i'm gonna tell you a story /b/, maybe you can make me understand what happened
>be me >have good friend, lets call him jack >jack and I have a complicated friendship >jack is a fun guy, we can sit and talk about anything for hours and almost always have the same perspective on life >friends since sophmore year but as the years passed we started drifted apart, but i still dont know why >junior year, jack is dating this senior feminazi, lets call her bitch >bitch is absolutely crazy, bipolar, suicidal, vegetarian, stuck up cunt, and not to mention president of multiple clubs >i hate her, but i want jack to be happy so i do nothing >soon enough he begins to be lured into her bullshit, doesnt listen to me, basically ignores me over time, becomes an asshole to me >after 5 months of them dating, she cheats >see my chance, try to convince him to stop seeing her >doesnt listen >continues going out with her >a few more months go by and school is almost over >bitch cheats again, jack comes to his senses and says he will break it off with her >bitch threatens suicide >jack stays with her, i try to convince him otherwise >breaks off contact with me for a month for "me being a cunt" >2 months later, he finally breaks up with her cause she tries to rape him >im not a man of grudge, so i see an opportunity to get my friend back >jack and i back to talking, but it just doesnt feel the same >our senior year now, we are now on and off talking and liking each other >he thinks im avoiding him >I think he's avoiding me >endless love-hate cycle >start getting college acceptances back >enter this new guy, lets call him steve
>steve has always been around, but me and jack were never too close to him, essentially acquaintances >steve has dated this hot chick since freshman year, and now after 3.5 years, they broke it off cause she cheated >since steve has always dated this chick, he doesnt have many friends >drove everyone away so that they wouldnt steal his gf >steve comes to us seeking friendship >we hang out, all is pretty well, me and jack still have a rough relationship >over time, i like jack less and less because he's a real cunt with some things like money >must always split everything as even as possible so he doesnt have to pay a cent over >nigga once asked me for his dime back >as time passes, jack and steve get close >try to convince jack that steve is a cunt >jack disagrees with me, says he likes steve, especially since they are heading to the same school >out of high school now, jack and steve essentially became best friends >throw me out of the loop >i lose contact with jack over the summer, partially cause i fucked up my phone, partially cause he didnt respond to my messages >eventually go to college >see that jack and steve are having the time of their lives, hooking up, party a lot, hanging out a lot >note we were never the party/drinking/hookup type >me and jack always looked down on that shit >until now that is >fast forward first semester of college >i made barely any friends in college, mostly just gained one really cool dude >jack is balling with steve, getting girls, partying at steve's all the time, living the college dream
>fast forward to this past winter break >I now have only my OG friends from middle school, my new pal from college, and all of my friends from highschool have currently dropped me >note ive had a gf for the past 3 years, but we were never the type to never hang out >hung out with people together, never seemed to be a problem >essentially become friendless besides a selected few that i know like brothers >down to 4 friends that I really know >life is basically shit >havent went outside for anything besides gf for the past month >no one to hang out with >my good bros now going away to college again >note, i still live at home since my college is nearby, whereas all my bros went to out of state schools >sitting here on /b/ every night contemplating wtf to do >only have gf >lonely af >depressed af from losing all my friends
i have no one at this point, i havent showered in weeks since i dont go out, i go to bed at 8am, wake up at 4pm every night for the past month my life is a mess. what went wrong? was anyone else in this situation? what do i do?
The only thing that you technically did wrong was attempt to convince Jack that Steve was an ass. However this wasn't what made your life go downhill. If you're sad your bros are going away, keep in touch. If you're feeling lonely, make new friends. If you think losing Jack was a problem, then you should've kept contact with him, regardless of any "loop", but if he was the one who drifted away then there's really nothing you could've done and you shouldn't feel bad about it.
OP it's not always about having friends man, if you pick up hobbies, or find some self enlightenment and time to yourself, your mental health will thank ya' in the long run. Friends come and go, but you're stuck with you.
Look after you first, real friends will be made aware to you as life goes on. As for the hanging out places? Go yourself, start the group. I'm going to Bar 'x' tonight 'b'ro you wanna come? No? Sweet. I'll go and meet people, maybe find regular bar 'b'ro's.
tl;dr, step out of your boundaries, and look after yourself. You'll be fine /b/ro
>>719860422 though I agree that quality is better than quantity, all of them are away to college
im not the party type, dont even know where to go. i live in NYC and despite what you may see on tv or in movies, all we have here are restaurants and museums, none of which id go to alone
>>719860455 currently it is almost crucial to make connections since I'm in college, and not having anyone for that is really a disadvantage to say the least. I find it hard to let go of jack, he was an amazing bro despite the shit that it turned out to be. Worst part is that he is the only friend of mine who ever lived close to my place, he lives down the block, everyone else at least 4 miles away
>>719860505 the 4 i have are here to stay, i have no doubt about that, but currently its really been getting to me. im an active person, and it sucks to have no one but gf to be active with
Since you have a longtime girlfriend, why not ask her to marry you? Seems like you're getting to be that age, and getting married means you'll forever be non-lonely. Also have a kid, your mental process with shift immediately, super responsibility for taking care of the kid + family will be the only thing that matters. Friends will be cool, but what's important is family.
>>719860824 me and jack agreed from the start that steve was a cunt with money especially. he's jewish for fucks sake, and that's not even a joke i dont know why he likes him so much, jack even told me that steve and him barely shared anything in common like we did. dont know where to make friends, i go to a commuter school. literally everyone i seemingly got to know lives 10 miles away. The guy i actually got close to? he was literally one of the only ones who dormed, lives 40 miles away in another city.
>>719860848 family currently broke after buying a vacation house. that fucked us all good, took out loans to pay what little i actually owed for college. i cant find a part time job thats even semi convenient. am also 19, not too many places would allow me into the door.
>>719860867 have a gaming pc i built, but gaming dudes are rarely on nowadays and too poor to buy titles people play today. just play with my 4 bros on occassion. im an incredibly social person, i cant go a day without having a conversation with someone, am on skype/facebook at least 5 hours a day with anyone
>>719861360 Your greentext made it seem like Jack was the Jew >don't know where to make friends Well I mean, that's not something we can figure out for you, but really you could probably just join a club
>>719859015 Here you see a male drone ensnare its prey. As the drones paralyzing venom takes effect. The prey is unable to resist. As the prey is completely immobilized. The drone carries it off to the nest to privide sustenance for its offspring.
>>719859919 well, I was in the same sort of situation. A little green text for you to relate:
>go to college in different country >too lazy to get new phone contract so barely have connection to new people I meet >get fat because of lots of eating and drinking >only have one really good friend - hate most people, nobody talks to me >decide fuck it and ask myself why anybody would even want to be friends with me >stop smoking, drinking excessively, start working out, running >lose weight, get healthy and look better >positive outlook on life >all of the sudden more happy people in my life >new friends >keep working on myself, find job, read, learn, socialise, find new hobbies >snowball effect
here's the thing: friends are not something that will give you a good life - a good life will give you friends you need to find true happiness and purpose in life that DOESNT depend on social acceptance
you should never feel the need to be validated by other people. Ask yourself: how much value are you offering to other people? Do you organise things? Can you mentor people? are you proficient at something? Why should people come to YOU?
tl;dr: work on yourself, develop self-esteem, become happy independent of other people and the rest will follow
wallowing in self-pity will get you nowhere; I can offer more advice if you want, i was in the same hole once
>>719859919 If you have four true friends then your doing fine. Quit complaining about people who you dont see as your friends anymore. And if having four friends isnt enough for you, then go out and meet new people. Your fiiiiiinnnne
Your 19 you'll go through cycles. Friends will naturally disappear over time but new friends will come into your life.
Just keep on doing things that make you happy. You'll look back at this someday and think about what a whiny little bitch your being. If your friends turn into cunts cut them out don't beg them to stay.
>>719860908 It is not crucial unless you're trying to get into politics or some bullshit like that. In which case joining a frat would've served you better on both fronts. People come amd go and will continue to do so thecrest of your life. Those guys will probably hit you up later on once they've been trampled on a few times.
>jack isnt too keen on having sex, some childhood shit he never shared with me >last summer he went away to visit her at her college and stay a night >their relationship was a shitshow at that point >she thinks helping him lose his virginity would solve everything >offers him sex while he is there >he declines >she is pissed all day, they go to bed eventually >jack wakes up middle of the night with her trying to shove his dick inside her
>>719862403 thats solid advice. i guess im just feeling down so i have the urge to bitch, but i do agree that ill look back and cringe. thanks man
I haven't talked to my best friend since a year. He dumped me and then never even replied to my messages. I swear, even though i don't know where he lives i will find him and break into he's house at night. Then probably traumatize him for life somehow
>>719862521 im planning to go into business after i get an engineering degree. i need those connections to survive in today's world. and yeah, im sure they will, it did happen once already lmao. thanks man
>>719863260 holy shit well jack's pretty fucked in the head then and you shouldn't blame him for drifting away and also your possibly better off not dealing with the inevitable shit his fucked up head will bring him and everyone around him also i find it hard to believe there's nothing to do in NYC gtfo the house i'd cut my dick off to live there
My broadest advice is: find something that makes you happy by yourself. You're in college now, so a change in environment will always lead to a slump.
Is there something you really like to do? If so: are you doing it a lot? Are you good at it? In my case what I really like to do was learning about investing: so I poured a lot of money and time into buying and reading books, audiobooks and online courses on the topic. Not only has this helped me get a really cool and lucrative part time job on the side but it also gives me confidence in knowing that there is something I can do better than other people. Sports are an option too. So is the gym.
College is a great opportunity to really capitalise on that. Find a hobby or something you REALLY like and are interested in and then invest time in that. Find a group or society that focusses on that and attend meetings or whatever.
The core point is: become happy about your life independent of what other people think of you or how much attention they are paying to you.
Friends leave you for dumb reasons, then they weren't really friends in the first place. If you don't like going out that much then you shouldnt have to change that for other people. That's good.
>>719860908 Would you describe yourself as sensitive, socially conscious but a little anti-social? Prefer to avoid aquantainces you're not good friends with, perhaps don't hang out for just the sake of hanging out, rather do activities with people and spend your down time alone, but that makes you lonely now?
I think im similar to you. If im right then you're probably overcomplicating things by thinking to much and perhaps coming off as calculating or uninterested. I'm at a similar point in life to you: in uni, need to make connections, terrible at networking, people bother me and i only go out of my way to maintain relationships when im lonely or more often when it's convenient. I'm not used to making an effort to build a community around me because i have always been satisfied with the community i happened to be a part of.
The fact that you tried to turn steve against jack says a lot. Maybe he was an asshole but as soon as you start talking shit behind someone's back to their friend that creates a rift and makes you look worse. Sounds like steve and jack are more freewheeling than you.
I can relate. I'm in uni and i don't mix with my classmates very well. They're all city hipsters and i spent my most formative years working with true rednecks, so ive only made friends with 2 guys who are similarly blunt like me. At least im not disliked, i think most people believe i just want to be left alone. Uni is as much about socializing as it is about preparing to be proffessional and I'd rather just do the proffessional part. I'm also lazy and maintaining relationships is work. Most people rely on relationships so it comes naturally but for me its a chore. I'm hoping when i have a career things will get easier because working with people makes it easier to be friends with them.
>>719863595 dont get me wrong, its amazing to live here. but if you are broke like my family is currently it is literally rated the worst place to live in the united states. i love this city, its just i need people to have fun with. its like going to an outdoor car cinema alone, no one does that.
>>719863735 my age and going to a commuter school thats 1.5 hours away makes it really hard to do.
>>719859919 Kinda on the same boat, lost contact with most of my friends and just sit inside all day. I'd say find a hobby and meet people with the same taste as you. And honestly don't come to this shit hole, I've been trying to avoid being here but a man needs his porn.
>>719863747 hey better than me. ive dropped the gym cause no one to go with since im an unmotivated idiot
>>719863774 im always eager to learn as much as i can. i was always interested in investing and making money, especially tarting a business. a bit off topic, but did your pursuit of learning to invest actually payed off? i wanted to get into the same kind of thing while age is still an advantage. Id love to do many hobbies. model building, computer building, 3d modeling, wood working, learn to play a guitar. and i do some, its just i dont have much cash to use. i need a job and its tough to find one to fit around college schedules. thank you for your advice though, i appreciate it immensely.
>>719859919 dude, at least you HAVE a girlfriend. i have long-distance friends, no real life friends. no real life relationships. i have no one to go out with either. i spend all my days on 4chan >hurdur stereotypical neckbeard brony fgt
Hey man so I'm a similar situation. I was one of few of my close friends in HS to actually leave town and not come back. I've had a gf the whole time so making new friends is nearly impossible. And to make it all worse I'm 1 year out of college, so the only friends I made here left. It's a lonely world, want a 23y/o advice? Don't date til ur out of college, just fuck a bunch
>>719863825 dead on. the one friend who i made in college is exactly like my 4 bros, which is most likely the reason i like him so much. i do tend to think a LOT and many times i do over complicate stuff. while i do see how i can come off as an asshole to jack for talking shit about steve, that wasnt spontaneous. i was silent about my feelings towards steve until jack himself said he was an asshole, and i simply agreed. its just somewhere along the line, jack decided otherwise i guess.
but great to know im not alone in my state of madness. thanks man
>>719863981 i guess so. just like >>719863825 said, i only like very specific people and dont like acquaintances, especially not for a hookup.
>>719864396 while having a girlfriend is great, think about talking to the same person on a daily basis does get annoying/tiring after a while, especially when they are the ONLY person you can talk to, so you have no choices.
>>719864784 i do kind of wish i knew that before i got into a relationship. despite that, i do have it pretty good with her. i can argue that since ive been with my gf since high school, there wont be any trust issues or any of that bullshit you have to deal with when you date later on in your 20s/30s
Why do you think your parents kept forcing you into doing family stuff? It's because adults don't have friends. Get used to it or risk living a sorry life as one of those middle aged guys who still go to college parties.
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