I hate women I really do. Clearly society is not how it should be. Women are useless. They can’t do anything without men – the computer you’re using right now, who made that? A fucking man, that’s who. Women just leech off men. This is why I want to rape and kill women, I hate their stupid faces. They behave like animals, drinking and having boyfriends. So I will treat them like animals, I will drag them thought the dirt before I slit their throats. Go ahead, call me a virgin. Call me a faggot. Call me whatever – I know I’m right, and secretly so do you.
Think about it /b/ - in cave man times what purpose would woman serve. They would be begging men for food in exchange for sex and getting raped. Seriously, how has society gone so wrong? Women get paid to become pregnant because they behave like whores, they are paid to create more drug addicts to plague an already overpopulated world. Society is manipulated to ensure a “level playing field” to correct the “pay gap” created by women’s lack of skill and motivation.
Name one job a woman can do better than a man that doesn't involve children. Name one woman who did something of historical significance. In a future Utopian society women will be kept in cages and fed raw meat like the animals they are. When they have their period they will be segregated from the rest of the women and put in a dark hole in the ground. When a woman needs to use the toilet they must use another woman's cupped hands, then use the poo to make a soup.
Then when they eat the soup we will round them up by whipping there chubby thighs and whooping "Shakka zulu! Shakka zulu!" until they are all back in there cages. We then being the sorting. Women will be sorted into different categories -- fat and ugly. The fat ones will be used as transport and a source of food, while the ugly ones will be shaved and coated in a viscous lubricant and forced to fight in an arena. The survivor gets to mate with the other women.
I don't know what I'm doing in life. I'm always slow compared to everyone else.
I'm 20 years old. I don't have a license. I had a car that was under my dad's name but turns out it had rust all throughout the bottom and the brakes were about to snap (some other issues that i cant remember) >inb4 why car before license I was never taught how to drive. So when I got it, I taught myself. I did try to get a license but parallel parking fucked me up badly. That one I need help with and no one wants to help me. Yet they all want to mock me for not having my license.
I don't wanna go to college because I don't know what I wanna do in my life. I'm afraid of being left in debt for the rest of my life.
My girlfriend is literally the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. But she's a lesbian, literally told me "I'm a lesbian, you're an exception".
So, really hope she cheats on me with some dyke soon so I can end myself.
I've been having a rough month, anytime I spend alone I get depressed, so I work nonstop, to the point it's making me sick from exhaustion, I wind up just working while fighting depression off, going home fighting it off, wondering if tonight's the night I finally off myself, all the while there's a woman who claims she loves me but I refuse to be with her because she's hurt me so much. Waking up just reminds me how much simpler it would be to just swallow my bottle of antidepressants.
>>699061062 >>699061339 You know those moments when you think about them and think "If only I had a chance to go back and do something else, I'd really make a difference." You're experiencing one right. Every. Single. Second.
Don't waste your life on regret. It won't matter anyway, when your bones have turned dust from eons you've been dead.
>be me, 3yrs out of college >white collar stressful job that i absolutely hated, most of my friends moved away, not interested in any of the girls in my life >daily a zx12r, pretty liberal with the throttle, but also fairly responsible (opening it up only on deserted roads, etc.)
>Anyways, in a pretty bad mental state > get back from the bar one night after drinking heavily with friends (around 1 am) >decide to go rip around on my zx12, and I understand and am ashamed of how drunk I was when I got on the bike
>but atm, I literally had a death wish. >got on the bike with the full intention of blasting around at 150-200 mph on the highway and back roads >generally stay at double the speed limit >so depressed and fed up with my life\ >not exactly intentionally trying to die, but going to ride far beyond my abilities, and far beyond sustainable without a fatal crash cont.?
my life was a pile of shit before I was 16, and then it turned into hell. I was raped by my stepfather at 16, and to this day I can't take take my clothes of for any one because of all these crazy emotions that live with in me.
>>699061774 Yea I can relate, 20 here, working a dead end job to save up for a car, don't even have a permit, don't have the money for college while I'm one of the only people at my job not going to college, have an ex who I could be with just to have somebody but she's a whore. Anytime I try to accomplish something, it's always my depression that stops me, I don't even know what I want to do in college, I just want to be able to honestly get in a car and drive until I can't anymore.
>>699061774 This hits pretty close to home unfortunately. I don't have my license either. My girl is the only source of happiness I have but i can't tell her how I really feel going to bed every night without upsetting her. So I suck it up like everyone else here does. Trying to occupy my time with creating music but inspiration is rare at this point. Do you live in town or have a part time job there?
>>699061062 Oh god, Never has something decribed my life so perfectly. I am in that limbo stage I dont quite want to live I dont quite want to die And then i try to mask it with humor and video games But it never works Cause every night when i lay in bed I wonder why to go on why not end it now But i also wonder why i should end it And it will always be a eternal struggle Until i snap
>>699062181 fuck it >took the bike out, turned up my earbuds to deafening levels, put on Ja Rule >remember tearing through my town in first gear at like 11k rpm >was completely deserted on the highway, I was low in the RPMs merging on in second gear (like 2-3k rpm), drunken grimace on my face >went WOT, full race crouch >remember hearing the engine begin to spool up, like it sounds like a fucking jet-engine whirling up to speed >when this bike was made, for a brief amount of time, was the fastest production bike ever made, and it sounded like it >tame, but with steadily increasing noise until around 6k. Then the thing just takes off like a hyena with its ass on fire >couple of seconds later, I'm at 150 mph, fourth gear, upshifting. >170 mph. Ja Rule is drowned out by the rush of air around my helmet as I raise my head >I have become a part of the bike, ready to hold the throttle pinned until I died >didn't care about my work, I didn't care about my friends, I just wanted to chase that adrenaline >and also not go back to the monotony of my daily life. >around this time, I blew by a police charger in the center lane >he had seen/heard me coming, I guess, because he was probably already doing i would say 110 when I passed him >lights come on, but I just keep it pinned, blowing by cars. One of them swings to avoid me in the same direction I swing to avoid it >I pass within a few inches of the bumper >It's been like 5 seconds but the red and blue lights are already pretty far back, and receding into the distance >slow down a bit and exit the highway doing a good 100 mph on the off ramp >rear wheel is sliding around, I still have no idea how I managed to not lose it >I think mostly I was just committed/fearless, so my grip on the bars was light, throttle was generous >I was ready to die if the bike wanted to throw me, and I guess thats why it didn't throw me.
>>699062813 >Trying to occupy my time with creating music dude are you actually me? I've been trying to get into making music but my motivation is lacking. I live in this lil urban area and I'm a waiter, so money is always questionable.
>>699062952 The lack of motivation is the worst part, and in my opinion the most crippling and apparent part of depression. There's so much you want to do, like make a shitty bedroom folk album to put on bandcamp or finally get good at driving, but you just can't, and every second you waste not doing it, you hate yourself more. It's a cycle that doesn't end till you get off your ass, and I'm waiting on deciding to do that now.
>>699063359 pretty much entire exodus album on shuffle, livin it up is my favorite
>>699062942 >made a few more turns to make sure I lost the charger >as I came down from my speed high, I had like a sudden rush of what the fuck are you doing, just quit your job, don't fucking kill yourself, etc et >there is like a weird moment when the adrenaline fades? this was like that, but also included my suicidal thoughts. >then I remember being lost in my thoughts, still going like 25 over, and misjudging a simple turn >last thing I remember thinking was "I want to live" and "holy shit my rear tire is now completely on gravel". >woke up around 4 am laying on the side of the road. Ja rule was still fucking playing in my helmet >I had a pounding headache, could tell I was still drunk, and my right leg wouldn't bend >visor was completely road rashed, so opening my eyes was a wierd experience because for a bit I couldn't tell if my vision was fucked >find my bike, laying about 50 yards away. I limped over to it, adrenaline beginning to kick in >realized if I called this in, I was getting a DUI and probably also a felony evasion ticket if the cop had called me in earlier >bike was in bad fucking shape, the instrument cluster wasn't working at all, the headlights were both smashed completely, and the fairings were toast >key was totally bent in the ignition, but luckily it had been pushed to off, so there was a chance the battery might still be good >turned the key on, and nothing lit up. Heart was fucking pounding. Cycled the FI button, and head it fucking prime >I was kinda just in disbelief as it fired up, ready to take me home, bent handlebars and all >limped it home while trying not to vomit, got home, threw up all over the ground outside from pain, and crawled inside, slept on my floor
>>699063729 >next day I quit my job over the phone >went to an urgent care clinic, got fully taped up/gauzed, and the next month I left the east coast, and I will never go back >so much happier now, and also won't let myself be put into a position again where my job takes over my life and destroys my sanity >for a while I had some serious guilt about driving drunk and I'm glad I didn't hurt anyone but myself.
>>699061735 Even if that was totally true, some women are loyal and are caring and have good hearts. Read this story, not a perfect example because she left the OP at one point, but a point is made by this nonetheless.
Why do I stay awake at night thinking of could have been of lost relationship. I always think, maybe I should message them, telling them how I feel. I wake up and then realize how much a bad idea that is. I haven't had a relationship with anyone in 5 years. It could be argued that I haven't had a meaningful one all my my life. The thing keeping me going is making my family happy and proud of me. I always seek validation from authority figures for some reason. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents so I don't know why I always try to please superiors and wanting them to like me.
Me >>699062825 >Be new welfare social worker >be assessing one of my first clients >She's a young woman fleeing domestic violence >Pregnant with second child by her abuser >Horrible situation >"But why do I get the feeling you can't quite let go?" >"He's just going through some things." >"He choked you unconcious and locked you in a garage. In the summer. In Phoenix." >stares at her lap. "...he's going through some things." >Get to know client. >Help her with job search. >Success! >Help her with work clothes. >But never went to DV counseling as instructed. >Client starts ducking me. >Hops from place to place leaving trail of out of date addresses and bad phone numbers >Finally get a good number. >A man's voice, "Hello?" >Fuck. "Is client there?" >"No, she's busy." >"Could you let her kn-" *click* >FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- >Client shows up in office out of the blue. >Denies moving back in with him. >Show up for home visit at client's reported residence. >Client caring for newborn. >Her toddler is happy and healthy >Kitchen stocked >Apartment relatively clean. >As I'm about to leave, he walks out of side room in socks and boxers. >Obviously just woke up. >Before anyone can explain anything, toddler looks up at him with big, happy eyes. >"Dada!" >Got you, fucker. >Get "dada" on the case. >Keep tabs on them >He's looking for work, both are going to therapy. >Help family with supplies for new baby. >everthingwentbetterthanexpected.png >Be in office giving client bus passes for work. >"I'm glad things worked out." >She smiled. "Me too. Thank you for everything, anon." What really put me at ease was there toddler. You can tell when I child comes from a violent home. They check out everybody. They're very timid, except for those times when they violently lash out. Not this kid. She was bright eyed, rosy cheeks, friendly, as affectionate as a child her age should be. The way she looked up at her father and gave that happy little "dada!" let me know things were going to be okay...
>>699063855 damn bro 10/10 loved reading that. how you said the suicidal thoughts went away with he adrenaline and you realized you could just quit the job! sigh..i wish someone i knew was as smart as you. good shit tho m8 im happy for you.
>>699064468 >Meet client in office months later. >Client no longer my client. No kids, so no cash. But she is pregnant again. >Surviving baby is a ward of the county. >"I can no longer offer, supportive services, but you can contact me for information." >"I understand." >..."You don't have to answer, but-..." >"How did it happen?" >Nod >"She was at home with her dad. He said she wasn't feeling well and put her to bed. >When he went to check on her, she wasn't breathing and called an ambulance." >"I see... you let me know if there's anything I can help you with." >Never see client again. >Don't tell her that I was in contact with child protective services. >Don't tell her a county investigator leaked the preliminary autopsy results to me. >Don't tell her I know. >I know that sweet faced little girl was beat to death. >I know that the ME found healed injuries suggesting repeated trauma. >I know the little baby taken by the county was beaten too.
I followed what happened next through public record. The wheels of justice turned agonizingly slowly, but after taking way too long to arrest him and way too long to try him, he's in prison, likely for the rest of his life. She got locked up too for negligence. She had her baby in jail, now a ward of the county. Tried to hang herself in her cell. After more than a year in jail and a state mental facility, they dropped the charges and released her. I don't know if she'll stick around and try to get one of her kids back, or flee this shit hole and never look back. Maybe she'll attempt suicide again.
Since then, I've been kind of... down. I'm known in my team as a miserable fuck. I hate the shit out of my job, but the money is alright, the medical is solid, and I have a wife and baby to care for. I've put on weight. I hardly go out. I've got a wife and two doctors telling me to cut back on alcohol. No matter how much I drink, it's never enough to block out a little, rosy cheeked face, and a tiny child's voice saying "dada!"
>>699063855 I liked your story bud. It's crazy how feeling suicidal can make you do thinks you never thought you'd do because, "fuck it, if I die at least I died doing something "fun" rather than putting a bullet in my head" Wish you the best in life
Girlfriend broke up with me today. First person I've ever truly loved. Reason was she didn't see us working because we both want different things down the line. Thing is we agreed on everything but kids and that's way down the line. I know she wasn't cheating or talking to anyone else. I'm sure her mom and roommate were putting things in her head after we got into our last argument. When you truly love someone and you're blindsided and it's taken away, there's no real way of coping. Here's to hoping it works out.
>>699064614 Really, killing yourself at 23? You do know that some people at that age have it way the fuck worse. At least you have parents who are willing to take you in so they must care in some way or another. Why would you put that kind of burden on them, knowing that their shit head son who kept leaching off of them never amounted to anything. Why not stop browsing 4chan so much and go make something out of your life. Start cleaning toilets if you have to, if you are truly determined, you will look for the right opportunity to better yourself.
>>699064614 The army might help you with your GED & if you choose the right MOS (don't rely on the recruiter for this & don't let them tell you there aren't any openings for what you want, wait for one or go to another recruiting office) you'll be able to find a job in the civilian world
Didn't get into the program I wanted, my girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me, I lost my best friend because he never hangs anymore due to marrying a cunt that doesn't let him do anything. shits rough
>>699064683 I agree too. My girl (now fiance) has issues because she was beaten and molested as a child but I've helped her through a lot. She's always been loving and loyal to me. Waited for me patiently day and night when I was deployed in afghanistan. I had a hard time adjusting back because I felt like I had to keep fighting, never laid a finger on her but I was a terrible boyfriend for a while and she still loved me the same.
>>699064836 Sorry to hear that Anon... the whole 'kids' discussion is really annoying with some girls... they get some sort of 'baby fever' and just want to have a baby, even though it'll ruin their life right now.
You know... one reoccurring thought in my life is that out there, in the vast unknown, there is a slight chance there is a multiverse. And where's there's a multiverse, there's a version of me living happily, being a famous author, dating 'her' and just... being who i want to be, the life i guaranteed myself to miss out on. But Ive always been someone to try my hardest to make others happy and when i see or think of someone happy by my doing, it makes me happy. In some weird way, because I fucked up with the girl I loved the most, there might be a version of me who got to be with her. So, it makes me somewhat happy. I may never feel her lips against mine, never feel her hug again, never even speak to her after I destroyed her trust with me just because i was too scared to be myself, because because of what i lost, someone out there got to be with one of the greatest girls i've met, and in some parallel universe, that someone is me.
Gonna be all right, guys. Somehow, someway. It's gonna work out in the end. You're young yet. Hell, most people tell me the same thing, even if I feel as old as the mountains most days. Just hang in there. It's all you can do.
I'm right there with you guys. There are "good days" still coming. Life is still worth living.
>Great Grandfather hauled a BAR across Europe in '45. >Grandfather was in 173rd airborne, died at Dak To. >Father was Medevac pilot in Desert Storm. >Go talk to recruiter. >"Says here a diagnosis of tachycardia does not meet the standard." >"...sooo-" >"So, we're done here." >"So, what? I go talk to a doctor, get checked out, get cleared for-" >"No, kid. We're done. You will never be a soldier. Ever."
I didn't want to give up THAT easy. That diagnosis was years old, and a drug regimen had taken care of it. I knew I was good, so I went to a cardiologist to run a stress test and get some kind of waiver. That's how I ended up here >>699062825
After the first EKG was done at rest, the doctor rushes in and is checking me out with a stethoscope, asking me my symptoms. >"No, no symptoms doc. I was just hoping you could clear me for strenuous exercise." >"No symptoms!? No chest pain, dizziness-" >"No, Doc. See, I was just hoping to get a note saying I could exercise. I'm trying to get into the army, and was hoping we could work on some kind of waiver." >"Mr. Anon, your heart is skipping beats." >"Wat."
>>699061774 Well you taught yourself to drive. You did something for yourself man. Some people never do something good for themselves, some people live for working, and they work only to live.
I'm 20, I don't have a license, my last gf dumped me for a friend just like that, I don't even have friends at this point cuz they're busy doing stuff... Yet they call me when they get dumped, when they failed.
My father died and I take care of our business, so they think of me as a mature man. Most of the time I wish I wasn't here... Or just be able to lay down and cry as a child.
I'm a big failure, I'm just waiting until everyone realises that.
I'm going to publish a book, I tired of doing nothing in my life and wasting it on playing countless thought of this perfect adventure to embark on, I might as well do something, if anything with my life.
>>699067273 Fun, new development this week. Had to leave half way through work on Tuesday. Had bad chest pain, and it was getting worse. Fearing the worst, I went to my cardiologist. Surprise! It's my lungs! Try figuring that one out; they sure can't.
I lost my house, my job and my fiance due to heavy drug use. I was forced back into my parents house where I continued my drug use. I wound up getting arrested and was told by my family that I was on my own. I was in prison on the phone talking to my mother and her final words before hanging up on me were, "you've ruined this family, don't call here again."
I was eventually released against my choosing (my public defender had my bail suspended, never even knew who it was) and have been forced to house hop. I was able to regain some of my property but I still have no money. Luckily, I have 2 401ks. Took out 60k and am now planning to have a big party and go out on stream. I have no family, no friends, no job, no place to live. I've ruined it all and I'll take full responsibility, but it's time to end my cycle of fucking things up, for both me and those I love.
>>699061774 Military up. Just don't tell them you're dealing with depression or anything. They'll figure out something useful for you to do, possibly something you can do on the outside, and you'll get the GI bill to pay to get a degree to go with the skills you learn. Your problem is you're young and have no idea what to do with yourself. You need time, income, and structure to figure your shit out. Go Air Force if you can, they're undermanned and offer better standard of living.
just got broken up with for the most bs ever. she thought i was cheating and when i told her and proved to her she still didnt believe. even tho that happened like a month ago. its got me really depressed like i dont know what to do. ive talked to some friends and they were willing to talk about it in depth and stuff. it was pretty good but im stilll thinking about it a lot. (sorry about the bad grammar like i really dont care anymore) help me out guys im lost.
>>699068447 She's not worth your tears, man. If she's this kind of bitch, you're better off having it happen now instead of letting the pain fester for a while. It'll be more healthy for you to move on. It's not easy to move on, especially when you think about it a lot (I know ALL about that,) but it's going to be best for your health all around if you move on.
You're better than that. Walk tall in that knowledge.
I've been on these feel threads so much, but I don't understand why people seem to obsess over "her." Am I just insensitive, or am I not in the mindset that you guys are in? Sure, I've been through breakups and losses of the girl I thought was the one, but I just felt that I wasn't compelled to obsess over her, and that she was gone and I can't do anything about it, what do you guys think?
>>699069475 I feel the same way. Many of the things posted on here really do seem to be more for people in their early to late teens. I'm 18 myself and I just don't get anything out of this. I want to feel sad or something but this just isn't cutting it.
>>699064614 There's always a chance in life man, so what if you're not as smart or fortunate as others? Fortune is a privilege, and sometimes people are truly less privileged. But it's an optional privilege, you can set ambitions, pursue education again, and right your wrongs, you can do all of this and live life fulfilled. I've always been suicidal and nihilistic, it's a medical thing more so, but if you focus on the positives of the life, and don't the negative cloud your way, you can leap over mountains man. Don't know if I had any influence on you, but that's how I cope with my problems.
>>699069475 Just broke up with mine of 3 years a couple months ago. She cheated on me, fucked me up bad for a that first month, now it's more of an annoyance when I think about her. A swift rebound lay helps with these things. These anons probably didn't get right back out there, best thing a guy needs is for a new girl to want to fuck them, keep the self esteem up
>>699070080 But that's the thing, I've lost hers in my teens and I've lost hers recently (still in my 20s) But I just don't see it as something to feel sad and obsessive over, I dunno man, I guess I just don't relate to people that well.
>>699070285 The love of my life got tired of me. She lied to me completely during the breakup process. Through all that she couldn't even be honest with me. It's been two months and I can't get over it. I'm tired of being lonely
>>699066753 I think this way too quite a bit, like when bad shit happens to me or others I care about, I take a little solace in knowing that in another universe it's okay and I'm taking the hurt so another can be alright. As dumb as that sounds
>>699070877 The way I see it, if she lied to you so much, not even respecting you enough to tell the truth, she would never have been the one for you. You have a heart of gold, anon. You deserve better. Wait to find the better girl.
Prologue >Start in late 2008 >Be 23 >Mom's been dead for two years now >Hated my father because reasons >Living mostly with grandmother >Getting job training for residential maintenance >Fucked up and finished in only 8 months >Employers want 2 years experience >Fucking recession >Took advantage of training program to start at a community college >Seemed legit, though >Had a plan: >My ex lived 300+ miles away >4+ years of a relationship and we'd been in the same zip code for only 3 and a half months >Transfer to a school near her >Effectively get a degree in Whitenighting >Yeah, complete faggot, I know >Everything was coming together >For the first time in my life >I was taking charge!
>>699071412 >January 2009 >Ex catches pneumonia...then her favorite uncle and grandfather die within the month >She's understandibly frustrated >I'd become more distant lately >I can't multitask for shit >Seriously, I can't talk on the phone and surf the internet at the same time >Relationship goes to reactor meltdown status >We tried to salvage it >May rolls around >Got the summer all planned out >Uncle (who has power of attorney over grandma's affairs) won't let me stay there anymore >Panic sets in >I don't know how to adult! >Relationship finally dies for good at the same time >No reason to transfer schools now...or even keep going >Get a contact with a guy fixing up apartments for work >Make a deal with another dude to room with him >This works out for about two months >Turns out, dude wasn't paying the rent >No idea what the fuck he was doing with his money >Gonna get evicted >Dude skates out; flees to North Carolina >Also, did something very stupid at work; got fired >Yeah, this ain't gonna end well... >Call this older chick I knew >Last hope >Turn for advice >She offers a deal >She and another couple were getting ready to move into a bigger apartment >They could throw me a bone to get me back on my feet >I agree; they agree >We move in together August 2009
i feel like i think too much i just cant focus i feel like i am off i dont see any porpuse anymore i just dont feel it i cant see it i have everything but i waste my life and i just cant i feel like i am dying everyday is harder to simply stay here i offten hear noises and sttar getting paranoid over nothing when i see something i fell everything is fake and just cant focus i feel like i have no mining i just dont get it icant show my emotions to anyone i am not suposed to do that i feel confused every day i feel that everything around me is just a dreanm sadliy it isnt when i look at everything around me i just dye for a second realising how empty i am i just dont feel things are real anymore
>>699059632 >be me >have gf freshman year >fall in love >get dumped >move and meet new girl and fall in love again >fast forward 4 years today >still with same girl >freshman year gf messages me and says she has the same glasses as me >sends photo of herself in glasses >she looks so god damn beautiful I stared at it for 10 minutes at least >god what's wrong with me >I feel like shit and I wanna die
>Ten months of hell >Melodramatic? Yes >Accurate? Indeed >New survival plan: keep going to school and use Grant and Scholarship money to buy me time >Only a minor setback >We can recover >I seriously underestimated my expenses >Barely was able to keep up with rent (and, a couple of times, wasn't) >Ran out of food more times than I can count >Went days without eating >No bus fare at times >Had a bike for a while >Would bike a 4 hour round trip to go to classes (and be out of the apartment) >Even in January and Feburary >At one point, the bike broke down >I could scrounge enough change most days to ride the bus >Except for those two Saturdays I had to walk 6 hours...for a class that was WALKING tours of historical sites. >What about roommates? >The couple were chill >Dude was firm, but fair with me at all times >His wife was a wonderful woman but plagued by a myriad of mental illnesses >Docs had her on so many different medications >First time I experienced someone in the "drug zombie" state >Still, overall good people >The chick I met before...dear God >Complete turboslut >I think she wanted me for some fucked up reason >Came home drunk as shit in the first month >Begged me to fuck her >I wouldn't >No condom >She won't help me find one >Finger her off >She doesn't remember >Glad I didn't >She's also ultrafertile >Already has three daughters >Got pregnant a month later >And she's bipolar >And she's off her meds >They'll affect her breast milk >Oh, dear God, that woman... >Goes from sunny and loving to "rip my head off and shit down my neck" in five minutes >Psycho doesn't even BEGIN to cover it
This is one of the strange things about /b/. Everone runs around shitposting and spamming the same threads and generally doing ANYTHING to make someone else angy or miserable. Why?
Even more, the second one of these threads pops up people wander in to talk about just how miserable they really are, why?
Does everyone feel like they have nobody that will listen to them? Do they feel like they have nowhere else to go but here? Do they feel like they don't belong anywhere? Do they feel lonely? Lost? Like they just exists through life without any color or even a soul? What is it? Why do people keep coming back to a place that poisons their lives into bitter emptiness?
I just want to honestly know, because I just can't figure it out. Every time I try to ask everyone either shitposts or gets real quiet, like they're running away from what they realize when they lay down for the night. Aren't you lonely? Aren't you miserable coming back here again?
>>699071369 I'm just really angry and upset over everything. I don't want to be alone forever. She was the best person I've been with and I don't think I'll do better. I'm done feeling lonely. I don't want to do this anymore
>>699071804 Well, we all make mistakes, I've always believed in soulmates, and perhaps it takes longer than others to find that person, be it male or female, black or white, they're always out there. And if they left you for someone else, let them do it, their loss, not yours.
>>699072350 You're right, but the thing is that we just don't know. Through time we get by it, but I've tunnel visioned on this one girl since I met her. I don't even know how long ago, at least six years.
I only had my first date a week ago, and not with her. I'm just trying to get by her emotionally.
>>699060674 Her name was Kerri. I'll never forget, though.
5th grade, that gorgeous smile, how her hair was messy but always tame. How we'd always talk about Inuyasha at lunch. How we'd become such good friends. That field trip, watching her grow closer to her friends from a distance. The adorable sneeze that still rings through my head to this day 16 years later. The abuse that drove me over the edge That time i snapped and yelled about raping her The time i was walled to the principals office for threats When the cops questioned me about wanting to stab her friend. Or when I'd pulled the bear out of my hoodie on valentines day to give to her You'll never forget the first time you fell. But the next year was the one that sealed my life. Stalking her from a distance through the crowds in school Smacking the tray out of her boyfriends hands at lunch when the kids i flipped off on the bus decided to gang up when i got pulled out and sent to my moms, never to return.
I still watch from a distance. I'll never forget how she made me feel and how close we once were. Since that day i've never quite been the same but its never really mattered, just some stupid kids past that shouldnt matter anyway. I wonder sometimes, about adding her from another account and 'bumping in to her' as a new person. But then i remember, it wouldn't matter anyway.
>>699072043 >Meanwhile, having trouble finding work >My work experience is spotty at best at this point >Can't even get an interview at the corner gas station >I'm not looking very hard despite the urgency >I'm too terrified to ask places if they're hiring >I have zero confidence that I am a marketable individual >It snowballed out of control >I'd be hiding from that psycho bitch every waking moment >I'm still fuzzy on what I must have done to earn her ire >Still, I can't stay at the apartment much longer >Need work >Freeze up looking for work >June 2010 >Come back from morning "hiding" at the library >The wife gives me a very concerned look >"Anon, we have to talk..." >See, I'm not on the lease >Somebody snitched I was there >Three guesses who >Either I GTFO or everyone's getting evicted >So I packed what clothes and books I could into my couple suitcases and my pillow >The couple expressed their regret that shit went down the way it did >I understood >It's my own fault >They drive me out to the only homeless shelter in the county >I'm able to get in >That was the only night I've ever actually cried myself to sleep >Come close a couple times, both before and since >This was it, though >Game Over, man
>>699072530 I don't feel like I will. I don't think I'll ever have anything like I did with her. No one has ever made me feel like she did. When I was with her I knew she actually cared about me and loved me. There was never a doubt in my mind she did. I just want things to go back to the way they were. But since they can't I don't want to be around anymore. I'm tired of this
>>699072772 Just try to focus off of her I guess, I'll be honest, I can't relate to you, because I've just never had this before, I mean, if the girl you loved never took the time for you, is she really worth yours?
>>699072865 >At this point, I've got nothing >I had even lost my wallet three months ago >My licence had expired in that time, anyway >So, first thing I had to do was get my ID back >Shelter wouldn't let me stay without photo ID >No money to my name >A certain agency could possibly help, though >IF I have a recognized disability >Well, shit... >I had talked many times to the couple (especially the wife) at my last apartment >She had suggested I seek professional help a couple times in all seriousness >All right, I'll jump through the hoops I have to >Not expecting anything >I'm not sick >I'm just a colossal faggot >Still take it completely seriously, regardless of outcome >Come to find out... >Well, congrats, Anon >You're NOT a colossal faggot, after all >You're a colossal faggot with a documented illness! >Go me? >So, anxiety severe enough to "have a significant impact on my quality of life" is good enough to start rebuilding my life >Wait, what? >This opens up a whole bunch of help I can access >Start seeing a therapist >Get a case manager to help out with paperwork and navigate the maze of services >Get a job coach to help deal with problems finding work >It's a slow process >Still feeling like shit >Shame piling on shame >I keep freezing up when deadlines are involved >Somehow, everything comes together at the last possible second >First to a sort of halfway house >Finally, a housing assistance voucher became available >Income based >Designed to act as a 2 year buffer to full self-sufficiency >Finally find a suitable apartment >Move in Feb 2011 >Had nothing but the clothes, pillow, couple blankets, and an old desktop computer at first >No furniture >Not even a bed >Slept on the floor for 3 months >First apartment is always shitty >It turned out to be >But it was MINE
>Be me, slightly over weight kid with no definable personality. >Doesn't act myself and has extreme trust issues with girls >been rated a 5/10... a 6 when i am not talking >drop out of school to be homeschooled >Come back after lack of discipline and procrastinating cause failure >Get classes. >sixperiod with best friend >Digital Production >Get seated behind mega bitch >Self entitled, aragant bitch >Friend and I start being loud together because we can >As time passes i hate this girl more >One day filming school news >Camera man >Simple job, move camera, list to director >"You're camera isn't in the right shot" >WTF.jpeg >wasn't informed the shot >"You have a script! Do whats on it!" >No script.Mp4 >Refuses to tell me the fucking shot >Everybody bad grade >Extreme hatred for this stupid cunt > Small snippets of life proceed making me hate her >jokes with friend >Gets bitched at. >This continues >Jokingly makes fun of Transgender >The inner tumblr of this girl unleases >Not screaming just smug ass remarks and acting better >So fucking done >Purposefully pisses her off for fun now, >End of year, it was a decent school year >Everybody in that class hates us >Year 2 is where it gets bad
Sorry for shitty greentext and knowing my skills half of it wont be green, This is my first story
I turned 18 a few months ago, though lets be honest ive been here a few years (call me a faggot i don't care), And recently I swore into the Navy. Coming from a life where my father bounced in and out of my life like he didn't see how it killed me every time he left. A mother working so hard and so often I don't see her until after 11:00pm on any given day. My abysmal depression that I can only get away from a few hours out of the day by playing some stupid game with friends. Of course, most of my friends have left for college, deployed in the military, or dead like in the case of the love of my life after she shot herself in the head after being raped by her stepfather. The only thing that keeps me alive is my family. My mother, yes, but especially my little sister. I want to be the "man" she looks up too. I hide my pain for her. Its not healthy, no. But I don't care about myself too much, its too painful. I want to see her grow up and do good things, and I would do anything to ensure that. Im at that point where I don't want to die...but I don't want to live. My sister is the only thing keeping me here
>>699073374 It can't be fixed she doesn't love me anymore. She told me that we didn't break up because of me. She said that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She said she didn't want to be in one ever again because she didn't think she could love one person forever. She replaced me within the month
>>699073341 >Things looking up >I'm still a bit hard up for food >Hung in there, though >Finally got a job >Shitty fast food job in mall >Fuck it; I can do this! >Went into it full of enthusiasm >Crushed immediately >I'm only guy working the lunch rush >Fries, sandwiches...everything's my job >Cannot keep up >Other guys can >Sure, they've got experience...that's what it is! >Year goes by >Still cannot keep up >Failure to live up to own standards crushes every day at work >Job wears thin >No other options, though >Grin and fucking bear it >Tried to develop a social life now that I've got income >Start chatting with young dude who closes >He eventually suggested I come to game night >"Wow, I've got friends!" >Haha, not really >Dudes were more interested in tripping than any games >Partied with them a couple times >Found I don't like parties >Too self-conscious >Eventually had a falling out with them >Spazzed out over wanting game night to be Serious Business instead of me watching them trip >Still chill with the dude from work, though >Despite this, I find myself craving human contact
>>699073717 >Managed to draw the attention of the neighbors late May 2012 >Made for a good summer >Was social, was chill >Even so, I quickly learn the apartment complex is a fucking ghetto >Insane amount of drug traffic moves through it >Hell, one old nigger kept being approached by plainclothes detectives >Something about a pimping case >Anyway... >Met some really good people >Met some sketchy people >Met some people people >Watched a woman, drunk as hell, giving her baby sips of her screwdriver >Watched a crackhead go down the wrong flight of stairs (to a locked closet) and get stuck for a good five minutes while her man was screaming at her from the car >Good times >Made the soul crushing job more bearable >Until I lost it >I lost my damned mind >From mid-September onwards >Too much stress at work >Ragequit >Boss wasn't surprised >We both knew it was time for me to move on for my own sanity >Panic sets in once the initial shock wears off >Still have no confidence in my skills on the job market >Most job openings are seasonal >Tried factory work as a younger man and cannot do it >Want to get a job driving for a company >No car of my own, though >Working as best I can with my job coach to put in applications >I'm getting better at this >Still stressed out, but more able to focus through it than ever before >It's not much more >But it's still more
>>699074141 >It's now the end of October 2012 >Remember Hurricane Sandy? >Yeah, we didn't actually get hit by the storm itself >It linked up with another weather system and parked over us >It rained nonstop for five days >The apartment complex is built on a downhill slope >My place is effectively a basement apartment >That flooded >Not a lot >Just enough to wreck shit >But wait, there's more! >Something went wrong with the sink drain line >Every time the neighbors upstairs would dump water from their kitchen sink, my kitchen would flood >Hot, greasy water >No phone, no number to get ahold of anyone >Still out of work >Now out of money >Soon out of food >Stress is redlining >Still losing my fucking mind >I spazz out on all the neighbors for one reason or another >When I need support the most, I blow it up >FuckMyLife.webm >Struggle through November and December >Can only get to the local food bank once a month >Doesn't last nearly long enough for my fat ass >Worst Christmas ever >Family can't/won't help >Barely get help for November's rent >Nothing for December >And nothing for January...
>>699074702 >I'm working as furiously as I can (which still seems incredibly lazy from the outisde) to save my ass >It's not working >Winter always seems to be the worst for me when it comes to despair >I'm going to lose the apartment >Even if I get work at this point I'm too far behind >I still don't want to believe it >I'm full of shame, hate, guilt, loathing over winding up back where I was in 2009 >Getting a lot of help from the job coach to keep plugging away and fighting through >Get the eviction notice >Actually go to the court date >Judge gives me ten more days to get out >It's a Friday >Valentine's Day >Just my fucking luck, right? >Still, maybe I can salvage something >Pack up what I can save >But there's a small problem >See, the shelter's full >Nothing can be done about it >Case manager tries one in another county >Some law make it very difficult for "residents" of one county to stay at a shelter in another >Still, at the last fucking second the right strings get pulled >Head out to the neighboring county; I can crash there until a bed is open in mine >After everything, it's actually a relief to leave that apartment >I hadn't had a hot shower in over a year and a half >Dispute with the gas company over a bill >Washed in tub with water heated on the sink/brought over in buckets from the laundry room >One of the first things I did was take that long, hot shower >I lay down that first night >"It's gonna work out all right, Anon" >A bed opened up back in county by Monday >Here we go again
>>699074201 Well, at least you have respect and humanity, some people would stop at nothing to get what they want. Everytime you think of her, just view it as inspiration i guess, secretly tribute things to her, I've done similar, and it gives a feeling that you are in a way going for her, maybe not literally, but it oddly helps.
>>699071929 i just need to get some more things out of my head i sometimes feel like i am simply not here like if i just dont feel it i feel like if i am beeing watched all the time the noises i hear scare all the time i hear things falling they give panic atacks all my days in this Earth are just worthless i am empty i spend my days on a corner wasting time on my laptop wondering waht is going on im my sorroundings i cant handle it anymore everyday is worse i just dont
>>699072111 this is the only place we have left. We don't fit onto society, and if we do it's poorly but we're managing. Here we have friends and enemies and although we can't tell the difference we're happy for once in a few brief moments.
>browsing /b/ tonight and see feels thread >Notice my dog >Hey boy! Whatcha doing? >... >You're a good boy, aren't ya buddy? >... >Reach over and wipe some of the dust off his picture >Yeah, you're a good dog >I miss you...
>>699074917 >This time, things were a little different >For one thing, regulations had changed all over the place >People abusing the system >I've only got 45 days >Also, my tax return was due to show up in my bank account soon >Instead of being broke and hungry I was able to keep my morale up >Still, things move slowly when dealing with government funded programs >Get into mid-March >Happy 28th birthday, Anon! >Still hanging in there >A different housing assistance becomes available >Case manager and I are filling out paperwork and gathering forms >Finish it up on a Thursday >Decisions will be made that coming Monday morning >This is critical >I can get an extension at the shelter IF I CAN GET THIS! >I get a phone call Friday >Case manager >"Anon, we missed a form. Can I see you Saturday?" >Motherfucker shows up on his day off so we can get this done >Slides it into the dropoff 8:30 Monday morning >Literal last fucking second >We're meeting at 10 that morning >He gets a call shortly after we meet >Got the voucher! >So much relief >Hunt up an apartment >Find one that's recently been renovated >Everything checks out >Rent a box truck >Get some furnature from a second hand charity >Lived here over three years now >Stabilized my life some >Tried to go back to college >Engineering this time >Always burned out right at the end of the semester >Once missed two weeks of classes right before finals from paralyzing anxiety (over literally nothing) >Took some loans this time >Considered it an investment in self >Was able to buy a beater pickup >Still short of money occasionally >Started delivering pizza two years ago >Wanted it to just be a summer gig >Still doing it today >Love my job, despite the occasional bullshit >Boss is great >Coworkers put up with my shit (and the occasional spazz moment) >I get satisfaction from bringing joy to people, even if for a brief moment
End. You know, the shame hurts less every time I tell it...
>>699074989 Between us, I don't think I ever really had a chance. When I met her I was so stupid, but in the last 3 years I've had a major personality shift. I used to be the broodiest bastard, never happy, always angry with the state of affairs.
When I got a job that new side just sprung to life in that I'm always smiling and laughing with people. But the one you adore may never see the wonderful in you.
>>699075424 Thanks for telling me. I enjoyed reading that, but I don't see what you mean by shame? I respect you an incredible amount, you're working and if you're happy with it I don't see the problem?
>>699073399 >Year two starts back up >Same class with her FML >Friend still in though >Past year shenanigans commence >Everybody still hates us >Previous year kids that enjoyed us being dicks are gone >First quarter ends >School fucked up with schedules >Classes rearranged >Friend removed >Now extremely quiet, only guy in class >Now there is only Del (Mega Bitch from year 1) >Del 2( Secondary bitch, they had the same names) > Liz (Cool Girls) > Leah (Girl who gave no fucks) >Over hear talking about how I'm being quiet and it's unusual > three days go by, can't work alone >Forced to team up with Liz and Del >Sitting in small room with them >Del tries to be friendly >What >turns out whenever I was absent my friend got along with them >They hated us together >She asks if i life Bo burnham like my friend >Yes...
>>699060579 no its not its for the people who cant choose what porn to fap to or you find the porn you want to fap to the you fap then you do more shit on the internet then 2 hours later you say oh lets go to sleep but then you fap again then sleep
>>699075649 It takes time for someone to see the good inside someone, sometimes it never happens. Life goes on, and it's best to move with it instead of trailing off. She could see the good and change in you, it could be tomorrow, it could be in 5 years, but it can happen. Maybe you won't have a chance with her, but you know what? You can still be a friend to her, help her, be her shoulder to cry on when she needs it, her pillow to hug, and even if you don't get with her, you still helped her, and made an impact, and that in the end can speak volumes.
>>699076441 >start talking more with them >Start being obnoxious again, this time only pissing off Del 2. >Develops a crush on Del >Asks friend to ask if i can have her snapchat >Starts texting her >Turns out everything i knew about her was wrong >Mutual >Slowly opening up to her >Starts sharing my ideas and dreams >We both share the same dreams,Beliefs and morals >Finally found what I was missing my life >Never Trusted >Never Loved >Never felt a true connection >Everything was felt with her >Felt like someone i could relate to >Felt like someone I could be honest to >Felt like someone I could be myself to >My deepest repressed feelings came out >My soul which i swore never to let anyone see came out. >She was perfect to me, Her paranoia was cute >We stayed up long nights talking >Late nights when we would literally laugh at anything >Stafooper was a famous one, a word she made up >Late night in december >Experiencing one of my rare spikes of just being calm and content >Start texting >Alarmed.Jpg >Too calm >Starts thinking i took something >She knew i was a nihilist with random episodes of depression >forced to stay up all night >7:30 AM >Best night of my life >Want to experience it again...
>>699075980 >>699076137 I get ashamed because everything that happened to me, down to the last, is my own damned fault. Though either action or inaction I wound up on the bottom and had to be rescued by professionals.
I'm ashamed because I seem to be incapable of maintaining a "non-professional" relationship with someone. Since I lost "her," I've never been able to get close to someone without driving them away with spazz.
I'm ashamed because "as hard as I can" still feels lazy. I haven't done dishes since April. I need to replace the brakes on my car, even have the new pads, but just haven't done it.
I'm ashamed because I go home every night, all alone. I don't go out; I've already mentioned my poor skills at meeting people and self-consciousness. I desperately want someone special in my life again...and am terrified I'm incapable of living with anyone else ever again without losing my fucking mind.
>>699059632 >Be 18 in Pittsburgh >Hit Kennywood with dad >In line for skyrocket >Behind flawless grill and her grandma >Easy 9/10 >(Grand)parents start talking >Dad introduces me >Spaghetti.jpg >Start talking, she's mega chill >Gets all the nerd references, speaks russian, easy to talk to >be antisocial as fuck, this is a gold mine >decide to hand all day >takes my hand on black widow >progresses all day >learn in casual discussion that she's actually on a road trip >she lives in Wisconsin >feelsbadman.jpg >whatever, enjoy it while it lasts >7:00, Grandma says she has to leave >Last minute, trade phone numbers >Alright, I can work with this >5 minutes pass, dad hits bathroom >out of nowhere, grill appears full sprint >impromptu frenching in the middle of the road >Grandma catches up, "we have to go dammit" >"I love you, anon" >pic related >Leaves for real this time >Go to use number >salty old man answers, says to fuck off >Oh shit, she wrote the wrong number >Hopefully she'll call me, right? >Be me with new phone >wrote down the wrong fucking number, old phone has no service and is lost anyway >Sonofabitch What now, /b/? She's half a continent away and apparently just as forgetful as I am.
But what's about this place is worth holding onto? This isn't a home, this isn't a place to belong to. Everyone is faceless, shapeless, and ultimately bitter, ruined, and alone. While the anonymity of the place is a very admirable aspect, isn't that what makes this place so poisonous? Relating to someone then never knowing if you ever talk to them again? A community of unknowns who only connect for brief moments before vanishing? Doesn't this place just make the loneliness even worse?
>>699077481 I did a few times, results >Area code is right, he's from Madison >He has no idea who grill is >He wants to call the cops on me Not sure if that would work, but yeah I don't think brute forcing a telephone number is entirely legal
>>699069889 Keep an eye out in the next couple days, I'm inviting /b/ to the stream. Gonna be a couple day party before the final event, so may as well grab some liquor or beer and sit back and join me. Free porn show too as I'll be paying for hookers.
>>699071533 I was thinking that for a while, but I know that I'm just gonna cycle and destroy everything I have again, so why not just go out having fun?
>>699076604 >After that, I felt like someone truly cared >Trust issues but I knew someone cared about me know >Crazy idea and I mean fucking insane and Thinking back, I regret it. >Suicide scare=best night >Best night= Happy Well lets fast forward. >Go in too over my head >School contacted about suicide scare, >Force to have mental Eval >Finally back after a week. >Sister of Del's Bestfriend started rumors >"He was so obsessed with her she got scared and called the cops" >Obsessed... Kinda >Scared... Yes >Cops involved... Yes >But not the correct story >She was scared of me killing myself >Got pissed she told >Trusted her and she told people about my depression >One thing i didn't want people to know >Got pissed, extremely pissed >Things said >Done with me >Backlash >First actually fight >Friendship damaged >Rarely text. Still more if anyone is reading Probably not but for those who are. I didn't put any backstory into how extremely Relationship unstable i was, After my first crush, Said yes when i asked her out, only to be told she lied and pitied me. Made fun of for months about it, Second crush made fun of me to my face for liking her and basically just said awful things about me. I dated the Third but she moved away after two months. So, I had no idea on how to aproach this and i took any little sign of a chance and destroyed it by mistake
>>699077167 facebook. with enough commitment you CAN track down ANYONE. it took me 16 years to find this girl I've been in love with for longer than i've been looking to find her. You can find out her name if you don't know it and there's a whole world wide web to search for info.
>>699077028 Sometimes that's the way people are. If you know that's not who you are then I understand shame.
The professionals that helped you are there for solely people like you-people who messed up and slipped to the bottom, but have a chance. I keep pushing yourself in terms of your work and I know you can dig yourself out. I myself was in a deep pit but I realized what was causing it and dug my self up and out.
What do you do in the time when you could be working, say doing dishes or swapping brake pads? If it is 4chan, cut it off. You don't /have/ to go cold turkey, but it may be better if you do. Try to find a side hustle (even retail arbitrage) in your spare time. Whatever you do, DO NOT let something control your life, be it an activity or your condition. Take medication when you NEED it, to get you through uni, etc. Money can change many things. If you are happy with the job you have, keep it. Ride a motorcycle (I believe in this as an anti sadness/anxiety measure, you feel so free while doing so.) Anyways, I believe in you, Anon. Do what makes you happy, but be careful for something encroaching on your standard of living.
>>699078170 Life was never gonna be easy man, just devote your heart into it, be humble, and be helpful. Don't go out exclaim you've changed, because that never ends well. It takes time, it just require patience and work. It's 3 am over here and I got work in 5 hours, we might speak again I suppose, but I gotta get what little sleep I can.
>>699077927 You reference people being faceless, shapeless, and how relating to someone is temporary. What you don't understand is that this is normal for us.. This is how every day life is. If I were to die today, all I can say for certain is that my family will remember me (obviously), and that the liquor store attendants will remember me.
Friend wants to kill himself because his girlfriend doesn't want to get back together and they have a kid together. I don't know if I'm a dick for registering this as more annoying than sympathetic even though we've known each other for years, but I've done everything I can and he decides to piss it away over some dumb bitch. Even though I doubt he'll do it, it's still a sobering reminder that the world at large is cold as fuck.
>after highschool, dad who I don't get along with gets a cardiac arrest >he's in ICU and doesn't like being along >since I don't have a job at the time, I'm the one who has to sit at his bedside everyday >end up cancelling my cell phone and losing contact with the very few friends I already got >dad spends almost a year in ICU before he finally passes away >I spend another year grieving, gaining a shit ton of weight and doing absolutely nothing >decide to get out of my funk and continue on with life >try to reconnect with old friends but they're either busy or something changed and it doesn't feel right being around them anymore >try applying for jobs but never get past the interview >most likely my ugly appearance, big gap in unemployment and my shitty social skill after not talking to anyone for 2 years >one day, I go for another interview >still don't have a phone so I borrow my mom's in case of emergencies >read a group text between my mom, brother and sister >it's mostly talking shit about me >siblings calling me fat, lazy and trying to convince my mom to kick me out of the house >didn't know they felt that way about me >didn't get that job >tfw nobody wants me >I have no friends, nobody wants to hire me and my family doesn't like me >all i think about is suicide
I've never been able to talk to people, or hold eye contact for more than a second without looking down or away. Whenever I get near other people I get really anxious and nervous, and if I have to talk to them it's even worse. I just can't get the words out, I say them in my head but no matter what I can't say anything. All of my conversations are one sided and all I do is reply with one word answers. This hasn't been a huge problem because I haven't needed to get a job and my parents let me do online school, but now my father is getting more and more persistent about me doing something other than sitting in my room. I'm in my last year of school, and honestly have no motivation or will to do anything. I hate myself for not being able to do anything and I feel like I'm just a waste, I've been thinking about suicide for the past few years but now I feel like my time is coming really close to being over. I just don't want to be here anymore, but at the same time I'm afraid. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but I honestly can't make any friends in real life, I can't even talk to my family who I've grown up with about anything. I'm sorry for no formatting or anything, but I just wanted to get it out.
>>699079352 We're reading faggot. keep going. noone will if you do or don't, so make use of the 5 minutes it takes to type it. >>699079259 Do it, man. I still want to 'bump into' mine but i know its useless mostly. you have a fucking chance faggot, use it. don't fucking let us down.
But isn't it normal because you made it that way for yourself? That you turned everyone into a shadow that drifts by as you go down the sidewalk? Don't you get tired of it? Why is it so normal to you? It doesn't seem to be something good, or something you keep because you enjoy it, so why keep on with it? Why keep on with something when all it does is make it harder for you to get out of bed when you wake up? There has to be SOMETHING you can do about it, because this isn't fixing anything, and it isn't helping your health.
>>699067872 I'm there with you. My wife cheated on me and threw me out of my home. I know the guy she fucked, I know where he lives, I know his wife and daughter. I'm 30 and living on my mother's couch on the other side of the county from what was my home a month ago. I'm trying to recover, and build a life for myself that she can't ruin. But all I want to do every night is go back there and kill that bastard's family in front of him.
>>699080636 I'm thinking about hitting her car right now and leaving her my insurance and a note. Just enough too get her to remember, but not enough to know from where. I know i won't, but what if i did you know? Like what if i actually bumped into her, shes only 20+ miles away it's a normal day trip for me.
>>699081294 If you want to say we did this to ourselves, you'd pe bartly right. we keep on because it's all we know, it's all we reallyy have that wont leave man. it's not helpig out helath but its bot killing us either mang, not muvh we can do at this pit we 'rwjus here for the tide
>>699070422 Easier said than done for a lot of us. Probably why so many people here obsess over "her." There's a lot of repulsive sperglords or just dudes with extremely low self esteem who honestly don't believe they'll get another shot at love. Getting the attention of a girl worth having once is miraculous enough, but twice? Unthinkable. If getting a rebound lay was easy, I doubt anyone would obsess about "her" to begin with.
>>699079978 To some it up, she is extremely paranoid and because i was acting extremely calming then usual she thought it was because i was finally relieved i wasn't going to deal with it anymore, and because of how much i realized she cared and because im a fucking dumbass i decided that If i faked more suicide scares, more good things would happen, dont ask me, i am fucking retarded >>699079909
>Time passes and offensive humor catches up to me >Playing vidya on my new xbox one, got it a year after release, (Poor) >Knock on door >Too busy gaming >Dad answers >Police >School shooting tip against me >What? >gets off the bus one day >Shoulder grabbed and back pack removed >Searched before being dragged to the office, >Notices paper with Friends name on it >Treated like a terrorist >Sat down in office and informed of a school shooting tip >Shooters: Friend and I >Scared. >Messed with the law before but these were highschool cops >The jocks that had no other defining trait then being strong and brutal, probably bullied kids but not good enough to go to college >Harassed >Constantly told I said I was going to >No proof.jpg >Learned immediately Innocent until proven guilty is a lie >Force a claim outta me >Didn't know the story behind the claim >Couldn't give my side >Guilty >Friend had witnesses to his side he was released >Calls mom >Mom furious but luckily against the school >"Your son told a girl 'Dont come to school tomorrow'" >Never said that to her but had a history with jokes like that >Lying to my mom, >Pussy boy speaks up >"I never once said that to her and you have no proof so dont lie to my mom" >Jock cop pissed >Arguing with cop intensifies >"You said it in your claim" >"No i didn't" >After a bunch more lies from the cop thing settle down >Sent for another Mentally Eval >Doc was nice, >Empathized, let me through with flying colors >Return to school, >Tired of the law in my life despite my fault >Drop out >Last chapter coming
>>699079787 Mate in my opinion this was totally your parents fault, if they let you do online school i suppose that you never had the oportunity to truly interact with other children as a kid because they always had you by their side and that made you become socially useless but that's just what i think. sorry if i have bad english
Its a awful feeling when you hate yourself anons. because hating yourself doesn't come naturally over time or creeps up on you. no. hating yourself come like a sudden dark realization. for me it when she left and never explained why. i was crying in my bed just wondering why, when i opened my eyes and my reflection looked back at me in the wall mirror. its a mixture of surprise, intense fear, and horrific pain like seeing a person shoot himself in front of you. you become scared, terrified as if you realize a stranger is in your home. i looked down on myself and started crawling at my skin because i was horrified to be in my own body. then when you come back to reality all that fear turns to hatred. you see yourself as a enemy, a villain that took everything from you. you just want to kill him, that monster that destroyed your life. then you become disgusted because that villain is you. the person you made and sculpted throughout all your years of living. i was so disgusted with myself i thru up a little.
iv'e changed a lot in this year anons, and soon i will show the world. i just hope that i have become a better person than the one i killed to become this one.
But you can change it, and you know it. You can change the bitterness and loneliness, you can do something about it beyond just sitting in between light and dark, just existing. You don't like the ride, but you won't get off, why?
Judging by your spelling either you're messing with me or drunk. But that's ok. I'll get drunk with you.
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