I've learned a lot in my short time alive. Pull up a chair,

O wise one, what advice do you give to someone slowly recovering from social anxiety?

>>720168593
Social Anxiety is such a bastard. We need each other and our connections as humans, and with an anxiety like that, it can be easy to fall into a cycle of isolation.

Isolation is the key word here. Don't do it to yourself, and don't let it happen to yourself, either.

When you interact with others, do you remember the normal people, or the ones who stand out? What do you have to prove? Are these people going to roast you publicly if you deviate slightly from 'the norm'? What is the norm? It changes based on where/who you are with.

If you have good friends, keep them close. Learn about them, and treat them well. Remember that not all humans can click with each other. Sometimes its okay to let people go, or to not want to be involved in a situation.

Do what works for YOU. not others.

>>720169122
Bless you, o wise one

>>720169324
Stay safe, Space Cowboy. You got this.

Op is still a fag, makin new threads lolololol

>>720169438
Sucking dicks can be a blast. Do you deny a delicious meal before you've ever even tried it?

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I just found out that I have bipolar II. I've constantly either depressed or working frantically on a project (hypomania) knowing that I'll just get depressed again. I'm a school-based counselor, and I have no business counseling others when I can't get my own shit together... but I've applied to places for over 2 years, almost 100 applications, but the only ones that offer me jobs are other counseling-like jobs that either pay too little (too many student loans) or would be just as stressful as my current job.

>>720169743
oops, guess my question is what should I try next? I'm on meds but I'm still an anxious fucker.

>>720169743
Maybe you could really benefit from helping those students and other people. I know when I get into a rut, I find that I often give the best advice.. sooo, why wont I listen to my own advice? Thats the tricky part..

Ive never experienced Bi-polar, but would you agree that your perceptions and reactions/emotions when you have a bipolar episode are directly mirroring the content of your character? Or do you feel as though it turns you into a different person?

Maybe a really big switch in the way you go about life could change this, and I dont know for certain. When I was severely depressed, I contribute one of my biggest allies to be the change that I forced myself into.

I had a lot of rotten beliefs, hatred, anger, ignorance.. you name it. I was constantly seeing the bad side of things when there is an equal and opposite good side. I needed to change my perceptions, so I did.

Theres a LOT of ways to go about doing this.. Moving to a different place in the world, following a path or religion (for me, Buddhism really helps), practice Mindfulness, create exercises that help you to slowly change your ever-occuring thoughts. You can even dig deep into this with some psychology if that field interests you

>>720169841
Targeting your anxieties is a really good start. Take special attention to when you start to feel anxious, and when it hits you hard. Take note of EVERYTHING. It could be certain colors of light, to a smell, to a person, to a old wooden chair.

Anxiety, by its nature, is an illusion. A manifestation of "What ifs" and "whens". Quite literally nobody knows those answers.

Embrace the doubt; trust the process.

>>720170247
When I'm depressed (which is most of bipolar II) I'm a completely different person. I'm usually energetic and bubbly and some of it is probably the hypomanic side of me where I have tons of energy and can hyperfocus on one thing for months. It's hard to just pick up and move because b/w my wife and me both having gone to graduate school we have TONs of loans... like more than 1k a month paid. I did get offered a job in California (I currently live on the East coast) but we couldn't afford to move there without my wife also having a job with the salary they were offering. I feel like my job makes me crazy, and often have a meltdown before work every day. The kids I have are "high risk" and I'm constantly having emergencies. Last week I was attacked by a client with a razor blade. I came out fine, but it's still scary as shit. Also found out another kid had a gun in his locker. Just can't do it anymore.

>>720168217
There's a girl in my university that I think likes me, but not sure because she might just be trying to be friends with the silent introverted neet out of pity.

Sits next to me and strikes interesting conversations. We're in the same program, so have a lot in common. She's not smokin' hot or anything but definitely passable, has a "cute nerd" thing going on.

How can I avoid being a complete sperg?

I have gf, and 1 girl is really turning me on. Do you eat onions with french fries? Today I've ate some and also put some mustard and drink 4 beers with it. I also would like to buy new lap top, but old one is still pretty good. Wat do? Plz hlep

>>720170840
When you first meet a cool individual, whats a good first step? Becoming friends! How could you hope to date somebody before you even really know them as a person? Some studies say it takes 3-6months to reveal someones truer natures.

Love and relations like this arent something that can be rushed. If it happens, it will happen, and if it does not, well, theres 7 billion-ish options.

My advice would be to keep on keeping on. She wouldnt continually talk to you if you didnt interest her in <some way>. The more you overthink this, the worse it could get. Dont psych yourself out, anon. Shes a person. Youre a person. Your both just human.

Remember to communicate, too. Never assume anything based on even her actions until youve taken the steps to see it from her point of view, by asking her.

Communication is an absolute make or break in friendships and lovers alike. Do some googling /b/ro. You got this.

>>720171247
Open relationship/non-monogamy may be right for you. No, leave the onions at home. Beer isnt so bad, but its calorie heavy, real easy to drink calories. Do you NEED a new laptop? Is it essential to your existence? Will it improve your life in any way shape or form?

I just broke up with my first girlfriend. We dated for about a year. The reason i broke up with her is that she cheated on me about three months into our relationship. The thing is that we were already pretty close (I was helping her quit self harming, bulimia and general image problems) and she lied and told me that she was raped by this girl she decided to fuck (I wanted to go to the police straight away but she said no and that shouldve been the first sign that she was lying.) When I finally found out she told me that it to was so that she could "sort of" get it off her chest. Of course, before I found out I had nothing but pent up anger and suicidal thoughts. But I finally got the balls to end it with her. I've settled on that she is a horrible fucking person. We go to the same school but no classes together, thank god (I'm sorry this took so long) and here's my question(s): is there anything I could've done better? Anything I should do now? Should I keep my distance? Is it worth trying to stay friends with people like that?

>>720170780
I think you've already figured it out for yourself. Its okay to change professions. Why on earth would you continue to put yourself in this situation which you've found clearly does not work for you?

Money is money, but your life, kids, wife, and yourSELF cannot be priced. There are always ways to save more money and live more frugally, if even for just a short while.

>>720171368
Thanks anon. This might explain why I've never held a gf for more than a month. I over-analyze absolutely everything. Can't help it. My day is so monotonous there's not much else to do.

Any advice on how to stop worrying about what others think of me? Seems like all the advice I get on this is useless bullshit.

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Is it okay that I'm married but have insane crushes on Youtube celebrities? Even to the point that I buy all their merch. My hubby knows I'm into it and doesn't care. I am literally in love with Sean Mcloughlin (Jacksepticeye), Hannah Hart, and, admittedly, Andy Biersack. I watch all of Andy Biersack's interviews, and I have the two books Hannah Hart made. I have whole folders on my computer of each one of these people!

>>720168217
>itt: some 15 yo kid thinks he has life all figured out

i was like this too kid, trust me, you dont know shit. every 5 years of your live you will look back at the you 5 years ago and ask how you could have been that dumb.

PROTIP: the wise dont think they are wise

>>720171787
You are really self-aware. Thats a great trait to have, anon.

What can you change about the past? Of course theres nothing you could have done better. Its a baseless wonder, as the answer can never be found. What you can do <here> and <now> is learn from this experience. You felt love, you felt hatred, you felt betrayed, and confused.

Study it. Soak it in. How has this experience with this girl made you into a better person?
Forgiveness is perhaps the most potent antidote. True forgiveness.

It is okay. It is over.
I would say to give distance to each other. Don't be friends, but dont be enemies either. Give her a smile and a "hello" if you pass her in the halls.

>>720171808
I don't have kids of my own, I meant the kids I work with. I guess you're right. My wife makes decent money, and has talked about me quitting and making finding a different job my "full time job" until I found one I could do. It would make me feel like such a looser though, for her to do all the working while I'm on my ass at home :( But, I think it's going to come to that. Another stressor is that my wife has decided that we should have the "are we having kids" talk, and she wants them. I know that I have a 70-80% chance of passing on Bipolar to my kids, so it doesn't feel ethical to have them at all, especially since I can't keep my own shit together. Who wants a manic/depressive for a parent?

>>720172293
Thank you OP. Forgiveness is in the works. Your words helped

>>720172023
Worrying on the opinions of others stems largely from what you think of yourself.

I know it seems like a tacky answer, but this is something I have struggled with greatly, and still do today. When we are in a better place, surrounded by people that we enjoy, and places that make us warm, you relax. you let your guard down. You dont care half as much about their opinions, because you trust and know them.

The funny thing is, everyone around you, at every moment, is forming opinions. Thats just the brain doing its job, its scanning, its learning, its telling. Opinions are nothingness, its what actions that follow which matter.

Work on yourself firstly and foremost. Make yourself confident by following in your ambitions and dreams one tiny tiny tiny step at a time. Every bit counts!

If you're trying to lose weight, go do 1 push up right now. Cant hurt right?

>>720172205
I never claimed to be wise, I only came here to talk to others. Thats pretty much the point of 4chan, especially /b/.

I do not have it all figured out, but I know the things that I have learned. Keeping an open mind is something I hold very close. Sometimes what I learned can truly help others through their sludges.

Life is always up and down, it will be beautiful, and a bitch. And thats the best part about it all.
You cant have black without white.

>>720172098
This is interesting, I've never really been exposed to that situation. I don't see that theres anything wrong going on. If its not hurting you financially, then buy the books and read them. Books are great.

Is it affecting your personal relationships? Do you find yourself struggling to make connections with other people, and you are more interested in the celebrities?

What about the youtubers makes you so happy? Is it their company? the content they produce? Their physical appearance?

>>720172863
Thank you

I married the only guy I've ever really dated and am totally in love with him but Im starting to feel like I really miss the whole dating thing. Like the beginning of relationships and getting to know each other and first kisses and all that butterfly in the stomach feelings. I know I should feel lucky I've probably found my soulmate and most people want to be married and happy but I see people sometimes and just wonder what it would be like to date them for like a couple months. Your opinion? I can't really ask my friends

Semi addicted to porn. I think its more an addiction to jacking off but the porn definitely aides it. Its been a few years now. I have withdrawals that feel like anxiety attacks. I'm not into anything fucked up and I think if I stop it could boost my self confidence. How do I stop?

>>720172764
You can always adopt children! Why create another one when there are so many without loving parents and a home?

Your worth is not judged based on if/when you are employed.. I think its a popular culture to see work as an extension of yourself. Who says you have to sit on your ass at home?

Go volunteer, go explore the town on a bike, go searching around craigslist for oddjobs

>>720173433
Sadly, I'd love to adopt some older kids, but the wife is completely uninterested in adopting. In fact, she's totally against it. Also, again, I don't think I could raise them in any healthy/appropriate manner.

>>720172822
I am so glad to hear it :)

>>720173279
Thank you!

>>720173388
Why do you think it would boost your self confidence to quit? It would show self-discipline, which is something to be quite proud of!

It seems like you are aware that your addiction is to the feeling, and not the porn itself. Sexual desire is among the most ingrained and primal things we deal with as humans. It can literally drive your decisions if you are horny.

Addiction is really tricky.. theres really never one answer that works for everybody. You should see if you can't find some alternatives that are quick and accessible. When you feel the desire to fap, try really hard to divert your attention to your new scape-goat.

Could be E-cigs, could be writing/drawing in a notepad, could be playing a game on your phone. Personally, I recommend meditation. Theres a billion ways to meditate, and clearing your head can help you learn about your desires and what drives you.

If a pond is full of ripples, thinking more thoughts is like trying to calm those waves by throwing more rocks into it.

When you sit in silence, and steady your breathing, image that youre doing this with your hands in the water. Back and forth. Back and forth. Eventually, the waves will clear by your fingers, and you can see into the water for the first time.

i lack discipline man, i had 4 days to finish something that at best took 20 minutes and i didn't do shit i'm trying to improve but i don't really know how

>>720173363
Nobody ever wants to hear this, but maybe Monogamy isn't right for you. We are incredibly diverse creatures whos main desire is <experience>. We're constantly seeking new ones, continuing old ones, and reveling in the discovery of something that really strikes your bells.

Sounds like your bells are ringing in the tone of human connections. You want to love more than one person? How in the 7 layers of Yggdrasil is that a bad thing? More love? Isn't that what the 60s was all about?

It may be time to have a serious conversation with your partner. It may be very difficult for them to understand at first. Assure them this:

They come FIRST. You love them unyieldingly (extra effect if you give them a hand-made gift or something very special). Prove to your partner, right there and then that your love will not change,

But you are feeling the need to change something about your life. Grasp it. Experience it. This is your life, too. Your partner should ideally want you to never be held back by their limitations.

Take it slow. Non-monogamy is difficult for many. Read books, search online, but above all, NEVER leave them out of this. Open your communication from 100% to 300%. Tell each other everything. Every thought. Ever emotion.

NEVER blame. You are working together in this.

Good luck! Do not fear change. Embrace it

Alice, what is the true meaning to life?

>>720173755
Have you considered foster parenting? Maybe you could have another conversation with your wife about all of this. Figure it out together.

The best person who knows about this, is you and her. I can only do you so much good ;)

How do I suck my own dick?

>>720174334
This is what im struggling with right now the most. I keep procrastinating the things I know I value and are important.

Its so easy to just submit to doing nothing, or continue doing a passtime like smoking or gaming. When you accomplish these things, doesnt it make you feel good? Doesnt it boost your ambition to do it again and again?

Take things slow. Dont beat yourself up over failures, as a failure is another opportunity to succeed. Learn from your habits and what is encouraging this procrastination.

What I found in myself, and it will be different for all, is my own stubbornness is holding me back more than anything. I have this ingrained will to want to relish in my sadness and remain angry over joyful. Its the craziest thing, because on the flip side, its all within my brain, which I have full control over. I can, quite literally, flip a switch from anger to happiness, and you can too. Everybody can do that, so why dont we?

Theres a certain comfort in staying angry. Its a fuel on a fire. It honestly does feel good to believe that it was entirely someone or somethings fault. You want to be angry, you want to feel in control.

Your mind is more poweful than you give it credit for. Make a lot of changes, big or small, in your life. Take care of yourself, and do not fear change. We can easily stagnate and grow complacent as humans. Its easy. Its comfortable. But it does slowly eat you alive

>>720174855
Politics

>>720173964
Thank you so much. Working out is definitely helping rn and I will try my best to meditate and write more. I think that gaining self discipline will help with my self confidence and I really would not mind that. Ive been waking up a lot in the night with feeling of withdrawal and the only thing that allows me to fall back asleep is jacking off. This causes me to lose sleep and I feel that meditation will take more time but if that's an option I'm willing to try it. Thank you again!

>>720174434
Only you can create this answer.

>>720174855
Start with the happy-baby Yoga position. Stretch every night for AT LEAST 35 seconds. Dont go passed 60 seconds.

You have to be patient dude, please believe me on this. You can SERIOUSLY fuck up your back if you are not patient. It feels easier to get into these yoga positions, but when you exit them... oh my god some of the pain ive had.

Start with Happy Baby, and work your way towards Sleeping Yogi position. Thats arguably the best way to auto-fellatio.

>>720168217
uh huh, only its obvious that your still stuck in a shitty place in life, so how can you give advice?

>>720175071
gold answer

>>720175251
When you wake up, instead of fapping, get a really basic routine of stretches. Stretching before bed did more for my mental health than I care to admit.. Its a form of meditation in its own way. You're caring for your body, counting, breathing slowly and deeply through the stretches.

You get so tired after doing them in the dark, on your cozy bed. Your body is loosened, relaxed, and begging to go back to sleep. You control your thoughts, pick up a sword and fight back!

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Idk if you would reply but

I tend to find I like isolation. Due to a herd of events in my life I prefer to be alone. I end up talking to myself more than I talk to others, and I prefer it that way.

I have to get a temp job until school again, but I don't want to. I don't want to learn new faces, new people new rules. I just want to be alone.

Anything?

How big is your willy?

>>720175469
I am having troubles of my own. I find that I give the best advice when im hurting. Im learning to take my own advice, and it brings me inconsiderable joy to truly make somebody smile.

>>720175539
I don't think you truly want to be alone. Theres nothing wrong with introversion, but humans by their very nature do not, and cannot survive by themselves.

We need connections. We need love, and support, and the feel of skin on skin whether thats a hug, a handshake, or a rimjob.

Ill be honest, this question is a little beyond what im comfortable answering. I wont sit here and pretend to know answers that I just dont have.

Somehow, I would aim on figuring out why you like this isolation. If you're a learner-type, I encourage you to look into the Russian child deprevation experiments way back when.

Essentially, they kept children in a room, alone, forever. A man in a full white suit would enter, give food and water, and leave. The kids eventually just died. They werent starving, they were thirsty. They were alone.

If youre an explorer type, I highly encourage you to do a lot of research, but look into LSD, Pscilocybin, or MDA (sass). Some of these substances completed changed my world as to the important of human connectivity. We truly are One.

>>720175687
about 5.9. Its above 5.7, but under 6.0

he treats me well.

>>720175070
>Take things slow. Dont beat yourself up over failures
i struggle with this, i'm very self demanding so when i don't do things efficiently I can't help but despise myself

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Back in 2011-2012 I spent a year abroad in Australia, met this girl from canada (german fag myself). Was into her from minute one, we kept contact and it's been steadily increasing, we text basically every day. At this point I'm just fucking obsessed with her.

She knows I love her and isn't completely opposed, but she has a boyfriend and the 7000km distance aren't helping. Personally I think she's only with her bf so she isn't alone, our talks got pretty intimate when she was abroad over christmas. She flew to a friends wedding in Bangladesh and actually stopped by in Germany for a few hours that we spent together.

Obviously I couldn't really make a move on her knowing she has a boyfriend. She admitted that we would probably be dating if we lived closer to each other, but now that she's back in Canada she's been a bit distant with me and I'm unsure how to deal with it.

She will probably visit europe for a few weeks or even a month during summer and I basically told her not to have a boyfriend when she's here to which she basically agreed.

What the fuck do I do not to go insane over this?

>>720176120
Each failure begins an opportunity. Each failure is a teacher for yourself and onto others. You learn from these things. Trust yourself, and trust in your mistakes!

Life is never perfection. Mistakes will be made! Its okay to laugh at yourself. In fact, I recommend it. Go look at some old myspace photos and cringe in awe.

fucking magnets, how do they work?

>>720176450
yea nice meme you fuckign shitter

>>720176173
Its okay to love somebody, but don't let it bring your life down! Love is a beautiful thing. And you two seem to click really well, thats awesome.

You dont have to be dating to care about this person. You can remain friends, and good friends. You have to accept and understand that this connection between you two is TWO ways. Shes on one side, and you, the other.

Be open with your communication. Maybe she is creating distance because it hurts for her, too. Maybe she is creating distance because she started classes, or found a great new hobby. Maybe she is creating distance because you are making her question the love of her boyfriend.

Do not be afraid to love more than one person. Love is a precious thing, just make sure that you arent leaving any room for mind reading and assumptions. Open up the dialogue between you two. Have a nice and good talk about this.

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>>720176450

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>>720176450
ask ICP

>>720176681
only good vibes in here
I bet your hair looks GREAT today.

Same anon with the cheating ex that told me she was raped

What's the best way to initiate a friendship with someone? There's this girl in my AP environment science class and she is the whole package. She's cute, has freckles, curly hair, a great laugh and is super smart. I've only talked with her a few times. I guess I'm crushing but I really just think I'm interested in who she is and what she's like. I just want to get to know her a little more. I don't even want to date. Especially because of what I just went through. I know I need time to collect myself and get to know her before I even think about dating her. I'm just curious whats a simple way to show her id like to be friends

>>720176761
Thanks dude, that is actually really helpful to hear something positive about it. Maybe I can get some sleep now, being a little more optimistic about it all. Have a great one.

>>720176992
Be yourself. Dont aim for a GF before youre even friends, youll psych yourself out.

Be direct with your intentions. Maybe you could ask her if she wants to get lunch or coffee sometime, and make it really clear that its just a friendly thing. You're not interested in dating right now, you said it yourself.

honesty works better than we give credit. If you're just like, "Im just trying to branch out more on campus and meet new people" then she will totally respect that. Give her power in this situation. Give her a VERY easy way to back out, and dont be the least bit upset if she says no.

Its okay that she may not want to get coffe! Shes not going to suddenly stop being your friend.

Make sure to meet other people, too, and not just her. Make idle comments in class. Answer questions. Everyone secretly loves the people who break the awkward silence and tension of a classroom.

OP, I have a question... my friends ask me for relationship advice when I haven't held a relationship for longer than 7 months since elementary school. Why is it that I can give gr8 advice but cant use it myself?

>>720177268
Your outlook is everything, keep it optimized ;)
Dream in colour, anon

>>720177531
I ask myself this almost every single day. I honestly dont have the answer to this quite yet.. but ill try speculating because im a living example of this.

I think as I mentioned to an anon above, we always want to feel that we have 'control' in life. We want to believe that our decision are deciding the fate of everyone around us.

Life isnt a single-player game, and all those NPCs trotting around are /their own main characters/. Everyone is in this game.

I think when I feel anger, and when I feel jealousy, that is my way of 're-establishing control' over a situation. Anger and Jealousy, likewise, often stem from a "loss of control".

What can we possibly control but our own self and our own mind? Its easier to revel in rage and believe that THEY were wrong and that its ALL THEIR FUCKING FAULT.

Honestly, thats so..so rarely the case. We all have to self-improve, and more often than not, everybody could have done <something> better in any given situation, but, dont dwell on the untouchable, intangible past.

tl;dr - You are the commander of your body. Reassume control over your vessel. YOU decide to be angry or YOU decide to calm down, breathe, overpower your silly desire to be MAD and think about things.

What I love to do is, when something makes me angry, ive taught myself to forcibly view the "best" outcome that could have happened.
making the choice is so hard.

>>720178360
Pt.2


Lets say my partner is going to deliver some ice cream to me. She calls and says they didnt have my favorite flavour, so I get a little irked about it. She says "I got you a different flavor that sounded good."

OH GREAT, NOW I HAVE SOME RANDOM ICECREAM. ITS GUNNA SUCK. ITS GUNNA TASTE AWFUL. I JUST WANTED MY FLAVOUR.

Shut yourself the fuck up, take a mental step back, and breathe. Breathing sounds so lame, I know, but it is deeply rooted in thousands of cultures. (plus, we kinda need to breathe)

"You know, the flavour shes bringing could be a new experience for me. It may even become my new favorite flavour. I wonder if its sweet? Maybe tangy? I can feel excited about this surprise and mystery!"

We always have this choice, but

how do i make friends

>>720168217
As a guy learning Photography will people see me as a creep or will they think I'm artistic and a decent person? In terms of hobbies which ones help in the long run of life