autist roommate stories >22. Senior year of college >living

Bump for quads

>>714931111
good quads

File: IMG_3351.jpg (246KB, 1100x1380px) Image search: [Google]

246KB, 1100x1380px

>>714931111
Nice quads
Also ,bump

File: Rare_d574f6_5507279.jpg (43KB, 528x492px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 528x492px

fuck it i'll post em anyway.

>one friday night. Just finished with some long ass assignment, needing the delicious comfort of some motherfuckin orange juice
>approach the living room, now known as the autist's cave.
>he's there, sitting in a chair, balls deep in some queer ass game on his ps4
>notice a few empty containers around him
>think nothing of it as my mind is racing for this vitamin c rush
>open the fridge
>orange juice is nowhere to be seen
>turn to autist
>"yo did bro drink my juice"
>nothing but a passive grunt from the autist
>look closer at the containers around him
>one of them is my precious orange juice
>thisnigger.jpg
>walk over, pick it up. something sloshes around inside, think it's orange juice
>berate autist for stealing my juice.
>crack the cap open, ready to pour myself a glass
>murky yellow liquid defiles my glass
>itspiss.png
>this fucking queef drank 1.5 liters of orange juice and turned it into a fucking pissbottle

File: 15228034_212043399245143_2003675877_n.jpg (27KB, 539x960px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 539x960px

>>714931111
nice quads
>be me go to friends apartment in berlin
>planned to stay a week there
>autistic roomate ignores me the first few hours
>friend tells me how autistic he is and how he acts like sheldon cooper (he did fucking cancer)
>befriended him by talking nerdy shit
>ask me to go on his room
>dark as hell, ghetto towels as curtains, room smells like cum and weed, fat fuck never cleans shit, apartment is full of dirty shit and rotten food, autistic nigger enjoys swimming on his own filth,
>starts sticking around with me and my friend for the week
>starts dancing and doing weird shit to impress me for some reason
>tries to get girls (15year olds)
>didnt fucking showered once all the time i stayed on the apartment.

File: flat,800x800,075,f.u2.jpg (53KB, 800x522px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 800x522px

>turn to autist after discovering that my precious juice has turned into piss
>"did you do this"
>nothing but a grunt in reply
>step in front of his tv, ask again
>tard rage engaged
>steps up, starts shrieking about his game
>refuse to move until he fesses up to defiling my juice
>lanky bitch tries to shove me out of the way
>my manlet strength is too strong for him
>starts barking about dying in game and shit
>remain silent and swish his cloudy ass piss in my fucking bottle
>"fine, anon. I drank your fucking juice, now please fucking move."
>he sits his lanky ass down
>place the cloudy pissbottle in front of the screen
>walk back to my room, and plot revenge

I have so many stories about this fucking cuck

>>714931111
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA8DdkM2Wqo

>>714932906

>>714932179
anyways got more stories.
>friend has to work on the morning
>stayed with autistic cuck
> told him to get wasted.
>he went and stole like 12 beers.
>stuffed it all on my fucking bag
>chilled on a local park for a while
>talked about normal shit (he was doing autistic dance moves)
>bunch of kids come to the park with their teachers(apparently they are doing a seminar for the weekends)
>autistic cuck starts drinking loudly and play music loudly
>fuckitwhynotjoin.jpeg
>angry feminist comes tarshing around.
> screeches about how we are loitering around and shit
>MFW loitering
>tells us not to loiter and drink at 11 am on a park
> go back to his room
>ohgodthefilth.gif
>niggers leftovers had become a biosphere for fungus.
>asked what games does he has for ps4
>japanese weeb shit
>niggers place smells rancid.
>open window.
>get yelled at because of letting the weeds smell leave the room

File: Only+if+it+s+a+rare+pepe+i+m+meant+to+_6d1e366e97ba589d7d1e1b74fc1adcf8.png (21KB, 325x265px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 325x265px

bump you little cunts

>different day, same tard
>come back after a long ass day of class, food in hand
>autist is in his usual perch, hisses about how fucking bright it is
>dont mind his shit as I've got a big ass fuckin sandwich from a local place
>sit down in my room and eat with my door firmly locked to keep the tard fumes from getting to me
>there is a knock at my door
>itstheautist.gif
>"what up" i ask, trying to stay lighthearted
>"whered you get that food, anon" he asks, not wasting a second of his precious time away from his tard box
>"uhh.. local place, its downtown. why?"
>this fucking nigger
>"I want some" he asks, dead fucking serious
>"dude, they're fucking cheap go get one"
>he shakes his head, saying he cant because of some fucking shit with his clan on ps4
>"too bad"
>close the door on him
>this nigger stands there for fucking ten minutes pounding on my door, bitching about how shitty of a roommate I am

I need to tell you about this fucking cunt's "didi"

I'll bump this bullshit

>>714933833

so he thought you were supposed to just give him your sandwich? why do parents do this to their kids, then let them loose on the streets? he should have been in a group home, not college.

>>714933833
Please tell us about the didi OP

File: mypoorglass.jpg (73KB, 500x560px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 500x560px

time to tell you all about this cunts fucking demented sex life

time for some backstory

>move out for the first time when im 18
>take my favorite mug from my parents house
>looks like a fucking cool ass paint can or something from the glaze n shit
>cherish this fucking mug because sentiment

introduce the autist

>come home from class at like 7 pm
>need coffee so i can write a paper
>put on a fresh pot
>awyiss.jpg
>twenty minutes later, time for coffee
>mug is fucking gone
>start searching, one of my tard roommates must have used it
>dustinthewind.png
>autist comes out of his room
>visibly red in the fucking face
>clutching my mug in his hand
>"oh I thought I had lost my mug. can you wash it? I was gonna make coffee."
>autist sits there. can fucking hear the static coming from his brain.
>fucking bullet time as this nigger shows me what he did to my childhood mug
>this fucking cuck mixed an obscene amount of cornstarch and water and turned it into a mold for his fucking septic dick
>my mug is a sex toy
>take my mug from his trembling fingers
>look at it. hand it back, "clean this fucking shit out"
>this fucking nigger starts complaining about how long it took him to make
>freeze frame
>"you're bitching about using the mug that I told everyone else not to use, as a fucking sex toy."
>tard freezes
>doesnotcompute.jpg
>"yes"
>simply point at the sink
>autist takes a spoon and starts to chunk out the starch mixture
>world fucking stops spinning as I watch this unholy event
>cum is oozing from the bottom of my mug
>this nigger didn't clean it out
>"tard... did you cum in my mug"
>"uh... yeah.."

pic related. what this nigger turned my mug into

bumperino

>>714935527
kek i'd choke the faggot bu i'll give it to him that's funny

File: 1460516574814.png (17KB, 418x359px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 418x359px

>>714935527
That's just fucking atrocious

>>714935821
dont worry theres more to our little tale

>>714935928
Please continue

>>714935527

why dont you beat the shit out of him with a frying pan?

>>714935888
nice trips.

More

Best thread on b atm

>>714935170
I don't know fam, not the OP, but my roommate is very spoiled. Im actually probably the more autistic one between the two of us, but he is the one who has no clue how to live with another person. The example that comes to mind was two months ago. He is really sensitive to cold, and we live in Utah, so one day he told me he was going to buy a space heater. I am against this because we live in a small room and I don't like it to be too hot. For reference he wanted it to be around 80 degrees. Tell him he is not heating our room any more than it is, and if he is cold he can wear more layers or buy an electric blanket. Roommate is visibly shocked at being told he can't do something. Bitches about if for a week until I show him the fire code for our building. He can't do his own laundry, he goes home every one or two weeks with his laundry so his parents can do it. He snores like a fucking beast despite being a 90 lb stick, then complained to our RA about me sleeping on the couch because when I left the room at night it would wake him up. Fucking hate this cunt, bought a private dorm next term, can't wait to move out.

File: Wanna+trade+it+for+this+rare+super+pepe+_9fbf0c414ab2ee4bea30484d2e68229f.png (430KB, 612x900px) Image search: [Google]

430KB, 612x900px

you thought I was done?

>this nigger's fucking love gravy is oozing from my childhood mug
>stare at him. "why did you cum in my mug"
>all this cunt can say is "d... did... didi.."
>dismiss this as autist white noise
>watch this nigger scoop out the only pussy he's ever going to get into our kitchen sink
>tell him to wait by the sink.
>go to the bathroom and get our rubbing alcohol
>hand it to the autist and tell him to wipe out the fucking mug.
>"di.. did... didi.."
>thisnigger.png
>watch him wipe out the mug
>watch him put it into the dishwasher
>this nigger looks like he's about to fucking burst into tears
>"what did we learn, tard?"
>"uh.."
>"don't fuck my mug."
>this nigger just stands there while I grab another mug and pour myself some coffee, sufficiently done with his shit

wait till you hear about his first date in a while

other day with my friends roomate
>start the day good as it can get
>friend is arguing with autistic nigger about cleaning shit uo
>start cleaning shit up
>rotten cheese with fungus in it
>nigger starts ranting about that food is perfectly good to eat.
>mfw nigger what
>we go get breakfast
>nigger acts like sheldon cooper and has the same breakfast every day.
>get back and starts talking how he fucks alot of bitches
>k.jpeg

>>714936533
>Date
Are you serious? Someone went on a date with this guy?

>>714936533
im following op. keep going

>>714931111
why the fuck are you telling stories about me faggot. first of all, none of u fags spend the most time in here, i do, so naturally this is my territory. 2nd of all you stupid niggers keep the lights on ALL the god damn time. kill urself and save the environment

this rustles the man

>>714936767
Shit troll is shit

>>714936867
But you are the only one I see trolling.

>>714932179
> freshman year of college, living in dorm
> randomly assigned roommate spends all day every day watching pirated episodes of Frasier on his laptop and headphones
> We probably talked less than 5 minutes total all semester
> best roommate I ever had

>>714935527
god thats bad, i got one from just a few days ago

>Be me, average looking regular anon
>have tard friend
>5' fucking goblin neckbeard weeb
>friends with him because we've known eachother for years
>decide to huff nitrous because stoner
>get tard friend to buy, government gives him cash for just exsisting
>bullshit
>he buys 6 cans of whipped cream
>i bring balloons
> go to park real late because work
>shops are closed, but we got the stuff so whatever
>get ready for it, everything is ready
> suddenly need to pee real bad
>go to the bushes far away for 5 minuets
>piss all my insides out, feels good
>come back.
>This.
>Mother.
>FUCKER
>he sat there and sprayed all of the whipped cream
>ALL OF IT
>right into his mouth
>have to sit there with him for an hour while he cries and says he didn't understand
>RETARD

I have nothing to contribute because I lucked out in college and got a single dorm, but I support all your suffering

Keep telling stories

Not my roommate, but my friend has a pretty autistic roommate.
>be me, sitting in friends living room watching breaking bad
>roommate comes in, wants to make microwave chili
>empties entire can into cereal bowl, puts bowl in microwave
>tard throws out the can with microwave instructions into trash, then yells at us how long he is supposed to microwave chili.
>Tell him to look at the fuck instructions on the can
>he digs it out of the trash, cant figure it out, then just nukes his fucking chili for about 6 min
>microwave is done, tard reaches in and pulls out scalding hot bowl with bare hands, tard screeching commences.
>go back to watching breaking bad

>>714937276
yet you're the retard who suggested getting cans of whipped cream, rather than a box of whippets

>>714937276
You don't need balloons, you just depress the nozzle ever so slightly and only the nitrous oxide will come out. Make sure you don't shake the cans either, you don't want the cream and propellant to mix.

File: maxresdefault.jpg (27KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 1280x720px

three or four weeks into the term at this point

>come back from visiting the parents for a few days over the weekend
>the front door is unlocked
>the door swings open
>stench.jpg
>the whole fucking flat smells like sweat and rancid fucking meat
>find the autist in a bean bag chair in the fucking living room
>whereisthefuckingfloor.gif
>at least five pizza boxes around his corpulent altar
>sitting on the bean bag chair, on his phone
>"yo anon check this" as he shows me his phone
>pic of some 5/10 grill
>"uh..." is all I can mutter as I stare confused at this fucking photo
>"we've got a date on tuesday"
>try to contain my keks
>fuck off to my room for some peace

who wants to hear about his date

>>714937181
>this dude.
>been watching anime all day. hast even gone out to eat or shit in all day probably has one of those proteinballs.
>im with my friend talkin abpuit like and hoes
>autistic nigger leaves room
>holyshitjpg.
nigger is sticky, smelly and dirty.
>goes to bathroom for half an hour.
>god its 1945 germany all over again.
>smell comming from the bathroom
>nigger cloged tha fucking toilet
>whatthefuck.jpg
>tell him to clean shit up
>tells us to fuck off.
>autistic fuck didnt cleaned the toilet for days.
>friend ended up cleaning the shit.

>>714937833
didn't have any at the store, getting some delivered tho

>>714937933
Just fucking post the stories nigger

>>714937933
I want to hear about this date

>>714937933
Go on

>>714936533
>don't fuck my mug.

File: 1473308741997.jpg (152KB, 958x784px) Image search: [Google]

152KB, 958x784px

>>714937933
Go ahead anon
Also, checked

Pre-type this shit if you actually want to keep a thread going...

File: mt-0h6L8.jpg (55KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 512x512px

>tuesday
>the autist is getting all gussied up
>wears the same fucking thing he does every day except he actually applies deodorant
>knocks on my door
>"how do I look anon"
>give him a thumbs up because maybe getting a grill will improve his life
>"lookin good, tard"
>he goes on his date, no word for several hours
>2 AM. Get a frenzied text from the autist
>"fucking help anon I dont know where the fuck I am"
>call his dumb ass
>"she insisted that she drives, and we drove to this place in the middle of nowhere and now I dont know where I am"
>this nigger got cucked
>feel bad for him "okay... do you have any idea where you are"
>he tells me the closest mile marker
>this nigger drove four hours away with some random girl he met on tinder
>"you didnt fucking question why she was driving you to the middle of fucking no where"
>he starts babbling about how he thought he was gonna get laid.
>wake up two bro roomates
>they kek
>we pile into our roomies truck
>drive four hours to pick up this autist
>nigger cries the whole way home
>cant help but feel bad for him
>buy him mcdicks on the way back

I have one about his first SUCCESSFUL date

>>714935527
this is fucking hilarious OMFG if you loved that mug so much op why dont you keep it hid away in your room?

File: kekkles.jpg (272KB, 1300x957px) Image search: [Google]

272KB, 1300x957px

>be me
>military summer camp
>deaf cabinmate
>makes farting noises all night long
>entire cabin is tired and annoyed of him
>be me again
>listening to music
>see cabinmates surround kid
>lemme get this straight
>it was mostly mexican kids and shit
>massive fucking dicks for 13y/os
>deafkid hates dicks
>they whip out their schlong dongs
>surrounded.mpeg
>kid cries
>mfw

>>714939013
Aw.
:c

What a bitch. Who fucks with a mentally disabled person? That's fucked up.

>>714939535
>"So yeah, this deaf kid who keeps farting, what we gonna do about him ese?"
>"It's simple, we all stand around him and pull out are dicks. He'll never think to fart again."

What the fuck is this logic?

File: maxresdefault (1).jpg (127KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

127KB, 1920x1080px

time for this autist's first successful date

>come back to the flat
>tired as fuck from class
>the autist is in his usual perch
>"dude, check this" as he shows me his phone
>some 6/10 grill
>"I've got a date tonight"
>have to contain my keks as I remember his last fucking date
>warn him about that shit
>he shakes his head and says "nah dude shes in one of my classes"
>does this nigger even go to class
>nap for a few hours
>get rudely awoken by a fucking banging on the wall
>get up, groggy as fuck
>go out to our living room, see bro #1 was also roused by this commotion
>we both nearly shit ourselves when we see this autist ferociously making out with a girl on the couch
>this girl is 4/10 at best
>she sounds like a lawnmower trying to start while it's covered in silly putty
>this fucking things mating call is apparently doing it for the autist
>shoes get kicked off
>bro #1 and i retreat to my room, trying not to make any noise
>this nigger is about to get laid
>we sit in silence as we wait for the battle to end
>this bitch sounds like shes about to go into battle
>hear a smashing sound
>we go into the living room
>a fucking TV is on the ground. the wall mount is ripped out and our wall is in tatters
>mfw this bitched ripped a tv off the wall
>they havent fucking noticed us

>>714936533
wait....your mean to tell that guys getting laid?

>>714939547
Everybody on /b/

>>714939013
Any idea what happened to him on that trip? Like what did the girl do to him? Was it even a girl?

>>714939808
fucking kek

>>714940038
>>714939808
they were all really proud of their dicks it was weird

File: 1481179344965.png (58KB, 441x302px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 441x302px

bump for the autist keks

>>714935527
So the guy fucks your mug and you still want to keep the fucking thing? Man, rubbing alcohol or not that would end up in the garbage. I feel like you are as autistic as him to have such an attachement to such an un-important item.

>>714935527
Wait....why in the name of Satan's glorious crimson asshole did you keep the mug?

>>714940534
I hope the one thing you cherish most in life gets fucked like that mug
Nice quads tho

>>714940833
What quads? And also how is a Damn mug the thing you cherish the most in life? Did your parents die and give you this mug in their will?

File: hqdefault.jpg (21KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 480x360px

>he's still going at it with this bitch while he destroys bro #2's tv
>she starts fucking shrieking
>autist fucking sits up, confused
>shes grabbing at her back
>see blood
>shitnigger.jpg
>there is a fucking drywall screw sticking out of her back
>SHITNIGGER
>autist springs to action
>rips the fucking screw out
>she only screams harder
>bros get the keys to his truck
>we load up into the truck and drive to the fucking hospital
>two tetanus shots later

>>714939836
Post faster

>>714941201
i hope you're not OP because this is a fucking gay ass ending nigger

>>714941392
there's more nigger let me type

>>714941500
Type it before making a thread you fucking cuck

>>714941201
Post faster fag

>>714941500
keep going, this thread is gold.

>>714941500
I love this thread so much

>>714931111
>he demands
>you give in

And this is now the story of how OP sucked too much dick and suffered brain damage.

File: 1446956572302.gif (2MB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 320x240px

goddamn this is a quality thread

>mfw reading about anon's mug
>i know what it's like to be sentimental for a mug

>>714933222
checked

>>714931111
Check em

File: hqdefault (1).jpg (29KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 480x360px

Sorry for that abrupt ass ending bro #1 needed something

>this bitch gets two tetanus shots in her less than nice ass
>autist cannot form a rational word
>standing there, staring at the bleeding hole on her back
>mumbles out, "I'm sorry..."
>she gives him a smile and a nod
>for once, see happiness in the autists eyes
>genuinely happy for him
>we eventually pile into the truck and drive the girl back to her place
>autist tries to text her.
>fake. fucking. number.
>autist thinks it's just issues with his phone
>none of us have the heart to tell him

two weeks later, he sees the girl on campus, and she gives him a smile. More about this girl next

>>714941201
solid stories. this guy is depressing as fuck. You were likely a good influence on him though. maybe he has a chance in life?

File: tumblr_mv3235dwhs1s5takto2_1280.jpg (36KB, 490x480px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 490x480px

>>714931111
>>714933222
>>714935888
>>714938999

this thread is full of gets

>>714941201
Literally screwed

>>714942335
it took this fag 10 minutes to write this

>>714942335
Reading intently, this guy is worse than the sociopath that my friend currently has as a roommate, we all think he's gonna kill someone at some point.

>>714942625
story?

File: 1898226_1002572959781673_385069123792335683_n.jpg (15KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 400x400px

>>714942335
please, tell me there´s more stories about your retard roomie.

I demand more,OP.

>>714936533
This is too fucking weird to not be made up.
That, or you're the tard.
.. Seriously, though.. Could this happen in America?

File: bb10be2573811e2411a115c482c82ef29731af04de23f9faa007584344ea4c60.jpg (60KB, 600x400px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 600x400px

MEHR!!!

So, i have this aunt, basically my roommate, lives with me and my wife because my grandparents dumped her on me. I have seen some shit with this bitch. Anyone interested?

>>714943180
yeah

>>714943180
Yeah, please tell anon!

im going to post a story, of myself being the autistic roommate. story isnt gold but worth sharing.
>halloween weekend at my university
>have this girl and her friend over from my dorm floor to our little area where we are all partying drinking and whatever
>start making some shots in bp, pretty drunk at this point, the girl on my floor and her friend are very drunk too
>girl on my floors friend literally gets up and pulls me into my room
>im just like fuck it why not and let her bring me into there
im not super autist, but im an attractive looking guy so I can make do
>she climbs up to my lofted bed
>i follow right behind, and make it to the top. she already has pants off, hand on pussy rubbing that shit like crazy, waiting for me to go in
>mfw this girl is a total hoe, dont even know her name and barely spoke with her
tbc

File: s4 mini 132.jpg (72KB, 501x501px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 501x501px

>>714943180
Hell yeah

>>714942676
II'll preface this with some backstory. I'm currently living on campus with a friend I've known for a long time, Bro A. Our friend we've also known for a long time lives a short 2 minute walk away, Bro J. Once we got to college we met up with a guy we had occasionally talked to in high school but we only started hanging out with him this year, Bro E. He lives in an apartment with 4 other people one of which is an autist who, immediately upon meeting him all of us disliked. He took my wallet "jokingly" the first time we met.

File: 1480894843794s.jpg (7KB, 211x249px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 211x249px

>>714936533
>>dont fuck my mug
my sides are in outer space


and the captcha was about coffee kek

File: bitches.jpg (25KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 640x360px

two weeks later, after the autist sees the grill on campus.

>autist invites several women over for a bit of a party
>come back one night from library, hear loud ass shitty dubstep wub wubbing from the fucking stereo
>bare ass spot on the wall from where bro's tv used to hang
>group of people in the kitchen
>mostly neckbeard looking cucks and other people
>one or two girls
>hear autist laughing loud as shit
>booze everywhere
>these niggers are playing kings cup
>try to ignore the wubbing and sit in my room for a bit
>cant stand it after I hear guttural laughter from the kitchen. smell weed and booze.
>stomp out to the kitchen, about to rip autist a fresh new perky asshole
>weed isn't allowed in campus apartments
>unplug stereo before a fucking resident comes and rips our asses
>autist drunkenly screeches "the fuck anon?"
>push through group of people
>stop fucking dead
>these niggers were using my fucking mug as an ashtray
>contain tard rage
>"tard, what the fuck?" I shout over the people
>I dump the ashes out in the sink and wash out my mug
>tard starts laughing "Whats your problem bro?"
>this is advanced autism
>"fucking chill, tard." I say as I rinse out my mug and go to put it into the dishwasher
>time fucking slows

im typing as fast as I can you cucks

>>714939940
Take his money. Obviously.

>>714937992

Shoulda bashed his head against the toilet bowl REALLY hard and said it was an accident. I mean, it'd be awful to do cause your hands would never feel clean but atleast you'd be doing the world a favor.

>>714943416
This story especially makes you seem like the autistic person, not your room-mate.

>young people having fun
>smell weed
>weed not allowed
>using my SPECIAL MUG as ash tray
>special mug
>wtf

>>714943416
>cucks
I don't think you know what that word means

>>714943416
If you pull your fist out of your ass you can type even faster

>>714943274
continued
>we start fucking, til the crack of dawn
>eventually i need a breather, so i lay down, dick out and still hard
>she grabs dick and is about to put it in her pussy
>i stop and do that whole "wait wtf let me put on a condum" spiel
>shes like "are you sure?"
>fuck it just put it in.
>about another hour go by, its like 5 am no sleep for both of us
>literally just pass out from exhaustion, just laying there with this naked ass hoe right next to me in bed.
>sleeping for awhile, then this hoe all of a sudden gets up and puts her pussy over my body
>"please stop, im tired af and we fucked all night, i need a break"
>mfw this hoe just starts fucking pissing on my body, all over my bed
tbc

>>714943416
All I wanna know is if you ever get the balls to hit this retard

>>714943416
OH NO ANON, YOU WERE THE AUTISTIC ONE ALL ALONG.

>>714943416
if he's throwing parties there's no way he's an autist
more like you're the autist attached to a fucking mug

>>714943615
if he's in his dorm and it reeks of weed he can get arrested or kicked out even if it's not him smoking it

but what would you know you're not old enough for college

>>714933657
The stories are fine but STOP FUCKING MISSPELLING IN WITH ON
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

File: Chicken+tendies+_d66269ba77c64a718eb7f98bf5b3cec5.jpg (7KB, 250x200px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 250x200px

>>714943699
just you wait

>>714943782
It's WRYYYYYYYYYY you fucking newfag.

>>>/r/eddit

>>714943337
>Early Thursday
>autist texts Bro J and says he's coming over.
>"Uh...no I have class and a lot of stuff to do afterwards."
>whatdoesnomean.jpg
>"No I mean I'm on campus and I'm gonna go to your dorm right now and we're gonna hang out."
>Bro J texts back "I'm in class right now, you wouldn't be able to get in anyway."

>>714943774
Fuck you mug hater

>>714943180
I'll give one as example.
>come downstairs one morning, planning to make wife breakfast.
>see evidence of aunt having been inside kitchen (pots and pans fucking everywhere)
>look at windowsill above sink,
>weird brown goo in my favorite mug.
>Lose my fucking shit, scream at top of my lungs because I love this mug
>wife comes downstairs and looks at what remains of my precious mug.
>call aunt downstairs.
>aunt looks like she hasn't slept in months, probably another crack binge.
>this Cunt tried to make gravy in my mug
>she did this shit at like 6 am.
>my wife decides to make me pancakes and oatmeal (my fave breakfast)
>aunt had the fucking audacity to demand that my wife who is going to veterinary school make her pancakes and bacon.
>wife and I are vegetarian.
More?

>>714943692
continued
>mfw currently getting golden shower
>mfw dont know wtf is happening, push this bitch off of my body and tell her to leave.
>tell her to fuck off and go to my bathroom to wipe herself and her nasty ass down
>shes in bathroom, i had 4 roomates in this area that i lived in, so luckily none of the other 3 were home at the time
>i walk into bathroom and theres fucking piss everywhere
>wtf is wrong with this ratchet ass hoe, she is disgusting
>tell her to clean up her piss in BOTH the bathroom that me and my other three roommates share and my fucking bed sheets and bed
>she wont do shit
>just throw rolls of toilet paper to soak up piss in our now even more disgusting bathroom, it was gross already in the first place
tbc

>>714944057
>another mugfag
>vegetarian
>More?


Oh fuck off faggot nobody cares about you

>>714944057
Yes.

>>714943615
this tbh. op sounds like the fun police

>>714932025

Already raging, keep posting.

File: autist.jpg (59KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 1920x1080px

>>714944057
>>714943416
>but muh mug

File: 010116VIII.jpg (110KB, 480x298px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 480x298px

>>714939535
Fucking retarded-ass story. Congrats

>>714944329
he could get into some major shit for having weed and underage drinking in his apartment in school.
but you're NEET what do you know?

>>714932025
Wut

>>714944528
thanks for ripping off
>>714943776
but shittier

faggot.

>>714944528
i know op is the fun police and so are you, try having a little fun anon, it's not bad

>>714944100
continued, should be last little bit
>later on the girl leaves, toilet paper all over shitty bathroom covered in piss, and my roommates comeback
>"what in the fuck just happened here in this room, they are tweaking beause shit went down in our dorm area
here comes the autist part
>next week, super stressed from school, not handling it well, so hey why not take it out on roommates that i lived with
>go into disgusting bathroom and see piss toilet paper and general uncleanliness
>knock on roommates door and start yelling at them for not keeping bathroom clean
>they answer by saying "that was that girl's piss all over the bathroom, youre the one that has kept that bathroom dirty, get into huge verbal fight with roommates.
>biggest dickhead in the whole area of the 4 roommates of us
>fast forward a couple weeks and one roommate decides to clean the whole bathroom area, including the piss infested ttoilet paper and disgusting shit. he mops and bleaches and everything
>mfw i look back and realize how unable i am to socialize normally and cant talk to my roommates in a correct manner, also feel like a fucking idiot considering how i made most of the mess in there
>mfw i got golden showered by some i find out later 24 year old hoe who has a kid already

>>714944714
didn't read your posts because you look like a faggot

had to check those quads though

File: 667F54E8761265376527902814208_41a4e0073ee.1.1.jpg (12KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 200x200px

>autist slaps hand and my mug crashes to the floor
>no damage, but four and a half months of dealing with this autist's bullshit begins to boil inside my frontal lobe
>pick it up, and place it in the dishwasher
>tard is squaring up, like he wants to fight
>clearly fucking wasted off of his ass
>"you got a fucking problem, anon?"
>confused as to why this lanky cunt is trying to fight me
>confused as to what to do when someone wants to fight me
>bros emerge from their rooms, hearing the room go dead silent
>step back, trying to think through what I want to do
>drunk autist steps forward, reeking of plastic bottle vodka
>his fists are balled like tard clubs
>see bros getting visibly worried
>drunken neckbeards have all fled
>only me, the tard, and the bros
>tard pushes me once
>this lanky shit has several inches on me
>bros start to step in but he shoves them away
>"you've done.. nothing but fuck me over"
>mfw
>I'm just confused as to where this nigger is getting this idea
>bashes me with his tard bludgeons
>bros step in and attempt to restrain the autist
>his face goes red as he struggles to stand on two feet
>I just stand, watching this tall ass autist struggle to maintain balance
>bros cart him to his room and put him to bed.

then, we began to plot our revenge.

>>714933833

Your nightmare roommate sounds less an autist than just a plain-vanilla, selfish, lazy, shithead.

>>714943416
you are an idiot anon, for loving this mug so much, just let it go

>>714935170

That's what it sounds like. As if a Good Boy Point earner somehow got turned loose and still expects *everyone* and no just his parents to cater to his every whim.

>>714932906
MOAR

>>714939808
I cried from the k e k

>>714944204
Nigger just because you don't have a mug, doesn't mean you should judge us folks with mugs,
So another one,
>on my office computer playing league of legends.
>fuckingleagueofdraven
>I decide that i need to relieve my bladder.
>wife standing outside bathroom
>ask her what is going on
>aunt has been in he bathroom for 2 fucking hours.
>knock on the door,
>no response
>unlock bathroom door and barge in
>my house my rules
>this bitch was filling my bathtub with bleach and windex
>what the fuck?
> make her leave,
>her crack dealer boyfriend picks her up.
>two days later catch this nigger trying to break into my car.
>call the cops but no proof apparently.
>aunt called grandparents and demanded I let her live with me again.
>wife is getting pissed off
>my dad decides to actually step up and let her live with him to spare his only son
>aunt steals $6000 from dad.
Should I just call the cops on this whore?

Good thread.
Keks, anger, sadness, disbelief and disgust. It has it all

>>714944824
kek i would have told everybody at the party about him fucking the mug.

>>714939836
>she sounds like a lawnmower trying to start while it's covered in silly putty
Topkek

>>714945540
You probably deserve it for being such a vegetarian cuck.

>>714939013

Other than unironically using the phrase "gussied up", OP is not a fag. Keep this shit going.

>>714944824
keep it coming op. you have a distinctive writing style

>>714945540
Do it, she is a waste of a person and a useless member of society, ignore her cries when she goes to jail and begs you to allow her to live with you again
Also what rank are you in league fam

>>714945788
I'm vegetarian because it's cheaper. Also just kinda picked up the habit from wife

>>714945540
> screams at top of my lungs because of mug
>is vegetarian
this guy sounds like a literal cuck
>it's my wife's son

>>714945879
I don't play ranked, I kinda just dick around when I'm not working but my highest rank was gold 4

>>714946036
Wife and I have no kids. And this bitch nuked my mug in the microwave for 20 minutes for no reason other than that she is retarded

File: 1459480635036.jpg (15KB, 534x432px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 534x432px

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVkH_ac5dQ0

File: hagiyaki.jpg (70KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 600x600px

>>714942201

Me too.

I bought this beautiful Hagi-yaki mug when I visited the town. It later got smashed to pieces during a move years later and I had to hold back tears when I saw that. It just reminded me of a really good time in my life.

Kind of looked like pic related.

>>714944824
Are you kill?

File: 1c1d1592-04da-44be-9fe0-cae8f65f7298_1.1a7ee5a0fc21db6fd48a07028cf7dac5[1].jpg (163KB, 1500x1500px) Image search: [Google]

163KB, 1500x1500px

>>714946395
I, too, have held deep affection for a beverage-holding utility.

>>714944204
>mugfag
YO 4CHAN WE GOTTA MAKE THIS THE NEW THING. I SEE POTENTIAL.
FOR ALL POSTERITY AND POSTERIOR TO SAY IN THE FUTURE
>BUT MUH MUG
SIGNED,
MUGFAG

>>714946046
what's your main dude?
I'm currently trying to practice Lee and Fiora so I just can get out silver quickly

File: GloriousDistortedArchaeocete-mobile.jpg (8KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 480x360px

one week later.

>meeting with the bros while the autist is away
>bros are done with his shit
>I am done with his shit
>it is time for revenge
>each of us has something extremely specific in mind
>decide to combine all of them
>first, the ps4
>this nigger spends all of his time on this fucking thing, and commandeers the fucking living room to submerge himself in his autism
>first we remove all of the blinds in the living room
>all of the curtains are gone.
>the lightswitches are sync'd up to bro #2's phone
>phase 1 complete
>begin phase 2
>autist loooooves his ginger ale
>constantly fucking 2 litres all over the fucking place
>decide to fill up his ginger ale bottles with orange juice
>buy several litres of orange juice, and replace the ginger ale with the juice
>Phase 3
>buy an obscenely large container of cornstarch
>mix with water
>fill almost every cup with the vile mixture
>replace
>phase 3 complete

moar incoming

>>714946744
That's not how that works nigger

>>714944824
This autist sounds exactly like one of my "friends" who I am thankfully not a roomate with. Keep going, this thread is great

>>714944824
Jesus I want to bash your stupid little fucking bitch ass in. Fuck you're such a pussy, I swear...

>>714946956
Need moar NOW

>>714946701

It isn't the thing itself, it's what it makes you think of.

My wedding ring is just a little band of metal with no utility at all, not even the capacity to hold tasty drinks, but it reminds me of my wife and all the good times we've had together. I would be very upset if I were to lose it.

Are you really sentimental about nothing?

File: obama.jpg (17KB, 374x258px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 374x258px

>>714946956
20 minutes for that shit?

>>714947294
ikr

>>714945686
Ifkr

File: B9317735798Z.1_20150617163947_000_GS6B3MVAC.1-0[1].jpg (154KB, 1152x1536px) Image search: [Google]

154KB, 1152x1536px

>>714947222
?
you callin me a liar boy?

>>714943061
Only in America

>>714939535
Are u the autistic one in the story?
Faggot

File: YULE CHECK EM.jpg (4KB, 111x127px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 111x127px

bumping for more. fucking gold

>>714932906
are you kidding me? You let that bitch step all over you and poor piss into one of your glass. Not only that but you didn't cut off his shit at the first sight of him drinking your orange juice and him not saying any type of apology. This NEET faggot probably smashed your boy pussy every night while you cried.

>>714946956
Type faster my dude

>>714947742
Why the fuck did you save a thumbnail

File: smthng.png (373KB, 960x941px) Image search: [Google]

373KB, 960x941px

good stuff. bumpity bump.

File: Average nigger.jpg (15KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 480x360px

Bump

File: 1466416294069.jpg (26KB, 435x320px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 435x320px

bump

File: 1373962143589.jpg (23KB, 385x488px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 385x488px

bump

I thought my first roommate was bad but this holy shit

File: 1478665166768.png (104KB, 866x743px) Image search: [Google]

104KB, 866x743px

>>714947998
Bump!

File: image.jpg (20KB, 450x300px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 450x300px

>>714945540

High-five, fellow mug-bro.

More Hagi-yaki.

>>714947938
to fuck with anal clucks

File: 1472932000874.jpg (13KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 480x360px

Dont let this die bump!!

eagerly awaiting OP's next post

Bumping and screen capping. This is so good

File: 1481379444142.png (280KB, 618x412px) Image search: [Google]

280KB, 618x412px

BUMP

File: Batman_Two_Face_3.jpg (198KB, 1000x823px) Image search: [Google]

198KB, 1000x823px

>>714942201
I may seem autistic for this, but I do too. I've had this mug forever.

what did we learn today, op? pre-write your shit.

I'd like to see what happens

File: Dank+memes+bro+_3947bb2aaa469591a39175c8ba2caa41.png (61KB, 300x169px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 300x169px

>Autist comes home
>ready for action
>all blinds and curtains removed
>the bros and I are in our rooms, minding our own business
>hear the telltale wail of the autist as he cannot close the curtains to shield himself from the burning light of day.
>after returning to his own room, he waits for the tormenting rays of the sun to disappear from the skies
>he emerges
>begins to game in peace
>quietly scoot over to bro's room
>phase 2 begins
>he begins to fuck with the lights, flipping them on, taking the tard's cries of pain as a sign for them working
>every two minutes or so, he flips the lights back on.
>hear tard stomping to the light switch followed by cries of "what the fUCK"
>eventually, we hear the fridge open
>itstime.jpg
>tard sees the orange juice, screams "ANON."
>pounds on my door
>continues to pound for nearly twenty minutes
>goes back to his game eventually.
>emerge from bro's room, go to kitchen
>"anon, what the FUCK WAS THAT"
>he's shaking the orange juice at me
>steps up, stomps to kitchen, huffing all the way
>calmly retrieve a didi from the cabinet
>"do you need a glass?"
>wehaveunleashedthebeast.gif
>tard roar
>ANON WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL
>I try to remain calm
>bro is sitting in the corner, trying not to laugh too loud
>tard bludgeons form
>he full on swings at me, catching me in the side of the head
>shitnigger.gif
>go down
>stand back up again, as bro steps forward
>punch the tard in the tendies
moar inc

>>714948546
bump

File: 1481447435611.jpg (49KB, 800x596px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 800x596px

>>714944824
>Letting some scrawny faggot make you his bitch

File: robble-robble-meme-generator-once-i-reach-page-15-i-s-get-cheese-burgers-42b12f.jpg (58KB, 337x510px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 337x510px

need to find out how revenge goes.

>>714942201
Honestly I have a very special mug as well, I purchased it during a study abroad and its truly irreplaceable. It also looks tight as fuck. I'd be furious if some sperg was fucking with my mug, especially after I told him not to.

I pity the people in this thread without nice mugs.

File: image.jpg (143KB, 600x400px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 600x400px

>>714948484

Goddamn, we got a lot of mugbros up in this thread.

Someone screen cap when done

File: 1477448921353.jpg (12KB, 474x473px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 474x473px

>>714948838
>mugbros
What is this cancer?

My mug doesn't look very special, but it's mine. You don't mess with a man's mug.

>>714948790

>fucking with my mug

Quite literally, in OP's case.

>>714948976
Fuck off.

>>714939013
do tell anon

File: s-l1000.jpg (72KB, 1000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 1000x1000px

I have one of those. Not as original as yall's but i love it and had it for a while. Well worth the "hurr, durr, hipsturr" comments!

>>714932906
Anon both are autist give up nigger

File: cj610WM.jpg (27KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 500x500px

I don't have a mug like you bros but I do have this jar I'm very attached to it's the same as pic related except just plain with no pattern, I drink all my drinks from it and it's been with me for over a decade now