THERES A GODDAMN BARN OWL IN MY HOUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW

throw a blanket over it you fucking pussy

>>705054440
/Thread

im owl

this offends me

just chase it out

Go in guest room, close door behind you. Open window and remove screen. Turn the lights off in the room. He or she may leave on their own.

File: 1429756428979.jpg (11KB, 256x256px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 256x256px

>>705054264

OP forgot to pay the owl bill.

>>705054846
Leave

>>705054846
>>705054877
I'm mad at you

>>705054803
OP. Dont do this. Other owl will come in. You will have double owl problem.

File: 1451529141449.gif (3MB, 400x299px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 400x299px

>>705054803

Too fast, unless I can ambush it (which is out of the question because, you know, ITS A GODDAMN OWL)

>>705054440

Not terribly fond of getting talons to the face the second I open the door. How do I keep it calm?

Side note: as I type this I can hear that asshole ripping up my drapes for whatever dank ass reason.

>>705054803
Do this

File: Sigmund_Freud_LIFE.jpg (876KB, 1066x1500px) Image search: [Google]

876KB, 1066x1500px

>>705054264
>go to store
>buy bread
>let owl nearly starve
>give it bread
>eventually gain its trust
>you now have a pet owl. Hell yeah!

>>705054846
>>705055073
Fucking kek

>>705055171
Owl in strange surroundings. Owl calm down when owl get used to odd habitat.

Pics or it's fake

It's a fucking owl dude, not a bear or something

File: 1463266308546.png (426KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

426KB, 640x480px

>>705055073

I'm half convinced this would happen at this point.

>>705055185

Seems like the obvious choice, but how do I make sure it doesn't escape out the door behind me? That fucker is FAST

>>705055306

Owls eat rodents and small birds, which I'm pretty sure they don't sell in even the most ghetto Walmarts. If anything it would use the loaf of bread as a weapon.

>>705055719
Freud again.
Use classical conditioning, the owl will eventually become very hungry. just toss it some food and it should end up eating it eventually. probably raw meat that is rat-like will work.
>go to store and get that meat.
>feed to owl.
>profit

File: QaUs5.jpg (233KB, 480x3430px) Image search: [Google]

233KB, 480x3430px

do this

>>705054264
Put a clothes hamper with holes in it over your head or a bucket or something to protect your face. Do this >>705054803
You can't keep him calm you'll just have to run in do it and get out. He might try to claw you but he just wants you to go away. Don't be intimidated by his bullshit and don't look him in the eye.
>I have this problem all the time

>>705054264
call pest control stupid. youll probably break its wing if you try yourself.

File: 1397599742572.png (276KB, 477x352px) Image search: [Google]

276KB, 477x352px

OP here with update:

I just found a ~6inch hole in my living room ceiling that leads to the attic. Well, guess I know how the flying dindu got in. I just can't catch a break tonight...

Quick way to seal this shit before more come in?

>>705056732
Duct tape. or a cork.

>>705056732
Plywood or sheetrock

>>705056732
You should also find and fix the hole that's letting critters into the attic from outside, but that's better to do in the daytime when you can see.

For now, use tape and a piece of cardboard (cereal box, moving box, whatever you got) to cover up the hole in the ceiling.

If you have zero cardboard, you can also use plastic (like a shopping bag).

>>705056119
warm raw mean though. probably wont work. owls are not scavengers.

>>705056732
Put a box or some shit on top of the attic hole

File: 1421238527918.png (232KB, 500x553px) Image search: [Google]

232KB, 500x553px

>>705054846
He also forgot about the brain bill too

>>705056732
yo op did it sound like this???? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDmRmRb2OpE

scarry shit!!!

>>705057075
toss it in the room once the owl calms down. use string attached to it to mimic living thing. add warm blood to sample and your set for owl bud.

File: about to no u man.jpg (24KB, 640x604px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 640x604px

>>705054877

File: 1433647557155s.jpg (6KB, 249x249px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 249x249px

>>705054803

>he or she

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME THE OWL ISN'T GENDER NONBINARY

#TRIGGERED

>>705057237
yeah id just call pest control lol.

>>705056732
>I just found a ~6inch hole in my living room ceiling
>just found

how does something like that escape your attention?

>>705057305
...because owls don't have Tumblr.

>>705056732
Poop in it to seal it.

>>705054264
>Be owlbro
>Looking for some food
>hunger pain
>go to some guys house
>check trash
>fuck
>just about to eat a piece of pizza when I hear this fat, smelly, sweaty, neck beard yell like a 5 year old
>oh shit I'm sorry
>literally throwing all his shit off his walls at me
>ohfuckbroimsorry
>pulls out his iPhone
>it has a MLP case
>trying to take a picture of me
>can't hold breath for 2 seconds because cholesterol
>locks me in awful smelly guestroom
>see a yellow stained pair of panties with mushrooms growing out of em
>hurl up a pellet
>Find a Laptop
>open it, stuck together pretty good with too
I'm currently typing this on his laptop, wat do

File: 1445566302602.png (12KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 300x300px

>OP's face when animal control doesn't respond to calls this late at night

File: OWLS2.jpg (82KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 1024x768px

Coming to get you motherfucker and i brought my boys. We'll fuck you up right good m8.

>>705057406
He is too busy fighting birds that fly into his home.

File: Donald-Trump-imitating-Times-reporter-Serge-Kovaleski-who-is-disabled.jpg (26KB, 615x411px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 615x411px

>>705056644
Dafuq?

File: image.jpg (143KB, 810x570px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 810x570px

The owl has taken over your house.
You should really just grab some important documents and clothes and leave.
Owls are very dominant, so your house is now that fuckin owls house now.
Just leave, and go live somewhere else.
Don't put it on the market, nothing, leave and never look back.
It would anger the owl to disturb him in his new home.
So good luck. You may take your car though.

File: 123123156666.png (441KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

441KB, 600x600px

>>705056732
>6 inch hole
Now would that be the circumference, area or diameter?
D=2R
C=π*D or C=2π*R
A=πR²

You may use any of these equations to further explain this "6 inch hole".

File: beaverking.jpg (112KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

112KB, 1024x768px

>>705057667
Is Op the king of the beavers?

Aren't humans supposed to be apex predators or something? What's a little bird doing threatening you?

>>705057938
Found the autist.

File: trump bottle.gif (1MB, 600x461px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 600x461px

>>705057727
You see anon when you have a barn in your backyard full of things like hay bales and spare tools you tend to get owls.
One summer a big motherfucker got in through my sisters window so we locked it in there. Animal control would've taken forever so we got waste bins, clothes hampers and my dad had a bucket put them on our heads and shooed it back out the window.

Just cover your head with something, be a man and scare that fucker right out the window.

>>705057489
Are you trying to suggest that people are only non binary due to the website tumblr? Are you implying that it is not an entirely normal and natural thing to happen? Are you trying to act all "alpha" with your cis privilege?

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

>>705054264
Get a goddamn picture you hog faced slut!!

>>705058116
Op is not human, he is a faggot rat

>>705055073
This fucker knows

Owls don't shit.

>>705058473
wut? yes they do.

File: OwlShit.webm (820KB, 720x404px) Image search: [Google]

820KB, 720x404px

>>705058473

>>705057603
Hoot incessantly

>>705058141
Well I could see an owl getting through a 6 inch diameter hole that's understandable.
Now if we're talking circumference or area here then I find this unlikely as my dick has a circumference of 6 inches.

I don't think I could fit an owl in my dick.

>>705057603
Kek

>>705058293
Holy fuck do you really have to hijack every goddamn thread with your bullshit nobody cares about?
This thread is about buddy and his owl. Want to know if he tore OPs face off before crashing thru the window.

>>705058576
The owl would have to be really small to fit in your dick.

Toss a bug bomb in the room. You might need you leave for a day, but I'm sure that fuck will be dead.

File: 1451610219125.png (630KB, 749x894px) Image search: [Google]

630KB, 749x894px

>>705054264
Nuke your house from orbit
its the only way to be sure

>>705057603
>hurl up a pellet

>>705058576
Your dick does not have a circumference of six inches...I'm grabbing tailor tape now just to make sure you are an idiot

>>705054264
Do you have a paintball or football helmet? Something to cover face well and still see?

File: 1433471593323.png (143KB, 332x394px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 332x394px

OP LISTEN FUCK UP

STEP ONE DO A FIRE
STEP TWO MAKE TO THE HOUSE
THIRD STEP OWL BURN
FOURTH TIME REMOVE FIRE ON HOUSE
FIVE STEP EAT HOT OWL

JUST REMEMBER TO MAKE TO THE FIRE ON HOUSE REMOVE.

>>705058698
That's what I'm thinking. Maybe a baby.
That's why OP needs to nut up, do his homework and MEASURE THAT FUCKING HOLE!!!!

>>705058839
You've never seen an owl pellet?

>>705054264

just burn your house down. that'll get it.

unless it harnesses the power of flame, then you'll have a flaming barn owl after your ass.

>>705056732
Cum on it and post pics

>>705058841
Never mind, I am an idiot. My apologies

File: 1436242213663.jpg (12KB, 223x250px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 223x250px

>>705058935
ME FORGET ABOUT FLAMING OWLS!

NO LISTEN TO >>705058897 OP!

FLAMING OWL KILL FAMILY!

File: 1364089703628.jpg (67KB, 638x470px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 638x470px

OP here. Managed to seal the hole in the ceiling/attic with an old burlap bag I just remembered I keep in my car and about 60 nails. Found a pellet left by the intruder on my grandparent's antique armchair. Among other things I just discovered that in my panic fit trying to seal the owl in the guest room I managed to smash my goddamn Iphone on something so its fucking useless now even though it should have ~70% charge. I still have ~2003 era landline phones but I hardly ever use them so if what I'm about to do next fails, I'll call 911.

I have decided, against my better judgement to do what >>705054803 and >>705056644 said and try to force the winged gestapo dickwad out the gestroom window. I am armed with only an old rusty fire poker and a cheap plastic laundry hamper my fiance got me from the store.

Wish me luck. If I survive, I will post results...

>>705058116
Humans aren't apex predators you pleb, by nature were hunter gatherers, and we're pretty shit at the hunting part compared to other animals, that's why we have a big ass brain, so we can make things to make hunting easier

File: 1474612590520.jpg (17KB, 484x359px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 484x359px

>>705054264
The Owl has invaded your home, successfully I might add. So there is only one reasonable thing to do.
Seduce the Owl and make it think you are its submissive mate.

No joke. Cover yourself with feathers and glue, walk in, ass exposed and submit yourself to its carnal desires.
Eventually it will make a nest and demand you snuggle with it, do so eagerly and lovingly.
After a few years of disgust disguised as lust, you make your move when it has become fat and content.
Slowly begin poisoning your mate's early morning breakfast (a mouse usually) until it becomes weak enough for you to restrain in a chair.
Afterwards slowly and agonizingly repay it for every white shit in the house, every resentful kiss, every betrayal of your body and soul that it took for you to get to this moment.

>>705055625
Dude owls are intense.

>>705058903
First op needs to do something about that owl that is making him shit his pants every few second. That is if the smell of his poop pants does not kill it.

>>705059116

you could just call animal control.

>>705059116
GODSPEED OP

File: 1434094352203.jpg (38KB, 384x673px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 384x673px

JUST KILL THE FUCKING OWL BEFORE IT FUCKS UP YOUR HOUSE

Got any old soda boxes? If so you need to take them and craft protective armor to help shield you. Then with your mighty pillow, bash the fucker into submission. If it fucks your pillow up just fix it with fresh owl feathers.

>>705055625
Or a owlbear.

>>705059116
Must recurd and share

File: 1416609163976.png (507KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

507KB, 500x500px

I've never panicked about an owl before this thread came along and now i realize just how vulnerable my house is to owls

>>705059116
Show that fucker who's house he's in.
Also post pics of aftermath

>>705059116
Godspeed, OP.

File: 1432529108869.jpg (53KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 400x400px

>>705059116
Have fun getting fucked up by owl talons OP

Post results when done.

>>705059450
Inb4 the owl posts pics of dead op.

Owlbro here
This dude just had a huge asthma attack when he saw the owl pellet, then he went upstairs and crept around, which naturally sounded like he was hammering a wall, I'm now using his phone to type and waiting for him to leave so I can clean up and go

File: 56650315.jpg (89KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

89KB, 1280x720px

>>705058841
>>705059015
I told you but you didn't listen. Most people are thinking diameter when talking about penis girth.

Now don't you look silly?
>>705059206
The owl can wait. It's probably eating the whole family of rats in op's attic that have subsided off cheeto crumbs and doritos. Thing is probably eating like a champ right now.

So OP definitely has the time to change his poop stained skivvies, get a ruler and measure the fucking hole.
>>705059116
Remember to get a ruler too to measure that hole OP.

Good to know you're taking my advice.
Scare the shit out of that barn nigger and let him know this is your house!

>>705054264

stick of dynamite straight up his ass

who---whoo---BOOM!!!

File: 1349084460589[1].jpg (14KB, 216x290px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 216x290px

>>705059552
Seeing a news report tomorrow of a man being killed by an owl would make this one of the greatest 4Chan threads of all time.

File: 1474150810392.jpg (25KB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 720x540px

>>705059570
Do you need some help owlbro?

>>705059169
humans are actually incredible hunters. human stamina is well above and beyond that of most if not all of our prey meaning we can hunt by exhausting the animal to the point you can literally walk up to it and break its neck. now if that isn't some apex predator shit, i don't know what is.

>>705059651
Let's see where this goes

Update : found some doritos under the bed Score!

>>705059651
lol @ dog feet. /k/ meems r fun.

>>705054264
Not trying to be helpful but I read this in Ed's voice. Thanks OP for the laugh. Sorry to hear about your drapes.

>>705059653
Yeah people really don't often realize how badass humans are, i mean, we have an ASS. A thing that allows us to run for literally hours with the right training. Like you said, we could walk up to most things after a few hours and break their neck.

>>705059797
Watch out owl bro the dresser has nothing for you in there.
Apparently the human is going to try to shoo you away with a fire poker. Just screech at him a little bit and he should go away.

>>705059587
>standing in my kitchen with tailor tape wrapped around my shaft.

I'm sure it does look silly, but I FEEL smart.

>>705059116
OP has been gone for 15 minutes. He ded.

File: 1449432590288.gif (628KB, 516x402px) Image search: [Google]

628KB, 516x402px

OP HERE

WHAT THE FUCK IT IS FUCKING

G
O
N
E

I WALKED IN TO THE ROOM AND SEALED THE DOOR BEHIND ME NOT A SECOND LATER ONLY TO FIND I WAS THE ONLY LIVING THING IN THE ROOM. THERE ARE FEATHERS AND POOP EVERYWHERE. IT RIPPED THE CURTAINS AND MATTRESS COMFORTER TO SHIT BUT THERE IS NO SIGN OF IT HIDING ANYWHERE. I CHECKED EVERY POSSIBLE PLACE IT COULD BE HIDING TWICE AND FOUND NOTHING.

>BEHIND THE DRESSER
>BEHIND THE NIGHTSTAND
>UNDER THE FLATSCREEN TV (WHICH IT KNOCKED OVER SOMEHOW)
>UNDER THE BED
>IN THE CLOSET
>IN YOUR MOM'S ASSCRACK

BUT I AM NOT SATISFIED. SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE. I AM SURE IT IS STILL IN HERE SOMEWHERE. I AM AT A TOTAL LOSS FOR WHAT TO DO NOW.

WILL UPDATE IF ANYTHING COMES UP.

File: tmb_3140_480.jpg (19KB, 480x252px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 480x252px

gotta get some sleep

>>705060545
Owl 1
Op 0

>>705060598
Im going to bed op but you shouldnt, the owl will getcha

>>705060598
Look around there may be another hole in your home that you somehow missed.

>>705060598
You weren't fast enough. Fucker went out the door when you walked in the room. You didn't even see him. Good luck op but if this is true I'm betting on the owl now

>>705060598
Leave the room...seal it forever.

File: 651651651658.png (820KB, 704x396px) Image search: [Google]

820KB, 704x396px

>>705060598
DEUCE! DEUCE!
2 TIMES!
You got had OP you even got into NEET-knight mode for your moment of glory.
>Owl 2
>OP 0

>>705060839
>Owl: 2
>OP: 0
>Pants op shat in this hour: 5

>>705054264
>An owl shit all over my house!
>There's shit, everywhere!

>>705056892
>that'd be a big cock
>>705057721
>>705058576
>>705058698
>>705058841
>my sides

>>705059116
>accidentally skewer owl with rusty fire poker
>poor owl dying slowly while freaking the fuck out
>makes it worse
>OP what have you done

>>705060598
>you had one job

File: lmao.gif (499KB, 480x228px) Image search: [Google]

499KB, 480x228px

>>705061041
>implying op changed his pants

>>705060598
Actually, OP? Just make loud ass noises.

That will rustle it's jimmies.

>>705061331
He will have to change his pants some point with all the shitting he is doing.

OP I have experience with this kinda shit, had to wrangle a huge bat a few months back to get it outta my homies loft. We end up chasing it around till it go tired then landed then we found a huge cardboard box to trap it in, then we released it. I'd recommend opening a window and try chasing the owl out. Remember he's probs more afraid of you than you are of him. Just protect your face and dodge him if he swoops at ya. a Blanket will help for chasing him too. If all else fails try hot boxing you guest room to get the bird stoned then befriend em with dead mice or something and bam pet owl.

>>705061478
Wait I just thought of something. What if the owl is shitting all over OPs house in an attempt to show solidarity?

>>705061614
>so you're saying it's a shitting contest
>well now

>>705060774
A dick sized hole

>>705061521
>get him stoned

I can't see anything going wrong with this.

>>705061645
>insert unfortunate tootsie pop joke here

File: Obama-lol.gif (146KB, 300x167px) Image search: [Google]

146KB, 300x167px

>>705061478
mericans don't have to change their pants for any reason.
You should know this man.
>>705061643
>op starting a shitting contest with an owl

>>705061643
So who is winning?

>>705061645
>Whenever anyone is talking about the size of an opening from now on

>>705061645
A owl can't fit in a hole that small

>>705061710
Oh god it's also a scat joke fuck

File: c4b.jpg (83KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 480x360px

>>705056263

File: 1442111118297-3.png (4MB, 3000x3000px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 3000x3000px

>>705061372

Oh my god, fuck you for convincing me to do this. I really thought the bastard vanishing into thing air meant things couldn't get any worse.

But they did.

I tried kicking the wall inside the guestroom with my work boots. And do you know what I happened to find out after doing that?

IT'S

IN

THE

MOTHER

FUCKING

WALLS

THE LITTLE GOOGLE STARTED SHRIEKING FROM INSIDE THE WALL SOMEWHERE EXACTLY LIKE >>705057222 EXCEPT A BIT DEEPER AND MORE GUTTURAL

I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST

OWL: 3
OP: 0

I AM CALLING 911 AND STAYING AT THE MOTEL DOWN THE STREET FOR THE NIGHT

BYE

>>705061891
Owls have hollow bones and are mostly feathers. I'm sure a lot of them could fit in dick sized holes

File: image.jpg (13KB, 259x195px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 259x195px

>>705061710

>>705061796
Op will have to when he can't move because there is so much shit in his pants.

>>705061981
Google, you got the most raggedy-ass house in the world, if you got owls coming through the ceiling and then going back inside the wall.

>>705061816
I imagine since OP hasn't come back yet, they're in a dead heat for first place.

It also hit me- if OP didn't notice the dick sized hole, and it had been there for a while, and the owl was female... what are the odds that there are little owl shits that might find their way into the house as we-

>>705061981
>he did what I suggested
>holy fucking christ my sides
I'm so sorry OP, fuck, what the fuck is even going on, fucking what. Hahaha.

File: download (3).jpg (5KB, 185x272px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 185x272px

>>705062041

>>705061891
There are a whole mess of people that disagree with that statement

>>705054264

Hire these guys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApFB-GylZNQ

>>705061997
Not when the dick is too small to be seen.

>>705062154
We are not talking about op's butthole.

>>705061981
No pics???? C'mon op we wanna see something

>>705062208
Well, the dick can fit inside the owl then, no?

>>705062208
Wow, sorry. You're right about that one.

>>705062272
Excuse me, it's buttdick sized hole.

File: image.gif (1MB, 350x265px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 350x265px

>>705062272
And if we were?

>>705062295
EUREKA

>>705062294

Dumbass OP smashed his phone in his spazz-fit.

>>705061981
you got owned by a mother fucking owl

File: 1474409315150.jpg (42KB, 453x576px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 453x576px

>>705058897

>>705062330
Op has really small dick but a large butthole.

My sides, some one caption this

>>705062350
Well you can fit all kinds of stuff in there.

>>705062398
A wild faggor appears

>>705061981
Okay, OP, hold on. Think about this rationally.

You could go in there, and start slapping your dick on the wall to entice/confuse the fuck out of the owl.

Look. You're both obviously shitting yourselves. Why not take advantage of that? Scat porn, man.

Film yourself fucking the owl while it tries to shit on your dick, while you also shit all over it.

>>705062444
Like his manhood?
Cuz he sure ain't using it

>>705062444
>>705062576
Also nice trips

>>705062538
That would probably sell like a fetishist fine wine. Do it OP.

>>705061981
You will have to gas out. Find the hole it went in and fart into it. The smell will either kill it or drive it out.

>>705061981
Pfffffffftahahahahahaha oh man I don't envy You

>>705062576
Op is too busy shitting in his pants and losing to a owl to find ways to stick his dick in his ass.

>>705062701
>the owl burrows into his anus

File: Legend-Of-The-Guardians-The-Owls-Of-GaHoole-UK-movie-poster.jpg (473KB, 1167x1728px) Image search: [Google]

473KB, 1167x1728px

Anyone feel like streaming pic related?

Just to keep the mood going?

Add me to the screencap pls.

>>705062954
But what about owl dicks, anon.

>>705063003
>the owls of gahoole
>gahoole
>hoole

>>705063081
See>>705062959

>>705054264

Dont listen to this faggot >>705055073 OP, owls are total bros and you should just open up the door, poor thing is probably scared and out of its element.

File: (You).jpg (8KB, 334x79px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 334x79px

>>705063126
I'll just be taking those (You)s.

Is op kill?

>>705062959
That will be one crime scene the police will never forget.

>>705063331
>off by 2

>>705063331
But you will not be taking any trips.

File: 1312336547434.jpg (95KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 480x480px

>>705061981

Oh god I can't feel my lungs.

You pathetic manbaby spurg can't even overpower an animal that barely weighs 3 pounds and shits out its mouth twice a day.

And the media worries about us forming neo-nazi lynch mobs.

>>705063153
This

>>705063363
Yes op pooped himself so hard that he died.

>>705054264
Stay calm ed boy.

>>705058533
>DINDU NUFFIN
the mightiest of keks

>>705057603
Shit on him.

>>705059116
Godspeed you inglorious bastard.

>>705063470
But the media should worry about faggots running around with two tons of shit in his pants.

>>705063758
Some of it outside of his pants. Also, owl shit potentially on his pants, shirt, or face, which might look like semen but smell like absolute shit.

File: FB_IMG_1444920123766.jpg (28KB, 720x676px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 720x676px

>>705058897
FUCKING CHRIST MY SIDES

File: image.gif (1MB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 480x270px

>>705063081
Op best be sleeping on his back tonight.

>>705063866
In other words op is having a shitty day.

Screen this


Rip OP

>>705063924
>if owls are in the motel
>I'm fucking done

>>705064028
Inb4 It's the same owl.

pics or it didnt happen

>>705064028
Oh owl's in the motel. It got threw a dick sized hole it's gettin in that motel.

>>705064090
>it followed him
>it really is trying to invade his dick sized hole

Two hours of epicness. RIP OP.

File: tumblr_ltcisrOy9V1r2g7mto1_500.jpg (38KB, 500x282px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 500x282px

>>705059116
>winged gestapo dickwad

God damn, this thread. RIP in pieces my sides.

God speed, OP. Vaya con dios.

Go in there and throw a fucking blanket you pussy!

>>705064143
>A faggot owl wants to fuck a faggot op.

File: lol.gif (490KB, 500x200px) Image search: [Google]

490KB, 500x200px

>find thread about owl in op's house
>this should be good
>give him advice for how to vanquish the beast
>anon tells me he has a 6 inch hole in his ceiling
>give him equations to measure whether he's talking area, circumference or diameter
>reference my dick being about 6 inches in circumference and being skeptical an owl could fit through a hole that small
>anon tries to prove me wrong
>fails
>OP fails hard as he goes full white NEET-knight with a plastic hamper on his head and fire poker in hand
>assume OP is dead
>OP returns to tell us the owl is in the wall
>shitting bricks
>anons tell him to look for a dick sized hole in the wall
>other anons argue that an owl couldn't fit through a hole that small
>MFW they're confusing circumference with diameter and this is how we will now measure holes from here on
>anons going to a hotel
>imagine fat white kid walking to shitty motel with a plastic hamper on his head and a fire poker standing in shit stained pants with cheeto fingers
>"I....I need a room"
>"Y-you're owl free r-right?
>"Mostly we get a few strays here and there but maintenance takes care of them."
>anon goes to his room
>lies down in his bed
>hears the sounds of scratching at the window
>opens the blinds to reveal a whole flock of owls
>the owl from his home is their leader
>hoot hoot motherfucker
>anon is devoured by rabid owls

Watch the news tomorrow.

>>705064624
good shit

>>705054264
CALL IT REAPER!!!

someone please cap this shit

>>705064624
>anon is devoured by rabid owls
Only if op was that lucky, the owls are going to take turns flying into his butt and out his mouth

its a bird, man. not a cobra, scorpion, or bat. just grab it and throw the damn thing out the house

File: 930.jpg (65KB, 530x530px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 530x530px

>>705064995
this is now my fetish

File: dog.png (10KB, 1080x1920px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 1080x1920px

>>705061981
I'M FUCKING DEAD OP AND THIS THREAD KILLED MY SIDES

>>705054264
Help, a human found me in its house and locked me in one of it's rooms. How do I escape?

>>705065024
Owls have huge fucking talons m8, if the fucker decides to go for the face OP might be fucked

File: owlkek.png (447KB, 1145x2832px) Image search: [Google]

447KB, 1145x2832px

Here ya lazy cunts. A start, add funny shit or future updates yourself.

Jesus tap dancing Christ, I can't fucking breathe

>>705065166
I'm too lazy so I'll make a capture of the thread when it 404s hours after.

>dick sized hole
from this and op's absence I can conclude that op did in fact stick his dick in the hole

ITT op got his dick eaten off by the owl army

File: 3a17b64c-eba4-42cb-85bb-b60c6e457a20.jpg (83KB, 800x450px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 800x450px

>>705065049
Thank you for sharing that.

>>705065133
And once Op's fucked he'll be fucked

>>705065270
keked

>>705065270
Well no lost for op as he was not making any use of it anyway.

File: FB_IMG_1472741786176.jpg (39KB, 1137x640px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 1137x640px

We can't let this die I need to know what happened to OP!

>>705065470
Op lost the battle and died.

OP is dead, we are the owl army. Fear us.

File: 05.webm (3MB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 640x480px

>Not a single pic for proof in this thread
Has /b/ really become this autistic?

File: 1457469779784.jpg (30KB, 512x307px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 512x307px

is op kill?

>>705065553
Probably, but I just wanted a good laugh. And damn it, I got one.

>>705059179
underrated af

>>705065553
Yes but it's kinda fun

File: 1382237889806.jpg (52KB, 512x384px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 512x384px

>>705065553

>>705065627
Yes, op is super dead.

File: 1457926141054.jpg (38KB, 453x500px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 453x500px

>>705056263

>>705065553

OP smashed his phone with his fat ass during his autistic panic attack

>>705065831
And it fell into his shit filled pants.

File: 1416426154444.png (42KB, 548x399px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 548x399px

how long before this ends up on /r/4chan?

File: 656515181.gif (1MB, 500x281px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 500x281px

>dick sized hole
This is actually more plausible than most anons think.
Considering the length of some dicks can be up to 12 inches it would be absolutely plausible that the diameter or circumference of a hole in a ceiling could be "dick sized".
Because a circle (hole in X) with a circumference of 12 inches still has a 6 inch diameter more than enough for a common barn owl to squeeze through.
Hell a 6 inch diameter hole is an impressive one no matter how you slice it.

C=π*D>12
Example: an 8 inch diameter dick sized hole in a wall would be:
C=π*4>12
C=4π>12
4π>12
>since this statement is not true said hole in question is not a "dick sized hole"

From now on we can measure holes on whether or not they are dick sized.

>>705065831
>believing a cover-up

so basically you're telling me you have become this autistic

File: 1fffa261-8409-43b7-890c-708c583b06c8_109435.jpg (13KB, 600x338px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 600x338px

RIP OP
Your home is the outside now, because owl took over. You will be forced to eat out of cans from here on out.

>>705065946
Which he then stuffed into that dick sized hole.

end your life op, this owl has done with equivalent of fucked your bitch and marked his territory. Just leave not, it's the owls home not yours

File: FB_IMG_1434665923337.jpg (26KB, 528x960px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 528x960px

>>705065985
AND THEN THIS MOTHERFUCKER

>>705065985
Still trying this hard to prove an owl could fit through a dick sized hole.

>>705066073
Just the shit covered phone or the poop pants with the phone in it?

>>705065985
I am still wont to call it size oft holed dicketh.

>>705066245
The whole kit and kaboodle

This fucking thread. This whole fucking thread.

This shit is getting immortalized in images that will live on fucking forever in best of threads.

File: 1337045246277.jpg (63KB, 406x364px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 406x364px

>mfw this entire thread

File: 1468132356043.jpg (17KB, 540x440px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 540x440px

Fuck I wish 90 percent of threads were like this instead of 'trap' and 'you mad white boi' threads.
I'm fucking dying

>>705065553
Sauce

File: adfabewtaya.jpg (52KB, 492x492px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 492x492px

>>705066123
>>705066204
>>705066256
Do I need to refine this equation more?
Ds=C=π*d>12
(Ds=Possibility of a dick sized hole.)
Example: Anon goes to the glory hole and finds out it may not be dick sized. When he measures it with his dick he knows the circumference of his dick is 6 inches and will not fit.
Is the hole a dick sized hole?
Ds=6=π*6>12
Ds=6=6π>12
>Since this statement is not true the glory hole anon is visiting is not a dick sized hole

There you go now go out and measure some holes to discover if they are dick sized.

>>705066894
It's dead, Jim.

>>705066994
Would you prefer I use metric units to measure my holes?
I think not. This is much more efficient.

>>705066894
No, no, it's fine. I just want to still call all holes a dick sized hole, for no good reason.

But you are slightly winning me over with the equation. I'm a glutton for the data. Can we use holes to measure dicks, then, as well?

>>705058533
holy fucking kek

File: image.jpg (22KB, 500x324px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 500x324px

>>705066894
Just beating the SHIT out of this DEAD ASS HORSE.

>>705067141
>dead ass horse
We got an incontinent OP, an incontinent owl, and now dead ass horses.

Fuck.

>>705067141
Or is he beating the SHIT out of this DEAD HORSE ASS.

File: 45a271e176b5e72525851c92b4df4883_480.jpg (17KB, 480x436px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 480x436px

>>705067069
Yes. If you want to measure your dick using a hole you compare the length of your dick to the diameter of the hole.
L=d=2*r
If your dick doesn't reach the other end of a dick sized hole then find the diameter of the hole using your dick. Put one end of your dick to one end of the hole and try to get the tip to the center of the hole to find the radius.
Remember d=2*r
>I'm teaching anons how to measure their dicks with holes in their walls and vice versa
>MFW this is how you teach kids geometry these days

>>705067267
This thread is all about pooping.

>>705067305
But I already know about geometry. I'm a fully grown adult.

This isn't fun anymore.

>>705054264
Calm down bro, you're about to get into Hogwarts.

File: 1474573417640.png (321KB, 594x482px) Image search: [Google]

321KB, 594x482px

>>705054264
This couldnt be more magical even if you shoved a leuprichaun in a unicorns ass

File: qzzpL7xl.jpg (68KB, 480x640px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 480x640px

So a man goes to the doctor and tells him "Doctor, I've been having a dream in which I'm a sado-bestio necrophiliac. Should I be worried about this, or am I just beating a dead horse?"

>>705067621
>>705067141
>>705067267
>>705067286
>>705067369
alright what's going on

>>705067436
Then go measure something with your dick man.
Girth=Ds=C=π*D or Gh=Ds=C=2π*R>12

God gave you a marvelous tool of exact precise measurement for holes.
>you can measure your gf's twat
>you can measure the hole that owl left in your ceiling
>you can measure anything

How do you think they measured the pyramids?
>INB4 rulers without a system of measurement established

File: 1474175335098.jpg (164KB, 440x287px) Image search: [Google]

164KB, 440x287px

>>705067664

>>705067674
Dick sized holes are a horses ass!

How would I go about saving this thread?

>>705067674
We're measuring dicks with our holes.

>>705067870
By finding a barn owl and fisting it in memory of OP. Then maybe uploading the webm.

File: 2e04c84fdec40edbda08c1588b023c01.png (527KB, 945x1094px) Image search: [Google]

527KB, 945x1094px

>>705067782
Horses asses are dick sized holes.

>>705067715
We get get it bud. A dick is a dick is a dick is a hole is an owl is a horse dead ass.

>>705067870
Go find a owl and beat it in a shitting contest.

>>705067948
That easy huh?

>>705068099
Yessir, dubs.

File: 2b990967d0b1f655b87445c1b13409ff.jpg (133KB, 995x1280px) Image search: [Google]

133KB, 995x1280px

>>705068059
Horse ass.

>>705067674
>How do you think they measured the pyramids?
They measured it using dicks.

>>705068146
Sorry meant for >>705067715

File: image.jpg (74KB, 550x435px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 550x435px

>>705068139
Owl ass

File: 1474607112487.jpg (17KB, 381x286px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 381x286px

>>705068146
>>705068214
Now you're getting it.

>>705068282
Someone should send op a pair of these pants to remind him of fail at the hands of a owl.

>>705068448
That you like dicks?

File: 58309458.jpg (142KB, 610x610px) Image search: [Google]

142KB, 610x610px

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIrFpeEudLQ

File: 96a5fb36aae6095adaab709ce5a6a129.jpg (78KB, 840x951px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 840x951px

>>705068282
Owl ass.

File: Screenshot 2016-09-22 at 03.11.50.png (628KB, 833x812px) Image search: [Google]

628KB, 833x812px

rip owlbro

see you in a best of 4chan thread in 2 months

This thread is autism encarnate.

And for the record, OP probably means the hole was 6 inches wide.

>>705068480
Kek

>>705068694
*Incarnate

>>705068694
>incarnate

You know nothing.

OP HERE


I JUST PUT MY COCK IN THE OWLS
A
R
S
E

File: 6ed3f647479f24ad2e0111200fbac71a.jpg (313KB, 773x1000px) Image search: [Google]

313KB, 773x1000px

>>705068819
OWL ARSE
W
L

A
R
S
E

File: image.gif (2MB, 360x160px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 360x160px

>>705068694
Why don't you go fuck yoursef

So apparently /b/ sexualizes owls now

What a time to be alive.

>>705068325
Fuck.

File: Mio-nichijou-34797585-500-417.jpg (72KB, 500x417px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 500x417px

>>705068694
>And for the record, OP probably means the hole was dick sized

File: 1b2bd97a8a9afb3591e23d68b72abfc7.png (349KB, 1080x1104px) Image search: [Google]

349KB, 1080x1104px

>>705068960
>It's just us
>He's never heard of Hooters
Laughing_owls.jpg

>>705069008
Hey thanks for being a ho towards the end.

File: Never forget.jpg (13KB, 300x193px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 300x193px

>>705068960
There is not anything /b/ will not sexualize. See this pic? /b/ can find a way to sexualize it

>>705069217
Nypa

File: 2424650.jpg (38KB, 352x220px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 352x220px

>>705069196
No problem
Put me in the screenshot.

File: FailAtInternet.jpg (28KB, 552x293px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 552x293px

>>705069239

>>705069217
Those three chairs are fucking that table, the one on the ground is waiting for them to run a train on him once they are done with the table.

File: gold.jpg (98KB, 683x513px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 683x513px

this fucking thread

>>705054264
SDOMEBODDDY CSCRENCAP DHIS

>>705069334
>>705069398
>>705069465
This needs to be immortalized.

File: d3cdb7865ef55b31b003d2aafb400fb6.png (954KB, 894x1149px) Image search: [Google]

954KB, 894x1149px

God, it's almost 5am here, i have got to go to /b/ed. Night all. Have one more owl ass for the road.

Toasting in epic bread. Hi redit! I am a colossal faggot who likes to put broken glass up my asshole.

>>705069565
Central USA fag? Me too. I have a final to do later and I haven't slept a wink.

I'm Out, too. If OP comes back, I'm hoping for more/better screencaps.

File: 1469418651746.png (430KB, 720x438px) Image search: [Google]

430KB, 720x438px

someone please archive this thread

File: 71b12ff5f8a53ce50a0d7f17cdeabc52_480.jpg (25KB, 480x432px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 480x432px

We're almost to the end then it's back to our self inflicted isolation, misery and obscurity.

Was fun guys.

>>705069565
Wait for the thread to 404 you faggot. You can do it.

>>705058897
OP do this it works, I've done it before

>>705069719
But we will never forget this thread with op pooping himself over a owl and your love for dick holes

I expect to see the screenshots of this thread circulating 4chan and fb soon

This is my contribution to this thread I wasn't apart of. - Anon 9/23/16

>>705070400
A least you got dubs.

>>705066775
I would not mind an owl epidemic sweeping the nation, election speeches, televised events. owl overlords asserting dominance after being patience with the pink apes

File: yu lryu jfgs df.jpg (172KB, 1600x900px) Image search: [Google]

172KB, 1600x900px

>>705070240
I do love dick and holes and dick holes.

Screencap this

I will remember this thread for the rest of my life. It not only warmed my heart and soul, but also my balls