up this dead rabbit?"
>My best friend went and got a machete and he got to work.
>I'm telling him wear to cut
>The bunny would not bleed
>I remember being incredibly perplexed by this as a kid
>After about 2 hours we heard his mom calling for us
>We freak out and run, washing the machete off
>We've never tolda our parents or anyone else about this
>tfw I dissected a fucking rabbit at age 8

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>be me 9 at the time
>me and my female friend 8, were playing mom and baby
>we thought for some reason that to make the game more realistic, we should take out shirts off
>friend says that i am hungry, and wants to role play breast feeding
>i proceeded and sucked on her nipples
>she moved to the u.s and we never talked about that ever again
>mfw every time that i remember that

>be 15
>walking thrue town
>homles dude comes up to you
>asks if you want to fuck
>Tell him to fuck off
>tels you to not be rude, and to say hi to your brother
>ask brother
>brother tells you that you missed out

Sorry english not my First language

>>722418435
>Socks pisses on him
>I left and watched cartoons

Nnnnice.

>>722419764
Im pretty sure dude needed a hospital, but my young dumbass just wanted to watch bananas in pajamas

>>722419692
Kek. I grew up with sisters anon.. Can confirm this happens a lot..... Fuck I blame my mother for it happening and ruining my fucking mind. I don't think there was a single friend my youngest sister had that I didn't see their vaginas...... Me and my little sister are a year apart fyi.

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>>722417155

>>722419881
Nice, tell me more

Not faggy wincest, i mean awkward sister shit

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>>722413798

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I was 11 years old when I found my dad's porn stash. He kept it in a suitcase under his side of the bed. First time ever watching port and this being vhs cassette tapes this butch had the biggest muff. Anyways, I'm watching port on my parents bed and I see this dude jacking it and cumming on this big mufeed hoes face. So myself being this is the first time seeing it I decide I'd give it a try. Watching the next scene, I'm rapidly jacking it, I had no idea what an or has was so I just started peeing all over myself and the bed. Lol, i was no where near orgasm. Just naive to the whole sex thing. Parents to this day have never figured out what there was a big ass pee stain all over their bed. Lmao

>>722420464
Sorry I'm on my phine. That's supposed to be muff. Lol

>>722418600
I'm perfectly fine with trannys as long as ther're not triggerd

>>722420464
Are you an only child? If so, they know and fear you are retarded

>>722420031
Well I remember I was in the 2nd grade I think. I vaguely remember the whole ordeal. A girl with like platinum blond hair I was telling her some stupid made up shit about butterflies or something. I told her I wanted to run away and leave school grounds. She agreed and we walked off. I remember it was a really wide sidewalk. Like the kind they build for golfcarts. Anyway were at the fence and she hears the teacher calling everyone in. But we stay and hide and wait for everyone to go in. A few minutes go by and we head back to the playground. Another classes group of kids is already out there and we blend in.. We where playing on the play set when I started feeling dizzy and light headed. I thought old fuck its happening. And passed right the fuck out. I only remember waking up to a few kids and the nurse standing over me.. I don't know what happened to the girl I was with. I figured she got in trouble and her parents made her switch classes because after that day I only saw her one time when I was in the 3rd grade and never again after.

Fyi I had epilepsy. I already knew what was happening but no way to stop it.

>>722419214
Oh hey bain

>>722419374
Welcome to shit tjat never happened land. You got that from south park

>>722420914
Damn, that story took a twist at the end and i loved it

Gg anon

>>722421143
I got another give me a second I'm on mobile.

>>722421143
There was this time my little sister had her bicycle out and was riding it through the yard and this little sidewalk pathway thing infront of our house where our front door is. Well in florida theres these little lizards fucking everywhere that run across the sidewalks when you come close to them to get to the otherside. They are comically stupid little creatures. Anyway she had run one over and I found it. With its ass end half mangled and its mouth still open. My little sister starts freaking out. I told her not to worry about it. And walked to the corner of the house and got this white color brick. And she was like "nooo don't kill it or I'm going to tell mom" I asked her why she wanted to watch it die? And she kept saying don't kill it. And I told her she already killed it by running it over with her bike like a stupid head. (fyi I was like 7 or 8) and I looked at it half dead wishing for death. And I smashed it with the brick. Finishing it off it looked like someone had droped a piece of jelly donut and stepped it into the sidewalk. She screamed and ran inside an snitched so badly. My mother was pissed off for some reason, I still don't see why. Anyway when my father got home that day I got the standard leather belt ass beating I normally got. I fussed about it sure. But at this point it was pretty standard. So I made my argument and got whipped anyway.

Still to this day shes a little snitch that will throw anyone under the bus for personal gain. Because my parents always sided with the girls and she would get away with constantly lying about shit.

>>722412935
Built a sextoy with my own shit and fucked it. One of the most disgusting things ive done :/

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>>722420595
I was 11 you fucking faggot. Besides ITT this is supposed to be kids doing stupid shit, so your actually the one that looks retarded you fucking newfag.

>pic related to you.

>>722422279
Full story pls

>>722423775
No u

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>be me
>don't remember how old I was but I can remember I'm being smol
>mom ask me to make little brother milk
>powder milk
>need hot water
>have to shake the bottle
>have a stupid idea
>shake it while pouring the hot water
>water leak out cause the hole from where I pour the hot water in
>close the fuckin hole
>do the same shit
>burnt my hand in process

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>be me about 9 or 10 years old
>have a brother, still pretty close to this day
>basically would wait until our parents would go to bed, sneak into his room and play BUTTS
>this involved being completely naked and squatting on each other's faces
>haven't said a word to him about it ever
>not sure if he even remembers
>I'm 21 he's 18 now

>>722424303
I used to burn myself as a kid all the time. One time I stuck a knife into a live outlet. Kids are dumb as fuck.

Bumping for more stories. Anyone have the one where the kid knows a kid in his school and he makes these creepy text based games about his dead mom?

>>722422279
Yeah you're gonna have to explain that one

>>722416092
My bro had lice. Had to shave his head. It was a godsend I didn't get them.

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>>722422279
Anon story now