Feels thread: Holiday Special How's everyone's

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Contributing what little I have.

>>716231280
It could be better.
Spent $600 on friends and fam. Made me feel good.
But I've been trying to find someone, anyone really. Call me a faggot, but I really want to cuddle with someone under warm blankets and be comfy.
Fuck me if it isn't difficult to find that.

>>716231895
Nothing gay about that, anon. I've found myself wishing desperately for just that same luxury recently. It's good that you're giving to others, though. I myself popped into a beg thread earlier and played santa for a while. Feels good to make people happy, even if nobody will ever know it was you or ever remember.

Well, I finally got my driver's license. I have my eyes on a car, but they're still working on it. I met a girl from here that I was really interested in, but I guess she got tired of me and is now ignoring me and I have no idea why. Granted, it would never have worked due to the distance, but I had a lot of fun with her. A shame it ended. Overall, I'm pretty bummed this winter.

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We approach the inevitable image limit one bump at a time.

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>>716232380
Nothing hurts worse than being ignored. I myself was just talking to a really sweet girl who just stopped replying out of nowhere. Probably wouldn't mind it so much if it weren't for those god-damned read receipts.

Distance is a killer, though. No luck with people in your area, I take it?

>>716232251
I did the same a couple days ago.
Prolly about $100 to a beg thread.

But the cuddling thing has gotten to a point that I'll consider doing it with a good looking dude.
The lack of physical contact I have is killing me.
2-3 days out of the week I have zero human interaction. I don't even know how I do this working a full time job.
Actually coworker just today says he feel like he hasn't seen me in three week. I didn't know how to respond so I blurted something about lying low.
So now I sit here getting drunk waiting for the touch of another human being, not for the lack of trying.

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>>716232798
I know that feel, man. Ever get the sudden urge to just hug someone, but hold yourself back because it wouldn't be socially acceptable to do so at the time?

>>716233040
Fuck, are you me.
I get that like everyday.
There's this coworker and she's so sweet and nice. I just want to hug her like nobodies business.
But she's married and the job I have really frowns upon contact.

>>716233040
No homo
But I wish you could hold me.
Drink some hot coco and watch netflix.

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>>716233309
Frowns upon contact? What do you do, work in the CDC or something?

Just kidding, but yeah, I've felt that recently, so the fact that you're feeling it too means there's probably something to it. After all, there's a reason babies need so much human contact. Fucks you up if you're deprived of it.

Here's some feels tunes for you, /b/ro
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsO4sVOOSSc

>>716233756
Hey man, that actually sounds pretty great. So long as it's no homo, that is ;)

>>716231961
Sounds like EAP

>>716233981
Both me. I'm drunk as I said.
But I'm army. It's gotten really sjw.

For real though. To be able to put my arms around anyone would be great. I think to prove I'm not alone.

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>>716234229
What's EAP? Can't say I recognize that term.

>>716234488
Yikes, I've been told as much, yeah. I hope you find someone, regardless of those dumb rules.

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There's no such thing as villains. Just people who gave up on being heroes.

>>716235079
That scene genuinely brought me to tears. Anon, you have fantastic taste.

I remember when I was a kid and Christmas was magical. Santa was real and I couldn't wait for his visit. I would wake up ridiculously early to see the presents under the tree. Then my family and I would spend the morning in our PJs opening presents while the snow fell gently outside of the window.

This year I'm spending Christmas alone.
I don't talk to my parents anymore.
There is no more Christmas magic, no more Santa, no more presents. There isn't even anymore fucking snow

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>>716235486

>>716234935
Edgar Allan Poe

>>716231280
>Consumed about 3.5 gallons of vodka since the beginning of this month

Quick question, I've got severe depression (clinically diagnosed). Is it possible to be depressed enough to lose the will to fap?

Sharing feels and stories don't help me a bit, so I just drink/smoke until my crazy goes away after a month or three.

>might be bipolar thinking about it
>psychiatrist threw mood stabilizers that made me a lot worse
>sticking to clinical severe depression because nobody can help

>>716232251
I almost wish I were really gay. I've jerked off to gay porn and even sucked a couple dicks to try and convince myself, but I just can't get into it.
No matter how homosexual I act, I still can't kiss a guy or even look him in the face while being intimate.

I just want someone.

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>>716235720
To answer your question, absolutely. In fact, one of the principal symptoms of depression is decreased sexual desire. I'm sorry to hear that drugs didn't help. I wish I could offer you any sort of advice, but I can at least offer you my ear, and a firm shoulder. You're not alone, Anon.

>>716235799
This goes for you too, friend. You'll always have Anonymous.

>>716236275
I've heard all the patronizing stuff, it's all saccharine to me now. I mean I'm sure you mean well but how I perceive any sort of contact is skewed as fuck and I know it is; but it never changes.

Figured, usually halfway though drinking (which was the only way I could fap without sad thoughts) I'll just think, 'fuck it, might as well get more drunk'. Been having a lot more vivid dreams as of this month, my first nightmare in a decade; figure it's episodic memory.

>>716235486
Why don't you talk to your parents?

It's going pretty well, spending Christmas eve at the GFs and then on Christmas day she's coming over, had a ring specially made (stole her favorite ring that was about to break) and had it remade with better materials. Atm it's pretty good, but shit usually explodes after being good for too long

>>716236611
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as patronizing. I'm just trying to help, though admittedly I can't really do much most of the time ._.

I, too, have been having more vivid dreams recently, and also have had my first nightmares in several years. For some reason they've gone away over the past two weeks, and I'm not really sure why. Could be less stress, or it could be more sleep. I'm not sure. I hope you are able to figure out whatever it is that fixes it.

>>716231895
You sound like you're good enough to get something good enough. Keep being you.

pls keep posting, i need to feel, make me feel /b/

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>>716236942
thus is the nature of living

>>716236976
I'm sure you didn't come off like that, I'm just paranoid and I haven't spoken to anyone but my dog/occasionally parents for the last 3 months.

My mind's fucked, that's all I can really say apart from that stupid shit: It's not you, it's me (but it really is me).

Read that alcohol can cause vivid dreams but that's never happened to me before, it was always just falling asleep, waking up to pee, getting a drink of water, and falling asleep again.

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>>716236942
Also had some sushi today and got a haircut now I'm laying in bed with my cat, so today actually has been pretty good, for once I'm having a good day

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>>716231280
I just don't want to live alone anymore.

My life is basically being kicked in the dick every 5 minutes, while "Chum" is playing in the background

>>716237777
checkd pal

You may like my story, you may not. Whatever the case, this all OC. This is my life story.
>be me
>13
>7th grade
>haven't hit puberty yet
>constantly picked on/ beaten up for it
>chads at my school make fun of me for not having hair on my balls yet
>humiliate me publicly by beating me to the floor in the boys locker room, drag me outside and pull my pants down
>basically constantly humiliated in front of girls
>hate myself, want to an hero
>one day after being beaten to shit on the way home from school, I felt a presence help me back up
>heard the sweetest voice i've ever heard ask "are you ok? do you want me to get you some bandages or something?"
>open my one good eye (one was kinda swollen shut I remember)
>just kinda smiled and said yes
>prettiest thing I'd ever seen
>forrest seeing jenny for the first time is a good analogy
>she held my hand and walked with me to her house
>first time someone who wasn't in my family showed me affection or compassion
>I fell for her right then and there
>she took me inside to her living room couch and sat me down
>brought me some ice, band aids and a glass of lemonade
>just kinda laid back while she iced my face
>that was some warm ice
>end up just watching TV together while she tried to get me to open up and talk to her
>eventually broke down
>close to tears, just tell her everything
>tell her I hate myself, I don't know why people are like that to me, never did anything but be nice to them
>she just hugs me
>after a minute she whispered "well I like you, you're nice and I think you're cute"

>>716238197
>adrenaline.gif
>what the fuck
>I was cute
>a girl liked me
>watched TV until 8 or 9
>she fell asleep on my shoulder
>didn't want it to end
>eventually her dad came home from some dinner thing he went to
>wasn’t mad or anything that I was there
>I think he pitied me
>got home at 9:15 or something
>parents were pissed at first, but they saw that I got beat to hell again and let it go
>start going over to her house everyday after school
>become closer as the year goes on
>her family eventually gets to know me and adores me
>almost like part of her family, over there so much
>gets to the point where we are inseparable
>chads begin picking on her too because she's seen with me a lot
>she doesn't seem to care but I feel terrible because of it
>slowly cut off contact because I hate seeing her get picked on
>She catches on and tells me she doesn't care and to stop
>cave in immediately
>sometimes when I had a really bad day I would sneak over to her house at night and cuddle with her
>thought her dad caught me sneaking over one night, turns out his family knew a lot more about what was going on at school than I thought
>her dad kinda knew already, totally fine with it
>tells me I'm always welcome there
>says just ask if I need something
>cuddle her to bed a lot more
>feelsgoodman

>>716238251
>life went on like this for a while
>summer came and things got better
>did everything together that summer
>got invited on a road trip with her family to the grand canyon
>a lot of the trip was her sleeping on my chest or me sleeping with my head in her lap in the back of a suburban
>when we got to grand canyon national park we spent 5 hours feeding peanut butter crackers to chipmunks with her brother
>walked around some trail with some BS special significance to see the sunset
>it was special to me for a different reason
>held her hand
>basically just walked around smiling like a tard
>trying to go somewhere with no people
>got to this half ledge thing and sat down
>kinda stared off for a while, very scenic to be honest
>then she leaned over on me and whispered
>"you know anon, I love you, really"
>kinda froze for a sec
>I don't know why, looking back on it, but I wasn't sure what to say
>she seemed to get kinda nervous
>"do you love me back, anon?"
>looked at her and told her that I loved her since the day she put ice on me when I got beat up
>stared awkwardly at her for a good 60 seconds before I finally worked up the balls to go in for a kiss
>I wasn't very good, but she was
>fucking perfect
>we sat there for a long time after the sun set
>I just held her in my skinny arms
>kissed her a few more times

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>>716237777
I certainly know the feeling, Anon. The holidays tend to do that to you, don't they? If you remember that one Charlie Brown Christmas special, you'll know what I mean. For those who are happy, the holidays are a wonderful time. But for those of us who are lonely, it's just a painful reminder of how horrible it all feels.

>>716237992
That's some vivid imagery right there. Tell me your woes, Anon. The owl listens.

>>716238317
>we forgot to go back 5 minutes after sunset like we said
>her dad came looking for us but was relieved to see we were just sitting there, not dead or stuck
>kids had their own tents that trip so I got to cuddle her to bed too
>rest of the trip was a haze, don't remember the trip much, but I remember her on the trip
>the rest of the summer was magic to me
>I loved her as much as a 13 (and 14 later) year old could love someone else
>people picked on me less during 8th grade year
>didn't pick on her at all, just tried to steal her away from me
>so many guys liked her, didn't understand why she would want me
>to be fair, I didn't either
>Towards the end of 8th grade year, we figured out that we probably wouldn't be going to the same highschool
>didn't care too much, saw her every day for 5 hours afterschool anyway
>but we promised each other we would be each others homecoming dates and prom dates and everything
>but as highschool went on we naturally drifted apart without realizing
>still close, but couldn't always see each other, busy with school stuff
>she played volleyball and was a cheerleader, which took up lots of time
>eventually, some guy was always around when I came over
>she always insisted it was just a friend, at the time, i'm sure it was
>summer after sophomore year she asks if I'd be ok with her going on a date with some guy
>says it doesn't change anything between us
>IGuessSo.jpg
>obviously, it gets more serious, she eventually becomes his girlfriend
>at this point my balls have dropped, I'm rapidly gaining weight and height
>agressive as fuck, nobody in their right mind dares touch me
>yet I can't say no or even be assertive with her
>just kinda watch as that guy starts to control her more
>he eventually gets her to block normal contact with me
>I came over to her house when he wasn't around to ask her a few things

>>716237296
This was well worth the read wow

>>716238369
>she seemed almost surprised that I was there, like I wasn't supposed to show up
>she tells me it's no big deal and she just wants to date around, that it wont change anything between us
>point out we hardly see each other anymore
>she says it's "because she's busy with school and sports"
>I know it can't be volleyball she's going to on sundays
>tell her the guy she's dating is a bad person controlling
>just makes her mad, she yells at me
>start to break down
>tell her I love her and I don't know what I did wrong but I just want things to go back to the way they were
>she says she'll always love me
>hugs me
>says she's gotta go but we will talk again soon
>I wish that had been true
>we never talked again for a year
>I start becoming very angry, start blasting steroids, constantly eating and working out
>I've become the freak I always wished I was so I wouldn't get picked on, but I don't care just want her back
>Everyone at school is afraid of me now
>I have no friends now because I'm 6'4, 215 lbs at low body fat and rage at almost nothing. total dick for little/no reason
>complete asshole to everyone except little guys that get picked on by chad
>got suspended for fighting 4 or 5 times before I start to calm down a little
>life is still generally the same though
>angry about that fuck who stole her away
>towards the end of the year I start hearing about some girl who got in huge trouble because a bunch of nudes and shit of her were leaked and circulating
>Eventually it was cleared because she didn't consent and was apparently sexually assaulted by the guy who took the nudes or videos or whatever
>that's what got my attention, hoping it wasn't her, but deep down it sounded like the exact thing her asshole "boyfriend" would do
>of course, it was her

>>716238452
>I was actually pretty calm the whole day at school I heard the news
>but I was gonna fuck that guy up beyond recognition
>I knew he was a huge stoner and druggie in general so I consulted the kid who I bought my roids from
>he was also a stoner and knew all the other stoners
>he knows his friend and him pretty well
>get the kid to get his address from his friend
>it's fucking going on now
>showed up the friday night of that week at his house
>pretty big party going on
>perfect, nobody will call the cops and I can walk in without raising any eyebrows
>he's in his backyard with some other girl
>I'm sure they were about to fuck or something
>swing at him before he even sees me
>KO'd on the second punch
>sit on him and beat his face in
>That night I felt better, but the next day I knew I may have ruined things with her
>I guess she was relieved I gave him a free facelift because of what she told me next time we talked
>3 weeks later she showed up at my house at night bawling her eyes out
>mad at her but of course I can't say no to the only thing i've ever loved
>let her in
>we sit on the couch and she dumps all her feels
>says she's sorry she left me for him
>said that I was right, he was terrible to her
>apparently he hit her a lot and raped her
>constantly cheated
>made the school think she was a complete whore
>she told me she still loved me and just wanted to go back to the old days
>fell asleep on my couch
>I slept upstairs, I was pretty upset to think she fucked me over like that and now wants me back
>I came down the next morning and she was still there
>I figured I should at least communicate with her exactly how I felt, regardless of how things were gonna end up

>>716238501
>sat down and told her we needed to talk
>was honest about everything and told her she really fucked me up when she left me for that guy
>of course she was apologizing profusely the whole time
>She gave me that look, like at the grand canyon
>"anon, do you still love me?"
>fucking melted right then and there
>since then I've been talking to her again regularly, she always wants to see me
>i'm kinda torn though
>I still love her
>more than anything
>but she gave her virginity to the other guy
>something about it just doesn't seem right
>something that was flowing freely before is dried up now
>the next night she came through my bedroom window at 1am or something
>Freaked me the fuck out
>Was about to lunge for my shotgun
>but then I heard a sniffle
>knew it was her immediately
>"sorry anon, I just needed to come see you"
>she kept telling me she was sorry and she loved me
>crying hysterically the whole time of course
>eventually just told her to calm down, grabbed her and pulled her over to me
>cuddled to sleep
>felt so nice
>she pressed her face into my chest like she used to
>wake up at about 7
>have to wake her up and walk her home so my parents don't come in and freak out for obvious reasons
>She knows how to fucking melt my heart
>Obviously, I still over her. A lot
>I'd gladly sweep her off of her feet and steal her away, but I have just one reservation
>Could she do this again? I know it's not likely but I don't even wanna take a chance
>I won't be able to do this again unless I know she's 100% committed
>decide to drive with her to a mountain ridge that overlooks the city

>>716238543
>just told her I wanted to see her again (even though I had seen her the day before)
>figure I’ll just tell her exactly how I feel and why I’m hesitant to get back with her
>quietly left my house, drove over to pick her up
>got to her house, snuck around back to go to her room
>familiar hand on my shoulder
>her dad stopped me again
>tell me he knows about all of it, appreciates me beating the shit out of that guy
>tells me she’s up all night crying about me most nights
>she’s still a complete wreck from that guy
>he really beat her bad twice towards the end of their relationship
>her dad was trying to track him down but apparently I beat him to it
>tells me she needs me more than anything, and he’s glad i’m still trying after what happened
>ask him why she left me
>he says he has no clue
>go inside, to her room
>just kinda brushed her hair off of her face to wake her up
>she just smiled and got up
>hold her hand and walk out to the car
>I kinda keep the subject on unrelated things on the drive up
>want to save it for when we’re sitting up there
>only thing I really remember about the drive up was almost hitting a massive bull elk
>sit down on a rock wrapped up in a big blanket together
>Feels really good
>you have no idea
>feeling her warmth, cuddled up against me, looking down at the city
>”why do you still love me anon?”
>tell her because every little thing she does makes me happy
>ever since that day in middle school I just feel like she’s the greatest part of my life
>ask why she left me for that other guy, and tell her it’s the only thing holding me back
>can’t understand why she would do that
>she says (holding back tears and sniffling, gets really emotional now) that she doesn’t have a real answer

>>716238602
>she was just acting on physical attraction and his chad personality took easy advantage of her dumb teenage self
>not some magic fix-all answer I was hoping for
>but she also told me I did nothing wrong and she was sorry for everything
>made me feel better
>since /b/ put it into perspective and I gave it some thought, I realize how childish the whole virginity thing is on my part
>I love her and that's all that matters really
>figure I should just 'make sweet, sweet love to her with my chad body'
-quote from some anon in another thread
>not gonna be like that guy, obviously
>wait until she's comfortable again
>started to get windy so I took her home for the night
>fell asleep on the ride back, so I carried her to bed
>she woke up halfway once we got inside
>laid her down on her bed, kissed her on the forehead
>start to walk away, and hear "please stay with me"
>can't resist for a single second
>nothing happened that night, we were both tired, out right away
>wake up next morning
>about 10
>make pancakes in the kitchen, which we used to do a lot after school
>screw around and play fight with all of the ingredients, make a huge mess
>eat and then clean it up
>"you should probably shower, I definitely beat you"
>make some joke about how she cheap shotted me, tell her I have no clean clothes
>"I'm sure I can figure it out, let me show you how to work it and where the shampoo is"
>I was actually too retarded to catch onto that cue
>"I can wash your clothes"
>give her my shirt and shorts

>>716238353
I'm fine with being alone on the holidays, for the most part. I just don't like the obligation of visiting family, thankfully I made a decent excuse this year so I can be by myself and drink until I pass out.

I just mean being single all the time. I'd like to live for someone else for a change. To come home to someone who wants to see me. To have loved and lost sounds a hell of a lot better than never loving at all.

But I'm not an outgoing person and online dating hasn't worked for me.

>>716238644
>she tossed them outside and just stared at my SuperChad physique for a sec
>not gonna lie that made me feel satisfied in a cocky way
>looked up at me and smiled
>I kissed her
>took her shirt off
>primal instincts and excessive testosterone/DHT levels take over
>carried her to her bedroom and tore the rest of her clothes off like an animal
>I did stop for a moment to just look at her bare body
>I was extremely horny and wanted to absolutely go to town on her, but it was balanced by me being afraid of hurting her or being too rough
>ended up making love to her for almost 2 hours
>totally exhausted afterwards, fell asleep with her on top of me in my arms
>woke up a little while later and went out to lunch
>Took her back home and made love to her on the couch in her living room
>watched TV on the couch together until her dad came home
>he was really happy to see us
>I had to go home for a while, but he asked me to come back for dinner
>Ate pot roast with the stupidest grins on out faces, a few other people came by for dinner
>her dad says pretty much out of nowhere "I really appreciate you and like you, anon, I hope you become part of my family"
>I felt at home for the first time in a while
>that night she asked me to sleep with her again
>I was totally depleted after that day, so we pretty much just cuddled
>talked about what we want to do in life
>Talked about our dream house, dream job and what the perfect wedding would be like
>tells me every secret she’s ever kept
>says she doesn’t want anything between us
>asks if I have any secrets or stuff I wanna get off my chest but haven’t told anyone
>tell her I used steroids, but make clear it was light cycles at minimum doses
>tell her how badly I wanted to tear into her like a fucking animal, but was afraid I’d hurt her

Basically having the equivalent of an existential crisis. Death scares me, to be quite frank. I can't imagine what it's gonna be like to just stop existing. Never being able to do the things I've always done, never being able to talk to anybody again. I'm already 1/5 of the way to that area, and it scares the shit out of me, and that's assuming I make it to 100. If we assume I'm only making it to 80, then I've lived out 1/4 of my life with nothing to show.

>>716238688
>tell her I was afraid I wasn’t doing a good job
>she laughed and said I was more than plenty and was glad I was gentle
>says she doesn’t care about the roads, just wants me to stay healthy
>fell asleep on me like usual
>I was so blissfully happy that night
>fast forward ~two weeks
>she'd been acting increasingly remorseful for leaving me
>if I ever brought up that I was worried about trusting her or I was scared she would get anxious and nervous for the rest of the day
>constantly trying to prove she was 100% loyal
>one night she literally broke down crying on my chest and told me how sorry she was and that she loves me
>told me that if I want to have another girl then she understands and is fine with that
>I calmed her down, obviously, and told her she's all I need, I just am afraid of losing her because I did once and it hurt
>tell her I'll never leave her and I don't want any other
>seemed to make her feel a lot better
>about two weeks after that incident
>my cousin and her aunt were coming to stay at my house
>cousin flew in night before aunt
>I had to pick her up at the airport
>hadn't seen her in a while, she looked like a woman now
>nothing like her but she was attractive
>got her bags and went to my house
>all I did was help her carry bags in and get settled in
>but I didn't tell her my cousin was staying
>she thought I was mad and wanted a second girl
>ran home before I noticed she was there
>call her because I was expecting her to come over about this time
>no answer
>wtf
>head over to her house
>get to her house, walk in
>her dad isn't home
>call out for her
>no response
>walk into her room

>>716238721
>the light is on in her bathroom, door closed
>I can hear muffled sobbing
>knock on the door frantically
>yell her name
>after a few seconds I hear her faintly say "I'm so sorry anon. You deserve her, not me."
>ask her what she's talking about
>just more sobbing
>pretty freaked out
>kick in the door
>she's in the bathtub
>the water is bright red
>flipped the fuck out because I thought she had/was trying to kill herself
>grabbed her out of the tub and ran into the kitchen
>set her on the table, trying to find where all the bleeding was from
>she just had a few shallow cuts on her wrist and thigh
>wrap it in some gauze I found under the sink
>calm down a little and realize she's probably not dying or even close
>ask her why she did this
>ask if her old boyfriend did something to her
>she says she couldn't bear to see me with another girl
>ask her what she's talking about
>don't remember exactly what she said, but at this moment I realized she thought my cousin was a girl I was seeing
>explain that she's my cousin
>explain the situation with the airport
>she believes me after I explain
>carry her to her bedroom
>set her down on the bed
>drain the bathtub
>help her get dressed
>broke down because I was so scared just then
>yelled at her
>told her she can't do this to me, I already lost her once and I can't bare to not have her

>>716238775
>the yell eventually reduces to almost soft enough to be a whisper
>tell her I trust her now and I know she would never leave me again
>don't want another girl
>I'm just terrified she'll love someone else someday
>she reassures me that will never happen
>tell her to forget about that guy and leaving me, it's in the past
>I need her now
>eventually reduces to just some sappy "I love you more, babe" shit that would make most of you cringe
>I realized then that the guy she had been with probably fucked her up mentally too, to a good degree
>our relationship has been a lot more stable since
>no more than a few nights after that, she asks if I'll ever marry her
>hadn't thought about that until then, but the thought of it made me pretty happy
>"Sorry, that's probably really pressuring. I didn't mean it like that"
>tell her to shush, and say of course I'm gonna marry her
>her face lit up
>didn't even make love to her that night
>just kinda laid there and felt each others warmth
>slept really, really well that night for some reason
>next morning she asked where I wanted to get married
>brought up the grand canyon
>told her I didn't want to decide yet, but I wanted to go to the grand canyon with her again
>a road trip, just her and I. Soon, asked if she wanted to start planning the trip now
>she said yes right away, got all excited
>spent that afternoon planning a trip out on google maps
>thinking about what it would be like to marry her one day the whole time
>a little while after that we had the trip planned for the day after my birthday
>going grocery/supply shopping few days later
>kinda early but I just love doing stuff with her
>going to costco is fun when i'm with her
>since the trip is still three weeks away, we decided to go on an adventure in a pickup truck to the mountains that night

>>716238353
It's just the blues, i've been lonely for a long while. I haven't felt love in a long time.

>>716238824
>put blankets in the back and pillows
>drove up a secluded and scenic mountain road
>laid there and stared at the stars and moon reflecting on a mountain reservoir
>made love beautifully to her there
>eventually fell asleep
>woke up just before sunrise which was cool
>watched it come up over the mountains with her
>told her I'm so glad she came back for me
>promise her I'll marry her one day
>forgot that stuff like that makes her really emotional
>she burst out crying of course
>at least it was a good crying
>held her and told her sorry for upsetting her
>told me she feels loved and is just overcome with emotion
>says she can't wait till we can be married one day
>play with her hair there for a while
>eventually head down the mountain, but wander around woods for a while in the truck
>super cliche, but we carve out names in a heart into a tree
>fast forward 2 weeks
a little backstory first, though
>my parents were fine, obviously they were a little distant and inattentive but they raised me right for the most part.
>we weren't too much of a family though
>my mom was kind of a unpredictable stereotypical liberal
>had these periods of going into a fuck you mode, where she decided she was a "strong independent feminist" and decided to be absent and hang out with these ugly lesbians
>didn't think much of it as a kid, just thought she was a moron for that
>my dad, however, was and is a mormon who has strong religious beliefs and is every bit as stubborn and unwilling to accept other ideas as my mom
>drove them apart over the years
>I can't prove it, but I have a lot of reasons to believe my dad was seeing other women "through the righteous authority of the church" basically a BS loophole that allows you to leave your spouse if they weren't married to you in a mormon church
>long story short, they drifted apart over the years

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>>716231280
freeze

>>716238858
>eventually just kinda existed together
>didn't divorce for a mutual understanding of how that would fuck everything up for them and me and my little brother
>at this point, my parents obviously know about me and her
>my mom could not give less of a fuck
>my dad disapproved quite openly
>constantly lectures me about how "the holy spirit won't follow me if I do things the church forbids with her"
>tell him to mind his own business and to fuck off, obviously
>at this point he's pretty much sure I'm fucking her
>gets mad when I come back in the mornings now because he knows she's not just my friend anymore
>eventually escalates like this until he has missionaries and the bishop of his church come over to lecture me
>they were waiting for me on the couch after I came home from getting ice cream with her
>asked me to sit down
>began preaching
>about 30 seconds in, I'm too pissed to sit still
>turn red, veins dilate
>shaking slightly
>"anon, are you alr-"
>"stand up so fast I knocked my chair back
>blow up, start yelling at them why I think their entire religion is bullshit and why they need to fuck off
>tell them everything I think is wrong with their "church", including the whole 'you can cheat if your wife isn't mormon and your mistress is'
>tell them they are anything but christians
>tell my dad I found someone I love more than anything and if he can't leave me be, we're gonna have a problem
>stop and look around and think for a second
>they are visibly scared, don't respond
>walk upstairs without another word
>called her
>told her everything that happened
>I decided I'm gonna leave home, maybe for just a little while, but I'm an adult now, may as well just leave for good

>>716238697
I've discussed this myself, with myself, quite a bit. You wonder if it's fair that all your experiences will be for nothing. Wondering if that if you don't exist after you die, did you even exist in the first place.

The way I see it is that if there is an afterlife, then you won't need to worry about it. And if there isn't, you won't need to worry about it. You can focus on the life you have now and try to make it better, to the point where existential dread doesn't come up anymore.

>>716237992

Let me guess:

>Everyone has fun at work except for you because you're the one constantly left picking up everyone else's slack and your boss/manager doesn't give a fuck.

>Your friends and family constantly need favors from you but are never available when you need something from them.

>You just can't lower yourself to the "asshole" level so that women will randomly fuck you. Constantly stuck in the friend zone.

>>716238906
>told her that too
>I have a job with good income for a kid who's barely college age
>pack all of my meaningful/useful possessions
>put my shit in my jeep and drive off
>made me proud to have worked for pretty much everything I had right at that moment
>I was self made
>I was free
>drove to her house
>she was kinda freaked out, waiting out front for me
>took me inside
>I sat down with her, her dad and sister
>they wanted to know what was going on
>told them the story as bluntly as I could
>they ask what I'm gonna do now
>"well, I've got plenty of money, I'll look for a place to have for a few months here until I go off to college or the military"
>her dad told me he was in a similar situation when he was my age
>said an apartment or condo just isn't the same as having "home" to go back to
>goes on to explain why it's good to go home, not just the place you sleep
>"well, you make a good point, I'm gonna find home then"
>no, anon, you don't understand what I'm getting at
>"well, what are you trying to say then?"
>you love my daughter, don't you?
>"well of course, more than anything"
>this is home, anon.
>at least until next fall, I want you to stay with us
normally, I would be very hesitant to accept because I'm super uncomfortable accepting things from other people, or having others do stuff for me
>but she was there
>these guys felt like my family

>>716238940
>my little brother was family too, but he was old enough and big enough to fend for himself now
>still had regular contact with him afterwards too
>I never felt so full of joy, so warm inside all the time
>I used to only feel it when I was with her, but now I loved coming home at the end of the day instead of dreading it
>did things like a family, ate, went out, watched TV and had conversations about anything and everything
>got a lot closer even in that first 8 days before our road trip
>her dad seemed to feel some kind of connection to me
>about two days before the road trip, she was having horrible pains from her period
>take her to the doctor
>sit in the waiting room browsing /k/ for about 2 hours
>nurse comes out
>tells me she is being taken to have screening done
>takes me outside big as room with sign that says “ionizing radiation danger”
>kinda freaked out at this point
>nobody has told me what the fuck is going on
>after another hour she comes out holding back tears
>run up to her
>”baby, what’s wrong? what happened?”
>she’s silent for a moment and then says
>”I need about tree fiddy”
>It was about that time that I realized I had become soul mates with an 8-story-tall crustacean from the paleozoic era
>that god damned loch ness monster had tricked me again

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>>716231706
This is triggering the fuck out of me.

Everyone please delete this picture and replace it with my fixed version.

>>716238930
No, i'm just left feeling empty/lonely inside, as stupid as that sounds

>>716238697
Same but death isnt probably tht bad.... dont a pussy bro

To anon with the owl pics.
I just wanted to say thanks.
Legitimately made me feel better.
Well that or the copious amounts of alcohol.

>>716238930
Shut your fucking mouth you condescending asshole

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>>716239171
My apologies, Anon. Nice catch!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea2WoUtbzuw

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>>716237777
I feel the same, anon.

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>>716239536
No problem, /b/ro. I'm sorry I haven't been responding much, I've been pouring most of my woes into the piano for the last few minutes. Plus I actually read that entire god damned loch ness monster story, ffs.

Anyway, I'm glad I could help. I hope things get better for you, anon. Don't forget to drink a fuck ton of water tonight to mitigate the hangover.

>>716238991
I can't believe I read the whole goddamn thing.

I love you anon.

>>716240003
>Some people wanna travel to the future
>Some people wanna travel to the past
>Some people wanna travel to the past

>>716238991
Anon, you sonofabitch. I was so fucking captivated.

>fall in love with someone
>she has a boyfriend
>alternating between happiest I have been in 10 years just to finally connect with someone
>and regular forever alone depression but now with her face instead of made up people

At least I get to give her a present. Pretty much the only thing I have been looking forward to for Christmas.

>>716240144
The world's past is different than your personal past.

Personally I'd just listen to him, he needed someone to talk to.

>>716240177
>anon likes this post.

>>716233040
cute owls

>>716239926
No worries. I'm playing bf1 as well as 4chan.
And I don't get hangovers, water not. Useless skill I have.

>>716231280
Just another day for me. Coming up on 3 years now of no celebrating any holidays at all. No thanksgiving or Christmas. Not close to my family anymore and moved so I don't have any close enough friends to celebrate with. I had a on and of gf for almost 2 years before. I actually moved so this year I'm gonna be completely alone. I don't know but this year I actually feel bad.

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>>716240263
You dare address the majestic snowy owl with so pedestrian an adjective as "cute"? HERESY!

>>716237296
I've been waiting for someone to repost this. That ending is a kick in terms feels

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>>716240356
Seems pretty useful to me, man. Hey, even if it only takes one hand, it's important to count your blessings.

>>716240455
I might actually think of moving as a good thing. It's an opportunity to start completely fresh. Nobody remembers how you were. Nobody knows the stupid shit you did when you were younger or less mature, nobody judges you based on past actions, and nobody has already decided what they think of you. You get to dictate how you are perceived. I can't think of anything more liberating than that.

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>>716240467
It was a compliment

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>>716240788
I know, I'm just messing around.

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Leaves from the vine...

>>716231961
this is me, I'm the 21

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>>716240144
you cunt.

Well to strart it off i got I got a job at a minimum wager job at a shitty gass station which has brought back my addiction to Xanax and adderall to a hole Nother level because I know I'm not lining upp to my real potential. The only time I go out to is to eithhher work sell or take drugs with fake people who clami to be myy friends because of the pills I have. I plan on spending my Christmas alonegettingg so mind fucked on LSD and MDMA then a few bares to end the nigh so I can forget how fuckedd my family and life rly it's.

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>>716238991
FUCKING

L E G E N D A R Y

>>716240003
go back to 9fag

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>>716238991
Read the whole damn thing
Well played boyo

>>716231280
pretty shitty, I managed to alienate my last real life friend, and I'm doing nothing with my life

>>716241810
This is assuming there are no obstacles getting in your way. "Just do it" fags are the ones who need to get bent.

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>>716242277
Sounds familiar indeed. How will you be spending Christmas this weekend?

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>>716240989
Oh, cool.

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>>716238991
I WILL TAKE YOUR LIFE

>>716242350
I think you're misinterpreting the message here. The point isn't to "Just do it". The point is to be less insecure with your life, and not to be disappointed that things aren't as perfect as they could be. The point is to be confident that where you are right now is where you are meant to be, because deep down it's exactly what you really want. Again, this does not mean that happiness is guaranteed, but it does mean that you have complete agency over your own life in ways you aren't consciously aware of.

>>716240776
Yeah there is that but I don't really think I like or fit in where I'm at. I haven't really adjusted and like I guess it's been a while but I haven't gotten over my ex and would rather be there right now. Even if not with her but with more familiar people. I didn't really met or make any new friends so like I'm just gonna sit home eat cheese, get drunk, watch tv, and play video games I guess but been down a lot lately. I really don't know what else I actually could do

>>716242432
with family, >>716231961
I'm only 19 but I've made it to the 21-23 stage
christmas eve I'll probably get high and go walk down to mcdonalds or starbucks or something

>>716242648
Then that's missing the point of what keeps a lot of people down. There are so many factors to take into account, from childhood to adulthood, things that can just fuck you right over no matter how hard you try. Happiness or success, both could elude you because of something so fucked up inside you. It's not like feeling sorry for yourself, but an irrational fear that grabs you by the balls and won't let go.

It's like saying a woman who was molested as a child for years who can't find love or intimacy just doesn't want it enough.

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>>716238197
>Be me autist lil shit
>Freshman year
> Haven't hit puberty yet
>Join wrestling
>Get pants
>They tell everyone at school
> EVERYONE KNOWS
> Worst years of my life

>>716238285
You're here everyday :) love your story friend

>>716231280
went to visit my best friend, ive had feelings for her, but dont think they will be returned any time soon.

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>>716242738
>>716242869
I'm perfectly aware that the advice I'm about to give is going to sound incredibly tired or cliche, but I think it may benefit both of you to try and meet new people. I'd go about it by finding some organized group of people with similar interests. For example, a few years ago I joined a recreational running group, and through that I have made far more friends and strengthened far more friendships than I could have ever imagined. I don't really know what else to say, but that's what little advice I can offer.

>>716243020
Well, in a way, that is entirely correct. The reason she doesn't want it is certainly a valid and rather unique one, but it does still follow the same logic. Again, this comic isn't meant to be some magical panacea, it's just meant to give you a different perspective on life. It seems that its most obvious effect would be an inreased sense of agency, which is absolutely a good thing for the exact reasons you've mentioned (as those with a stronger sense of agency have been shown to be psychologically affected far less by circumstances out of their control - similar to the blue-clad character in the comic)

We haven't had enough feels music in this thread. Let's fix that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXjqzH6h_-M

Feels? Sure, why hell not.

>be me
>time of my life
>in love with girl across country
>think about her every single day
>haven't spoken since September
>cannot mentally move past her
>incapable of liking other girls the same way
>by myself
>nobody understands.

It's okay, my friends. Perhaps, to a better 2017.

>>716243432
Still doesn't stop it from pissing me right off. No doubt the kind of person who says that to you in real life is someone who had almost everything going for them their whole life. Sometimes life just fucks you over and you have to scrape by.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't work hard for what you want, but saying that you're not where you want because you didn't work hard enough for it is bullshit. You can work hard and still get screwed over time and time again. Life isn't something you put hard work into and receive a prize for. You can go to school and get a degree and not get a job because the position went to the bosses nephew. You can work hard for that promotion but not get it because head office 'doesn't know what you're talking about'. That's not even taking into account the numerous things that could be physically or mentally inefficient with you. It just reeks of cheap advice given by people who refuse to think about what your history may have been like.

>>716243432
Yeah well thanks man. Worth a try, though I went from living in a major city to living in a small town in the country. Hard to adjust to bc nothing seems around here but church and BBQ groups but I'll look around. I think there is a bit of motivation issue too I'm just bit motivated enough to do anything anymore it seems. I guess whatever I do I will have to come to terms with that first and have the urge to do something

I'm less than a month away from a year sober... and it's really becoming difficult. But I can't relapse and lose everything again for the umpteenth time. I've a wife and son I love dearly and enjoy living with, a new job starting in January, and have even restored some relationships I thought forever ruined... Yet this drive to drink and use is evil, sheer evil. Too many felonies, too much time spent locked up, too much damage... That record grew so quickly, I'm only 29. Everything seems to be going well, but I've a strange growing emptiness that truthfully scares the fuck out of me. It's not that I don't actually enjoy or appreciate parts of my life and those in it - rather, it's this cold, numb, distracted and dazed sensation that comes out with every night I can't sleep, when I wait in line, when I'm driving, whenever I'm idle or near it... like a sound that was quiet suddenly becomes louder by simple recognition... Sometimes things cover it up, but it's always there.

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>>716244055
Hey, it's a start! Online groups work, too, though they aren't quite as good in my opinion. Just another option, anyhow.

>>716243925
Again, it's not that you didn't work hard enough for it. The point is that you shouldn't feel bad that you don't have "X", because the fact that you don't have "X" simply means you don't actually want it, but rather you think you do because, frankly, everybody wants to be rich (even though numerous studies have shown that wealth does not increase happiness, just to use wealth as an example).

>>716243920
I hear that. Here's to a better life in the new year.

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>be 15
>first day of highschool
>excitement.jpg
>first class choir (parents made me take)
>everything going fine
>second class art, i loved and still do love art
>started talking to my table neighbors
>faggot kid tells me to stfu at the start of class
>shock.exe
>i was a shy kid so i don't say anything for the rest of the period
>3rd period gym doing outside excercises
>see faggot kid
>walks up to me with all his faggot friends
>push/shove.jpg
>slaps my glasses off
>i tear up at this point
>adam comes to save the day
>punches faggot kid, picks up glasses
>friend.jpg
>talk everyday figure out hes kinda faggy and into magic
>don't mind cus i don't really have any other friends
>we hang out all the time playing/talking about skyrim
>we start bonding over art and him telling me about his faggy magic
>months pass
>adams not at school for a couple days
>unlike him
>first period choir
>hear announcement on intercom
>adam had killed himself
>go up to choir teacher in disbelief
>get full story.
>adam was staying home from school sick
>he was trying to do a Houdini magic trick with ropes
>ties himself in ropes
>tries to get them off, fails and chokes himself to death
>go home sobbing
>told my mom and we go to viewing that night
>see faggot kid with faggot friends
>see them over casket laughing
>rage.jpg
>beat the ever living shit out of faggot kid
>eye swollen the size of balloon
>storm out of viewing
>cry thinking about how i will never get to talk to adam or see him again, but at least i could re show him the kindness he showed me on the first day of school.

>>716245127
Ah fuck corrupted file strikes again

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/5OHlt

Here's sauce

>>716244460
Interpretation, I suppose. And you better believe wealth can buy happiness. Not completely, but if you've ever grown up poor then you'd understand that having money in the bank is a really good thing. I've had a roommate who thought that not having a job wasn't something to worry about, even though he was broke, because he was an only child and his mom never had any money problems. While I grew up in a big family that at times went hungry, which is why I never leave a job no matter how shitty it is without some kind of backup plan.

Being rich may not make you as happy as you can be, but being poor can definitely make you feel infinitely worse as it limits what you can do, places you can go.

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>>716245274
Holy shit, anon. That one got me good. Great stuff.

>>716245416
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44982
Or so it would seem

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>>716231280
Blizzard's latest comic, just read it.
Ruined the game, the IP, the lore, and the year.

Best feel material this year.

>>716242350
people apply meaning to obstacles and/or nobody starts off on equal footing. the trust fund baby doesnt start off in the same position as the ghetto kid, however either way, if they wanted something bad enough they would overcome those obstacles. hell, the comic uses the example of laziness as the so-called obstacle. the "its not that simple" fags are the ones who need a kick to the head

>>716231280
can someone make something out of this conversatino between me and a girl who told me she'd want to start anew with me

me
>Give me a sign you're still there
her
>I baffles me how you aren't sick of me yet
me
>If you meant what you texted me, why should I?
her
>Need to go to bed....i hope ur doing fine and have a nice holiday and christmas and everything.
me
>getting some mixed signals here but aight
her
>You know me. My brain is duenfb
>Texting you is strange, sorry, I'm autism-ing heh
me
>Well i'm a bit unsure on how to...proceed? feel me? no real idea what's going on atm with you
her
>Try a christmas card..
>I dont know
>Time will show
>Good night now


what to make of this?

Cheated on my girlfriend feels bad man.
Hope I don't have anything now and don't give her anything.

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>>716245760
>"time flies when you're a faggot"

>>716245741
Have you grown up poor? This isn't an accusation, but a real question. If a rich person doesn't feel happy with all their money, I could understand that, but a poor person who gets money sure feels better than if they didn't have it. If I have money, especially more money that my current needs require, then I feel much more safe and happy than if I didn't. You don't feel the fear of losing your home or going without a meal or meals or not being able to pay other bills.

>>716240335
That takes courage, posting something six months after you die

>>716246237
I think you're misinterpreting my point about money. My point is that money does not buy happiness, assuming prior financial security. And statistical data will back me up on this, this point isn't really up for debate. But yes, going from a place of financial stress to a place of financial security does increase happiness, or at the very east decrease stress. But anyway, my point wasn't about wealth in particular, I was just using it as an example.

And to answer your question, so it doesn't seem like I'm dodging it, given what I've said above it is irrelevant. Draw what conclusions you may from that, but don't use a troubled past as an excuse to be a worse person today. I had a friend who had one hell of a superiority complex about him, using his deeply troubled childhood as a sort of smoking gun to shut down other people whenever anyone was in the slightest bit unhappy with anything in their life. "Yeah, sure, it sucks that you got a C on your chem test, but did you ever almost starve to death as a child? No? Then I'd stay quiet if I were you"

I'm not saying you're doing this, just that it's important to have enough self-awareness when discussing this sort of thing to know that you aren't doing it.

>>716245951
bumping

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>>716246788
>>716245951
My apologies for not replying earlier.

I myself have had several experiences with being in a certain state of mind - caused by God knows what - that makes it very hard for me to articulate my feelings. And sometimes it is difficult to know how another person is going to interpret your writing when communicating via text.

What I'm saying is that I think there's certainly some communication difficulties going on here. I wouldn't stress myself over it now - the next time you two make contact I'm sure any miscommunication will be cleared up.

So as cliche as it sounds, please try to relax and have faith that you'll work it out.

>>716241083
Fucking loved the attention to this
The song slowly goes off beat, especially as he starts crying, and the voicing was really good. Avatar still fucks me up after all this time

>>716247089
Which episode was this? I'm watching it for the first time, and I'm currently about four or five episodes into book two.

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>>716238991
I can never trust again. I hope it was worth it anon, but I hope your life is as fufilling as your story even more.

>>716247081
thanks anon

for me it sounds like she is still with that guy, although she texted me a whole paragraph worth of stuff explaining how, if we'd meet up again the only way is to start a new relationship and whatnot
just confuses the hell out of me

should i send her a christmas card or would that be playing right in her cards

>>716247345
Look, I certainly don't know enough about the nuances of your relationship with this girl to know exactly one way or the other, but my general stance is this: There's nothing wrong with christmas cards. Especially if they're heartfelt and sincere, the more I can send out, the better.

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>>716241083
RIP Mako Iwamatsu. Our Uncle Iroh is with his little soldier boy.

>always been the guy who's comic relief and is off to the side
>always been in friend groups but never a main member
>have a gf but she outshines me socially so im still off to the side
>always away from home so im not central to my family, but im not on bad terms with them
>i was one of the smartest when i was in school but it was passed off since i always had the reputation as being one of the smartest so it was never special

nothing about my life screams terrible, and i know lots of people would kill to be in a position like me, but im still missing something that makes me really depressed. anyone else relate?

>>716247527
probably, if i mean it as a nice "hey i'm still thining about you" kind of way

>>716243432
I've tried meeting new people, but it's not that easy, and even when I do it usually just makes me feel worse

>>716247775
I was like that once.
My advice, do something.
Get a job. Move out. Just do something.
Don't turn into what I've become.

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>>716247775
Actually, yes. When I first started lurking these feels threads, I felt bad about not really having much in the way of a sob story. But the fact of the matter is that your struggles are not made any less meaningful just because others have gone through worse. If that were the case, then all of these feelAnons are total pussies compared to the children starving to death in China or whatever, which obviously isn't the case.

If you're anything like me, you're sad for reasons that are much harder to articulate because they're not associated with any one large traumatic event or string of such events. And, if I'm being honest, that is sometimes the best possible scenario, because you can't simply chalk it up to a lost love or a past failure. It's far more complex, and in its own way, far more meaningful.

>>716247791
My thoughts exactly. And hey, even if it wasn't that girl, that's still just a nice card to send to any of your friends. I just sent a friend I haven't seen in well over a year a message just like that, albeit attached to a gift (because the Steam winter sale is goddamn MIRACULOUS)

>>716247792
I can certainly understand that it's not easy. I'm sorry, I wish I had more to say on this, but I really don't.

But hey, at least you have us, Anon.

>>716248252
>My thoughts exactly
i guess, maybe some sort of conversation might arise from said card
i just want some answers to my questions that's all

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Don't die on me yet, thread. Not yet.

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If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character.

Would you slow down?

Or speed up?

>time will tell
what the fuck is this supposed to mean? i hate woman telling you that

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...

Just saying, it sucks to be clown guy. Because you're never important enough. Makes you feel like the side character in a vid game, to help the main character but never important enough to warrant a side quest.

Makes me depressed.

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Well, lads, it's been fantastic feeling with you all tonight, but I really should be getting off. I wish you all the best, and hope you have a fantastic Christmas this year.

Good night, you wonderful faggots.

Goodnight my dude. Later folks

Is anybody still here?

>>716250163
Goodnigth you lovely son of a bitch


>>716250188
not sure

>>716249918
Goodnight, Anon. Sleep well.

Contemplating suicide, Bros.
Childhood friend just ended 20 years of friendship over something small. Called me disgusting.
College drop out at age 21
Virgin
No friends, hard labor job.
Live with dad who makes shit tons more money than me, and buys all the groceries.
Nobody is ever there for me.

>>716250465
no youre not

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Hi /b/, i just realized that all my old friends from HS are more successful than me, more attractive than me, and have more sex than me, so i took 5 advil capsules. Am i gonna die? Whats gonna happen to me? Ive never done drugs before

>>716250515
Huh?

>>716250465
Things can always be better. I've seriously contemplated suicide too, and I regret it every day. You're still young, and you have plenty of time left. At least you WENT to college, even if you dropped out.

I might sound totally full of shit, and you may have heard all of this advice before. But trust me, you have a life ahead of you. don't give up on that.

For me, and everyone around you. But most of all, you.

>>716250732
I went to college and immediately failed trig.
I can't talk to women without being high

long one

>be me
>as far as i remember, wanted to be a fighter pilot
>spend all childhood playing video games and flight sims
>everyone supportive/admirative of me
>all i need to become a military pilot in my country is highschool and a very tough selection + medical exams
>only 20 people selected out of 1000 every year
>tfw i have allergic + effort asthma
>tfw i have eczema
>still young, decide i will grow out of it
>get through school life kissless quiet virgin who spends most of his time indoors
>become a brony with a crush on a waifu probably due to autism and isolation for 2 years
>painfully outgrow it (17 at the time)
>go through 6 weeks of military training to get a feel for the air force as a grunt reservist
>become reservist so I can pay for glider lessons
>start flying gliders at 18 and get my licence
>attempt scientific college but zero interest
>quit after 2 days
>start working out every day for about a year
>tfw i still have asthma
>tfw i still have eczema (urge to scratch myself bloody every waking second because over reacting immune system)
>get /fit/ anyway for the selections
>wake up early to run
>bike on indoor cycle to improve cardio
>get educated on aviation history and learn all I can about planes
>weeks away from the selection now
>can do the 20 strict pull ups at 200 lbs 6'
>can get passing grade on the shuttle running test
>test is 5 days long
>tfw can’t sleep most of the nights
>panicking because this is my dream job and I only get one shot after all these years
>mostly normies doing the selection with me, barely trained for this and already picture themselves in a jet
>every day people are sent home
>hard psychological interviews
>hard teamwork tests
>hard multitasking, IQ, english, math, aviation culture tests
>tfw I get through them all
>nearly cry as I’m the last one standing at the end of the week
>get a letter saying I was selected
> « medical in 2 weeks »


Cont ?

>>716240511
This is exactly how I feel right now. Just getting out of a two year relationship with someone who I see now didn't really take me seriously.

My family disowned me this year because of our relationship too cause my mom is psycho and my brothers and sisters follow her around like a bunch of lunatics.

I just want some damn inner peace. I'm now debating on whether or not I should call them on Christmas, I haven't spoken them formally for a while now.

>>716250840
I've heard trig is pretty hard, yeah. But that isn't a bad thing. Any time you start doing high level math, it's going to be confusing. Hell, I'm a senior in high school (inb4 underage, I'm 18, 19 in January), and I'm still on 10th grade level math.

As for drugs enabling you to talk to women, I really have zero experience there, being totally sober (and gay), but if I had to guess, it's that the drugs are a crutch. Again, cliché advice from me, but it might apply.

I just want to help someone for once.

>>716251285
>have to go to a hospital and go through a billion tests
>lie about a lot of things
>tfw my eyesight is low due to shit genes and too much video games
>need near perfect eyesight
>nearly fail but pass
>advanced breathing tests when they see that I had asthma as a kid, have to go see specialists for further tests
>pass those also, shitting myself the whole time
>sent home marked « able »
>selected and scheduled to start training in 4 months
>happiest day of my life
>go home, everyone proud of me
>lose drive for anything and everything
>find long distance gf on omegle and spend all my time with her
>stop working out entirely
>spend whole days on skype having phone sex with her
>fly out to see her before beginning of basic training
>shit is cash, fuck a ton
>fly home and begin training
>want to quit on first night of hazing during forced running
>extremely low willpower + struggling with asthma
>why am i even here
>get chewed out like a god damn bitch for a week by drill instructors and pilots
>barely eat, drink or sleep
>pretend to sprain ankle on the third day so I don’t have to do the hard shit
>entry mates convinced i’m bullshitting
>hazing ends
>basic training starts and I quickly reveal my power level
>try hard to be the best in all the wrong ways during work
>isolate myself to skype with long distance gf
>don't spend any time with team
>think I can be one of the few to be selected for jet if I'm good enough, even if I'm unpopular (about 3 out of the 12 in an entry become fighter pilots, rest become helicopter or transport)
>get left behind and become the guy who eats alone and tries too hard at everything
>finally get through grunt and officer training
>start intense training about theory of flight
>cheat on gf with a local roastie because sex deprived
>long distance gf is an angel who would never hurt me
>tfw I tell her immediately
>tfw I tell her she's stupid for being upset
>ask her to remain friends

cont i guess

>>716253216

>fuck roastie often while passing intense exams
>feel like a god damn king
>pass all theory of flight exam
>ex gf is destroyed but agrees to remain friends and she fucks some drug addict trash as a form of revenge on me
>graduate theory of flight school
>roastie drops me for being clingy
>in serious denial about being just a fling to her, keep messaging her and calling her
>she doesn't bite
>ask ex gf to take me back because I feel lonely
>mfw she accepts
>real flight school begins soon
>get to haze the fuck out of new entries and strut around in glorious flight suits
>learn everything about the plane I will fly
>literally put earbuds in to block out the outside world
>get left behind once again and fail written tests
>instructors don't like me cause my theory is shaky
>i'm good when it comes to flying, but shit in stress intense situations
>end up with old fighter pilot turned instructor
>she doesn't do things by the book
>gets mad at me for not understanding her way
>starts insulting me
>i decide to record her so I can defend myself if this goes too far
>ask to be scheduled with someone else
>mfw i'm fucking dumb enough to tell someone i recorded
>word spreads
>instructors hate me now
>teammates all hate me now
>lose all will to fight
>get court martialed for less than average in flight results

>get fired

>23, working at some internet company, living with parents and flying often to stay with gf overseas
>try to be a better person and redefine goals
>tfw can't muster the will to
>wondering why I didn't end it yet
>wondering if I should even try anything else
>wondering what i'll fuck up next

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>>716237777
I love Gondola.

>>716254464
Have you tried becoming a pilot for airline companies or anything. May not be as glamorous as a fighter pilot, but you have to atleast enjoying flying planes right?

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It helps to have a good feel every once in a while so here's something more positive

>>716255087
I though "Yeah, that happened." after reading that. Why has the internet made me so cynical.

>>716254931
I got some flight hours and theoretical diplomas that are expensive in the civilian world out of this train wreck, so technically it would be easier for me than for someone else

But... I'm not sure I want to anymore. I'm not sure I want to do anything related to planes, I do like flying but I'm scared shitless at the idea of repeating that process. I didn't fail just because I was an autist, I also failed because I tend to react poorly during stressful situations (poor situational awareness) shaky decision making process.

I also haven't come to terms with my failure. Hindsight is 20/20. Back then (a year ago now) I blamed a lot of my shortcomings on the stress caused by my team mates. There was a lot of competition for the pilot job and the popular students hated me for try harding for it. I mostly blamed my failure on their bullshit and the stress it caused me at the time. Reading my own greentext now tells a very different story.

Bottom line is, I could, but I'm afraid of failing some more, either at the job or at the yearly medicals, or socially

>>716255383
By being afraid of failing you're already failing. You just need to accept that you will fail sometimes. Just keep trying different things you'll get it right.

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>post in here a couple days ago about my girlfriend with BPD and how despite her issues i still love her and i don't care what anyone thinks
>someone says to not be surprised if she suddenly abandons me
>wake up today
>she's telling me that she doesn't have feelings like that for me anymore
>fuck
>asking her to try and stay with me and get those feelings back in time if possible but won't know what she'll say until she wakes up
>my first real relationship with the first person i truly loved, done just like that most likely
>don't feel excited for the future anymore
>if she says it's really over i'm going to
>i don't even know what

>>716237777
OHHH fuuuugggg

>>716256179
My brother has bipolar disorder. They are unpredictable like that. Just stick around, ask them in a week or two if they are 100% sure, since they might not be in the right mindset at the moment.

>>716255969
You're absolutely right and I'm usually the guy handing out that advice.

This was soul crushing however, being a fighter pilot was what I built my whole life and personality around. Now I have absolutely nothing. At least I'm making money and I picked up trading stocks and currency as a hobby, that could prove useful.

I still don't know what happened, I had the right mindset before being selected and the sudden complete loss of discipline scares me. It's as if I had only aimed to get selected and never visualized ahead of that. It seems counter productive to attempt something else without having a clear cut idea of what caused me to fail as well as a plan to avoid a repetition of these issues. Like playing russian roulette without knowing how many chambers are loaded.

I'm lucky to have the support of a psychiatrist who supported me then but I've yet to call her back and tell her this side of the story.

>>716256526
i've been observing her caring about me less the last idk week or so, she probably just wasn't able to admit it before now. idk if that's good or bad for my chances of her coming back to me

>>716244285

I've decided to become sober, too. Stopped smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking alcohol. Though our situations are both totally different, you'll need to find what helps you. I distracted myself by working on a video, perhaps do something you like to do or once enjoyed doing?

I don't believe it'd be solid stuff that works every time, as people change. Maybe take up a new hobby? Also, you'd be experiencing a lapse, not a relapse, however it seems you might have some self control issues, and to which I'm dreadfully sorry.

I hope you maintain your will. I'm sure if you try and find new ways to do this, it's possible.

>>716250290
fug

>>716254464
I'm the pilot guy, going to bed but if you leave me a message i'll answer for sure tomorrow if the threads up

>want to get high more than anything else right now
>in a foreign country on vacation and dont know where to find weed
fuck

I decided recently that I'd like to start smoking but soon had a change of heart. I tried to justify smoking but I don't think I've really reached a low so bad. Or maybe I've failed so much that I'm now broken and my brain doesn't register failures as bad they were.

I've failed so much that I don't stress out anymore when there's a problem. Heck, I don't even remember when was the last time I panicked.

I keep dreaming about her. How do i stop this?...

>>716238285
Who dis

>>716258979
Get with her, then you won't want to stop.

>>716258979
I drug myself so I don't dream as frequently. And if I OD, I don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm sick of seeing her in dreams, I just miss her.

>>716258979
Well anon, was it someone you were with and lost or is it someone you want to be with? If latter than try your luck, never hurts to try. If it's the former than, as someone who still dreams and wants for someone from 6 years ago I can tell ya, you don't ever stop.

>>716250290
I'm happy for them, hope this is real.

>>716258979
there is really no solution to this
after a while you stop thinking about her all the time, but she's still there in the back of your mind
it never goes away

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holy fuck all these feels man

>>716231280
Shit...
>Worked Thanksgiving
>Working Christmas

>>716231280
Awww fool....

>>716231280
Super meh, I've been ill for the last week, my best friend is going on a vacation, I've got a shitton of study to do and it's not even snowing. I'll have to spend new year with my mom because my father is away and my little brother is going to some party. Nobody invited me anywhere of course. I don't even know what to buy my mom for Xmas. I'll probably end up getting her some black chocolate since she loves it. This year I realized that I actually hate the holidays.

>>716258979
Willpower, convince yourself that you Don't need her and feed off the pain.

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>>716245760
Tis one should be in YLYL thread.