Ok /b/ro's I'm basically fucked. I'll take it

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>”I’ll take two packets of cups, please”
>”which Grand Cru would you like, sir?”
>whatthefuckdoesthatmean.jpg
>”ehhh normal will be fine”
>”could you describe your taste in coffee, sir?”
>end up walking out with a fair amount Nespresso coffee
>haven’t said a word to her about why I was there
>mfw I don’t even have a Nespresso coffee maker
>so fucking embarrassed

>few days later muster the courage to go back and this time tell her
>again freeze
>just buy more coffee
>this has been going on for three months now
>twice a week I go to that store during my lunch break and buy coffee from her
>I now have over 500 unused Nespresso cups in a cardboard box in my house
>last time she even asked why I don’t buy more at one time
>I laughed nervously and bolted out of there
>also my mom is starting to ask questions about the coffee

Please /b/ro’s, how can I turn this around. I’m so stuck. I really want to ask her out.

>>715267177
better buy yourself a nespresso machine you fucking pleb

LOL, thats the end of your story? fuck i was expecting more. i'm so taken aback that i can't even give you advice...

>>715267300
/thread

>>715267300
wait, this is genius. do they sell machines there? buy one from her, then when she asks if yours broke, be like, "No, i never had one. I just come in here to see you."

This is a beta line, and it may backfire, but I think it's your only shot. Like, 40% chance of working, 60% chance of freaking her out.

>>715267177
Tell her you want blow her back out. Simple.

>>715267649
this

>>715267649
That's just retarded enough to possibly work. Go for this, OP

>>715267479
I get why you say that but you have to understand that for the past 4 months my whole existence has revolved around my trips to that store and every fucking time I don't know what to say when i get there it's fucking depressing.

I'm so afraid now that if I tell her she's just going to laugh at me like they do most of the time..

>>715267649
hmm would that really work? shouldnt i lie? and what cologne should I wear and maybe a suit? my family usually tells me i look good in a suit but thats at funerals mostly.

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>>715267093

>>715267093
i wanted to say sth funy but idk u re fucked

>>715267649
this but gauge her reaction, if you drop that line and she looks creeped out, say you were just joking and that your machine broke. say this guy's line suavely and playfully if you can and youre not an autistic retard faggot, which you probably are judging from your greentext

>>715268000
trips wasted on a true autist

1. Buy a fucking Nespresso machine.
2. No one who works in a pretentious Nespresso boutique is going to look twice at someone who's 'podgy', so sort out your diet, get to the gym/bodyweight exercises at home, combine with running (both sprints and longer distance).
3. Do #2 again. and again. do it a lot.
4. Drink all that fucking coffee.
5. By the time you've finished the coffee, you should be looking less podgy. Go into the shop and talk to her when you might have a chance.

>>715267177
>kill self
it's the only way

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>>715268000
my sides are in orbit

>>715268000
do not wear a suit... this is already a try hard line. you have to not appear to be trying too hard
becuase you already bought a stupid amount of cofee trying too hard.

You know what means the most? Honesty, again this doesn't guarantee you anything. But if being honest now will work, nothing would've worked. Don't waste your time dreaming, get out there, be honest to her about what you feel and if she denies you, you can walk away with acceptance and move on.

I wish you the best of luck anon

>>715268634
okay mabye ill try this
should i have a rose or something?

>>715268634
acceptance and coffee

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>>715267093
>>715267177
put me in the screenshot

>>715268848
fuck. no. no rose, no suit. you can smell nice, but don't fucking try so hard.

Where did you get these ideas on how to pick up women op? Why do you think wearing a suit is going to help you? Your outcome dependence is massively showing and realistically reduces your to zero.

You need to read Models by Mark Manson before you try to pick up women OP.

>>715268979
movies, mostly. i dont talk to girls that much. but isnt my outcome dependence already showing anyways?

>>715268962
by your logic I should also smell bad so im not sure if Im going to take your advice

>>715268942
what screenshot?

>>715269180
You believed the Jewish movie machine as to how to pick up women....oi vey. Don't know why you think that would work.

You seriously need to buy the Nespresso machine. But after you do that, if you still take the same bus as her, you haven't really done any damage that she knows about. You can either risk it with the "I just came here for you" line (which is too risky for me), or just at some point say what you were supposed to say the whole time, which is, "hey, I've seen you on the bus. I'm anon."

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>>715269262

Genuinely hysterical.

I have a mental imagine my head:

Wear a funeral suit with a bunch of roses, a box of 500 coffee cups.

Walk into shop.

say "I have been coming here for 3 months.
I do not have a coffee machine.
I smell nice."

Run out or shop proud for completing sentence!

That's a great image.

Write a note so next time you go there, leave it on the register after you pay, then walk out. Gauge response when you walk in next.

Wear a fedora and tell her about your mate Naruto. Bitches love Naruto.

The only way you'll ever get a woman is to not give a fuck if you fail or succeed on any given attempt. You've already failed by investing so much time on one pussy prospect. Never put all of your hopes on one female. For all you know she has a boyfriend already. If she was into you at all you'd have noticed the signs by now.

>>715267177
Pic of the box of coffee with time stamp

>>715267093
so lad... its all up to you now.

>she has a boyfriend

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>>715269668
fucking kek

give up already OP

>>715267649
Don't do this. Or if you do, do it jokingly.

Ask her out, If she says no then at least you don't need to keep wasting your money on coffee you won't drink.

Get angry. Walk into store. Tell her you have found the aeropress and her Nespresso is crud. Look her in the eye (assuming she only has one eye). "If you ever want to see me again..."

Pause for dramatic effect...

Pause a little longer...

Pause well beyond the point of making it awkward...

Pause until you make yourself feel uncomfortable and you lose all sense apart from your purest form of autism...

Whisper under your breath: "Tits or GTFO"

>>715267177
DON'T approach her at work.

look her up on FB, find ou where she goes/hangs out, even if u see her at the bus stop (or just around), try and strke a convo (only if u can do it naturally) and fidn out what she likes. Then find a common interest, and let the rest come form there.

OP here, there was a customer

>>715269484
i dunno i need practice i guess. its just im 27 and i feel like its getting a bit sad if i still dont ask girls out

>>715269543
that would be weird because ive seen her twice a week for the past three months, and then to refer to the bus. or would that be reverse psychology or something?

>>715269668
ok i get now why not the roses

>>715269867
i dont think she has a boyfriend because she smells nice and smiles a lot

>>715269991
im at work right now

>>715267649
LMBO, if buying a machine after so many cups is akward, the post just goes downhill from there.

>>715270604
This is honestly the best advice here

>>715270604
>don't approach her at work
>stalk her until you find her full name, search her on fb, and add her, hoping to strike a convo with her

Definitely this op

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>>715270668
>i dont think she has a boyfriend because she smells nice and smiles a lot

the autism is real

Just a quick question anon, important one, what job do you do, she must know you come in your lunch breaks, do you have a good job? Are you desirable? Also she works full time selling coffee, if she's settled for that then she may settle for you.

Clearly you are not getting her attention. Try flinging some shit at her next time you walk into the shop.

>>715267177
God damn I kek'd so hard

>>715267649
This
But maintain eye contact and give a playful smile while you say it.
If you say some shit like this while looking at your feet, there's 0 fuckin chance

>>715270869
You might want to strike a convo first (mabey by the bus stop, passing after work), Talk about soemthing eays like the wheter, find interestss, exchange names, then FB

. Order revised, lol written it so quick

TAKE A PICTURE OF ALL YOUR NESPRESSO AND POST IT FAGGOT

>>715270668
How the fuck is her smiling and smelling good indicative of being single? You truly are hopeless. Way to ignore the other parts of my post. You are doomed to failure because you're taking advice from yourself, someone who's obviously had zero success with women.

I've fucked more work accidentally than you ever will with your best efforts unless you change your entire approach. No woman is special. They are interchangeable warm holes devoid of personality or intelligence. So trying to make her into something more than potential sex. There are billions of females out there, so drop the tunnel vision.

>>715271349
This

>>715271349
yeah, i wanna see how much the poor fucker bought

>>715269180
Are you this autistic?
Looking good casually and smelling good lets her know you aren't a (total) pleb in life. Wearing a suit or some bullshit like that tells her you need this more than anything and you are desperate. HUGE difference in looking successful and looking pathetic

>>715269180
Fucking troll, no one can be this autistic.

Smelling nice > good.

Showing up in suit with rose to ask a girl for her fucking number > creepy freak who should set themselves on fire for being so autistic

>>715268000
>I must by a coffee maker!
>Time for the funeral suit!!

Just dress normally and relax (or at least try to)

>>715270331
What is a Kek?

>>715270668

wtf? My wife smells nice, I smell nice, everyone who gives a shit about what other people think of them smell nice, it's not an indication of their relationship status.

>>715269668
Actually laughed, thanks anon

>>715270604

also dont add her on facebook since she knows you from work it will be a bit creepy

not much you can do OP, you need to strike a conversation in the bus

>>715271375
*work -> women
*so trying -> stop trying

>>715267649
>Step 1: Be attractive
>Step 2: Don't be unattractive

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>>715270668
>i dont think she has a boyfriend because she smells nice and smiles a lot

>mfw

On topic now: Be her secret admirer

>>715270668
dude the male turnaround is like 3/10 chicks actually dating you, you better start stepping up those numbers if you want a gf

>>715271604
this makes no sense because it shows youre willing to make an effort. how can that be bad. I know funeral sounds bad but its a really nice suit i think you can wear it to other things than funerals as well.

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>>715269562
Are you the same guy that ASKED to be in the screenshot?
If you want to be in a funny thread collage, make a funny/witty comment
Don't just throw up a shitty and overused reaction image and fucking ask to be put into the god damn screenshot collage, you lazy fuckwad.

Oh, and a condescending wonka reaction? Are you fuckin' serious kiddo?

If you want to be in a screenshot, either git gud or make one yourself. /triggered

If you are really going to ask her out, DO NOT DO IT AT HER WORK. That is extremely bad form. You will make her feel uncomfortable and trapped.
Just hit her up on the bus. Be casual.

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>>715267093
>>715267177

>>715272115
hmm but then i'd have to follow her from work to the bus. she could think im a stalker or something

OP calm the fuck down seriously, talk to her like a normal fucking human being.

Just tell her you're interested in her and would like to talk with her over lunch or something god damn. No fucking "suave monologues" or conversation planning and just treat her like a guy with tits bolted on.

>>715272038
I'm done, this is a troll.

Never, never ask a girl out at her work. That shit is seriously uncomfortable for her. It puts her right on the fucking spot.

>>715267093
>Try fucking your step-daughter on a regular basis.

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>>715272277

>secretly goes into same store to see same girl he doesnt know
>buys coffee he doesnt need
>"she could think im a stalker or something"

my fucking sides
this thread is gold

>>715272277
Don't you two ride the same bus?

>>715267649
this is alpha as fuck

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>>715272086
That wasn't me, I asked for the screenshot. But I agree with wonka man.

>>715272115

Yeah, just ask her on the bus and make her feel uncomfortable and then she has to find a new way to get to and from work...

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>>715272086

Fuck all this information. All these data points. Ignore it all.

Grab that sexy funeral suit. Make up a cup of Nespresso (sounds like you'll need the caffeine), grab a load of roses, and a shit load of other flowers. Funeral flowers to go with the suit. Then strut unto her, take off your Trilby and look at her longingly. Take her hand and kiss it softly. Tell her how perfect you would be together and that although she's only an 8/10, you'd still do her.

Make sure it's in front of her work colleagues. It'll make them jealous.

Don't forget to get a friend to record it for us and her to watch.

Screw this 4Chan help shit. Get out there, try your hardest, wear that funeral suit, bring forth the flowers, smell like a sex fiend (not a paedophile though), tell her how great you both are, record it for antiquity to each others how to strut their stuff, and remember to post the results on here,

>>715267177
>”could you describe your taste in coffee, sir?”
kek, implying nespresso is actually coffee worth drinking!

>>715272976

that's 2 alpha for op

OP confirmed for autistic troll. Abandon thread.

Shhhhhhh child watch this shhhhhhhhhhhh

https://youtu.be/oUl86J15_jY

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can anyone here help me to get this girl to my home in an hour ?

>>715272976
this OP, do it

>>715273403
Chloroform, duct tape and a getaway car work

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>OP asks this girl out
>suprisingly, she says yes
>things go well, they go out a few more times
>OP finally has her over to his house
>OP is in the bathroom
>she tells him she wants to make them some coffee
>she opens kitchen cabinet
>hundreds of nespresso coffees burst out
>OP struggles awkwardly out of bathroom with his pants around his ankles screaming "NOOOO!!!" in slow motion

>>715273403
Where are you? Where is she?

>>715273599
nope
>>715273642
well she is at her home which is 10 min. drive from my home

>>715269668
kek

>>715267093
>>715267177

OK OP ignore everyone else, here is your strategy:


Because you've gone into the store so often by now, she should recognize you outside of the store. Step 1: STOP going into the store immediately. Step 2: wait a week or two. Don't do a thing. Step 3: wait till you see her on the bus again. Casually try to start a light conversation, ie: "from the nespresso store, right?" casually explain that you replaced your machine with something better, thats why you havent been to the store anymore. as a bonus make her feel inferior. Talk about how soo much coffee is better than the nespresso she sells. casually mention a coffee shop nearby that illustrates that (its really important that they actually have good coffee). tell her that she should join you next time so she can taste the difference.

she will now give her number because you made yourself look interesting and made her feel inferior

BOOM

>>715273403
Need more info

>>715273836
How do you know where she lives?

>>715273600
Kek

>>715273600
i was secretly hoping for this.

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>>715274030
best advice so far

>>715268000
well this could work

>go to coffee shop in suit
>say you just came back from funeral and have a whole new perspective in life
>buy coffee maker and spew the "No, i never had one. I just come in here to see you." line
>add something like: "Im not sure how long I got left but if could spend a second with you and your smile then I can die happy"

she thinks your like a new man with class and determination

>>715274030
Will not work, any girl thats over a 7/10 will know this is a line. We will need pics of this girl to make a better judgement. Since OP knows where she lives and also knows she is home atm then its safe to assume he has creep shots of her. He's just holding out

>>715273600
my god

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>>715273600
actually laughing

>>715273836
I'd be willing to help if you were close enough. Area code?

Just start masturbate in front of her and scream "I love you, can I have your number so we can go drink some coffee together? I have a shit ton of coffee at home."

10/10 this will work.

>>715274030
List of things that could actually work and not make OP look like more of a beta:

>>715268000

Your family is lying to you to be nice. What are they supposed to say? Oh hey, I know we just lost aunty Jen, but you look like a fuckwit in that suit.

>>715273226
>kek, implying nespresso is actually coffee worth drinking!

Any recommendations in Espresso machines? I'm thinking of getting an decent HX machine (al least), or Double boiler like the Brewtus IV

>>715274346
no

>>715274056
umm cause we talk and don't forget the swarm app

need more info for ?
i wanna fuck her so hard that she passes out. if thats the info you want

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>>715267649
>>715267795
>>715267835

>>715274667
Autism: the sequel
The Final Frontier

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>>715274667
OP do you need the suicide hotline

>>715267177
Tell her you donate the coffee to a local womens shelter.

>>715274592
well i don't live in the states so even if i give you my area code i don't think that will make any difference.

>>715269668
I'm actually crying

>>715267876
>for the past 4 months my whole existence has revolved around my trips to that store and every fucking time I don't know what to say when i get there it's fucking depressing.

We know that you fuckin beta pleb.

You're an embarrassment.

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>>715270668
>i dont think she has a boyfriend because she smiles nice and smells a lot

>>715275166
>smiles nice and smells a lot

>>715270998
You clearly don't read for a living.

I hope someone's capping this thread. It's a classic!

>struggling to read thread through tear filled eyes

>>715274346
>Im not sure how long I got left
Oh yeah she would want to date that guy.....