Thread 2: It's time /b/. You have been taken as a class

certain type of bread

>>716526007
i'll bite, what are you gonna throw at me?

LETS DO IT!

Rollerino, let's see what comes from it

big money. big money. big money !

>>716526007
Roll

>>716526530
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-530

ok, i like where this is going

i play with the dog for a whole day, i feed it two times with the food the facility provides me.

and i taught him how to piss in a corner giving him a bone shaped cookie.

nothing happened during testing except the fact at one point he grew 12 legs and a head, and changed into a brown-shit color

i move on to the next day to find out my next SCP is...

>>716526634

Well, regardless of what i'll do, i guess i'll survive the first SCP, so, rollerino for the second one!

>>716526788
OK SO I just gotta talk to a carp made of lava. Doable

Roll for number 2

roll number 2

>>716527051
>Pick up some doll that causes miscarriages. I'm a dude, easy peasy

Here comes number 3

>>716526007
Well here goes nothin'

Rolling for 1st round

>>716526944
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-944

I'm fucked.

i guess i'm dead?

OP how do we deal with SCP's like these? are we supposed just fantasize how we die or survive?

also rolling to see what's my number 3 out of curiosity

>>716526958

So, i will survive this SCP as well, regardless of what i'll so. Rollerino for the last one before i get terminated by the Foundation

Roulerbouler

>>716527360
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-360

Well if I perform the ritual correctly above altitude then I ascend to godhood and I'm never seen or heard from again. So I win? But the point of this one is that they don't want anyone to do it so they wouldn't send me in to perform it? Need a second opinion lol.

>>716527787

I guess that either the Plane that never was or the Foundation will kill me. It was fun guys, see you on the other side!

>>716526007
Okay

>>716527982
i doubt you'd survive it, you're a class D

they won't give you the materials you need to actually complete the ritual i think

>>716528336
Second Roll Inbound... At least on the first one I just lost some tissue...

>>716527978
It seems that I want to go pooping

D-Roll-Le

>>716528646
I survived but eww.. ok rolling again

>>716528807

Unless you've got Chuck Norris levels of self control i guess Cholesterol is gonna get you.. GG for SCP 807 i guess?

Fuck me up fam'

>>716528786
Giant funnel, change dimension of thing passing through by a factor of 12. Won't go inside.

>>716528683
Rôle

>>716526007
Mem

>>716526007
Please be kind...

>>716529284
>>716529284
Aww yeah! Twins ;) Roll two!~

>>716529879
A sexually attractive whale that absorbs people
Well, as OP said I have to stick my dick in it
And doing so = death

>>716529641
Passed-out trying to disassemble a matryoshka doll with so much layers. When I woke up the doll was fully reassembled. Shouted insults to it and left it in place

>>716529937
Ok, just some bug leaves in Melanesia, nothing too scary. Guess I'll take some samples and make sure the roots are fertilized. Next...

Item #: SCP-937

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-937 specimens are to remain at Site-92, located at [REDACTED] in Melanesia. Site-92 is listed by its host government as a UNESCO World Heritage Site and is off limits for all but selected personnel, all of whom are Foundation researchers and security staff. SCP-937 hives in the wild are to be quarantined and incinerated.

Description: SCP-937 is a strangler fig tree, closely related to Ficus watkinsiana, and has been classified as Ficus formicidae in [DATA EXPUNGED]. SCP-937 appears very similar to other strangler fig trees for most of its life cycle, although its reproductive process is unique.

When SCP-937 matures, it begins to flower and bear fruit, designated SCP-937-2. The flowers are apparently self-pollinating, as opposed to other fig trees. When developed, the "fruit" are insectoid in appearance, with a head, thorax, abdomen and six legs, growing up to five centimeters in length. SCP-937-2 specimens have a convergent anatomy with insects, including a cellulose exoskeleton, spiracles and heart analogues, but lacking a proper digestive tract. SCP-937-2 have leafy growths on the back that resemble wings, with ripe specimens hardening to a flattened wing of fibrous, papery tissue, reminiscent of a maple seed's rotors.

scp937-2-small.png
SCP-937-2, Forager Subtype
Once it is fully developed, an individual will detach itself temporarily and begin to walk around and tend its parent tree. SCP-937-2 will forage for plant and animal matter and use such to fertilize the roots of not only its host plant, but also any other nearby instances of SCP-937. The various subtypes SCP-937-2 "fruit" behave rather in the manner of ants with the parent SCP-937 functioning as both hive and queen.

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No whammy

>>716529831
Oh shit

rooooooool1

>>716530657
Now I'm meeting with the Undertakers version of Rain man. I wonder if he likes board games, I'll shake his hand and have a friendly chat, I'm sure my impending doom will be revealed to me during our checkers game. On to the next...

Item #: SCP-657

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-657 is to be kept in a room 8m x 8m at site 19 with a queen sized bed and any other reasonable furnishings as requested by SCP-657.

SCP-657 is allowed to freely move about the grounds of site 19, so long as SCP-657 is accompanied by at least one staff member of at least level-2 security. Following experiment 657/076, SCP-657 is no longer allowed to leave his room. SCP-657 is to be allowed additional leeway with requests for entertainment following this loss of freedom in order to ensure the mental health of SCP-657. Two staff members of at least level-2 security are to be stationed at SCP-657's room in order to monitor SCP-657 and ensure that he does not leave. Staff members are to avoid physical contact with SCP-657 unless it becomes necessary to restrain him or for his own safety.

SCP-657 is to be fed three meals per day, provided with a daily multivitamin, and given a supply of medication for the treatment of his arthritis.

Description: SCP-657 appears to be a Caucasian male approximately fifty five years of age. SCP-657 is mostly bald, with a small amount of gray hair remaining. 1.75 meters in height, 77 kilograms. Subject prefers to wear three-button business suits, generally charcoal gray or navy blue in color, as well as bowler hats. All medical tests indicate that SCP-657 is an ordinary human male in his fifties of reasonably good health. SCP-657 prefers to be addressed as "Gustav" or "Mr. Nobel", but will also respond to his SCP designation.

SCP-657 displays the ability to predict the time of an individual's death with extreme accuracy. In order to make a prediction, SCP-657 requires physical contact with the individual.

>>716526007
TIME TO STICK MY DICK IN SOME COSMIC HORRORS

>>716530270
Phone with weird noises and cryptic talks. Nothing to see here. That was the third one for me.

>>716531430
I can't stick my dick in a cylinder prison and also I'm dead I guess

toyota ca-roll-a

>>716531423
Well, looks like I'll be slated for termination. At least I got to see some cool stuff.

>>716531840
easily survived, scp 840, you are like a little child, watch this

My first

>>716526007
okay lets go... Nr. 1

>>716532019
also easily survived, scp 019, you are weak and pathetic, watch this

>>716532133
next Nr. 2

>>716532068
Nicee, second

>>716532309
lol dead 2 times already :D Nr.3

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>>716530877

Item #: SCP-877

Object Class: Euclid Keter

Special Containment Protocols: All copies of SCP-877 are to be kept in electromagnetically sealed containers in the Site 19 storage vault. Containers are to be fitted with radio receivers set to scan all frequencies for incoming or outgoing transmissions. A log of previously used frequencies is to be kept on file. Any transmission from any copy of SCP-877 is to be reported immediately to Site 19 command. All efforts are to be made to capture as many specimens of SCP-877 as possible, to determine any of the object's other abilities.

Description: SCP-877 is a set of four ten twelve microchips acquired between 199█ and 201█ from the cerebral cortices of different small mammals. Animals found to contain copies of SCP-877 include, but are not limited to, Sciurus carolinensis (the eastern gray squirrel), Felis catus (the domestic cat), and Eumops perotis (the western mastiff bat). The microchips are unmarked except for small stamps, readable only by electron microscope, that read “ALEXYLVA UNIVERSITY BIOLOGY DEPT,” followed by “GENERATION” and a number. However, no records exist of an institution named “Alexylva University.” Moreover, the abilities of these microchips are beyond the technological capability of any known laboratory to create.

Copies of SCP-877 have a potential processing speed of 3.3x10██ million instructions per second at ██ terahertz and storage capability estimated at ███ petabytes. The chips are capable of interfacing with and controlling the motor functions of host creatures, though it will usually allow the animals' instincts to carry out routine affairs (eating, nesting, mating etc.)

Assuming it cant jedi mind rape me i have a chill as fuck time asking it dumb questions and trying to get it to host a radio show

>>716532336
Last one

>>716532296
i have been turned into a monster and have been subsequently terminated by foundation agents

Rawlins

Sometimes it's best not to survive. Roll 1

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>>716532618

Item #: SCP-618

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-618 are kept in individual airtight containers within a larger climate controlled humidor. The climate control system for the humidor has been adapted to collect all products of SCP-618 and store them in pressurized tanks.

All personnel who interact with SCP-618 are to wear level A/type 1 hazardous material protective suits. In the event of accidental exposure to the byproducts of SCP-618, personnel are authorized to request termination prior to the onset of anomalous effects.

Description: SCP-618 is a collection of 37 (originally 50) parejo-style cigars without brand identification. SCP-618 instances continually exude a colorless gas containing several volatile aromatics, which give it a characteristic smell of burning or smokiness. This gas additionally contains several previously unknown compounds which act as mild hallucinogens and opiates while in gaseous form. Although there is no detectable anomalous compulsion to smoke SCP-618, the pleasant, addictive compounds they exude tends to influence those directly exposed to them, with the end result that affected individuals are more likely to want to consume SCP-618.

Once lit, the smoke produced by SCP-618 contains greater amounts of the abnormal compounds found in the original gas, as well as a highly allergenic compound. At concentrations greater than 100 ppm, this allergen produces hives, blisters, and weeping rashes on all living mammalian dermal tissues within 30 seconds of making contact. If left untreated, these will rapidly develop into open skin lesions as the dermal tissue necrotizes. Exposed nerve endings are anaesthetized by the opiates found in the smoke, which reduces the likelihood that affected organisms will notice the damage.

Knowing my inner stoner id probably resist lighting until the final moments and drown myself in it. Dead. Last roll for shits

>>716533384
As long as a destroy the fuck out of the door I'll be fine

Roll 1: A Star Wars Story

>>716534122
Roll2

>>716534415
Roll3

Rolling for something utterly terrifying.

>>716534365
And I drowned. Perfect. Good luck for you all

>>716534727
Okay, I'm disfigured, but still alive. I'll walk it off. Next!

>>716526007
rolling

>>716535031
I've fallen in love with a giant, formless, biological mass. It rejected me due to my hideous disfigurement. Next!

>>716535359
Made contact with a giant, mechanical red hawk during an acceptable time. I managed to determine its underlying functions and I used it to escape the facility once it became active at 0600 hours. It dropped me while flying in the air so I died anyway.

>>716526007
roll

>>716526007
rollerino

Rolland

>>716526007
Let's start I guess

>>716526007
Welp, lets see what is going to kill me.

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>>716526007
>lost the game

>>716537027
Second roll

>>716536869
I'll just wait for the incorrect conditions and everything is fine, next plz

>>716535636
We'll fuck, iam now Mia in some pocket dimension

>>716537226
I just made a 1000 piece puzzle of a picture of my pet cat mutilated. Can I please have my deadly roll now?

I'm in

>>716537783
Prob ded or mutated but leggo

>>716537711
Now that I've sent string 17, I can be euthanized in peace knowing that my shitposting has doomed them all.
>I win

>>716526007
rewwwwwwwwwwwwww

>>716538574
And im already fucked

Yee

Deal faggot. Ill do my first roll. For everyone to see my username is: Lightvedar

>>716539468
Ok first one was very easy. Now move to the next. Username: Lightvedar roll 2.

>>716539642
So i guess im useless now
>Under no circumstances are human males with functioning testicular tissue to come into contact with SCP-642-1 or samples taken from SCP-642-1.
Anyway Username:Lightvedar roll 3

>>716526007
rolling

r

>>716526007
rolla

>>716539832
Wow easiest rolls ever. Exept for roll 2 ofcorse. I burned my genitals.
Ok wow easy af
- Lightvedar

>>716539880
rolling 2

>>716540018
ezpz final roll

>>716539913
again

r

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>>716526007
roll

o

>>716539912
o

>>716540195
last one

Plz

the fuck is this shit

Roll 2

>>716526007
Roll

Survivo! 1/3

Roll 3 . So far safe

Roll 2

>>716540759

Alright, time to survive 2/3!

Roll 3

>>716540476
ll

i dont get it, what do you do? the only thing that came up for mine is just a pargraph about a spider/ im confused as to what im actually doing here

>>716526007
rowling

>>716526007
uno

>>716541098

Last one, hope I get to escape 3/3

>>716526007
Roll A

>>716541510
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1510
That's pretty weird

Roll B

roll 2

>>716541576
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1576
That's creepy

Roll C

>>716526007
ROLLING cause this seems pretty cool

First Roll

roll3

>>716541629
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1629
That's pretty weird

>>716541378

Fuck, got euthanized and have my brain used as a home

Roll 1

Rollio

Roll 2

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Groll

>>716541655
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-655
Considering there isn't always an SCP instance at the location, I'd likely be safe for a day.

ROLL 2

>>716526007
Kill me now

>>716541705
Roll 2

>>716526007
rollin

Roll 3

>>716542289
I probably won't be in here for a whole 24 hours and if I keep changing up my speed I guess it doesn't affect me as drastically. Besides once I leave it's area of effect I'm fine.

raul 1

first roll

First roll.
>Rolling for safe or euclid.

>>716542330
Round 2

>>716541531
Brass cat nonsense. Roll 2

First roll

>>716526007
rolleroonies

>>716542552
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-552
Easy, he doesn't really have any sort of effect on me.
That was number 3, guess I survived!

Welp guess ill have to stick my dick in it

>>716542442
Roll 3

>>716542620
easy enough, second roll

>>716542753
Alright, class safe, it can't really hurt me. Second roll.

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Da stori uv munki boi startz aff wit munki boi jurkign hiis dong aff ass usaul, butt munki den fuond aut dat hee wass a niger wit a stile-less carakter wit a funy fase. so hee kilss himmsalf daed. poor munki boi :{ hee waas succ a guod nigero :D

>>716526007
rollin

rell

>>716542888
got trips, not bad. Last roll

>>716542895
Assuming that as a class D test subject I won't be allowed to operate any actual equipment and will simply be viewing the coffin in person, which will have no effect on me, so I'm still fine. Third roll.

>>716542647
Got a cardboard box that eats people. Provided it has fed in the past week, I endure. Roll #2.

>>716543039
how are those monkeys suppose to help me escape. at least i am not in real danger.

rerool

>>716542705
Round 3

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>>716543029
Oh fuck off

>>716526007
ok i'm game

Roll 1

Great thread. Rolling for 1

>>716543365
Well shit man that's probably the worst. Well, the worst besides any sort of eternal torture ones

Lets see how horribly I die...

>>716543326
either the runs away or she throws me 4 meter. probably broken bones.

last rerrol

>>716543236
I got microscopic crabs that are incredibly skiddish and can detonate like 9.07kg of C4. Dedz. Reverting to roll #1.

roll uno

>>716543413
parking structure - rated as safe....

OK next

I am a jew.

>>716526007
Roll one 2093

>>716543797
fuck, ded on the first try. reroll

>>716526007
Bored. Why not

>>716542903
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-903
Interesting...Not quite sure how this one works. I guess if they just assign me to place objects in the cart then I should be safe. If they actually put me in the cart my fate is uncertain.

I'm gonna hope for the former and roll again.

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>>716543365
gonna do 029 last then.
roll number 3 FTW

>>716543976
>If they actually put me in the cart my fate is uncertain.
Not sure why this sentence is the funniest thing to me.

>>716543917
Easy. Take 2?

>>716543755
Graffiti artist that sprays the message, "Look for the white bird." whoever reads it dies in an accident involving said bird. Not looking at his graffiti. Alive at last.

>>716526007
juan

>>716543553
553 - I wear protective gear and carefully avoid pissing those little bastards off. Probably survive. Round 2.

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>>716543896
SAFE
Roll two

>>716543899
2

>>716543976
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-976

Classified as safe so I'm good.

Rollin.

>>716542581
raul 2

Roll2

>>716544205
2

>>716544213
3

roll2

>>716543799
meh.... living blanket no big deal... good for getting rid of crumbs if on lap while eating...

last roll...

>>716544215
raul 3

>>716542720
Crane that makes solar systems, NUMBER 3 TIME

>>716544086
Also easy... euthanization for me?

roll3

>>716543752
well fuck, either i hide or they kill me. anywy im screwed.

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>>716544209
Safe aslong as im the only one near it
Roll three

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>>716526007
LET'S ROLL!

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>>716544083
Not as bad as 029 i guess

>>716544256
Round 2

>>716544301
a wormhole..... well if I survive the experiment I should be far enough away to escape... freedom here I ....

Roll 1

>>716544159
An open sign that, when turned off, renders a building impregnable. Hell yeah. Rollin to live on 3.

>>716544837
Survived first roll
Roll 2

>>716544207
Shitty. If I drink 5 ml or more I get super powers but I die within 48 hours. I drink 1 ml if I have a choice. If not I face the next SCP with improved abilities

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>>716544666
Still alive, ROLLING AGAIN!

>>716544953
OH HOLY SHIT I GOT AN SCP THAT'S MOST COMMON FORM IS A FOX GIRL!
On the other hand, she'll stab you and remove your liver...
By the way it also has nine tails.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-953

r0ll

>>716544214
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-214

Not too clear on how contagious it is. I guess me getting infected won't kill me, just make me go insane / have mercury blood or whatever.

>>716526007
OK...

>>716545292
Apparently it's also terrified of dogs.
So, when I'm sent in (with dogs in the room) I'll probably stick my dick in it.

>>716544814
Round 3

>>716545031
Literally just spent some time with a blob thing and i probably fucked it im safe
Roll 3 lets go baby

>>716526007
rolll

Roll 2
(If I presumably survived)

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>>716545246
>>716544666
ONCE AGAIN I ROLL!

Second roll

>>716545419
So I have to look at a fucking mirror? Big deal, next

>>716544622
Deah by dehydration

reee

>>716545593
Crap, I think I'm dead.

REEEEEEEEE

>>716545546
round 2

RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's Roll 1

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Here I go.

>>716545709
K... Then I looked through another fucking window. Holy shit this is stupid

>>716545291
>>716545692
Third roll

>>716526007
rollan for science

>>716545469
Killed by an "angel" who feeds on sound and has wings that are razor sharp and emit a neurotoxin that cause blinding amounts of pain until lapsing into shock.

>>716545786
time for 3

>>716526007
rolling

>>716526007

Good idea OP. Rollin'

>>716545547
Second Roll
This is what I got:
Item #: SCP-547

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-547 is to be stored inside a plain black envelope which in turn is to be stored in the security deposit box located in Dr ██████’s office. No Foundation employee is to access SCP-547 without Dr ██████’s consent, and SCP-547 itself should only be handled by test subjects. Please note that any persons exposed to SCP-547's effects are subject to class D status.

Description: SCP-547 is an off-white standard size business card (85 mm x 55 mm) for ███████ ██████, a licensed hypnotherapist from ███████████, UK. The front of the card is unremarkable and inert. On the reverse, the phrase “Je pense donc…?” is written in black ball-point pen. The modified side of SCP-547 is a cognitohazard and should be treated with the relevant precautions.

In all cases, reading and understanding the phrase has ultimately resulted in a complete loss of personality, and a greatly reduced awareness of self. Test subjects have been able to perform most basic tasks, and nearly all are still capable of speech. Subjects are, however, incapable of any subjective thought and emotion beyond the rational and immediate. The effects of SCP-547 are degenerative, with full manifestation occurring approximately ten weeks after exposure.

I assume I survived.

>>716526007

Big money, big money, big money.
No whammy, no whammy, no whammy...

rollerino

>>716545888
So I looked through a couple mirrors then touched a rock. Scary shit guys

Also check em

Rollerino 3.

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i really hope i fuck this one

>>716545999
I definitely passed round one. Roll again.

>>716546256
5th roll still alive

>>716526007
roll

>>716545842
fug. ded. :DDD

rollingi

>>716546364

i'm still alive. SCP 364 does not kill upon penile contact

roll
was in last thread

So I got a flesh eating colony of naked mole rats that also give you tumors.

>>716546222

Safe! (Also trips!)
Roll #2...
Big money, big money, big money,
No whammy, no whammy, no whammy...

Let's Roll 2

>>716546539
easy roll 2

>>716546613
wonder bread
rolling again

>>716545899
I think I got out with heavy memory loss.

Moving on ->

>>716546554
boo-hoo a fucking building
this be ez, roll

>>716546489
Round two passed. Here's hoping for a true win!

I'm wanting a challenge.A fight for my life

>>716546755
graffiti faggot
roll 3

rollan

>>716546676

Well, fuck. Boiled alive. Alas, my earlier trips did not save me.

>>716546893
fat cunt
i win

>>716546120

Might be able to use that to escape if I get the right teleport, but probably dead.

Rolling again.

NegroSexMan

>>716546789
a fucking pedo-hunting desktop
this be ez x2, third roll

>>716546706
still alive i guess? im not sure

Let's Roll 3

>>716526007
Fuckin ROLLIN

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I'm ready

>>716546841
Lame reroll

First round give me death

>>716547036

Probably good here too. Last roll.

>>716546825
No true win, but I probably survived and was thankful for being euthanised.

>>716547169
scp-169? the leviathan? somebody help, am i dead yet?

>>716526007
Fuck yeah round 2

>>716526007
VAMODALE

I would become an orangutan or something but at least I would survive.

>>716547632
reroll

yoyo

help

>>716547441

Solid, I got Satan in goat form for my last one. Def dead.

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I want a maelstrom of shit to invade my urethra