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Alright/b/, What's the most pathetic thing you did while horny?

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 208
Thread images: 70

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Alright/b/, What's the most pathetic thing you did while horny?
>>
>>717393552
...kissed a guys feet while thanking him for pulling my hair
>>
sniffed my sister panties.
>>
>>717394232
sniffed my roommate's panties
I fucked her the day before and she was out that day and i was so fuckin horny
>>
humped the wooden kitchen table leg when i was like 10 cuz yaknow
>>
>>717393552
made out with my bat shit crazy ex girlfriend
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>>717394636
Did that to a sofa. In the crack of the cushions
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I once had sex with a human female in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
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>>717394900
GOTTEM
>>
>>717395000
DUBS THEN TRIPS
>>
>>717393552
WTF is she wearing her bikini top upside down?
>>
Posh wank into my last remaining condom whilst I was a poorfag
>>
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>>717395000
This screen cap is going right on the fridge
>>
when i was 16 i was at a sleep over (3 of us)
we were all watching porn together
come bed time we all lay on the floor under a big blanket.
everyone is asleep except me (so i thought)
my friend start to pull my pants down
at first i thought i should yell like wtf are you doing.
but my dick is hard from still thinking about the boobies i just saw
so i pretend im asleep as he pulls down my pants and starts to suck my dick
>>
humped my pillow when 10
>>
i cut holes in and fucked a stocking cap

i still have it, it has different sized holes for depending on how tight of a pussy i want to push my dick through

fucked gloves

fucked a christmas santa hat thing

pillows
i fucked a really soft microfiber stuffed panda pillow and my mom found the big yellow stains on it and threw it away

socks

fucked a little fabric sunglasses case once too
>>
I reposted a reddit thread.

ITT: OP's a faggot.
>>
Opened this thread :/
>>
>>717393552
i masterbite once smh tbh
>>
Vibrating toothbrush, it wasn't even mine.
>>
Scowered backpage and fucked the first prostitute that replied.
>>
>>717394439
post pics of roommate plox
>>
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Consume mass quantities of weed.
>>
staying in a hotel for work
Rent a porno in the company dime
Fill a shower cap with hotel provided conditioner
Put shower cap between the 2 mattresses
Watch porn and hump it till I cum
>>
I go to a local porn theater and stick my dick in gloryholes. It's hard to pretend it's a woman when you feel a mustache.

Someyime ma duded bring wives/girlfriends though. Thats fun
>>
>>717395490
lol these are somewhat clever yet sad ways to jerk off
>>
>>717393552
wet dreams when i was well past 13
>>
>>717394955
FUCKING MODS
MODS
MODSMODSMODS
>>
On vacation. Was horny and felt like experimenting. Ended up fucking my ass with the complimentary shampoo bottle.
>>
Sent a dick pic on request via text to a chick I matched with on tinder.

Turned out the chick was trolling and sent me a pic back with her and four dudes laughing.

Luckily I think they were just having a laugh.
>>
>>717394955
with the lights off?
>>
>>717395282
what if your third friend was also awake?
also, did you cum?
>>
Made gf give me a handjob in glow in dark pirate mini golf in Chuck e cheese like place.
>>
>>717394955
You fucking animal
>>
>>717395109
Lmoa whoj
>>
a couple

>1: It was winter and super snowing and I was at a park in a section with no people, go inside an outhouse bathroom and used the anti-bacterial stuff to fap with

>2: Stayed at what I thought was my Aunt's place and actually slept in her room. Her closet was open and her bras were hanging in the open. In the dead of night I felt up the bras as I fapped. I also took pictures of the bras. A few days later I found out it was my Grandmother's place and that my aunt was just staying over the same night. In other words, I then deleted the pictures and felt sick at what I was fapping with

>3: Friends and family at the house and I find an IG pic of a girl I like where you can see her bra through her dress. I go up to my room and fap to it and then felt sad at what I did.
>>
>>717395282
Hot, please go into detail.
>>
Things I have beat off with:
Water from a natural icicle as lube
Jap pocket pusi(s)
A pvc blowup doll one time (super shitty)
Bananna Peel (renoved fruit, fucked mostly closed peel)
Glove like that other anon did

>>717396431
Scene 75?
>>
>>717397228
>Bananna Peel (renoved fruit, fucked mostly closed peel)
how... how'd it feel
>>
Made a fake lesbo account and used nudes to trade and then just vanish from that person
>>
>>717393552
Came in my cousin's playdough. She's 11.
>>
Used my gf dildo..
>>
>>717397428
Better than the glove, but the shame was... Intense. Banana tasted great beforehand tho, potassium isn't just a meme anon, eat healthy and don't fuck anything before you eat it.
>>
My WiFi wasn't working but I was able to get a weak unprotected signal so I went and wanked in my backyard
>>
>>717393552
>when i was a teenager
>Was high on xanax, adderall, ritalin, ambien and maybe somthing else while drunk.
>Got a text from hot, super drunk neighbor from a party asking to come over at like 1am
>sneak her into my house (parents home)
>shes now in my room, on my bed, im on my pc talking to her
>discretely rail another good sum of addy or whatever stimulant it was and mistakenly, more ambien, while she was on my bed talking about who knows what
>godmode.jpg ; really starting to feel everything now except the ambien (xanax but on steroids)
>I sit on the bed with her and next thing i know we're making out, then taking off our clothes etc
>Fucking realize that im suffering from an extreme case of whiskey dick, stimulant dick (blood vessles restrict making your dick not only hard to get blood to, but look like a fucking 1/16th scale model of what it should be), and as if thats not enough the ambien starts kicking in.
>im slowly losing all ability to function and talk.
>she asks if i have a condom, and being the fuckwit i was, I didn't. So we just sat there rubbing our fucking crotches on eachother and giving eachother hickys until i go full braindead on her.
>She asks me to walk her out
I don't remember much but apparently it was quit a scene...
>>
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>>717397671
>be me
>licked playdough as kid because kid
>will never look at it the same way again
>9.5/10 ingenuity anon
>>
>>717399040
Can go into more detail if wanted, left out a good sum, even though i don't even remember half of it...
>>
Fucked this pussy. My buddy is supposed to fuck it tomorrow and I'll be fucking it again soon
>>
>>717399423
I'll post what I got of her
>>
>>717399243
please don't, it's a fucking boring story. sorry anon.
>>
>>717399450
>>
>>717399553
>>
Got super drunk and stoned and fucked a chick I met on OKC who was about 40. The only thing I remember was clumsily pawing at her leathery tits, and she was like, what the hell are you doing?
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>>717399620
>>
>>717399491
aight
>>
>>717399727
>>
>>717399491
You got a better one?
>>
>>717399792
>>
>>717393552
Masturbated to CP
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>>717399840
>>
>>717393552
Fucked four prostitutes at once.
>>
>>717399887
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>>717399922
>>
Bought used panties off Craigslist, wore them, and got crabs. Definitely on my top 5 fails kek
>>
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>>717399964
>>
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>>717399998
>>
>>717393552
I let a 5 year old girl sit on my lap in a sexual way for bout 4 seconds. I still feel ashamed.
>>
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>>717400041
>>
>>717399040
kek
continue anon
ambien stories are the best tbh
>>
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>>717393552
One night I went to bed thinking I didn't want to fap, I was super stoned and tired. Once I was in bed I got horny.

So I'm jerkin it, and the stretchy part on my boxers ends up coming over my dick. The pressure feels great - but the boxers don't. So instead I use a pillow to put pressure on my dick.

Been fucking pillows ever since. No ragrats.
>>
>>717400093
>>
>>717400142
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>>717400197
>>
>>717400242
>>
>>717399996

>bought used panties off Craigslist

...what the fuck.

>wore them and got crabs

this takes a special kind of stupid.
>>
>>717400279
all these pics are cum tributes btw so cum to them or print them off and cum on them
>>
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>>717400457
>>
>>717397228
why didn't you make your dick the banana shark 2.0 anon?
>>
>>717400519
saved these when someone else posted them. he was right about the slut sending nudes to other guys
>>
Let my mate jerk me off when i was a teeanager. No im still not gay.
>>
>>717400634
>>
>>717400684
>>
>>717394439
I sniffed my roomastes panties as well, she was a very thin short haired girl, no boobs no ass, I was desperate
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>>717400772
>>
get off r/AskReddit you copypasta you
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>>717393552
> i let my dog fuckme in the ass
> male
>33 oldfag
> no girl , or wife ...
>no homo
> no like it ...
>>
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>About age 10 or so saw the first Scary Movie
>In the movie doofie sticks his dick in the vacuum cleaner to get off
>About a year or so later, age 11-12
>I tried the vacuum cleaner thing, no idea why, just tried it..
>Actually quite enjoyed this, did this about everyday for a few months.
>I was kept my door locked when I did this...
>One day when I was doing it, my mom picked my lock on the door and saw me doing it.
>She immedaly slammed the door and I stopped doing it from then from guilt..
>But she would occasionally through the years of growing up make random vacuum cleaner sounds at me when in front of family or when no one was around, it get annoying, it bothered me then.
>About a couple years ago, she made the sound, so I said the name of a guy she cheated on her current husband with, and she got silent haven't heard her say anything since..
>I was 12 then, I am 26 now.
>>
>>717400842
>>
>>717400655
Rubbed dick against brother's leg
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>>717400926
>>
fyahand.com
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>>717393552
You stole this from reddit
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>>717400985
>>
>>717401101
>>
>>
>>717401183
>>
>>717399996
hahahaha! That's a great story though, cheers anon.
>>
>>717401264
can someone cum tribute these pics? I would but I just finished a few minutes ago on some I printed
>>
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>>717393552
>Pic related
>>
>>717393552
Um well let's see,

Recently I got back together with my exgirlfriend with whom I met in a pyschward. Originally she broke up with me. Literally for one day she didn't message me, in that same day I saw her post on Instagram of her kissing another guy with Bae written in the comments, by her.
>>
>>717401384
>>
>>717400871
That's kinda mean of her, glad you shut her up.
>>
>>717401475
>>
>>717401531
>>
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>ejaculated over bed sheets
>woops gotta clean that off, gonna get some paper
>while I'm getting paper brother goes to my room
>brother sees cum all over
>>
>>717401591
>>
>>717401644
>>
>Be me, 13
>Basically a walking hard-on
>Desperate to stick my dick in anything.
>Have weird, creepy uncle
>Know he's a pedo, has been a little touchy-feely with me before
>Concoct a genius plan that he'll suck me off, maybe let me fuck his ass
>Convince myself it's not gay if you're doing the pitching
>Go to his house, he's alone
>herbertfromfamilyguyitmustbemybirthday.webm
>Failed to take into account that when your creepy pedo uncle hits on you, he has no intention of letting you do the "pitching"
>Worst three hours of my life
>worstthreehoursofyourlifeSOFAR.png
>Told me if I didn't come over whenever he wanted, he'd tell everyone what a faggot I was
>Spent the rest of middle and high school doing shit like that with him.
>Not all bad, learned about prostate stimulation...
>>
While horny I've
>fingered my mom
>Licked her cunt
>nearly stuck it in
>smell her used panties while Cumming on a fresh Pair and putting them back
>multiple times
>found old hot pics and make sure she knows I look at them
>fucked her hand too once
>message trannies with no intentions of meeting up lol
>>
>>717401702
>>
No rules.
>>
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>>717393552
I tried nofap for about 3 months back in 2014. It didn't help at all other than making me 10x hornier than before. Even if I was out in public and I'd see 10-13 year old girls my cock would be raging.

Most pathetic thing I've ever done is leave my camping buddies to go jerk off in the woods. Almost got lost and it was 3AM.
>>
>>717401741
>>
>>717401782
>>
>>717400871
>>
>>717401870
>>
>>717400871
now for the 1 million dollars question...
how big is your dick anon?
>>
>>717394955
Dude wtf man
>>
>>717401913
>>
>>717401978
>>
>>717394955
How has the fbi not taken this down yet?
>>
>>717401706
True?
>>
>>717402009
>>
>>717393552
at a house party, advances got turned down by a resident, stayed on couch, took her bed after she left for the morning, locked the door and pulled out a bunch of panties and inhaled a deep inhale as I came in <1minute
>>
>>717399996
>>717400428

One of my dad's friends (middle-aged obese man) wears womens panties and sells them on craigslist using pics of amateur females he found on the internet.
>>
>>717402061
>>
>>717402111
>>
>>717399888
Can't of been cheap.
>>
>>717402144
>>
>>717401870
please fucking stop. she's got a cunt. we've seen it. it's really not that great.
>>
>>717402146
For you. :^)
>>
>>717402204
xD
>>
>>717402175
>>717402194
this is the last pic and ik its not that great. i just fuck her cause shes closer than my gf
>>
>>717393552

Hooked up with a hamplanet. Six months later I'm still seeing her. I was hoping Santa would bring me the sweet release of death, but alas, I'm still here.
>>
>>717401945
It was small then, funny thing is, it was like small until age 17... It seemed like one day it just grew overnight..

About 7.5 inches fully erect..
>>
>>717402018
Sadly, yes.
>>
fapped at work

>paid to fap
>>
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>>717393552


>gets on chat-roulette.
>plans on looking for girls.
>ends up jerkin off with some guy.
>yeah.
>>
>>717400106
Finally someone who knows what that shit is capable of...

>Well she was a solid 8-8.5/10, maybe a 9 on a good day and we were both 17 at the time.
>Had a crush on her for some time, but as time progressed started to forget about her.
>That night I felt pretty damn depressed seeing her, and many other people posting vids n shit of parties and so on. Pretty sure it was a holiday
>That is until she called me asking to come over saying she was shitfaced
>Anyways, before that happened I thought it would be a good idea to get the most fucked up ive ever been in my life due to the depressed feels. Literally had everything I could get my hands on.
>A good 30min or so before she called me I got drunk of a bottle of Jack, railed a bunch of stims, and so on. I didnt do any hydrocodon since i was afriad id get too nacious.
>Starting to feel everything, then decide to rail a fuckton of ambien a few minutes before she called. Didn't feel it until a while in as you know.
>As we started "fake fucking" i began to feel all the ambien kick in at once, I dont know how to describe it, but I remember like day dreaming of weird shit like running down a road and so on, all while still dry humping eachother
>as it got more intense i still managed to keep that going, but i was in an entirely different world. Wasnt even thinking about sex, despite us still sucking on eachothers necks and so on. I ended up passing out, and coming too as it got even more intense and as the highs started overlapping. This is where everything starts to become a haze
Cont.
>>
>>717393552
I was molested as a young girl, and for the longest time I tried to avoid thinking about it. Was stupid horny one day and I got off to the memories. Now it crosses my mind every time I play with myself and gets me off like no other.
>>
>>717402417
Haha, I fapped in a Lowes bathroom when I was like 12 or 13.
>>
>fapped in bathroom stall at work
>fapped after class in uni stall
>experimenting with anal, tapped cd spindle to electric clippers
>>
Dated a trans girl for a while. I was not into it and was mostly depressed.

I bought a cheap knockoff of a fleshlight and tore my frenulum (eventually healed back and bought a real fleshlight)

Did the whole peanut butter and dog thing. I'm pretty ashamed of that one.

I have taken my aunt's panties and jerked with them. Did that to my girlfriend at the time too.

I occasionally jerk off in my car while driving.

I'm pretty sure I'm a voyeur/exhibitionist/weirdo of some sort.
>>
>>717393552
xSomeone give this dude some love xD he barely gets views and puts so much work in his videos lmfao he's so funny he trolls g mod xD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odYkDtuOx9c
>>
>>717402512
Jesus
>>
Fucke mu ex wife and let her fuck buddy suck my dick. I came on both of their faces and then DPD heri was fucking her in the ass and she Shit all over my cock
>>
fucked a girl who was older than 16 and was only a 6/10. she was white though so i guess it's not too bad
>>
>>717402503
>she asks me to eat her out, first off this was my first time eating a chick out, secondly with complete loss of all motor skills. Id like to think i did pretty well but i have no idea what happened in the bed past this point.
>Don't know how much time has passed, don't know how i acted after that, all im sure of is that i was trying to talk but couldn't so just was fucking mumbling like a fucking jackass
>I think i railed some more ambien during this time as well, idk
>a good 30-45min+ gap in my memory starts now
>faintly remember her asking me to walk her (or sneak her) to the front door
anyone who's ever been shitfaced on ambien will know that this task would be utterly impossible
>ended up falling down the stairs whilst my parents woke up to a brain-dead me trying to get a girl out of my house while mumbling complete autism
>Remember nothing past this point.
>woke up in bed, bruised, massive painful hicky, and with a sour crotch somehow
>she txts me the day after apologizing and so fourth saying that it was a mistake and shit. I just told her that i didnt remember anything at all. It made it a shit ton easier to discuss and see her again every day.
>parents thought i was just super drunk, freaked out, etc. typical expectations
I still hangout with her today, and she still thinks im oblivious to what happened that night.
>>
>>717402698
I know... it's like a guilty pleasure
>>
Jacked off into my female bosses toothpaste almost every day (worked at her house). Jacked off into her hand Cream pissed on her bed and on her floor and in her juice. Found her vibrator and butt plug. Licked and jacked off onto them and rubbed it in. Literally over 70 loads of cum into her toothpaste tho she had to have known
>>
prank called some hookers cuz I was too drunk to meet them anywhere. offered them $1000 to come to my house
>>
>>717393552
Suck and ride a dick (i'm a guy)
>>
I was sharing the room at this hotel... we were on a family vacation trip.. so.. i went to take a shit at the bathroom. And saw my cousin's bikini.. had to jackoff with it.. so as soon i leave the bathroom she enters and put it on.. she was like "it so hot in here even clothes feel warms"
>>
>>717402635
How do you jerk off while driving?!
>>
Posted my GF's nudes on /b/ so I could wank over them with other guys.
>>
>>717402878
so your cousin was like 5yo and/or retarded?
>>
>>717393552
Convinced myself I deserve love and happiness
>>
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>>717402512
Would you like to be raped by a angry black man
>>
>>717402878
:^D
"even clothes feel warms"
>>
Fucked my land lords couch and then the arm chair too just because. Oh while also wearing her panties ;)
>>
>>717402890
i've done that quite a few times too. I do it furiously and usually cum pretty fast. it's a rush
>>
>>717402401
What the fuck happened in the 3 hour span?
>>
xD
>>
>>717402890

I'm an excellent driver. Harder to do when I'm driving stick, though.

Most danger I've ever been in because of it was when I came right into my face and I was surprised and swerved a bit.
>>
>>717402981
Nope. I think the reason why I enjoy getting off to those memories is because of how wrong and taboo it is. Rape is a nice fantasy but I'm just not into black cocks.
>>
>>717402319
hah I had an affair with a hamplanet - the sex sucked and she was a bad kisser, too
>>
xDD
>>
>>717397071
>felt sick knowing it was grandmas bra's but not aunts
>wut
>>
>>717396265

Ugh. So many socially fucked kids are gonna grow up to become professional rapists.
>>
>>717403111

This guy gets it.

I just like public, dangerous sex acts.

And it's not like I'm alone either. I have a gf and I love to feel her up and fuck her in public and in the car.

I'm pretty sure I'm fucked in the head.
>>
>>717402940
Lol, thats everyday for me
>>
>>717403111

Trips are truth. Yeah, I've had to polish the bishop after leaving a titty bar with a raging boner a few times.
>>
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that moment when you create a thread exactly like the one on the front page of reddit
>>
>>717396225
i still get them from time to time. i would live in them if i could
>>
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>>717402290
No one thinks you are cool. Stop being a faggot
>>
>>717403308
Kek, this is normy shit man. You're perfectly sane
>>
be high AF and my gf is passed out.

Make a grinder account to try to suck someones dick.
didn't meet anyone that day, but gave someone a mutual handjob on another day.
>>
>>717402635
I drive and jerk too anon, no need to be ashamed
>>
>>717403578

I guess I am. I get weird impulses and nasty thoughts and shit but I never do act on them. I feel I'm far more rational and sane than I am tempted to act on my impulses.
>>
>>717403308
My girlfriend is in another level of freaky, she wants to fuck in places where we would get put on the sex offenders list if we fucked there
>>
>>717403158
How about an angry white male, with an above average penis size, perhaps 8 inches...
>>
>>717403816

My girlfriend and I are pretty out there too. It helps that we do love each other quite a bit.

She knows that I'm a weirdo.
>>
>>717393552
>be 13
>internet not working
>jerk off to nudism show on tv with less than stelar people
>>
>>717394232
same dude, same
>>
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>>717394232
>>717404080
My guys. Same. Those delicious skid marks....
>>
>>717403860
That'd be better
>>
>>717401722
story?
>>
>>717404354
She was sleeping each time. We'll the time I was tounging her I heard her moan a couple times I got scared
>>
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>>717394900
>>
>>717393552
Banged our maid
>>
>>717396353
cucked, feels bad man
>>
>>717403199
;P
>>
>>717393552
Your mom
>>
>>717394900
Now let's compare the responses.
>>
>>717393552
You stole this from reddit. It's on the front page right now
>>
>>717405540
it's probably exactly the same
>>
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>>717394955
MODS
>>
My hot roommate had a sexy friend staying over one night. I fapped right outside their bedroom door, even smeared some precum on the door handle so they would touch it unknowingly.

Dark times.
>>
>>717393552

jerked off in the bathroom stall at work
>>
>>717404041
I didn't have internet for a long time as a kid, late night comedy central fapping was my thing for years
>>
File: blonde sucks bbc.jpg (289KB, 1280x1074px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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jerk off to interracial porn for hours with a ton of other degenerate perverts while chatting about how hot it is
>>
>>717393552
I gave in to my sexually agressive overly developed 11 year old neighbor. Had to keep doing it or she would blab about it.
>>
Talked to my Uber driver as my GF gave me a hand job so he'd give 5 stars.
>>
>>717393552
Lick my own cum of my hand
>>
>>717399243
I'd like to hear it.
>>
When I was 13, I masturbated in class to a girl a few seats away from me. I didn't have my dick out, but I rubbed myself through my pants. I was in front row, and have no idea how I went unnoticed. Anyways, I jizzed in my pants just as the class ended. There wasn't a lot of cum, so I easily cleaned my underwear in the bathroom. I also took screenshots of the same girl during gym class, she was hot af with shorts on. I was a horny little fucker back then.
>>
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Thread posts: 208
Thread images: 70



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