Greentext Story Thread This actually just happened to me

Cool story, bro.

File: 1435704646904.jpg (42KB, 596x448px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 596x448px

>>714420522

Part 1/?

>be me
>20
>unifag
>going home from lecture
>99% probably closeted fag
>anally masturbated yesterday
>this is important for the story continue reading
>fuckyeah.jpg
>i clean up everything (i do it in the shower when my flatmates aren't home it make the whole thing way easier)
>go to bed
>everything as usual until story start

>>714420740

part 2/?

>i got myself a salad and a bread roll from the supermarket cuz i was fucken hungry
>it had a lot of cabbage and some cauliflower in it
>this shit makes you fart
>so back to the main story
>im walking home and have to fart
>like, those small uzi like farts and im thinking nothing to myself
>suddenly a little turd leaves my pucker
>whattheactualfuck.jpg

>>714420954

part 3/?

>OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKTHISJUSTHAPPENED.gif
>remember yesterday
>regret everything
>my way home is like 30 min long
>mfw i panic so hard i almost laugh because i acknowledge the comedy of this fucking situation
>pretending nothing happened
>walk to metro station and hope that it doesn't slip down
>i feel something sticky at my ankle
>OH MY GOD HELP ME
>mfw the fucking station is crowded because it's rush hour
>oh lord please help me.webm

File: 1435701740742.jpg (56KB, 597x519px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 597x519px

>>714421166

>part 4/?

>i walk super retardedly because i fear that my new lil friend is gonna wanna leave my pants
>mfw i must smell like shit
>every glance from another commuter means they fucking know
>i have to change metro trains and walk steps
>every step is a challenge
>i walk like a fucking idiot
>everytime i see someone looking at me i either pretend i smell something funny too or preten im in pain because i sprained my ankle or some shit
>finally turn into the corner of my street

File: nightmare same.png (128KB, 721x349px) Image search: [Google]

128KB, 721x349px

>>714421420

last part

>make my way up the steps to my flat
>disabledmanwalkingtothetoiletasfastashecan.gif
>"this is the moment of truth"
>pull down pants halfway and sit down on toilet
>wipe my ass to confirm that something left my ass
>theres shit on the toilet paper
>targetacquired.png
>pull pants down slowly in horror
>mfw there is nothing
>mfw i completely bamboozled myself in many different ways and made myself look like a complete idiot

as far as i know myself this won't stop me from anal masturbation

i have learnt nothing

>inb4 kys fag

cmon be more creative

File: 1479145732735.jpg (200KB, 460x819px) Image search: [Google]

200KB, 460x819px

Lets fix this thread bois.

>>714422495
lol this one's fucking good
>>714422695
classic

i forgot to mention its an AMA too

File: 1430662687674.jpg (103KB, 582x680px) Image search: [Google]

103KB, 582x680px

>Drank a few PBRs
>Had poached eggs and cornbeef hash for supper
>Met up with friends and drank red wine
>Went to a local bar, drunk but mellow
>Was dared to eat a pickled egg at the bar...did it!
>Hooked up with a chick near closing time
>Yes, she was chubby
>Go to her place...horny as hell
>She wants to take a shower! sweet!
>Soaping each other...stomach rumbles
>Let a little fart sneak out..
>Stench fills the shower...she looks funny
>Projectile vomits on my chest
>I return the favor...
>She screams and jumps out of the shower
>I try but slip and knock myself out
>Wake up covered in puke and..
>Apparently shit myself too.
>Wipe it on her towels
>Walk home

a true memory;
Background. There was a time when my wife was working away from home. At the end of the weekends I used to drive her to her digs then drive back to our rented flat.
>Driving wife to her digs from weekend at parents
>no sex all weekend - both of us are itching for it
>on these occasions we fuck in car in quiet area around the corner from her digs
>stop, park up, start kissing
>I fold both driver and passenger seats forward to give room
>she removes jeans and underwear
>I'm on back seat, straddling transmission tunnel
>she's kneeling facing me with seats folded up behind her
>I open her shirt (she was braless) fondle and kiss her
>I'm fingering her and rubbing clit; she's breathing heavy and very wet; I'm diamonds
>she unzips my jeans, moves back to give herself some room
>stops suddenly, little gasp, eyes go wide
car is manual with tallish gearlever - she accidentally sat back onto cold gear knob
>look of shock gives way to wicked grin
>starts gyrating hips; hips start to inch lower
>she starts rocking her hips, rising and falling a little, smiling eyes locked onto mine - gearlever starts to slowly vanish from view
>I watch, fascinated, as she gently works the gearlever into herself, biting her lip and softly moaning - best floorshow ever
>eventually she's virtually sitting on her haunches, gearlever fully home, hips slowly and gently moving
>smiles at me wickedly, softly breathes "mmmm, well this will do for me, now for you" and begins to stroke my rock-hard dick
>After a show like that I come in seconds, and she then proceeds to steadily and methodically fuck herself to two orgasms on my gear lever.
>when she's finished and has her breath back she slowly rises and disengages from my car
>She kisses me and with a grin says "I've always liked this car"
>she puts on her jeans, pockets her underwear, picks up her overnight bags
>leans in through window, smiles and says "Careful you don't lose your grip when you change gear" then skips off to her digs

>>714423316
Okay. Wot. That was.. Okay..

File: nice.jpg (6KB, 288x175px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 288x175px

>>714423316
bruh

>>714423634
>That was.. Okay..
Greentext story thread. I just felt like sharing.

I fap to that memory often and I thought it might adjust some other anons' underwear.

Obviously it was better if you were there, all the more so because 1) it was unprovoked and unexpected and 2) she looks like butter wouldn't melt.

>>714423316
what the fuck is a dig

what are digs

>>714424112
Ah, apologies. Brit slang for bed-and-breakfast or a rented room in someone's house. I have no idea of its etymology

I'm close to the character limit but I'll try yo amend the text if I post it again

>>714424348
(cont)
Google is your friend
>digs
>dɪɡz/
>noun informal
>plural noun: digs
>lodgings.
>synonyms: lodgings, living quarters, quarters, rooms; accommodation, billet; lodging place, bedsit, flat, apartment, house, home;
>"he had just been thrown out of his digs"

>Origin
>late 19th century: short for diggings, used in the same sense, probably referring to the land where a farmer digs, i.e. works and, by extension, lives.

>>714424348
maybe post a pic with the explanation so you won't have to worry about that bullshit?

File: Always-keep-a-small-bedroom-clean-and-uncluttered[1].jpg (40KB, 600x392px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 600x392px

>>714424719
What? You want a picture of a bedroom? How would you then know it was a rented room in someone else's house?

But if it makes you happy.......

>>714424940
lol, i shoulda been more specific. with explanation i meant the explanation for dig. just a plain fucking picture that says dig=odging place, bedsit, flat, apartment, house. or you can explain again it everytime.

File: anon life on the interchange.jpg (521KB, 1258x660px) Image search: [Google]

521KB, 1258x660px

>>714420522

>>714425157
Well, at least you realised I was kidding.

As a reward, a second sexy greentext to follow:

>>714425362
background: wife only tolerates anal occasionally and always at my initiation, but when we do she enjoys it. I'm pretty girthy so it requires time and lots of lube
>we’re lying in bed one weekend morning, getting ready to start the day
>wife goes into shower first
>she comes out, dries herself, gets back into bed and starts making out with me
>things getting frisky and I'm now all set for some pre-breakfast nookie
>wife gives me a cheeky grin, goes into spoon position (she small spoon)

limit - to be continued if interest

>>714425468
hit me wit da booty mang