so /b/ whats it like having a girlfriend? tell me, as i dont

>>719324404
>is french kissing as difficult as i think it is?
No.
>do those 3 phases of dating exist irl? (1st date ?? 2nd make out 3rd fuck?)
depends how well it goes

despite being able to fuck all the time, the one thing you'll miss is jacking off.

>literally me right now while she sleeps right there <, got a boner but can't fuck, can't jerk off, miserable, forced edging.

>>719324404
Initially, best thing ever....
After 20 years the novelty wears off tho.

soooo? sex isnt better than masturbation?

french kissing does one just like slap their tongues together?

what does one do with a gf?

how is a relationship determined?? does one ask if they want to be their bf/gf??

that stuff is confusing to me...

>>719325306
so you are married?

>>719325378
Sex is different.
Its fun to have, it's enjoyable.
But you get used to it.

>french kissing does one just like slap their tongues together?

Think of it like you massaging her tongue with your own.

>what does one do with a gf?
Fuck, talk, do stuff, cook, sleep
Same shit you do by yourself, but with someone else, certainly more fun than being alone.
But you'll appreciate being alone when they move in with you...

>how is a relationship determined?? does one ask if they want to be their bf/gf??

Well not as autistically as this, it's subtly.

your either ease into it until it's implied, or you go on defined dates and then clearly establish if you'd like to continue seeing each other.

then its maybe a few weeks of dating, before it comes evident you're happy together and you make it 'official'.


if you're scared of them, don't be, treat them like you treat everyone else, people act like girls are impossible puzzles, they're not.

>>719324404
It's great at first when you have those initial hormones running through you.

After a while it gets old though. You no longer get to do whatever you want, whenever you want. You have to make decisions with someone else. Your freedom takes a big hit.

The same with sex. Once you start getting it regularly, it loses a lot of importance.

>>719325891
>treat them like everyone else

anon, thats why i work as tier3 admin
weaponized autism
i think i couldnt even keep a girl entertained.
sooo its just nice thinking, dreaming and talking about it but.... not practicable (for me)
heck even my boss told me to
>get a gf anon u need one like yesterday
>>719325891

the last time i think ( still dont know to this day) a girl liked me was when i was 14

>>719326730
If you're fat, fix it.

Even still, plenty of girls aren't bothered.

Neckbeard? get rid.

Don't shoot for girls in the 10, 9, 8 7 category.
aim for a 6.5 maybe a nice 7.

At some point you just have to face rejection and take it as pride for actually trying.

a surge of chemicals that gets you excited and then it comes crashing down from the constant shit tests

>>719325378
If you get the right woman, the sex never gets old.

ITT: kissless virgins explain what it's like to have a girlfriend

>>719328923
And by right woman you mean a woman who doesn't age, doesn't get fat and will go along with anything in the bedroom?

>>719327375
the last time i tried was 5-6 years ago i think...
i was at 110kg and 15-18 percent bodyfat
was completely shaved and all that stuff even went to one of those stylist things.
had a friend of mine (bathes in puss) with me who was determined to get me atleast a kiss (from a girl on the lower side of the scale 4-5/10)
we did this for 3 weeks every day until we both agreed its never gonna happen.
in the time between now and then i completely gave up
also i once bought various cars (porsche 911 , audi rs6 ) and thought maybe those would help me somehow but nope...
well, now I am driving a old toyota and realize nothing can fix social retardation

actually I couldnt even muster up the courage (with the buddy behind me) to say anything to the girls

anon, if you are still reading thanks.... i guess

>>719328741
shit tests?

It's a wonderful thing if you find someone who's right for you OP. I was lucky enough to do so and I wish you luck https://youtu.be/XLm8V1s4xcM

>>719329303
You need some drinks in you then.

Go to a bar and drink until you're confident and don't care.

and just talk.

literally talk, that's it.

Give it a go.

>>719329421
atleast you got me some memes

>>719324404
>so /b/ whats it like having a girlfriend?

I am not so certain I have never "officially" had a "girlfriend" just girls I have dated. Once I say they are my "girlfriend" they break up so eh dated a girl for about 6 months.

>tell me, as i dont know

>do those 3 phases of dating exist irl? (1st date ?? 2nd make out 3rd fuck?)

This is different and it goes the same for guys too I guess?

Right now dating a girl for about 2 months. I had sex the first night but we are still talking and having sex. Some girls have sex on 2nd date, others wait till about a month of dating.

>is french kissing as difficult as i think it is?
Its my favorite, if I want to get hard I go for the French kiss. Just like think of it as if you're trying to find their tong with yours and its "blind"

Get prepared for big rushes of adrenalin that will make everything *intense*.
There is no rule about dating. Except : don't ask the Internet about rules, when in doubt about something, just ask her or listen.
How to be a good french-kisser ? "Listen " (her rythm, how she reacts to what you do, how you react to what she does...). As a rule of thumb, people tend to do other what they want to recieve.
About the dating steps... just ask and see what happens. If you both feel like it, you can make out at first date. If you or her don't feel like it you can wait for as long as needed. If you don't know how she feels, ask or listen.

>>719324608
you can always fuck, but i do agree about the jacking off part. Whenever i start jacking off or looking at porn she just jumps on me and says "no looking at porn, you have me"

>>719329099
Like I said, find the right woman whom fits your personal balance correctly and you'll fucker the same when you're both 80 as you did when you were 20.

>>719330281

Exactly.

And if they're sleeping or in the room, but don't want to fuck, what the fuck do you do?

jacking off is the simple solution.

but it's either
A. awkward as fuck
B. Cause for bitching

and god forbid you like to jerk off to a different race (or gender LEL), then you deal with the constant remarks about it and how you obviously prefer a race (gender lel) that isn't them.

it's probably the worst most unavoidable part.

>>719324404
terrible. truly truly the worst goddamn thing you can ever do. It"?'s exciting in your teens and twenties but the SHIT they put you through eventually gets old. 9 out of 10 women are just truly horrendous, selfish human beings. I have a girlfriend now sitting right next to me. Been with her for five years. Every day with her feels like a fucking chore. She's currently pissed at me because I just recently lost my job. It doesn't matter that I've got over 10k in savings that I can use to live comfortably for several months if i need to. She still lives with her parents and pays no bills so I dont know why she gives a shit what i do with my money. She's just selfish. She suddenly found out I have all this money and knows that I won't be spending it on her.

>>719330927
sounds like you got a shit deal

you haven't dumped it, why?

>>719331067
short answer: she'd most definitely hurt herself somehow and I don't know that i'm very well equipped to deal with it.

>>719330013
hmmm,
lets recap one of those nights
4 beers
14 shots
3/4 a bottle of vodka
can of coffee
18:00 - 05:00 in the morning
a few weeks after the party the colleague told me of the night... apparently i punched a guy ko and called him degenerate for trying to sell me molly
afterwards happily went into the club again to eat 3 portions of kebab and then we went outside and planned to go home but he saw a cab full of girls and joined them leaving me standing in the rainy weather. eventually one of the girls thought i was cute (?) and took me with her now the colleague and i were reunited again
we sat at a table ( 3 guys 6-7 girls)
apparently all i did was sip coffee and smoke 2 packs of cigarettes despite them trying to get me to open up (smth. like that) i sat there crouched on my chair and sipped coffee...

well.... some people arent meant to continue the lineage,eh?

>>719329303
Why don't you buy a hooker?

Seriously. You pay a few hundred dollars and get laid whenever you want.

I think the most important thing is that if you give up on yourself, nobody else is going to care either. You need to change your life, get fit, healthy, and start working to get confidence and change.

Who's going to love someone who doesn't love themselves?

>>719331260
So, tell her family to check in on her 'cause you plan to do what you need to do and you're worried about her safety when you do it.

That way if she does do it, you know her family will be watching her and she can't say you did it, first of all, secondly they're there to comfort her.

win/win.

don't be a prisoner anon, if she threatens to hurt herself that's no less than abuse.

>>719331337
Sounds like a night you failed to capitalize on, do it again but be consciously aware of your surroundings.

>>719324404
OP cant inb4 you fucking cancer

>>719330894
So just keep blasting on her while she's asleep or even if she's awake until she relents and leaves you to jerk in peace.

>>719331534
ahh sorry didnt mention.
i regularly get myself some hookers but i think that it must feel different with a girl who actually does because she "likes " you instead of doing her work?

>>719324404
It depends.
Do you like having no spare time and no money?
If so, it's great.

>>719331884
>pay for hooker
>ask for GFE
done, enjoy the experience.

fuck even ask her how you should talk to a girl, you've basically hired a girl for the night so get your moneys worth out of it, in advice and sex.

>>719324404
>so /b/ whats it like having a girlfriend?
it's great. if you can keep the fire burning and you're on a similar level intellectually.

>do those 3 phases of dating exist irl? (1st date ?? 2nd make out 3rd fuck?)
i usually made out with most of the girls on the first date. second date more making out and some touching. third date mostly sex.
but there is no plan to it. if you feel close enough, you will know.

>is french kissing as difficult as i think it is?
no, just make your lips soft and chew some gum if you're not sure how your breath smells. and don't use too much tongue.

>>719331846
if only.
can't wake them up and send them out of the room or you'll get the silent bitch treatment and constant whining about it for days after.
knowing they'll bring it up in a few months too.

she'll also suddenly decide she wants to start masturbating and wants you to leave when she does it.
When you say no, she'll bring up the whole "well you made me leave, how is that fair" and you have to explain how it's different.

Nightmare.

I had a girlfriend once for about two weeks in high school. It was the most amazing feeling, thinking about her, loving her, holding her hand. I still remember in perfect clarity how my first kiss went. Now I am 19 and have stopped caring because of the downsides people talk about. Even though deep down I really miss having a girl (Really just another person) pretend to love and care about me.

>>719332329
You will never have a girl like the first girl.
promise you that.

they're all amazing initially, but they'll never beat those first touches, first feelings.

First love lost, that's a different story.
that's suicide-tier feels knowing you lost that, carry that with you forever.

>>719331884
Honestly, having a girlfriend is overrated. It's one of those things you miss when you don't have it, but don't want when you do.

Having a girlfriend is actually a lot of work. That love and attention comes at a pretty heavy price.

Regardless, if you're actually serious start taking steps to change your life for the better.

>>719332329
edgelord

>>719324404
>>719324404

It's a balancing act.

>You can never, ever let her have the upper hand.
>Always be 50% when it comes to finances.
>Make sure you make her cum EVERY time you have sex.
>Don't ever think that her ONLY have friends that are dudes or the majority of her friends are dudes as being "normal", it's not.
>Be there for her, but don't fucking grovel to her every need
>Be a dickhead once and a while
>Act indifferent certain times, and loving other times
>Call her out on bullshit
>Don't let her walk all over you on ANYTHING

If she has a problem with any of the above, drop her, trust me. It'll end bad.

And that's basically the guide to a successful relationship. Then you'll have a girl who fucks you basically whenever, cares for you, cooks for you and is your best friend.

>>719332562
those steps are?

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>>719324404
>falling for the vaginal jew

>>719332660
Yes, you caught me, I just typed that little bit of my story for a bunch of faggots on the internet to be an "edgelord" Go back to listening to Linkin park you giant fucking faggot.

>>719332843
You said you were overweight and lacked confidence right?

So start making changes to your life. Go to the gym, get healthy and get fit. You don't have to be a jock, but feel good about yourself. It'll give you confidence too. Then just put yourself out there and talk to people. Even if you're an autistic fuck, practice makes perfect. You'll learn and improve.

Like I said, once you like yourself, other people will pick up on that and like you to.

>>719332994
>am i on /pol/ again?


/b/ is so liberal compared to /pol/

>>719333089
nope thats r9k for you

>>719333060
To lose weight, eat less.

Go to the gym too, but it won't take weight off by itself. In fact, it will make you hungrier... weight is 95% the food you eat

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>>719333089
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

>>719333060
soooo you havent got a step by step manual or smth?

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>>719333260
Depends on your perspective/political leanings

go to a trans thread, tell them there's only 2 genders and watch the freak out.

as a /pol/ack I cringe at the pathetic pussification of gays/trans people, they can't take simple shit talk/banter, let alone the concept someone doesn't like them as people, which as normal people we deal with every day.

>yfw the fact I said normal people is enough to trigger 1000 reddit/tumblr posts and a full blown court martial in Tranny-sylvania

>>719333343
Step one, identify what you don't like about yourself and make a plan to fix it. If you lack social confidence have your friend put you in uncomfortable situations. Eventually, you'll pick it up.

It's going to be hard and a lot of work. But if having a girlfriend is really that important to you, you'll do it.

>>719333247
i know, as i said i once was quite good in shape 110kg and 15-18 bodyfat

>>719333604
So what's the problem then, what do you think it is?

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>>719333544
I got more triggered by your pic

>>719333549
lets see if i can get one of my buds to agree, thanks

i actually think they are going to say no but lets try.

can you give me a task?

>>719333656
not being able to talk to girls, physically freezing.

>>719333935
talk to a girl for 5 minutes.
if the conversation is actually going somewhere, keep going.

the goal?

Obtain 1 phone number

funtip:
when she gives you then number jokingly say
"now give me the real one"

>>719324404
Gonna sound corney but all the songs make sense.

>>719334132
soo what do i talk about?

>>719333935
>>719334126

Okay, so that's easy. When something is uncomfortable to you, it's because you're not used to doing it, no confidence. So you just need to start talking to girls and putting yourself out there. I dunno, find some avenue to do this, maybe a bar. Have a few drinks (don't get drunk or sloppy though) and just go talk to them.

Also, identify the reason why you freeze up. Girls are people who want to get fucked just like you. Nothing special about them. You could probably start a conversation with a dude, right?

You'll fail. Look stupid. Act awkward. But whatever, learn from it. Eventually, it'll come naturally to you because you keep doing it.

>>719334242
pls no

How do you actually commence different things in a relationship? Im too autist to kiss my girlfriend and we've been dating for teo months now. I've never kissed a girl and i feel like I'd fuckin eat her lips with mine or some shit

>>719334337
That's on you.

fuck it, explain you're just trying to learn how to be socially relaxed, joke and ask if you're doing alright, don't be spastic and apologize, be sure to quickly move off that so it doesn't feel like you passed the conversation potato to her and expect her to coach you.

just have fun.

get her talking about herself, but dont ram questions down her throat.

>>719334337
It's just small talk. How would you talk to a dude you just met?

Just ask questions. Bitches love to talk about themselves. Act interested. Follow-up. Oh, you're in school? What do you do? Oh, that's cool, how do you like that? Blah blah.

>>719334520
Jesus anon, a few months? literally just grab her waist when she's putting clothes in the drawer or something, turn her, both hands on her hips and kiss her with a slow peck.

start there, work ur way up.

But a few months? get onto it anon.

>>719334520
I don't even understand how you're dating if you've never done anything.

She clearly wants you to if she goes around calling you her boyfriend.

>>719334572
thats going to be hard... already shaking now....


it better be worth it...

>>719334676
I don't know man I'm just too scared and feel too fuckin afraid to do anything. I mean her past relationships were just her being used and I don't wanna do that to her. I mean, I grabbed her ass today as a joke and I told her sorry, I just don't wanna come off as another one of those guys ya know

>>719334599
how i would talk to a dude i just met....

i probably wouldnt

>>719334875
of course it's worth it.

worst that happens?
you get rejected by a girl you'll never see again, who you'll forget in a week.

If you bail after the first one, you only fucked yourself.

>>719335079
the fuck?

are you dating a 13 yearold?

I don't know your age group so it's hard to give any advice.

grabbing her ass shouldn't be a big deal at all.

>>719335119
and what do i do with the phone number?

maybe i should work 16 hours instead of 8 .... probably would keep me so exhausted i wouldnt even think about girls anymore,??

>>719335275
17

>>719331337
>apparently i punched a guy and called him degenerate for trying to sell me molly

Fucking kek I love this

>>719335428
mods pls

>>719325891
>Well not as autistically as this, it's subtly

I definitely did this as a joke with my last girlfriend and sent her a text when she was four feet away from me in a bowling alley saying "wil u b my gf" and even though she said yes, I think she was pretty pissed off.

>>719335428
MODS.

>>719335503
well atleast something i did right for once

>>719335428
MODS PLEASE TAKE HIS GF AWAY

>>719335424
wait till the next day, call the number or text it if you're too scared and if it's not fake, reminder her who you are and if she's interested in a more casual meet up over coffee etc.

>>719335428
Well Idk anon, that's a spergy age where neither of you are sure of yourselves.

she definitely doesn't know what the fuck she wants and all you want is to fuck.

start with a hug I guess and give her a cheek kiss, see how she reacts, if you get a smile or a tighter squeeze from her go for the lip peck. guage reaction, work from there.

guarantee if you pull it off, you'll be fucking like rabbits in the next 30 minutes.

as a man you'll learn it's the most fun game in the world, luring them into the mood to fuck, you learn their emotional triggers and how to activate them in different ways.

>>719324404
1st gf
1st date: make out
2nd : fuck
3rd: she says she wants to marry me

2nd gf
1st date: fuck
2nd: fuck
3rd: she says she wants to marry me
4th: she tries to get me impregnate her

>>719334875
Dude, just go work retail for a couple of months and get better at small talk. It gives you a reason to talk to people and you get drastically better at turning something small into a conversation.

>Can I help you find anything?
>No it's okay
>Okay, just let me know, I like your tennis shoes and my sisters birthday is around the corner, where did you get them?
>Oh thanks, I got them at the mall! There is this store there that I love called...

Boom. Now she won't shut up.

>>719334520
This please help

>>719336117
and giving up my senior job????

>>719336344
Go work fucking seasonal at Best Buy, I don't care. You don't need to give up your job, how are you in a senior position if you're this retarded?

>>719335853
I guess I can try that, I'd ve lying if I said that wasn't my focus but it's definitely not my main priority. Thanks though anon I appreciate it

>>719324404
It sucks. dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Imagine your life now, minus the ability to do whatever you want.

>>719336463
by being better at google

>>719335428
kek mods

>>719336478
Actually follow through with it.

don't say you will and then don't 'cause you chickened out.

you're not going to blow the relationship because you tried to be more loving.

More likely to blow it by doing what you're doing, i.e not doing.

>>719324404
you could be dating a victoria secret model...on a long enough timeline, you will be avoiding her to go masturbate to something else. Enjoy ballin bruh

I just recently got into a relationship, well we just recently made it "official" I mean it starts off dating, you go on dates, if she doesn't think you're cancer and likes you then you go on more. Then the kissing, holding hands, all that shit starts. You hang more, once you both decide you like each other enough then you make it bf/gf. Then from there on out it's more hanging out, sex, and enjoying each others company. Easy as pie OP.

>>719334369
To add to this, don't ramble on about stupid shit, unless maybe all you initially concerned with is the act of physically speaking to another person of the opposite sex. I have this one friend, he'll go on about his fantasy team, or anime or video games, even science kind of stuff like outer space. He's only pulling in niche pussy, which isn't very often.

>>719335428
MODERATORS MODERATORS

PLEASE ESCORT THIS UNDERAGE B& OUT OF THE THREAD

>>719336739
Time to muster all my wits then

>>719336117

this is terrible advice.

also the guy earlier that said french kissing is like two tongues massaging each other was giving horrible advice.

>>719334572
this is good advice but way too player-y for me too.

best way is simply to get yourself into lots and lots of situations meeting new people and getting better at it. traveling is great for that. go to asia, meet some girls in bangkok, fuck it up? move on to chiang mai, fuck it up? move on to koh pha nga. list goes on until you get it right.

>>719336230

this is silly if shes in bed with you just kiss her

>>719324404
Its a roller coaster of depressing ups and downs. The sex on demand is good but not worth the arguments. When its over you can be depressed for up to a year.

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>>719324404

1) phases only exist based on the construct of the relationship. E.g. if you're a pussy you take weeks to get to "3rd base" if you are attractive and rich she sucks your dick day one.

2). French kissing is only a problem if you happen to be Japanese or South East Asian. For some reason they just kiss like fucking retards, men and women.

Protip: relationships (read: any relationship) is formed on mutual understanding. If you believe that the other person doesn't want sex, it will probably never come because they will sense your inability to make a move and will in turn not make a move themself.

If you want to speed up the process let yourself be caught with obvious body language. The occasional look at erotic zones etc. Just don't over do it.

Figure out ASAP if the relationship has potential to move to partnership/sexuality and if not cut your losses ASAP and find someone else.

Signed: anon that gets loads of hot bitches.

>>719324404
oh and the three phases kind of exist but I fucked my "ex" on the first date and I'm dating a muslim girl who wont even kiss me and doesnt believe in dancing.

>>719330281
Ask her to watch with you. It might strengthen your sexual chemistry and get you both to open up more about your kinks.

>>719324404
Unnecessary stress with sex that's awesome in the beginning, becomes less exciting, and then disappears altogether.
Relationships are wholly overrated.

well for me first date gets meblaid because when I show her my cock gushing cum like a fountain, they always want to have that shit sprayed on them. it goes from dinner, and conversation to fucking and shame all in one night. I gooped a girl so much she said she felt like she was in a porn. Any cum shooting bros here who have tips on making the shot better?

thanks guys, im going to bed now didnt expect to get so much replies

>>719329303
Start socializing with girls as friends, get confident in talking to them in any manner and then start moving on to the step where you show interest, and flirt with them. It's not that hard, you just lack experience and it makes you freeze.

>>719324404
Unless you're super lucky, prepare to see your hard-earned cash get whittled away. For all their talk about feminism, equality, and women in the work place, they'll still say they need your money. It gets worse as time goes on, not better.

you guys are all fucked. Totally missing the point.

Women want one thing and one thing only. Attention. So ask some inane questions, get inane answers, but keep them fucking talking. People, women especially, just love talking about themselves. You want to be attractive? Give attention and nod occasionally when they go on and on about their mundane lives.

Literally that easy.

>>719339757
Don't listen to this guy. He doesn't know what he's talking about, and that's likely due to the fact that he's in high school or early college years. Women eventually grow tired of getting attention; they the idea of receiving it *one day*. Be a fuckboi who doesn't give a shit about the girl, and it'll work.

A pain in the ass, here's a rule to live by. Pick them like you'd pick your wife because someday she will be.

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>>719324404
In a nutshell, having a girlfriend is like babysitting an autistic child that throws an aspie tantrum when you don't let it get its way... and it won't fuck you unless you buy it diamonds and chocolate.

... being married, on the other hand... is like marrying that same autistic child and then spending the next 20 years trying to find a reason not to blow your fucking brains out.

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>>719338542

>>719340132
Hey.. that's actualy great advice. I mean also transending the desperate people with this small advice.
Guys, this is the one to look out for.
My advice:
You can always leave, just think of what she does for you.

>>719324404
Find a girl that loves you.
I am at a dilemma, a girl loves me, would pretty much do anything for me, but i feel the need to have more, get different girls, or more stimulation for my brain.
I just can't go with the trott yet.