post your criminal history /b/ >arrested twice for domestic

one time I pulled the fire alarm in a building
but there wasn't a fire

a cop asked for my name once because I had an open can of beer.

caught shoplifting twice
both times less than 3€ worth of stuff

stole more than 800€ worth of stuff without being caught
drunk driving on multiple occasions
minor quantities of marihuana almost all of the time
punched some turkish slut straight in the face so she went KO when i was drunk with friends. not my proudest moment

other than that im pretty much clean. german btw

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smoked kush at 18 in the parking lot of my dorm. cops were called, 7 cars showed up, surrounded my friend's car and pulled out their guns.

had a scale on me, hid it in the car, they didn't find it.

had no weed or other drugs. tried to pin me with possession. got a lawyer friends with the judge. "youthful offender" for drug paraphernalia. i kek'd hard

they found molly
they blamed it on the driver since it was under his seat

double kek

>arrested for assault with a deadly weapon
>innocent but too broke to fight it
> public defender screws me

>>715971932
i catch theiving bastards like you all the time. i've seen every fucking trick in the book.

>>715972082

fuk that's rough

>>715972132
yeah, thats the fucking problem. when you use a trink, you get caught. that was the 2 times i got fucked over.

when you're just natural about it it doesnt happen. just be natural.

dont be mad. i dont steal because of the thrill, but because i have literally no money left for eating sometimes.
im not really the pasta plus ketchup kinda guy, so the occasional chicken tendies just disappear.

I overstayed my visa in Japan by 2 years.

>>715971675
No

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>>715971675
>got caught smoking when i was a teen (yeah im cool)
>smoked weed once and now im a hard core stoner (heh 420 my dudes)
>never tip

>>715971675

THINGS ARRESTED FOR:
- Trespassing at 14
- Graffiti at 16
- Possession of prohibited weapon at 16 (Brass knuckles)

THINGS NOT ARRESTED FOR:
- Breaking and entering
- Assault

>>715971675

>trolled a feminist on tumblr
>currently serving 15years for rape

>

That is all

>>715972825
>posting/talking about shit you didnt get caught for
you're a dumb fuck and one day it'll catch up to you. stop snitching on yourself.

>>715973160

I was under 18, calm the fuck down.

>>715971675

>attempted to steal a push scooter at night when I was drunk
>suddenly cops lit up the night
>i bolted
>ran into an empty house lot
>diving over a hedge and hid
>cops everywhere but they missed me
>holy fuck I'm never stealing again

>>715973245
you're still an idiot, you fucking retarded snitch.

Under the influence of LSD I got arrested for public intoxication for sitting in my car in the middle of State Forest when I was 16 I wouldn't get out of the car because I was for sure that the cops are just part of the hallucinations sobered up in jail didn't say anything lost my wallet in the woods ended up getting stuff free

>>715973441
>lost your wallet in the woods
They probably "confiscated" it without telling you cause they knew you were tripping balls

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>>715973032
I'm posting from 2019 here dude.

>mfw I didn't fuck a fat tranny and now have the death penalty

>>715973032
Sad to know when shit like this can actually happen

One time I went on disneychannel.com WITHOUT my parents permision

Never been caught S.Ling

>>715974044
DUDE YOU CANT DO THAT

I don't get caught anymore

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>>715974044
Jesus Christ. You're the kind of person who needs to be locked up for good.

>attempted murder
charge was eventually dropped. the witness refused to testify.

>>715972082
Hey man, I've been through worse

I purged myself to save my company so that my workers and their family could at least eat, and the judge saw this act of kindness as fucking over my shareholders (those snarky Jews wanted to bankrupt the company to claim bankruptcy on their own part, essentially avoiding having to pay any of their debts or taxes for the next 7 years)

I committed purgery against them to save the company by selling all their stocks and taking 100% control once again.

In the process I lost ~200k but it was worth it. My workers have stood by me and worked for free to cover some of the expenses of the company.

The kikes are prolly off fucking over some more guys, but last I heard a Molotov flew through one of their shareholder meeting room windows "accidentally" by my main man P

>>715975239
perjury

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DUI
it's probably going to ruin my life

>>715975330
>>715975330
I've spent countless hours in a courtroom and I've said that word at least 100 times but I never knew I was such a dumbass that I was spelling it wrong

Thanks fam

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Conspiracy to distribute controlled substances
>2 years in federal incarceration

>>715975239
Aye what a nice guy

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>>715971675
>3 drinking tickets(inb4 mega edge
>3 felonies as follows
-criminal cannabis conspiracy
-manufacture/ delivery cannabis 30-500
-manufacture/ delivery cannabis 10-30
I might get released early from my probation 3 months from now and all those felonies will be wiped pray for me anons:3

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>>715976271
i know this isnt ylyl but if you want a good chuckle heres my dumbass retarded fines

>assaulted my mother
>was never arrested since younger brother wouldn't snitch on me
>also smoked pot at school
>got caught when the janitor smelt it in my gym locker
>1 week in school suspension, $1000 fine for use of illegal drugs on a school campus, and mandatory rehab classes

>>715971675
it's not much at all but,

friends and i chased by park ranger + cop after throwing molotov at a highway pillar at a park at 03:00. at 15 yr old

court for being on the wrong side of the road when i was about to race a friend on a one way road at 17. thank god we hadn't started racing and we were just rev. engines before an undercover pulled us.

now im 19 and ive been well behaved

>>715976773
You didn't pay that probation testing fee dawg

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>>715977629
just paid it today lol it was $14 because i droped the drug test in the toilet so i had to buy another one

>>715977899
>>715977899
Shit, you seem like a good guy man
Keep on keepin on anon

t. Perjury guy

>>715978136
thanks man trying did you get any jail time or felonies?

1 - Speeding & Reckless driving. 130mph in New Jersey. Given 5 days in county jail, served just over 1 day. Yes I had an Orange one piece jump suit.

2 - Misdemeanor DIP in The People's Republic of Fairfax, VA. Bar called the cops on me & my buddy. I was belligerent and yelled at the cops I was the white Rodney King and they should hit me. This was in like '93 or '94.

>>715971675
4 assaults
2 domestics
1 dui
1 inciting a riot
3 disturbing the peace
3 contributing to del
7 operating motorcycle on one wheel
4 evading police
no thefts tho

>>715978906
Fraud over 250k (cuz I sold the kike stocks without their permissions)

I was supposed to be put away for 5 years, but my 20 workers and their families, so 70 or so ppl, got together and told the judge straight face that they'd all hop on welfare if I was jailed

The judge in his infinite stupidity still gave me the charge, but no jail time

>>715977495
>>wrong side of the road when i was about to race a friend on a one way road
lie better faggot

>>715979614
damn nice if i didnt get probation my mandatory minimum was like 7 years and over 250k in fines:D what kind of company was it and what was your job title?

arrested for...violation of UCMJ art. 90..physical assault on a commissioned officer...

not arrested for..(when younger)..possession,distribution, contributing to the del. of a minor, sex with a minor( i was under 17 as well..pedofags..), destruction of public property, drinking under age, abandoning a car in a river...kek..,bringing a gun to school nearly every day, b&e, and arson...

Got caught robbing a bank last week. Currently awaiting sentencing

>stole some pens in high school

holy fuck there are some colorful characters in here

>>715972082
If it makes you feel better, same story for me when i was a teen. Public defender got me off with a CWOF, didn't trust jurers to make a competent decision so took the deal even tho i was innocent.
But hey CWOF means no record. I will live for both of us

>>715980578
For real?

Charged with possession and misdemeanor domestic. Separate times, more than 10 years apart.

>>715980739
Yes. Just fucked my shit up fam

>>715980837
Aww shit bro. Why don't you just leave? That's alooooot of time. Fuck that dude

>>715981121
My bail was 100k, if I leave my parents are on the hook for that money. I'd never let that happen. Currently sitting at 2nd degree robbery (5-10 years in prison). Hopefully lawyer can get it dropped to 3rd degree. That carries 3-5 but the presumption is no bail time. I'm a good person, just got exhausted of breaking my back for paycheck to paycheck life.

>>715981477
No jail time* not bail time.

>>715981477

how you holding up stress wise?

>>715981755
On the verge of either hysterical laughter or hysterical sobbing. Can't change what I did. Thankfully the tellers described it as "the most polite bank robbery they've ever heard of". I'll make it through one way or another. I'm not a quitter. Thanks for asking <3

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ITT: niggers

>>715981477
Hey man, at least you tried it. You can say that you got to experience the greatest rush possible. Wish i knew what it was like.
You're a better man than me if you think 5-10 isn't worth Sudoku

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>>715971675

>Trespassed farms to creampie ponies
>Did it a bunch of times
>Never got caught


Absolutely worth it.

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>>715982180
Nigga wat

>>715979390
>7 operating motorcycle on one wheel
Badass detected

>>715982314
I've had threesomes, drag raced, done pcp, got into rioting bar fights. Always came out clean. I'll tell you what.

The rush...omg...thinking back on sprinting down the street, hearing the sirens, with all that cash in my backpack... Holy shit. I can't describe it...
I'm not an combat veteran but I imagine it to feel like the rush of a fire fight.

But wtf do I know. We all gotta face the music sometime

>>715980341
>b&e
And he ain't talking about no bacon and eggs

Got a dui. Long story short.
Bad driver clip front of car, spun out, was drunk, got busted.
Car impounded, court date etc, etc... insta suspension for 3 months.
Walk home, hope into my other vehicle go to work.
Drove through suspension, drove to court dates. Lawyer was rape, so just plead guilty.
Further suspension, fine, etc.
Drove through that, got license back. Insurance was rape, drove without for 2 years till it reduced, applied for pardon, accepted, paid fee, got finalized about 5 months ago...
Fuck the system.

>>715982645
its what they actual put on the citation here, lesser offense than reckless driving

>>715971675
Aggravated assault (no conviction), 2x dwi, felony hit and run (no conviction) and felony criminal damage (convicted). All separate occasions.. oddly never committed any other crimes. I had a very serious drinking problem as well as severe psych issues that the judges were surprisingly understanding about. Haven't been in any trouble in several years since receiving help for both.

>>715976271
hey could you elaborate on your story a bit? how did you get caught up?

>>715971675
Public intoxication and DUI master race.

never had a record

never had that urge to commit petty crime

never nignogged, not a nignog

then people wonder why prisonstates exist

>>715971932
kek
>extensive list, most being repeat offenses
>other than that i'm pretty much clean

>>715982682
i just blew a load at the small amounts of adrenaline just imagining that.. good for you man, my god i envy you
Why 2nd degree? Did you have a gun?

>>715980212
I run a lumber company in Toronto, I guess my job title is professional lumber man

>>715983163
its hard to commit a crime whe you never leave the basement faggot

1st dwi
2 cases of inhalant abuse

>>715983320
No weapon no threats. I politely asked for the money and they gave it to me. I wore a mask and that implies a threat.

>>715983540
Whaaaaaat?! 2nd for a fucking mask? Your lawyer is most likely going to knock that down. If you were polite and no gun, that's a retarded charge

When i was 13 I got arrested for stealing a six pack of Coke. Since then i have learnt to run faster.

>got arrested and sent to juvy for a month when I was twelve cuz I brought a knife to school, I pretended I did it cuz I was scared of getting bullied again but I was actually gonna stab someone if they hadn't stopped me
>I was an edgelord as a kid

>>715982054
Yo real quick you wanna do this right

Go burn down the house of one of your enemies. No proof it was you and you can go through jail knowing it was worth it

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>Jaywalking multiple times

>>715983723
just hoping and praying. I'm honestly more concerned for my family. My father and mother are under enough stress and this added to it. I just needed some money to help around the house, my job literally only covered my bills and school with no respite in sight.
Tell your parents you love them everyday. You never know the last time you'll get to hug them.

Assault
2 dwi
Possession (weed 4oz,xanax)
Public intoxication

Possession charges dropped since evidence came up missing.

>>715983982
I have no enemies. I come from a quiet suburb and a good home.

Assault 2nd degree (dismissed), underage drinking (deferred sentence), possession less that 1 oz. (Reduced to misdemeanor consumption, community service) all when I was 18 years old.

got in heated argument with spouse 8 years ago
threw bowl of soup at wall
neighbors called cops (thin apartment walls)
charge:
recklessly damaging/defacing soup bowl belonging to anon's spouse (paid $6 restitution... spouse never saw a cent of the $6 restitution)

>>715975833
thought crimes are sweet

>>715984397
>>715984397
Let me try this again

Are there any corporations in your city that deserve to get fucked? Go fuck em

I was in prison for 10 years on 3 counts of attempted murder (some curries swung at me with a knife so I swung back with 12 bullets in their legs)

2 days before incarceration I burned down the head office of a company that was stiffing their employees

I recommend you do the same

>>715984273
I'm so sorry to hear that man. When i was 16 i faced a very very long time for 3 A&B with a deadly weapon. I never even committed the crime. I was going to off myself with a blade in a drug induced bout and 3 friends there, they called the cops and they turned it into a hostage thing which me and my boys knew wasn't true. No bail, didn't know why it was happening, couldn't hug my parents behind bars during the dangerous hearing.
I ALWAYS tell my parents i love them, i know it can all go away without even a reason
Good luck i hope you get reduced, and stay good in there.

>>715984987
Ahhh I see what you're getting at now. Only corporations that are stiffing people around my parts is the court house and police departments unfortunately. Not trying to compound my problems but love the insight thank you

>>715972506
you sick son of a bitch!

Felony possession of a weapon
Felony amount of cocaine (over 50 grams)
Felony amount of heroin (over 50 grams too)
Felony amount of meth (over 20 grams)
Felony amount of marijuana (over 100lbs)

Got ratted on, got caught in the trap house with 3 other guys. They tried to get us to plea. Bitch please don't. Got a good lawyer, served only 4 years (their plea was 10 years) and didn't hand over a dime. Sitting good still and that was 3 years ago that I got out.

one time i got a park curfew violation

>>715985101
Living is hard, quitting is easy that's why people choose to off themselves. Stay strong, I'll be here for you, even if I'm behind bars <3

>>715971951
you sound like a piece of shit

>>715971675
arrested for continuing a incestuous relationship after being issued a warning and falsifying identification documents for criminal intentions

>>715985508
I concur.

>>715985441
I got a CWOF 7 years ago and never looked back. I got a job a place and a girl now and no drugs. I'm glad I didn't off myself, i made it out ok.
Know An anon out there feels your pain while you're there, stay safe

>>715985361
you get your shit pushed in?

>>715985770
What's cwof?

>>715985361
You must've had a really fucking Jewish lawyer man

All those schedule 1s and a gun? You'd be looking at life in basically every state that isn't a cucked shithole

>>715982314
ide personally rather do a sudoku then a 5-10 as well but only an east level one. fuck that not knowing which line to start on

I once had Protected Sex, and it wasn't in the Missionary Position.

No record whatsoever

>>715986159
When you kill yourself they win. Never give up

>>715985361
DID YOU GET YOUR SHIT PUSHED IN?

>>715985895
Continued without a finding. It means you plead guilty to sufficient facts and get probation for years, and if you dont violate then the case doesn't go to trial and you have no record

>>715986382
it was a joke. budddy up there confused seppokku or whatever the fuck with the math game

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>Two PDC
>both dismissed and expunged

>>715986509
Your joke was bad and you should feel bad.

>>715986436
I'll ask my lawyer about that thanks anon

>>715986573
whats pdc

>>715986633
it isnt funny as a stand alone. i was pointing out the other guys fuck up which was hilarious

>>715971929

did you tell him he was being recorded?

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>>715971675
> I have taken numerous shits in public places. >Everywhere I go, I leave a poopie behind me.
> I have never been caught.
>I am the midnight shitter.

>>715986735
Good idea, I'd be surprised if he hadn't heard of it but hopefully that's an option for you. If you can prove to the judge you'll never be at risk in the future you can get it.

>>715986968
>Surprised if he hadn't thought of it

>>715986809
He didn't fuck up. That's the joke. Sudoku is a meme on seppuku.
Are you trolling me? Can you stop?

>>715986768
Public disorderly conduct. Both happened within one month.

>>715987057
not drunk? wutd you do

>>715987029
youre a meme

Got nine months in jail and another 10 months with an Ankle Bracelet for assault, back when i was younger and a asshole.

>>715987240
I robbed a bank and got caught 15 minutes later. I am meme

>>715971675
I've almost been framed for homicide once (story follows after all the other shit), stole a lot of stuff when I was a kid as well but never got caught

>be me
>14
>left highschool early cuz PE sucks and I was fat af
>pick up random gun lying in the street
>didn't realise the two dead people on the corner (I didn't turn and you couldn't see them either from where the gun was)
>somebody yells at me
>drop gun
>run away
>police arrives
>scared af but I manage to tell the cop I picked then gun because it was there
>cop was nice and understood but didn't let me go
>witness of the actual murder shows up and tells the cop it wasn't me, that it was someone taller not a 14yrs old bitch and that he went the other way the gun was
>cop asks why I wasn't at school (had hs uniform on)
>I tell cop school is till 12am (lie)
>cop says he'll drive me home then
>I say no lemme go and I run away
>look back, see cops laughing their lungs out
>they ask me which class I left for
>me: shout PE, cops laugh again
>go to school to be picked up by parents as if nothing happened

this thread is getting more terrible by the post

>>715987415
>Fat kid runs
>Cops laugh
>Fat kid goes home and eats tendies, gets more fat
>cycle continues

I once stubbed my toe watering my spice garden and I only cried for three minutes.

>Assault w/ a deadly weapon / Terroristic Threats / Breaking and entering
Attacked a dude with a machete

>Misdemeanor Posession of Cannabis
Had other drugs on me as well, but the charges were reduced.

Got caught in lithuania 10km from latvia with 2000 extasy pills 3 years in estonian prison

>>715971675
I once got a ticket for dark tinted windows on my car.

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>>715987126
Very drunk both times. Basically fiance left, found out she also maxed my credit card.

Went on a one month chimpout.

>>715971675
Public intoxication master race.
Also 3rd degree burglary.

>>715971932
I hope you end in prison for life you criminal nigger

>>715987867
>>715987867
You get your shit pushed in?

>>715971675
Was last year or so...
>Disturbing the peace (>?tf<?)
>drunk in public....

2 months later
>hit and run,,
this is in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana
my uncle is chief of police topkek

>>715971675
Shot the windows out of a dudes truck because he was threatening a group of us and I knew they were about to jump him so I scared him off. Overnight and a 500$ fine

Shot a nigger when I came home to my fiancé fucking him. Claimed self defense of a bystander and got off because I could reasonably suspect it was rape. Sued her and got my ring back along with breaking off all ties and her family disowned her for being with a mudshark and breaking my heart. They send me Christmas cards now.

>>715988119
no, we dont have niggers in our prisons

When I was thirteen, me and some friends broke into some random's back yard shed and stole a bunch of paper. No fuckin' clue why. The neighbors called the police, they drove us home, which was like a minute walk for most of us.

>>715988356
none of that shit happened

Once safely drove home breaking no rules and obeying the speed limit. Then commenced to take my limit of speed. was a great 16th bday

>>715988520
You never saw a single rape attempt in there?

>one count of assault 3rd degree; I punched my abusive mother in her fat pie hole
>one count of disturbing the peace for getting in a fight

>>715988689
Welcome to the deep south in America. Where everyone has a gun and no one cares about anything if you've got a little money.

>>715986918
> underrated post

>>715988984
*Tips fedora*

>>715987803
LMFAO, it wasn't quite like that but u made me laugh so hard fk u lmao.

I was fucking overweight because I didn't do any type of sports in a whole year (and the previous one as well I think). The next year I stopped dropping from every single PE class and started fencing.

>>715989154
>Trolling intensifies

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>be me drunk m8 says lets cause damage break into house steal shit someone see call police inside house police bust in 19 at least flashlights big dog i say fuck of with that dog it scary put me on ground hand cuff me trys to hurt me jokes on you m8 ima drunk as fuck and cant feel shit go to police station wait in a holding room for 9 hours have court still going on a year later im white btw friend was a islander

>>715985565

greentext?

Charged with fraud at 16

so many niggers in this thread.

>>715989986
>newfags can't greentext correctly

>>715990466
>you mad neckbeard

>>715989986
THATS A LOT OF WORDS FOR ONE LINE OF GREENTEXT

>3 speed tickets
>illegal parking
>driving without license
>store theft

only things i got caught for

As an adult, disorderly conduct and shoplifting. Separate occasions.

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Marijuana Possession. 19 years old. $300 ticket and misdem.
Anti Semetic hate crime. Felony. 17 years old. Got in juvenille diversion

Not going to tell you who I am, or where I'm from.

I was charged with securities fraud at the age of 17, I co-ran a canadian fortune 500 company with my former regional manager at that time. If you look the story up, you'll eventually find me. I'm currently 21

>>715971675
I once stole a penny from the veteran's fund.

>>715979390
>1 inciting a riot
What the fuck happened?

>>715991771
how much easy cash you make?

>>715971675
Criminal History:
None.

Criminal History: I'm white

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>>715993726
hilarious and original

>>715992758
I had 30 million stashed away, my former regional manager from my 2nd job kept the rest and spread it amongst some of our guys

How did I do this even with frozen assets?

>swiss

It's hard to remember them all

>growing weed
>underage smoking
>trespassing with a kg of salvia divinorum
>drunk driving, speeding, 1oz of weed
>shoplifting in canada

>>715994036
a swiss anon gave me a lot of money one time

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>Cunt sister and her demon spawn accuse me of kiddy diddling
>Would never do that, pissed I'm accused
>No evidence, I passed polygraph, etc
>Get off scott free, charges dropped with prejudice
>Sister salty, family knows she's a lying crack whore now

Official record still squeaky clean, I'm a good boy who dindu nuffin. Not sure if the fact I was charged is tracked though.

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penis size rank

>>715995377
It's Scot free, not scott free.

>underage drinking
>posession

neither on record

>>715972433
I like that
Do not eat cheap shit
It's all or nothing

>>715990466
>>715987415
I'm a newfag and i got it right... that's a retardfag.

>>715995489
Shit, my bad. Nobody ever accused me of being literate, I guess

Im white
so clean

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>>715971675
>6 batteries
>possession of marijuana
>possession of cocaine
>school bullying
>possession of marijuana with intent to distribute
>run away (juvenile)
>DUI
>concealed weapon without a permit
>malicious injury to property

Arrested for assault
Put in juvie for 7 months
Charged with felony for spitting on an CO
No legal trouble since I became an adult

I was arrested for breaking into an elementary school during a snow day with my cousin. The cops called us bonny and clyde and I was mad as fuck because she wouldn't even let me fug.

Hello Feels.

arrested with weed on my wallet when i was 16, on my school

one almost charge of assault - dropped because grade 10 and psych stuff
arrested for posession of pizza, dropped because they couldn't start my dead ass laptop that originally had it

>get my homies tia's car
>couple of us go joy riding
>decide to steal liquor from local Walmart
>mission successful but they see our get away car
>hours later we're drinking in friends front yard, police are called, neighbors think we're trespassing
>police roll up, recognize the car and us from security footage
>Arrested
I've also been charged with handling a makeshift Bat, apparently its a felony in California..making me a felon

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>>715996955

>>715982465
Lol awesome I take it it felt good

>>715983487
How do you get caught abusing inhalants

>>715996955
How did you get caught with the pizza

>shoplifting
>destruction of public property
>disturbing the peace
>underage drinking (one month before I turned 21)
>stolen property >$2,500
>possession of weed (wasn't even mine)

I'm a bad boy, /b/.

>>715983392
Crazy lol which court did you go to? I'm in scarbs

I keep coming back to /b/.

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stole lego from my school in kindergarten

>>715972575
Delet this

>>715971675
>no arrests
>no tickets
>no civil suits

who else /scotchfree/ here

>>715975239
Good man

I was given 3 days suspension for sexual harassment in junior year of high school. She claimed I groped her when I never did. I touched (barely) her stuffed tissue chest whenever she touched mine. Gave her a warning. Double standards are garbage. RIP me. She lost half of her friends during that time lol

>>716002532
those "jews" were actually hard-working protestants, and the poster is an actual jew

you're applauding a thief

>>715971675
not me but i know someone who got put on a terrorist watch list for threatening a park ranger

I remember being beneath a tree in a small park in a poor neighborhood with friends when i was 15, we were high as fuck and i saw a cop car with the corner of my eye and my back was facing them, i heard them park by the sidewalk and they were obviously eavesdropping so i smoothly started talking about nerdy stuff 15-16 yr olds would normally talk about and acting all innocent. They stopped for a good whole minute and eventually left. Looking back i would say i acted very convincing and we got away with it. We had weed and each his own pipe on us

>>716003907
i got put on a terrorist watchlist for threatening to beat my dick like it owed me money

>>715971675
Girl said I molested her. Didn't.

Got off after a pointless trial with no evidence or arrest made.