I'm going to kill me I have decided that I want to forget

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I'm going to kill me
I have decided that I want to forget everything I have lived through. All the friends, all the family, all the love, all the good times, everything. I feel like I deserve to burn in hell, but i don't think I'm a bad person.

Everyone deserves to burn in hell, some more than others.
I just want to erase all my mistakes, all my embarrassments, all my transgressions, all of my pain, and all of my secrets. I feel like I will enjoy burning in hell. Eternal agony can really have a positive effect on the soul. To burn in hell is to know that I'm finally where I belong and where I will stay for eternity.

Alternatively, my death will come and my conscious will be no more, hence I will cease to exist...

Regardless, I would like my family and friends to be absent of grief and mourning for my loss. I have devised a plan that will make my death unbeknownst to anyone I have felt strongly for. I plan to simply vanish.

Let me know if you have any suggestions to make my plan any better.

On the eve of next summer, I will go on to sail a boat to the deep ocean off the coast of south Africa. I will take with me a silenced .45 caliber handgun, three cinder blocks, duct tape, and waterproof cord. then I will tie the cord around my neck and through the three cinder blocks. I will gently put the concrete over the side of the boat and pick up the gun. Very carefully I will tape the gun to my hand as I hang my head over the side of the boat. With one motion, I put the barrel of the gun facing straight up under my chin and pull the