Had my first sexual experience with another man last night.

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Had my first sexual experience with another man last night.

>be me
>white 18 year old guy
>been wanting to try something for a few years
>put up CL ad
>older black dude responds, he's like 43
>am intrigued, after a lot of talking and debate I decided to meet him at his apartment
>get there, dude is like 200 lbs and smells like cheap cologne, nothing like his pic
>still nervous and unsure but decide to get through it
>he sits on his couch, place is decent but not that clean, everything smells like cheap cologne
>pulls down pants, fucking massive dick comes out, hits me in face
>smells like cologne, like he literally poured that shit on his dick
>unsure about it
>he sees my hesitation and tells me to do it
>start sucking, can't put the damn thing in my mouth
>do it for like 3 minutes until my jaw is tired and I tell him I'm unsure about doing it
>my mouth is literally accumulated in cheap cologne now
>again, he convinces me to at least let him finish
>I agree one last time and pulls out condoms and some Vaseline and tells me to go to the bedroom
>go to bedroom and lay bent over bed
>he comes in and takes off my pants, says some racist shit about me being white
>at this point I am not intrigued at all
>he rubs Vaseline over my asshole that I cleaned and shaved before arriving
>stuffs that massive dick in my ass without warning and starts fucking me
>I can't breathe cuz he's on me so I'm trying to hold onto the bed for dear life
>fucks me for like 10 mins straight
>feel like I'm going to shit myself
>finally rips off condom and sends a stream of cum all of my back, some hitting my face, literally looked like a johns person comic
>I'm basically exhausted, he gets up, dresses and in the most conniving voice tells me to get up and leave and to never talk to him again

I'm at a lost for words. Seriously. Who thinks this kind of shit is attractive? I'm infuriated and mad at myself for letting it happen. To anyone out there wanting to try it, don't.