>be me 31 year old fatass NEET >11pm >watching a Tyson

Moar I love these threads

You don't fuck around with tendies

>>718775802
This is fucking pathetic. You have no right to be such a burden on your mother. Grow the hell up.

Gbp thread?

>>718776447
When did /b/ become entirely rich successul businessmen?

File: received_684306011726577.jpg (13KB, 292x326px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 292x326px

>>718776447
Newfag thinks this is real?

File: mamaslittleman.jpg (24KB, 640x598px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 640x598px

>5 AM
>Browsing YLYL threads on /b/
>Laugh so hard I shit myself
>Whoops, special baby needs a new diapy
>"MAAAAAMAAAAAA"
>Hear frantic footsteps running down the hall
>Mama opens the door winded. She can't forget what happened last time.
>"Baby boy made a messy messy"
>Lay down on the bed with feet up in the air
>She's changing my diapy
>Wait. What's that feeling?
>Instead wet wipes she's using fucking TOILET PAPER
>Kick her in the face
>"YOU FUCKING BITCH! WHAT IS THIS SANDPAPER SHIT? IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR SPECIAL BABY? DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?!"
>By this point she's shrunken in fear
>"I-I'm sorry anon b-but I forgot to get the w-wet wipes when I was out getting your t-tendies"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Go on a full blown rampage
>Roll down the hall spewing rancid diarrhea
>Knock over Grammas ashes
>Knock over the wine rack
>Roll onto Mama and crack her femur
>"TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES AND WIPEY WIPES NOW!"
>Limps to the car
>Rushes out to go to the store
>Go back to browsing the 'Chon
>15 minutes later she's back with the wet wipes and 4 boxes of tendies
>The nearest store is 25 minutes away
>"A-anon I have the wipeys you wanted"
>"TENDIES NOW REEEEE!"
>Makes me three whole trays of tendies
>Gives me wipey wipes and makes me a special bubble bath
She hasn't looked at me in the eyes since. That's what she gets for neglect

>>718776894
Moar

File: 1476804078689.jpg (26KB, 618x412px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 618x412px

>be me
>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches
>my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job
>I tell her to fuck off
>she sighs
>"I-i-t's okay, Anon. It's not your fault you're special."
>Stupid bitch. Why does everyone need to tell me that?
>Ffwd 1 month later
>now she just wears really red lipstick, fishnets and short skirt and goes upstairs every night with a male friend to play 'games' with a locked door.
>lying bitch, how can we still be poor and she can still play around?
>sometimes I hear beating and her crying.
>note to self: buy noise-cancellation headphones with GBP.
>my tummy is hungry
>I go upstairs and knock on the door
>"MUMMY YOUR BEST BOY IS HUNGRY. I WANT TENDIES."
>no answer
>I put my ear against the door
>hear them exercising
>faggots must have put in earpiece and listening to music
>no one fucks with my tendies
>go to backyard
>climb up tree outside mummy's window
>am big-boned but tendies motivate me
>see their silhouette behind curtain
>he's helping her do sit ups
>I am Enzio Auditore
>swing like pendulum and crash through window
>I roll gracefully and crash into mummy's drawer
>don't know why they're not wearing clothes, it's not that hot
>her friend is spilling mayonnaise on her face
>her male friend goes wtf
>he storms out and says he'll never "spend money on a stupid whore again"
>mummy just sits there and cries
>I bang on my chest and scream "I WANT TENDIES"

Tfw when she left cooked tendies on the dining table before all that.

File: IMG_5120.jpg (61KB, 904x531px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 904x531px

>>718776894
>Roll down the hall spewing rancid diarrhea
>Knock over Grammas ashes
>Knock over the wine rack

File: hey brah.jpg (128KB, 409x409px) Image search: [Google]

128KB, 409x409px

>Be hanging out with my daki (Mikiru is best waifu)
>Mommy comes in and asks me if I want to go to Friendlies for a platter of tendies and some icy creamy
>Clap excitedly and rush to the car with Mikiru
>Sit in backseat with her, mommy gets to car and starts driving us to Friendlies
>Mikiru gets frisky and starts eyeing up my crotch
>Decide to give her a show
>Pull out my cock and start tugging it around
>Mikiru looks at it hungrily, cum on her face in a matter of seconds and scream
>Hear mommy sigh from front seat and mutter that she made a mistake
>Tell her it's okay,I love mommy and I can get her her OWN Daki
>She sighs, obviously with relief
>We get to friendlies, get out with mikiru and we order three plates of tendies and frenchies, thinking about what kind of Icy Creamy I'll get
>Mommy orders a glass water and some toast
>Asks for three slices instead of two
>Warn her not to go over board or new Chad Daddy might not like her flab flab
>Shes so grateful for my advice that her eyes start to water
>Me and Mikiru finish our tendies and mommy makes a comment about me not throwing stones
>She KNOWS I'm sensitive about my beautiful curves
>I control myself, but Mikiru is in love with me
>She lunges forward and attacks mommy for disrespecting her hubby
>Waitress comes over and grabs me
>Why grab me? Mikiru is the one hurting mommy!
>Realize... the waitress is in love with me too
>Lunge forward and start making out with her, Mikiru stops attacking mommy for some reason
>Waitress pushes me away, I knew I should have stuck with Mikiru
>Shit pants and start crying
>Go home with mommy, she's apologizing for ruining my night out
>Tell her that after TONIGHT, only a threeway with mikiru will make up for what she did
>Mommy starts sobbing tears of joy that she can do something to make me forgive her

>>718777380
fuck these stories are so disturbing

>>718777380
You carried the semen-covered hugpillow into the restaurant?

File: received_684307035059808.jpg (32KB, 600x528px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 600x528px

Pretty good

File: wheelchainneetpepe.png (31KB, 850x850px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 850x850px

> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> mfw its 03:00am
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> challenging me at this hour?
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> victory.ogg
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies
> puts hot plate of tendies in front of me and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.

File: IMG_5198.jpg (78KB, 500x393px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 500x393px

>>718777673
>mummy's ladylettuce
oh my jesus god

File: 1470329747386.jpg (48KB, 676x426px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 676x426px

>be me
>be 350lb normie slayer
>wake up at 7 in the evening
>tummy growls for tendies and mountain dew
>screech at the top of my lungs
>then proceed to yell
>"THE NORMIE SLAYER HAS AWAKENED NOW HE MUST FEAST ON TENDIES"
>hear mommy sobbing
>I didn't ask for crying I asked for tendies dumb normie bitch
>"THE NORMIE SLAYER SHALL NOT WAIT, FOR HE IS A GOOD BOY"
>still hear mommy crying like a little bitch
>Thats it
>grab my pee and poo jar
>lay on my skateboard (my big bones are too heavy for me to walk)
>surf down the stairs and get a big owie
>now i start crying
>"MOMMY THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU LAZY CUNT NOW YOUR BIG BOY IS HURT"
>sobbing gets louder
>bitch doesn't even come to give me kisses
>normie slayer is enraged
>stand up because of my anger strength
>knock down mommy's door
>bitch is screaming in fear
>YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD MOMMY, NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE, PREPARE FOR THE PEE POO DICE"
>take off my diaper throw it at her face
>spin around and shit and piss everywhere
>mommy is begging for mercy
>too late bitch
>throw pee and poo bottle on her
>headshot
>glass breaks on her
>she's knocked out cold
>pick up a glass shard and stab her nipples
>she's bleeding from her head
>go to the freezer and grab all the tendies and stuff them in my pockets
>run go back up stairs to my dojo
>watch mlp for 5 hours while eating frozen tendies
>finally decide to pick up the phone and call the popo b/c I'm a good boy
>hear sirens approaching
I hope they take away my abusive mommy and give me a new tendie vendor

File: reJoroC.jpg (14KB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 320x320px

>wake up at 3pm
>fill piss bottle
>waddle out to check GBP board
>finally reached 100 for not shitting in the car yesterday
>REEEEEEEEE in excited delight so loud and high the window cracks
>too out of breath to walk
>roll into kitchen where mummy is doing the budget
"MUMMY MUMMY NOW IS FUN DAY TIME FOR TENDIE SPECIAL SUNDAE"
>mummy slowly looks up, her eyes wide and quivering
"b-but I-I have to work today and that takes four hours to make..."
>heave myself upright, all 450 pounds
>face is bright red and sweating bullets from exertion and fury
"NOW I SPEND MY GBP, SO MAKE TENDIES TO PLEASE ME"
"I c-can't... we don't have any..."
>what the fuck did you just fucking say to me you little bitch
>begin quaking with apoplectic rage, jiggling like a triple decker jello mold
>throw mummy to the ground and start tearing off her only dress
"YOU FORGET TO BUY THE MEAT, SO NOW IT'S YOU WHO MUST EAT! I AM NO LONGER BENDY, SO NOW YOU SUCK MY TENDIE!"
>shove my cock in mummy's mouth
>haven't washed in months of course
"TOASTIE ROASTIE! DUMMY MUMMY!"
>mummy pulls away gagging and sobbing
>it's ok, five seconds was long enough
"SPRAYO MAYYYOOOOOOOO"
>blast all over mummy, grunting and moaning like a semi passing on the highway
>inexplicably have huge volume despite jacking it eight times a day
>make sure to get it everywhere
>point and laugh
"CUMMY TUMMY! CUMMY TUMMY!"
>laboriously turn around and shift backwards
"STUPID BITCH COLD LIKE ICE! NOW MIXED WITH CREAM THAT'S NICE! REMEMBER I'M THE BOSS! NOW ADD THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE!"
>spray diarrhea all over mummy for solid minute
"ROASTIES MAKE ME WARY, CUZ THEY LACK A CHERRY! NOW SUNDAE IS COMPLETE! ONE IN CHARGE IS THE NEET!"
>wheeze and collapse from exhaustion, falling on top of mummy and trapping her underneath layers of fat
>takes three hours until strong enough to roll back to couch
>piss myself five times
>grind trail of filth into carpet while rolling
>mummy gets hose and mop, starts cleaning me up
"w-who's my b-big boy..."

>>718777898
>pick up the phone and call the popo b/c I'm a good boy
This bit made me laugh

File: heeheethatllshowher.jpg (24KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 400x400px

>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world
>mummy comes in, hands up in submission
>"a-anon... It's time for your doctors appointment..."
>look her dead in the face
>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed."
>"now anon, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want."
>sold, but resolve to give her as hard a time as possible to punish her for not just GIVING me the triple tendies for being her perfect little baby boy
>get in the car
>"oh boy mommy, I really do need to go to the docy docs! I am feeling so... Sick!"
>shit my big boy pants
>she screams at me to get out of the car so she can clean it, say no, docy docs now!
>she reluctantly drives me over, go inside office and wipe my shit on the Windows
>she apologizes, pays for damages and we wait for the doctor
>mommys shoe starts to dangle off her heel
>start jerking off
>mommy sees me and desperately whispers at me to stop before someone notices
>moan as loud as I can
>she's in tears now
>look her in the eye
>"Touch my cock, whore." I say loud enough for the whole room to hear
>she sobs loudly and shakes her head no
>pinch her nipple and twist until she agrees and gives me cummies
>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
>spend whole checkup farting, pissing, and belching strategically to ruin the doctors day
>checkup finally ends, mom is still sobbing
>"triple Tendie time now mummy!"
>lets out a louder sob and rushes to the car, me in pursuit
>"wh-where do you want tendies from, anon?"
>tell her I want wendies tendies
>she takes me to wendies, and we discover, to her horror, that they only have nuggets now.
>REEEEE at her while shitting and pissing myself
>she rushes me home and leaves me there, saying she'll be back soon with as many tendies as I can eat
>comes home 20 minutes later with 7 orders of Popeyes tendies
>smile and thank her
>she sighs with relief and decides to take a nap after her ordeal
>Left a surprise in her bed

>>718778533

>smile and thank her

fucking weakling

File: b2e.jpg (80KB, 653x711px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 653x711px

wow im not sure if I just missed these before or if some sick bastard is just making them up as he goes along but i had to save most of them for fapping material later (!!)

I'm nowhere near as creative but this one always got me...

File: 23cd67a18a2685f603c22c68908d7088.jpg (34KB, 736x737px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 736x737px

>Be my birthday
>Mama got me the Littlest Pet Shop cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green paper in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever

File: received_531363367039628.jpg (23KB, 693x960px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 693x960px

>>718775802
>best 40th birthday ever

File: amerifatpepe.jpg (29KB, 600x487px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 600x487px

>be me
>mummy's chunky 550 pounder
>wake up at 5pm
>roll over in my play pen
>something is missing
>my waifu pillow is gone
>that bitch has kidnapped her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>no reply
>roll out of the pen but too fat to stand
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>roll down the stairs and see mummy in the kitchen
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WHORE?!
I-I don't know what you're talking about sweetie
MY WAIFU! WHERE IS SHE!
Your pillow... thing. I took it to the laundrette it was all gross and crusty
MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
>pull myself onto my legs for the first time in years
>can feel my knees buckling under the weight of my ample frame
>i strap on my naruto headband, grab my minecraft sword and waddle out the door on my chivalrous quest
>people gag as i pass them on the street
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
>get to the laundrette
RELEASE HER FROM HER SOAPY PRISON!
>the laundrette worker looks shocked
e-excuse me
MY WAIFU YOU ODOROUS CRONE! I AM TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS HOUSED WITHIN ONE OF THESE SPINNING DEATHTRAPS!
oh, y-you're mrs anon's ch-child... your mother's washing is over here
>i see my love being drowned in a vortex of water and suds
REEEEEEEEEEE! SHE'S DYING YOU MALODOROUS FIEND! HOW CAN YOU LET AN INNOCENT FLOWER WILT AND DIE THIS WAY!
>i use all my tard strength to rip the machine door from it's hinges
>water floods the room as i stand triumphant sword held high and waifu in hand
>make my way home expecting tendies for the returning hero
>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
>they tackle me to the ground, the stench causing them to vomit all over me
IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
>they separate me from my love and throw me in the back of a car
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears

I guess this is it

>>718775802
nigger

>>718778089
>>mummy gets hose and mop, starts cleaning me up
A mop to get the bulk of it out, yes, but she's still going to have to reach between those folds and scrub hard to get the residual filth. Give it some real elbow grease.

File: ylättys ilo apu.png (27KB, 657x527px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 657x527px

>Wake up at 4pm
>Hear talking downstairs
>Start yelling I NEED MY BIG BOY SLEEP
>Waddle over to the door, knock poo-poo jar over
>*whoops, guess mommy has some work to do* I knock over another just for good measure.
>Waddle down the stairs to living room. Mommy is talking to a lady in a business suit about "coverage"
>I NEED MY BIGBOY SLEEP
>Mommy looks in my direction and apologizes to the lady.
>Notice that lady has really pretty hair
>Mommy tells me to go upstairs
>Lady has really really pretty hair
>My pee-pee goes hardy-wardy
>The diaper pops off from the force of my pee-pee, leaving me naked except for my Fluttershy t-shirt
>"Mommy is this the girlie-friendie I asked for?"
>I can't believe that fucking bitch finally did something right.
>Mommy looks really emberassed and tells me to go upstairs. The lady is really scared.
>Start waddling over to the lady.
>She recoils back in horror.
>Keep waddling over.
>I slip on the diaper around my ankles and fall to the ground.
>I do a big poo poo and begin crying on the ground, but my pee-pee is still hardy-wardy at my new girlie-friendie, so I keep crawling towards her
>The lady turns around and runs out the door
>Mommy has tears in her eyes, tries to lift me off the ground
>"Mommy, was she my girlie-friendie you got me?"
>She brushes the tears off her face and nods
>"Yes dear, s-she's just embarrassed. She's never seen a boy as handsome as you before!" She says as she wipes away another tear.
>I smile, proud of how handsome I am
>Mommy tells me that maybe if I earn enough good boy points, she will get me another girlie
>She pulls me up the stairs and starts cleaning the floor
>Uh-oh, my pee-pee is still hard
>I get out of my bed and walk up behind mommy
>Tell her she can be my girlie-friendie too
>She looks kind of disgusted for some reason, says mommy can't do that
>I start yelling REEEEEEEE as I rip off my diapers and shove my pee-pee at her face
>She sucks my weenie-peenie to make me stop yelling

Good day today.

File: maxresdefault.jpg (29KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 1280x720px

>>718777673
>> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards

File: LeaksRUs_5370.png (153KB, 240x426px) Image search: [Google]

153KB, 240x426px

Leak/see any snapchat users private pics/nudes with snap leak .cf! /b/ros use it before it's patched and don't share it.

File: enraged pepe.jpg (8KB, 236x236px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 236x236px

>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to La La Land
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"

And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points

File: coolneet.png (6KB, 300x355px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 300x355px

>in my room browsing /e/ and deviantart
>mom comes in
>"anon, we're having company round later, could you please shower"
>remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)
>"o..okay shadow killer"
>throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again
>5pm now
>ask my whore mom where my chicky tendies are
>there are people here
>"everyone this is anon" says my stupid dad
>scream at him that my name is fucking shadow killer
>everyone looks tense
>"hey anon, what are you into?"
>tell them that I like hentai, mlp and 4chan
>"what's 4chan anon?"
>that's it
>attack him with my blazing shadow technique while shouting that my name's shadow killer
>he dodges and I fall into the wall,smashing through because of my weight
>use my spell attack "mortem omnibus normies"
>"what's a normie?"
>grab the shitjug I was concealing under my trench coat
>smash it over the stupid cunts head
>shit's everywhere
>remember about my chicky tendies
>hurl myself at my bitch mom
>screaming CHICKY TENDIES!!!
>she's crying
>grab her by the hair and drag her into the kitchen
>say get to work bitch
>"anon, you're 28, can't you make your own chicken tenders?"
>smash her head against the oven while screaming DARKNESS PILEDRIVE
>there's a loud snap
>go back upstairs
>check deviantart messages
>can hear ambulance sirens outside

Fucking normies.

File: liltugger.png (43KB, 717x628px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 717x628px

>be me
>wake up 6pm
>waddle out of my SpongeBob race car bed
>do a poo poo in my diapy for mommy
>tummy growls for McDonald's nuggies and 3 cheese garlic crusted hotpockets
>I can hear my stomach REEE internally
>crawl out of my play area
>grab my megaphone
>knock over my mlp bodypillow
>whatever mommy will pick it up
>scream
>"MOMOMOMMY WHERE ARE MY NUGGIES AND HOTPOCKETS YOU CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNTTT"
>hear footsteps and quiet whimpering
>feels good to assure dominance
>30 minuets later cunt still isn't here
>ANON ANGERY
>crawl to get my Zombiekiller throwable dual bladed katana that i got as a gift for not pooping on the cat
>crawl down the stairs to mommy's kitchen
>"MOMMY WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE NO NUGGIES AND HOTPOCKETS ON MY PLATE YET"
>she is visibly scared shitless
>"I-I-I'm s-sorry sweaty pie, the chicken nuggets are still heating up"
>I specifically asked for McDonald's Nuggies not Tyson nuggies
>I am enraged
>"MOMMY MOMMY I SAID MCDONALD NUGGIES YOU FUCKING COW GO DRIVE TO MCDONALD'S OR I'LL BURN DOWN THE HOUSE WITH YOU INSIDE IT"
>mommy falls on the floor shaking and sobbing
>oh no my tendie vendor is having an autistic breakdown
>waddle back up to my room
>google how to cure autism
>its a bunch of ads to Jew doctors
>fuck it I'll fix it myself
>grab my dragon dildo and anal pump
>waddle down stairs
>mommy is shaking violently
>rip off her clothes
>shove dragon dildo into her vagoo
>pump her asshole until she gets an anal rose
>poo poo on her face
>shove my pee pee willy into her mouth
>big cums into mouth
>get up and heil Hitler
>run back upstairs, exhausted
>fall asleep on my SpongeBob race car bed
>wake up with a plate of nuggies and hotpockets
Serves that bitch right

>>718777088
Did you put some of that mayonnaise on your tendies?

File: peep.jpg (66KB, 800x682px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 800x682px

>Be me, mummy's number one boy
>sitting in dark room illuminated only by my computer
>reach out onto my plate for a tendie
>nothing
>"Mummy, your big boy needs more tendies!"
>no response
>"Mummmyyy, I'm getting hungreeEEEE!!"
>silent
>fuck it, ill get my own tendies
>lift myself off the ground
>Mummy doesn't get me a chair because i keep breaking them
>i'm a growing boy get a stronger chair cunt
>i'll get her for that later
>wade through the sea of poo jugs, piss bottles, and cum rags that litter the floor
>don't bother lifting my feet off the floor, tip over dozens of jugs and bottles that sink into the stained carpetry
>finally make it to the stairs
>each step makes me sweat
>make it to the top
>waddle down the hall, the kitchen is at the very end
>fuck
>slowly make the trek across the sahara desert for my tendies
>get to Mummy's room
>it sounds like she and new new chocolate daddy are wrestling again or something
>hear Mummy crying
>door is wide open, look through
>Mummy is tied up and chocolate daddy is using his third thumb to play tag with her
>Mummy sees me
>"Anon, help! Call the police!"
>phone is all the way in my room
>fuckthat.jpg
>continue my journey to the kitchen, ignoring her screams and chocolate daddy's primitive whooping
>finally get there
>get my tendies
>waddle back to my room
>Mummy's screams are still loud
>put on some headphones and go back to playing minecraft

i dont get to see her anymore

File: c4a.jpg (8KB, 238x192px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 238x192px

>Tonight Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
>Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
>It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
>I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
>I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
>I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
>It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
>Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
>"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
>Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
>He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
>WRONG.
>The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
>I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
>"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
>"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
>Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
>They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
>Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not after going through the Wendy's drive through
>Checkmate. eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs

File: whatidowrong.jpg (100KB, 436x490px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 436x490px

>wake up at 2pm
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw

File: LOL-I Was Just Pretending To Be Dead.jpg (54KB, 660x495px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 660x495px

>>718775802
>Be me 5000 years old king of Egypt
>Faked my own death to play a practical joke on everyone
>Was waiting for someone to call me out
>Never happened
>Decided to come clean yesterday
>Did it for the lulz

File: 1472694092749.png (78KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 400x400px

>wipe slimy mucus from my eyes
>try to get out of racecar bed
>bed post breaks
>call out to mommy
>GET UP HERE YOU SLUT AND CHANGE MY DIPEEE AND CHANGE ME PEE PEE JARS I NEED HELPSIES AND UPSIES
>footsteps are heard running up to my humble abode
>WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, BITCH? WERE YOU FUCKING ANOTHER DADDY
>"of course not, sweetie, the only male I need in my life is you, my bestest little boy."
>that's what I like to hear
>as she changes my diaper I can almost hear her gag, but mommy has to do for her favorite little boy
>Ordered tendies with my GBP and delicious tendies sauce
>mommy knows I've been a good little boy who deserves more than what he demands because hes the best around
>smell cologne when she kisses me
>WAIT YOU BITCH
>she stops dead in her tracks
>"W-what, poplins?"
>HAVE YOU BEEN AROUND ANOTHER MAN THATS NOT YOUR BESTEST LITTLE BOY?
>"N-no, anon silly. It was just a casual encounter from last night"
>Wrong move, slut
>I tell her sweetly that she can do what ever and have Chad make her pee pee hole feel good because she's hasn't been a neglecting mommy this week
>she smiles, leaves and brings back my delicious tendies and sauce, no charge of GBP
>she even removed my piss bottles without hesitation
>go about my day by tapping to furry porn and demanding more tendies, like a charming young king
>wait for Chad into the night
>Pack myself tendies and mtn dew for my journey up the stairs into mommy's room
>First 5 steps kill me, I must save my energy
>take a nap and continue to the peak
>Kick down mommy's door into her room and see her and Chad wrestling
>"Anon baby, what are you doing?"
>POO POO PEE PEE, FOR CHAD, HE SHALL NOT TOUCH MY MOMMY AND MAKE ME SAD!
>unleash my bowels full of fiber and tendies
>throw the giant logs at the Chad
>he knocks me over and runs out saying that mommy will never find another good man because of me
>mommy starts crying and I call her a slut because her good little boy is all she needs
REEEEEE WHAT A WHORE

File: feels good nigga.png (86KB, 500x332px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 500x332px

>finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the store
>in Walmart, browsing tendies
>comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath
>"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies"
>start tapping my foot
>"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies"
>start dancing in the aisle
>sing at the top of my voice
>"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES"
>security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people
>I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there
>rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle
>one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling
>the mother comes over and starts yelling at me
>can't hear you, bitch
>and then she fucking slaps me
>she SLAPS. ME.
>YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN
>give her a hard shove
>she falls on her bum
>grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice
>security guard tries to tase me
>the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat
>slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin
>he's holding a little canister
>starts spraying it in my face
>hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko
>start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally
>OH FUCK THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES
>lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over
>scratching at my throat, can barely breathe
>nose is gushing snot
>swallow some and start puking
>slip on my puke and fall on the floor
>start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming
>manage to shout "FUCKING NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching
>police arrive and cuff me
>fall asleep in the police car and wake up chained to bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"

>mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over

>>718781405
>>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
This part is when the sadness set in. For me at least.

File: happymanchildpepe.jpg (68KB, 596x795px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 596x795px

The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!

>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>*vroom-vroom*
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room, rubbing her fresh bruise
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.

If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.

>>718775802
jesus christ
moar you bitch

File: hehehehegoodboy.jpg (28KB, 636x545px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 636x545px

>4 am, right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddi left to buy tendies (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey - i'm mummys big boy, she always says that :)
>i plot down in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
>mummy grabs orange bottle from nightstand and rewards herself extra-helping of sleep candies, hehee she deserves it!
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP & tendies await me for not waking her up!!

>>718784300
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Agreed! All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags bitches. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more

>>718778937
faggot

>>718776447
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.

>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

File: tendieshereIcome.jpg (25KB, 394x458px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 394x458px

>watching Barney in my room when suddenly my tummy starts hurting
>"MUMMYYY ME WANT TENDIES!"
>"Sorry anon, but you don't have enough GBP. Why won't you go with stepchad to McDonalds and grab some?"
>REEEEEEEEEEE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT GOOD BOYS DON'T GO OUTSIDE
>but i also ran out of piss bottles and shit jugs
>in the end i go with stepchad
>fucking normie listening to some normie shit in his normie car
>arrive at McDonalds
>"Hello sir, how can i help you?"
>"20 tendies and honey mustard"
>"What is tendies?"
>stupid bitch makes me wanna reee
>"Just get us some McNuggets with ketchup"
>WHAT?! FUCKING STEPCHAD NORMIE PIECE OF SHIT
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING NORMIES!"
>run at stepchad and put him down with my big boy body
>"POOPOOPEEPEEREEEEEEEEEEEE"
>peepee all over the place while hot chocolate is sprinkling everywere from my bummy
>people start running away and McFucks employees try to hide desperetly
>police officer comes later and takes me back to mummy
>she starts crying
>tell her to start doing those tendies or else
>she want's to make me the greatest tendies ever and even properly examines them by putting her head in the oven
>go back to my room to watch Spongebob
>hour have passed and mummy is still watching over my tendies in the oven

Makes me wanna REEEE but as long as the tendies are good, im ok. I didn't spend GBP afterall.

>>718776447
You're a fucking fag, fag.Everyone has the right to be this burdensome, most people are just too cowardly to claim their right. Go be a wage-slave, you bitch. The rest of us have channing to do.

File: 1472621747807.png (223KB, 314x315px) Image search: [Google]

223KB, 314x315px

>coming back from le Wendy's with tendies in the trunk bought with my hard-earned GBP
>mummy locks them in the trunk because she doesn't want me to eat them in the car
>that whore
>start screaming REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>mummy pulls car over
>cars behind us start beeping their horns after a bit
>keep ree'ing
>"honey what's wrong?"
>REEEEEEEEEEEE intensifies
>open door and tumble onto the ground continuing to REEEEEEEEEEEE
>mummy gets out of the car heading to my side to see what's wrong
>haha fucking whore
>jump back into car into driver's seat and drive off
>driving in the wrong lane but i don't give a fuck
>find a nearby parking lot, pop the trunk, get out and get my tendies
>eat them satisfactorily
>suddenly a siren sounds out and a bright light starts shining around the car
>it's the cops
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE and drive off
>cops right behind me
>crash right into the nearby grocery store
>fall out of car REEEEEEEEEEEEEEing and throwing a tantrum
>mummy suddenly appears out of nowhere crying
>get up and tackle her, smothering her with my buttocks
>"MOMMY MOMMY IS BAD ITS TIME FOR POOPOO HEHEHEHEHE"
>unleash my torrent of brown delight on her face
>she's crying
>police pull me off of her and cuff me
>don't care, objective accomplished
>mummy posts my bail the next day
>doesn't restrict me from my tendies anymore
>mfw

File: 1467162327147.jpg (57KB, 600x591px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 600x591px

>be 12
>350 pound bundle of joy
>mommy is driving me to school
>anxiety, shit my undies as we approach the drivers line
>mummy stops in line and waits for my 6,9 ripped special helper to get me out of the van
>van door opens, mr. chad grabs me
>"c'mon, Anon ready for your big day of learning?"
>kick, fart and panic as he drags me out
>he places me in my good boy chair and puts on the fun straps
>wheeled off to cafiteria for breakfast
>i get to cut through line since i'm so special
>mfw
>Mr. Chad tells me my options
>"okay, we have a breakfast sandwitch, toaster sticks and an egg burrito"
>I WANT THE TENDIES
>"there is not tendies, Ano-"
>REEEEE louder than i ever have before
>break free from one of the fun straps
>my special helper as well as other staff rush to restrain me
>i am subdued with a sleepy shot
>wake up in special classroom, brads makeing donky noises and banging his head against the wall
>fuckingretard.jpeg
>its a code green day, theres an elided shooter in the building
>Mr. chad turns off the lights and closes the door
>we all have to sit against the wall
>he tells me to be quiet
>he can't tell me what to do
>REEE in short burts, Mr. Chad tells me to shut the fuck up
>hear loud BOOM and the door handle flies off
>unknown hero in trenchcoat emerges from the mist and shoots Mr.chad as well and my classmates
>mfw he dident shoot me.

>>718779181
part 2.
part 2, /b/ro
what happened? what happened??

File: angry_pepe reeee.jpg (65KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 900x900px

>be me
>about 330 in the morning
>zulu time (gotta stay on top of those coumterstrike fags)
>just spent the past 8 hours playing runescape with sonic underground playing in the backround
>just ate the last bit of my sweet chili doritos and on my last case of Dr. Thunder
>resupply convoy needed.jpg
>grab bitch summoning stick
>bang said bitch sommoning stick on mlp poster on summers face
>fucking normalfag roastie ponyslut (she'll get her just deserts one day)
>here footsteps coming
>its mummy with tendies
>4 minutes and 55 seconds not too shabby
>here you go sugar, says mummy
>she turns to leave
>"forgetting something you fucking dunce"?
>mummy says "sorry sweet heart ill put on thomas the train for you"
>thats more fucking like it.jpg
>she even started playing the end credits song from peewees playhouse over the intro to thomas the train because i had to teach her it sounds more asthetic (thats another story in itself)
>she leaves
>somethings not right.jpg
> i look at tendies, somethings off, i go retrieve my exacto knife from where i tried to get the triforce by opening the ocarina of time cartridge 10 years ago, fucking lying newgrounds faggots
>i cut into tendies
>FUCKING MICROWAVED
>JUST AT THIS TIME THOMAS THE TRAIN STARTS AND SHE DIDNT PUT IN THE DVD THAT DOES THE EPISODES IN KANJIIII
>RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>SAMSON OPTION ENGAGED
>GRAB 5 GALLON BUCKET OF GASOLINE AND DUMP IT ALL OVER MY BED
>THISISMYLASTRESORT.MP4
>light that shit
>use all my strength to roll downstairs and start the car
>put that shit in reverse and get out
>run head first into cement wall
>just you wait mummy, when social services come, it will be you whos final tendie is done

>>718780817
>oh no my tendie vendor is having an autistic breakdown
kek

>>718776447
Did your mom let you stay home from school today?

>>718775802
this is the kind of quality content I am here for

File: becfa4b6f9a4cb87cf0b92272c860c29.jpg (131KB, 1000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

131KB, 1000x1000px

>wake up on the floor at 3pm from a rough night of erotic asphyxiation
>body is covered in piss, shit, and jizz
>I use mummies cum encrusted panties I stole to clean myself up
>end up just smearing shit all over
>MUMMY MUMMY REEEE
>hear mummy make her way up the stairs
>"whats wrong anon?"
>as she walks into the room she slips on a stray turd
>as she falls over she smashes my prized Hachune Miku poop sculpture
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>I struggle to lift myself onto my feet for the first time in weeks
>my diaper leaks with weeks worth of digested tendies and a mixture of cum, piss, and disappointment
>I navigate my way to mummy through piles of garbage and shit
>a swarm of dormant flies rise out of the garbage and fill the room
>YOU'VE DONE IT THIS TIME MUMMY
>she struggles to pick herself up, slipping on piss and shit, "MUMMY IS SO SORRY SWEETIE PLEASE DON'T DO THIS"
>I remove my belt from around my neck and tie her leg to my bed
>YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE YOU COW BITCH
>I pick up my destroyed Hachune Miku sculpture and shove it in mummies screaming mouth
>she gurgles as she weeps and tries to ransom her life with promises of unlimited tendies
>after an hour long struggle mummy finally eats the entire statue
>I waddle back to my computer to continue on my path to reach my goal of 10,000 gameplay hours in CS:GO
>mummy sits on the floor in the fetal position weeping for the rest of the day
>finally untie mummy and tell her to get me tendies
>"s-sure h-honey"
>she disappears for a few hours
>waddle downstairs to see whats taking so fucking long on my god damn tendies
>mummy slit her wrists in the kitchen sink and then hung herself with curtain cords
who will make me tendies now? ;_;

>>718781495
my /b/ro

File: pepetwirlstache.png (59KB, 500x402px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 500x402px

>mummy brings a visitor
"h-honey this is my new friend... say h-hello..."
"Hey sport, how ya doin? Name's Chad, nice to meet ya."
>that can't be true... that's impossible
>go deathly silent and stare
>minutes pass
>Chad looks at mummy
"... is he always like this?"
>whispering, thinking I can't hear
>breathe quicker and quicker, getting anxious
>cheeks puff out and face turns purple
>begin muttering
>Chad and mummy lean in to hear
"nonoNoNoNONONONONONO!!!"
>Chad takes a step back, mummy goes ashen white
"CHAD BAD! CHAD BAD!! CHADBADCHADBADCHADBAD!!!"
>Chad starts edging towards the door
>mother fucker isn't getting away from me
>lumber forward, foaming at the mouth and slowly gaining steam
>Chad too terrified to run
>Payback starring Mel Gibson.mp4
"RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grasp at Chad's shirt and start slapping at his lower chest because he's 6'8"
>Chad smirks and starts pushing back
"Take it easy champ. Just be a man and look me in the eyes and we'll work it out."
>look up into Chad's obnoxiously perfect face
"OK now, wh-"
>projectile vomit directly into Chad's mouth
>had been eating out of shit box because too lazy to go downstairs
>Chad starts to scream but it just turns into a shit barf gargle
>mummy starts shrieking
>swivel head around exorcist style
>hammer on tummy to disgorge chunk of rock hard stale tendies from behind the desk
>flies across the room, hits mummy in the head and knocks her out
>Chad tried to run but slipped in vomit
>tummy burbles ominously
>BRRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFLLLLLLTTTTTFFFF
"FILLED MY DIAPIE NOW YOU WIPIE!"
>remove diapie and smear it on Chad's face
>give in to rage and start beating him with it
>Chad eventually kicks his way free and runs out the door screaming
>fridge unguarded with mummy unconscious
>mfw

>>718777540
yea honestly I'm incredibly glad this is false I would slaughter my child if they did this to their mother

File: C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_Clitoromegaly2(1).jpg (196KB, 413x614px) Image search: [Google]

196KB, 413x614px

Found op's dick.

File: e68.jpg (184KB, 665x662px) Image search: [Google]

184KB, 665x662px

>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for robots to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves, her eyes tearing up
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and punch the shit out of her
>She's out cold
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."

>>718775802
All this thread did was make me want to call my estranged mother and tell her I love her before she dies.

File: smugswugs.jpg (102KB, 600x800px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 600x800px

>it is 11pm, can hear mummys slippers timidly shuffling up the stairs to tell me its time for beddy-bie
>i am dressed in mummys bra and panties that I stole from her drawer while she was out getting tendies for din din
>am peacefully writing love letter to my imaginary waifu
>hear timid knock on my door
>"h-honey, its lights out time. open your door so i can give you your night-light"
>dumb fucking bitch doesn't understand that i go to bed whenever i want. i dont need whores like mummy telling me what to do
>yell from other side of door, "TENDIES FIRST"
>"n-no baby boy, you don't want to upset your stomach and make poo-poo again do you?"
>feel rage seething throughout my plump, pink body
>roll out of bed and start pounding floor
>TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES
>o-okay honey, but then you have to g-go night night. your mummy has to be up bright and early tomorrow for work
>i win, she goes back down to heat up my leftover tendies. listen to her cry while starting microwave
>pee-pee starts to get stiff
>she comes back upstairs and i open door, she has FUCKING 3 tendies on a plate and FORGOT MY FUCKING SIPPY CUP WITH APPLE JUICE
>"h-honey, why are you in mummys undies? i t-told you not to go in my room while i'm done"
>i began to shake violently
>hit plate of tendies out of her hand
>she begins sobbing
>pick tendie up off the floor
>point it at her, tell her to lay down and open her mouth, and teary eyed, she obeys
>violently face fuck her with tendie, jamming it down her throat until spit bubbles out of her mouth and she begins vomiting
>stomp on her meany face
>"next time, you make me 50 fresh tendies when i ask, bitch"
>she gets up, picks up tendies, and goes downstairs to cry
>that'll teach her
>i continue to write my letter.

File: Autismo.png (24KB, 695x556px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 695x556px

>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college

>>718781176
>fuck it, ill get my own tendies
You pleb.

>>718788038
yea me too man and she kicked me out when I was 15

File: angrypepeangry.png (135KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

135KB, 900x900px

>Wake up early its 4pm
>Dont smell tendies in the air.
>I waddle to my door around the piss bottles.
>Start slamming my head into the wall and screaming TENDIES TENDIES I WANT TENDIES
>Slut bitch Mommy slowly opens the door to my lair
>With tears in her eyes she slides in my tendies and juice-box.
>I tell her iCarly is on later so she better prepare me the highest luxury goodboypoints can buy
>I make my way back to my bed exhausted from my journey across the room and back i rest
>my diaper seems almost full ill need a change before the big event later
>pondering what is going to happen in tonights episode i drift into slumber my little pony playing in the background
>I am awoken to mommy cleaning my piss jars up i tell her i need a diaper change aswell she nods with a look of disgust on her face
>Soon iCarly will be on the grand event
>The theme songs starts playing i scream at mommy to hurry or ill murder her and feed her to our dog buttersnout
>Mommy enters my room she is dressed in appropriate apperal plaid shorts converss sneekers and a hoodie her hair dyed the perfect shade of blonde.
>Now my Good boy favorite boy reward rivaled only by tendies and juice boxes begins
>I wait for a scene with sam in it my favorite iCarly character she is the best i then have mommy do her special service to me and pretend its sam
>i came five times tonight it was the best i finish by blowing on sams i mean mommy butt and tell that dirty slut to go make me SOME FUCKING TENDIES
>she starts walking away when a sight i never witnessed before appears before my eyes SAM IN A BIKINI JUST SHOWED ON AIR OMG
>With a speed of achilles i move like a lion and grab mommy before she makes it out of my lair
>I throw her on my computer desk and did adult things too her more then i ever thought i could
>when im finally finished mommy isnt moving
>iCarly is over i lay down and start watching adventure time
>covered in my special sauce mommy starts crying
>i tell her GO GET ME FUCKING TENDIES

serious question losers, would you ever actually consider doing this to your mother?

>got my brand new fedora in today
>beige with a bicolor band and a small classy feather from an island sparrow
>(you fags wouldn't know class)
>take my old fedora off and hang it in place of honor amongst other retired heros
>organize my butterfly knife collection with one eye on my chan thread in case anyone posts on it
>so far no
>unlike these other neet fags i can actually move in my room without much difficulty
>seriously, if you fags are over 350, you should kys
>mobility is key for the way of the samurai
>eye my katana in disgust
>this is my 3rd katana
>back of the closet with you, you fucking taiwanese trash!
>wobbly handle, chipped paint, cheap SHIT
>i WILL have a Certified Koshu Tokubetsu Hozon
>that bitch will buy it for me, like it or not
>still got half a tub of acne cream
>i don't let myself rot like you freaks
>i know how to take care of myself
>my room is spotless too
>make her vaccuum twice a day
>clothes laundered and pressed
>if the hamper starts to overflow and she hasn't emptied it
>i wreak unheard of havoc
>why do you fags not know how to use your momslaves?
>usually i use the toilet BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING ADULT
>when i do have to use buckets or bottles i call her to clean up fast
>you fags wear cargo shorts and sweatpants all day, OR NOTHING
>i wear the finest black slacks every day, even if i don't go out
>because selfies
>and vests. i wear lots of vests
>i could teach you all so much
>i can't believe how helpless you neet fags are
>i had a job at mini golf last year
>just to prove i could
>wasn't really for me though
>manager thinks he fired me, but i totally quit a week beforehand
>just waited for him to figure it out
>my battlestation is on fleek
>made mom buy me top of the line
>got an Embody Chair by Herman Miller too
>you fags wouldn't even know about that
>whatevs
>signing off now, made mom stop at the steakhouse and she just pulled up
>it'll still be piping hot
>i like to treat myself
>learn to life better, newfags
>you're all so weak

>>718790467
>consider
i'm practically a normie, but this thread has me questioning all of my life choices
these tards have it made
i want this life, but no mom... no tendie-vendor

File: King of NEETs.jpg (90KB, 1024x683px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 1024x683px

>Be Mummy's 21 year old bouncy happy healthy 350lb baby boy
>In the middle of my 5pm post-breakfast MLPforums and /trash/ browsing session on my 2009 Lenovo Thinkpad T420 running FreeBSD (fuck those Linux plebs)
>hear a knock on my door
>it's Mummy
>"God fucking damn me and slutty Princess Luna don't have time for your normie shenanigans you ungrateful sow!!!"
>She interrupts me mid-REEEE! and says my normie sister has come home from college for Christmas and she brought me a present
>"Fine! I shall take her gift as compensation for your heinous act of interrupting my browsing session!"
>Pull my healthy, 300 pound /fit/ as fuck body out of my racecar bed and waddle down the stairs
>Fucking normalshit basic bitch roastie sister is in the living room holding a wrapped present with my name on it
>"Hey anon! I can't believe it's been 3 years since..."
>"MY NAME IS SHADOWCLOUD! My ponysona is me and I am my pony OC!!"
>"S-sorry, Shadowcloud. I thought you might like this. I earned a little extra cash from my job at Starbucks and I thought I's use it to help you out a little bit"
>typicalroastie.jpeg
>Snatch the present out of her probably cum-drenched whore hands
>Tear into it with the force of a thousand Narutos
>areyoukiddingme.webm
>It's a MacBook
>A FUCKING MACBOOK
>"W-well I thought you could use a new laptop s-since yours is kinda old..."
>THIS. BITCH. HAS. CROSSED. THE. LINE.
>"How dare you insult Shadowcloud's presence by offering him this pleb-tier technological trash!"
>Mummy tries in vain to contain my unstoppable rage
>"Anon! How dare you treat your sister like this! She cares about you and this is how you repay her!?"
>Bitch, you just poured gasoline on a raging, eternal fire
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with the force of a thousand Thuu'ms (not that I'd ever play a normieshit game like Skyrim)
>Throw the MacBook onto the floor and bodyslam it with 100% pure muscled buttocks
>"APPLE IS SHIT SO THIS IS A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR GRAVE MISDEEDS, ROASTIE!"
End pt 1

>>718790760
>these tards have it made
>implying the stories are true and not the result of a sped class writing assignment

File: neetfrog.jpg (85KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

85KB, 900x900px

>>718791174
pt2

>Clench my gut and let out a triumphant fart followed by a stream of poopoo so hard it rips through the buttflap on my Barney onesie
>Continue REEEEEEEing the entire time while I'm emptying my cavernous bowels
>Mummy tries to pull me off the box
>Throw a fistful of poopoo at her
>Sister screams and runs to her car
>fuckingnormiesandtheircarfaggotry.webm
>Fling poo at her but miss and hit the Christmas tree instead
>Get up and let out a triumphant roar as I jump one the PlebBook with all my might one last time to finish off the Apple-made abomination.
>Retreat back to my lair and drink a 2 liter of Mr.Pibb in a victory toast with my beloved equine waifu Luna
>Mummy comes up sobbing 2 hours later and changes me out of my poopy clothes

And to think that fucking bitch had the gall to say that I was the one who ruined Christmas.

At least I'm never going to see my roastie whore of a sister again because Mummy told me she got something called a restraining order. Fuck that bitch. I hope she dies choking on Chad's cock while my peepee remains purely for Ponies.

>>718791181
true or not, if i had the courage, i could MAKE them be true about my life...
>but i'm a coward
>but i'm a wage slave

File: applause.gif (2MB, 348x195px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 348x195px

>>718791174
>>718791199

File: blurg.png (267KB, 479x503px) Image search: [Google]

267KB, 479x503px

>sisters birthday last week
>her and her friends are having a party downstairs
>she begged my mom to let her do it somewhere else, but my mom said that she would make sure I wouldnt bother her and her friends
>she is 15 and her friends are around the same age
>all her friends are vapid cunts and I dont want to risk losing my virginity to anyone but my 10/10 virgin dream girl so I decide to stay in my room
>just finished watching a couple episodes of mlp
>those qt ponies always make me parched
>sneak past mother and go downstairs into the kitchen to grab another two liter mountain dew
>I crawl on the floor like a snake so I can slither by them without them see me
>their slut senses must have picked up on the fact that Im only wearing my semen stained undies
>they start to leave the kitchen revolted
>out of the corner of my eye I see the most beautiful semen demon you an imagine
>pig tails
>short shorts
>no make up
>she couldnt have been older than 12
>literally perfect
>I run over to her and grab her to take her into my room
>she starts screaming when i put my hands on that soft pale skin
>all the girls seem really scared
>lol. like I would be tainted by their gaping cunts
>i hiss at them and drag this beute up the stairs by the root of her hair
>dad must have heard the screaming and came to see what was happening
>right before I get into my room he hits me in the back of my head with a closed fist
>"anon bad!" he screams
>i drop the girl, turn and hiss at him.
>barely make it into my room with my life

Didnt get any sweet loli puss, but mom and dad got a visit from the police with the girls parents. kek. those sluts wont be coming back anytime soon

>>718791920
lmao
>they posted ITT

>>718791924
It's good they let you keep the computer. 4Chan has the best deviant aversion therapy program known to modern science.

Keep in touch, let us know how it's progressing.

>>718776447
Save your bullshit comments for whatever's currently trending on facebook

File: chickymentos.jpg (34KB, 448x366px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 448x366px

>be me
>wake up in a cold sweat wheezing
>hungry.wav
>waddle over to kitchen
>exhausted from the walk and lay on kitchen floor like an overturned giant slug
>open the freezer
>no tendies
>almost suffer cardiac arrest
>feel a festering "REEEE" in the back of my throat
>this_ends_now.jpg
>waddle as fast as I can towards the slut bitch cunt's room
>watch over her
>she looks exhausted from working her two jobs
>"Mommy?"
>no response
>oh_no_boy-o.png
>"MOOOOM!"
>Mommy wakes up with a gasp
>looks at me and starts crying
>"Oh, anon, no... I- I forg--"
>get unto the bed on top of her
>hear her groan under weight and hear something pop
>"No nuggies so I make Mommy into huggies"
>"Sweetie, I--"
>"NO NUGGIES SO I MAKE MOMMY INTO HUGGIES!!!"
>with speeds that are unfathomable I pull down my pants and put her face right into my butt
>haven't taken a poopie in weeks
>let_it_go.gif
>as horrible juicy farts are released from my cave, an explosion of chunky diarrhea explodes into my Mom's face
>as thunderous farts and blobs of poopie explode, I roar and tremble in orgasmic pleasure, my saggy tits jiggling in unison to my quicering jowls
>"GOD HAS LEFT US MOMMY!!!!"
>hear my Mommy gagging and sobbing
>sleep on top of mommy because ordeal made me sleepy
>wake up next morning
>Mommy gone
>waddle over to fridge
>Tyson nuggies on shelf

Give me one good reason NEET life isn't worth it

>>718792962
because when your parents die, which they will soon, you're losing everything

>>718790467
Yes

File: f1ef7f36b7938c933f820a3c3c89df10.jpg (16KB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 320x320px

>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of piping hot chili
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.

>>718793987
despicable

File: yesh.jpg (45KB, 500x452px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 500x452px

>Be me
>Living with mommy and asshole stepchaddy
>Usually keep to myself down in the basement with my animes, and vidya while they screw around upstairs
>That fucking chimp thinks I cant hear him bang my mom in this house of paperthin walls
>One day he's doing laundry
>Motherfucker thinks he can put his undies in the same basket as mine and wash them together
>ThisFuckingNigger.avi
>Tell him that's a big nono and tell mommy on him
>She has to listen to me, I've earned many GBP last week for calling a truce and not chucking my doodoo in the Tyrones aquarium
>That fucking junglebunny had the audacity to tell me to grow up and stop making my moms life a living hell and move out and get a job
>A job
>A FUCKING JOB
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>run to my batcave and take out my glorious 3rd Reich armband
>Eat this subby
>Parade around the house screaming Sieg Heil and Heil Hitler
>Notice my neighbours watching
>My middle schools bff dad, I heard he moved out and married a fitnessjock in SF
>Anyway
>Tyrone chimps out
>OOO OOO AAA AAA
>Comes at me full speed
>OHSHIT.gif
>Start spinning my arms in a forward direction
>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
>"MUTHAFUCKA WHITEBOI" "That's it Martha! I'm out!"
>Notice moms in the corridor crying like a little bitch and smoking ciggs
>Tyrone runs upstairs and starts packing his suitcase
>Run to mom and put my face a few inches from hers
>"Start vaping bitch"
>Run to Tyrones aquarium and lays the big poopie that was laying in my underino all this time
>That'll teach that slave
>Tyrone comes downstairs and goes out the front door
>Mom runs after him
>Tyrone pls dont! He's just a boy!
>"HE'S 32, FFS MARTHA!"
>kek, like age has anything to do with that
>Moms still screaming behind him and he stops, he looks like he's coming around
>NotOnMyWatchCoon.jpg
>run out and stand between him an mommy
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"NO! FUCK THIS"
>Steals neighbours car and drives off
>Mommy realizes I'm the only man for her
>Mommy's good boy wins again

>>718794262
no u

File: pepeflipbird.jpg (33KB, 495x495px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 495x495px

>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus Anon, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>Anon, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>Anon, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>Anon, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she cooks me tendies while crying silently
>I wolf them all down, smiling brightly

File: 1446432650692.jpg (290KB, 1400x2400px) Image search: [Google]

290KB, 1400x2400px

>Mummy walks in the door holding bags of groceries
>"Looks like mummy got some groceries, and she looks friendly. I wonder perhaps, did she pick up my tendies?"
>Yes, anon, I got you your tendies. They'll be ready in time for dinner.
>"Methinks, perhaps, they'd best be made now; Lest ye become burdened by poo poo somehow..."
>Anon, I don't have time. I need to go pick up your sister from school.
>"Sissy can wait, but poo poo cannot. The tendies will be here and they will be hot."
>Please don't do this again, anon. We can't afford to keep buying you new diapers.
>"You've forsaken me whim, let the poo poo commence. The contents within will be quite immense"
>What are you... OH MY GOD, ANON. THAT SMELLS TERRIBLE
>"I warned you, dear mummy, most surely I did. This is what you get for neglecting your kid!"
Then I played CS: Go for 26 minutes before taking a lengthy nap. Upon my awakening, a clean diaper and warm plate of tendies. Life is comfy.

>>718794262
Who are you calling despicable you dry ass bitch cunt?
Everyday I have to wake up and see my retard mom's smug ass face, as she gets up to go to work each morning. Everyday I have to listen to her nag about her stupid ass day as I have to clean the house.
So, yes I would do this you fucking normie faggot, I'd do it in an instant.

File: hatesnormies.jpg (8KB, 250x241px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 250x241px

>Up in the wee hours of Thursday morning
>been masturbating to Sailor Moon Crystal
>finish up and get the munchies
>Wake up mom at 3am
>Tell her i'm hungry for chicken mcnuggets and to go buy some now
>Says she has wake up early for work tomorrow (dumbass that's today) and she'll pick some up on the way home
>Fuck that
>Place subwoofer speakers against the wall facing parents room and blast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPRF1gXh5VY
>She knocks my room door for 5 minutes meekly asking me to turn it off but I kick back and scream CHICKEN MCNUGGETS every time
>Finally she stops and gets in her car and comes back 40 minutes later with my mcnuggets
>Double 50 piece with extra dipping sauce plus an M&M McFlurry to wash it down with
>Furiously gobble the entire thing in four minutes
>Crash for 12-hours
>Wake up just intime to see mum home from work
>She's exhausted as hell but brought me the same order without asking just to make sure I don't wake her again
>I do anyway

Kek fucking normalfags

>>718775802
wtf is a NEET, why does summer keep rolling around.

>>718776823
get baited you simple bitch.

>>718795593
>and blast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPRF1gXh5VY
Catchy. Your mom should've just rolled with it.

>>718795173
if you're living with her and you don't help with the bills or are attending college you atleast owe her that much don you think?

File: 1472433724015.jpg (3KB, 118x125px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 118x125px

>be me 37yr old newfag
>get up at the ass crack of noon and smell the golden tendie's cooking
>just the smell has my throbbing 3inch chub about to spew all over my voltron sheets
>grab my filthy cum encrusted sock from under my racecar bed
>nut with the force of a thousand death stars as I stare into glory of all my MLP posters on the walls
>wondering ware my fucking food is mommy should have this shit on point after all these years
>MOMMY YOU LAZY CUNT!!...hear frantic steps rushing up the hall to my room
>door flys open and she has the look on her face *fear*
>fling shit jar at her for not bringing the nummys with her
>the shit it in her hair her teeth and I could smell it from bed GLORY TO BIG BOY! I keep canting
>5 min pass she is back with a shivering smile and my big boy tendies
>*have nut sock under blankie* she leans in and I jam that fucker down her neck
>laughing as she heaves and pukes all over the floor I have a new game I wana play
>I roll off my bed take down my superman undies and roar SEA WORLD SEA WORLD!!!!
>flapping around on the floor like a sea lion shiting myself
>mommy crying a lot more then before not like when daddy left us
>now clean big boy up so he can go out and play MFW she just keeps sobbing
>grab her shirt and rip it off babby wants to see boobies she recoils back in horror
>get insta hard she is shivering balled up whispering to her gods praying for a quick death
>I jerk off like a spider monkey on pcp letting lose a nut that rivaled the gods in volume
>mommy crawls off to get her cleaning robes ..whew all this and I still have tendies to eat
>shit smeared tenides are still tendies

>>718796346
NO FUCK YOU
GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NORMIES GET OUT NOMRIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>718795992
>Another acronym from sociologists... NEET stands for 'Not in Education, Employment or Training'. I'm not sure, yet, whether it has any global significance or derogatory overtones. However, like chav, it seems to be particularly applicable to a social under-class lacking drive, motivation or ambition. I part this is due to poverty and lack of opportunity. But this burgeoning classification will soon become the darling of right-wingers.

~Urban Dictionary

File: 7777dcgc.png (32KB, 657x527px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 657x527px

>be watching nemo in my room while my mom makes diner
>yummy yummy i hope the diner will please my tummy
>i go downstairs to check on mummy in the kitchen to see if she's not calling a psychiatrist or anything naughty like that
>she's not. she's making diner like the good mummy she is
>i walk on all fours towards the dish to see what sweet yummy food she made for her good boy
>it's braised vegetables
>braised fucking vegetables
>I rise and look down at my mom from my 6'5" height
>i start to chant
>MUMMY MUMMY YOUVE BEEN NAUGHTY LITTLE LADDIE HAVE TO PUNISH YOU MUMMY
>she quietly starts sobbing, knowing exactly what will ensue
>i pin her down to the floor with all my 360 lbs might, an exquisite wonder starts to form in my undies, like a rare bird
>i take the magical present and shove it right in her eyes
>immediately she starts vomiting
>PLEASE ANON PLEASE STOP NO
>Another flow of brown mystery finds its way in her mouth
>sshhhhh mummy you know i do this for your own good
>eventually she stops fighting back, she just lays there motionless
>i wake up and take out frozen tendies from the freezer
>since i don't know how to use the microwave, i eat them raw
>while i'm concentrated on something else, mummy wakes up and runs upstairs, screaming like dementia
>i know she is sad, but i have to be firm if i want to teach her how to be a good mummy
>today was a good day

File: 1404037947072.jpg (65KB, 868x868px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 868x868px

>>718781166
>>718781166
of course he did you fucking normie

File: batteruppepe.jpg (41KB, 396x385px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 396x385px

>Settling down in my man-palace after a hard night of teaching scammers a lesson in Runescape.
>It's been a bit hot lately, so the Coke shit-jugs are starting to ferment. I can see gas-bubbles forming, and the bottles are expanding. Mommy's been getting lazy. I resolve to have a stern word with her.
>Feeling a bit peckish. I'm still only on my second dinner, after all.
>Check my GBP chart and see that I have 25 good boy points saved up! That's only 5 short of a whole box of tendies!
>"MOMMY! MOM! YOUR BEST-BOY NEEDS YOU!"
>I hear a glass smash, and a sob from outside my door. Obviously, in her rush to tend to me, the wench has dropped whatever beverage she was preparing for me. I scream louder.
>"MOMMY!! GET IN HERE NOW!". I start throwing piss bottles at the wall. One goes my window, and into the neighbour's house. I don't care. Mommy will fix it.
>All this exertion wears me out, no strength left. Lose control of my sphincter temporarily and blast shit all down the back of my limited edition Final Fantasy jammies.
>Mommy comes in and looks around the room, her face is all scrunched up, clearly distressed at how much she has displeased me.
>"I want tendies! Now!" I point in the direction of the kitchen, and expect to see her much dutifully away to prepare my nourishing reward.
>Mommy sighs and looks at the chart "Anon, you know the rules. You still need 5 more GBP for a box of chicken tenders."
>"They're called TENDIES you stupid BITCH!" I scream as I lunge towards her. I go to fetch my little league bat so I can bash her head in, but the fates cause me to miss by a TINY bit.
>"Sigh, clean up all these bottles, Anon, and I'll give you the last 5 points."
>Before I deliver the fatal blow, she walks out, and closes the door.
>In a weakened state, unable to continue the fight. I decide to clean up the jugs.
>Go to collect them all, too many for one trip. I refuse to take multiple trips, it's undignified, so I pile them all on my blanket and wrap them up.
(continued)

File: pepeohwell.png (660KB, 1106x1012px) Image search: [Google]

660KB, 1106x1012px

>>718798015
>Shit and piss jugs leaking everywhere. No bottletops on any of the MTN Dew bottles (I keep all bottlecaps in my Fallout Limited Edition Vault while their value increases!)
>Put the poopy-pile in the secret area under my bed! :^)
>"MOMMY MOMMY. TENDIE TIME! A WHOLE PACK OF TENDIES WILL SOON BE MINE!"
>Another glass shatters outside the door. How stupid IS this woman? I hear another, louder sob.
>Mommy comes in, a bullet rolls in past her foot. Maybe she was buying me that new pistol I wanted! (I'm prestige in CoD)
>She looks around, checking for poopy-bottles and pissy-wissy jugs. She doesn't know our little secret! :^)
>Tendies already on a plate! She's semi-redeemed herself!
>Ready for my reward!
>"Sorry, Anon. I still see one bottle." Mom points, and holds the plate out of reach. I see one piss-bottle I've missed! Blast!
>"N-No mom! That's MTN Dew", noting the clearish yellow liquid.
>"Oh really? Then drink some." She says.
>Horrified at the idea, but really need those GBP! Still too exhausted from talking, and the shit is starting to pool around my feet.
>I walk over and pick up the bottle. Looking down in disgust, but trying to hide it, I take a swig.
>Immediately feel the overpowering urge to throw up. Try to keep it down, but can't. Still too tired from the battle with mom earlier.
>Start throwing up all over my room. Lurch forward and trip over my Pinkie Pie plushie.
>Vomit hits my mom in the eyes and she starts screaming and vomiting too. The tendies go flying in the air, and mom smashes into everything.
>Fall back onto the bed and the shit jugs burst out from underneath. Shit and piss everywhere.
>Mom slips over in the shit, unable to stand up. Eventually she crawls out. Crying. Probably in disgust at how lazy she is.
>Tendies land on the floor in a pool of liquid shit and piss.
>Not wasting 30GBP after all that.
>Sit down for my meal.
>as I work down the shit&piss covered tendies I hear one last, sad sob and then a loud BOOM
>MFW.

File: 1474813936611.png (67KB, 449x1197px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 449x1197px

>>718775802
I fucking love this thread so much, good boy op.

Page 9, rip thread

>>718795173
Despicable. Clean everything with your tongue or I swear I'll find you and cut it off, I'll crush your fingers and you wont ever be able to eat again. I'd starve you and feed you parts of your body until you die you animal.

File: flat,800x800,075,f-c,0,75,800,331.jpg (53KB, 800x331px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 800x331px

>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory

>>718795593
>>I do anyway
Bwahahahahaha

File: 1480173987616.jpg (7KB, 204x208px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 204x208px

>>718786050
my god, I must resist the desire of eating this bait. Plase, if you're real, away with you.

File: neetbux1.jpg (52KB, 600x578px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 600x578px

>am now filthy NEET, its almost normie tier
>filthy whore mother informed me NEETBUX can be exchanged for GBP
>I do like GBP
>have her leave work to pick me up
>roll me to car to take me to NEETBUX vendor
>disgusting nazi at bum office asks if ive looked for a job yet
>fucking normie shmuck dares speak to me?
>start breathing in through my teeth and blowing out my nose
>snot starts running down
>starts getting sucked into my mouth
>wait till mouth is filled
>grab wagecuck social benefit bureaucrat by his ugly tie and and scream PUSSY spitting my snot all over his face
>stand up flipping the desk with my belly
>guess mother dearest was tired as 5 security guards carried me to the car

>mfw I dont have to go to bum office anymore
>NEETBUX4LIFE

File: neckbeardpepe.png (34KB, 198x231px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 198x231px

>mumma took me to the local card store after reluctantly cashing in a gbp-coupon

>be brooding in a corner when I see a hot gril in the store, she's shopping for MTG cards!

>suddenly my third chin begins wobbling with excitement

>i waddle happily over to her, she looks stunned, obviously by my custom-ordered 7XL Metallica shirt

>i tip my fedora to her "m-m-m-m-m'l-lady" I'm shaking violently, I know 3d waifus are for normalshits, but after losing my waifu as a punishment for the incident at Legoland, a Good Boy will take whatever he gets

>"who are you..?"

>"I n-noticed you have MTG cards"

>"I'm buying them for my brother..."

>WHAT

>this FUCKING WHOREBAG has the GALL to parade her goods around MY SANCTUARY under the guise of buying MTG cards?!

>i decide to teach her a little lesson

>"play me."

>"what?"

>"there's the table. Play me."

>"I..."

>I pull out my special gray water pistol that I found under old daddy's pillow, I get whatever I want when I point it at mummy and this slut is no exception

>she obviously aquiesces and after a glorious festival of her own failures I'm sitting smugly at the other end

>I tip my fedora one more time with newfound vigor "psssh...nothin... personnel kid"

>suddenly wagechad behind the counter tells me that the cops are on their way for use of a "deadly weapon"

>ohshit.jpg

>in one fluid movement I pick up the girl and burst out the doors

>I need to stop to take a breather as soon as I make my way out and suddenly I'm being shockied! The popo peepees are here

>I begin flailing my curvaceous body on the ground on top of the girl demanding nuggies through my tears and mama jama is begging the mean police man to be lenient

>I had to spend the night in holding for the "attempted kidnapping a of a minor" but I got let out because I was "special" (damn right I am)

>mum says she's taking away my PS4 when we get home

>doesn't matter, taught a bitch a lesson, today was a good day

File: Distinguished Gentlepepe.jpg (194KB, 960x639px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 960x639px

>Be me average neet getting gbp one day at a time
>usually able to save up enough gbp to get tendies 2 even 3 times a week sometimes
>get once in a lifetime opportunity
>mummy says she'll give me a million gbp if I go to university
>ace all exams get into oxford
>first couple of weeks felt like limitless tendies
>had enough to move from the basement to the attic
>dumped old loli waifu for even younger loli waifu
>after a few weeks though tendie prices started skyrocketing
>went form 20 to 50 to 500 gbp in the matter of a few weeks
>soon enough I'm paying thousands of gbp for a single tendie
>stopped doing chores so now the entire house is in chaos
>threw a piss bottle at professor as a show of strength
>ended up getting kicked out
>doesnt really matter I only went a couple of times because I didnt feel safe around those (((normies)))
>mummy fines me hundreds of thousands of gbp
>couldn't make payments on attic
>waifu leaves me
>got evicted by daddy #6 muhammed
>be me now back in basement
>market still at inflation prices so chores arent even worth doing since it'll take weeks to get one tendie
>making arsenal of piss bottles, poo canisters, and cum rags to allahu akbar this house

Don't fall for get comfy quick schemes lads. You'll just end up waifuless, tendieless, and in need of serious domestic reform like me. Beware of GBP inflation.

>>718799865
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.

File: 1483169574817.jpg (75KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 480x480px

>>718776447
Good job anon, you succesfully baited the real newfags who actually believe someone thinks these stories are true

>>718775802
>>718776894
So what kind of dip do you use for your chicken tenders? I like plum sauce.

>>718787888
if you were my dad, i'd make you eat my diaper, you normie twat

>>718796873
you sound like one of those robots from r9k

>>718790304
welcome to manhood, anon

>>718794913
you're a stud
i love you, anon

>>718802657
Indeed, he'll be a father soon from the look of things.

>>718802211
if I was your dad I would put you down like the rabid fucking animal you are

>>718802394
you sound like a bitch

>>718799538
I've decided.
From this day forth, i'm not cleaning anything. i didn't ask for this life.
She'll go to work and come home and clean everything. She won't like it, but she'll do it? What options does she have? I'll stay in my room and she'll feed me.
That's just how it will be.

>>718799636
you are a god, sir

>>718777673
>All that shit and not a single tendie was eated

File: sadfatpepe.jpg (466KB, 1600x1600px) Image search: [Google]

466KB, 1600x1600px

>5:45 PM
>Wake up from a particularly intense visit to tumblrs paw-fetish tag
>Even managed to stretch over my belly and reach my peepee long enough to cum with out mummys help
>Awake now, I feel the need for about 50 tendies and an extra large glass of chokie pudding to wash it down
>Press the intercom I had mommy install for my birthday last year
>"TENDIES TENDIES AND CHOKIE PUDDY!"
>If this cunt is too stupid to decipher THAT, then she's beyond all fucking help
>Mommy sprints up the stairs 20 minutes later with 2 50 piece nuggets from mcdonalds and a large jug of puddy
>Nuggets
>"Do it again or I'll fucking kill myself and light the house on fire right before I pull the fucking trigger."
>"Wha- Oh right! Tendies, not nuggies! I'm so so sorry honey..."
>"Honey'
>Fucking HONEY
>Mommy knows I like to be called her sweetpea
>Roll out of bed and lunge at her, the poopoo from last weeks Poofap party in hand
>Smash it into her fucking face as hard as I can while screaming "POOPOO POISON PAWNCH!!!"
>Mommy falls backwards into the radiator, but this has happened so many times her skull is calloused enough to tank the shot, she scrambles to her feet and rushes back to the car
>By the time she returns, I've eaten all the nuggies and puddy
>She has the 50 tendies
>But no new puddy

Guys, I try to be understanding but this is borderline child neglect. How do I show her that this is unacceptable? It's obvious my gentle reminders won't be as effective now that her skull doesn't crack on the radiator anymore.

>>718802098
Not all of these stories are true, but at least 3 are.
>Mine are.

>>718803204
then mommy will have 2 good boys to serve tendies to.

File: mcpepe.jpg (68KB, 540x540px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 540x540px

>25 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me ten Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need 10 Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert

>>718803398
you'd suck my semen while wearing an MLP full body costume of Starbright while I ate tendies and shit myself

File: 857.jpg (30KB, 563x542px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 563x542px

>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on Cinemax
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>pull big box of tendies from freezer
>ham-handedly drop it and it makes a loud *THUNK*
>mummy hears it and thinks I'm a burglar
>new daddy rushes out of the room to investigate
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic creep! he's an adult for fuck's sake!'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up a fistfull of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>quickly jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face with my ample 340lb frame
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair he controls with his mouth to get around
>he grimaces every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles

>>718804670
you wish you overgrown piece of shit. if the talibans couldn't take me, some obese faggot virgin sure as fuck won't

>>718779600
How much GBP did she give you for that?

Fuck this thread, I've been reading it for hours, since I woke up.

I really want chicken nuggets now, haven't had them in ages. Why do the stories involve so much shitting? I didn't understand that part. I pissed in a bottle when I was younger so I get that but not the shitting part. And why so much cruelty towards the mother?

File: barneypepe.jpg (10KB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 320x320px

>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums get upset when she sees the stains and takes away the rest of my GBP
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies

>>718775802
I love these they so remind me of my brother in law

>>718790476
Whoa this is like the opening to American psycho but neet. I like it

File: laughing smug pepe.jpg (47KB, 499x499px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 499x499px

>3 o clock in the morning
>get hungry for chicken nuggets
>go into mummies room
>she is play-wrestling with new daddy
>I don't like new daddy
>they are playing under the sheets
>they don't see me enter the room
>I remove my clothes
>I squat beside the bed
>as I squeeze, I let out several grunts and moans
>mummy and new daddy are also grunting and moaning
>squeezing hard, I feel my sphincter throb and pulse
>double double toil and trouble something wicked this way comes
>the brown goodness pours forth from my anus and veers in a sweeping motion slightly to the left and touches the ground
>my sphincter closes off, like a valve, sealing my back passage shut
>I behold my work
>a solid mass of brown goodness
>I am proud
>mummy and new daddy have stopped wrestling
>new daddy says "um...d-do you smell something?"
>mummy pleads "oh god....oh god please not again"
>mummy is well learned in the ways of brown goodness
>but new daddy still must learn
>he is about to
>throwing back the sheets
>mummy and new daddy look upon my work and despair
>new daddy retches at the sight of me standing, now with brown goodness in hand
>new daddy screams "is th-that fucking real?!?! I-is that fucking shit??!?!?!
>mummy buries her face in her hands in shame
>she knows what is coming
>I lean on top of new daddy
>he tries to struggle free
>I'm 350 lbs of pure blubber
>he's going nowhere
>his arms are pinned beneath my might
>I take my brown goodness and paint new daddy's face
>I make him a brown man
>a brown chocolate man with my brown chocolate goodness
>he shakes violently and vomits several times
>I struggle to keep him still
>mummy is sobbing by the bedside
>her days of trying to reason with me are gone
>she has given up all hope
>she is broken
>after I am finished my work, new daddy is covered in my brown goodness and chunks of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face
>after daddy is done gagging, I lean in close
>I whisper "can you take me to mcdonalds to get some chicken nuggets?"

>>718804617
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert
fucking right

>>718805047
fine, i'll wear the MLP starbright costume and ponyfuck your ass until you learn the law of tendies!

>>718790476
I hate reading this because it's more "that spaz who hits enter every so often in a chatroom" rather than "finishing a part of the story, moving onto the next"

>>718805925
what part of
>the talibans didn't take me so you won't
did you not understand

File: 1441018180272.jpg (12KB, 480x640px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 480x640px

>>718794362
>steals neighbours car and drives off

>>718806129
the part where you didn't realize MLPs have special powers. i will send a magical rainbow of feces directly into your mouth hole. you will buy a prayer rug, kneel upon it, face east, and take pony cock in your buttocks until i get my tendies, newfag.

>>718781368
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
Fuck, haven't laughed this hard in years.

>goes to sleep
>wakes up
>check 3chins
>thread from last night is still alive
>good boys never die

File: happybabyboy.png (19KB, 499x499px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 499x499px

> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Arrive at Gamestop, mom makes GBP transaction with the wagey behind the coutner
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "Anon! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "ANON! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory

File: sniffmmmm.jpg (38KB, 363x379px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 363x379px

>3 PM
>wake up after all-nite playstation marathon
>feel the morning hungies
>expect my morning tendies left out by mummy before her wageslave time
>waddle my way into the kitchen
>no tendies
>mummy forgot my tendies
>anger fills my gelatinous body
>angry poopies overcome me and i poopsie on the floor
>smear poopsie all over floor and roll around in it
>lay there for a while
>the smell of hot, churned tendies-poopie fills the air
>wageslave mom returns home at 5 PM
>i tackle her and scream "BIG BOY HUNGIE FOR TENDIES"
>she screams out "ANON, WHAT HAPPENED?!"
>"MUMMY DIDN'T LEAVE MORNING TENDIES BIG BOY HUNGIE"
>she tries to reason with me as my shell of poopie cracks off covering her in dried poopies
>"A-anon, I'm so sorry. I actually took the day of today to go on a d-date. There was a guy at the office, and..."
>"MUMMSIE WUMSIE IS MINE ME NEED TENDIES"
>angry poopsies water dribbles through my undie wundies
>"MUMMY MINE"
>poopie doopie makes my undies droopie until a hole bursts open releasing my tendies goop all over mummy
>mummy begins to cry and vomit
>i cover myself in poopsie and begin screeching
>mummy is covered in my liquid-poopsie, crying
>i smack her in the face with poopie covered man milkies
>mummy keeps and says "You're such a good, big boy, anon. I'll get you tendies now, a-and I won't go out on any more dates."
>victory waddle back to beanbag chair and celebrate with more playstation
>later mummy serves me a triple tendie-dindin and tells me I'm her best boy
>mfw

>>718787603
this

File: 1466623492234.png (123KB, 785x757px) Image search: [Google]

123KB, 785x757px

>be 30
>wake up 3pm
>tummy in hungy
>MUMMY I WANT TENDIES FROM WENDIES
>Mom busy helping Granny with her healthcare provider
>no answer
>still_hungry.jpeg
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Mummy tries to explain to wagecuck on phone that the noise is nothing
>being ignored
>thinks she can get away with this
>use my cum crusty blanky as a cape
>doesn't wave when I fly
>waddle down stairs
>TENDIES IN TUMMY OR MUMMY EATS UNDIES
>Mummy realizes what she has done
>mfw too late
>mfw prepping undies for launch
>a liquid brick descends into my undies
>5 lbs of weight visibly hanging
>Mummy runs for door
>me thinkth not
>Screech a REEEE that stunns her for a second
>Farting and drooling as I run for the door
>mfw I'm blocking the only exit
>"Mummy is very sorry. Anon, if you settle down and promise not to hurt Mummy, you will get 50,000 GBPs.
>she thinks she can bribe her way out of this
>jewish scheme deserves extra punishment
>fall unto Mummy, my 400 pound body gently crushing her body
>mfw I hear cracks
>shes sobbing slowly as she knows what is to happen
>"Mummy was a bad girly. Bad girlys need too be good"
>"Please have mercy!" she cries
>while on top of her chest, I take of my shit ridden undies and shove it into her mouth
>shes gagging uncontrollably
>pee pee exposed
>look at Granny
>shes terrified
>horny now
>take my pee pee and poke Mummys eye out
>blood but I still continue
>fall asleep from moving so much
>wake back up a few hours later
>Granny is gone and Mummy isn't moving
>must have thought my body was a pillow
>silly Mummy
>get up and streak my shit stained asshole across the wall to spell out TENDIES FROM WENDIES
>waddle into the kitchen and take the trendies out from the freezer
>remember I wanted Wendies Tendies
>too hungry to care and eat them raw

>>718777088
>>my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job
what

File: tendies-number-one.jpg (21KB, 312x376px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 312x376px

Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints

Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats

McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy

Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!

Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!

Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders