any of you guys actually happy with your lives? what is it that's

>>718939489
>what makes other people happy.
Other people's misery.

i think it would ruin my family financily
+ i think my mother trigger it to become a full time alcoholic

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America
Where no one is happy
and
everyone wants to live forever

-Dave Davidson

not really

>>718939709
OP here, the only thing currently stopping me is that I'm pretty sure it would kill my grandmother. Once she's gone though I'll have no reason to stay.

>>718939796
what's keeping you here then anon

>>718940067
What is making your life so shitty that you want to off yourself?

for the most part, yeah. just went through a shitty break up with my gf of almost 3 years, but I'm going to hit the gym and focus on school now that I have time. also going out with another girl this week, so that's good.

>>718940210
nothing in particular, my life as a whole is not that bad, I just feel so empty and sad all the time and have felt this way for as long as I can remember. I'm just kind of over it I guess.

>>718939489
Dood I have a car that does 0-60 in 4 seconds, that in itself is enough to keep a smile permanently glued to my face

>>718939489
Are you a NEET?

>>718940499
>I just feel so empty and sad
Ever wondered about what would make you fulfilled and happy?

>>718940656
currently in my third year of my undergrad but to be honest I don't see myself completing it

>>718940690
I do, unfortunately I'm yet to come up with something

>>718940830
How old are you? bump by the way

>>718941629
thanks for the bump anon, I'm 21

>>718941814
Have you considered going to a doctor? Do you feel like that just in the colder months or during summer too?

Living for oneself is not life

>>718942325
I briefly saw a psychologist once, and I guess since it was winter she thought I had S.A.D, which is what I imagine you're getting at too. My depression is worse in winter but I'm also pretty much the same during summer, albeit not quite as bad. I personally put that down to being able to spend the day in the woods, which I can't do so much in the dark, cold and wet of winter. I feel at peace in the forest.

As for seeking help I wasn't convinced that a lightbox was all I needed to not want to kill myself every day, and I'm not really comfortable talking about my feelings to someone either. In person, at least.

>>718942397
So I should have a kid, get a pet or do some charity work?

The fact that I can't kill myself without going through a fuck huge process.

Apparently you think you have the right to end your life but you don't.

I guess it'd be like that Star Trek TNG episode where a Q wants to die

>>718942846
s.a.d. as in social anxiety disorder?

>>718939489
>what is it that's stopping you from killing yourself?
Good question

>>718943149
Seasonal Affective Disorder, basically states your mood and general ability to function is dramatically worse in the winter months

>>718942846
I thought about killing myself too, actually for most of my life, until two years ago, when I saw a doctor, got an SSRI and then got better. I only had social anxiety though.

I'm 24 now, by the way. Seriously, seek a doctor. Not going sooner is one of the things I regret a lot, but it worked out, and I'm mostly happy now. At least a lot happier.

>>718943065
what's the process?

>>718943277
I'm glad you got help anon, guess I'm just put off by some bad experiences with doctors. I find generally they either have no fucking idea about what's going on or simply don't care. Mostly the latter. Especially when you're young, doctors don't want to know you. "It's probably nothing and even if it is it's probably nothing serious." Maybe I've just had bad luck with doctors but it's enough to put me off.

>>718939489

You need to change the chemical balance in your brain, boy. Either keep a constant drunk going for a happy life or stop being a bitch and seek help.

>>718943915
Dude, suicide is probably as serious as it can get. Perhaps I was lucky with my doctor, but just tell them how you feel and that it's persistent and you can't get rid of it.

>>718939489
Meh.
Could be happier but at least I'm not a nigger

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>>718939489
>what's stopping you from killing yourself?

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>>718944017
smoke weed erry day, at least until your tolerance gets too high and now there's no coping mechanism

>>718944174
I might reconsider seeking medical help then, thanks anon

Yeah i'll be that guy. Go see your doctor, get help. I was in your position but with the right meds and therapy I was able to fix my life. I weened myself off meds and continue to practice some mental exercises from time to time when i'm feeling down. If you want change then you can't be afraid of asking for help.

>>718942397
always hated this idea

>>718944432

I had friends who get paranoid when they smoke so their anxiety is at it's highest when they're stoned. It works well to chill out if that's what it does for you. I know that struggle of being a social retard who is always anxious regardless of the situation. My brain would have my body on alert over the smallest shit and I would get adrenaline jolts during casual conversation or greetings and shit. The way I coped with it was to change my thought pattern and instead of anxious now I feel excited about normal shit. Which is retarded if you take a second to think about, but it beats the fuck out of being anxious all day long.

>>718939489
>Dood I have a car that does 0-60 in 4 seconds, that in itself is enough to keep a smile permanently glued to my face

I'm quite near to buying a motorcycle. That's the only thing that has kept me going, as stupid as it sounds. Maybe it's just those details that count, or grabbing something so strog that gives you a sense of objective. Idk though

>>718944432
Ignore this person. Weed is amazing and fun and cures just about everything but it won't cure depression, it'll stop it temporarily but then what happens when it comes back. Speaking from personal experience, seek real help.

>>718944487
>If you want change then you can't be afraid of asking for help.
maybe that's part of my issue then, that the only help I feel comfortable asking for is on an anonymous board

I don't even know why I'm sad all the time tbh. I have an easy job that pays decent. I have a girlfriend who is really serious about our relationship and would never cheat on me. 7/10 btw. I have a best friend who is also my roommate, so we get along great and play games, smoke weed, drink do dumb shit etc. But I still have a overwhelming feeling of sadness...

>>718939489
the good life is about trusting in God.

it's the highest joy I've ever experienced, I can't imagine anything better. And people who do so can experience any hardship and still be joyful

I took up bio interfacing as a hobby, essentially its what you need to make a cyborg, dont have the funds to ever complete one or make myself into one, but im never really bored as a result, have an underground laboratory and everything. if i won the lottery a couple of times id be pretty much at james bond villain levels.

>>718944706
I know what you mean about random bursts of adrenaline fucking up your shit, I literally shake like parkinsons tremors whenever I'm anxious, which is often, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Makes me look like a total sperg, which in turn makes me more anxious. Vicious cycle.

>>718939489
I'm pretty happy, yeah.

>>718944785
this>>718944936

>>718945224
do share your secret

>>718944487
>says someone who broswes /b/

>>718944706
I'm quite in a similar situation now. How did you changed your thought pattern? My problem is that I start over-thinking the shit out of the situation, and it makes me fall on a vicious cycle. Hoy did you managed to break it?

>>718939489
ive been suffering from chronic depression since i was 9, im 19 now im sure i also have social anxiety and ive never even kissed a girl.
i cant really remember whats its like to be happy about life in general, ive had instances of happiness but they pass quickly and i feel even emptier afterwards, the only thing stopping me is that i value my psyche too much, im technically a genius but the depression is stopping me from doing anything with it.
ive also had some positive experiences from micro dosing magic mushrooms, and full force shroom trips are the strongest anti depressant in the world if you do it correctly, im planning on taking 4 grams soon to see if it will help me.

sorry for the wall of text, hope youll get better op, get professional help, they can actually help sometimes

>>718945394
this>>718944936

>>718939489
you so realize that those feelings are nothing more than chemical reactions trapped in the 8 pounds of fatty flesh encased in your skull, they are not real and you can control then at any time. read a book learn n.l.p and get your shit togeather.

>>718945669
The last, and so far only, time I tried shrooms it did successfully elevate my mood for a little while, but during the comedown I felt emptier than I had in years. So yeah I know exactly what you mean about happiness being fleeting then feeling even worse after having experienced it. Almost puts you off wanting to try to be happy again doesn't it?

>>718946242
you're telling me that all you need to overcome suicidal levels of depression is will power?

>>718946471
no. i am telling you that all you need to do is learn control of your mind. its your mind, you can tell it what to do at any time. also never try to fix things with will power alone, there are three different types of will. will power, wont power and can power. using only one of these is sure failure.

>>718946839
sounds like quite the book

>>718946471
>you're telling me that all you need to overcome suicidal levels of depression is will power?

Yes. And the reason people are depressed is because they don't understand that.

And shying away from that fact is causing more people to be depressed in a worse way.

>>718947017
its not a book. its is applied psychology based on the natural language patters of the human brain.

>>718946382
don't be afraid to try and be happy anon! Drugs are limited in what they can do for you. God is not

>>718939489
Go for a run tomorrow.

>>718939489
Good relationships and meaningful satisfying work. That's what makes people happy. Main thing that keeps me going is knowing I have a lot of good friends and family who care about me even thought I've been out of work for a couple months and am generally unsatisfied with where I'm at in life.

>>718947297
God's also not real, soooo

>>718947487
I have a loving family and a girlfriend who says she loves me, but I don't find any solace in them or their company or their words. Makes me worried I'm broken.

>>718944936
This. Recently I read the King Jame's Bible and started walking the righteous path. I've never been happier.

>>718945646

I started changing how I thought about events. For instance, if it were roll call and I felt that anxious shit creep up on me, I started thinking that I was excited to do roll call. I am not going to lie, anon, you're going to feel fucking autistic. I sure as shit did. With time, a month or two, I started noticing a difference. It was subtle shit as well. I would get the elevated heart rate but I would feel in control and relaxed. It was genuine excitement to experience new shit.

I know what you mean by overthinking as well. When I drunk, I am the most social person on the planet. I don't fall out with anyone. I just keep doing me and naturally people levitate towards me. When I am sober, I am the most autistic cunt on the planet. With shit jokes that are timed to have the most awkward fucking effect to conversation topics that are just plain fucking odd.

>>718945172

Tell me about it. The fight or flight shit kicking in when checking out at college book store is the most autistic I've felt in a long time.

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>>718946839
cuz you can't, you won't, and you don't stop.

>>718947561
you can mock, but I honestly can't imagine a greater joy than believing in and trusting God. I know it might be silly, but I feel like I've felt the height of human experience through my faith and I know people with stronger faith than myself have been able to push through sooo much hardship because of it.

>>718947808
God this sounds like me

>>718947710
It's the epitome of human experience on this earth to know that you're in the hands of a God you can trust. Beautiful to hear this. Thank you for sharing

>>718947808
>navy roll call

of course you would think roll call is exciting, faggot.

>>718948380
The Lord's hands are divine, indeed. Bless your heart and have a blessed day.

>>718947808
I'm the same with being social when drunk, it's the only time I'm both happy and comfortable around other people

>any of you guys actually happy with your lives?

sorta

>what is it that's stopping you from killing yourself?

my gf

>i'm sad

ok

>>718948542
Thank you, you too.

>>718948621
That's why the Lord gave us alcohol. You know what the cure is for your social awkwardness. Just drink when you're around people and you'll be ok. Why are you crying, exactly?

>>718946382
yeah the brief happiness really does make you want to stop trying, i always fall deepest after being happy

anon your first time was probably like 2.5 grams or something, right?.
try and aim for an ego death experience like im planning to, i saw a very trustworthy research that showed that a one time ego death shroom trip cured for a period of at least a year 70% of all severe treatment resistant depression
>>718947297
shrooms can make you realize what "god" really means

>>718948357

I am sorry. I know the struggle dog.. fuck it, right?

>>718948384

Ayy.

>>718948621

It's like all the petty shit that bothers me goes out the window. Usually I am a cunt that communicates through insults. When I am drunk I am the friendliest person ever, it's like all the autism is turned off and I am let to being normal for a while.

>>718949125
No, do not fuck your dog. Fucking navy, I swear.

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>>718949225

Fucking tell me what to do.. the nerve on some cunts.

>>718939489
My misery started when I first moved to Utah, I came from a very social life and america wasn't at all what I expected, lonely place and weird people, it got shittier and shittier. my used to numb it by keeping busy working up to 16 hours a day, and then blowing all that money on casinos, prostitutes and drugs. The "drugs" part took a little hold on me and now I've been doing heroin for 3years. I love the heroin, hate the lifestyle. Why isn't it just legal? and therefore clean, cheaper and more available? its bullshit i have to inject tar and pay overprice for it.... I wish I could go back to my country, im in legal limbo atm and cant leave but im not bad enough to get deported. so im just, here,jobless, broke, mucle-ing heroin just to kill time and make the pain of living a little bit more, bearable..... it sucks

>>718949090
Doing mushrooms had HUGE benefits to my spiritual life, yes.

I would say it didn't so much make me realize anything I didn't know, but it allowed me to really appreciate it in a profound way. Changed my life, honestly. I have no clue how it would affect others though, maybe not everyone would be lucky enough to have such a positive experience from it.

>>718939489
The challenge of life keeps me going. Plus being good at things and having friends helps but I haven't been completely happy yet but I know I can change that.

Also drugs. Lots of drugs.

>>718949325
I will keep you in my prayers

>>718949031
I'm not >crying because I'm socially awkward, I'm >crying because I'm morbidly depressed and seemingly incapable of happiness

If I killed myself my wife would be left with the bills. She works and makes about as much as I do but it'd be tough. If I could find some way to kill myself and ensure she'd get life insurance, maybe, but overall I'm pretty happy with life.

>>718949838
But you find happiness in alcohol, yes?

>>718949464
how deep down the rabbit hole did you go?
almost all people who tried a serious amount say the it benefited their "spirituality"(i dont really like this word).
and even if they dont open up to spirituality just take a look at the results of it as a depression treatment, its beneficial nonetheless, as long as you do it safely.

>>718949712
>>718949712
No you won't you trully wont, religious hypocrites like you are probably the reason I do heroin. piece of shit nigger GTFO my /b!!

Honestly, church. The community there is amazing and what keeps me going! I love my life and my family, that extends to church. :) <3

>>718939489
Didn't used to be. Two suicide attempts, pretty shit, hum-drum life with few ambitions and what seemed to me then, even fewer prospects.

Was homeless for 2 years, on the street with no real friends. Didn't find religion or anything, but a pastor helped me learn how to love myself and forgive myself for the shitty things I did in the past. Helped get me cleaned up and find a job. Been through 3 other jobs since, slowly working my way toward video production.

Once you've been homeless, there's very little to be bummed over. Unless you don't find a way out. Shit happens and there's no use worrying about it. Just take life as it comes at you. Like a Catholic priest spurting baby batter all over your back.

>>718939489
Meh it could be better lost my first girlfriend last week of one year which still sucks but at least I have my friends

>>718949992
The Lord will set you free, sinner.

I've got pretty much everything i want in life. I am at least content. Need some stability and it will be complete

>>718949125
we seem to go through the same transition from sober to drunk

>>718949992
you know nothing about me yet you assume I am a hypocrite and then wonder why you aren't happy. Start with a grateful attitude. I promise you it's a good start.

>>718949974
There was a spring/summer where I did mushrooms 5-10 times and I've done DMT about twenty times.

why do you not like the word spirituality btw?

>>718950209
never call someone "sinner".

we all are

>>718949325
where you from anon? why not try and move back?

>>718950026
thank you for spreading the joy of the Lord

>>718950436
That's the Devil talking through you.

>>718949912
no, I find the ability to socalise in alcohol, but I don't equate friends with happiness. not much of a people person.

>>718950142
Do you still keep in touch with this pastor?

>>718939489
Only thing thats stopped me from an heroing is the grief itd cause my mum

>>718950586
maybe you think The Bible was written by Satan then

>>718950621
Lost touch after I moved to Cali. By now, he's probably in his 80s and either retired, or gone. I keep meaning to look him up.

>>718950732
not the first person in this thread to say this... what you're saying is essentially that love is keeping you alive... you need to recognize how much beauty is in that, and therefor in you and pursue that with all your heart. More than any material thing pursue that love inside your heart that's keeping you alive!

>>718944785
This goddamit

>>718950923
or maybe he wants to die but also doesn't want to take his mum along with him

>>718950372
because it conforms to much to a stereotypical way of thinking of the soul as something sort of paranormal and the simplistic concept of heaven and hell instead of something like the general state of being in the universe beyond the material level (i cant really describe what i mean).
i also think this word scares off logical people and skeptics

>>718951142
i wrote "of" way too much

>>718950447
fucking wish it more than anything. Costa Rica, literally paradise, I know I'll love life there. I hate this place. Im in legal limbo, got a few arrest (heroin related) and being in jail but all charged got dropped later so Im not "bad" enough to be deportable. I cant just leave either, I need a passport for that, and the closest Costa Rican embassy is in Cali, and it takes 4 months to get one... Im literally traped. At the same time I feel that the fact I havent been deported after several felony arrests, and never even had been convicted, like at all, its some sort of message that I should get clean and that theres some sort of mission ive got in this fucking horrid place... but Idk, ive tried to get clean about half a dosen times by now, nothing works, had tried it all.

>>718939489
I'm a constant disappointment to my family. I'm the father. My wife doesn't like that im clinically depressed and grumpy. My kids don't like me. I'm only here to ensure financial stability for them

I'm a piece of shit.

>>718950868
>>718950621
Probably the most important thing he got through my head was, it's ok to fail. We're not perfect and we only grow by making mistakes and what really matters is how we approach failure. Some get into a rut, while others make themselves get up and dust off, either trying again or changing direction.

>>718951142
fair enough. but that's unavoidable regardless of what kinds of words you want to use.

and you can't work around skeptics I have seen the most skeptical people (including myself, once anti-"spiritual" and anti-religious) open their minds and hearts when they are ready. Not because someone argues the point really well. You seek God and you find.

That's something I have for years struggled to come to terms with as I have for too long prided myself as an "intellectual"

>>718951500
sounds like a wise man, good advice

>>718951281
I'd love to go to Costa Rica, pretty much entirely for the sloths. Looks like a wonderfully scenic place too. Only thing stopping me is the extortionate cost of flying there. Hope you one day make it back anon.

>>718939489
Success helps a lot. Love and sex, too. But then sometimes a curveball comes your way and you feel the unhappiness again.

>>718951907
define success

>>718951500
true that. there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. when you fail to do something unless it kills you all that has happened is you learned what does not work. change tactic and try again.if we were born believing in failure no one would ever learn to walk.

>>718942923
It would definitely be a place to start

>>718944936
I respect you and your beliefs, but I can't ever trust myself into a higher being, because I can never actually believe in it. Did you grow up in a religious family or make a trransition, if you made the transition, how?

>>718947710
Washed by the blood, huh?

>>718942923
Start with a pet. Dogs love unconditionally. Shelter rescues can be amazing and loyal dogs if you're patient. Yeah, there are frustrations (shutting on floors, over excited pissing, etc.) But once you get them aclimated, those frustrations subside, and separation anxiety becomes the big concern. Still, few things are as nice as returning home to something legitimately happy to see you. Once trained and acclimated to you, consider charity. Find something you can bring an animal to. It's rewarding to see them happy and playful with others. Look into the Kaboom project. Building and refurbishing rundown playgrounds. Soup kitchens as well.

>>718951698
Taught me a lot about forgiveness and not giving up.

>>718952172
I couldn't even imagine. Without failure or discomfort, we have very little reason to grow as individuals. Just kind of fade away.

>>718948357
I think that's what a lot of /b/ is (same here)
4chan just gravitates that shit man

>>718949325
Bare with it my man, you can do it, take a hug from across the internet. I'm on my own drugs right now enjoying life. You can do it my man, I believe it

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>>718939489
I'm not happy with my life, but then again I have done absolutely nothing to improve it. I've never worked on my appearance. I've never tried talking to women. I've never tried learning a skill.

Until I try and fail everything, I'll consider killing myself. But right now I'm a loser with no motivation so I there's only me to blame for being the way I am.

>>718953309
I wish I could get a dog more than anything, unfortunately my living situation doesn't allow for it

Change your perspective on life

>>718950748
>maybe you think The Bible was written by Satan then
The greatest trick he ever pulled?

>>718953667
I am in a very similar position, what are you doing to get through the days? how are you occupying your time?