come on, let's see if any legit interesting people are around

>>717508297
>ive witnessed two murders
>ive been in 4 high speed car crashes
>ive worked in 4 different countries
>ive had sex with multiple partners of both genders without ever having worn a condom and have never contracted an sti
>i have over dosed on heroin and morphine multiple times and have suffered no brain damage or serious liver damage

Did 5 years in prison for Possession of Sch II for resale because my best friend who had his own reality show on A&E called Big Smo set me up in a hotel parking lot.

>>717509086
what kind of work?

>>717509495
none destructive testing for applus rtd

pimped my crackhead ex out

>>717509708
What do you do in that kind of job? How do you get it?

>im a skeleton

>>717508297
I created the 'troll face' picture. By created I mean I drew the first comic in which it was used, with the stoner hiding from the cops in the fridge.

I've always been weirdly proud of how it took off, yet angry with how 'normied' it has become.

>>717508297
I only fap to traps ironically

>>717510271
skelly leave plz

>>717508297
I am sexually attracted to cars.

>>717510291
post the pic?

>>717510291
Big fan.

>>717510271
3 spooky 5 me plz go

>>717510291
but you didnt create the face?

I fucked Moot.

>>717510548
I don't have it on this computer, sadly.

>>717510804
whats your name sir?

I testified in the US Senate once

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>>717510804
repost your nudes, pl0x

>once stole a whole shelf of watches from a store that each sold for ~$150
>fucked my two cousins (sisters) on the same day, in the same house when I was 17

>>717508297
I have circumnavigated the world and have never been a member of any navy

I jumped off a bridge to prove it wasn't high
I lived with minor injuries

>>717510062
the type of work i do most concerns pipelines. we use a variety of different tools to access the amount of damage done to the line from trauma or just aging. i got the job by doing the required courses and hours of training through BCIT, i had a few contacts at RTD from when i worked on the pipelines in northern alberta.

>>717510531
You and every man

>>717508297

I participated in the 2000 G8 Summit in Okinawa Japan, and I saw President Clinton speak to the Okinawan people about the US presence on the island.

I also saw Vladimir Putin judo throw a high school student during that same week at a demo. He was in a full business suit.

>>717508297
In High-School, I organized and setup a book drive for a Native American reservation who built a new library but were having trouble filling it with books. I wanted to do something good for some people, figured I would get a hundred books or so. I dedicated my efforts, really pushed and organized, one thing led to another and before I know it I was organizing a multi-town effort or collections and donations over the period of a month. Ended up with over 6000 books, had to all be drove up multiple U-Halls. I have one of the small wings in the library dedicated to me, very few people know about my involvement other than my parents, and a couple friends. Not to sound like a faggot, but I never really found the need to tell people and wanted to keep it my involvement low-key. One of the prouder things I've done in my life.

>>717508297
i can actually see dead people and no not bruce willis

>>717511480
I wonder how many attempts the res-niggers tried to make those books into alcohol before they succeeded

My father escaped Iran on motorbike after his parents, brothers, grandparents were persecuted for religion.

I once masturbated in a GCSE exam which is an important exam you take when you are 16 here in the UK. I was sat on the back row and stroked my dick through my pocket to cum and it was one of the best orgasms I've ever had. Took so long to get there because the room was deathly silent and there was about 200 people sitting in front of me but it was well worth it. It made a mess in my trousers but luckily I had a large blazer on that could hide it. I just hope no one smelled it.

I legitimately am going to kill myself on Sunday.

>>717511830
Which religion?

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>>717508297
I've been hit by 3 cars, shot once, I shook hands with Mike Tyson, and I once stopped a rape in progress by throwing snowballs at the fucker and then chasing him a block and a half while simultaneously stripping my clothes off and drunkenly yelling "It's your turn, dirtbag!"

Needless to say, he got away and I got to smash on a rape victim. Consentually, of course. I may be unstoppable, but I am, and will always be, a gentleman.

>>717511935
But why anon?

>>717512047
Baha'i.

>>717508297
I didn't ejaculate, not even once, until I was 18. Since then I've fucked 30+ girls and I'm 27

>>717508297
I love fapping to furries. Mainly sharks wth big butts.

I'm a millionaire. I'm sitting on a 4000 dollar couch and typing on a 2000 dollar laptop.

>>717512360
pics?

>>717509086
Literally none of those are outrageous or ridiculous. When you're a degenerate heroin addict, it would be outrageous or ridiculous if you didn't witness any murders, been on any car crashes or fucked a bunch of people. Try again.

>>717512360

how did you make your fortune?

>>717512076
When I was that age I used to enjoy jerking off in strange and risky places. I used to do it in class pretty regularly before I could actually jizz anything, I used to just like itch the end of my cock through my blazer pocket. Thinking back it was really fucked up but hey, we all do weird things as kids, right?

I met an hero.
>4chan has stopped working

I sexually harassed a middle aged woman via text message when I was 11.

>>717512360
you think you're better than me?

>>717512360
My laptop is worth 9k. Mainly because nuka-cola.

> I'm a stripper
> I'm also a high-end courtesan
> I earn $1000+/day
> I have threesomes a few times a week
> I'm actually a lesbian, men are only good for clients
> I actually love my job
> I don't drink alcohol or use drugs at all
> I'll be able to retire comfortably by the time I'm 40

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>>717512715

Drunk me decided to steal some retard's motorbike, jump off the motorbike right before i crashed it, roll around on the road for a bit, call a drunk friend to pick me up and got home just fine

>>717512865
pics of your pussy or it didnt happen

>>717512715
you did good son

>>717512443
>>717512394
Nah: Revealing information like that online is just asking for trouble.
>>717512360
Yeah, but that's not exactly a high bar, anon.

>Be me
>work in fast food
>fix computers on the side
>mfw someone traded me a Mac Pro with dual Xeon and 24GB RAM to fix their shitty iMac
>alrightsure
Probably the only interesting thing I've ever had happen to me.

>>717512049
Oh my god I hope you're not kidding

>>717512865
are you educated?

does your family or friends know?

>>717511339
Tru

>>717512942
Pay me or fuck off. I didn't get where I am by giving it away. Also, you have completely missed the point of this thread. I don't care if anyone believes me.

>>717512443
Probably inherited it. If he actually earned it through hard work he wouldn't be on 4chan in the first place.

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Hey loves.
Wanna add a pornstar on social media?
Well here
Kik, snapchat, Tumblr, instagram: liaaustin95
Latina, petite, teen
;)

I had to go to summer school all 3 summers between grades even though I never failed a class!

>>717508297
>ive wrecked 2 motorcycles doing triple digits with no bodly damage besides bruises
>only ever had 1 real relationship
>never had a real job for more then a week
>I turn to stealing for income because its just easier for me.
>I am white

>>717513321
Fuck you and your social media..

>>717513321
Wow that was supposed to be a thread itself. But in case you can't tell I do porn
>.>

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>>717511948

>>717511773
Never seen a Native American on Moonshiners.

>>717513167
email?

>>717512076
Because autism.

>>717512360
Is the fact that you can spend six grand meant to be impressive? Why not just say you're a millionaire.

>>717513511
Yeah, No one gives a fuck.. every desperate, talentless cunt with a decent pair of tits is a pornstar now..

>>717513143
I am very well educated. I wanted to be a doctor, lol. I couldn't afford medical school. By the time I had enough money doing adult entertainment, I realized I was content where I am. No, my friends don't know, nobody understands the reality of being a sex worker, it's not at all like the stigma... and it's easiest not to answer their questions. I don't have any family.

>>717508297
>im a professional hacker
>can type over 2.5 words a second or 150wordsPerMinute
>Make over 200 Dollars a day doing HacksForHire and selling shit to other hackers
>Have pending job offer for top tier networking company
>am only 24

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I once used my knowledge of Magic: The Gathering to pickup this slut

>>717513789
yeah but did u ever hack any interesting nudes?

I was Vice President of an European Federation

I set a firework off up my butt and now I have to shit through a tube... I can't afford a carer because then I couldn't afford food, I guess I could eat my carer... Hope trump doesnt get rid of all the undocumented immigrants...

>>717509364
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Smo

>>717513782
so what does your social media portray you as? what do your friends and family think you do for money?

>>717513779
L
O
L

>>717513434
>"only ever had 1 real relationship, never had a real job for more then a week, I turn to stealing for income because its just easier for me."
>outrageous, ridiculous claims

Pick one, faggot. Did you forget you're on /b/?

me and my sister touched each other when we were little

>be me
>posts on thread on things about myself that are actually true but people would never believe if I told them
>predictably gets told to prove it
>someone has totally missed the entire point of this thread

>>717513969
In a way.
When I heard that my former highschool would be doing all future yearbooks digitally as well, i went back and found a vuln in their website, which lead directly to the emails of some of girls i used to go to school with. Some of them ironically still had the same password (highschool was almost 6 years ago for me)
Some of the emails hadnt been touched mind you in years but i still managed to find some nudes and juicy personal information on some golden girls.

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>>717514193
*ILLEGAL

>>717510531
That's not so bad, I'm sexually aroused by farts. My own and my partners

Jammed with Eddie VanHalen.
Played Ritchie Blackmore's guitar.

I rode a Harley from the east coast to the west coast and back. Took me a month and a half with sight-seeing and shit.

Inb4
>fag

I know already. Idc.

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>mfw nothing outrageous about me

>>717514509
Do you like fart juggling?

>>717510291
I've seen people claim this shit before on the 4chan. That or you're a fairly active user

>>717514573
Not that unbelievable...
I know a handful of people who did that

I've shot dope, crack, flakka, ate zannies, ended up, with cops in my face with guns, walked for,hours, slept on a park bench, got punched in the face and thought I walked into a wall. Umm, bought the crack and heron from some nig and then he stole,my money. Niggers are niggers no matter what

>>717512155
haha, Baha'i is stupid, tell them to go turn themselves in

>>717512360
lemme a couple of quid?

Got a blowjob from a male counselor at boyscout camp.

>>717514694
Prove it or it didn't happen

>>717514453
how can you hack an e-mail password, is it hard?

>>717514573
Thats not that unreasonable. Jelly about the actual ride, but not that ride bruh.
Actually some of the standard modernish harleys are okay.jpg.

>I built a fusion reactor before/at age 18
>then become a world class junkie
>just normie now

I hate to think high school was my glory days, fuck that

>>717514694
And, you , use a retarded,,numbe,r of commas,,so its believable,,,your drug reta,rded

>>717514569
Prove it or it didn't happen

>>717514573
Prove it or it didn't happen

I jumped out of an airplane once and hit the ground at god knows how fast. I mean i dont really have a viable way of measuring how far i was when my parachute fucked up or how fast i was going but I landed somewhere over the coast of ireland in a big meadow. That was 8 years ago. Originally intended on it being a sky diving trip

>>717514453
post em

>>717510291
Huge fan

>>717508297
I'm adopted and my adopted mother is 83 years old with alzheimer's. I'm 19.

I fucked so many women, I lost count.

>>717514909
Alas, normies are called normies because that's the way most of us end up..

>>717514619
this

>>717508297
My last three girlfriends all confessed to being ex cult members. I honestly do t know why this keeps happening to me

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>>717513107
Why would you question my integrity

>>717515318
what cult

>>717510989
What about

>>717515043
It isn't really all that far fetched is it? Maybe a little unbelievable but it wasn't something I decided to do overnight. I worked for a year after college as a machinist and lived at home to save up the money. I have tons of pics but obviously not posting them on this retarded ass site.

>>717512428
This, my cousin's a junky. He does that kind of shit.

>>717514609
No. Usually people ask "do you like anal sex?" and the answer is yes, but only because of the smell.

>>717515318
Is this confession the reason they are now exes? You're probably attracted to ex cult members.

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>>717508297
>I've come face to face with North Korean soldiers
>I've fucked over 30 prostitutes
>I've lost so much weight, that my body won't lose any more without risking serious injury
>I've been abducted by aliens twice
First the Reptilians, then the Pleiadians

>>717515318
Maybe you just like crazy bitches.

>>717512428
This.

That poster should stop the heroin and take up meth if he wants to see some really crazy shit.

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>>717513835
Yea, but... I feel like I could pick her up with my knowledge about aerospace engineering.

And I don't know jack shit about aerospace engineering

I can understand a persons drive and spirit after a few moments with them.
During my life, everytine, I have been right in my assesments of the people around me and have accurately predicted their actions.
I can make my friends with all and none, I could get any woman I want but Im a virgin.
My father taught me how to use weakness in others, and my mother showed me how to make others vulnerable to me.
I want to die, for I am everyones friend and no ones, I know secrets of all friends around me but they know nothing of me.
I want to die.
I want to die.

>>717515559
tell more about abductions

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>>717515318
you look like this, dont you?

>>717512360
>$2000 laptop

Buddy I got a mid-tier MacBook Pro too. Calm down.

>>717515688
you mean you are suffering from severe autism

I have a street named after me in my home town

>>717515559
Fake as shit.
Korea doesn't have the resources to send troops out of Korea

>>717514908
Theres no magical way to just "hack" an email.

Hacking is all about knowing where information is stored, and how to get to it.

However, a lot of people are stupid, and have the same password for almost everything.

For example, you might be able to find someone you know on facebook, and they have their email posted somewhere. From there you google that email address and find other websites or media they are connected to.
Lets say for the sake of argument they're registered on some shitty forum website.
Many forums like ipBoard, vBulletin, etc, all share common consistent and similar vulnerabilities. This means even two totally different websites with the same forum software might be vulnerable to the same method of exploitation. From there, you could get in, find the users information, and see if its duplicated anywhere else.

Its a long and painful process sometimes. This is called doxing.

Im sharing of course from personal experience. I have a few good methods i suppose you could call them. I often post fake websites with some fake video for my friends on facebook, but what happens is when they click on it, anyone whos not using an updated version of flash gets infected with a little browser injection.
None of my friends on facebook know about this.

>Tl;dr, you dont just "hack" it. You have to find it from somewhere.

>>717515374
4chan that's why
I want to believe but I can't

>>717515800
>$4000 couch
I got a $4000 computer these points are invalid

>im 25
>all three of the girls I've dated since I turned 23 have had their houses burn down within a month of dating me
>people think it was me
>had nothing to do with it, all causes of fires have been solved and all were accidents
>literally have no clue why this is happening to me
>people think I'm a pyro.

>>717509708
My dad worked there before. Cool shit.

>>717514694
What's flakka like?

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>>717515688

>>717515688
Look, i am smarter than you. Don't take my word for it.
The solution to all your problems is a stable relationship. Go get a good girl and stick with her.

>>717508297
I sold the costume designer for the new Stephen King movie "It" the keys that will be featured on the main characters necklace..

thats the most interesting thing that happened in 2016

>>717513835
I will never believe you

I posted CP on here around 8 years ago from my dads computer, about 24 hours after calling the cops on him to get him sent to jail for Child Pornography.

>>717515860
A fucking degenerate uninspired lazy fraud of a man, thats both you and me.
Im no autist, just genuinly on the brink of ending it, that gives me yhe luxury of typing in "autistic" ways

>>717515949
Should've added
>I'm a little on the slow side

It was your ex

>I run guns to conflict zones
>Have called hits on certain groups with my people

>>717512360
Too bad the 15000 dollar watch I'm wearing right now is worth more than double those things combined. Let's not even get into my 5 other watches.

>>717515917
Thank you for your thorough response.

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>>717514977
>Prove it or it didn't happen
Still got Ritchie's pick.

I made a half court shot once

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>>717515694
The first time, I 'woke up' during and saw myself getting probed by them. I woke up with ass pains as if something fairly large had been inserted in there. The second time, I wasn't probed, but I woke up on top of my blankets and facing the opposite direction. It was shortly before dawn. I looked out of my window and saw a VERY bright object briefly in the sky before it disappeared.

>>717515916
See pic related
>OC

>>717514569
I once sang with Lemmy Kilmister. It was at a bar after a Motorhead show and everybody was drunk as fuck

>>717510325
>oh yeah...ill *Totally* cumming

>>717509364

bedford cty?

>>717516230
She moved back to her home state, about 600 miles away, have been in contact with her for our divorce. Wasn't her.

And like I said the fires have been solved, one was a car battery that exploded while on charge, one was electrical, and the other was a dumbass pouring water into a grease fire.

>>717515590
I take what I can get

>>717516304
You need to get a life.

>>717515916
You can just visit North Korea and see the soldiers, you retard.

>>717512360
>spends $4000 on a couch
>only spends $2000 on a computer

the fuck is wrong with you?

I once stole a cookie from the cookie jar.

There's literally nothing wrong with being Jewish.

>>717516304
how make money pls help
I'm joking of course, with my foul-play grammar - How can someone make much money fast?

>>717516829
savage

>>717515253
I just meant normie lifestyle. I should/could have been so much more. I should be making 6 figures and have 2-4 degrees. But instead I fix PCs for bankers and shit, live in a tiny apartment, and have a fat ugly gf that I don't like fucking.

>>717516845
Bottoming in a bestiality scene should get you a good rate per movie.

>>717515916
Yeah because it's not like you can't just go to Korea yourself and see them or anything.

>>717516419
You probably got assraped by niggers who drugged you

>>717513782
SW.com?

Were you bragging there in '13?

>>717513083

>Revealing information like that online is just asking for trouble.

>Reveal I am Donal Trump

>Nothing would happen

Who cares, just tell us. Be as vague as you want, you're not going to be found out.

>>717508297
I was a walker in the first episode of The Walking Dead. Andrew Lincoln shook my hand. I had no idea who he was at the time.

>>717514297
What do you want to know?

Ill give ya a protip. Never steal from poor people. They are more likely to defend their shit.

Never steal like a nigger either. Meaning no hold ups or armed robbery.

>>717516449
>I once sang with Lemmy Kilmister.
Cool!!
Met him once backstage at a show (Briefly).

>>717508297
I have been shot twice, once in the head, stabbed, hit with a cinder block in the face, beat with a baseball bat, beat with a hammer, crashed a street bike in an alleyway going about 135mph and only dislocated my elbow, crashed a car off a cliff and rolled 18 times just 10 feet from a small river and didn't get a scratch, shot a nail through my hand doing framing, the skin on my knuckles is fused to the bones because of punching a kid in the face who had braces, shot 15 rounds into a house full of people because one of the shot bear mace at me. I'm only 27 years old, and last but not least, pointed a loaded gun at a group of cops standing outside my door and got away with probation. Wew lad.

I developed and deployed the first online credit card processing site in Canada.

>>717516304
>2016
>still using watches

damn nigga your rich ass never heard of smartphones, tablets, digital clocks in cars, etc.?

You got a pager too you fucking faggot?

I voted for Hillary

>>717516419
So you visited the DMZ, big deal.

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>>717516829

>>717508297

A guy once tried to mug with with a knife, I took the knife away from him, kicked his ass and dropped him in a dumpster.

>>717516832
I was the original poster of that.
I was really high, had just started smoking weed and thought I was being funny.
It was never that funny

>>717516185
Create music. You'll find relief there, I promise you. Live your life for the well-being of human kind.

>>717517059

you're pretty shitty at killing yourself

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>>717516994
I don't do drugs and I lived in a mostly white area/neighborhood.

>>717517121
And came face to face with North Korean troops (not actors), which is more than what most of anyone else in here can say they've done. You people like to talk of North Korea, but you've yet to see it with your own eyes and I doubt most of you could even locate it on an unmarked map.
>most, not all

>>717515379
First one was with some creepy pastor's doomsday cult since she was three cause of her parents

Second was an ex moonie

Third got expelled from high school after she started a cult around some made up alternate reality where they were all elves or something because one of the members thought that becoming an hero would reincarnate her as her elfsona. Didn't go through with it but spilled the beans and ratted my ex out.

>>717517059
>when life is just begging you to kill your worthless self
>dropping hints literally left and right
>but too retarded to just an hero so continue to live a shitty stress-filled existence
>contributing literally nothing to the world

>>717517100
>smartphone as watch
>being in your car 24/7
>tablet as timepiece
Either too much money or absolutely retarded.

I've had the same digital watch since 1988, and it was only $20 way back when. Your point is completely invalid.

>>717517150
>no tabs
That's the funny part though

I once beat a platoon of Navy Seals in a swim race at Ft. Sherman, Panama - the old home of the jungle warfare training center.

>>717515715
Nah I shaved

>>717508297
Girls sneezing makes me rock hard and it has since I was little

>>717515559
>I've been abducted by aliens twice
Unless you're talking about Mexicans, it's definitely not 100% true.

I was once investigated for war crimes, but found not guilty.

>>717517537
My fucking sides

>>717515688
Make friends with a journalist. Trust me

>>717517584
What was the charge?

I work at a McDonald's and once put my cum in some old faggots burger.

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>>717517556
>it's definitely not 100% true
alright, keep thinking that.

>>717517365

lived in seoul for three years, took the shitty DMZ tour, was a tourist trap, you're not special

>> AMA

>>717511480
Eagle scout?

I invented the questionmark
Also I held the world ransom for money a few times
Also I have been to space

>>717517617
Dude I'm dead serious, I have no clue why but I'll be damned if I didn't just fap to it 5 minutes ago.

>>717517093
Wow. That's admirable. I'll bet you've had a great career.

I actually caused Hillary Clinton to lose the election.

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>>717516419

>>717517417
the point is youre literally surrounded by clocks all the time why the fuck do you need a watch? you dont have to be in a car 24/7 but the average person spends a decent amount of time driving around. theres clocks in literally every store you go into. theres clocks fucking everywhere. wearing a watch is fucking retarded in a day and age where everywhere you look you can see the fucking time. your phone, your car, your other internet devices, cameras... even banks and other businesses have clocks displayed in public sometimes. timestamps on receipts, etc.

you can look at your phone just as easily as looking at your wrist.

only hipster joke faggots wear watches. and autistic children.

>>717515518
Nah. I guess I can just put up with people talking to me good so I usually get their dirt really easy. I guess ex cult members get really horny after they get their fucked up pasts off their chests.

>>717517776
justin timberlake?

>>717512155
Baha'i is fuckin cool.

>>717508297
>I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams... glitter in the dark near the Tannhouser Gate.
All those... moments will be lost...
in time... like tears... in rain.
Time... to die

>>717508297
I'm a lesbian

I went to juvi for child pornography...

>>717508297
I was once under investigation by a major metropolitan organized crime division of police. They couldn't find anything and I was not charged.

>>717512428
that's a good point. Anon said it in reverse and I didn't make the connection... fuck... it was RIGHT there too.

was in a metal band, in prison for 5 more years trying to hire a hit man to kill my wife.

>>717517878
Isn't that the one where you jack off together and no women are allowrd

My penis is small, and i mean very small. Women and men have weeped in tears of joy and pain at the very tininess of by basement snake. I have cried many times looking down at it in the shower and when i am in my apartment alone. Like seriously it is inverted inward, and when/if i pop a bone the head just sticks out like an ingrown tumor. I am a great guy, I work hard, i am nice to everyone, i get good grades in my college courses, but since that stupid fucking class whore Samantha told everyone about the puny, wimpy, pathetic, carpet worm on my body ive been ruined socially. I only have 4 friends now and they all know about my curse and they make fun of me for it all the time. They have all asked if they could see it and they werent joking. Fuck Samantha, Fuck them, and fuck my parents for bringing a hideously deformed child in this cruel world. Its as if my testosterone pumped and pumped everywhere except my crotch. A friend of samanthas once asked if i can fuck her with a strapon and i cried right in the lecture while they giggled like the bunch of stacy's they are. I hate my stupid fucking acorn penis fuckkk. The worst part is it wont grow because im 21 years old. when i was in my teen years i had hope my puberty wasnt finished and it would grow to be normal but it didnt it just didnt. jesus fuck comfort me anons

>>717517952
Were they on the wrong track or did you manage to shake them off?

I fucked a tranny in a bathroom stall of a bar while high on meth and it was the best fuck of my life.

>>717517904
So I guess you're done

>>717509364
it would be really easy to track you down

>>717517667
Desecration of a body

I have driven through all lower 48 states without a license or insurance over the past 18 years.

I make trap rap music. Im black and all my friends are, we do all the coon shit you guys can probably make up. Except for smoking the shit we sell. We don't do that lol being black on /b/ is outrageous enough

I'm HIV positive and I have unprotected sex with guy from Grindr without telling them.

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>>717517765
Great, then you saw them too.
>cept I have pics.
Though I lived in Dongducheon for 3 years.

>>717518126
How'd you desecrate it?

>>717517184
Thats what I tell myself everyday but at the end of it all I want complete hedonism, but that was my father.
Wont stoop so low.
But how would I make music? What for? All I want is more drugs to drown out all this fucking piss in my brain! A day outside for me could fill a novel, the way the old lady scoffed while her husband shuffled on the bench when a negro goes by and the narrowing of his eyes at her and the aura of misery eminating from her. One person of hundreds, five seconds of thousand a day.
Everyday a dissapointment, a daily lesson. People are disgusting and weak, I can never behave as who I am for I would not be equal with them. Ignorant of their own thoughts...

Great great great grandfather patented some of the first stoplights in the US
Sold the company for $600M
Mom's extended family are stupid rich
Hoping my great uncle leaves her some of his $120M so I can afford tendies one day

>>717518047
I managed to cover my tracks, but barely. Scared me into never going down that path again though.

>>717518299
What kind of activity were you into?

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>>717508297

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOr9P61OQu0

>>717518250
Chopped off the hands and feet

>>717518038
Ha with a penis like that youre destined to be a cuck. Might as well just find a chick who will fuck you with a strapon and learn to like it

>>717518396
Are you Armenian or something?

I fought a little over 700 house fires. Best guess since I stopped counting after 340 in my journal.

>>717518451
Kek. Nope, American

>>717513612
This was beautiful

>>717518038
That sucks dude. I had a shitty ex that wanted me to wear one of those penis-extender things. It was fucking humiliating. Fuck people you'll find your angle to work

>>717517853
And rich people too otherwise I probably wouldn't have 5k in cash next to me.
Ps: If you ever try to work your way out of the deli department, the professional world frowns apon looking at your phone.

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>>717517834
kek. The Greys aren't the ones who do the probing though; that's the Repties.

common mistake

>>717508297
> can get people to do whatever i want
>amazing reflexes
>unusually high drug and alc tolerance
>can play any sport i choose to well
>can learn anything
>make solid money consulting
>published several books
>character in 2 movies (name changed)
>small parts in 3 movies
>survived electrocution as a small child
>fell off a cliff as a kid, no biggie
>never had a broken bone or badly sick
>never catch colds or get flu
>sleep only 4 hour s a night
>working on my 4th detective case
>have 5 fake names
>sprang a friend out of a mental hospital
>there are toys made of characters i've created

i could go on and on, just remembering shit. lived a long, full life.

>>717508297

I rubbed one out in the bathroom of a Mormon temple.

When I was a punk ass kid I read the book "hitman" and got obsessed with the idea. I cruised bulletins gathering information and decided that I really wanted to be a hit man when I grew up.

I thought I needed "practice" so I cased a random house in town with one occupant and killed him while he walked out one night. I didn't want to be a killer after that.

>inb4 fake, don't care if you believe

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>>717517797

got one for you homie

> next door neighbor since age 6
> ride bus together, classes together, everything
> have rule in elementary school cafeteria, when lights go out, no talking
> lights out
> girl sneezes
> cutest high pitched sneeze ever
> teacher thinks it's talking
> everyone looses recess for the day
> everyone pissed at girl
> flash-foward ten years, girl grows huge tits
> best guy friend corners me in geometry class, 10th grade
> bets me that I won't touch her boob
> fuck that
> ask girl if I can touch her boob
> she says I bet you $10 you won't
> grab a handful
> was $$
> girl shocked but proud
> friend pays me $10
> no ragrets

pic related

>>717518523
So what motivated you to chop off the hands and feet of a corpse?
I mean if you tell me you did this when he was still alive, I could imagine reasons you'd end up in that situation. For a body though, it seems like either going over the top for no particular reason or underperforming on an actual ritualistic scarecrow kinda deal.

>>717513612
Wonderful

>>717508297
>had sex with 29 girls in a week in highschool
>broke a guy's fingers for stealing $100 that wasn't even mine after smashing out his car window and dragging him out
>robbed a guy at knife point for only a chance that he had something valuable to take
>Took a shit on the bathroom floor at walmart, it stretched to tiles and half a tile in width. pretty big. no big deal though
>cut my ex gfs brakes in FL and she crashed and handicapped herself. she never cheated on anyone again
>caught 2 m&m's in my mouth in a row

One time, I dun goofed.

>>717517853
>pulling phone out of pocket is easier than turning wrist

you don't get out much do you

>>717513321
Timestamp tho

>>717510291
thank you for your contribution

>>717515949
Fuck dude I know that feel. I'm this dude by the way >>717515318

>>717518217
that sounds really fucked up anon
>>717518126
more than even this guy he probably fucked up a corpse but you it is fucked up ive seen people die of aids.
not a pretty sight

>>717518690
Easier to take hands and feet back, then to move an entire corpse. Used an ax if it helps with the imagery

>>717518949
The fuck are you going to do with a set of hands and feet?

>>717518754
>caught two m&m's in my mouth in a row.

You sir, are a goddamn liar.

>>717518299
underground guns. I didn't know much- I would occasionally get a couple handguns and it was my job to stash them for a few days or weeks. Differed each time Then I'd meet up and give it back to either the people who gave it to me or someone else they designated as "safe". Paid really well and I didn't ask too many questions.

>>717518038
Jesus you poor man... I welled up a little friend. I got a little dick too buddy you're not alone. You gotta finish your school move away and bang prostitutes life will be good one day kid. Take it from me.

>>717517853
Alright you got me mad enough to make me post and I wasn't even involved in your convo until I saw your last post

watches, on men, are an _accessory_, one of the few acceptable accessories on men, you slimy retarded piece of uneducated shit

>>717518672
good story/10

>>717518351
whoops, tagged my own post. See >>717519021

>>717519011
Use the finger prints to attempt to identify the corpse. The feet were taken, because why not

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>Stripper
>High end Courtesan
>make $1000+/day
>I love my job

Here's my tits faggots, it's all you get.

>>717519237
nice. i can see why you get the $$

Gained control of a Spanish water processing plant for all of 20 minutes.

>>717518930
Yeah, it sucks.. I live in a small town, so it's a known thing amongst the women of my age. My friends, the men and the women, know it wasn't me and take up for me whenever necessary. but it still is a common belief that I did it. Only one of my exes think it was me though, the other two know I had nothing to do with it.

>>717519213
Got anything on the fingerprints?

I used to launder money for a bro in my fraternity while I was pledging. He'd give me like 25 grand at a time and tell me what bets to place at casinos around Vegas. I was only 18 at the time but I never got carded.

>>717519237
saggy/10
How does stripping work?
Hows a guy "supposed" to act?
There was a strip club next to where I played pool and everyone went there like it was the norm but I'm a quiet guy and I wouldn't know how to act

>>717519237
How much do you take for a bj? Does it depend on the wretch you are with?

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>>717512865
good for you! unless you think its empowering or are a feminist, in which case you should kys

>>717519237
1000 a day fuck do you live in utah ? you can get those dem titties lifted for that money.
over here you cost like 80 dollars

>>717519237
why is it every stripper i know pretends they don't do extras on the side? i always suspect they do. it'd be hard to turn down a good solid offer.

>>717517100
I have a pager still lol. Super inconvenient with the lack of pay phones anymore.

>>717518004
You're posting from prison? Security there is shittier than I had previously guessed.

>>717519237
Ugly bitches surprise me that their lack of looks gives them dollars. People are desperate.

>>717519393
Nope, unfortunately not.

>>717518038
1) Become the god of oral
2) Profit

Oral makes girls moister than an oyster, so master the art and they'll be begging. You won't be able to pleasure them with your cock, but other cocks have had way worse than just being small

I got revenge by murder and never got caught. I've never told anyone, but I figure this will be my small confession. They say that you feel worse after revenge. In a sense, that's true, but at the same time, im satisfied.

>>717518839
yeah it probably takes about the same amount of time and effort.

you're wearing a watch like its fucking 1997. and i dont get out much? fucking kike

>needing to know the time every second to the point where you wear a device on your wrist that literally only serves the purpose of telling time

are you anxious? are you some sort of nervous cuck fag? do you have to make sure youre on time to your numerous BBC gangbangs that you are the featured bottom in?

seriously. the only reason people ever used to wear watches was because cell phones were not a wide spread thing and you might need to know the time when you were out and about in your day.

Theyre literally outdated and fucking pointless now. You're literally retarded if you can't see that.
It's the same as carrying a fucking pager, or a phone book. Or using a payphone. Or buying a PPV event. Or using dial up internet. Or jacking off to pictures rather than streaming video.

I made a record with John Lennon. I keep in touch with Bob Dylan. George Harrison and I have done acid more than three times together, even jammed and improvised some experimental songs that never got anywhere. I wrote a book under a false name at the age of 23. I can play guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, banjo, ukulele, sitar, mandolin, and violin. I sold more than three million records in my career and never got noticed once because I hate everybody and made my reality this way for a reason.
>on /b/
Fuck you, what do you expect me to do at this point?

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>>717517365
>And came face to face with North Korean troops (not actors), which is more than what most of anyone else in here can say they've done. You people like to talk of North Korea, but you've yet to see it with your own eyes and I doubt most of you could even locate it on an unmarked map.
Stop jerking yourself off. People go on tours to the DMZ almost every day, so it's hardly anything impressive or worth mentioning. You didn't even visit the North Korean side, only the South Korean one, so it's even less impressive. Next time actually go to North Korea if you want to impress people.

>>717519237
No high end courtesan worth her salt has a fucking lip ring.

If anything you're a common hooker calling herself a courtesan to make herself feel better about her profession.

With that lip ring, you couldn't even get a decent gig at an escort service.

>>717519627
Much respect old anon.

>>717518257
Make music, learn from
- Fundamentals of musical composition by Arnold Schoenberg and
- The complete discography of The Prodigy, The Beethoven of our times.
Combine these and you will do great.

A woman or art, choose.

I had sex with 3 generations of women from my wife's family.
My then girlfriend was 25, her mother was 60, and her niece was 19.

>>717516115
That's kind of cool. Were they personal items of yours or do you run a shop?

>>717519574
probably just lonely guys dont judge them I would give her 20 bucks for an hj or a bj
also my uncle ordered a hit on me and I ordered a hit on him he owes me 50k

>>717518217
I like you. YOU are the hero that /b/ deserves.

Ave Anon!

>>717519627
Who the fuck are you suppoused to be then? Cause you cant do all that without being reknown jackass.

>>717519627
You keep In touch with George Harrison do you?

>>717515917
thought doxing was posting that info publicly, not just gathering it for yourself

>>717508297
My dick does actually come in a box

>>717518038
Surgery m80. Worked for a buddy of mine. If it works for lesbos, it can work for you. Pics, btw?

>>717519237
What kind of chicks are your type

>>717519831
>>717519975
>>717519984

Harrison is dead, anon is a young liar.

>>717519984
he said keeps in touch with dylan (doubtful) and did acid with harrison 3 times. learn to read you fuck

>>717519608
Sounds like someone can't afford the $20

sometimes I forget to put the toilet seat down after I piss

>>717519021
i was involved with some organized criminal activity in my late teens and early twenties. Started by using/selling heroin. The crew or set or gang or whatever you want to call it did almost the same thing with guns except one guy started trading cheap stolen pistols to his dope plug and maybe 3 months later ATF, DEA, and a state wide organized crime/anti gang unit did one of those things where they kick everyones door in at 5 in the morning two days before thanksgiving. Only me and one other guy out of the 15 or 16 people we ran with didnt get a shit ton of fed time. Moral of the story is jonny law doesnt fuck around with guns

>>717519237
See>>717519768

You're not fooling anyone skuzzbutt

>>717519858
Fine.
Im Stephen Miller.

>>717517365
You're not special. Literally anyone can go to Seoul and book a tour to the DMZ, you retard.

Ok so you know Bear (owsley stanley)....soundman for the grateful dead, made highest quality acid which everyone from hendrix to bob dylan took. and made enough to blow millions of minds back then. I went to his last birthday party. He put a drop of liquid on my wrist which I promptly licked. we never said a word. sic night

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>>717519752
If that's not you in the pic, don't even bother me. I've still gotten leagues closer to North Korea than you (provided that isn't you) or anyone else in this thread could even dream of getting.

>>717519907
nah i worked at a shop.. lady came in one day asking to buy like 30-40 keys.. i asked what are they for and she said she was a costume designer for the new movie IT.. Shop was in Toronto and they were doing filming in Oshawa.. so its viable that she was telling the truth.. sold her a bunch of brass coloured keys with trapezoid shaped heads

Im very excited to see the movie and see the keys.

I'm a white guy who works at 7-11.

>>717519608
>Not the guy you replied to
I wear my watches as financial statements
Also they tend to pull together an outfit

>>717519387
Ever think about moving?

>>717511067
how does robbery feel? i'm considering it
what color is your skin?
green text for the cousin story?

>>717508297

By the time I was 20, I'd killed 8 people. Two of them were stabbings. All of them were justified.

I have a degree in biology, and am a published scientist.

I have, in the span of the last 13 years, had nearly 20 different jobs.

I have been to 23 countries, and slept with over 50 women.

Every statement above is completely true.

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>>717520378
I didn't go from Seoul. I actually lived in a city 15KM south of the border itself.

Between September and now I have had sex with 16+ women. I currently have Gonorrhea and think it's too awkward to go to the doctor about so I just have been sleeping with chicks and keeping it on the dl. True story my dick smells like shit and isn't getting any better.

When i was 18 i moved to British Columbia with my dad to live with him the first time in over 10 years. After about a year of being there, I had become an experienced cook at my dads local restaurant. However, it turned out that my dad was also the lead member of a massive drug front. (i knew he sold some drugs to friends and whatnot but we are talking huge business)

One day he calls me into his office. Another employee sitting there. Tells me to sit with them. Continues to explain how so and so has stolen hundreds from us in some way, and tells me that today is the day i get to chose wether or not i want to "stay a part of this family"

This was when my father asked me to cut off a random mans finger.

The man sat in the chair with his hand on the desk begging for me not to, screaming, crying, pleading, etc, and i was looking at my dad with a more of an "are you sure" face?

My dad was the man you couldnt say no to, mostly because he was 100lbs more than me, and he could stare the living soul out of your body, and then beat the rest out of you.

>TLDR - I cut off a random dudes finger once as per rule of my dads drug cartel.

I had a drug dealer run in fear by making him believe i was a russian mafia-member. He wanted to sell me some drugs and being the joker that i am picked up my.phone and pretended i was russian.

That was one fast nigger, i Tell ya

>>717515688
The term you're looking for is confirmation bias.

Check the news next week, you'll know my secret then.

>>717517853
Holy shit you are dumb. Watches are status symbols. It's one if the few ways a rich man can showcase that he has means and good taste. I've never seen someone put so much effort into showing just how ignorant he is about the world.

>>717520424
do you get a lot of black people trying to steal shit and junkies or coffee ?
well at least you have a job anyway

>>717508297
I'm a professional goaltender signed to a multi million dollar contract with a team in the NHL.

>>717519387
you still might be the cause, sort of like some peopole are accident prone

>>717519588
Question - what'd you do with live captures?
Are there any local authorities you turned them over to?

>>717517365
>And came face to face

>NORTH KOREAN MAN-GRUNT-SQUELSCH-SCREAM-OF-RELEASE.wav

>>717520177
He's probably so stoned, he lost time.
Doesn't watch the news
Self proclaimed asshole, so talks to no one.
Or just a liar.

Had a 4some with my wife and I'm gf and her 2 friends.
My kid was conceived on top of a jeep at 60, my friend kept hitting the breaks to add to my thrusts, not sure if threesome or 4 some (me, wife and potentially friend and/or vehicle)
Wind dried shit up like crazy though, do not recommend.

>>717520436
Eh, it's a small town, this kind of shit comes and goes, maybe if when I hit 30 it's still something I have to deal with I will move. But for now, everyone who's close to me knows it's not true, and those are the same people I stay in town for.. plus I have a great job.

>>717517743
You forgot about the niglets, they live on the moon and evolved from crocodiles 1 billion years ago. I was abducted by one and it made passionate love to me.

The shit I just wrote has the same amount of evidence to support it as that pic.

>>717520556

On top of it all, i didnt even know if he was armed or anything. Could Just as easily get Stabbed or shot that night

>>717519604
What did you get revenge for

>>717515917
Fascinating. How likely is it that I have one of those injections myself?

>>717520687
I've considered that.

>>717519993
No, thats just being an asshole. A Dox is a carefully put together and properly formatted file on a person. This includes multitudes of information which you will either cross reference somewhere else to confirm its validity, or leave unconfirmed.

This includes, but is not limited to;
Name, email, birthday, answers to secret questions, address, family members, occupation, etc.

This helps as for future reference, especially when trying to impersonate someone online, when you must go back to said file and double check their information. Ie, their birthday say 01/02/1990 on facebook, but on their twitter its 01/02/1992. This could be just a thing they were lying about, so its always good to post all lines of whatever you have, as to try multiple times in case you are wrong the first.

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>>717520732
wat?

>>717520860
blacks are native to the planet, as the pic indicated

>>717520386
Yes, because it's soooo bad to fly to South Korea and book a tour to the DMZ. I've been to the DMZ too, you're bragging about nothing. It's basically just as retarded as bragging that you visited Rome.

>>717515917
Can confirm. Pretty close to what lurkhackers do. Some router infil and packet sniffing, along with phishing..

>>717518038
can we see it?

>>717515092
what kind of bodily damage did you suffer?

>>717519608
k

>>717519237
>Courtesan

You can sing.
Dance with and without a partner.
Recite original poetry.
Deliver stirring rhetoric.
Juggle.
Acrobatics.
Perform a drama or a comedy.

>Courtesan

Convince me.

>>717520376
I'll be looking out for you.
I'm Victor "Mountain"

>>717521081
I'm not talking about blacks. The niglets are a separate alien race that evolved from crocodiles and left the planet 1 billion years ago. Idiot.

>>717521101
Meant to say soooo hard. Oops.

>>717521277
yeah what a dummy he is. jeez

>>717521101
Yet how many people actually do? Every time I even mention "Korea," people assume I bumped elbows with the Supreme Leader himself, and I have to explain to them that I lived on the South side. Even then, they'll ask how afraid I was of an invasion, and how often I actually saw North Korea or its troops/spies. Visiting some old city that had its best days centuries ago is nothing compared to the DMZ.

Stop trying to downplay it.

>>717521277
You know what you were trying to do. Wasn't funny then, isn't now.