Austism Stores: >Never been to a Subway before >Decide

Fuck that really happened?

Cool pasta bro

>>714444444

>be not autistic
>go to subway and order a steak & cheese like 99% of people do at subway
>act kind and smile when they ask something
>say thanks and start eating my sandwich at a nearby table
>leave

>>714444274
Yep, just kill me

>>714444676
Pasta? It's Subway!

>>714443976
>goes into subway twice a week
>buy 6-9 cookies everytime
>don't even bother with their shit sandwiches anymore
>it feels so good

>>714443976
As someone who also struggles with anxiety, I feel for you OP. But why didn't you move your car so you weren't being watched as you ate?

>>714443976
I once misspoke and asked for a six foot.
Sandwich maker girl laughed at me.

>>714443976
It must suck to be a fucking sweaty nerd who likes guacamole on meatball sub

>>714446151
>A 6 foot sandwich

Top Kek. Btw if you were ugly and fat and a loser, she would most likely have laughed at you, so guess you're ok.

>>714443976
Kek

Are you sure you're not just tarded?

>>714446382
I'm not a nerd though. I actuall go to the gym and go out drinking with the dudes.

>>714443976
I spent the [past half an hour making 151 unique ylyl bananas.

>>714446507
Doesn't change the fact you're a sweaty nerd.

>>714443976

Good lord OP you're the reason you can pre-order taco bell on the phone you gargantuan faggot

problem is that you people think way to much. visit a doc/psychologist

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>>714443976
fuckin gold OP got a kek out of me

as a former Sandwich Artist, OP you are a fag and the kind of customer I always despised. Just tell me what the fuck you want. The list of bread is right in front of your fucking face on the glass where you start ordering. The meat and veggie options are all right there in front of you, and all the prices are on the goddam menu. It's not hard.

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>>714446553

>>714446507
>goes out drinking with the dudes
>cant order a sandwich

do your butt buddies order for you?

>>714447760

how about you get a real job and stop complaining you faggot

>>714446507

So you're the comic relief in that group then?

And by that I mean they're all laughing at you.

>>714448198
rubbing your mom's feet for your pocket money is not a real job dude

>be normal
>Got at local fast food joint
>They're having wood loaded in storage under the oven so I can't have my pizza until the delivery guys are done with it
>chit chat with the owner
>the guys finish with the wood
>tell the pizza guy what pizza I want
>sit down
>browse phone while waiting
>get pizza
>eat
>pay, wave everyone goodbye and leave

Jesus christ OP it's not so hard.

>>714448285
Neither it's making sandwiches

>>714446930
Would a nerd get laid every 2weeks on average?

>>714449015
assuming its with another fat sweaty nerd, yes

>>714447760
Yes but the way you guys look at me and the queue behind me makes me feel uneasy and nervous.

>>714447934
I order for myself, heck even sometimes girls buy me the drink.

>>714443976

I can one-up that. I ordered 1000 business cards online stating that I'm a mute to give out to cashiers and other salesmen. Life has gotten a whole lot easier that I only have to point to things. Obviously not a mute though.

>>714449015
You're fucking retarded posting this autistic shit and backing up when people call you one.

>>714448201
Uhm no. I'm perhaps the 2nd funniest guy in the group, and there's 5 of us.

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>>714447760

>sandwich artist

Talk about autistic.

>>714443976
Guac and avacodo are the same fucking thing. She was just an idiot. Probably why she makes sandwiches instead of working in a STEM field.

>>714449163
Nope, with girls who are at a minumimum 7/10.

>>714449527
>Says the basement dwelling college droupout NEET

>>714443976
That hurt to read anon. I'm sorry.

>>714449700
>NEET
just kys

>>714449527
Guac and avocado are not the same thing. Guacs main ingredient is avocado, but that doesn't mean that they are the same thing.

>>714449318
Holy fuck anon

>>714449987
True, it's like saying ketchup and tomato is the same thing!

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>>714449015
>>714449565
>would an autistic nerd feel the need to prove something about themselves that no one cares about over an anonymous image board
...i'll let you figure this one out on your own...

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>>714447760
Fucking sandwich "artist" whose the autist here.

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>>714449318
that's not autistic
that's fucking brilliant!

>>714448691

oh shit we have badass over here

>>714450268
>That gif and filename

Fucking kek

>>714446151
I once asked for "soup of the day" at Starbucks. The barista laughed and said "You mean coffee?"

I told the bitch to shut the fuck up and hand me my drink, which I then threw back in her face.

I'm not allowed back in there for some reason.

>be me
>end of the story

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>>714450565
it's all yours friend
i suggest you change the filename based on the point you are trying to get across

>>714451078
Your life sounds shit.

>>714451193

yes

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>>714451078

> be me 17
> walk into Subway with friends
> Have a hankerin for balls of meat
> walk up to sandich wench
> Ask for a football meatlong
> woman says "excuse me?"
> I get louder "I said a football meatlong!"
> everyone is staring and friends are laughing
> cashier looks at me funny
> I correct myself and say "footlong meatball ugh"
> my friends call me Mr. Meatlong to this day

>>714452078
Hey Mr. Meatlong

>>714452078
How's it going Mr. Meatlong

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>>714452078
Mr. Meatlong

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>>714452078
now so will I for all time mr. meatlong

>>714449565

OP, you are trying way too hard.

Whatever helps you sleep at night mate.

>>714443976
You need to do something about that anxiety mate. I have been there, but havent been so anxious before

>>714452078
> Be me
> Walk into subway
> Be scandinavian fag
> no subway
> end

> Be me 19
> Go to Toys R Us
> The fear of being stared at makes me walk weird
> Start walking like I'm a 70's pimp
> End up by the bike section
> employee comes up and asks me if I need some help
> Ask if they have any motorized bikes
> They say to check a motorcycle dealership
> I tell them "no i mean the kind that's motorized
> they end up getting the manager
> I ask them again and he says no
> I pimp walk to the toy section
> employees were told not to talk to me as I'm weird
> I pick up a couple of MLP toys and start reenacting an episode of Seinfeld
> security walks up to me and asks me if I'm ok
> Spaghetti starts falling out of my pocket
> I'm sweating gravy at this point
> I ask the guard if he wants to pet my pony in the bathroom
> Security asks me to leave
> I pimp walk away to the game area to look to see if they have any MLP games
> Cops show up at this point and comes up to me
> I tell them that my guardian is outside
> Cop thinks I'm retarded
> I sprint to the door but, not before I trip over a kid

>>714445361
>be you
>don't bother posting next time

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>>714443976
The Fuck Is Wrong With You

>>714445383
Made me giggle but you managed it bro.

>>714454277
More stories like these and OP. I fucking love them.
>>714446507
>>714449015
>>714449272
>>714449355
>>714449565
Not ones like these, I want true stories.

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>Get toenail clipper. Start cutting off the thick skin on the bottom of my feet in small strips.
>Put the strips in a cup and eat some of them
>Next day at school
>Cute girl at lunch table hanging out with group of friends
>Turn to her and say "Guess what I did last night? I cut off the skin on the bottom of my feet and ate it"
>Later that year somehow find her on AOL instant messenger
>We talk and seem to be getting along
>Then she says "You creep me out I swear you're like staring at me whenever we're at lunch together
>Cannot recover from how awkward that conversation is becoming, end it immediately


Other story

>Be hanging out with girl
>Shes gay
>Hang out with her more
>Get a crush on her
>One day send this dramatic text saying "Oh my god i'm crying so hard I can't believe I have to tell you this"
>"I have a crush on you and I know this will just make things awkward because you're gay"
>Then I get a video of Goku going super saiyan 3 where he yells for 5 minutes
>Link her the video and say "This is the pain in my heart I feel right now"
>She says "Oh my god" and convo gets really awkward from there
>Stop hearing from her for a few days. Get really mad about it
>Send her a text blowing up on her saying FUCK YOU etc etc and I finally say not to call my number again because i'm going to destroy my phone and then I rip my phone up

Kreygasm

>>714452613
>2016
saving your screencaps as jpgs

fucking retard

> girl at school is a fucking weird freak
> thinks I'm her friend
> she hugs me everyday
> Thank god I hang out with jocks and normies
> she gets made fun of everyday
> one day she isn't at school
> hear security was checking lockers the other day
> they find a piece of paper in her locker
> paper had names of everyone who made fun of her
> thank the sherpas I wasn't on her list
> freak got expelled and I don't get mah hugs

point is - Don't make fun of the freaks in school or you'll end up on a list.

>>714443976
>be a real autist
>order my overly detailed sandwich
>always pay with the exact amount of cash needed
The main pro of autism is that you don't understand whether people really mean it when they are saying "good day". So I assume they do.

>>714450268
Kek'd

>>714456881
>using twitch emotes like they're memes
Just use kreygasm as your thumbnail retard

>>714452078
>sandwich wench
This is the kind of poster that /b/ needs.

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>>714452613
>mfw all three of those posts were me, KEK

>>714449378
topkek

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>>714459424
tfw i have no face

>eating in your car outside the store where the employees can see you
THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOUR ANTISOCIAL ASS HA HA HA

> Be me 14
> Hate gym...gym is for niggers
> Forced to get undressed with a bunch of dudes huddles together sucking eachothers schlong dongs
> DOn't know where to look when undressing
> peek at the dude next to me
> Big nig johnsons everywhere
> mfw I saw my first nigger dick
> mfw i learned I was gay
> mfw I hate nigger dicks
> mfw I sucked his dick
> mfw I walked into a literal porno
> mfw I was really 35 and I was in a pre-school
> mfw I got arrested

>>714443976
I'm too social anxiety to even Subway... I'm frequently asked to speak louder and constantly look around and feel like I'm having a panic attack.
>>714446151
Have done this as well.

→be me
→walk into subway
→buy ticket
→get on train
→get off train at my destination
→leave

>>714443976
>The sub wasn't that good either

Because you put avocado on a meatball ya dingus. Meatball subs, you just get what you like on pizza. Done.

>>714449527
>Guac and avacodo are the same fucking thing

Things white people say. The post.

>>714462375
why isn't this green

>>714443976
Subway worker here.

Don't sweat it anon, most people are like that. I'm sure 15 minutes later there was another strange encounter. We see people at their worst

>>714447760
nah, night shift when living in a city is the worst. drunk cunts who think they're funny piss me off

did get sucked off by a girl for a free cookie once, freshmen here are easy

>>714463185
I'm new and don't know how.

>>714446553
Dump please

>>714461387
top kek

>>714463296
[green] fkn newfag [/green]

>>714463256
>Freshmen here are easy

Is that why you've only had your dick sucked just by the one girl? KEK

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>>714463484

>>714443976
enough subway posting please

>>714464167
> please
> enough subway

There isn't enough subway posting

>>714443976
>go to Publix
>want some of that capicola ham
>walk up and this guy behind the counter immediately greets me and asks if he can help
>taken aback and don't know what's going on
>point to the capicola in the case and ask for a half pound of that
>he goes ahead and asks me "how thick I'd like it"
>wat
>uhh, regular?
>he slices off a piece and gives it to me
>asks if that's a 'good thickness'
>eyeball it and say yes
>trying to hand it back but he tells me no, just to eat it
>he confirms i want a half pound and finishes up and bags it
>tells me to have a great day
>have to remind him I got an extra slice and to add it to the price
>he laughs and says it's on the house

So did he want to fuck me or what? Should I be afraid? I didn't catch his nametag. Maybe I should call next time before I go and make sure he isn't working. I'm not gay or anything.

Man, I had some shitheel ask if we did senior discounts. Said no, he asked a few more questions and I explained it to him. I leave. He wanders around the store muttering about what a smartarse I am, asks for my name and lodges an official complaint. The other customers let the owner know the guy was a dickhead.

>>714463369
https://mega.nz/#F!7FFFnSxa!CaUg1CGihlfCtVNkhbyzEQ

>>714464854
wew lad

>>714464751
>walk up and this guy behind the counter immediately greets me and asks if he can help
>taken aback and don't know what's going on

Fucking kek, autism right there.

>>714465023
kek

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I got a story for y'all

>be me
>be autist
>be working at restaurant
>just closing up, place is dead silent
>in my own little world in my head
>thinking about internet, and my recent interactions on it
>walking out of kitchen into dining area
>(when doing this, or going into kitchen, you're supposed to shout "corner!" to avoid accidents)
>approach "corner" door
>still half-lost in autism thoughts
>let out a loud "TROLL!" before walking through door
>mfw

>>714465270
Me and some other cooks would just yell CORN! Messes with the servers a bit.

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>>714465023
Appreciate it, anon.

>>714465446
heh, reminds me that one of the staff there shouted something other than corner... can't recall what it was though

Be me
Leaves thread

> Be me 23
> walk into the local Piggly Wiggly
> Try to find sassages for dinner
> go to the meat section
> girl is standing where I need to be
> I say excuse me and she moves over a little
> I pick up a package of ground meat
> look at girl and ask her if she wants to touch me meat
> She looks at me with disgust'
> I quickly grab what I came in for and walk out
> forgot to pay
> go home and eat sausages raw

>>714464751
>trying to hand it back

you fucking madman, that's golden

>>714464751
No, he's just being polite Autist. Sounds like a good salesman

>>714463252
am glad to hear that as social anxiety Subway guy... pretty sure it won't help me with future orders, though

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>>714466194
I can just imagine him holding a slice of meat and trying to hand it back to the server

>>714457466
how even would you know you weren't on the list?

>>714467673
Cuz I didn't make fun of her, faggot. Everyone know if you're nice to the crazies then you're not on the list.

>>714443976
>be a couple of years ago
>be renting room somewhere
>be coming back from a friend's during evening
>daughter of the owner of the house is chilling in the kitchen with her bf and her hot 10/10 friend
>don't like said daughter because total psychowhore who's done me so much wrong
>she asks me to chill with them
>fuckno.png
>bf asks me to drink wine with them
>nope.avi
>hot 10/10 goes(with a sweet voice)
Aww come on anon, come drink with us, we got plenty of wine
>...
>alright shitballs
>sit at table, keep to myself most of the time cause I don't wanna be here
>psychowhore hates me, bf thinks i'm chill, 10/10 already choke hugged from fixing some minor stupid shit on her iPhone but i'm pretty convinced she conceal pretty well her dislike for me because
She's friend with psychowhore
>i dunno wtf happened but all of a sudden 10/10 gets up from her chair comes sit on my crotch facing me
>she lifts her shirt and don't really remember what she told me
>stare awkwardly at her perfect tits in her black bra with what seemed like a dead silence
>3 long seconds passes and i just end up shoving my nose in her crack while doing a facial "no" motion whilst laughing awkwardly
>she instantly stood up and sat back at her chair seeming pissed at me

I did have another way worse awkward moment with same chick, could REALLY have banged her but spaghetti'd so hard

Funny thing is i'm not even attractive

>>714453546
then who was subway?!

>>714468345
Subway was you the whole time. You just had to read it to realize it. Subway is all of us.

>>714464751
How you going to call ahead and see if he's working if you didn't catch his nametag?
>the guy who tries to hit on you with free samples

>>714468681
deep, man

>>714449700
>literally me
N-NEET uprising when?

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>>714468681
that's a funny way to say you're a pedo

>>714468159
damn... reminds me of my first encounter with my ex

will return and greentext if interested in all the spaghetti

If anyone wants to see true weaboo autism, just go to any anime streaming site and read the comments. They remind me of the weaboo retards I went to school with.

>>714449378
>>714450275
you realise that's literally what the job is called right?

Don't eat at subway. I worked there for two years. Quit last week because of the pay and the fact it was fucking disgusting, Because they are constantly baking bread all subways are fucking mold traps. Seriously, next time you are in one take a close look at stuff like the ice chute on the soda machine and the back counters.

>>714470184
pls tell us anon

>>714464751
I had something like that before. A small business gave me some shit for free since I forgot some money at home. Too used to shopping at big chains where that is unheard of. Felt really guilty about it and tried to pay it back the next morning, but they insisted it was on the house.

Nice people

>>714470219
You're an autist of the highest caliber.

>>714443976

OP is a cardio man.

>>714463484
Try this

>Employees capable of seeing me from counter
kek

>>714443976

I have one, OP:

>Oldfag here
>Be 1996
>Be at Compucentre
>Buying flight sim
>Saved for weeks
>Grab box from shelf
>Slap it down at cash register
>Compufag scans it
>$40.95, pls
>Proceed to dump change on counter
>Couple of $10s, a $5, tons of coin
>Compufag digging through it
>Takes forever
>Notice pube in pile
>Sweating, hoping he doesn't notice
>Taking coins all around it
>$36, $37, $38
>Coin barricade diminishing
>Pube severely exposed
>He brushes it aside as he counts
>WTF, he just moved my pube
>Still counting, moves it again
>Holy shit, dis nigga means business
>OK, that's good Anon
>I scoop up remaining coin
>Compufag gives me my receipt
>Walking out of store
>Look back as I leave
>"Keep the pube"

> Be me
> Have gf who was autistic backwoods country kin
> Didn't know what air quotes meant
> pronounced chimichangas "chimichayngas
> Didn't get any type of joke
> Fingered her cuz she was crying bout her dead grandma and brother
> Bad at consoling anyone
> fucked her while she cried to shut her up

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>>714468681
>Subway is all of us

All of me keks and wuts

>>714471072
Not too shabby

>>714469927
Kek, nice one

>>714445361
i order a roastbeef with every vegtible on it

I got one

>tried to go to church couple weeks ago to be around people
>sitting on corner of pew, no one to the other side of me until almost the other side of the pew
>girl looking around my age comes up and says excuse me
>move to the side and pull my legs closer to the pew trying to let her pass
>she wanted me to step out so she could get through
>"No uhmm.. it's ok"
>awkardly sit next to each other the entire service
>closest person on bench besides us is at least 10 ft away
>turned to her to try and apologize but just ended up opening my mouth to talk and then facing forward again

>>714471072
Nobody cares that you're an oldfag you loser, kys. Not even gunna read your irrelevant green txt

>>714468345
The mom. All that happened was a phone call and she said "my dad is dead", that doesn't mean the mother is dead

>>714468159
Oh god please tell us about the more awkward moment, don't leave us hanging.

>>714471366
>vegtible

Kek

>>714470370
Alright, here goes

>be me, 16
>be, well, you know my caliber... am also restaraunt anon
>be living at mom's
>she rents out downstairs
>qt 3.14 girl (lets call her Anna) and her mom move in
>eventually, Anna begins to hang out in my room with me and play vidya
>things stay like this for a while, just talking and playing games
>one day, suddenly, Anna tackles me to the bed
>instantly, I lose all power to my brain
>she proceeds to dry-hump me for at least 2 minutes
>I do absolutely nothing other than lay there and nervously laugh the entire time
>Anna gets called away to go pick up stuff at their old place

I had a very awkward text conversation with her after this apologising for being so socially inept.

>>714463296
Lurk moar newfriend

>>714471584
Well, gimme sometime to greentxt

I won't go in too much details tho

>>714471809
Did you build a snowman afterwards?

>>714471809
holy shit dude

>>714471072

Here's another:

>2003
>be socially retarded stoner
>be security guard
>get new supervisor
>cool as fuck
>drives me home one day
>roll this up, anon
>big bag of weed
>so spaghetti I forget how to roll
>make huge mess
>we smoke messy joint
>high as fuck, more spaghetti
>he talks, I stutter meaningless shit
>really turning him off
>out front of my house
>I get out of car
>sticks fist out at me, "later bro"
>OHH FUUCK
>do I fist bump or grab his fingers or do that other thing
>try all 3
>slapping and grabbing his hand
>muuhhh ooops hueeeeuughh... wat
>staring at him
>he drives away
>quit job so don't have to see him again

Thanks for making me re-live it, OP... faggot.

>>714471526

>I don't remember 1996, because I was 2

>in Texas amidst 100 degree humid weather
>walking along a trail with one side surrounded by woods and the other facing a school
>see fat old man slowly riding towards me on his powerchair
>almost cry, knowing what will happen next is inevitable
>as he passes by me, he says "howdy" in a somewhat contrived way, obviously because he can sense my autism and he is ashamed to be breathing the same air as me
>respond with "Yup"
>literally start tearing up out of embarrassment and shame
>return home feeling dejected
>use that trail again to walk to the store because I can't drive nor do I have a car
>see old man again
>shit pants and walk into the shallow, wooded area that a cat could barely hide in
>have my back turned to the trail, staring at a tree
>hear the powerchair approach and cover my face, hoping it will all just go away
>wait a minute and then walk out of the woods and stare at him slowly trudging along the trail
>he looks back at me and sees me standing in the middle of the trail staring at him
>walk back into the woods for 10 minutes and go home

>be me in high school
>outside in court yard for lunch, bell rings
>everyone in the court yard is entering the building via double doors
>everyone is squishing through one side of the double doors and its taking forever
>fuckthis.jpg
>walk up to the other side of the door no one is using and grab handle
>get everyones attention and say "look everyone, another door" in sarcastic tone
>pull door
>it's locked
>everyone was piling through other door because it was fucking locked

>>714471523
I feel you, man

>>714471809
Youuuu Fuck!

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>>714472016
>quit job so don't have to see him again

Holy fucking kek, this is some new levels of autism we are entering

>>714472324

Trying to be alpha >get everyones attention and say "look everyone, another door" in sarcastic tone

Is a fucking cringy autist >it's locked

>>714463296
Dude just use this symbol before writing >
Just saving you some time because I know these fags won't help you

>>714472016

More:

>2004
>homeless again
>living with GF's parents temporarily
>alone in house after work
>her dad comes home
>"anybody home?"
>don't answer due to it being social interaction
>"anons? homeless anon?"
>don't answer
>spend 10 minutes working up courage to show face
>decide to talk to him
>go downstairs, quiet-like
>walk into living room
>he is masturbating to ggw commercial
>we lock eyes
>I run back upstairs
>next day he gives my gf pamphlet to homeless shelter

>>714472286
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has awkwardly tried and failed to hide rom people.

Was a busboy in a restaurant back in the day

>best friend of 6 years was a Mexican
>we'd talk shit cause that's what we do
>he'd call me gringo and shit
>taught me 'punta' n other word
>day one at new job Mexican cook says "hey gringo come here"
>brain fails
>'fuck off punta wetback. Sacco la leche"
>walk away and realize what I said
>shift ends
>go out into the parking lot
>five Mexican cooks waiting for me
>proceed to get my ass kicked


>few months later
>9/10 waitress who I've stuttered hello to a couple of times
>I'm getting off and she says "hey anon"
>do a 360 seeing if anyone else nearby has my same name
>nope
>instantly start sweating buckets
>'y-yes?'
>'hey are you getting off work'
>mumble an affirmative while staring at the floor in front of her
>'oh could you put some change in a parking meter for me? My shift is longer than I thought and I don't want to get a ticket'
>'s-shure uh huh yeah ok'
>'ok thanks you're the best' perfect smile
>start sweating more
>'give me a second anon let me get some coins for you real quick'
>'no it's fine don't worry about anything for a pretty girl'
>gives me disgusted look
>'nah I'll be right back'
>she turns around to go get some coins
>I panick
>get handled another interaction
>as soon as she turns around I literally starting sprinting out of the place
>got a big coat on so it flows behind me like a cape while I sprint like someone who's never played a sport in his life
>about to make it to the exit when cook from first story comes around the corner holding a bucket of pizza sauce
>it's too late for me
>smash right into him
>he stay standing while I land on my ass followed my a bucket full of sauce.
>look up
>all the waitresses staring at me openly laughing
>manager comes over and chews my ass out for wasting food and running in the kitchen
>never show up again
>hope that bitch got a fucking parking ticket

Maybe not pure autism but definitely made me think about drinking that bleach

>be working in fast food burger joint
>drive through only
>customer orders burger that comes with cheese sauce but requests it with no cheese sauce
>put cheese sauce on it based on muscle memory
>co workers see me and tell me just to remake it
>customer in drive through waiting
>remake the burger and make the exact same mistake again, added cheese sauce
>decide to send it out to the customer anyway hope no one saw me mess it up
>wrap it up send it out
>"anon you didnt put cheese sauce on that did you"
> say "Nope i did it right"
>customer comes back and complains about cheese sauce on burger 5 minutes later
>fml

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> Be autistic
> Shit pants every day
> Use toilet paper as a way to clog my asshole from spewing shit
> Decrease amount of shit streaks in underwear
> Get a gf
> we start making out
> she pulls pants down and toilet paper falls out
> ohshitbatman.jpg
> she asks me why it was there
> Tell her it's nothing
> she picks it up with shit all over it
> break down and tell her what it's for
> she stands up and gets dressed and walks out
> mrw she didn't break up with me

>>714463707
Ded

>>714472991
ggw?

>>714473062
KEK

>>714473062
You actually thought about killing yourself over this?

>>714473395

https://lmgtfy.com/?q=ggw

>>714472991
How have you not killed yourself yet man?

>>714471584
>be me, probably 2-3 years after former story
>i moved away and somehow moved back to this place cause really great friend with psychowhore daughter's mom who owns the place
>funnily enough, same initial situation
>be coming back from a friend's
>both psychowhore's bf and 10/10 friend are chilling at the table
>psychowhore isn't there cause she was working abroad
for convenience sake i'll just refer to psychowhore bf as "Y" and 10/10 as "G"
>Y asks me to come drink with them
>fuckthat.png
>G goes "aww come on anon ;)"
>ughhh
>just sit there, they serve me wine
>try to get me in the mood and shit
>not feeling it cause i hate being pressured to do things I don't want
>G goes to Psychowhore's Mac and put seize the day by A7X
>probably because she knew i was into metal but little did she know i despised A7X and couldn't stand their music
>signs the whole song whilst being really into it and singing near my face while looking in my eyes
>i just feel awkward
>replay the goddamn song still singing and and closely staring at me
>after song is done, G asks Y to pick up camera and take pictures of us
>ufookinwut.png
>doing sensual poses while being glued to me
>there was even one pose her cheek was literally on mine and her lips next to mine
Didn't do jack shit about it

Oh yeah, forgot to mention she's 3 years older than me
>all of a sudden goes "HEY! Let's play some music
>put some club dance music or wtv
>starts dancing near me with her ass facing me
>turns around and goes
Hey anon, come dance with me! :D
>nah
Aww come one
>no
>she takes both of my hands and energetically lifts me up and starting dancing real close to me

>>714473726
I was like 16 at the time. But then again in all fairness I can't remember going 48 hrs without thinking about killing myself so that was nothing differnet

>>714473121
Probably cuz she'd also struggle to find another relationship, KEK.

>>714473822
Cont.

>suddenly turns around and start grinding her godlike ass on my dick for a split second when i just back off and look at Y saying
Man i really don't know how to dance
>i knew how, she just made me feel uneasy for so many reasons
>Y starts telling me shits and G just go back sitting on her chair crossing her arms looking fucking pissed off
>G goes "call me a taxi"
>Y goes "why? What's the matter?"
>G goes "i'm tired, i wanna go home"
She wasn't looking tired, hell i forgot to mention she did cocaine in front of me telling me that if i told anyone she'd kick my ass... Plus she drank and seemed still full of energy
>Y goes "well you can sleep with me in psychowhore's bed"
>she agreed
>psychowhore found out and flipped her shit on Y
>when she came back, first thing she did was washing her whole bedsheets and everything

Honestly i lol'd at the end part

>>714473767
Did you just have access to my fucking browser?!

>>714473822
But but why didn't you just insert that penis into her? Feel like you wouldn't have had to do more than whip it out

>>714473776

Because I hit rock bottom (sleeping on the streets for 3 years) and got my shit together around 2008. Got better and better jobs, saved money, worked out, etc.

I now have a good job as well as side business, own a nice ocean front house, have good hobbies and a cute GF who's 10 years my junior. Life's good.

>>714471950
>>714472001
>>714472352
I honestly just could not comprehend the situation, and had no idea what to do other than giggle nervously.... one of the most embarrassing things I've ever experienced.

>>714443976
Not as bad as you OP, but back in high school a friend and I went to subway for my first time, the cute cashier asked me what kind of cheese I wanted like 3 times and I just kept saying yes. My friend still makes fun of me to this day almost 10 years later.

>>714474127
>Good job
Office job

>Side business
Selling weed

>Nice ocean front house
Apartment over looking a pond

>Good hobbies
Video games and binge watching shows

>Cute GF
Average 5/10 girl

>10 years my junior
Is underage and has Daddy issues

>Life's good
Life is pretty shit but good in comparison to the earlier days

> Be me at bar
> Bar turns into night club mode after 12
> Sitting in booth watching white people try to dance
> A girl asks me if I want to dance and I say no
> A little while later girl is still dancing but, she's bent over
> get up and try to grind on her
> mfw she stand straight up and tells me to go fuck myself
> mfw I drank 4 bottles of wine and ate a 3 course meal and my bill was over $400
> I walk outside to smoke
> Guards tell me I can't go back in
> Say they're not letting anyone in
> mfw the gaurds fucked up and let me walk on that much of a bill
> mfw I got rejected but, it wasn't in vain.

>>714474360
Oh so you are autistic? No stress man thats why we have threads like this

>>714443976
Not nearly as bad as an off-color joke I made one time to a Wal Mart cashier...

>be me
>checking out
>total is 19.98
>"1998, huh? Well that's the year my girlfriend was born!"
>this was in 2006
>cashier is not amused

>>714446404
Fucking funny

>>714474127

Some things I learned:

If a group conversations evolves onto a topic you're unfamiliar with / uninterested in, just leave. Like, immediately.

For small talk, go on offensive. Ask people questions before they ask you, and follow up their answer with another question.

Use someone's name when you talk to them. It makes them feel a little bit controlled.

Work out a lot. Get fit.

Work hard, and have little patience for distraction at work.

I swear, people think you're alpha even though it's all BS.

>>714473062
that's not too bad

>>714474542
That's actually amazing and I'm jealous

>>714473104
kek, gotta give up at some point

>>714472286
That cis scum raped you

>>714474503

Beta detected.

>>714474091
Because psychowhore has always talked shit and gossiped in my back, acted fucking sketchy and being a total bitch to me and some of her friends were always condescending to me so I thought it was some kind of set up or whatever

I just don't give a fuck like that

Also, i'm not even remotely attractive or anything and i thought something was off about her trying this hard

>>714473121
wow, I used to do the toilet paper thing... only it was to prevent century-long wiping sessions

>>714450275
>>714449378
Yeah, that's actually Subway's title for them. It's autistic but it's straight from corporate.

>>714474921
Cops were called actually cuz I was making a scene. Cops ended up taking my side over the ordeal and just left. Gaurds were angry about it. Cops don't care about being drunk in public and didn't feel like doing paperwork. Found out though the gaurds said I had a knife and threatened them. Shit was cash.

>>714475149
You sound like the type of /b/ro I'd like chilling with, one whose wild antics I could live through vicariously

>be at bar
>I hate bars
>friends and I drink and play Smash usually
>buddy's gf wants to go
>buddy drags me along
>girl talking about how great my hair is
>touching it
>asking what I do to it
>>I just wanted the bartender to make me a boilermaker
>>this is not what I ordered
>"Seriously, what do you do with your hair? It's so pretty."
>"Genetics."
>get boilermaker and 360 noscope my way back to my friends

an hour or so later...

>girl hitting on me
>I'm oblivious
>tells me I smell nice
>"I have a shower."

Still get shit for that one.

>>714474542
After relating to all the autism in this thread, I must thank you. That is a wonderful ending and really picked me up.

>>714475344
Sadly I'm a recovering alcoholic drug addict. God I miss hitting fat rails and whiskey

dunno if im autistic or not
>be in highschool, computer class
>still sit at home and play with legos, toys, etc.
>sitting in class browsing beyblade forum, kid >next to me sees, makes a scene to the whole >class, im red in the face, i dont understand at >the time why it matters at all, its just a >cartoon?
>fast forward almost 10 years, still have beyblades on my desk.

>>714449987
pshh, next you're going to say something else retarded like tomatoes and ketchup aren't the same thing

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>>714475544
>>tells me I smell nice
>>"I have a shower."
I'm not even laughing at you, this is way too gold

>>714475673
Me too actually kek

Well, I still drink, moderately, but no more drugs for me.

>>714475869
Yeah, i went to rehab but, shit was retarded. Nothing but, retarded ass alcoholics. One guy said he got really drunk and his dog pissed in his house so he got his gun and took it outside and shit it like dude wut?

>>714474628
Yeah, it feels good to be able to spew my stories of tism here. Will greentext more if I can think of any more particularly interesting ones and recall them with enough detail.

Girl asks me to dance but then sees my sister and assumes we are "together" apologies and leaves. The entire time I'm frozen, because autism. Totally wasted opportunity. This sort of thing happens just about every day.

>>714473062

Friend was a mexican?

>>714476071
I liked the heroins, a lot, so I went on methadone and tapered off. I was never into going to NA meetings or anything. I fucking hated those people. I just couldn't deal with the fucking withdrawal symptoms, but the methadone taper fixed it. Been clean for a few years now

>>714476215
Isn't it shitty how the opposite never happens? I wish chicks would assume my girlfriend is my sister. I have to tell them myself

>>714452078
This made me laugh more than it should have

>>714475835
Girls always tell me I smell nice. It's Captain Kirk cologne. There's no good way to say I smell like God-emporer Kirk. Thus I usually sperg out. Have another story.

>at Red Robin
>fuck yes, fries burgers and beer
>me and a couple of friends
>waitress asks how I want my burger done
>"Well."
>"...Uh, yeah. It'll be done well. How do you want it done?"
>I looked at my friend and just said help
>"Some pink or no pink?"
>"No."
>get burger medium well
This is what happens when autism collides.

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>>714465270
>be me
>normal guy working at restaurant
>fucking autist co-worker
>walking around with a stupid-ass autist expression on his face
>autist goes to take dishes out to dining area
>shouts TROLL at the top of his lungs as he walks through the door
>mfw

> Be drunk me
> Go to Taco Bell for some authentic mexican cuisine
> Nig Nogs stopping every car for a ride through the drive through
> I end up picking them up
> NIggers take forever ordering cuz high
> They take over my ride and force me to go to the gas station next
> we get to the gas station and turns out they're banned for stealing
> Cashier asks me if I'm with them and tells me not to hang around them
> we go to another gas station and ask me to buy them shit
> card gets declined so I end up taking them back to their place
> I end up meeting up with my friends
> I go to get some beer from my backseat cuz I bought a 30pk
> niggers stole my beer
> I did a steak out of their place
> figured I'd throw a brick threw the window
> did this for 2 weeks straight
> never saw them again

>>714476686
Oh god, haven't seen those plot twists in a long fucking while

>>714455984
This tbh.

>>714452078

>>714452279
>>714452304
>>714452339
>>714452613

have fun Mr. Meatlong

>>714465023
No I will not download mega.

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>be me
>have to go to dentist
>mouth is so wide open I could be doing porn
>think about pic related I saw yesterday
>tensing up my whole body trying not to laugh
>laugh harder because I'm not supposed to be laughing
>I start convulsing with silent laughter every time the dentist looks away

>>714452078

My GF did this exact thing, twice. I'm screen capping this post so I can show her in the morning.

>>714472324
Did you consider suicide?

>>714475682
fuck them, enjoy beyblade all you want.

probably autistic, but still

>>714448897
Okay, don't eat at any restaurant ever again.

>>714477868

i dont get it m8

>>714475544
kek, did she just think you were being an asshole?

>drop girl off at her place
>asks if I want to come up for coffee
>"no thanks, I don't drink coffee"

>>714476754
Why would you...
A. Pick up niggers under any circumstance
B. Obey their wishes and take them to a gas station
C. Pay for their shit when you don't even know them
D. Drive them back to their place

This has to be bait because this is the most moronic story I've ever fucking heard.

>>714478916
I blame autism

>>714478146
I think it's a stretched 'no gf' joke

>>714478221
Probably. I look like a fuccboi anyways.
>bright tank top
>pink sunglasses
>>in doors
>>AT NIGHT
>long hair
>flowery, faggoty arm tattoo
See, I look like I should be a sociable, functionable person. So when I'm autistic it's suprising. Or taken as me being a douchelord. I refuse to believe women would ever want my nerdy ass anyways.

>>714446382
Lol
Yeah I was like "wtf guac on a meatball sub?"

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>be me
>be sitting in seventh grade english class
>staring off into space because class was boring as fuck
>happen to be staring in the general direction of a popular girl
>she looks behind her for some reason and sees me staring
>says in a loud voice, "That's right, I caught you staring."
>didn't know what to say because I was too beta
>literally say nothing in that class for the rest of the year
I got another one
>be in math class
>class was doing a group project or some shit
>out of fucking nowhere a Mexican girl asks if I want to be her boyfriend
>I was kinda shocked because no one ever asked me that before
>my spaghetti went everywhere
>get flustered and say I don't know
>mfw when I could've been happy for once but I blew it
That last part was painful to type out. I actually think about killing myself every time I think about that.

>>714443976
>going to subway
>not familiarizing yourself with the menu and ingredients

I work at Penn Station and usually I laugh at people who go to such a shitty subshop, but you're just a whole new party

>>714470219
I worked at a subway too, shit is gross anon.

> Be me
> high as fuck in gym class
> we're playing volleyball today kids!
> Oh fuck I'm too high to remember how to serve
> coach shows me and I instantly forget what he just showed me
> End up just tossing the ball over the net
> a girl next to me aks me wtf is wrong with me
> tell her I'm high
> bitch shouts that I'm high to everyone within earshot
> I faked an injury and sat on the bleachers and went to sleep

Oh fuck I have a few. I'm on mobile so bare with me.

>be me, 15 and emo with no sense of social awareness
>hanging out in park with other emo friends
>group of 16-20yo chavs (smackheads) wander over
>they start usual smackhead shit
>"what you guys doing? Cutting yourself and listening to screamo?"
>yeah totally
>one smackhead gets more aggressive
>"bruv you don't wanna see what's in my sock!"
>probably in reference to a knife in true smackhead way
>autismactivate.jpg
>I reply with "what, your foot?" in a confused manner
>smackhead laughs and says I'm alright and ive got balls
>tells his friends to leave us alone and they all walk away

>mfw autism stopped me getting stabbed
>>mfw no face

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>>714454277
>Pimp walk

This is straight gold. Best thread

>>714479636
>Dating a spic

You dodged a bullet. Actually, you dodged a fucking nuke. They're all batshit crazy and their families are a fucking nightmare.

>>714480041
I used to date a mexican. Can confirm. Bitch could drink me under the table and not black out

> Be me
> in elementary we were drawing what we enjoyed doing
> I draw myself pissing on the toilet
> teacher tells me good job
> tells me to draw another thing I like doing
> draw myself taking a shit on the toilet
> calls my mom and wants to have me tested for retardation
> nope turns out I just loved shitting and pissing

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>>714445361
>be horny
>get job offer to lose weight by supposdly eating fake bread and processed meat and veggies.
>Get millions of dollars.
>everybody loves me.
>feelgay.jpg
>something was missing, not sure what.
>go to /b/
>understand the meaning of life.
>learn about /k/ and /pol/
>I start loving lolis
>end up in jail sucking the negro dingo
wat do b?

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>>714476686
>be me
>be dish at restaurant
>fucking normie holding me
>hands me to restaurant autist
>dead autistic look on his face
>fuck no
>pleasedontdropme.png
>autist starts heading towards door
>bringing me to my table
>he bursts through door while shouting TROLL
>normie dies laughing
>autist facepalms
>mfw

Got a damn good one for y'all

>Be me
>17 at the time (a few years ago)
>Know a hot Puerto Rican girl
>Surprisingly not a bitch like most of them
>Like her a lot
>One day she lets slip that she likes me
>I did nothing with this information
>She didn't press
>But one day, after school when cheerleading and football practice was finished (since they were held at the same time, and she had recently picked up cheerleading and I did football all through middle/high)
>Stay after everyone else to do a few things (make plans for games etc etc)
>In the locker room as I'm doing this
>She comes in, I didn't even notice her
>"Hey Anon"
>"Oh hey"
>"I have something to ask you......"
>"Yeah?"
>"Do you wanna go out with me?"
>Stopped what little things I was doing and froze
>I have and have had social anxiety
>Literally have a panic attack
>She calls hospital
>Sent to psychiatric hospital for awhile
>Never talked to me again

>>714454277
>My guardian

Actual KEKs

>be me
>eating lunch in my car
>people walk by occasionally because of city
>dat rumbly in meh tembly
>rip the grossest, most heinous fart ever
>roll window down
>chick is walking up to my car
>probably a college freshman still unfamiliar with the campus or homeless and looking for money
>I try to roll the window up real quick and peel off
>she makes it in time to get a good whiff
>immediately gags...hard
>backs up and looks at me like I just slapped her in the face
>I try driving off but it's a real tight fit
>takes me like 30 attempts to get out of the space
>all the while she's gagging and staring me down like she hates me more than anyone or anything in this world

>>714463256
Penn Stationfag here, I'll trade.
All I get is the occassional glimpse at some jailbait or methwhore's cleavage.

College town is 40 minute drive away, and I'm considering getting a job at THAT town's Penn Station.

>>714457466
what if she was helping santa make his list

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>>714457821
>pro of autism
>pro
kek

>>714480173
My experience was limited to a Chilean who'd been arrested at least five times based on the mugshots I could find of her online. Fucked like the devil but ultimately the anal wasn't worth it. You're not a man until you've bounced your dick off a turd, I say!

>>714454277

Story is full of shit
>toysrus doesnt have security
>wouldnt call the cops unless you pose a threat
>employees would actually be told to keep an eye on you
>kys
>source: im a fuckin asm there

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ITT:Newfags thinking this isnt copypasta

>>714481236
Entertaining copypasta at least

>>714481189
welcome to 4chan faggot.

>>714481311
this is true

>>714480453
I was hoping this was a "get caught" vid

>>714476686
>>714480515
Holy shit, my former co-worker and that dish that I held once are here

>>714479926
Autism may have saved your life.

>>714443976
Should've just bought a cake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbgf5BC_s-4

>>714480604
You made me remember one with that, will greentext after reading rest of thread

>>714450268

top zozzle

>>714481236
I know for a fact that
>>714465270
and
>>714471809
aren't.... they happened to me.

And a lot of what I've seen here isn't... or at least I've never seen it before

>>714463484

>[green] fkn newfag [/green]

works!!

>>714479914
Top kek

>>714480041
The sad thing is that she looked somewhat white, she was a solid 7/10. I could've gotten laid, no joke. I'm just glad she went to a different high school. If u new I was going to be a kissless virgin throughout high school I would've said yes. I swear to god I was autistic until 9th grade.

>>714480453
Source?

>>714468159
I have a similar one and to this day i regret not taking the chance so obviously presented to me.

>Be me 14 y/o 9 years ago.
>Crushing on this girl called Lauren since I was 11 y/o.
>Easy 8/10 girl but almost youtube skeletor grill thin due to anorexia but not enough to be bad.
> In Geography one day with teacher out of class and a total of less than 10 students.
>I hated talking to those normies so for like 5 years of high school i just either did my work or put my head in my hands to avoid people.
>Laurens super nice and always tries to talk to me.
>In class in her skirt she climbed onto my desk and sat down facing me legs open with her feet on my legs without warning.
>Looked up once at her smiling before spending about 45 seconds stareing at her black panties.
>Too busy staring to even take out any spagettii.
>Teacher comes back and heaven ends and I starts the regrets.
>Lauren jumped off a 6 story building a couple months later and died.
>Heartbroken, my 1st teen love girl.
>Still feel sad to this day when I think about her.

>>714464751
I had this exact job. This shit happens every day.

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> Be hooker
> John asks me to lick his asshole
> Spaghetti falls out of pussy
> Ram my fist up his ass and control him like a puppet
> shove my whole body into his anal cavity
> I am you and you are me
> I rob a bank while spaghetti falls out of asshole
> cops test the dna and matches with my dna
> cops track me down
> I slither out of asshole and hide out in an alley
> mfw all the John wanted was a rimjob

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wow I never knew how many you guys had autism it really cool how you guys get together a support each other like this it's really brave I knew a kid who had autism

>>714483730
Says the fag who can't English proper

>>714481344

Nice dubs nigger now kys

>>714484222
Trips of truth

>>714452078
stay meaty, mr. meatlong

>>714477935
lololol buttblasted don't be upset man

>>714483853
I think he's serious

>>714481970
Alright, here goes.... I'm trollrestaurant and gigglehumper, by the way... just so you know what level you're dealing with here.

>be me, 16 (before gigglehumping story)
>working at supermarket
>have a shitty car, and just started smoking weed
>felt pretty damn cool
>9/10 co-worker asks for a ride home
>say yes before my mouth even opens
>shift ends
>wait for an hour (I think?) in my car in parking lot
>butterflies in stomach
>hour or two passes, me getting more nervous every minute
>she walks out towards my car
>butterflies intensify
>she gets in
>there are no longer butterflies in my stomach, they are now bees
>I start driving, shaking and can barely manage sentences
>she asks "umm anon, are you okay"
>uuuyea!, hey, you wanna smoke up?
>she's totally down
>bees get more enraged
>pull off behind a church, wanted to be cool and edgy
>pretty sure I said something cringey at this point before breaking out the green
>we start smoking
>bees do not settle down
>finish bowl, then proceed to quickly open my door and vomit
>"are you sure you're okay anon??"
>yeayea I'm fine I'm fine
>drive her home
>never drive her home again

I was once swimming with my sister and my cousin.

Cousin was/is a fairly attractive woman. Natural tan, blonde, blue eyes, fantastic hips, and nice little breasts.

She swam underwater to where I was and when she came up she remarked about how "I almost flashed you" while adjusting her top.

But then she kept fucking doing it and she kept saying it. And because I have siblings, anytime someone is coming near me in a pool I know it is to be an asshole and so EVERY FUCKING TIME I would be trying to swim away from her because I was frightened about what she was planning and I never saw anything.
...to boot, I found out not very long after that she and my brother were having sex. I probably could have experienced wincest with an attractive blonde at like 13.

>>714463484
awesome bait

>>714457821
feelsbadman

>>714448198
He said former sandwich artist you fucking downy.

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>>714454277
>"no i mean the kind that's motorized
lost my shit

>>714485058

you should of pulled your dick out the next time she went underwater and waited to see if she'd suck it

>Out clubbing
>Trying to be friendly
>Trying to pick up
>Fuck it
>Not working
>Challange freind to shots
>Go five more than freind
>Go bad
>Talk to another girl
>Buy two of what she's drinking
>Ignore two other freinds
>Strike out
>Dance
>Keep dancing
>Steal drinks
>Caught by a Sheila whom I was stealing from
>Shove a ten in her hand
>Kiss her head
>Go back to dancing
>Thrown out of club
>On street
>Freinds can't find me
>Wake up in a gutter
>Freinds dragging me to a McDonald's
>Wake up at McDs
>Try to educate the cops about our Lord The Holy Emperor
>Screaming imperial hymns all the way home
>Wake up trying to unlock door
>Carried to bed by freinds

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>>714452078

>>714443976
This is obviously b8 because nobody in the history of subway doesnt know what 'original' means.

Could have been believeable if you used a better word.

3/10

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>>714464751
the only true autist in this thread. you do realize that this is what they are supposed to do at delis. it's so the customer can choose the cut of the meat. how retarded do you have to be to mistake this as a sexual advance?

>>714443976
Kek

>>714443976
Top Kek

>>714486222
checked

>>714463296
No big deal bro, Don't lets these guys mess with you. All you gotta do is put %Green* at the end of your post in a seperate line and it'll make everything green.
How old are you btw? I'm trying to make some friends on here

>>714486719
I'm as old as you are gay.

>>714471809
you fucking twat

>>714486941
Chill dude. Just tryina be your friend.
How old are you?

>>714471072
fuck that's good

>>714487159
I'm as old as time. I'm a wizard you see.