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retard stories thread mine: >be me >be in 6th grade >be

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 86
Thread images: 6

File: cure autism.png (1MB, 1182x956px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
cure autism.png
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retard stories thread

mine:
>be me
>be in 6th grade
>be 2009
>there is this autistic kid named Lennon (his real name, no lie)
>he is clearly autistic, but he denies it
>he is annoying
>in P.E. one day he starts rolling around on the floor and hisses when people get close to him
>he continued to do this for the rest of the year
>a few days after he started, the coach stopped caring and started ignoring him
>he got away with rolling around for an hour a day because of this, I fucking hate him
>one day, he got an iPhone 3
>the school gave out free internet to people with phones
>that day, he started dancing
>we got closer, he was dancing to video game music...
>the way he was dancing is so AUTISTIC
>he was head banging to the video game music
>clenching his hands with beat drops and flailing his arms
>he also continued to do this for the rest of the year
>one day, a group of girls started recording this display of autism
>he noticed them
>and they were laughing
>he noticed that too
>instantly, autistic rage mode activated
>he screamed "STOP LAUUUUGHING! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DANCE TO MUSIC TOOOO! I AM A PERSON!"
>no he isn't, kek
>people with autism aren't people
>people started making fun of him to his face at that point, it originally was behind his back
>I joined in this fun
>I started fucking burn his retarded ass
>I stated that him and his 3 chromosomes need to leave and never come back
>autistic rage mode x100 activated
>he got so pissed he started crying and his face was red as a tomato
>he started screaming so loud, and at one point he has nothing to say and started screaming random syllables
>he ran away and started bawling
>ultimatekek.jpg
>people made fun of him so much he went all school shooter one day
>he snapped at the teacher when he got caught trying to talk to someone while the teacher was teaching (the person didn't wanna talk to him, he has 0 friends)
>teacher started yelling at him
>wtfareyoudoingnigger.mp4
character limit reached, i'll cont.
>>
>>717712809
>i'll cont.
don't
>>
>>717712809
Don't bother continuing. This story fucking sucks and you're an edgy faggot.
>>
>>717713043
Yeah unless it ends in a funny way this seems like a pointless story
>>
File: ask me that again.png (231KB, 304x366px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>717712809
>Lennon goes full autist and screams at teacher
>Lennon calls teacher a bitch
>teacher says "that's it, to the principle's office, you are DONE"
>Lennon starts fucking bawling, and I hear him mumble while crying "OH NO, I AM GONNA GET EXPELLED AND MY MOM IS GONNA BEAT ME SOME MORE!"
>after hearing that his mom beats him I started fucking cracking up
>I get in trouble and teacher yells "THAT'S NOT FUNNY"
>I got in more trouble than Lennon did
>fml
>mfw

>>717713043
>>717713090
>>717713130
This story did end pretty funny, it was funny to me. Everything except for the part where I GOT IN MORE TROUBLE THAN THE AUTISTIC KID.
>>
>>717713347
Sounds like you're the autistic kid here. I assume it was one of those "you had to be there" stories.

Sorry OP, eat a bag of dicks.
>>
>>717712809
Please cont, very interested now
>>
bump, my turn:

>be at friend's house
>friend has autistic sibling
>autistic sibling is bigger than me
>tackles me
>ohfuck.webm
>I hit friend's sibling
>sibling has black eye
>friend unfriends me
>rumor gets spread I beat retarded people

My story is short and sucky. Still better than OP's.
>>
>>717713686
Well atleast it has violence against morons in it. 6.5/10
>>
Your story sucks, but I want more stories, so BUMP.
>>
>>717713531
Yeah it does seem like op is the real retard at hand..
>>
>>717713970
>>717713531
How the fuck am I retarded?
>>
I had a principle with down syndrome in Elementary School.
>>
>>717713347
you're the autist here op. fuck off
>>
>>717714030
I always figured it would be a confusing day if you were retarded but no one ever pointed it out, but we're just smart enough to realize the truth when people finally tell you.
>>
>>717714192
this
>>
>>717714030
First impressions are made pretty quick.

>Everything except for the part where (autism kicks in here) I GOT IN MORE TROUBLE THAN THE AUTISTIC KID.

Well, at least you used proper spelling.
>>
>>717714176
>>717714192
just tell me how I act autistic.
>>
>>717713531
>Sorry OP
Dear god, what happened to 4chan...
>>
>>717713347
Your story is shit go kill yourself
>>
>be tard guard
>wiped one of my dudes nose yesterday
>got a booger on my hand :/
>>
Too many people found out about it
>>
>>717714377
your dubs are shit, go drink bleach
>>
>>717712809
>6th grade
>2009

jesus fucking christ no wonder this story is so unfunny.
>>
>>717713347
Worst story ever. Jesus Christ.
>>
>>717714447
Too bad you missed the quad asshole
>>
>>717714444
ckecked and kek'd
>>
>>717714548
>>717714377
>>717714176
>>717713970
>>717713531

All the same person, why don't you make some friends if you're gonna bully someone. Unless, you can't get friends that are fat. greasy and like as much anime.
>>
>>717712809
Autism and retardation are different mental inflictions.
In this story about autism, OP has made it clear he's retarded.
>>
>>717712809
CTR psyops

they are afraid, so they literally turn to elementary made up stories.

still a virgin op? you might get laid if you relax your age and gender standards
>>
>>717714297
well for one, this reply is autistic af
>>
>>717714674
Op just kill yourself. I bet you're telling this story from the perspective of the people who bullied you, you autistic fucktard
>>
>>717714674
OP doesn't believe that his story is trash
>>
>>717714803
I know my story is trash, but I recognize that they are all your posts.
>>
>>717714674
Nope. Just the one
>>
>>717713347
I tank you were the autist
>>
>>717714674
717714377 here. Unless my schizophrenia has gotten worse, not the same person as the other posts. So fuck you.
>>
>>717714674
ay that's the second autistic reply, just stop retard.
come back when you have taken some meds or smthg
>>
>>717714952
OH LOOK, we got a special snowflake schizo, should we be nice to you? You think shit that is fake is real? You hear voices in your head? Good for you, kill yourself, you aren't normal. Anyone with any mental issues should kill themselves, they aren't normal. You will never be normal, I doubt your meds are perfect.
>>
>>717713347
>6th grade.
>2009

You are not old enough to be on this site.
>>
>>717715298
>Anyone with any mental issues should kill themselves
How are you still alive, dipshit?
>>
>>717712809
op is a retard
>>
>>717715298
Damn dude, be careful not to cut yourself with all that edge.
>>
>>717715575
The guy is about 19. How is he not old enough to be on 4chan? This is a site for teenagers
>>
>>717715298
hey OP, I know you got butthurt by all the mean comments.
We know you hate your autism and this is your autistic way of fighting it.
just go to your safe-space and take your meds, autism isn't the end friendo. You can still live a somewhat happy life. Godspeed Op, I hope your autism will be cured one day.
>>
>>717716002
You can already buy the cure for autism. I heard that you can just buy it at Walmart when you're an amerifat
>>
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>>717715298
stop posting newfag
>>
>>717716002
Fuck you
>>
>>717712809
YEAH IF i SEEN THIS i WOULD HAVE RAPED THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE CHICKS AND YOU FOR MAKING FUN OF A RETARD. BE ON THE LOOK OUT KID, YOU GONNA GET RAPED.
>>
>>717712809
My retard story:
>be me
>see tard thread on /b/, come for some laughs
>OP posts a long, pointless, and unfunny story
>written with the skills of a D+ average 6th grader
>OP shows obvious signs of low intelligence
>thread now has an actual tard story, starring OP
>>
>>717716956
That one is actually good
>>
>>717715982
OP is old enough based on that, but his wranglers probably wouldn't want him on here.
>>
>>717716956
I wonder where you find inspiration for such stories
>>
>>717717127
PROB FROM A SHITTY HUMAN FUTURE RAPE VICTIM
>>
>>717716938
>>717717331
Why do you write iN ALL CA- OH MY GOD THIS SHIT IS CONTAGIOUS
>>
>retard story (no pun intended)
> OP retard as fuck
>can't recognize the diff between autism and down syndrome.
>that makes me feel like hating the world even more.
>fuck off
>>
>>717717557
I don'T FeEL I- OH, THERE IT GOES
>>
>>717712809
>be op
>be 19
>have no life experience
>write a dumbass story to get some attention

Relax, kiddo. You may still be living the neet life but high school is over. It's time to grow up.
>>
>>717713347
You getting in trouble was the best part. Grats on being a bully that caught shit for it, 17-year old edgemaster.
>>
>>717712809
Holy fuck that was cringe. Not the kid in your story, but you OP.

There was no funny turn of events there. There was no clever ruse. It was just some dweeb acting weird and another dweeb acting edgy about it.

Where it starts to get sad is that you do not understand the difference between satire and just insulting someone. It's the main reason your joke misfired. The saddest part is you probably never will, and that may actually distinguish you from Lennon, weird as he may be.
>>
>>717715680
His mental retardation makes purposefully killing himself too complicated of a task.

More likely to die from walking into traffic or drinking a bottle of laundry detergent.
>>
>>717712809
OP I really wish I knew you in real life so I could throw a frying pan at your fucking head
>>
>>717718301
The reason the joke misfired is that it's too long, cringy, and doesn't have an ending. Just insulting someone is fun. Your interpretation is lame, and you are an asshole
>>
>>717718652
If you're clever about it. That's where the satire comes in. You basically just rephrased what I said. Also suck my dick, you cumdrooling faggot.
>>
>>717718448
Beating a retard because he made an unfunny joke about beating a retard
>>
>>717718301
OP is likely to have the high point of his career somewhere below being a janitor after failing to get his GED for the 2nd time.

10 years from now Lennon will have used his autism to get a useful degree and end up as OP's boss.

OP will literally be cleaning Lennon's shit for a living.
>>
tl;dr you guys are all fucking autistic
>>
>>717712809
>REMINDER TO SAGE
REMINDER TO SAGE
>REMINDER TO SAGE
REMINDER TO SAGE
>REMINDER TO SAGE
REMINDER TO SAGE
>REMINDER TO SAGE
REMINDER TO SAGE
>REMINDER TO SAGE
>>
>>717717815
wow, you guys are sucH -WU- OH MY GOD I CAN'T STOP
>>
>>717713347
You are the fucking tard you dipshit. OP is a faggot as usual.
>>
>>717713347
lemme bust in that ass real quick white boy
>>
Hey OP i found this story funny.
Maybe because I'm still in school and I haven't made the full transition to the bitter self loathing fat virgin writhing weaboo creatures on /b/.
Keep ya head up.
>>
>>717720339
t. edgy 15 year old with a micropenis bragging about how he can insult someone and not be funny at the same time
>>
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>>717712809
>be op
>mfw
>i wanna die
>please end my fucking misery
>implying
>i want to be an hero
>mfw


i have autismo
>>
>>717718652
Oh shit I never knew that all the greasy penny sniffing jew comedy writers from the writers guild had congregated on /b/. Don't critique comedy you man boobed fuck.
>>
>>717720570
Ahahhahahha thank u, newfag.
>>
>>717714892
I can assure you they're not all his posts.
Nice coping mechanism, you piece of shit
>>
>>717720829
too much burr influence, I hope you dont say that shit at open mics.
>>
>>717720339
Hey OP don't listen to them! They pick on me for my diabetes, autism, and how often I cry. I still think your cool!

>>717715982
You're thinking about tumblr.
Do you need help finding it?
>>
>>717721641
I love bill burr ahahhah, I'm just a 16 year old high school senior from London. I'll take that as a compliment.
>>
>>717712809
You sound like a cunt
>>
>>717712809
An actual tard story:

≻ Be in 8th grade
≻ Be standing in line for lunch, a huge line snaking around the cafeteria
≻ I'm standing next to the tard's table -- 8 tards and 2 wranglers eating lunch
≻ I'm in exactly the right spot to see something worrisome...
≻ ...some brown liquid seeping down a fat tard girl's leg
≻ The brown liquid is now pooling on the floor under the retard table
≻ Then suddenly comes a horrid overpowering stench
≻ One wrangler stands up and starts looking around, WTF style
≻ He can't see under the table like I can, so he's clueless
≻ People in line start coughing and choking, like a nerve gas attack
≻ The fat tard girl is unaffected by the stench -- she keeps eating lunch
≻ The stench makes some students start fleeing the line, chaos reigns
≻ Thank god I get to move quickly up in line now, away from the stench
≻ A girl eating lunch next to the tard table pukes from the stench
≻ Various cafeteria personnel now arrive on the scene
≻ Nobody knows WTF to do
≻ I have the knowledge of the cause, but I keep it to myself...
≻ ...because I have no intention of going back to that stench to tell them
≻ The wranglers finally locate the cause
≻ They escort the fat tard girl out the door...
≻ ...her whole lower half steeped in brown liquid...
≻ ...leaving a brown trail on the floor as they go
≻ I see the fat tard girl's face...
≻ ...with a calm smile, still contentedly munching on food
>>
>be in 6th grade
>be 2009

fuck off
>>
trashest fucking story I've seen in this board
>>
>>717722539

You fuck!

>Not knowing how to greentext...
>>
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>>717722539
>mfw OP is fat turd tard girl
Thread posts: 86
Thread images: 6



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