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>ITT we post useless super powers that we actually have I

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 136
Thread images: 18

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>ITT we post useless super powers that we actually have

I can slow my heart rate enough to scare the shit out of my doctors
>>
Schizophrenia.
>>
>>718554783
>tfw i have one of those useless super powers
>abnormal armhair growth
>>
>everyone on this board should have trash detection
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>>718554783
I can smell cigarette smoke from very far away. I live in Las Vegas, so I smell it almost every day.
>>
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>>718554783

>tfw you dont even have a useless super power
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>>718554783
I can tap my fingers real fast
I can raise 1 eyebrow
I can move my ears
>>
>>718554783
How do you slow your heart rate? This is impossible, heart rate is controlled by the ANS which you can't influence consciously
>>
>>718554783
Absorb bad luck could be awesome
>get gambling partner
>reveal your super power
>go to casino
>constantly be right next to him
>absorb his bad luck
>he's left with nothing but good luck
>split winnings 50/50
>mutual masturbation to celebrate new fortune
>>
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I Can spit like a cobra by contracting my tong, is very interesting when people first see it. i also can move my left hand veins like a cobra dancing.

actually... maybe i was a cobra in past life lol
>>
>>718554783
>>718554783
Well the one second super strength would be useful if you went to prison, just rip someone's head off their shoulders to establish dominance.

My useless superpower would be i can make anyone poop at will.
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>>718554783
I can fall asleep in situations when nobody should be sleeping.
>>
>>718555376
I just focus on it, I don't know how it works, I just know that it does.
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>>718555378
Genius
>>
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>>718555376
Bearing down stimulates the vagus nerve and in turn reduces heart rate.
The more you know.
>>
>>718555878
i dont know if is the exactly same thing, but by controlling my respiration i can make my heart go to 55 bpm. Was the slowest i could ever go, and i can get there fairly easy
>>
I don't bruise. Or at least, hardly ever. Last time I got a bruise was after a large fall onto my elbow. It swelled up near the size of a baseball, and still hurts months later, but only a faint yellow bruise. Prior to that was some 10 years ago playing paintball. Point blank to the thigh, and that was small too.
>>
>>718554783
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg5j1bzm2c8
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>>718556008
50bpm was droping to 47bpm but takes to long getting below 50
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>>718555376
Press your eyeballs with your fingers.

Here you go
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>>718554783
I crabwalk real good.
>>
>>718556416
to get it lower i think i need someone else to monitor it, cause when i get slow and try to check, it go up lol
>>
>>718555455
So you're a cobrakin? Does your mom know that unless she gives you rats she is literally starving you in the current year?
>>
I weight more than average person.
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>>718555455
There was a mudslime kid in tenth grade who could do the spit thing. Fucker went around spraying his spit on all his friends and running away
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I can bend the last part of my finger like pic related
>>
I have an inhuman ability to tolerate assholes.
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>>718554783
I did this once myself. They hooked me up to a machine a few minutes before givng me anesthetic. I got it so low a nurse came running and I was like "yo, chill, just verifying my meditation techniques"

at the time i was doing 30 minutes a day, every day. one key thing i learned at the time was to relax my face muscles; it seems to be the last thing anyone thinks of--we spend all day with our faces twisted into some kind of display, the muscles actually never get to relax until we sleep. once I could fully relax my face, my internal organs became very easy to manage.
>>
I was born without wisdom teeth, so I won't ever have to get that shit ripped out.
>>
>>718556704
If your 'Merican, that's saying something. (B4 any posteriors become aggrieved, I am 'Merican also.)
>>
>>718555455
The first part is actually pretty common. It's called fleeking. A lot of people (like myself) experience it involuntarily if they smell food.
>>
>>718555376
You relax genius. Kinda like if you wanted your heart rate to go up you'd start moving around, so if you want it to go down to relax your body. That's like saying you don't control your arms, your nervous system does.
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>>718555455
When I was in school, we called that "gleeking"
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>>718555329
>tap fingers real fast
Not entirely useless... You'd be good at video games where you have to tap buttons very quickly. Although that's still sorta useless unless you somehow find a way to use it to win tournaments maybe.
>>
I can unhinge my thumbs painlessly and effortlessly
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>>718555878
Moar of her, plox
>>
One second super strength.... So kaio-ken....cool
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>>718557093
Fucking nerd what about fingerbanging bitches
>>
>>718554783
change my heart rate by will, controlling breathe, got gfs scaring the shit out of theirselves

i've got one toe on each foot that i can flex and hit the ground with certain strenght, so i can make people worry about mice and stuff-it may work as a distractive, i don't know
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>>718556801
Same dood
>Pic related, my finger.
>>
>>718554783
I have so called "wonderblood" (not sure if that is correct English)
>My blood contains waaaaaaay too many white blood cells
>Whenever I get ill I go trough feeling worse, fever and being fine again in a couple of hours.
>Wounds don't get scarbs but just get sticky
>Can eat certain poisonous substances without getting poisoned
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>>718557011
>gleeking. Ftfy
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>>718555658
Kek
So many scenarios to imagine
>Twin towers, asleep in his cubicle
>Seal team raid on Osama, falls asleep while being held captive
>>
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>>718557011
>gleeking. Ftfy
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>>718556615
Guess im a cobrakin! lol xD
fuz ro cobraaa

>>718556761
One thing i find interesting about the cobra spit thin i do is this. if you usually spit in your hand or anywhere else, you can feel a bad odor cause bacteria of your mouth. but if i do the cobra thing, my saliva went out clean and dont smell!

I use that saliva to clean my water googles while rest of people spit on it, ewww
>>
>>718557238
I used to be able to do it with both hands, but now I can barley get 3 fingers to bend slightly
>>
>>718555376
There are supposedly people who learn to control various bodily functions that would normally be unconscious like heart rate, body temperature, etc. I think it's a form of yoga, if I remember correctly, but not the stretching/exercise one that we usually think of soccer moms practising.
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>>718557011
it happens a lot when i open my mouth due to feeling sleep, that thing we do if we see people doing. i dont know how to say in murican

>>718557060
never heard of, interesting
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>>718557577
OP here, I have the flu right now and I wish I could control my body temperature.
>>
>>718555455
I can do the spit thing too. Its just compressing saliva glands with ur tongue.

I can also lick my own elbow, and move my adamsapple very rapidly
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I can materialize sweat out of nothing, indifferent of temperature or situation

I can also shit whenever I want (usually I shit 3 times a day right after eating so my bowels kept clean)
>>
>>718557577
>>718556948
zen meditation will suffice
>>
I can usually cry at will, or at least make people believe I'm ultra sad/upset.
>>
>>718554783
I can move my eyes independently of each other.

I can wiggle my ears.

I can flex my nostrils and wiggle the end of my nose.

I can hyperflex my knees 90 degrees backwards.

I have perfect pitch and can tune a guitar by ear... but have absolutely zero musical talent and can't play an instrument.
>>
>ejaculate in record time

Warned my girl and she was still surprised.
>>
>>718556146
Invulnerable veins? Cool!
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>>718557901
oh yeah, i forgot i had that one too, lol.. )-:
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>>718557208
Well I assumed when OP said "useless super powers" the "useless" part was meant in a profitability sort of way. Can't really make money off fingerbanging chicks really good in most countries due to prostitution laws, and the fact that no woman is really gonna think sex is worth paying for just because "you can tap your fingers all fast and stuff."
>>
>cobrakin here

i can also shake my eyes so fast (together) horizontally that people think i am having some kind of attack
>>
Well, not useless but I can vomit at will. Useful for getting out of work.
>>
>>718558030
I can't vomit. It's been 40 years since the last time I vomited. Food poisoning, flu, seasickness, accidentally swallowing a mouthful of tobacco-tainted saliva -- it gives me terrible nausea, but I can't vomit even when I want to for relief.
>>
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>>718554783
You know that feeling you get when someone is watching you? I can bypass it and sneak up on anyone real ninja status. There has been only a handful of peopke that can feel my "presence". Oddly enough those people are all trained boxers
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>>718557050
Wow, are you stupid.
>>
>>718554783
1 second super strength means your punches kill... that is actually a decent super power
>>
>>718555074
>>>/trash/
>shhh its a secret
>>
>>718554783
>1 sec superstrengh
enough to beat up people
>>
>>718558213
interesting, tell us more about it
>>
>>718556801
i knew a guy who could do that with both hands pretty fast
>>
I can blink really fast but I'm still a faggot
>>
>>718554783
level 30 wizzard
>>
>>718558213
boxers need to be able to land punches at times when they may not be able to see their opponent clearly or at all, due to injury, blood or sweat in their eyes and in addition need to anticipate where punches are coming from when they may not have any visual cue for the same reasons--on top of their opponent's ability to obfusicate his next attack.
>>
I can lick my elbow.
>>
>>718554783
most pressure points don't work on me.

It's great fun when sparring with friends of mine who took martial arts centered around control/pressure point manipulation because I can just wiggle free from any grip/hold and take them down.
>>
>>718556963
Holy fuck. You too? I'm 33yo i still havent got my wisdom.
Also oddly enough i have NO underarm hair
>>
>>718557685
No you don't, your body runs hot as a reaction trying to burn the virus/bacterial infection out.

If yu lowered your temperature while sick you would only be helping the illness.
>>
i have all my wisdom tooth very well placed inside my mouth (dont u say) . 27yo and no need at all to take it away
>>
>>718558542
Oh also as a dude I can cum and keep going for another round or two and cum again.
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>>718558295
Nothing much to tell...i can sneak up on ppl & scare the fuck out of them.
>>
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>>718557685
You can. If you're actually interested, I can teach you some biofeedback exercised to learn how to do it. There's a Buddhist discipline called tummo which involves conscious control of the body's thermoregulation. To practice it, monks will strip themselves naked, wrap themselves in a wet blanket, then go sit in the snow to steam themselves dry.
>>
>>718558706
I know I know, I still WANT to, even though I NEED to keep my temperature up
>>
>>718558136
Film or stream yourself drinking a shitload of ipecac or some other emitic without vomiting for the next however many hours, you could make quite a bit of money as a modern day circus freak kinda person. Yeah it would be quite unpleasant but hey, at least it's better than being accused of lying on the internet.
>>
>>718557286
not scared about autoimmune diseases? better check that shit up
>>
>>718558785
Might still want to get them removed because they are often ignored or hard to clean and rot.
>>718558787
Same here man, it's great.
>>
>>718559078
well yeah, its kinda hard to clean it but still, i do
No way im going to remove just to be safe. if some problem emerge, dif story
>>
>>718554783
>revive bugs
bees, not useless.

>1 second superstrength
more than enough time to do a lot of useful things with it. it also says nothing about a cooldown.
>>
1 second super strength basically makes you the best fighter in the world. That's gotta be useful for something, you could make a fortune in fights and such.
>>
>>718554915
This. I can talk to something in my head and it answers, it even makes up a whole adventure for me to live out during psychosis. In a way it feels like being the super hero in your very own hyper immersive adventure game, so I'd say my superpower is having a home entertainment system up there in my brain, hard part is turning it off again.
>>
I can vomit at will. Helps when I want to get out of work/class.
>>
>>718554783
a lot of these aren't useless
even things like trash detection could help if you were a maid or something
>>
>>718559235
you'd still need training to time your use of the one second, but yes you could be a powerful fighter. unfortunately i don't think it would be a commercial success: people don't like to watch fights that end abruptly with a single strike; your promoters would want you to change it up and drop you when you couldn't.
>>
>>718554783
>Trash detection
I think I have that one since I detected this thread
>>
>>718554915
DID. instant friends.
>>
>>718559004
I'm not lying. I have... control issues. I also only shit once or twice a week for the same reason: I hate the idea that my body is telling me what to do, so I refuse to acknowledge its demands. Because I only piss once a day, my bladder has stretched to hold two litres.

I was in the hospital with a serious infection in my crotch and I hadn't pissed despite getting an ocean of saline pumped into my arm. The nurses kept asking me if I was having trouble urinating and I insisted I just didn't have to go. They wouldn't believe me and thought I was just trying to avoid a catheter, so they kept using an ultra-sound on my bladder -- and they were astounded as how much my bladder could hold. They said they'd never seen someone with a bladder so large. One of my proudest moments.
>>
>>718558900
Not the same poster but I saw that once on the discovery channel. At the time i was really into eastern mysticisim & meditated a lot. I started to practice it. One night it was unusually cold & was sleeping with my gf. I remember falling into a deep meditative/trance like state where i only focused on heat. The entire night we were over heated from the amount of heat i was able to produce. Only happened once tho. I havent been able to do it again.
>>
>>718554783

Sleep with my right eye wide open, it follows people around the room and sources of light. Result of several operations on a lazy eye tightening the muscle.
>>
>>718557286
That sounds like the sort of thing that would cause a lot of negative side effects. Like having too much of a certain enzyme or vitamin. Or at worst, you could wind up wirh blood cancer. Have you ever actually talked to a health professional about it?
>>
>>718554783
Hmmm my super powers are pretty useful.
>>
>>718559427 have you ever woken up from something stat startled you in your vision while already asleep?
>>
>>718557584
It's called a toilet.
>>
>>718559570
fuck off superman, you're an asshole
>>
>>718557685
>>718558900
Which reminds me, I don't fever. No matter what I'm sick with, my body doesn't respond with fever autonomously as it should. It did when I was a child, but I think it stopped at some point after I began playing with my autonomic functions >>718556948.

I have heard tibetan monks say the training is dangerous, not so much for the hardships they endure but that taking control of your body in this way has consequences and I think this might be one of them.
>>
>>718559590

Yeah I'm an extremely light sleeper so I pretty much wake up if someone even whispers to see if I'm awake, or if a source of light suddenly disappears because I've gotten used to seeing it whilst sleeping if that makes sense.
>>
>>718559351
This poast was useless. Lurk moar, newfag!
>>
>>718555376
>tfw you think you know a lot from science classes but end up looking like a fuckin idiot
>>
>>718555515
This. One second is long enough for a focused blow. Punch a hole through someone, and no one will fuck with you.
>>
>>718559381
That's not something to be proud of dipshit. Your brain doesn't tell you to do those things just for shits and giggles. It does it because those things are necessary to keep you alive. Ignoring them will lead to death.

Besides, your mind is also the source of the opposing thoughts, that are telling you not to do those things. So by NOT doing things your body needs you to do to survive you're STILL following your mind's orders. You're really not winning either way.
>>
>>718557584
I think you mean "yawn". And yeah, they're contagious.
>>
>>718555376
Would you like to learn how to control your heart rate consciously? I can teach you a technique which will give you complete control over your heartbeat in 30 minutes.
>>
>>718559954
yeah, that! thanks
they are contagious cause some mirror effect our brain have

>>718559972
>complete

i doubt but curious about what bullshit you gonna tell
>>
>>718559972
do it anon, show us the ways of the force
>>
>>718559972
Let me guess, your "technique" involves drinking bleach in order to lower your heart rate to zero permanently.

Or you're just gonna talk about breathing real slow or fast to slow or speed up the heart rate by a certain degree but that's not actually fully controlling the heartbeats.
>>
>>718554783
>invisibility in the dark
>useless
>implying agancies wouldnt want someone like that for nightops

Also

>reading your own mind
>access subconscience
>unlock brain to 100%
>become smartest human alive and invent tons of shit
>advance civilization 3000years in months
>useless

boi
>>
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>>718555074
Yes, how neet of you to point that out in a greentext. I think i saw a bottle cap lying around on the floor over in the corner, that nasty buisiness gotta go away, right fellas? |:oD
>>
>>718560428
you have a point, hmm
>>
>>718560118
>>718560145
>>718560325
Here's how you do it. No walk-the-dinosaur stuff. You'll need a thumb tack (the kind with the flat head) and a straw from a straw broom. Impale the straw end-on onto the tack so it sticks up vertically. Lie down on a flat surface and take your shirt off. Balance the tack on your breastbone so the straw sticks up in the air. Every time youe heart beats, the end of the straw should move slightly. Now just watch it for 30 minutes. At the end of that time, just will your heart to speed up and slow down and it will.

The reason this works is because of the phenomenon of biofeedback. All connections in the brain work in both directions. This is why, for example, when you force your face into a smile, it causes your brain to release feel-good chemicals. By watching the straw, you complete the feedback loop with your heartbeat.
>>
>>718557463
I cringed so hard i have no eyes anymore
>>
>>718559078
Well it's great when you can use that super power.

It's not so great when you haven't had sex in 5 years.
>>
>>718558456
I fugured it was some kind of strange "instinct". One of my coworkers that could sense me was a hapkido student. I rarely could get past him. Once i caught onto the boxers "routine" i was able to sneak up on him. Fun times at work.
>>
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>>718559317
Is this you?
>>
>>718556424
cant see shit now
>>
this
>>
>>718560428
That second one is already doable to a certain degree. It's not terribly difficult to access your subconscious and "read" the programming there, but it can't be done entirely on your own- you need an outside source for your brain to follow along with. Most commonly that source is a hypnotist, but that can be replaced with other sources, such as a prerecorded script made by somebody (you can even make it yourself but there are some drawbacks to that, mainly that the majority of people dislike hearing their own voice).

Accessing your subconscious through hypnotic trance can have some major limitations, however, particularly when you try to change your self-programming rather than just reading it. Every 'program' in your mind is connected to other programs and screwing around with one can have a sort of butterfly effect on all the connected programs. At the moment, and probably for the forseeable future, it's just a gamble whether reprogramming the mind in certain ways will have negative effects because of this.
>>
>>718555455
and here i am thinking i was the only one
>>
>>718560522
Seems unnecessarily complicated, why could one not just use a stethoscope to listen to the heart rather than attempting to balance an upright straw on your chest?
>>
The ability to sweat alot if it's just a little warm
>>
1 second super strength would be really useful.
>>
i can sneak around and being carefully not to make a sound
>>
>>718554783
1 second super strength would be useful actually
1 second is a pretty long time for reactions and events
If someone charges at you, and assuming that strength is enough to lift a car, you could time it right and launch them
It's all about learning how to use it
Levitation would be useful for sneaking around as you wouldn't leave tracks
Invisibility in the dark is still invisibility and again, sneaking and avoid detection from night vision
Desaturation, blend into darkness and don't even need a suit for sneaking
>>
>>718562058
Do you have a stethoscope lying around? A lot more people have a fucking tack and a straw broom than have stethoscopes.
>>
>>718557286
>Useless
That's not useless
That's pretty effective
Maybe not at stopping crime, but it's pretty cool
>>
I usually go 2 weeks in between showers, only because of my hair. I can go up to 1 month and no body knows the difference including myself. I also work outdoors, slightly hard labor. Dealing and interacting with people. Longest I've went was 6 months, no smell, no funk. When shtf This will kill and mentally destroy people, not me : )
>>
>>718559361

One second is ALOT for a martial artist
>>
I have Autism.
>>
>>718559284
My girlfriend sees people when she gets lonely. One stands in her doorway, she says he's really nice, and another under her bed. He grabs her ankles to scare her, then apologizes.
>>
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Super bendy fingers. Also kinda a bad pick since I had to press camera button with nose. But it goes all the way to the back of my hand.
>>
>>718560428
I wish the 100% brain meme would die.
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