[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Free Show | Home]

What's the most unexpected, yet oddly-satisfying thing you've

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 207
Thread images: 13

File: orbeez.jpg (174KB, 640x434px) Image search: [Google]
orbeez.jpg
174KB, 640x434px
What's the most unexpected, yet oddly-satisfying thing you've put your dick in?

I'm not talking about home-made flesh lights, vaginas, etc. I mean stuff you saw and thought "I could put my dick in that"

While we're here, the most unsatifying thing you put your dick in.

I put my dick in a raw chicken breast once when I had to cut a hole in for making kievs, it was underwhelming due to it having been in the fridge and no lube, but could have had potential.

Pic sort-of related; I saw orbeez in a balloon and thought it might have potential.
>>
>>717069476
The mashed potatoes
>>
>>717069476
Do guys really do this? What the
>>
>>717069536
Really? I imagine they'd have to be pretty perfect to feel good? Not dry and not too sloppy?
>>
>>717069564
Yes. Have you never seen a phallic object and thought it could have potential?

I'm assuming you have a vagina.
>>
File: 1411334244495.jpg (74KB, 447x550px) Image search: [Google]
1411334244495.jpg
74KB, 447x550px
I took a shit in the bath once, it was moderate - not too hard or soft. Very fresh, and hot.

Anyway, thought it looked fuckable. So in I went.

Long story short, I fucked my own shit.
>>
>>717069811
I can imagine the potential but I'll take your word for it.

Out of curiosity, why did you shit in the bath? Were you taking a bath at the time?
>>
Glass jar full of marigolds thought if I put a lump of butter in there it just might work. It did it was so just I do it at least once a day every day
>>
>>717069990
Good* not just
>>
>>717069752
seriouslly, chiks put everything in the house inside of them but guys can´t stick their dick in stuff?

Isn´t it the same thing if a guy puts his dick in a chicken and a chick stuffing her cunt with a carrot or pickle or something
>>
A teddy bear
>>
>>717069990
Marigolds? As in the gloves, not the flowers?
>>
>>717069986
As apposed to just shitting in the bath?
>>
>>717069476
Blender
>>
Pudding. Cold, but gold.
>>
Vacuum cleaner. Came buckets. Much recommended.
>>
File: cGX04ts2.png (79KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]
cGX04ts2.png
79KB, 500x500px
>>717070345
Rupert!
>>
>>717070459
I mean, was there a reason for shitting in the bath?
>>
>>717069476
MY DOG MY CAT MY MOM and visions of putting my dick in OP
>>
>>717070561
What sort of pudding?
>>
Carefully peeled bananna skin, u bust through it very easily, but if u can keep intact well enough its pretty good. If its a few days old it has all its natural banana oils for lube.

>carefully peel banana
>eat banana
>fuck banana cock sleeve
.....
>profit
>>
>>717069752
Things along the lines of hair brushes, make up tubes/brushes. But I'd never go overboard and rub my clit with raw chicken.
>>
File: 1df.png (406KB, 680x467px) Image search: [Google]
1df.png
406KB, 680x467px
Well I once put one of those teeth flosser picks in my penis..felt good and came hard...got into sounding after that
>>
>>717070987
I have actually done this one. The banana fruit makes a good lube too once you've fucked the skin to death.
>>
>>717070986
Chocolate. It turned out to be a bad choice afterwards. You can imagine what it looked like..
Also the pudding was ruined. Worth it though.
>>
>>717071027
But fruit and vegetables would be acceptable, no? I can't imagine any raw meat would have potential for female masturbation other than hotdogs/sausages.
>>
>>717071098
Hmm, sounds interesting. Can you point me at a brand? UK here. And was it really ruined or did you just suddenly feel disgusted at the idea of eating your own cum once you came?
>>
>>717071205
Personally, I wouldn't do it. Doesn't seem sanitary.
>>
>>717071205
>>717071410
Regardless though, if it doesn't involve the clit it doesn't feel good anyways. It's a hard life.
>>
>>717069476
A jar of this slime stuff I bought at 12 years old. A month later, I thought "This might make my dick feel nice" And I ended doing this until it kept sticking to my dick.
>>
>>717071041
I used a glass dropper before now. Then I came to my senses and realised putting a hollow glass tube up there is NOT a good idea. I like the idea of sounding but I don't want to get carried away and end up with a massive pisshole.
>>
A toddler
>>
>>717071554

Seriously why wouldn't you want a massive pisshole
>>
>>717071677
win
>>
>>717071510
Yeah, it doesn't seem sanitary at all. I suppose having the insertable appendage has it's advantages, as would having the hole.
>>
>>717069476
most satisfying: coffee or peanut butter
not put my dick in anything dissatisfying (yet)
>>
>>717069476
My ex-gf's mouth, pussy, and asshole. It was unexpected because we had kind of dated a few years earlier, but she ended up friend zoning me. It was more of a friend's with benefits kind of deal I guess, but I was too much of a dumb-ass to take advantage like I should have--that's what trying to be all nice and sensitive gets you, because women want both nice, and aggressive. Then she married this retard Yankee faggot, who had a good job and shit, whereas I was in college and working fast food.

Five years later she started calling and writing telling me how much she loved me, and couldn't live without me, so I ended up fucking her brains out for about 6 months or so. It was totally unexpected, and very satisfying. Especially ass-fucking her in that diphit's bed.
>>
>>717071824
I should try the peanut butter.
>>
>>717069476
An 11 year old girl
>>
>>717071688
I like squirting my cum and I feel like a larger hole would reduce the potential for this. And wouldn't it make pissing less predictable?
>>
>>717069476
Your mom.
>>
>>717071853
it is indeed oddly satisfying, at least with crunchy
the little bits of nuts aren't sharp, so they don't hurt
>>
>>717071905

I guess it would. I don't think it's such a good idea.
>>
>>717071938
Question: is smooth still a good option
>>
>>717071845
OP here. I will accept this because you interpreted unexpected and satisfying in a different way and I totally empathise with how satisfying that must have been.

Are you still fucking her?
>>
File: 831456_as1reallyam_anal_close-up.jpg (982KB, 1280x853px) Image search: [Google]
831456_as1reallyam_anal_close-up.jpg
982KB, 1280x853px
>>717070345

they are better with fleshlight mods
>>
>>717072033
I've never tried, so I can't say for sure, but I'd assume that it'd still feel pretty decent
>>
>>717071824
What form of coffee?
>>
>>717072192
Thanks for the advice!
>>
>>717072192
I'd try this but the only one I have access to is used in a 9-year old's sandwiches.

I know that appeals to some of you but I have somewhat a duty of care for this child.
>>
>>717072241
I have 1 teaspoon coffee, 2 sugar, about 3/4 or 4/5 hot water, and then milk up to about the top.
It's weird, because it doesn't feel super hot against the dick, but the warmth is definitely there and makes it feel much better.
>>
>>717072356
Would warm water not have the same effect?

Actually, I have used cup of tea and although not arousing, felt nice. I think I understand.
>>
>>717072353
I fucked my own peanut butter once and then realized it was what was going to be used on my sandwhiches.

Not worth, honestly peanut butter fuck wasnt great and id rather have just had the sandwhiches instead of having to throw out perfectly good peanut butter
>>
>>717072353
I wouldn't really recommend sticking your dick in a 9-year old's sandwich just to try it. Only if you made a spare sandwich, just to try.
I was hungry as fuck one night and grabbed the jar of peanut butter out of the cupboard, grabbed a large spoon, and started shoveling it into my faggot mouth, then got curious about jerking off with it.
feltgoodman.avi
>>
>>717072499
You didn't have to throw it out.
>>
>>717072487
Well, I've jerked it in the bath and in the shower, and didn't feel the same as a coffee
>>
>>717072531
That was pretty much my process with the banana, except there was no waste apart from the skin.
>>
>>717072683
Shit, I've thought about fucking a banana before, but every time I've thought about it, I had none. Might have to check in a moment. Cheers for the reminder, desu
>>
>>717071554
Yea glass is dangerous..I use medical metal sounding rods intended for it.I got some that vary in size so you dont stretch your dick hole out too much
>>
File: 20161230_143704[1].jpg (1MB, 2560x1920px) Image search: [Google]
20161230_143704[1].jpg
1MB, 2560x1920px
>>717069476
Can confirm. They feel wet and cold. But the slimy feeling is nice. Maybe in a balloon would feel pretty good!! any other requests?
>>
>>717072608
I turned my shower to the massage jet mode once and tried aiming one of the jets at the underside of my cock and down the hole. It was far too intense and had to stop as it was making my knees weak.
>>
>>717069476
my nigger gf
>>
>>717069476
Yo momma
>>
>>717072798
Just the man I need to speak to, thanks for coming.
Can they be warmed up? By that I mean, would they melt or soften when heated (like jelly/jello would)

I'm thinking of 2 or more sausage balloons filled with these, warmed and lubed and taped together tightly.

My second idea was a condom filled with these and then to squish them around my dick by hand.
>>
>>717071824
okay, most dissatisfying is chocolate syrup for sure
>>
>>717073057
They are water balls, so heating them wont work. only way would be body warmth. I think a condom would feel good and different from other sensations!!
>>
Most unexpectedly uncomfortable place I ever put my dick.
Not the most uncomfortable, but it was so not what I was expecting it was really off putting.
Even with lube it wasn't right.
Won one at the carnival, went in dry
>like dragging your dick across sticky tires
Tried lube, better but still liked my hand more.
>>
>>717072748
im a guy but used to stick loads of stuff up my ass, mortar and pestle, test tubes, hair brush handles, cucumbers, diy wax dildos, diy silicone dildos, diy paper mashae dildos,

taking a sealed empty drinks bottle and using a lighter to gradually melt the outside carefully to make it shrink and form a phallic shape,

taking three hard boiled eggs and wrapping them tight in clingfilm to make a bulged egg dildo (hard to do correctly but is the best by far)

a whole manner of hand and body creams as lube, the ones with laurates sting, vicks body rub (is amazing), olive oil, mineral oil (really good), gycerine is nice in that it burns
>>
>>717073211
OMG yes I tried that when I was younger as well. I'd go as far as saying I was irritated at how dissatisfying it was.
>>
>>717073289
>diy was/silicone/paper dildos
any tips on how do? these sound pretty fun
>>
>>717073455
I know right.
It looks like that's exactly what it was designed for.
Guarantee 9/10 dudes have tried this and had the exact same feeling.
>>
>>717073289
I'd tried the glass test tubes but came to the same conclusion as with pitting the dropper up my peehole; not a good idea.

I do admire your dedication to the cause, however, with your homemade egg dildo. I am oddly curious about this but possibly not committed enough to try it.

Do you think it would be possible to make an egg fleshlight sort of arrangement?
>>
>>717073179
Could they be hydrated with warm water though? Or put in warm water to warm up to body temperature?
>>
>>717073171
While we're on desserts, cake is pretty bad too.
>>
>>717073606
haven't tried these, but actually want to go out of my way to buy one of these at the shops tomorrow
>>
>>717073893
the last cake I had was too tasty to do anything but eat
might have to get some cheap cake from shops tomorrow to try
>>
While I'm here, has anyone tried ballistics gel? It seems firm enough to be somewhat satisfying, but I don't have access to any.
>>
>>717073768
Not warm water as they take about 12hrs to absorb all the water. Yes sitting in warm water is a good shout!
>>
>>717073904
>>717073957

Honestly, don't bother, it's not really worth it other than to satisfy your curiosity that it is awful.

Perhaps you will find a better cake than I did though, good luck!
>>
>>717072141
fuck that looks great
>>
>>717073904
I don't recommend it.
But they're like a dollar, so you do you.
Report back here when you've done it.
>>
>>717074103
When can you try this for me? I'm ordering waterbeads and balloons from Amazon right now but I'm intensely curious.
>>
>>717074287
What try sitting them in warm water? Those balls aren't mine they are my sisters so don't want to move them around as well you know :P
>>
>>717073488
silicon one was bad, smelt like acetic acid and had to soak before use if i didn't want it to sting, wax one i took a pot of melted wax and repeatedly dipped a stick into it, it eventually formed a dildoish looking thing, you could control the thickness, i would reccomend the egg dildo though, literally boil 3 eggs, when cooled peel and take cling film, lay the eggs end to end in the cling film, you then have to roll it and do it tightly, without folds, folds will be uncomfortable, depending on how tight you roll it depends on thickness, you can leave it loose and have large bulges or tight, thin and no bulges, the texture of the egg feels like good silicone, different cling films have different feels as well, you definately need lube, once it is rolled you need to tie the ends in knots and make it as close to the egg as possible, and cut off the excess, the best thing about it is its easy to get hold of materials and it wont look suspicious in the bin (as long as you unwrap the cling film)
>>
>>717074561
might have to give them all a shot because I'm a desperate faggot, so thanks for the tips.
also, I'm sure boiled eggs would feel nice
also, did you ever try carving the wax one at all, or did you leave it a lumpy one?
>>
>>717074561
when putting it in, the first knot will be uncomfortable, but once it is in you dont notice it and it is amazing, i have had success with melting it flat though
>>
>>717069811
greentext it for graet justice
>>
>>717074713
its got to be smooth, with the egg dildo you really have to stretch the cling film to avoid folds, never tried carving, but i assume it would leave uncomfortable rough spots, but i iagine you could just go over it with a lighter
>>
>>717069811
honestly, it sounds bad, but fuck it why not, might as well give it a shot
>>
>>717074874
ah alright, thanks either way! you gave me something to look forward to tomorrow! =)
>>
>>717069476
check em
>>
>>717074713
IMO

egg dildo is best,

melting the bottle with a lighter (fanta bottle is best) is second best,

and use mineral oil for lube,

but just buy a dildo, they are so much better, or try anonamous gay hookup sites, the real thing is so much better,

that feel when i am now straight and in a serious relationship looking back at the shit i used to do :L
>>
>>717069536
If this gonna be that kinda party...
>>
>>717074963
dont be afraid to play with temperature, heating up in hot water or cooling in cold water,

and never lose grip on it, you do not want to be taking a trip to the ER
>>
>>717075056
I have a dildo, but wanted some variety. Should probably look into hooking up with a real man, rather than being a lonely faggot craving over cocks online. Also, never thought about a bottle. Thanks!
>>
>>717074963
I wanna know how it goes you got kik ? Add me hannahmay19001
>>
>>717075160
Don't have Kik, but might get it sicne I see a lot of dudes in dick rate threads with nice hefty cocks sharing theirs... I'm bad with usernames, so gonna think long and hard about it
>>
>>717074518
Ah, fair enough. I guess your sister doesn't know you sometimes stick your cock in her beads then?

I shall try it myself when the materials arrive. Hopefully you'll have been able to try it yourself or you'll be around when I post results.
>>
took a few doubled up rubberbands and put them around about 1/3 of the wrist area of giant inflatable boxing glove, the other 2/3s acted as some relatively tight pussy lips. the inside is what was truly surprising tho, honestly with just a little lube (and then plenty of natural lube) the texture was damn nice, blows everything else i ever tried out of the water. when you fuck it from on top, you almost get that kind of special friction you can only get with your weight coming down on top of a real pussy.

this would probably feel much better if i had heated the wrist area up beforehand somehow, hot cloth or something. try it guys!
>>
>>717075271
Heh.
I see what you did there.
>>
>>717075271
me again who suggested it, i would also like to know how it turns out, gonna get kik myself now
>>
Peanut butter
>>
>>717075378
Never tried it before but you made me wounder haha
>>
A slushy
>>
>>717075532
Well it needs doing, for science, of course.
>>
>>717069476
vacuum cleaner hose
>>
>>717075593
Wasn't that too cold?
>>
Dog poop
>>
yogurt is pretty dissatisfying imo
>>
Used my moms riding glove.
I was visiting home at the time and it happened to be in the room I was staying in.
It was in arms reach so I said fuckit, and did.
It was a winter glove so the inside was super soft and had a lot of padding.
She still uses them to this day.
I regret nothing.
>>
I actually liked it
>>
>>717075160
ok, my kik is ThreeEggs, not the guy who wants to try it, but the guy who invented it
>>
>>717069476
underwhelming
Jar of Vegemite, put it back, dad ate the whole thing over course of a few weeks, all i could do was giggle with shame as i watched him eat it

Most satisfying
a fat woman
>>
>>717069476
ur mum's pussy
>>
>>717075973
I'd assume the vegemite was too thick to be pleasurable, as well as it not forming around your dick after a couple tries?
I got 2 jars in the cupboard that barely ever gets touched, so might give it a shot
>>
>>717076109
i feel like it would just rip my dick off
>>
>>717075805
I've always wanted to try a leather glove. I would imagine it takes away the feeling of your own hand on your cock. I'm concerned about ruining the gloves with lube though.
>>
>>717076109
Do it for science.
>>
>>717076441
Never thought about that.
I came inside the glove so it was a fabric thing.
Leather as a hand feeling, but not you're own, seems like a novel idea tho.
>>
>>717070710
it can chop your dick off tho
tried it once and it only made my dick red , barely hng
>>
>>717076109
your correct, to thick to penetrate, doesnt mold around you and you have to watch your dad eat it because it felt wasteful to chuck it
was about 13 at the time, hormones suck i tried to put my dick in everything
mud,oranges,foam mattress which im pretty sure is the reason i have no feeling down there now as an adult,stuffed toys, my sub woofer that was apart of my $300 logitec surround system(fucked it literally, broke), petroleum jar, lost my virginity to a hole in the lounge
i was a pretty fucking horny kid
>>
>>717069476
>best was dog pussy
>worst was a hole in a 2ft hard as a brick zucchini I grew
>wasn't actually that bad
>>
>>717069476
Why not just use your hand? The best part of the experience is feeling a hard dick
>>
>>717073211
Came here to say that don't put your penis in this, it has a seam.
>>
Alright, I've ordered 20,000 water beads, long narrow modelling balloons, rocket balloons and some pinch balloons for the thicker rubber if I decide to do something which needs to.

I shall post a report in about 2 weeks time. Probably around the 15th January at about 10PM GMT.
>>
>>717076682
I know that feeling, or I should say lack of.
Still can't figure out what it is that did it.
Also turns out young me's death grip destroyed feeling anything good from something that isn't tighter than the asshole of an asian during a plane crash.
>>
>>717072748
>I use medical metal sounding rods intended for it.
I'm pretty sure that there aren't too many reasons to stick shit in your dick. And I'm pretty sure that rods weren't built to be jammed in your pisshole. They may make things that are 'better' for you in this retarded endeavor, but nothing belongs inside your cock. You faggots just decided that somehow it's a good idea. I honestly hope all your faggot dicks break.
>>
>>717069536
My germs!
>>
I fucked an orange
Not so good, the hole become too large too fast.
>>
>>717076779
Is it bad that this is the primary reason I want a dog?
>>
>>717076993
kek'ed

it sucks, my fingers have more feeling then my penis
death gripped it so hard one day i had to go to hospital because i damage a vein, got better after a few weeks but the vein went rock hard and felt it going into my body, thought it was going to explode
>>
>>717069476
you mean you watched Crazy Russian Hacker and got hard?
>>
>>717073211
This
>>
>>717077186
the main reason I'd want a dog (or dogs) is to suck it's dick, or let it hump me constantly
>>
>>717073211
Only 90s kids remember
>>
File: Aloe-vera.jpg (20KB, 582x309px) Image search: [Google]
Aloe-vera.jpg
20KB, 582x309px
I got a big Aloe Vera Leaf from the mexican section in a grocery. I cut the leaf length wise and folded it over my dick and fucked it.
>>
>>717076682
I was the same. Anything with a hole seemed like a plan, but I guess I was more careful. Still horny as fuck though, constantly hard and rubbing my boner through my pants when I couldn't get it out to fap or stick it in something else.

I'm still horny as duck but I blame my poor lifestyle choices for not constantly having boner. I have one mentally.
>>
>>717077382
is it any good? might finally have a use for my celery desu
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBmdo0fIZ2s satisfying
>>
>>717077234
Luckily never had to go to hospital.
But I did rub it so raw one time it bled and then couldn't fap til the scabs when away.
>>
>>717077186
With medium sized breeds there's a 50% chance that and average dick won't even come close to fitting so as long as you are prepared to raise an unfuckable dog until it dies of old age then yeah nothing wrong with the primary goal being sex.
>>
>>717076794
I do enjoy it, with and without lube, but I like to mix things up sometimes when I feel like doing stupid shit because I'm horny.
>>
>>717077382
I forgot I did this once, it was pretty good.
>>
>>717076876
Waterbeads have seams?
>>
>>717077682
Edit: Disregard, it was showing me the wrong post.
>>
>>717070816
newfag detected
>>
>>717077251
Yes, well I watched that, got curious and I haven't cum for pretty much the past 6 days. Can you blame me?

Your inference of faggotry has not been lost on me, don't worry.
>>
>>717071410
Cucumber
>>
>>717077566
What sort of breeds would be suitable, so to speak?

I am in no position to get a dog, and I like to be free of resposibilities so would probably not get one at least in the next 10 years. I'm just curious.
>>
File: 1482329325406.jpg (17KB, 424x424px) Image search: [Google]
1482329325406.jpg
17KB, 424x424px
>>717072798
Jeez.
I mean, fine. Have your fun.
I'd rather put my dick in a female
Generally my wife.
>>
>>717069476
Spaghetti
>>
>>717078273
Indeed, however not all of us have a almost constantly accessible female. Also, I like my time to myself to try stupid stuff like this.
>>
>>717078445
I tried that once but it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I thought. What was your method?
>>
>>717077987
Hollowed out?
>>
>>717078445
>>717078557
It does look like it'd be strangely satisfying.
>>
>>717078557
I put pasta in a vertically cylindrical vase and sealed it with plastic wrap for suction. I also did the same with jello
>>
Kiev dub
>>
>>717070987
I did that too. Feels good man. But my brother walked in on me doing it and now my nickname is banana peel -_-
>>
>>717078683
Hmm, I shall have to revisit this one I think.
>>
Worst was when I was a horny little shit, made some sort of homemade fleshlight with a toilet paper roll and some foil. It worked but I rubbed my dick bloody. Couldn´t fap for a week.
>>
>>717077059
>And I'm pretty sure that rods weren't built to be jammed in your pisshole.
What a sheltered life you lead.

I assume it's once a month, in the dark, missionary position?

> I honestly hope all your faggot dicks break.
Now I suspect you may be a virgin
>>
>>717079791
I actually suspect he's a eunach or is too fat to locate his dick to try any of these things.
>>
I have to leave work soon so I won't be able to check the bread any more.

Thank you /b/, its been a good thread to lose my posting virginity to.
>>
i thought the warm bottom of pancakes felt interesting. so i tried jacking off with it. what a fucking mess
>>
Warm banana peel, its amazing
Nsturally lubbed with a great texture
>>
>>717080472
Dear Jesus,

may you please give this man cancer

Thank you lord.
>>
File: mayallahhavemercy.png (437KB, 1261x559px) Image search: [Google]
mayallahhavemercy.png
437KB, 1261x559px
>>717071554
>>
>>717080655
We've had banana peel. I had one warmed up once after putting it in my anus. That was how I discovered I really am not gay.
>>
>>717080794
Yes, basically that. I feel that man should have spoken to 1 man 1 jar guy.
>>
>>717080782
I already have cancer. Fuck you.
>>
>>717080794
I still don´t understand how people can be this retarded.
>>
>>717072807
And your arms heavy ?
>>
>>717082202
I very nearly was. I think it comes the blood flow being diverted from your brain to your cock.
>>
>>717082281
Yes. I might try sitting down next time if the shower hose and my cock are long enough.
>>
>>717070987
Banana Shark?
>>
>>717082524
Wat?
>>
>>717081109
Do you expect a medal? Just go die quietly and stop with the drama queen histrionics
>>
My dog
>>
File: 0.jpg (14KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]
0.jpg
14KB, 480x360px
>>717076779
How do you get a female dog to willingly fuck a human dick?
>>
>>717082800
I don't really but thank you for falling for the bait.

Good use of vocabulary but your grammar is awful.

4/10.
>>
>tasty as fuck
>makes dick pretty smooth (oils)
peanut butter is good, thanks
>>
>>717083258
This. For purely scientific reasons.

Does anyone have a female dog I can borrow? Preferably overnight.
>>
>>717083412
>I don't really
I know you didn't. But my post got you to respond.

I'm glad you appreciate my vocabulary; as far as grammar goes, I sometimes miss prepositions or conjunctions for speed and occasionally for effect.
>>
File: 109.png (41KB, 755x627px) Image search: [Google]
109.png
41KB, 755x627px
>>717083412
That wasn't me (op). I'd also laugh at your "cancer" tho. Pic related 4 you
>>
>>717070289
>chiks put everything in the house inside of them
yea maybe if they are as horny as they are in your hentais all the time..
>>
ur mom m8
>>
>>717083697
You're right, it did.

You're just showing off now, but I'm somewhat impressed that your English skills somewhat exceed the normal capacity of the average person.
>>
>>717073211

Wow, came to post exactly this. Most unsatisfying experience ever.
>>
>>717084081
>I'm somewhat impressed that your English skills somewhat exceed the normal capacity of the average person.
Classical English education and voracious reading are wonderful things
>>
>>717069476
>mfw there was a bowl of these in the bathroom at a friend's house and i never even considered dicking them
>>
>>717084751
(cont)
Forgot to add - two incidences of "somewhat" spoil your sentence. You could have replaced the last by adding "...by a considerable margin" at the end of the sentence - it would improve the flow.

Yes, I'm being an arse now, just for the hell of it.
>>
>>717071041
Have yall read the mini story by Chuck Palahniuk about the guy who tried sounding with wax from a candle and it slid all the way down and gave him terrible pains?
>>
>>717084751
I am not educated in Classical English, but my mother was always keen to use concise vocabulary. Unfortunately my own knowledge was diminished by 7 years of working at McDonald's and having to use single syllable words with colleagues and the general public.
>>
>>717085026
I agree. I would normally have proofread but my posting time budget is limited; if I take too long typing, I'll get asked what I'm doing and then I'd have to explain to my girlfriend that sometimes I want to put my dick in something that isn't her.

English Naziing is one of my other hobbies, however.
>>
>>717085005
I think you need to arrange a sleepover at your friend's house.
>>
>>717085330
>7 years of working at McDonald's and having to use single syllable words with colleagues and the general public
To use the vernacular, that must have sucked balls
>>
Unexpected and oddly satisfying

A cushion, had two in my bedroom when I was hitting puberty. One night I unzipped it, stuck my dick in and started to fuck it. No lube but was ok once I started... It felt so good when I shot my wad. Used them nearly every day.

Unexpected and unsatisfying:
A bag of glass marbles, with shampoo as lube. Cant even think why I thought i would be good.
>>
>>717086685
I feel like waterbeads might be an upgrade from Marbles. Would you try it?
>>
>>717086386
I feel as if my IQ has been diminished by the affair.
>>
when I was about 13 I put a slice of buttered bread in the microwave, took it out and wrapped it around my dick and used it to fap for a few minutes. was really nice while it was warm
>>
>>717087306

Probably not, cant see it feeling any better than the marbles. But if Im in a store that sells them I might give it a go (at home not the store)
>>
>>717087306
Wouldn't that not feel like really anything, since they would be firm enough?
>>
>>717078269
Everyone wants to fuck a husky but they are pretty much on the borderline of being too small. As long as the average weight of the breed is +70lb you should be good. Because the puppy you get could end up being a runt in the litter that ends up being way smaller than the breed standard.

Stuff like German shepherds, labs, malamutes, Danes, those huge fucking sheep dogs that chase the cheetahs in Africa, stuff like that. This is advice is all geared towards getting a puppy which you will also have to wait 1-2 years for large breeds until the are developed enough to fuck.

If you adopt an already grown dog then then the average breed size doesn't matter at that point, it could be a mutt, you just have to look at the dog in person and size it up as best you can. Try not to get anything under 50lbs though.

Tricky part with adopting an adult is 99.99999% of them are spayed and the most common type of spaying makes it impossible to fuck them.
>>
Bottle of paint stripper.

DO. NOT. DO. THIS. I REPEAT.... DO NO DO THIS.
>>
>>717083258
>Rub belly
>Rub pussy
>Insert finger half a millimeter into the wetness of her pussy and she starts going into humping convulsions grinding on my finger
>I assume some dogs are more reserved, but mine is apparently a thirsty bitch
>>
>>717071510
Girls can come from pleasuring their vag hole. Protip: just get a big enough object to fill you and it feels pretty good
>>
>>717072798
Put into balloon
Thread posts: 207
Thread images: 13


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible.
Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/


If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
DMCA Content Takedown via dmca.com
All images are hosted on imgur.com.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoins at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties.
Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site.
This means that RandomArchive shows their content, archived.
If you need information for a Poster - contact them.